A Wanderer’s

Handbook

An Owner’s Manual For ETs And Other Spiritual Outsiders

The Abridged Version

Written by Carla Lisbeth Rueckert

Abridged by Jim McCarty

Published by

L/L Research

Louisville, Kentucky

Copyright © 2001 L/L Research

Copyright © 2001 L/L Research

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or information storage and retrieval systems—without written permission from the copyright holder.

ISBN: 0-945007-16-7

Library of Congress Control Number: 2001117026

Published by L/L Research

Box 5195

Louisville, Kentucky 40255-0195

Telephone and Fax: (502) 245-6495

E-mail: jim@llresearch.org

Printed in the United States of America.

This handbook is dedicated to:

Don Elkins, beloved companion, great soul, visionary, scientist, philosopher, questioner

and still my teacher on the inner planes

and

Jim McCarty, widest-awake wanderer, wondrous husband, shaman, artist, gardener, gentleman,

gallant knight and the best person I have ever known.

SOLI DEO GLORIA

Acknowledgements

Thanks to:

*      St. James of the Gardens, Jim McCarty, for ceaseless months of data collection, editing and abridging, for believing in the work throughout six years of trial and error, for being the most supportive husband in the universe.

*      Ian Jaffray, for incredible patience in editing and designing this volume, for converting our channeling archive to digital form so that we could search it for topics for this handbook and for setting up our web site and maintaining it for many years. I could never have collected these stories without you.

*      Roman Vodacek, for setting up our computers and maintaining them, and for creating the forms for our data bases used in the book, and for being the third member at many a meditation.

*      Dana Redfield, for suggestions, copy notes and personal support through three rewrites.

*      Nancy Prussia-Merritt, Steve and Cindy Ferguson and others, who gave support when it was most needed.

*      Jody Boyne and Ron Sheek, who sent so many wanderers and spiritual outsiders to us to tell their stories, give their opinions and ask questions.

*      Every person that wrote to us over the last six years. Your questions, comments and advice to others shaped the handbook.

*      Don Elkins, angel on my shoulder throughout the writing of the handbook, and Pickwick and Mauve, kitty cat angels who stationed themselves above and below my computer while I worked on this project and kept me safe and sound.

*      Leo Sprinkle and Steve Tyman, gentlemen-scholars whose early reading of the manuscript helped so much.

*      Martha Ellen Johnson, my aunt, who gave up early suppers together so I could work all day and half the night!

*      The Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator, whose thoughts have formed the resources I have most wanted to share, and whose presence has blessed me, this handbook and my life so richly.

About The Author

Carla Lisbeth Ruecket was born on July 16, 1943 in Lake Forest, IL. She grew up in Louisville, KY and graduated from the University of Louisville in 1966, earning a Bachelor of Arts Degree in English Literature. In 1971, this was followed by a Master’s degree in Library Arts from Spalding College in 1971. Carla worked as a librarian for a thirteen-grade school until she was hired away by Don Elkins to do paranormal research. They formally created L/L Research in 1970. She has served as a vocal channel since 1974 and was the instrument for The Law Of One series, Books One through Five. Carla lives in Anchorage, KY, with her husband Jim and their seven cats.

Table Of Contents

Acknowledgements

About The Author

Foreword: Am I A Wanderer?

Chapter One: Being A Wanderer

Stories

Paranormal Experiences

Experiencing UFOs In Waking And Dream State

With A Little Help From My Friends

Not Belonging

Not From Around Here!

Chapter Two: The Anatomy Of Separation

Separation From Family

Control Issues

Physical Illness

Purpose

Mind Games

Chapter Three: Agenbite Of Inwit: Persistence Of Pain

Self-Doubt

Pride And Surrender

Elitism

Psychic Greeting

Despair

Inside The Bell Jar

Spiritual Exhaustion

Chapter Four: The New Age Buzz

Christianity And Wanderers

Myth

New Age Guilt

Doomsday Riffs

Harvest On Planet Earth

Transformation

Global Mind

Chapter Five: Our Energetic Selves And How We Evolve

The Energy System Of The Body

Sexual Energy Transfers

Reincarnation

The Veil Of Forgetting

Karma

Catalyst And Experience

Chapter Six: A Little Cosmology/Eine Kleine Kosmologie

The Densities Of Experience

Third Density: The Density Of Choice

Polarity

Will And Faith (As A Polarizing Necessity)

Planetary Polarity

Pride, Fear, Judgment And Spiritual Gravity

Sexual Polarity

Life Beyond Polarity

Chapter Seven: Doing Metaphysical Work

The Discipline Of The Personality

Forgiveness

Re-Seeing The Self

The Purification Of The Emotions

Working With Teachers

Chapter Eight: The Healing Of The Incarnation

Incarnational Lessons

Working With Desires

Balancing The Self

Balancing Meditations

Entering Fully Into The Present Moment

Using The Light Touch

Chapter Nine: Sex And Relationships

Sexuality

Relationships

Marriage

Chapter Ten: Societal Issues

Money

Work

Home

Children

Abortion

Drugs And Addiction

Suicide

Chapter Eleven: Mystical Tools For Growth

Meditation

Contemplation

Devotion

Prayer

Tuning

Living In The Moment

Synchronicity

Chapter Twelve: Applied Spiritual Sciences

Faith

Visualization

Magical Visualizations

Religious Visualization

The White Frame Visualization

The Garbage Out Visualization

Chakra Visualization

Planetary Visualizations

Healing Visualizations

The Forgiveness Visualization

Working With Dreams

Journaling

Networking

Using The Arts In Spiritual Practice

Seeing All We Meet As Teachers

Reading As A Spiritual Practice

Chapter Thirteen: The Secondary Missions: Outer Gifts

The Doing Of Being

Being A Passive Radiator Of Love And Light

Seeing People At The Soul Level

Being There For Others

Listening

Communication

Teaching As An Outer Gift

Healing

Doing Global Work

Channeling

Vocal Channeling

Chapter Fourteen: The Main Mission

Lightening The Self = Lightening The Planet

Transformation Of Self = Transformation Of Planet

Chapter Fifteen: The Devotionally Lived Life

Devotional Living

Dedicating The Self

Forming A Rule Of Life

Dealing With Suffering

Tests And Trials

Walking By Faith

Cooperating With Destiny

Being Part Of A Spiritual Community

Chapter Sixteen: L’envoi: The Sending

Glossary

Books And Tapes Offered By L/L Research

Foreword: Am I A Wanderer?

On the third of September, 1994, I wrote this in my Journal:

We need to talk to each other, wanderers of Earth. We must tell each other our stories, Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow, as we focus on sharing our hearts’ deepest love with the consciousness upon this dear planet. This is my story, my time of calling all wanderers to service most worthy. We are here to assist in the harvest at this, the dawn of the millennium.

In the six years since that day, I’ve created this handbook, hopefully to fulfill this heart’s desire of mine to share my story and encourage all wanderers to do the same. Am I a wanderer? Yes, and I mean that in the narrow sense of being from elsewhere than this planetary origin. Through regressive hypnosis I have re-experienced parts of a life on another planet, and even saw a group of us coming to Earth as wanderers. This regressive material was published in 1976 in Chapter Eight of Secrets Of The UFO.[1] Years later, during the contact our group had with those of Ra, we asked Ra to confirm that we, Don Elkins, Jim McCarty and I, were wanderers, and they did, saying that:

In scanning each of the mind/body/spirit complexes present, we find an already complete sureness of this occurrence and, therefore, find no harm in recapitulating this occurrence. Each of those present are wanderers pursuing a mission, if you will.[2]

Did this information convince me that I was an alien who had come here to serve as a wanderer? No. That is, not only that. It was a series of things that accumulated until I became of the settled opinion that, on some level, this information about me was correct. One set of data was the love of and continued attendance in the meditation group that first began channeling allegedly ET messages in Louisville in 1962. My response to this ET material has always been very positive: I resonate to it. Another set of information was embodied in the two men, Don Elkins and Jim McCarty, who from the first time I met each of them, fascinated me and called to me. I have always felt it was part of my personal path to focus on and follow my relationships. There was from the start a comfort, kinship and familiarity in my relationships with them that was uncanny. Both of these men were deeply interested in spiritual seeking and the UFO story, and in working with them, the collaborations revolved through many years and projects around the ET messages and material about being a wanderer. The information from those of Ra merely confirmed, not convinced. I was already convinced. As an ET wanderer, then, to all of those ET wanderers and walk-ins who experience themselves as coming from elsewhere, I welcome you home. That is, I welcome you to the home atmosphere of knowing who you are, and in what large company you are. I welcome you to the mission on Earth.

There is another large group of people on planet Earth who are just as much wanderers as the ET contingent. These are the Earth natives who have begun to awaken to their metaphysical identity, as citizens of eternity and creatures of infinite nature and existence. Once the seeker awakens, native to Earth or not, she has become a wanderer among the people of Earth, forever a spiritual outsider. The ET and Earth native wanderers are identical in their nature, their mission, and the challenges facing them. Both groups have taken Earth bodies and incarnations. They have accepted the rules of Earth life. They shall only leave this life for higher densities by graduating within the ways of Earth graduation. And they share a most powerful and central mission for the people and the planet, Earth. I am also a wanderer in this larger sense, and I feel that anyone who has been drawn to this book is such a wanderer.

Through the decades since 1962, when I initially became aware of ET contact personally, I have thought much about what a wanderer really is. I have come to feel that the symptoms of being a wanderer are also those which begin to occur when any of us, of whatever previous density or home, awakens from the cultural and planetary dream of outer physical “reality” to an awareness of her metaphysical identity as a citizen of eternity and infinity. I believe there are many millions of mature spiritual beings who are Earth natives, who are in potentially final incarnations and working towards harvest with the same degree of seriousness as any awakened ET wanderer. Basically, at this point in our planet’s evolution, all awakened or activated spiritual seekers are wanderers. Almost all teenagers going through puberty are wanderers. The situation for a wanderer following Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Taoist or any other religious or metaphysical system of thought is the same as that of someone who has identified herself as a wanderer in the UFO sense, coming from another planet to this one. Whether Earth native or ET, the wanderer has left the world of physical and worldly things behind, and he no longer fits the pattern or profile of a normal human being, according to our cultural yardsticks. When I use the term, wanderer, in this handbook, I am referring to all awakened spiritual beings who know themselves to be citizens of eternity and bound by higher ideals than those of our Earth and culture, who know themselves to be ethical beings desiring to pursue the evolution of their spirits in a metaphysical sense, who know themselves to be on a mission to serve during this present lifetime and moment.

The clearest definition of a wanderer comes from the pages of The Law Of One, Book I:

Questioner: Who are wanderers? Where do they come from?

Ra: I am Ra. Imagine, if you will, the sands of your shores. As countless as the grains of sand are the sources of intelligent infinity. When a social memory complex has achieved its complete understanding of its desire, it may conclude that its desire is service to others with the distortion towards reaching their hand, figuratively, to any entities who call for aid. These entities whom you may call the Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow move toward this calling of sorrow. These entities are from all reaches of the infinite creation and are bound together by the desire to serve in this distortion.

Questioner: How many of them are incarnate on Earth now?

Ra: I am Ra. The number is approximate due to an heavy influx of those birthed at this time due to an intensive need to lighten the planetary vibration and thus aid in harvest. The number approaches sixty-five million.

Questioner: Are most of these from the fourth density? Or what density do they come from?

Ra: I am Ra. Few there are of fourth density. The largest number of wanderers, as you call them, are of the sixth density. The desire to serve must be distorted towards a great deal of purity of mind and what you may call foolhardiness or bravery.[3]

The Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator is a title that entities contacting our research group have long used as an identification and description of themselves. Those of Ra are allegedly from within the sixth density of our creation. Earth is moving at this time from third to fourth density, so these Confederation sources are ahead of our evolutionary position by two or three cycles of growth. Those of Q’uo are a principle made up of several group entities within this Confederation, including those of sixth-density Ra, fifth-density Latui and fourth-density sources such as Oxal and Hatonn. The Q’uo principle was set up by the sources involved in order to speak with our group after Don Elkins died and direct contact with those of Ra became impractical and unsafe for us. This Q’uo source describes the situation we are currently experiencing on planet Earth:

Now, at this particular time many who may call themselves wanderers are awakening to their spiritual identity. As the awakening occurs there arises within the seeker a great hunger to know more, to find ways to serve, to become comfortable with this state of consciousness that is so completely different from that round of work and play that is not reflected upon. The routines may be precisely the same but the viewpoint has changed. And once awakened, the seeker cannot return to sleep but must live awake within the incarnation.[4]

Note that the Q’uo group does not define wanderers as ETs on Earth but as those awakening to their true identity as spiritual beings. This “sleep” that the Q’uo describe is simply the state of living as a person in a culture, living up to the behavioral standards of consensus “reality.” In that sleep, it appears that the physical world is all that is real, and the goals of the worldly personality, such as ambitions in careers and marriage, the gaining of happiness, money, power and influence, and simply being well liked and fitting in, are the goals worthy of pursuit. Whether we have awakened from that consensus “reality” in a way that makes us feel we are new to this planet, or one that casts our situation in the wandering pilgrim patterns of religion, myth or philosophy, the simple situation is that we have awakened, and we will not be able to go back to that cozy nest we may have enjoyed prior to awakening. We are now on a journey that will last throughout our present incarnation. This journey is one which is taken not in the physical world primarily, but in the metaphysical world. There is a shifting of universes that is profound. Those of Ra described it as shifting to time/space or metaphysical coordinates from space/time or physical coordinates. Whatever of physical wandering we may do, it is the metaphysical journey that needs attention, since the discomforts of this journey can only make sense, and lend themselves to being worked with and ameliorated, from that stance within the metaphysical “reality” we have now awakened to face. Here the Q’uo describe this:

When the term, wanderer, is used, the basic meaning of this word is of one who is traveling without reference to a specific goal or destination. There is, implicit in this term, a feeling or an emotional/mental mindset of aloneness, restlessness, shared solitude and indifferent scenery. The winds blow cold and harshly for the wanderer. The sun beats down mercilessly. Few there are who use that term who feel that it is desirable to be a wandering spirit. All of the third-density instinct is towards putting down the roots, securing the home, and protecting the home and family. The wanderer is uprooted when gazed at in the cultural context that you enjoy upon your sphere. Therefore, it is natural that this term be chosen as descriptive of those who have come into the Earth’s sphere of influence and incarnated to become as one with all citizens of your Earth.[5]

But if this journey is so difficult, why did we ever undertake it? Those of Q’uo state:

You are here to bring light to a dark world. It is as simple as that. The purpose for which wanderers incarnated is all one: to love, and to love, and to love, and to love. You will be hurt, broken, humiliated and defeated in the course of a life in faith. It runs directly counter to the culture in which you live to do things for an ideal reason, to focus upon the Creator which is unseen rather than all of the phenomena, all of the gadgetry, all of the amusements that are so delightful upon the surface of life in your density. Be aware that even in those situations you may choose to be of service by moving constantly in an awareness of the love and the light of the one infinite Creator. But also, and most of all, be aware, we ask each, that non-dramatic service is as vital as dramatic service, just as the mouth of an entity speaks many things, but would not be able to function without each and every other organ of the physical vehicle, which must be kept in some sort of balance in order that one may manifest any gifts whatsoever.[6]

In this handbook, I will share my own story and portions of those of many others who have written to me concerning their journeys as wanderers, and I will share the viewpoint of so-called extraterrestrial group sources belonging to the putative “Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator,” hereinafter referred to simply as “Confederation,” as we look first at the situation itself, and then at pitfalls of the path and how we may work with this situation. We’ll take up tools of the path such as meditation, prayer, devotion and teaching, and explore our main mission here on Earth, and other gifts we may be here to offer as well. This is also a primer on living a devotional life while busy in the world. There are wonderful books on living reclusively. This is not one of them. This is a manual and thought book for busy people, for those who do not have the luxury of leisure, but must occupy themselves, for the most part, with doing chores and accomplishing duties in order to pay the bills for shelter and food, or to fulfill a felt service even if financially independent. It is a book of connections and sharing, offered for the large number of awakened and awakening spirits who have found themselves becoming “strangers in a strange land.”[7] It is our hope that here may be found resources of real use to us in our everyday life and devotions.

A word about the sources I will be quoting: they are of two kinds. The first kind is quotations taken from letters to me. Since 1976, L/L Research and Schiffer Publications have published several books either written or channeled by me or groups including me, on UFOs, wanderers, channeling and other aspects of this general metaphysical area of research. These books have, for decades, prompted reader mail. I have chosen quotations from some of the more recent of these letters. There are about 200 correspondents whose thoughts I have quoted as sources. Each of the writers who has agreed to be a source in this handbook has chosen what level of privacy she wishes, so some sources will be footnoted under their real names and even URLs or e-mail addresses; some will be cited by an alias-name they have chosen; and many will be represented by my three digit number code-name, which they prefer over another word as an alias. In every case, however they have chosen to be cited, these are real people telling their authentic stories.

The second kind of source is channeled material. I have been a channel for Confederation sources for 26 years. Almost all of the channeling quoted in this book is from my own conscious (or trance for the Ra only) channeling work; all is excerpted from our archive of L/L Research meditation meetings. I use these quotations in addition to my own discussion because I personally have gained so much from hearing their voice, and feel strongly that these Confederation sources have substantially aided me in my own wanderer’s journey. I enjoy their dispassionate and non-emotive choices of words as I have been able to enjoy and use few other sources. To be able to share these helpful voices is a blessing to me. I hope that whether this handbook is simply read straight through, used as an I Ching or to look up subjects of particular interest, you may find their words to be a unique and sturdy comfort, giving strength and good help.

If a few of these words at first appear a bit hard to grasp, please make use of the Glossary at the end of the handbook, in which the words which most readers find challenging or questionable as to exact meaning are defined. I feel the slightly unusual terminology is very helpful in attempting to talk about mystery-specific topics, and worth the slight learning curve.

Of course, my story and lots of my opinion is also a part of this handbook. I have strong feelings concerning the way to live life on Earth in order to maximize the positive potentials of this estate. I will share these, knowing that they are opinion, not expecting any to take my thoughts as dogma, but just as helpful possibilities for consideration. My feeling is that, once we wanderers awaken, we are in a tough situation as long as we try to make the world’s way work for us. Once we reorient ourselves to the universe of the metaphysical world into which we have awakened, where thoughts are things and intentions are much more important than manifestation, we will be able to create some humor, lightness and peace in our personal world. We will find it easier to enjoy this time we have on Earth. And we can far better start to work consciously on what we are here now to do, for we all do, as wanderers, have a task and mission before us.

It is snowing as I finish this Foreword and prepare to start Chapter One. The Earth sleeps, the plants root down and prepare for spring. The time of flowering is a promise yet to come. The time for our planet to flower also approaches. Metaphysically speaking, we look forward to a harvest, of planet Earth and of her peoples. What is our main mission here, as wanderers? We are here to breathe the air, to meet the moment with an open and flowing heart. We are here to allow infinite love to pass through us and out into the Earth planes. If we are meeting this moment with a happy heart, we are already fully doing the main job we came here to do. It sounds simple. It is the hardest thing we will ever try to do: that is, to be our deepest, truest self, that self that DOES meet this moment with a heart open and loving.

Blessings and L/L,

Carla Lisbeth Rueckert

The Magic Kingdom

Louisville, Kentucky

Chapter One: Being A Wanderer

Stories

When people write, telling their stories and asking if they are wanderers, I always reply first with the thought that if they have wandered into realms where this question has relevance for them, then they are definitely wanderers. Depending on what they have to say, many issues may come up, but this question is central for many. Here are two examples:

I sometimes wonder if I’m just losing my mind. My world has turned upside down. I no longer care at all about material things. My beliefs about spiritual life, reincarnation, etc., are far from what I used to believe, or not believe! I often do not trust what I read and what I “receive” when meditating. And I have no idea, really, whether I am a wanderer or not, nor do I know whether it makes any difference. What I do know is that I feel enormous compassion, forgiveness and tolerance, and a sometimes puzzling sense of both sorrow and joy about the world and its inhabitants.[8]

***

I don’t seem to be telepathic, never channeled, feel deeply spiritual and love music, nature, animals, “feel” like I’m from another planet, but have never had that experience, abduction, visitation, etc., that tells me without a doubt, “Hey, you are a wanderer!” Is this the Law of Confusion again? Am I asleep?[9]

As I said in the Foreword, if we feel we may be a wanderer, we are one, at least in the general sense of being the spiritual outsider who finds himself alienated by and isolated in some degree from the surrounding culture because of a mismatch of interests and motivations with that culture. The worldly person is seeking things. The metaphysically biased individual is seeking essence. Here are some examples of wanderers who feel much more certain of their wanderer status:

I must tell you that I am very, very certain about being a “wanderer” or a being from another density, I have felt since I started my mental/spiritual/emotional rebirth that I am a big part in something. I have not yet recognized if I am from another density but that I am preparing for myself and offering my self as a vehicle for those wishing to elevate.[10]

***

I also wanted to tell you that I reached the point of beginning to realize (to me that’s more than just know) that I am a wanderer. Knowing is just in the mind, realizing is in the heart.[11]

***

I am not only discovering that I am not alone, but that I actually fit pretty neatly into the wanderer’s profile.[12]

Ah yes, the profile! There are many. They are fun to play with. I have chosen the one created by Scott Mandelker, author of From Elsewhere: Being ET In America[13] and the recently released Universal Vision: Soul Evolution And The Cosmic Plan,[14] from which this updated version is taken:

The New ET Questionnaire

Your Childhood

1.      Did you often think about, daydream, or fantasize about ETs, UFOs, and other worlds?

2.      Did you feel like ordinary things around you were somehow strange, like the human body, the color of the sky, trees and nature, human architecture, and adults?

3.      Did you ever feel as if your parents were not your real parents, that you had a missing brother or sister, or a home some place far away?

4.      Did you have magical dreams of flying, invisible spirit friends, or receiving special guidance and protection?

5.      Did you look up at the night sky with longing, and sometimes say: “Take me home … Why am I here?” or ask “Why am I so alone?”

Your Personality

6.      Are you kind, gentle, peaceful, and non-aggressive—not just sometimes, but almost always?

7.      Are you hurt, saddened, and confused by all the human evil and cruelty in the world?

8.      Do you feel that money, possessions, and a successful career are not really that important?

9.      Do you sometimes feel more comfortable with plants and animals than with people?

10.      Are you generally sensitive, considerate, generous, and concerned about others around you?

Your Experiences

11.      Have you felt different, out-of-place, or somewhat alienated from human society all your life?

12.      Have you had dreams, visions, or sightings of UFOs that inspired real spiritual growth?

13.      Have you had dramatic dreams of Earth changes, geological and social upheaval, the end of the world, or future civilization?

14.      Are you logical, scientific, non-emotional, and somewhat confused by hot passion and desire?

15.      Have you had a clear and uplifting contact with benevolent, kind, and highly-evolved ETs?

Your Interests

16.      Are you interested in science fiction, epic fantasy, angels, high-technology, and world prophecy?

17.      Are you interested in Atlantis, Lemuria, channeling, pyramids, New Age ideas and UFOs?

18.      Are you interested in meditation, alternative healing, or bringing love and light to the world?

19.      Do you believe human society is ignorant of the spiritual truths that you know to be true?

20.      Do you have a strong sense of purpose and feel that your mission is to help Earth and humanity?

Scoring Your ET Identity

For each YES answer, give yourself 5 points and then total your score.

(For every “somewhat” answer, give yourself 3 points.)

100-75 points:

In my view, you definitely are an ET soul, but perhaps you are not surprised!

75-25 points:

You may or may not be a Star Person, and you need more reflection to know for sure.

25-00 points:

You probably are not an ET soul, but why are you interested in these matters?[15]

Are we wanderers? One young soul answers in the affirmative:

Wanderer am I.

A misfit, perpetual freelancer in someone else’s world.

They know I am not one of them,

Though I appear to be,

Not one among them

I Am,

My brothers know

Through the eyes of their beliefs

They see not me

As in a mirror

One knows the image is not being.

For the image has no beating heart

That moves as soul through time.

So I am not one of them,

The image in the astral mirror of time

My brothers search for

And believe.

So I wander, surprised daily

For my persistence to exist here

Where I wander searching, observing,

Hopefully becoming

That part of me no one knows,

Including myself.

Wandering has its gifts,

Moments turn to bliss

In all too rare connections.

Where are the other parts

Of me That I am

That I may meet

In moments of the sweet

Remembrance embracing celebrations,

Licking flames of wanderings

Flickering in this place of motion,

The merry-go-round too swift

To remember the faces passing

In the night of longing.[16]

We are wanderers who long for something we cannot find but we sense exists. Whether we style ourselves as ETs or Earth natives, we are those who have awakened spiritually to wander in search of our source and ending. We have awakened to the beauty and the high principles of unity, service and love, and we are searching for ways to bring these elements into our everyday life. For us, it is not an idle matter to try and improve the quality of our lives. It is essential. If we try to follow the ways of the world, we will have a great deal of difficulty having a decent life experience, and sometimes even have trouble surviving.

Paranormal Experiences

It seems that many wanderers are brought to awakening by paranormal and UFO experiences. Jung felt that UFOs were either images projected forth by our group archetypical mind, which theory would harmonize well with the theory of the cluster of events function as awakener and activator of deeper identity, or that they were projections onto real objects of these archetypes. In the latter case, which I believe as accurate as the first, I do feel that UFOs are in some cases real, physical objects. However, the majority of UFO experiences, and the totality of dream or paranormal UFO experiences, are those in which the ETs involved are positively polarized, and have the intention of helping the Earth metaphysically at this time. Many wanderers, for whatever reason, do have experiences during their awakening process. Those of Latwii, the fifth-density Confederation source and speaker of the principle of Q’uo, talks about why so many wanderers have these experiences:

It is our perception that the vibration of change of the atomic structure of your illusion has indeed made the transition to what is called variously the New Age, the Age of Aquarius, or the density of love. Due to this transfiguration of the nature of your illusion, the what are normally called paranormal experiences are much more common upon your planet at this time, for it is the density of love and understanding in which you now reside, and it is the nature of this density to express itself through entities such as those upon your planet in a manner which utilizes the power of the mind to create, to communicate and to become one with its environment.[17]

Confederation sources frequently have said that we are already enjoying the first light of fourth density. This and many other communications of the same tenor lead me to feel that this shift into fourth density is not to take the form of a rapture, ascension or some apocryphal catastrophe, but is rather a process that has already begun and will continue for many years and even centuries to come. It is my personal opinion that paranormal and UFO events do sometimes have the intended function of awakening wanderers and activating Earth souls, and later in this chapter we’ll look more at that aspect. But first, I would like to share some of the stories people have shared with me about the paranormal in general:

I had full awareness and I was still me, still unique in some way, but I was without body or form and I could see in all directions at the same time. I was a part of everything and everything was a part of me. When I remember looking into the vastness of space, it was as if I was looking at everything and nothing, all at the same time. Although I was left to myself to contemplate my new life (dilemma it felt more like) I was very much aware of the power, unity and knowledge that I was a part of. That everything that had life or energy was all part of the one. That although I didn’t know everything all I had to do was to form the question and the knowledge that had been learned or experienced would be shared with me. But first I had to evolve enough to ask the right questions.[18]

***

Over four years ago, in September of 1995, a voice began to emerge from me when I was painting in my studio. A week or so later it started coming out during meditation also. This voice is not in English, and I thought it sounded Asian. A couple months later I decided to record it, and I took the recording to the university to see if anyone could tell me what the language was. I talked to a professor of Chinese and also one of Japanese. Neither could identify it as their language and had no idea what it was. This voice continued coming through and still does, always during meditation and while I paint.[19]

***

My story begins in the late 1960s. I used to lecture about the new age teachings, and some deeper things that where either taught me or came to me. This round light about four to five inches [in diameter] was playing around the room and it went from the floor to the ceiling and all four walls. I thought it was someone with a flashlight outside and went to look. No one was anywhere around and no light source was found, so I went back inside and sat back down. I watched the light go around the room and under a chair, behind pictures and behind my chair. I thought, that’s strange. I never saw a light do that before. Then it sat on my shoulder and in an instant it was inside me and I saw a creature that looks close to those in Close Encounters of the Third Kind,[20] the little ones. What happened next is a strange and mind-stretching event. I was taken to a place in space and was in the center of a transparent bubble, and could see in every direction at one time. I saw solar systems born and life begin and the whole process of a solar creation. I saw the life force and It saw me and smiled.[21]

To finish this section, here are two stories of paranormal oddities having to do with the physical body:

You asked regarding the soap opera about the triangular cuts on my hands and the ball beneath my skin. I was referring to August 22, 1986, when I awoke to find these signs of surgery on my hands, and a small, hard ball beneath the top skin on my left hand. I could make the ball move around by flexing my fingers. It disappeared, into my system, I guess in a few days, and the cuts/scrapes (in the same place on both hands, near thumbs) healed quickly.[22]

***

At the age of 25 I discovered a small bump on the bridge of my nose almost between my eyes that was painful. Thinking it was a large pimple I went to have a look in the mirror and was shocked at its shape. It was a sort of crescent shape and wasn’t a pimple at all. It seemed to be something stuck under my skin, so I reached up to feel it and just before I touched it, it shot like a flash up and into my head! It felt very strange and it moved as if it were alive.[23]

A wonderful soul who manifests as an elderly, energetic woman sent me this quotation from George Hunt Williamson’s Road In The Sky, as she felt it had relevance to her markings:

How can we identify or recognize a wanderer? It is not easily done. However, these space friends, who live and work with us daily, are identified by their brothers in the sky by certain body markings. These marks may take the form of scar tissue that has been present on the body from birth and thereby not acquired by any natural means, and they may take the form of unusual types of stigmata, not the religious type. The marks serve as a key of remembrance to the individuals they are located on. By thinking of these strange scars, the apple is immediately put into the right frame of mind and vibrations for lifting a memory veil.[24]

Ufos In Waking And Dream State

By now, hopefully, we may begin to feel that our own experiences are not so unusual! It is logical to assume that wanderers will have and will report UFO experiences. Certainly there are many wanderers whose experiences do not include visitations from UFOs, but both physical and metaphysical or dream UFOs are reported to me often. The following are representative of UFO dreams and visions, contacts I would call metaphysical, since there is no physical UFO seen in the conscious state:

I am 23 and a music student. I saw dreams in my childhood about spaceships landing on Earth or just hanging on the sky. I was talking to them.[25]

***

I was in a light to medium trance state, and I found myself “watching” an enormous cloud formation billowing up. It was massive and quite impressive. As I watched, two identical pyramid shapes emerged from the cloud bank, and hovered side by side above me. They were angled slightly, so I could see the bottom, as well as the sides of the structures or ships. I felt a rise in energy, and the pyramids began to glow with a brilliant light. The main source of the light seemed to come from the underside of each, although within minutes it appeared that the light was expanding outward from all angles. Prior to this event, I had been experiencing depression that I couldn’t account for, or understand. Immediately afterwards, the feelings of depression and semi-anxiety were gone, and have not returned. Also after the event, I received the impression that I had been initiated, and something had been passed on, or down, to me, that would be imparted to others at a later date.[26]

***

I was in my early thirties when I “awoke” quite suddenly and dramatically. I had been practicing transcendental meditation when I saw a spinning object. I didn’t understand what it was at first but when I came out of the meditation I realized that it was some sort of UFO. This confounded me, as UFOs were not a part of my consciousness at that time. Then a profound knowing overcame me and I thought, “Oh my God, this is not my home!” I could see a place, warm and dry, and very sandy, in my mind’s eye. I think there were two suns in the sky. It felt so peaceful and comfortable to me.[27]

A large percentage of the UFO events told to me are metaphysical. It would seem that the positively oriented or service-to-others UFO entities, such as the Confederation, have come to prefer the metaphysical or thought-form appearances over the physical ones, because of free will issues. In my opinion, the majority, though perhaps not all, of the physical sightings at close range are either of confused and mixed vibration contact, or are negative contacts; that is, contact by service-to-self species such as the much written about grays. Here are some positive UFO tales:

When I was twelve years old I prayed to see some flying saucers and a few weeks later while I was waiting against a pole on the school ground during recess I looked over my shoulder and saw twenty metallic, concave on the bottom, dark spot in the center, spacecraft flying by me in military review formation.[28]

***

As a young teen I began to see people walking through my bedroom walls, and when I told my folks about it, they had me put into Norton’s Hospital for a full year. It was there that I saw a ship that hovered at the top floor and seemed to cover a full city block. I could see the people inside of it looking straight at us! We were all rushed into our rooms and locked down, and doctors came to speak to all of us to see what had happened. No one seemed to remember exactly what happened except me, but even I forgot this until about a year or so ago. Then while watching a program on UFOs, I remembered it in great detail.[29]

***

Before the close encounter experience described herein, I had had two previous UFO sightings at a distance, which affected me very deeply. These two experiences became a catalyst for me to study whatever material I could get my hands on regarding the subject of UFOs and related paranormal phenomena. I have studied the UFO phenomena for about 30 years. Before having the aforementioned experience in 1975, I do not recall reading anything in particular about luminous red orbs. If I were to have developed some deep desire to see a UFO, I would have had the image in my mind of the classic disc-shaped dull metallic variety of UFO, not a globe-shaped craft. The lenticular type of craft is what has always fascinated me. I believe there is some sort of mental connection associated with these phenomena.[30]

Ask around nowadays about aliens and we will find a culturally settled feeling that they are real, and they are here. Naturally, the story is confused. There is no common experience of aliens walking among us. They don’t board the bus and tip their hats to us. But television and movie scripts assume some version of alien presence to be true, and little green advertising toons flog beer in commercials. So the culture has a rather deep acceptance factor about ETs, while maintaining a joking and rather derisive attitude to people who have experienced or maintain the truth of a real and happening UFO and ET presence, in real time, right now. I expect this will always be the case. The positively oriented Confederation entities state that they are not able to land among us without infringing upon our free will, which they carefully avoid doing, in true Star Trek style. Negatively oriented UFO entities are not nearly so trammeled by ethical considerations, and do abridge the free will of UFO experiencers all the time. But still, they can only be as present as their calling by negatively oriented Earth humans, just as positively oriented outer presences are limited in their presence in the Earth’s inner planes by their calling by positively polarized Earth seekers. They cannot just land en masse. Further, when new evidence is tortured into the light, it generally suggests continuing collusion between existing Earth power structures and alien races involving schemes they very much do not want made public and incredibly dramatic apocalypses of nature and man to boot. The theories vary. My favorite is one sometimes called The Emerald Tablets. It ranks tops for elegance and style. However, conspiracies in common demand secrecy, by their nature. This factor also would drastically reduce the acceptability of UFO presence and ETs among us being acknowledged. What decent conspiracy could thrive, or illicit trade of whatever kind prosper, in an atmosphere of total knowledge? Without wanting, at this point in my life, to know which version of the myriad sub-species of conspiracy theories is the most accurate, I feel that some version of them may well be true. Have there not been forces always tying to control money and power in society? Do not such forces, once successful, start caching money and information? Would not the more successful tend to endure? And in times perceived as apocalyptic, would not such forces risk much to defend private or perceived charitable or public interests, for their or our own good? Further, without attempting to prove which races are here for what agendas, I acknowledge that there are alien presences here. I specify only that I feel that these forces, whatever their agreements with our Earth, are negatively polarized, and that they come from planets whose path of seeking is negatively polarized. I do not pursue this area of physical cases with my former assiduity because I have found no personal metaphysical interest in anything those ETs are reported to have said. The physical UFOs that leave dents in the ground when they land are usually not positively polarized in terms of the orientation of the ETs aboard. However, most of the public awareness of these ETs is of those whom the Confederation sources have called Orion, or the Orion Empire. Now, what is that, and how does it differ from the “love and light” Confederation? Don Elkins asks about positive UFO contacts here:

Questioner: Can you tell me of the various techniques used by the service-to-others positively oriented Confederation contacts with the people of this planet, the various forms and techniques of making contact?[31]

Those of Ra reply:

Ra: I am Ra. The most efficient mode of contact is that which you experience at this space/time. The infringement upon free will is greatly undesired. Therefore, those entities which are wanderers upon your plane of illusion will be the only subjects for the thought projections which make up the so-called “Close Encounters” and meetings between positively oriented social memory complexes and wanderers.[32]

The “mode” which we were experiencing was channeled telepathic contact through a human instrument, in this case, myself. This method of contact does not infringe upon free will at all, there being no hope of proof of such a contact. However, channeled contact is not the only positive UFO contact possibility. The Ra group also explained that sometimes, a seemingly physical UFO experience involves someone who has the expectation of being taken on board and examined:

Questioner: I have become aware of a very large variation in the contact with individuals. Could you give me general examples of the methods used by the Confederation to awaken or partially awaken the wanderers they contact?

Ra: I am Ra. The methods used to awaken wanderers are varied. The center of each approach is the entrance into the conscious and subconscious in such a way as to avoid causing fear and to maximize the potential for an understandable, subjective experience which has meaning for the entity. Many such occur in sleep, others in the midst of many activities during the waking hours. The approach is flexible and does not necessarily include the Close Encounter syndrome, as you are aware.

Questioner: What about the physical examination syndrome? How does that relate to wanderers and Confederation and Orion contacts?

Ra: I am Ra. The subconscious expectations of entities cause the nature and detail of thought-form experience offered by Confederation thought-form entities. Thus, if a wanderer expects a physical examination, it will, perforce, be experienced with as little distortion towards alarm or discomfort as is allowable by the nature of the expectations of the subconscious distortions of the wanderer. … The Orion group uses the physical examination as a means of terrifying the individual and causing it to feel the feelings of an advanced second-density being such as a laboratory animal. The sexual experiences of some are a sub-type of this experience. The intent is to demonstrate the control of the Orion entities over the Terran inhabitant. The [positive] thought-form experiences are subjective and, for the most part, do not occur in this density.[33]

The Ra speak specifically of the point or function of positively oriented UFO contact:

The feeling of being awakened or activated is the goal of this type of contact. The duration and imagery used varies depending upon the subconscious expectations of the wanderer which is experiencing this opportunity for activation.[34]

And here they speak of what the mechanics of mixed contact are:

Questioner: Are most of the UFOs which are seen in our skies from the Orion group?

Ra: I am Ra. Many of those seen in your skies are of the Orion group. They send out messages. Some are received by those who are oriented toward service to others. These messages then are altered to be acceptable to those entities while warning of difficulties ahead. This is the most that self-serving entities can do when faced with those whose wish is to serve others. The contacts which the group finds most helpful to their cause are those contacts made with entities whose orientation is towards service to self. There are many thought-form entities in your skies which are of a positive nature and are the projections of the Confederation.[35]

Orion is a constellation in the night sky that contains the first magnitude stars of Rigel and Betelgeuse. There well may be efforts at positive contact from these star systems’ populations, but Orion contact has come to mean negative contact, and we will use it that way. Information on Orion contact has been channeled by Laura Knight-Jadzyk, author of The Cassiopaeans, who wrote this to me:

There is a big effort on behalf of Orion Union Service to Self (STS) and their human brethren, the Consortium, to create a new race and control it as well as the rest of humanity. They are also engineering new bodies for themselves to occupy at the time of the transition to fourth density because theirs no longer satisfy them. The cloning and stealing of human embryos is a study to determine which is [the] best soul receptacle for themselves. They plan to switch physical realities.[36]

That’s one theory! There are more! My own feeling is that we will continue to receive as much disinformation as information, and I salute the inevitability of unknowing! In our own research we have often run into stories that seem to suggest this theory that the grays are after genetic material. Everything from cattle mutilations to human women reporting the conception and birth of alien “air” babies, where the signs of pregnancy are there, including fetal heartbeat, and then after about three months, all symptoms disappear, seem to bear this theory out. However, this is all hypothesis, not fact, Whitley Strieber’s and others’ books notwithstanding. Here are two such stories:

Suddenly I woke up on their ship surrounded by them (grays). I pleaded the blood of Jesus and they really were surprised! Then I was calmed and one of them approached me. I told him I knew about “The One.” That was all I remembered.[37]

***

After going thru the abductee checklist, I believe both my son and my boyfriend have also been contacted. Unexplainable blood stains on the bedcovers, my sleep paralysis at times, the uneasy sleep that they both get, unexplained bruises on all of us. There is something deep within my psyche that will not let me remember a lot of these things.[38]

The aim of this first section is to share enough stories to let readers see that they truly are not the only ones having bizarre and unusual (from the standpoint of consensus reality) things happen to them. If we haven’t hit your particular sort of experience yet, read on! There are more!

With A Little Help From My Friends

Almost all wanderers’ experience of daily life is one which includes many feelings of being alone. The mismatch between the self and the more “normal” members of our culture is often all too evident. Perhaps that is why there is so much effort by unseen friends to make and maintain contact. Here Q’uo speaks on this point:

We assure each that we walk with you on this journey and that no entity walks alone, for each has those friends, teachers and guides that walk with it as do those brothers and sisters within your own illusion walk with each in spirit.[39]

Here are two tales of wanderers being befriended by human-like beings:

It started about five or six years ago. All my normal dreams stopped and I saw this form of a man. Every night he showed me things. I saw all my lives. Who I am. He has taught me balance with most things. I love people much more now. Almost everything they do will make me smile. It’s like I have a secret.[40]

***

I was always an oddity. Born in the south with a Native American background, the unusual became a way of life. By the time I was three or four, I had experienced so-called “abduction” experiences. I did not see them as a negative. They were my friends, my playmates. Contact has continued in one form or another over the years. Sometimes it still gets very intense.[41]

I imagine that the unusual is a way of life for many of us, at least from time to time! These voices of spirit do not have the timbre and sound of spoken communication all the time. Here Q’uo talks about these voices:

The voice of spirit seems to speak in so many ways to one who is listening, and the more one begins to attend to coincidences and synchronicities, the more one begins to get a feeling of spirit talking back to you, that unseen companion that is willing to place within the consciousness alternate ways of being. This is work for the persistent, for, indeed, it is the work of the incarnation, not a work done in a day, or a year, or a decade, but rather that goal of self-awareness and self-choice that is as the star that each follows.[42]

More voices:

As a child I would see spirits, talk with them. My friends were the trees, the animals, the sky, the stars, and the earth. Since I can remember I have always been in communication with the spirit world. Since I was a child I could see apparitions and communicate with them, ETs, animals, etc. I still can and do though sometimes the spirits only appear in colors. I get messages from them. And comfort.[43]

***

I was about twelve years old, reading There Is A River, about Edgar Cayce. Voices in my head were telling me information of a similar nature to that which Cayce channeled. I knew the answers after I read questions that people in the book supposedly asked Cayce. I have since realized most twelve-year-olds do not crave metaphysics as I did at that point. I feel fortunate because I can “prove” metaphysical contact. By this I mean up until 12 or 13 I received average grades in school. Then in seventh grade my mind exploded because then school work became a lot easier. I would say the more complicated subjects especially such as mathematics. I am a statistician by vocation today.[44]

Oh, would that more school children might get such needed aid in such a timely manner! More and more children are being born with unusual awarenesses. Then there are angelic visitations. I realize that the word, “angel,” has emotive content, positive for those who do not object to this culturally charged image, negative for those who do. Yet, by whatever name these essences are called, this is an important sub-type of voice, often reported, because of the permeation of the culture with this set of images. In my own channeling, this image appears fairly frequently. Call them what we will, they are a mighty force. Here, those of Q’uo say:

There is much unseen support for work in consciousness, for prayers, and for a life lived in faith. We ask you to lean into that support. This instrument would call it angelic support and say that there are angels everywhere. Other entities would describe this far differently, but the concept remains the same. There is guidance. There is help, for the Creator is constantly communicating to you using everything: nature, the environment, other people, coincidences. Be alert. Begin to see the spiritually interesting coincidences and you shall be much encouraged thereby.[45]

I love that phrase, “spiritually interesting coincidences.” Once we catch on to looking for them, they are literally everywhere. More about those in later chapters.

Two angel stories from wanderers:

At the age of two … I first heard my guardian angel. I was most of the way up our basement steps with my pup in hand when a deep male voice said quite audibly in my right ear, “Put the puppy down. You’re going to fall.” I remember turning around and pondering where on Earth that voice came from. I didn’t listen though and, yes, I ended up at the bottom of the stairs. I have heard that same voice at various times throughout my life giving warning, although I was 16 before I realized it was time I started to listen, and he has never been wrong.[46]

***

When I was about 18 months old, I saw this “angel,” who had come to see me, I suppose, and although I did not recognize him as someone from the village, I did know him from somewhere. He looked like Michael Jackson, heaven forbid, with this long black and curly hair staring at me with deep blue eyes, almost violet in color, big flowery irises, and he seemed to be shocked. I heard him thinking: “My God, what have you done!” And he was thinking about waves of sadness lying ahead (of me, but still, it was making him sad). I can’t really say that I understood what was going on. And then he kneeled down and caressed my cheek, still looking at me and I looking at him, trying to take it all in and then he stood and turned and walked away and I followed suit and, once in the garden, a billowing mist stood over the pumpkin patch, green, like a bow it stood and descended to Earth and he walked into it and the next moment he was gone with the mist![47]

Perhaps the best angel story I ever heard came from a young woman, so long ago I cannot recall her name. I do remember that she had five children very close in age, the oldest being seven. They told her about this nice man that would come to them when they were in bed, and tell them stories till they went to sleep. One Saturday morning she awoke, realizing that it was already broad daylight and her children must be up and hungry. Wondering why they had not awakened her as they normally did, she went to the kitchen, only to find the remains of an eggs and bacon breakfast on the table, and five satisfied toddlers. They excitedly reported that their friend had asked them to let their Mom sleep in, while he fixed them breakfast. She said that she would have doubted them, or even dismissed it completely, except for the dirty frying pan and the leftover food on the children’s plates! To finish this section, here is a story of an alien voice:

There have been times when I needed reassurance that I was not just crazy. I asked “the friends” to show themselves in a material way. They agreed. This is something that I will not ask again. The experience of seeing them was incredibly beautiful and traumatic. Asking fourth-density beings to materialize is something I recommend against, unless you are comfortable with your reality being ripped away.[48]

Those of Q’uo bid this section good-bye as they say:

Sorrow is essential to this experience that you call third-density life. But your attitude towards this sorrowing, grieving and changing process can create for you a peace that surpasses all understanding. We encourage each of you to see that heaven, even if it is from afar, to know that the angels and ministers that have always loved you, love you now and are here to help you. Though unseen they hover, waiting to comfort, looking for ways to confirm any glimmer of hope within. You are never alone in this process. This is a guarded and protected process, and the haven does abide. May each of you help each other to find your way home.[49]

Not Belonging

As a wanderer, I am less psychic than most, except for my channeling, which did not spring up spontaneously, but was a response to a request from Don Elkins that I develop that gift. In terms of UFO or paranormal sightings or any of the various voices we’ve heard from, I am without experience, thick as a plank. But I really fit in as a wanderer in how much I do not fit in with the world. Boy, oh brother, do I not fit in. I am told I was a happy baby, a bubbly toddler and always a gay and light child. That is the person my family knew. Actually, for the first two years of my life, I only knew my mother, as my dad had gone to the South Pacific two months after I was conceived, and did not return until three years later. For the first year, Mother and I lived with her parents, and my first memories are of Nana, my mother’s mother, teaching the piano to students in the next room while I sat up in my high chair. I was a precocious child, reading music at two and words at three, singing in the church choir when I was four, running off the IQ scale at 200 when I was tested at age five, and again at age eight. Please note that this precocity or “genius” IQ does not, in my opinion, speak to the question of adult competence or true intelligence. It merely ensures that I have a very busy mind that processes a lot of material. This is not a particularly handy trait, but I share high intelligence with many, many awakened spiritual seekers. Wanderers tend to be smart.

To make the sense of difference deeper, I was physically odd looking, skinny, with a badly crossed eye which had been with me since birth and which remained daffy until my body grew old enough that the eye muscles could be operated on at age eleven. I wore glasses from the age of 14 months. Other children did not relate to me as a fellow child. My nickname at school was “Professor.” I earnestly wished I could fit in. I made efforts. My problem was that the “normal” activities made no sense to me. Why would I want to play with a doll? I had a little brother! I made repeated tries at playing with other children, but I was rebuffed, always. For the most part I read countless books, spent solitary time in nature and dreamed my way through an otherwise most uncomfortable childhood. I made sense to myself, and to some extent my family accepted me, but they knew I was different, and so did the world.

Things turned around for me when I was sixteen, going on seventeen. It was as if suddenly, the rest of the people my age could see some kind of sense to me. From that point on, my experience with the world of people has been much, much less disconcerting, but there remains a distance that I do not know how to bridge between me and the cultural games by which people figure out the pecking order and defend territory. I have come to know when those games are going on, because I can feel the discomfort in the atmosphere. But at no time have I been able to penetrate the games. I am without a hint or shadow of what it means to be normal. This does have its up-side, and I have come to celebrate being myself. But learning to accept myself was a long road filled with ruts of self-unworth and pain. And I know I am not at all alone, for many have written in to share their feelings of not belonging. Hatonn says:

We are very pleased that so many of those who came to the Earth sphere during this time have remembered or are beginning subconsciously to remember why they came, for it is very usual in such cases for at least nine out of ten of these incarnated extra-dimensional people to forget for their entire incarnation why it is that they have such a feeling of not belonging, why it is that they do not fit in, why it is that their natures seem so often at odds with society.[50]

I promise we will get to working with the “why” of this. For now, my aim is to acquaint us with the many other wanderers who, like us, do not seem to fit in. Here are two wanderers whose feelings of not belonging surfaced as a child:

I have known what I was seemingly forever. As a small child, I knew something was different. I grew up with few friends, and always associated myself with being “too” something, too tall, too smart, too fat, too loud; not quite in social parameters, too often on the outside looking in, with an eye that was far above my years, as many said. And in being different that young, you can imagine, for children are often cruel to those who are different. And eventually I learned to hide it away and put on the appearance of “normal.”[51]

***

My mother tells me I’ve always been very different. I was not rebellious or rude, but just acted and behaved differently. People and friends always told me I was strange or weird, from the things I say. I never liked groups or being in a crowd of people like at a party.[52]

I can sympathize there: I still avoid large or formal parties.

School was difficult for me, because I was quicker than most students, which my teachers found troubling. They also tended to take behavior like correcting their mistakes and attempting to tutor slower students who sat near me as misbehavior. I spent half of third grade and all of fourth grade in the school library, as the teacher I had for those two years became unable to abide having me in her class. I consumed the contents of most of the books in that library, by the way, and thoroughly enjoyed that period in my life. Here is another soul who found school to be her first focus of not belonging:

As a child, I used to cry every single day. I mean, if someone looked at me wrong, it would set me to tears. I used to drive my parents nuts. I moved to New Hampshire back in 1979 when I was only nine, from a large school to a small one, and immediately I was an outsider, and boy oh boy, how I was attacked and picked on. I never fit in. It’s like how animals, if they sense a weakness or difference, they attack and kill. That’s how it was for me through school. Today, 20 years later, I’m comfortable with the fact that no, I do not fit in.[53]

Some wanderers report the feeling of being an outsider as first focusing as a teenager:

Finding normal group socialization awkward and often meaningless in content I was partially given and partially reached for the role of outsider from the beginning of my teens. Escapism was into fantasy and science-fiction.[54]

I inhaled science fiction and fantasy also, from about the age of fourteen, and still love that genre. Here are two stories about being different as adults:

I used to think difficulties I had in life were just mere reflections of everyone’s life. That is, all humans, at one time or another, have difficulties in living, but I’ve come to realize that my difficulties arise from a fundamental difference in thought. I’ve yet to meet anyone who holds any of my ideals or basic life beliefs. Most of the time I feel like I’m on the outside of a bubble looking in at the rest of humanity, unable to understand or commune with them; and there’s no way to break or enter that bubble. Most of the time I don’t even feel human, although I can’t deny my human physiology.[55]

***

I’ve often wondered if I’m a wanderer since I’ve never felt very much at home or comfortable here, there, or anywhere. Is that a wanderer??? Very difficult life. I’m 67, a Ph.D., editor, college professor, etc. But there’s a void, a feeling of having been abandoned. Not connected to life like other people are. But by whom? Why? These are very great and important questions for me. Are there answers? No. Are there solutions?? Perhaps.[56]

And these voices speak to me with a special flavor also:

I am not certain who or what I am. One thing is certain: I have never felt as if I belong. Many of my contemporaries have stated behind my back that I am a strange one, that I am different. Well, the only thing I am certain of is that I am very different and have felt this difference all my life. I have always felt alone on this planet among the multitudes. Many times I have asked the universe, “Why am I so different.”[57]

***

Even though I have always felt different from others, I have always accepted myself as I am. Sometimes I wondered why I was the way I was. No answer, of course. I wasn’t awake then. Now that I am awake, I don’t mind the feeling of differentness. I look on it as a reminder that my spirit is evolving and I do so look forward to reaching the next spiritual level.[58]

Not From Around Here!

Lots of wanderers have far more than a vague suspicion that they don’t come from around here. Q’uo talks about this:

We are aware of the feeling that many entities within this planetary influence experience, of being away from home, and may suggest that there are many, many entities upon this planet that have journeyed here from elsewhere, that is, from another planetary influence. You are not all of one source or origination as far as progression from a second-density influence into the third density, and this accounts for much of the difficulty in relationships between societies, nationalities, races, religions and so forth upon your planetary influence.[59]

So it is not only entities from higher densities that have come to planet Earth from elsewhere. Many times, Confederation entities talk about the various unfinished third-density populations, such as Mars and Maldek, who entered reincarnation cycles on Earth in order to finish third-density lessons of love that they were unable to fulfill on their native spheres because their planets became inhospitable to third-density life. This sentiment is echoed by Norma Talvik:

The way I see it, we are all from someplace else, or I could say we are all cosmic beings.[60]

But we who are wanderers from higher densities have characteristic types of homesickness. As Q’uo puts it:

These entities, however, have within them the distant and dimly lit memory of their origin as being from elsewhere, and in many cases this feeling is in the form of what you may call a kind of homesickness or alienation from the planetary influences and vibrations that are of a more disharmonious nature within this third-density influence. However, each entity in the heart of its being is aware that, though there is a home that may be located elsewhere, the true home of all seekers of light and servants of the one Creator is within that service and within that light that comes from only one source, the one Creator, and each may take solace in knowing that the Creator resides within each entity and shines the light of love and service to all equally.[61]

I can well remember meeting Don Elkins, and feeling that he knew everything I was thinking. It was a wonderful, homey kind of feeling. No explanations needed! Some wanderers have deeply awakened and can read us clearly, and it is a marvelous feeling. However, to counterbalance this, there are many who may fear that some who came here as wanderers will not awaken to their deeper identity:

My guidance is that many more of us were seeded here than were actually needed in the end, because it was known that not all of us would make it through. The parable about the sowing of the seed says it well. I feel I barely made it myself, and only by the slimmest of threads.[62]

So to those of us who have remembered enough to be reading this volume, the Q’uo group says:

As wanderers you came for two reasons: to serve and to be tested. If there is comfort in knowing that the path that is in front of each now is the appropriate, destined path designed by yourself, then please take comfort in that. There is always, in the illusion, the feeling that to be without the heavy body and heavy experiences of third density would be greatly desired. Yet, as soon as the incarnation is naturally over, the seeking spirit gazes backwards and thinks, “Why did I not learn more? What a great opportunity!”[63]

Let’s listen to some wanderers who remember other planetary homes:

I was eight when I told everyone that I was from Venus, and I believed it. I couldn’t explain it satisfactorily to myself or anyone else, but I was sure of it.[64]

***

I am in love with the blue star, Sirius. It is my home, I feel. And my mind goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, nut case.[65]

***

I know that I am not from planet Earth and that I came here via Sirius, but from where I do not know. I am a Reiki Master and enjoy my work in the healing arts, but I never charge for my services.[66]

For many wanderers, such as these below, the stars themselves triggered homesickness:

I think I have always known I was “star people” even before I knew the words or understood the concepts. I remember lying in the grass on summer nights, looking at the stars and feeling a deep and sorrowful homesickness.[67]

***

Always wanted to leave this planet, this life. Always thinking about life on other planets, always longing to fly among the stars.[68]

Many wanderers are triggered by that wonderful word itself: “home”:

At one point, I too had a very strong longing to go “home.” I recognized it, and I said it to a friend. But I didn’t really understood what I meant, ’cause all of the homes I knew in this life didn’t seem to be where I wanted to go.[69]

***

The themes of my dreams were of distant lands and realities, such as looking down from a ridge over a valley of pristine woods in a country before any civilization, weeping and thinking, “I want to go home.” The depth of sorrow and homesickness that I felt in the dream was immense.[70]

***

As a very young child, I would look at the sky and wonder why I was here, why I couldn’t go home. But I knew I had a lesson to learn here and a job to do. I have never felt at home here but I do appreciate the beauty that exists on this planet.[71]

These memories of elsewhere can be faint, yet telling:

What I haven’t told her is something else I’ve never spoken of: that ever since childhood I’ve had a memory of some other place/time/life that has always been just out of reach of recall; but as faint and as tantalizing as it’s been, the emotions connected with it are far stronger and more meaningful than any others I’ve experienced in this life. During the past few months those images have taken on a greater strength and clarity, though I still cannot bring them into the full light of consciousness.[72]

***

I’ll try to be brief and try to find the words to describe something that is really indescribable within the confines of the human language today. This “memory/experience” is still as vivid today as it was when it happened. It shapes and molds who I am and everything I believe in. It still continues to be more real to me to this day than the actual physical world is around me.[73]

Thomas Wright finishes this section with a wry and unsettling thought:

I think we all wonder what home we really come from. But maybe more important: if we could go back, would we feel the familiar comfort, or would we be a stranger because of our new experiences? Would it be possible to feel the same now about home? Could we be happy and at peace with “home”? Think about it. Perhaps, once chosen, the path of a wanderer must always lead away, never toward, home. Contentment may be the price one pays, for adventure and wonder.[74]

Chapter Two: The Anatomy Of Separation

Separation From Family

To some extent, every individual will feel, at least at times, sorely separated from family or friends. But for wanderers, the separation is felt steadily, keenly and over a lifetime. It is not a separation from the world of nature, but from other human beings. For many wanderers, it begins right in the early years of the birth family. Q’uo says:

So, at the heart of being a wanderer is that feeling of dislocation, of being in the world but not of the world in which you find yourselves. Because this situation seems full of discomfort, many who have wandered here are simply miserable without finding any comfort. To respond to that need for comforting some who have responded have leaned in their discussions heavily towards comforting wanderers by encouraging a sense of separation from native Earth humans. We do not encourage this line of thought because each wanderer, in coming into your Earth’s sphere of influence, took upon it the responsibility of citizenship of this Earth. As much as any other native inhabitant, wanderers will be expected to walk the steps of light when this incarnational experience is at an end, and, just as much as any native inhabitant of Earth, if the steps are walked to a point of comfort within third density the wanderer shall not return to its home vibratory nexus but, rather, shall continue in third density until graduation is achieved.[75]

I believe this is an important point. We may not have always been on Earth, but we incarnated here as Earth natives, people of the blood and dust of this native sphere, subject to its requirements for departure. We will not get back to our home densities until we realize this and work to polarize enough for graduation from our present, third-density, experience. Being natives here seems to separate us from our eternal wanderer spirit, although it does not. Those of Latwii say:

Separation seems to run very deep and one forgets that the stones sing, that the Earth shouts with rejoicing and that the trees skip in the springtime. How easy it is to feel oneself separate from life that indwells all things. How easy it is to feel separate from oneself, to feel that there are factions within the self which must be reconciled, to find oneself analyzing and re-analyzing to no avail.[76]

Norma Talvik describes the basic situation:

I never was a joiner and lived most of my life by myself, and for sure I have never felt more alone or isolated when I am around a large group of people. Yet, individually I love people, and have many wonderful friends, but it is not my people or my home. I can feel very close to an animal, dog, wolf, horse or other, but not to humans.[77]

As it applies to the birth family, the reported dislocation can be felt as the family rejecting the wanderer:

I have had many experiences throughout my life that I have only now begun to realize were different, except for the fact that the other kids thought me “different” and my “family” wished me swept under the rug.[78]

However, some wanderers are of sturdier stuff, and they reject the family, rather than waiting around for the family to reject them:

When I was young I always thought I was adopted even though I knew differently, I had a hard time for awhile because I did not feel accepted by my parents, even though they loved me in their own way.[79]

***

While growing up I remember thinking that my parents were not my parents, my family not my family. That my “real” family would come and get me and take me home. Even my mother said that if I didn’t look so much like her she wouldn’t believe that I was her child.[80]

That is a tough audience! Here, those of Q’uo share some insight on how to work with these feelings:

The only catalyst dealt with in third density is fear and love. The entity begins its babyhood wrapped in love, love known throughout its system, and it learns to close itself, to become apart, and to become defended because it seems fairly obvious that there are things to fear. There are entities and objects out there that can harm and hurt. So the spiritual life within third density may be described as either a learning how to love or a learning how to release fear, for fear is that distortion of love that posits a separation betwixt beings, thus occasioning the necessity of having some sort of response to these persons or things that will tend to increase safety and comfort.[81]

To those who feel somehow guilty for feeling this dislocation from family, Q’uo says:

These feelings of separation among those who seek to be one cannot be seen in terms of failure. It must be seen simply that it takes an enormous spiritual courage to attempt to offer a life to the Creator, especially one in the context of other entities.[82]

In my birth family situation, I was, or felt I was, more the nurturer than the nurtured. It is excellent catalyst, seen in hindsight, but it was very painful at the time not feeling supported. Even looking back on it, the memories are not precisely golden, though adulthood does bring independence and the continuing opportunity to become supportive and encouraging “parents” to ourselves. We need carefully to watch how we talk to ourselves. Let us begin our service to others with the service to our inner selves of support, self-belief and self-acceptance. What the birth family was in no position to do, we can become able to encompass within ourselves. We can become self-affirming, and that is a wonderful start, in my opinion, to affirming others.

Control Issues

Why did we choose our families? Q’uo comments:

Within this small group [the family], entities have the most steady, deep and lasting opportunities both for weal and for woe. Each is capable of becoming a portion of the so-called good of another’s experience or becoming the nemesis and the avenger that can destroy another. This family is so deeply a part of the experience of third density and so fully fertile with opportunities for service to self and to other self that we cannot overstate the opportunities for polarization that lie within the challenges and circumstances of the self dealing with groups. Community is something wanderers understand instinctively. That much almost always comes through the veil of forgetting that marks the beginning of an incarnation upon your planet in your density.[83]

The Confederation entities talk of a larger family. Perhaps they intend to include the spiritual family that we gather about ourselves in life. My own recovered ET memories are rich in “clan” living, where each child had many adults to ask questions of, and many other children to be with. I think this kind of extended family of those with similar spiritual interests is a common way of life in higher densities.

Each of you is a portion of a greater family that moves within the illusion at this time, helping those that need help, inspiring those that are weary, and lending assistance to those who walk with difficulty. You may always take comfort in knowing that the love of the one Creator resides in full in each and but requires the smallest of need or inspiration to be kindled into flame.[84]

In theory, this suggestion sounds fairly simple. The suggestion is that we flow into ways of cooperating and harmonizing with our family, in the literal and the larger senses. But whenever humans get together, there are control games going on. Some people try to change themselves to suit others:

Last evening, in a discussion, out came the words that I have spent my whole life changing myself to suit others just to be able to get along with them. But it is now time to stop that kind of changing and start being myself.[85]

Again, this sounds simple. Being ourselves, however, is anything but simple, in the sense of having a priori knowledge of the self. The Hermetic instruction to “know yourself” opens the seeker to the enormous and shadowed deeper self within, where the light for searching is always dim and strait, and the recesses of self many and profound.

Many more people respond to the need to get along with the family by attempting in various ways to control others’ behavior. The Q’uo talk about this:

The desire to control oftentimes is based upon the wish to aid others in a manner determined by the self to be helpful. However, the desire to serve in a manner predetermined by yourself is oftentimes a desire misdirected and a desire which can, if clung to overly much, cause one to miss an opportunity to serve that is more harmoniously and efficiently offered without preconditions.[86]

Looking for a good example of specific work recommended by those of Q’uo in a certain situation, I found Pupak Haghighi’s story. She was a regularly attending member of our group meetings in 1996, and had become righteously indignant over a male acquaintance’s inappropriate behavior. She had to fend off advances made by this married man who had falsely sworn he only wished to be friends. She was understandably insulted and furious! Here is some of what the Q’uo had to say to her when she asked about this experience:

Many feelings of anger are generating orange-ray blockage, as that is the ray in which you are working with yourself and one other self. That is the relationship chakra, the belly chakra, the chakra where many entities will try to control from. The person that has a lower belly tension is often reacting to another being who is attempting to control or is reacting because the self is attempting to control another. In either case, not only the red-ray but also the orange energy center is experiencing some blockage and when the anger has to do with anger at society or at the culture or at groups, this anger is also generating yellow-ray blockage. What this means is that you as an energy user are put suddenly on short, short rations so that although the energy coming to you is infinite, the energy that is making it up to the heart chakra where it can open the heart is much diminished. So once you have accepted yourself for having this dark side you have the basis for a long program of work doing what we might call coming out of a hidden place. We gave this instrument the vision of a closet. It is as though your fear, your blockage as you experience the catalyst that creates anger, contracts you into a crowded, small space, yet the skillful way to work with this anger once it has been identified, accepted and forgiven in the self is to see that there is a real concern which can only be addressed by love itself.[87]

Always, whatever the concern, the Confederation entities offer thoughts of faith, hope and truth, the everlasting ideals. What a challenge, to love a rude cad enough to see the way to forgive him and move on. May I say that in addition to the application of love, Pupak delivered herself of an awesomely fierce and elegant tirade when next the hapless gentleman attempted to speak falsely within the meditation group. For me, a person who seldom shouts, this was a delightful moment in a scary way! But to come back to the concept of controlling or not controlling other people, it is a very scary concept to let go of control. However, the Q’uo recommend just that:

The decision not to attempt power over another is made when the entity grasps that there is no need to have power over others, for all of creation expresses its power in the self. All magical work, therefore, is done upon the self. There is no need to manipulate, teach, control, move or advise other entities. The need is only to do these things within the self, disciplining the self to a more and more balanced and clear acceptance of the universal nature of selfhood, and therefore choosing lucidly and clearly to serve others, to withhold judgment of or control over others, and to practice loving the self, accepting the self and allowing the errors perceived within the self to be self-forgiven.[88]

Physical Illness

I was a sickly child, born with one eye turned in to the pineal gland or “third eye” position in the middle of the forehead so completely the doctor feared brain damage or early death, and with many other ophthalmic birth defects: slow focus, lack of night and color vision, and lack of depth perception. As a two-year-old, I contracted a case of rheumatic fever so acute that the doctors again expected me to die. When I pulled through, they gave me five years to live. My kidneys failed when I was 13, in 1956, and again when I was 15 years old. In those days, there were no alternatives for a person with glomerulo-nephritis, no transplants, no dialysis. One either lived or died. Again, I lived through the experiences, although I left this period with the rheumatoid arthritis that has continued throughout my life. The doctors were constantly telling my parents that my life span would not be long, that they should make up their minds to losing me before high school, then before college, then before I was 25, then before I was 30. I kept outliving the predictions. I am now enjoying my 58th year. I have had chronic discomfort for decades, so when wanderers write in with stories of their own struggles, I can sympathize. The Ra take a look at this aspect of the wanderer’s journey:

Due to the extreme variance between the vibratory distortions of third density and those of the more dense densities, if you will, wanderers have as a general rule some form of handicap, difficulty or feeling of alienation which is severe. The most common of these difficulties are alienation, the reaction against the planetary vibration by personality disorders, as you would call them, and body complex ailments indicating difficulty in adjustment to the planetary vibrations.[89]

We may not enjoy hearing this, but as wanderers, we need to face the fact that we are more prone to illness than many an Earth native. Laura Knight-Jadczyk puts it this way:

All my life I have suffered physically. I cannot eat, sleep, or even breathe as other people do. I have been plagued with constant allergies, ear infections, eye infections, female problems, nerve problems, and, to top it all off, I broke my neck in 1994. I have had seven major surgeries, and my pelvis was separated during childbirth so that I was unable to walk for almost a year. But, it was all lessons. And that is another story. Suffice it to say that God has indeed allowed me to know Him![90]

This suffering can show up as various diseases of a chronic nature. My own rheumatoid ailments are very common among wanderers, and a very angelic gentleman wrote this to me:

In my opinion, Fibromyalgia is a disease either caused by or affected by the energies now upon the planet, as in the increase/raising of consciousness. I believe that fibro, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Epstein-Barr Syndrome and lupus erethymatosis are intimately connected, possibly even variations on the same disease. There is even a man in Canada who calls it Spiritual Seekers Syndrome. He doesn’t claim it’s the same disease as the others but to me the symptoms are almost exactly the same as fibro. He does say that it’s growing at an epidemic rate.[91]

The rate of the growth of this cluster of diseases would naturally be rising abruptly, as many wanderers come into this Earth plane and react to its vibrations. Now, what is to be done? Is there a solution? In any earthly sense, no. That is, we may become more skillful at working with physical illnesses, but our tendency to contract them is a byproduct of our deep core nature and its mismatch of vibrations with those of this third-density Earth plane. For one thing, I think this mismatch sucks energy from our natural, second-density body, as Heikki Malaska reports:

A friend of mine who is practitioner of traditional Chinese medicine, looked me over and was surprised to say she could find barely any base energy, and thus almost next to nothing to support the immune system, which makes me very vulnerable to any external influences of diet, weather, strain and such.[92]

The immune system being compromised seems central, and perhaps there is much thought that can be taken to work on this basic energy lack. In Heikki’s case, he managed to heal one of his ailments:

I self-healed my ailments of sciatic nerve, which were at one time so severe the only way I managed to get out of bed was by crawling: while walking, I scanned the muscle/skeletal movements on the healthy side, and transferred consciousness of that to the sick side, and thus taught it how to move in a healthy manner. Has not bothered me since, and I don’t even care to debate with medical professionals any more about whether this is possible or not.[93]

It is wonderful when a wanderer is able to manifest healing. It is something I have never been able to do. Although I manage well enough, and have gotten back up on my feet after spending two years or so in a wheelchair and home-bound, the various rheumatoid diseases, arthritis, lupus and fibro, stick with me. The Confederation entities have some good advice in this regard:

Catalyst is offered to the entity. If it is not used by the mind complex, it will then filter through to the body complex and manifest as some form of physical distortion. The more efficient the use of catalyst, the less physical distortion to be found. There are, in the case of those you call wanderers, not only a congenital difficulty in dealing with the third-density vibratory patterns but also a recollection, however dim, that these distortions are not necessary or usual in the home vibration.[94]

This is a good tip. When we see that we need to deal with catalyst either by working on mental and emotional balancing or by dealing with our body acting out those distortions our balancing process has not released. We will work with the concept of energy centers and their balancing in more detail later, as I have found that this way of looking at the energies of the body, mind and spirit is very helpful to me, and I would like to share it. The basic principle is:

In the situation where there is illness and the heart cries for healing, the healing is that intangible process whereby the mind becomes aware of a more powerful field of energy than that expressed by the sickness.[95]

The higher truth will affect changes in the lesser truth. At least, that is the theory. I can think of a few bodily dramas in which I have yet to be able to manifest physical health, although I have greatly been able to aid my flagging spirits. Those of Q’uo say:

When preincarnative choice has given to you a difficulty, have faith that you are a spirit advanced enough to participate in your own destiny, that occurrences do not happen simply by chance, that the seeming poverty, the seeming limitation, the seeming difficulty, the seeming illness, is also a forthright aid in setting up a circumstance in which a lesson of love can be learned under adverse conditions. Yours is the last density with truly adverse conditions for the positive, or service-to-others oriented person. Only in this density, the density of choice, does this occur. Know then, that that which is in front of you is not more than you can work with, is not that which defeats; you would not program that for yourself. But you are stretching yourself, because you wish to change, you wish to become even more polarized in love and service to the Creator and others than you are now.[96]

Allergies are one of the most common wanderer’s illnesses. I became overwhelmed with massive allergies in 1968, as soon as I joined Don Elkins on a full time basis, which is also when my quiet chronic rheumatoid disease became acute and nearly unmanageable. My theory on the timing is that it was my decision to join Don that triggered those limitations that would keep my gaze turned more inward. In other words, this was a positive change metaphysically speaking, signaling the beginning of a pilgrimage that I am most grateful still to be on. I went to an allergist who tested me for forty-eight substances. I was allergic to them all. Wanderers are basically allergic to Earth. I hear from many such as these:

I do know one thing: I am allergic to everything on Earth: molds, pollen, chemicals, fragrance, petrochemicals; the list seems to be endless. This planet just makes me sick. Even though I love the beauty of the planet and live in a sylvan setting, Earth has never felt like home to me.[97]

***

I was diagnosed with asthma when I was five years old, and the doctor said that I probably had had it since birth. It meant that I was allergic to a lot of my environment: dust, feathers, cats, dogs, strawberries, and all kinds of things would either make me sneeze, itch, or give me a rash. Ironically, it would also keep me from being drafted to fight in Viet Nam and keep me from the possibility of killing someone.[98]

The Ra’s insight into allergy was that:

The allergy may be seen to be the rejection upon a deep level of the mind complex of the environment of the mind/body/spirit complex. Thus the allergy may be seen in its pure form as the mental/emotional distortion of the deeper self.[99]

Apart from illness and allergy, yet still part of the physical picture, is the quality of sensitivity.

I remember feeling different as a child. I thought that other people didn’t feel with the same intensity I did. I found it difficult to watch, or read, or hear, anything that was violent, or cruel, or very sad. It seemed to me that most people could witness all of these things with a kind of “oh well” attitude. Sometimes painful pictures, or words, would haunt me for months. Some of them haunt me to this day. When I was about eight years old I put a pea under my pillow. I thought my difference was that I was a lost princess. I’m sure you know the story. I woke up with a headache.[100]

***

There are times that the top of my head vibrates with such an intensity that I have a hard time navigating around. I’ve tried to handle it by getting actively distracted, keeping myself busy with things. Yet there is an inner call that I can’t explain.[101]

Each wanderer perceives the sensitivity in an unique way, but we can see the tendency throughout these tales. Here Brisis and Heikki talk about this sensitivity as they attempt to adjust themselves to others:

I’d like to say that I’m finding things a bit easier, or at least that I am coming to a better understanding of myself and my place in the universe, but this is not necessarily the case. I find myself daily blocking out all sorts of energies and oftentimes have a difficult time bringing in the energies that I want. Because I have become quite empathic, or rather my empathic abilities have become awakened, instead of trying to ground myself and trying to delineate between other people’s energies and my own, I just work to shut myself off from them, sort of shield myself.[102]

***

I could suffer from rather instant attacks of mild depression, until I learned to recognize that there might be someone in my immediate vicinity who was in fact depressed, and I just tuned into that.[103]

It is my experience that men and women alike, as they awaken, will tend to have this sensitivity. The Hatonn group speaks eloquently of this:

There is no promise of sureness to the spiritual path, only the promise of great and continuing risk of an enormous vulnerability, of a sensitivity that will be with you always as you seek to learn. We are with you on that path, vulnerable, foolish and at the same time, perfect, perfected in love and one with the Creator.[104]

Purpose

To wanderers, “purpose” is a central word. There is usually some feeling that one has come into life with a purpose, a mission of some kind. It is not usually felt as a burden, but as an honor and a duty. The search for just what that purpose is can be life-long. I see two levels of discussion here. Q’uo speaks about how life’s purposes are seen, in general, by Confederation entities:

We have often said that your third-density incarnation may be seen as a school in which the illusion’s purpose is to drive the third-density seeker from the head to the heart. Whereas intellectual thoughts have light energy, shall we say, it may be said that emotions have heart energy, and because of this the emotions contain more profound information than any wisdom which the brain can encompass and speak concerning.[105]

This fourteen inch journey from head to heart is seen as most needed, and the anguish that causes one to release intellectual and logical considerations is seen as a good thing. It recalls to me Don’s “180-Degree Rule”: If we think something is good for us, it is bad for us, and vice versa.

My friends, sorrow and sighing are deep within each entity just as laughter and glee are deep within your makeup. The purpose of incarnation is not to avoid either the tears or the laughter, either the sorrow or the joy; the goal rather circles around the respect and compassion which one may offer to each emotion felt without preferring one to the other, without denying any pure emotion. We ask you to love, accept and forgive yourselves and be brave and bold enough to open and allow the healing of the self, the healing of memories, the healing of the incarnation. Into such concerns does the light of love’s spirit move.[106]

So there is a general educational purpose to all lives, in that we all came here to learn the lessons of love, to take in what the world has to offer and to find more and more balance and skill in dealing with it.

It is this feeling of rightness and rhythm that will come to the one who is making right use of her/his gifts. We commend to your processes of thinking the inclusion of that feeling sense that lets you know when you are on the beam and when you are not. For each has the intuition and the inner knowing that one can draw on and depend on.[107]

We will revisit this general educative purpose again. Let’s look at another sense in which the word, “purpose,” has a certain ring for wanderers. Wanderers often sense that there is a spiritual purpose driving their incarnation:

It has taken twenty-five years to find a place of peace, and understand my purpose here. I have had a lot of help from the other side of the veil for which I am eternally grateful. I could not have made it without it, at least to this point, now.[108]

***

Periodically throughout my life as a young adult I would get a distinct feeling that I came here to do something really big. I would notice this feeling and think, oh, there’s that feeling again. But just what is it that I am going to be doing?[109]

***

I think that there IS a task to perform on this planet, but I don’t yet know what it is except that we must be aware and increase our light/love/knowledge and be ready for whatever is set before us in the best possible condition, psychically, mentally and physically!!!![110]

This level of awareness of a purpose is not, however, as troubling as that level of urgency that many wanderers feel about their purpose and mission:

I have had a feeling since a year ago that I need to hurry. That feeling came after I was shown “the clock.” The hands were at three to four minutes before twelve midnight. Why am I telling you this? I have kept it to myself except for telling my daughter who I live with. Well, it’s just a part of the illusion anyway.[111]

And here’s another wanderer with a clock:

What’s important is that we accomplish what we planned. Boy, do I wish I could remember what I planned. I’m concerned that I may have left something out. I hope God sees fit to reveal it to me if I have. I have had two instances happen since I saw the clock. I may have written to you about this but I don’t remember now. After the clock I awoke one morning with the words, “I have to hurry.” Then, about six weeks ago, I awoke with a voice telling me, “Time is getting short.” It could mean several things and I am not sure whether it has to do with coming events in the next few months, August, 1999, on, or if my physical time is almost up.[112]

It is my feeling that our main mission here is a very simple one, but one that is almost always missed by wanderers because of our enculturated work ethic and our assumption that the mission must be one of doing something specific. But I feel this is not the case. Rather, I feel our purpose is to be present within the Earth planes, to live our lives, breathe the air and enjoy the experiences of the school of Earth. Our main mission is a mission of essence. We came here to be ourselves, for when we do that, our vibrational frequency reflects the higher-density vibrations of our home densities or our awakened hearts, and this aids in lightening the vibrational frequency of the Earth planes. Those in the spirit worlds, the inner planes, cannot perform this task, for they are not incarnate. They do not breathe the air, nor are they mortal. We came here to offer our lives, moment by moment, for Earth and for her peoples. This is not a “big” mission in the sense that this is not a doing at all, but a being.

A common misperception of those that walk the spiritual path is that there is something specific, some vocational career, that someone is supposed to be doing. There is this urgency of feeling that it is time to serve; it is time to move on with the mission for which I came to this place, and as we have said before through this instrument, it is our feeling that that idea of a career is a chimera unless that career is seen to be a vocation of being. There is that within each of you that is perfect. Each of you is a hologram of the one great original Thought, and this is carried in an undistorted form in every cell of your physical body and all of the subtler bodies which make up your mind and body and spirit in its complexity.[113]

Mind Games

Thoughts of purpose aside for the moment, there are still many things about the wanderer’s typical mental situation that are troublesome because we have a different “take” on things than many within consensus reality:

My mind tends to work in reverse motion most of the time and I tend to walk the more difficult path.[114]

***

I have always had a different way of thinking, finding humor in many different situations and in many cases having to explain what I find funny.[115]

***

I’ve always felt different from most people around me including my family. Don’t feel better than anyone, just different. My interests always put me out on the rim, my beliefs certainly so and my lifestyle as well.[116]

This is so discouraging to live with, and I talk with people every day who are experiencing these feelings and having a hard time. Just today, Pharaoh wrote with a concern that was based on feelings of urgency about subjects that most people think are too far out. He tries so hard to connect, and yet he is blocked because his mind does work differently, and people just can’t relate. Like most wanderers, he possesses the highest ideals and hopes. But how discouraging to receive rejection again and again. These wanderers also express such feelings:

The vibration here seems so negative to me that I often pull back from the world; hide out and heal. My actions in the world often seem/feel ineffectual and foolish. Doing and learning things are painful.[117]

***

As a child I always believed that love was the greatest power there was. It was a traumatic experience for me, growing up. There was so much hate in this world. I found very often that I did not understand what was expected of me in various situations, and I spent a lot of time researching culture, etiquette and psychology. Like so many other wanderers, it took me a long time to realize that you cannot trust anyone.[118]

That is so sad! And yet I cannot say that it is untrue, for I have felt the brutality of Earth vibrations all my life too. I think wanderers see the game playing in human relations.

From a rather young age I somehow knew that I am not from around here. I just could not bring myself to identify with all sorts of games that people keep up. Yet I had no working ability to relate to most people either, because many things felt like living in a different dream, just watching their moves from behind a see-through screen.[119]

I would certainly agree that all of infinite creation can easily be characterized as a dream, or a game, a divine process of play and dance that uncovers self to self. This thought may not be much help to the wanderer staggering under rejection from the world, though. Here’s another slant on mind games:

It is so very easy to say, “I don’t care.” The truth is, other people don’t understand. They can’t, and they don’t need to. If they did, they would. You need to care. When you are able to perceive things that are beyond the “normal” range of human perception, you feel more keenly. It’s okay. If you don’t care, you don’t feel. If you don’t feel, you’ll never learn the difference between what is you and your own, and what is they and their own. You must know yourself. Most people don’t! This is not possible if you do not care.[120]

Good advice for wanderers, to care, to be vulnerable, to wear the heart on the sleeve even knowing that it will be disrespected and misunderstood. It is not easy to go on caring. Sometimes the discouragement seems total. As I suggested to Pharaoh today, my best advice is to focus on meeting the moment with an open heart, then looking for the love in that moment, then following that love. This may mean not sharing what is our personal truth, for when offered unasked, if our personal belief system is enough skewed from consensus reality, as many a wanderer’s is, the offering is often met with disinterest or even outright hostility. It may mean focusing on how we can make that other person feel more comfortable and special, and allowing that person to relate to us rather than our belief system. It is not dishonest to refrain from sharing what has not been asked. Be one who looks to plant a seed of thought, at most, and then move on, rather than offering the heart of self’s beliefs when unprompted. Refuse to stay discouraged. It may seem that we are alone and the situation is hopeless, but actually, there are a lot of people with a tremendous amount in common with us, and we will connect as time passes and destiny unfolds. Here are some encouraging words:

I really feel I am on the right track, for although I get weary, and suffer an awful lot, and speak raucously about phenomena, and swear a lot, etc., I am still mega-tenacious about holding the vibration of love.[47][121]

***

The feeling within me grew that I was headed in a direction that was inner in nature and involved a lot of other people who wanted to make significant changes in this world and that what we would do concerned love and loving each other, creating a kind of family of the heart. It felt very solid as an inner direction, and it also gave me a lot of comfort.[122]

I find this a marvelous way to look at our differences from the supposed norm. We are people doing inner work. The outer-driven world will often not understand that. But we are here to help, and we are able to be of help. And we have grand companions on the way.

Included in mental problems for wanderers is a thirst for justice. The bone-deep outrage at unfairness and cruelty in people and societies is common among awakened souls. The Q’uo comment:

The third density is not a density in which wisdom plays a great part. It is the folly of men to believe that there is wisdom in third density, and thus one may see the ideal of justice, an ethical, philosophical ideal which does not take into account either the nature of the illusion, the purpose of the illusion, or those entities which have come to self-consciousness within third-density illusion. In any real sense, there is little observable justice, for the plan which each has created before the lifetime often deliberately includes difficult, unfair and painful circumstance, and the more spiritually ambitious an entity is, the more difficult the lessons that that entity came to manifest will be.[123]

Some wanderers share their distress concerning justice:

When, in school as a young child, a teacher explained the meaning of prejudice, I was most upset, thinking how illogical and unjust a concept. I even started to compose a book in my mind about it, something to the effect that no matter what the color of our skin, be it black or white or red or golden or green, we were all of flesh and bone and blood, we all had emotions, feelings capable of being hurt.[124]

***

I get incensed when I see the injustice in the world and people’s apathy towards such acts. I have a vision of what we as a species are capable of and of the paradise that could be.[125]

Is it not easy to see that these mental stresses can sometimes storm out of hand, and that wanderers can end up in mental trouble, mentally ill, or suicidal? As 245 says:

As a wanderer, there is a space in your head where you know you are right. And it isn’t so much that you’re right. Often, you don’t even know why you think others are wrong. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, and no one needs to hear your opinion. It’s just the way it is. To doubt that space is to flirt with depression and insanity.[126]

I had several years of psychiatric therapy during and after the time of Don’s illness and death in 1984. At the time, we were both going through what I could roughly call nervous breakdowns or depressions. The difference between us was our level of trust in others and our willingness to listen to the people trying to help us. I survived. Don descended into madness and committed suicide. I know he felt this was the “right” thing for him to do. In my heartfelt opinion, suicide is never a good idea. While I can well understand the despair and sense of unbearable pressure that makes people turn to ending it all, suicide does not end anything except the present life and the opportunities for learning within this incarnation. In Illusions, Richard Bach said, more or less, that if we are alive, we still have a mission to complete and it is not time to leave. I agree. When it’s time for us to move on, the Creator will take us on to larger life. I am aware of the rationalizations for suicide for people who wish to die with dignity. And in a sense, it is not my business what people besides myself do. I would not judge a person harshly for choosing to end her life. I would feel, however, that she had made an unwise decision. I know what it is like to survive the suicide of a loved one. In my case, there ensued six tremendously painful years during which I actively wanted to die, myself, for the omissions and commissions of things said and left unsaid that contributed to Don’s despair. By 1990, I had begun to relent in my self-judgment, and in 1992, this process of death within came to a natural end as I was taken to the hospital with internal bleeding, and lost half my descending colon to the surgeon’s knife.

Once this massive difficulty was set right, I chose to enter rehabilitation therapy and work to get out of the wheelchair and back to vertical life. Broadly speaking, my agenda from 1984 until 1992 was surviving my own desperately unhappy walk in the desert of self-judgment. Do not ever think we are only hurting ourselves if we commit suicide. Everyone who survives a loved one’s suicide, even friends who were only acquaintances, will feel perfectly ghastly. To this day, I still am haunted by visions of Don’s face when he was so mentally ill. His suffering was Christ-like and terrible. However, in the fullness of time I have been healed, and now I also see him as a wonderful part of my guidance. But this does not remove the haunting images or my sorrow.

Here are several other wanderers’ comments on their mental health:

I sometimes think I have lost it and become protective of myself so as not to draw too much attention. There are people who would attempt to label me a nut because they don’t understand and probably couldn’t understand from within the ideas they claim as their truth, so I am careful.[127]

***

I was in the throes of the mental health system. I’m a “paranoid, chronic schizophrenic, manic-depressive, schizo-affective, hyper-sexual, eccentric.” I’ve been locked up twice and can say I met more awakened people within the institution than outside of it.[128]

When I was in the mental hospital in 1990, I experienced great love and fellow feeling from the fellow patients, while almost none of the professional healers even believed what I was saying. I was very grateful for the sanity of the other patients! Here is a wanderer who fared better with the mental health system:

When I was twenty-four I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for three weeks (I wanted to stay longer), a kind of existential rock bottom. March, even in the south of Norway, is still barren, nothing sprouts as yet, only last year’s dead leaves have appeared from under the vanishing snow. As I walked across the yard from one building to another my attention is caught by a movement: a single, small dry leaf is wheeling past me. The movement of that leaf, even before I could think, and I’m quick to think, that that leaf is a dead thing moved by a slight wind, had expanded into a dance of life: it was moving! And that moving expanded, reverberated deep into my being, telling me there is life, and life is alive, and I am alive, yes even after thinking that thought of dead thing in the wind I could keep that gem within to help me on.[129]

In the next chapter, we will finish this process of looking at how we are different from the norm, as we look at the emotional problems and pitfalls of the wanderer’s path. I hope as we find people like ourselves in these first three chapters, we will begin to realize on a deep, core level, that we are truly not alone on this Earth, but that we are one of a great number of spirits who have come to this Earth and this incarnation for reasons similar to our own, and that these are wonderful companions that we will connect with as our own stories unfold.

Chapter Three: Agenbite Of Inwit: Persistence Of Pain

A word on this chapter title: it is a phrase taken from James Joyce’s writing, meaning roughly the looking again into the pain of the self as perceived by the self. There is an iterative and increasingly powerful effect of this inner watching that can sap already vulnerable energies and deepen already substantial self-doubt. This inner watch is, I think, very typical of wanderers.

Self-Doubt

We are looking, in this chapter, more deeply into the purely emotional and often largely subconscious energies of our beings. There are layers to the basic experience of being a wanderer. There are rejections that push at us more deeply than those of childhood or family: the bad opinion of our own selves. There is the murky, yet powerfully fertile, subconscious emotive flow, the deeper, the darker, that surfaces in the emotional life. At this level, it’s really all about us. We are the main players on this stage of being our own characters in the personal myths we create of our lives. This is the area where pride comes fully into bloom, as the antithesis of and last defense before, humility and the truth of the self. This is also the locus of self-doubt and insecurity, the deep sinkhole that remains unhealed while we get our surface behavior shaped up to fit within the cultural preferences we choose to honor.

Self-doubt can be a crippling thing. Wanderers are easy prey for the emotional binds of self-doubt and insecurity, since much of the response we get from more normal people is sometimes unkind or hostile. People with feelings of insecurity can express this by straightforwardly expressing fears about the self, or, alternately, by becoming seemingly sure of the self and being overbearing. In either case, the neurosis involved is insecurity about the worth of the self. Certainly, it can be said that this is not only true for wanderers, but for all sorts of people. However, the sensitivity of the wanderer is such that all problems seem to hit harder and do more damage. Because this level of emotional pain is not immediately obvious from surface behavior, it can go very wrong and very deeply so, and result in challenges such as psychic greeting. The “normal” people of this world, being generally untroubled by a metaphysically oriented point of view, simply are not experiencing the pain of self-doubt with the same timbre and resonance. Here are some wanderers with self-doubt on their minds:

Why is there such a battle going on within my own self? How come I can say the right things to others and yet stay in such a state of confusion for myself?[130]

***

One of the hardest and most unpleasant things that I have been doing in this last year is getting to remember who I really am. This is at times most unpleasant and very much hard work. My husband was afraid, my children were afraid, even our dog. I saw why, too. To learn to trust yourself, your soul, is a very large step when you have been raised your whole life to try and swallow this concept, to trust and believe in anyone and everyone but yourself.[131]

Wanderers often feel very much at risk and vulnerable in the outer world:

I mentally tell myself, I’m safe, I’m OK, but my emotional self is screaming, “No you’re not, no you’re not.” It only proves what I’ve been saying the past few years: logic and knowledge are not enough. The heart is what gives things substance. If you rely on logic and knowledge only, you get a shell and nothing more. The only way I can see a way out of this is to work from my heart to get the substance back and prove to my emotional body, “Look, you’re safe, really.”[132]

It is easy to feel like a failure in a world where the inner beauty and love of truth that we possess are scorned:

I think something in the recipe of this life is lacking, or is overdosed, I don’t know. I feel my life to have become too salty with tears of sorrow. Oh, how I wished to create love and peace. Where is the peace I so sincerely wanted for life?[133]

It is easy to feel that one cannot be of service, since one is so muddled sometimes:

I guess the idea of me being there to help others is a bit silly to me. If you could only see inside my head for a day! I get so confused, scared, angry, and all the others. This idea of me serving others sounds so foolish. You know, like the blind leading the blind! It even scares me. To be open to others means that one is vulnerable to them. That scares me. And also there is the fear of making a mistake. Yet with all that going on, all a person has to say is, “I need to talk,” and all that fear is gone. I am so willing to just go ahead and jump in if I am needed. There is this part of me that will not let me sit by and watch another suffer like that. It is only afterwards that all this begins to arise.[134]

And self-doubt can manifest as a fear of one’s deeper self:

I believe that I have a fear of my own power. In most things I only go so far and it’s not conscious. I am becoming more aware of it and I feel this surge of energy rising and I eat to stop myself from feeling it or assisting it. I’ve allowed myself to fall into a pattern where I would gladly do anything for anyone else but face my own personal power.[135]

The Confederation sources address questions frequently from members of our group concerning this emotional sensitivity and self-doubt, and how to deal with it:

It is appropriate that each seeker feel a certain amount of doubt as it approaches a new experience upon the spiritual path. For this kind of doubt or questioning is that which prepares the seeker in an inner sense to take the step from the cliff not knowing whether the foot that steps shall rest upon firm fundament or not. Thus, if there is interest upon your heart and doubt in your ability, we recommend that you rely upon that desire which you feel and that you put aside for the moment the doubt in order that your journey may continue along that path which is designated by the passion and desire within you.[136]

***

The positive path is full of shadows, of questions and doubts, of continual learning and balance. The choice for positivity is not the choice for simplicity of early lessons.[137]

Heaven forbid we should have things simple and easy! Usually that’s not the wanderer’s path description:

There will be suffering and confusion throughout this illusion, for it is by such testing that these basic principles are forged in the fire of experience within each entity’s heart. Be gentle with yourself, not expecting too much, yet placing before yourself the goal each day of renewing faith in the fact there are truly no mistakes within this illusion. There are great puzzles and riddles and experiences of confusion and doubt which each seeker of truth will find placed upon the path and with which each seeker must grapple.[138]

There is one thing that wanderers with low self-worth, like myself, have going for them, and that is, at least apparently, the attitude of humility. I have long considered four qualities the most central to doing work in consciousness: humility, patience, persistence and humor. Humility is a tremendously saving and sustaining quality of character and I can only encourage wanderers to cultivate it assiduously. I have for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, it is the most difficult of all gifts for me to receive, for pride is my most stubborn fault. I work with it day after day, year after year, and just when I feel I might be making a little progress, I notice I am proud of that. The Confederation speaks about humility:

It is very important that there be negativity and difficult experiences, that one may learn the humility of one who allows, observes and then acts, rather than reacts. To take the life into one’s own hands is not to take control of what one wishes by affirmations and prayers unceasing. It is, rather, to realize that the plan has already been made, the pattern has been set. It is the best pattern you and your higher self could create for you, and all that you need do this time is allow yourself to be upon the path upon which you are, keeping your eyes open, watching your feelings, finding ways to manifest love, the smile upon the street, the kind word to a stranger.[139]

Humility need not indicate low self-worth, but rather a restful and peaceable nature alert to the love in the moment.

Pride And Surrender

131 is an ebullient and gifted artist, and when in the flow of her creative work, she experiences many energies, some of which feel highly spiritual. She writes to me:

I am trying to understand the difference between the Creator’s will and my own will. Sometimes I think there is no difference at all, that in fact whatever is my will is also the Creator’s. But realistically, I don’t think this is true, at least not all the time. What do you think about this? Is there a line to be drawn in our perceptions of these things, and also in the reality of this? What is a good way to think about these things? I think the question is very tied in with the concept of humility, but I really don’t know how to address it in an intelligent manner.[140]

Notice that there is no pride in her question at all. She is simply having experiences, and thinking about and weighing them. When one is in the flow, it feels as though our will is one with the Creator’s. I have moments, hours, sometimes days in somewhat altered states of joy and light. These are experiences. They happen. I cannot predict them, except to say that adversity seems to encourage them. How to evaluate them? Similarly with the whole issue of wanderers’ differences from more worldly and unawakened people, it is not that we are more intelligent, or better, or wiser even, but that we feel not only different, but glad of it. It is very easy to be prideful, to feel “better than.” It is the attitude encompassed so admirably by Oscar Wilde when he said, more or less, that all of us were lying drunk in the gutter, but some of us were looking at the stars. Q’uo says:

As long as you think that you have a self that you need to defend you shall be working with spiritual pride, and so entities for the most part are working with this no matter how persistently and purely and devotionally they have sought year after year, yet still there is the sense of “I” am searching. “I” am looking. “I” am seeking to become the best that “I” can.[141]

Sometimes we can hold pride before us like a shield:

To gaze at the pride within an entity is to gaze upon that portion of the self that has been created by the self for the purpose of self-defense. That is, one who has pride has attempted to discover a good, right or noble way to think or behave or speak. Then one adopts the mask that is most efficient, most in line with the desired making of an impression on others. It is as though a man with a modest garden were to put a wall twenty feet high about the garden, certainly more than the garden needs in order to be a protected plot.[142]

This wall, however we may see it in ourselves, is of our making. The question is, how can we become courageous enough to let down the wall:

The final goal of all of these true spiritual paths is humility and a willingness to surrender that clay, the pride, the arrogance, the unworthiness and fear, to surrender all these emotions utterly to the power and peace of knowing that you are love.[143]

Elitism

It has happened so often. I find myself thinking, to myself, that I am glad I am awake spiritually, and not asleep on the surface of the world, floating towards the drain with no depth of insight into metaphysical thought. I catch myself and go through the process of giving that self-congratulatory pride up, releasing myself from the self-judgment that ensues, and starting anew, again. And again, and again. We as wanderers are in the position of the refined city chap who gets out on the farm and has to walk through tall, buggy grass strewn with cowpies. In the emotional nature we bring with us, or discover when we awaken spiritually, we are too sensitive for the swirling, busy inanity of Earth, at least as seen from our jaundiced perspectives. Don used to say that we on Earth were all living in an insane asylum, and he was just glad to have a private room. He really felt Earth thinking was crazy. Sometimes it is hard not to agree with him. But those of Latwii say:

The principle of negativity is that principle which intensifies the illusion of separation which is implicit within all creation. The illusion of separation is then used by those who have gained a knowledge of the negative polarity to dominate those who are not what is called elite, shall we say. Whatever characteristics are determined and determine the elite, then, are those characteristics which are used to separate the elite from the non-elite. Therefore, you may see the distortion towards negativity within many, many portions of your environment, and, indeed, within the self, for are not all entities one, and do you not contain all things?[144]

Some wanderers express denial that they are better than anyone else:

I hate when people see me as being more wise than them, or see me as a teacher. I think the teacher/student is within us all, and I learn as much from anyone I come in contact with. I’m not into power plays or superiority complexes. I do have a knack of angering some people because I have a tendency to say all this meta-stuff is easy and anyone can learn it.[145]

Notice here that even in denying elitism, there is the play of pride. Wanderers are often mega-smart, but as I have said, high intelligence is not the same as wisdom. It just gives us a good game computer/intellect to play with, perhaps not realizing that it is playing us instead. The brothers and sisters of Q’uo say:

We do not see ourselves as being wiser than those within third density but merely in a somewhat different illusion, and, therefore, in somewhat different circumstances. Yet we, as you, seek to know and yet do not know. We simply have come to hold fairly settled opinions, and, as is the way of things spiritual, our truths move constantly into the unknown, as do your own. Thusly, there is always the contradiction, the tangle, the knot of attempting to understand that which can only be embodied.[146]

Other wanderers have squared off with pride and are working towards humility:

I realize that I have to work on humility. It is not easy to want to live a good spiritual life, and have a good worldly report card.[147]

***

I have to watch out for the nasty ego! I have to laugh at myself some times.[148]

We are all bozos on this bus! This is important! We need to keep this etched upon our memories. As those of Latwii say:

Generally speaking, those entities known as wanderers enter the density no better equipped, for the most part, than those who (are) originally of that density, in that the wanderer, in experiencing the forgetting, is not allowed to draw upon the full resource of experiences. They are, in essence, playing the odds, so to speak, that their natural tendency toward positive polarization will exert itself, and they will be successful in both contributing to the welfare of those about them and the attainment of sufficient polarization, upon their physical death, to be presented the option of returning to their original density or progressing to another act of service.[149]

We may have come from a wonderfully “other” locus in time and space. If we are Earth natives who have awakened, we may resonate to the metaphysical energies of such “other” places, no longer identifying with Earth thinking. We may have gifts to offer those of Earth, and Earth itself, by the nature of our core being, but as surface personalities and as souls in flesh, we are precisely equal with all other third-density human beings, in that we all will have to come through the same tests in order to graduate from the Earth school. It can be easy to think we are “condescending” to offer Earth our service. In actuality, I feel that we worked hard to obtain an incarnation here, and were thrilled to be accepted, for in serving those of Earth, we have earned the chance which no one has in higher densities, to live a third-density incarnation by faith alone and thusly to work on our polarity and purity of desire. When we think we are here to offer our bounty to the lowly natives, we start getting into unfortunate frames of mind like these:

I was becoming more and more disconnected from my essence. I was becoming cynical, angry, pessimistic, and more service-to-self orientated. I started to believe that people needed to be controlled for their own good.[150]

The world likes to focus on controlling other people. Spiritual seekers and wanderers of all descriptions, on the other hand, do well to have in common that uncommon frame of mind that focuses on the echoes and shadows of concept complexes of our own deep selves, rather than the gleaming surface concerns of our well-packaged world. In working in consciousness, our goals involve work only on ourselves, and include removing fear from our reasons for doing things, and replacing fear with honest love. I agree that it is well not to talk freely about the life of the spirit that so fascinates us, if the other person with whom we are conversing has not brought up this topic. But I encourage serious and thoughtful contemplation of our own personality shell or ego and its concerns. The balancing of the energies of the self depends on this kind of subtle work, moving into true concepts to remove untrue nuances. If we are all tempted to feel pride and elitism, then it is not surprising that spiritual groups would also be tempted thusly. Latwii says:

Many consciousness groups inadvertently foster an elitism based upon a truth which is seen but not comprehended logically, and that is that each person who believes in the ideals of love and service is chosen, is special, is anointed or passed by special vows, and that this specialness is a metaphysical and enduring specialness enduring far beyond what you think of on the surface as life. You may see those who have almost no consciousness at all apparently, and those whose consciousness, though competent, does not admit metaphysics. Yet these are not those who are lost forever; these are those who are learning a different lesson, taking a different road, going more slowly. There is time enough for all of consciousness which has been created fully to tap the birthright of that consciousness. There is no elite, my friends. There is in truth only in relative time, as you know it, the so-called remnant. There are no permanent wailers and gnashers of teeth, as this instrument would put it. All shall be made one. For some it will take more cycles of experience than others. Those who speed up their experience, speed up both the pain and the joy of that experience, for in using catalyst completely, those side effects will occur. We wish you the fullness and richness of that joy and the understanding of pain which it contains.[151]

In our personal work and in our work with groups, let us endeavor to seek the heart of our truth and worth, but never the hollow shell of elitism. Those of Q’uo end this section with these eloquent words of good advice:

We would encourage each not to feel better than the entity who is not aware of spiritual evolution. Insofar as you have become aware of the process of evolution, of the kind of thing spiritual evolution is, yet still you are equipped with the full array of challenges, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and all of these threads of being have their own best luster and strength. So much of the tapestry of life is created from difficulties, the dark side of things, that we cannot overemphasize the value of these lower energies and working upon them as though they were as exciting to work with as the higher centers.[152]

Psychic Greeting

When wanderers become aware of their mission and seek to do “light work” on behalf of the planet, if they are well enough in tune with the light to begin with, they begin to be a channel for a good deal of light going into the Earth planes, and they thusly attract the attention of “the loyal opposition,” as I often call those discarnate entities whose path is that of service to self. Such entities are drawn to the flow of light which the light worker is offering through its instrument, and wish to trap that light for themselves. If the light workers are proud of what they are doing, or if there is any distortion of truth anywhere in their offering of self as channel, the chance of attracting psychic “attack” grows. People standing close to the light in their work in consciousness may always expect occasional psychic greetings, for we are all human and prone to error. The hope of avoiding error and living a “perfect” life is footless. One can hone one’s desire, one can surrender to one’s guidance; but one cannot avoid confusion. So, when psychic attack or greeting occurs, we need not feel like we have somehow failed. Just deal with the greeting. The ordinary fellow is not likely to attract such greeting. As the Q’uo say:

We suggest that there can be no psychic greeting component without your free will choice in an area which lies within your course of study, shall we say. There may be no obstacles placed in your path by those who are of the loyal opposition, as we have described it, but those entities may magnify those experiences which you utilize, though we must at this time suggest that this phenomenon is far more unusual than most entities would imagine, for most of the entities within your illusion find themselves moving between the choice of service to others and service to self, and have not moved far enough in either direction to attract the attention of those who would choose to manipulate that movement.[153]

Our group at L/L Research went through psychic greetings aplenty during the work with those of Ra, and ever since then we have been somewhat prone to them, as we do constantly work as a “lighthouse,” offering worship on a daily basis and framing our common life and all its details as sacred. Through the years, many people around the world have come to visit, and many more to depend upon L/L’s being there. In the inner sense, we constitute a fairly large spiritual community. So of course, we continue to attract some attention from the loyal opposition. Jim McCarty wrote in The Law Of One, Book V that:

One’s choices can be used in either the positive or the negative sense, even when there is the seeming interference of negative entities in the manner of what many light workers call psychic attack and what we came to call psychic greetings. We chose the term greeting to emphasize that there does not have to be a negative experience on the part of the one who is greeted and that the experience that the one who is greeted actually has is in direct proportion to how that entity looks at the situation. If one wishes to see such a greeting as a difficult attack, then that becomes the experience. One can, however, also choose to see the Creator in all entities and events and can praise and seek the light within any situation and then that will become the experience.[154]

Here, he talks of our experiences during the contact with those of Ra:

Most people would probably not have described the feeling of not quite being whole and in harmony which our group experienced during the fall of 1982 as true disharmony. Yet as one moves further along the path of seeking light and begins to stand closer to it, as we were privileged to do in the Ra contact, even the smallest of lapses of harmony, when left unresolved, can become targets of opportunity for those such as our friend of negative polarity to intensify. These psychic greetings can become great opportunities to heal those lapses of harmony and to move even further and faster upon the evolutionary journey because what such a negative entity is actually doing when it intensifies one’s disharmonious choices is pointing out to you weak points which you might have missed in your own conscious seeking. But one must take quick and thorough action in order to unravel these distortions in one’s beingness or further confusion and difficulty may ensue, again due to, first, your original free will choice, second, the intensification of that choice by the negative entity, and third, by lack of attention on your part in finally resolving the distortion and balancing it. Fortunately, most people do not have to deal with the magical abilities of a fifth-density entity but with the lesser abilities of the fourth-density minions who are usually quite effective on their own.[155]

When I began working on this handbook, I generated enough effort, eventually, to attract greetings. Two of them, one right after the other, manifested in my belly, and I realized that there were issues connected with personal control in the writing of the book to untangle. The pain was coming from the orange and yellow ray chakras, the belly and the solar plexus. I examined the book for issues between myself and others, and myself and groups and found that I was being somewhat lax about obtaining formal permission in a timely manner from each source whose words I wanted to share in this book. That was the orange-ray concern, the concern between me and individuals. But what was the group I was attempting to deal with? I realized I was, myself, thinking of myself as a group, as L/L Research, as if I were wise and knew all things. Or, rather, as if L/L Research’s archive of channeled material did. OOPS! I faced my pride yet again, and confirmed that I could of myself do nothing except play with words. I do love these channeled messages we have gathered in our group, but I needed fully to see that there was nothing brand new here for me to offer; little or nothing that the reader, failing to find it here, could not find elsewhere. Taking in this home truth, I found that the difficulty gradually subsided.

Meanwhile, as I steep myself in the brimming beauties and blessings of Jim’s stonework and gardens, I see that always psychic greeting turns into the opportunity to cooperate once more with destiny. I have genuinely found reason for praise and thanksgiving as I work with psychic greetings. This is the key. Psychic greeting may bring mental, emotional or physical pain. It also comes with blessings in its hands.

I do not mean to say that psychic greeting is not sometimes alarming. It certainly is. There can be immense pain and staggering amounts of suffering in a greeting, and it can take many forms. I do mean to say that it is nothing to fear. Sometimes, the new age thinking can deny psychic greeting altogether, saying that there is no negativity. Yvonne talks about this:

I know that the subject of psychic attack or as you call it, psychic greeting, is something that many, even enlightened people, shun away from. At least this is true in my country, Sweden. Fear has gotten its claws into this country and since there is also a spiritual drought among the people, the so-called new age movement is thriving. The problem with the new age movement of this country, apart from a lot of false prophets, is that as it teaches about love and light it won’t touch the dark side; in fact, I’ve met a lot of new age people who seriously think that the dark and evil doesn’t exist; it’s only in your head and if it’s in your head, who are you? As you know, there are many levels to this, many different ways of looking at it. In one way, yes, you can say that evil doesn’t exist, because if you raise yourself above the astral plane you don’t have to bother with fear and evil, but how many of us down here on Earth have actually gotten to that point?[156]

Not I, at any rate. The view of the loyal opposition needs to be balanced, to see that service-to-self entities are of a certain kind, and service-to-others entities make certain choices, and these choices have rhyme and reason. Service to self tries to control and manipulate. Service to others releases, surrenders, allows and cooperates. Where we see psychic greeting, then, ask ourselves not to contract into fear, but instead to deal with the greeting, with the mind that analyzes, with the intuition that makes hidden connections, with the spirit that goes about this prayerfully and with an eye to holy things. All these seeming attackers are portions of ourselves. In a profound and helpful sense we may model psychic greeting as an attack on the self by a portion of the self. That portion is part of our dark side or shadow, to use a Jungian term, and it needs to be loved, accepted and reintegrated into the daylight self to create the universal and whole self. Some wanderers share their experiences:

I have had negative entities attack me. I’m cut off from the Creator. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to keep trying to convince myself that it’s OK and safe to love the world, but it’s just not going to happen overnight. It’s going to take time. But in the meantime, there really is no safe place.[157]

***

I was sitting there as usual, taking notes, listening to the drone of the professor, when suddenly out of the blue or black, this huge cylinder came down over me. When this thing came over me, the noise and talk of the professor became muffled, like something had placed a vacuum over me. Well, I looked around to see if anyone else could see this tube or vacuum cylinder over me, and no one else was doing anything different et cetera. I felt, then, the same way you do when you are going to pass out, almost. I guess the air might have been changed around me too. Then I started the prayer, and sending out of the light and energy. This did the trick. It broke the cylinder or whatever it was, and things returned to normal. The negative forces or dark mass consciousness around our Earth does exist, and will do whatever it or they can to stop light work if it or they can.[158]

Psychic greeting can take place within dreams as well as during conscious awareness. The typical time for such nightmarish dreams is the deep of night, at three or four in the morning. Initiation can bring about the same situation, of awakening in the night feeling attacked and hag-ridden. Most of the time, such nocturnal experiences are signs of initiation, not psychic greeting. When this occurs in our experience, we can deal with it the same way, whether it is psychic greeting or part of an initiatory experience. Prayers and affirmations of thankfulness and praise for all blessings received calm and center the mind. For more detailed information on how to deal with psychic greetings, I recommend Dion Fortune’s book, Psychic Self Defense, usually available in paperback in bookstores. Here is a psychic greeting dream that Mary reports:

The most frightening dream I ever had and the most difficult to think and write about even now, concerns the most powerful battle I have ever had and never want to have again. In the dream I was riding my bicycle, having been to a house on the northwest side of town, and was headed home. I was aware of a couple of men on bicycles who seemed to be following me. One was of average intelligence and the other seemed to have something wrong with him mentally. I stopped at a store and when I came out my bicycle was gone. I began to walk and came to a combination laundromat and eating place. I went inside and got something to eat. When I came out the bicycle was there so I got on and started for home again. The men had disappeared. Suddenly I could feel myself changing. Then a rather mean voice began saying something about going somewhere else. It dawned on me that this voice was inside me. I asked who this voice was, rather low because I didn’t want other people standing close by to hear me seemingly talking to myself. The voice kept jabbering about going somewhere else. I knew I had to get rid of it and told it to get out of me. It refused. As I was arguing with it, I found myself at the Third Street and Eighth Avenue stoplight. The bicycle had disappeared again and I was now yelling at the voice to get out of me. Finally, it began to get weaker and started to leave. The light turned green, the cars stopped and as I began to cross the street, I found myself in a heap on the pavement. A woman came running to help me. The voice was mercifully gone. I feel I was given a spiritual choice to make in this dream. Had I made a different choice, I probably wouldn’t be here writing this now.[159]

Notice the depth of emotions as Mary attempted to convey the horror of the dream. Often these experiences are very subjective. They don’t necessarily sound scary as one talks about them rationally. It is the depth of terror and other dark emotions that mark such dreams. In any event, the key to dealing with psychic greeting is focusing upon the unity of the self with all that there is, including the entity who is attempting to “attack,” and moving into love and compassion. Q’uo says:

When one is attacked it is natural to defend, and yet in the sense of psychic greeting the defense creates the prolongation of attack.[160]

This advice, I believe, is meant in the same wise as Jesus’ admonition to “resist not evil.”

It is important for the entity upon the path of service to others to attempt to see the Creator within all beings at all times, to give praise and thanksgiving for the light of the Creator that exists in all, to seek and know that Creator in each, to offer within the meditative state, the heartfelt love for all who send greetings or attacks, and to surround the self, then, in that love and light of the infinite Creator.[161]

A word about initiation: like many terms related to the inner life and spiritual seeking, initiation is a fuzzy word. I am willing to leave the fuzz on it, rather than attempting to define more accurately those times of testing and trial that we receive as gifts from the spirit. Initiation occurs at a point when much has been learned. The catalyst has been taken and the responses have been those which attempt to polarize, to make some progress as a seeker of truth who knows herself. The learning wants to spiral ahead, and we feel ready. At that crux, there will often be a time of real inner challenge, complete with scary nightmares, odd visions, interrupted sleep and general spiritual malaise. I believe these are times when the spiritual part of self needs to be sure the previous learning has been well seated. Consequently, the way to proceed is to deal with the experiences straightforwardly and continue to live the life we believe in. Quietness of nature and a faith-filled heart will serve.

Despair

Alienation can become despair when time cycles long enough, bringing nothing but seeming pain:

I looked at me

Looking at me

In a faded, antique mirror

Glanced accidentally to the left

Saw myself out of the side of my eyes

An old, red-haired lady

Looking lethargically down the next row

Of things and stuff

In the gray Seattle afternoon

Not hopeful, not quite bored

Just dead inside

That place where the dreams used to live.[162]

Those of Q’uo attempt to speak to this despair:

May each wanderer find comfort in the knowledge that it cannot help contributing positively to the planetary vibration. Even with what seems to be gross mismanagement of time and energy, yet still in that very basic alienated mindset there dwells that vibration which is fuller with light. This very alienation is simply a surface symptom of a deep and spiritual gift. Comfort yourself when the heart is heavy and the feelings bruised with the knowledge that you are being of service. You are doing that which you came to do. You may find ways to do it better, but you are not failing no matter what it seems like.[163]

001, a gentleman of exceedingly keen sensitivity with a long history of being on the outside looking in, despite impressive professional achievements, tries to express how he changes despair to loving sacrifice:

I think that we are all more or less aware of the sacrificial aspects of our lives, and desire to make both the offering and the recipient accord with our highest ideals.[164]

Taking all thoughts of elitism out, one can well frame the path of the wanderer as a sacrificial one. For we wanderers are here, once we awaken, to offer up the remainder of our entire incarnation. We are learning much as we move through it, and hopefully we are gaining polarity as we live a life in faith, but the entire beau geste of living on Earth is an offering of self. However, many wanderers have been so beaten by these Earth vibrations that they take an aloof point of view to assuage the pain of being here:

I was always striving to find some kind of homeostasis, acceptance, or peace of mind from the incessant restlessness but never really found it for any sustained period, the spells of cosmic consciousness in 1943 and 1967 being the obvious exception. These periods lasted for weeks. They were characterized be feelings of expansiveness, joy, of identification with the universe, a pervading oneness and unity that I have been struggling to regain ever since, but without much success.[165]

***

I am, at this point in time/space, a somewhat lonely and “lost” individual, although in the past I have had other experiences. I do not feel alien from this planet; in fact, I feel deeply for the beauty of this Earth, and have an abiding love for all of the creatures of nature, yet I feel removed from the people of this Earth.[166]

Those of Q’uo say:

These [wanderers] have within them the distant and dimly lit memory of their origin as being from elsewhere, and in many cases this feeling is in the form of what you may call a kind of homesickness or alienation from the planetary influences and vibrations that are of a more disharmonious nature within this third-density influence. However, each entity in the heart of its being is aware that, though there is a home that may be located elsewhere, the true home of all seekers of light and servants of the one Creator is within that service and within that light that comes from only one source, the one Creator, and each may take solace in knowing that the Creator resides within each entity and shines the light of love and service to all equally.[167]

Inside The Bell Jar

The wanderer’s isolation is not exactly that of a person stranded in the desert. It is more as though we were inside a bell jar normal people do not even see, which effectively muffles communication and sometimes shuts it out entirely. At least that is the feeling we get:

Finding out that you’re some alien soul from another planet doesn’t make things any better than before, really. Sure, it puts certain things to rest because they’ve been resolved. But it causes more problems than it seems to be worth. I know that when I found that I fit in perfectly with the signs that distinguish a wanderer, I felt more left out and isolated than ever for a long while. I had a lot of sad nights when I’d cry myself to sleep with the thought that I didn’t belong anywhere. But it’ll be the death of you if you keep putting yourself down. Being a wanderer means that you have to hope and trust yourself.[168]

Those of Q’uo talk about this isolation:

What is this knotting that indicates that the shuttle of spirit is not in good working order? The simplest term is fear. The spiritually ill entity has moved into an isolation, a place alone within which the entity is unforgiven, and unnurtured. This isolation is crushing and, once entered, is very difficult to see, much less to work with.[169]

Fear feeds upon itself in untended isolation, as Bleu says:

What I find is that my thoughts have a tendency to run wild in periods of extended loneliness, but to quiet them down, I repeat the serenity prayer, especially if they start going negative. And, if you really look around, you aren’t lonely. There are people everywhere, and you can find the ones you can relate to. I have also been known to, in periods of sadness, climb a tree, and talk to it. Most times, the tree will really listen, and nature feeds off your negative energy anyway, so in a sense to do so when you’re not feeling so hot is a gift from you to nature, and nature will give back, if you allow yourself to feel it.[170]

I love Bleu’s attitude, and am a tree person myself, with a long history of perceiving trees as intelligent and loving beings, the “ents” of Tolkien’s Lord Of The Rings. When I was a toddler I used to run around the yard hugging and talking to trees, so the family legend has it. Those of Q’uo talk about this feeling of isolation:

Each entity walks alone, and this feeling of isolation is a tremendous source of suffering among your peoples. And yet when an entity stops looking for his feet and simply moves ahead, step by step, an unusual and unpredicted thing occurs, and that is that the steps of one who has stopped trying to see connections are more assured and livelier than those who are pressing with urgency against that envelope of blindness that surrounds the metaphysical self.[171]

Those as yet unawakened will be using their “catalyst,” their incoming sensations, as the outer world values and prioritizes things; the wanderer is using the same experiences but from a metaphysical agenda. Those of Hatonn put it another way:

It might be said that each individual lives within a vacuum, that each isolates himself or herself from the other selves that surround him, and in fear and misunderstanding of the isolation that has been created, each, as in a vacuum, contracts into himself, as if unable to contact the energy with which to expand outward and establish a reunion with those among whom one lives. My friends, we are aware of the exhaustion that is characteristic of those who strive to overcome this spiritual vacuum. It is a great struggle to constantly extend oneself, holding oneself open and extended, so to speak, in one’s attempt to establish and maintain contact with those other selves that compose the single unit that your race has the potential of becoming.[172]

Some wanderers actually prefer the solitude:

Throughout my life, accompanying the strong feeling of alienation was a powerful inner need to seek solitude. I have spent much of my life alone. I was the kid who sat at back, daydreaming, reading, not participating, hiding, dreading to be called upon for anything. Even during the years of family life I spent much of the time alone, working on postgraduate papers, jogging alone, walking endless miles. So, for me, two dominating themes appear to have been working in me despite the outward activities and interests: a deep-seated feeling of alienation and a need for solitude, a need to connect with the universe outside human habitation.[173]

Despite this oddly comforting thought, many wanderers feel very alone, very often. However, some wanderers write of realizing that they truly are no longer alone:

You may begin to feel isolated and alone because you have no one with whom to communicate with on the level of your new reality. For this reason, I encourage you to find a like-minded forum, group or individual with which you can associate and communicate to avoid this unnecessary, and uncomfortable, situation. If you have access to the internet, finding such a group is fairly easy. If not, finding a group or individual and communicating on a regular basis can be more difficult, but is necessary in my opinion.[174]

***

Networking and connecting with others is very important. In meeting you, I finally feel as though I’m not alone, being surrounded in day-to-day life by those who just wouldn’t understand any of this. I am very fortunate for the internet and e-mail connections. There are many that are not so fortunate to be hooked into the net. I know how I’ve felt all these years. It would of been most wonderful to pick up a newsletter or something and realized that years ago![175]

There is a tremendous desire on the part of many wanderers to meet others of like mind. I talk with them every day. These days, meeting others of like mind is easier to do because of the resources on the internet. I have promised the sources quoted in this handbook that if I receive mail for them from readers responding to their words, I will make sure they receive it. It is, of course, for them to decide whether to answer. If you wish to write someone quoted herein, please send the letter to me. My e-mail address is carla@llresearch.org. Our postal address is L/L Research, Box 5195, Louisville, Kentucky, 40255-0195. I have seen good friendships start on the internet, and certainly have met hundreds of fascinating people that way through the years. If you are lonely and feeling blue, by all means, start with a web site such as ours (www.llresearch.org), and follow the links. You will find interesting and varied company!

Spiritual Exhaustion

The end item of this laundry list of wanderers’ woes is exhaustion of spirit. This occurs when the wanderer comes to the end of his energies. Usually, the physical energy is the first to go, if it ever was there at all. The vital energy can endure for a long time on short rations, but it, too, can give out. Then the wanderer is really weary beyond any description of tiredness. Those of Q’uo say:

When the kind of weariness that a seeker feels is spiritual in nature, it often signifies a time in which the experience of incarnative life will seem very difficult. Small matters seem to take on a larger aspect, and therefore any small change or unexpected occurrence triggers catalyst far in excess of what the seeker would usually expect of itself. It is a condition of vulnerability because weariness sensitizes the perceptive web, which alters the level of information given to the physical mind and to the consciousness within. Small efforts seem to become major. The mind turns from tasks that normally are accomplished easily, for it sees these tasks with the jaundiced eye and the discontented heart of the weary seeker. The sense of self is disturbed and the level of comfort of mind drops.[176]

Uncomfortable wanderers agree:

I have the feeling like I am walking around with a big hole in my body. I am fighting a lot with sadness, exhaustion, panic and anger.[177]

***

I want to know how to cope with being a candle flame, up against the light of so many stars, yet remaining intact and being myself?[178]

***

I have this strange depletion which is not like ordinary fatigue, it feels like its a kind of vital energy that’s leaked out.[179]

Those of Q’uo offer:

It is well to do nothing until some insight into the fears and other emotions concerning this choice have become part of self-knowledge that can be first gazed carefully at and then surrendered. As long as any portion of the seeker is withheld from the inner surrender, there will be that proportion of things occurring with extra bumps and fits and starts. Thusly, if one were able, it could be said that the best way to make decisions is to wait and continue doing that which you are doing, while opening the self regularly and repeatedly in simple offering of thanks and praise and the desire to be sent forth, to allow light to shine through you. As you ask for this light to shine through, you begin to have the feeling that any road is good as long as this light is shining through you, as there is no exhaustion of spirit as long as the heart lies open, and the incoming undistorted light is then able to move through the transparent personality and out into the waiting and thirsty world. You yourself are thirsty for the light, yet that thirst in itself is a beginning of the deepest service.[180]

Remembering who we are and why we are here helps also. Those of Q’uo say:

This is where your power lies, in the momentary decision to seek the love in the moment. As those known as Ra have said, “Where is the love in this moment?” is a helpful question at any juncture, but especially when the spirit is weary or overwrought.[181]

And Pupak agrees:

Oh God, please grant me mindfulness and wisdom, this is my constant prayer.[182]

Those of Q’uo point out another way to deal with spiritually based exhaustion:

If you are too weary to move on, if that is the sense that you get at this point, then we say to you: lighten the load. Remove expectations from your own self and allow yourself to play, to be as the daisies that dance upon the wind, carefree and blameless. You do not have to learn today. You do not have to work today. You have to do only that which is in your heart to do.[183]

Chapter Four: The New Age Buzz

Christianity And Wanderers

Those who live in most parts of the western world share a cultural myth in common: Christianity. Judeo-Christian stories and characters permeate our art and literature, and have called forth a vast and incredibly beautiful body of sacred music. People of Johann Sebastian Bach’s stature have devoted their whole lives and considerable energies to creating a sacred repertoire which has outlived them, and composers not even particularly religious in much of their music, have felt called to contribute towering religious masterpieces such as Beethoven and his Missa Solemnis and Mozart’s Requiem. The symbols and concept structures of this mythological or religious system meet us in our daily lives frequently. It is part of the furniture of our conscious mind and to some extent the shallows of our deep, unconscious mind. Whether it is still a viable religion, however, is each person’s own riddle to answer. Most wanderers have thought a lot about the story of Jesus’ life and ministry. The conclusions drawn vary widely, as one might expect. Those of Q’uo say:

The Christian’s vision of Christianity is not one vision, any more than the Buddhist vision, the Shinto vision and so forth, is unified. Although each entity which calls itself Christian feels that it is a member of a great group, nevertheless, each individual is doing no more and no less than seeking the face of the great mystery of the infinite Creator, just as each non-church-going entity does or does not do. How many Christians there are who have no interest whatsoever in seeking the truth, but are responding to stimulus much in the same way that a second-density animal which moves with the pack follows the leader of the pack, and behaves as does his group! There are the most extravagant extremes, from what Christians call sainthood to what Christians call great evil, within that great body of entities called Christianity. The one known as Jesus knew that the third-density experience was coming to an end, and hoped not only for a few to learn of forgiveness and redemption but for all to know the love and the light of the one infinite Creator. The creature which has grown up from this teacher’s body of instruction bears almost no resemblance, and certainly no ideological resemblance, to the nature of the community of those who love each other, which the teacher known as Jesus the Christ wished to form.[184]

The simple communal life, with members holding all things in common, was the basic lifestyle that Jesus recommended. Those who had, gave all; those who needed, got. It sounds more like communism than any other governmental arrangement considered in societies thus far, although it does not carry the load of anger at wealth itself that Marxism does. Its problem is that it does not pander to human traits like territoriality and greed. Look around the western world today and we see nuclear families defending their territory and making sure their lives are secure. The closest lifestyle these days to communal living that we see in normal society is enjoyed by the homeless, as they share what little they have. This is a culturally Christian society, not a Christ-like one.

There are many kinds of Christian, from the most loosely mystical to the most fundamentalist. As a practicing Christian, I would classify myself as mystical and far from inerrantist. My practice centers around devotion for and imitation of Jesus. I cannot remember a time when I did not know Jesus. In my child’s imaginary play land, he was there and I could always hold his hand if I felt weary or discouraged. I was born into the Episcopalian church, a sect that accommodates mystics quite comfortably. My spiritual advisors through the years have not had a problem with my channeling. Many others in less intellectually sophisticated sects have been far less lucky.

I would like to comment on a salient point for those who are Christian wanderers: the group worship aspect. When a church body gathers for worship services, as those of Q’uo noted, the congregation includes very devout people and also those who really could not care less about Jesus or religion, and are at church either because it is what is done, or because of business or social reasons. I have long accepted that I do not need to know who is who. I only need to enter wholeheartedly into worship myself, trusting in the faithful few who are worshiping with me. This concept has been the key to my enduring within the confines of the Christian religion, as practiced by my parish. It helps me in this endeavor that the Episcopal service remains the same, from year to year, decade to decade. Thee sacred words, the liturgy, flow through my being as familiar and welcomed essence, full of comfort and strength. I can sit in my little seat and drink in, with these dear words of the Eucharist, the very heart of the love of Jesus Christ, my love for Him and closeness to Him, and deep connection with things of the Holy Spirit. I find great aid in the preaching, the music and the discipline of the church year with its seasons of fast and feasting. So this is just where I need to be. I never proselytize. I have perfect faith that each seeker reading this will be working on his own spiritual expression in his own time and way. If anyone wishes to correspond with me about seeking Jesus or becoming a Christian, please feel free to write me.

Lynn B., a wise and thoughtful woman, shares:

I am no apologist for religions. I was brought up in a fundamentalist type of Christian environment, and I hated and resented every bit of it. I grew up with a resentment of churches, all of them, and organized religions. I was scared witless with stories of hellfire and damnation and the devil. I was convinced that if I didn’t toe the line I was doomed. I could have just accepted this form of control. All my friends were happy being told what to do and when to do it, so why wasn’t I? I kicked and rebelled against every church teaching I could get away with. I studied books from other religions, I wasn’t allowing anyone to control me. I wanted to find out for myself what I felt was right for me, and I did this. Now, if I hadn’t been brought up in this kick-ass religion, but in some other one which was more accommodating to allow me to sleep a little longer, or perhaps none at all, then maybe I would not have reached the point where I am at now. Maybe I would be sleeping, still. The church, for all I hated in it, instilled values in me which I have not rejected. I kept the parts which I felt were necessary for my growth and those that I hated were in fact, in retrospect, also necessary for my growth! Everything served a purpose. Yes, we may perceive certain negative forms of religion as just that, control by fear, but in this perfect order of universe there is some method to the madness. If someone had told me this 20 years ago, I would have been certain they were crazy or idiots. I felt too victimized by religion to see the larger picture. Now I am older and looking back I can see how perfect my life has been. The good, bad and especially the ugly. I thank those narrow-minded and inflexible teachers of so long ago because they taught me something I would never forget. Not all of us need this type of teaching, so I am not recommending it for you or for anyone else. It is a personal thing. I am just trying to say that the universe is already perfect. There is a reason for everything. Don’t judge something by its appearance![185]

I talk to many who love Jesus:

Although, I consider myself Christian, I think it is not the only religion that reveals the message of love. I want to walk as Jesus yet I find that I cannot be narrow-minded to think that path is the only one.[186]

***

I love Jesus but I would not consider myself a Christian. I can’t relate 100% to any religious group. I pull from here and there.[187]

There are many more wanderers who have felt the need to leave the church after childhood’s end. 175, a philosophical man much interested in metaphysical principles, says:

I just walked away from Unity Church in Bozeman because the congregation said we only want what reinforces our irresponsibility, our lack of relationship, our disconnection. So I felt it best to take my leave, not without sadness for I know truth. I know the realness of God. And it saddens me to tears so few wish to know.[188]

Laura Knight-Jadczyk adds:

I spent quite a number of years in charismatic church environments, as a whole-hearted attempt to find that elusive something that I felt was missing from my life. I experienced the “baptism of the Holy Spirit” and quite a number of amazing audio-visual anomalies, for lack of a better term, and, interestingly, these were what led me out of the church, that and a little knowledge.[189]

Then there are those who feel they must reject religion altogether:

Ever since I can remember I’ve questioned organized religion and searched for something that made more sense to me. I’ve studied many different beliefs, slowly rejecting each one, as something just didn’t seem right or I agreed with many concepts, but took great exception to a few.[190]

***

I was born with knowledge that wasn’t compatible with my Catholic upbringing such as former lives, the one consciousness that exists in all things, life on other planets. When I was finally able to accept this knowledge and myself, my life changed rapidly and continues to do so.[191]

I would say the vast majority of wanderers end up outside organized religion. My guess is that the main reason is control. Independent souls tend to feel that the church wants to control them, or is an agent of control for authoritarian figures:

I’m an extremely spiritual, not religious, person (there is a vast difference!) and I have a deep, personal, intimate relationship with God/Jesus and the blessed Mother. Organized religion has nothing to do with this. I dislike organized religions because they restrict freedom including free thinking. Their purpose is to control the people, therefore it’s just another form of government.[192]

***

I am not Christian, I don’t want to be Christian, I don’t like many facets of the religion and it is not my salvation. It is OK, I am not anti-Christian, but it’s not how I will live. It’s for those who sincerely do not want to control any aspects of their lives and that’s perfectly OK, its just not my style. I don’t feel like giving everything I do to someone else plus I don’t feel and think that my being here has anything to do with the whims of someone else, I am for me. I am me.[193]

A word on inerrantists/fundamentalists before we leave the topic of Christianity and wanderers: there is a quote or six from the Old Testament which covers why anyone who doesn’t believe this or that, or who does believe this or that, or does channel, is satanic. While words are just words, still, condemnatory words are painful, especially when they are coming from a family member or friend. I encourage us all not to urge our belief systems on anyone we know to be a Christian fundamentalist. I have been proselytized to for hours at a time and can attest that this type of judgmental conversation hurts. Avoid seeming to urge our beliefs on others. If trapped by worried inerrantists, my usual approach is to ask for their prayers for me and thank them for their concern. Not that this does any immediate good at getting them off our backs, but at least it gives us something to say when they want a response. Why do they feel the need to change our ways? Those of Q’uo tackle that question:

We find that, as is true in any religion, as you call these philosophies, there is much of doctrine that is suppositioned extrapolation, or a kind of fabrication that tends to hold all the elements observed within the Bible together in the minds of those entities who need each portion of scripture to fit within a neat arrangement as bricks within a wall. Within this attitude regarding the scripture there is the need for stability and certainty so that all questions concerning a believer have a certain answer. There is little room for mystery, for there is at the subconscious level the recognition of mystery everywhere, which is unsettling to the entities who have recently begun the conscious spiritual journey.[194]

It is as though fundamentalists and inerrantists want everything nailed down: what to do, what not to do, what to say and not say. There is a kind of comfort in that, but not one that will ever appeal to the spiritual outsider, who is generally allergic to such tight spiritual clothing. There always needs to be room for learning and growth. Dale Chorley adds:

I don’t align myself with any organized religion. I choose to lay my faith upon a simple universal law that I had heard the Atlanteans, and Egyptians, for a while, followed called the law of one. We are all part of one thing, one single entity, and eternal. We are given free will and should respect the free will of all others, this is the only code or tenet that governs our actions. Each of us exists as equals and co-creators within the whole of creation, that I believe sustains many, many civilizations in the awesome expanse of the universe.[195]

This “Law of One” is a reference to a channeled work, The Law Of One, which has come through our group from the Confederation entity known as Ra. Q’uo, another Confederation entity containing those of Ra, with whom I work now almost exclusively, says of their channeled material:

We come not to move people away from paths of seeking which are satisfying to the entity. We wish to place no stumbling block before any. However, in many cases among your peoples, those who seek most fervently are themselves alienated from the traditional cultural and religious systems. To those entities, we present a general and non-dogmatic way of looking at creation, the Creator and each seeker’s place within that creation. By doing this we hope to be of service, by affording those who may need a home, spiritually speaking, such a home. We hope for no church nor do we hope for any power within your world, rather, we simply make ourselves available through channels such as this one in order to present that alternative for those who may find it useful.[196]

These entities are sharing ideas, and in no way proselytizing. In sharing the Law of One with others, please keep this in mind. Share, but never insist.

Myth

As a former librarian, I noticed long ago that “religions,” in the Dewey Decimal system of cataloging, are classified separately from “myths,” which are relegated to a decade of the area of social studies rather than having their own hundred numbers as does religion. However, to me they are one and the same thing, myths being religions which current cultures and populations do not any longer believe. In languages which have been cobbled together to take care of worldly needs, good, clear metaphysical terms are sorely lacking. What we do have are the stories of myth, lore and religion, many evocative and mysterious stories that have helped people throughout history think upon metaphysical and divine things. Naturally, wanderers generally have some interest in, or even a craving for, myth. Those of Q’uo say:

Let us lay some groundwork. First of all, the words “mythology” and “religion” should be far more interchangeable than they are. The difficulty is that in myth, there is no judgment between one myth and another, whereas in religion, those of one religion square off with hostility against those religions which in some way contradict it. Thus, we prefer to talk of all paths of spirituality as personal myths. Realize that the essence of myth is to move the seeking entity by its own faith and its desire, to know the truth over a kind of rainbow bridge, a magical covenantal span that links time and eternity, that which is known and that which is a mystery.[197]

The building of a personal myth for ourselves, then, is that process whereby we see our lives in the light of eternity, and our incarnation as a brief but important effort of faith, gift and service, our own beau geste. It is a good way to think about one’s life and the journey of seeking. The twin essences of myth are adventure and self-sacrifice. In what is perhaps the central myth of the western world that is not mainstream Christian, the object of the journey of adventure is the holy grail:

Let us look at the compelling myth of the holy grail. It has perhaps seized the imagination of mystics in a more direct way than any spiritual system. The hero must go forth alone. It must pass impossible tests. It must bring back that which is unavailable, seemingly, and it must do it for the love of the infinite Creator. It is, of course, in the journey itself that the transformation of the hero occurs. When the hero returns, this entity, then, becomes the teacher, able to speak in parables and stories, anecdotes that may make sense to those about one.[198]

In the absence of an acceptable religious practice within conventional religion, then, the wanderer is on this journey searching for the grails of truth, beauty and deity without a clearly discernible vector:

When the culture does not identify greatly with any mythical system, then it is that the seeker is challenged to explore possibilities for itself. We find your culture at this time in such a state of flux. The lip service given to the mythical systems of Christianity and Judaism remain current and widespread, yet the emotional involvement of the culture as a whole in this mythical system is at a low level. In this atmosphere each seeker will find ways to create, from a synthesis of various systems or from within the self, a unique path. And this is more and more the way that those within your culture are moving.[199]

Those of Q’uo have a couple of suggestions here. One is to choose one story and stick to it:

Persist in experiencing and studying one system, be it of myth, science, philosophy or ethics, or any system whatsoever to which the seeker is personally and individually drawn.[200]

Another is to go through many of them, looking for one that fires our hearts and souls. Another tack is to move into our own personal myths, grasping the principles involved and creating our own myths or paths of practice:

Each race, each culture, each religion offers to the entities that are grouped within it an identification that makes them who they are and what they are. There are, however, within each culture, each religion, each philosophy, those far-seeing individuals who are like unto the hero in any journey or story, that can open up new possibilities to the people by their far-seeing vision.[201]

One thing, for sure, needs to be included in one’s personal myth:

Let us look at the way of encouraging ourselves to release from ourselves old, and undoubtedly unneeded, and certainly negative, habits. Most of what we have to offer you is a tool called forgiveness. We do not prefer one method of achieving redemption over another. All myths contain within them redemption and forgiveness, no matter how great the error. You may choose your path of faith, or you may create your own personal myth, but be sure it contains a rock-solid foundation of redemption and self-forgiveness.[202]

Let’s hear from some wanderers seeking their personal myths:

Someone once asked me what my religious beliefs were and when I told them, they said I was a mixture of every religion on this planet. I suppose that is true. I only know that I believe in the Creator, nothing will sway me from that, and that I, much to people’s disbelief, can comprehend infinity.[203]

***

Searching for truth and trying to belong, I found myself progressing through religions.[204]

***

I began reading obsessively about religion, psychic experience, philosophy and just about anything else I could get my hands on having to do with the nature of reality. I realized that at the core of all religion there seemed to be some kind of universal truth which had been expressed differently by other cultures. At the heart of it all was something called God.[205]

Those of Latwii tell us of the rules of the road beyond all study of myth, the style and attitude with which we may journey and seek the most skillfully:

It is a good thing in your mind to allow the various myths and legends about the seeker’s journey to evaporate from your minds, and to cease expecting and anticipating your journey’s next day, your experience’s next hour, for you are creatures of the moment and the journey lies within. And so, my friends, we suggest that you toss concern about your own sincerity to the wind and sing the songs of joy that are in your heart at this moment, or turn your face to the wind and moan and cry if that be your lot. Accept joy and sorrow as if they were the same thing. Accept the rocky place and the oasis as if they were equal gifts, for these are your home. You shall learn comfort in suffering, and you shall find the undertones of sadness in the most joyful moments, for that which is within you is whole and entire. You are not an experiencer of isolated events or a chronicle of segmented stories, but rather eyewitness to a present moment which this illusion shall suggest to you often to be more than one thing, longer than one moment, fragmented and broken. Yet if the road goes on forever, how can it be fragmented?[206]

Whatever our way of seeking our personal myths, it is important to do it daily:

We would suggest very strongly that it is well if there be an altar or holy place, small as it may be, within the dwelling or close to the dwelling that may be dry from the weather and accessible in all temperatures so that one may go there and meditate each day, to feel that place within that hungers for heavenly food.[207]

New Age Guilt

Before we leave this gaze at the new age self and turn to take a look at the new age itself, I want to talk about a very bad habit of new age healers and people in general to some extent: their tendency to judge themselves and others if they have any sort of disease or limitation. As one with birth defects and a lifelong history of health concerns, I am most familiar with it. Complete strangers have repeatedly written to or called me with lectures about what I should be changing in my thinking and practice in order to become well. In 1992 I went through rehab and recovered from the wheelchair and hospital bed in which I had spent 1989 through 1991 to a far more fully vertical life. Part of the rehab was a three week course in pain management. Learning how to evaluate and manage my own chronic aches and pains was a tremendous skill to learn and I recommend it to anyone who is having substantial difficulties functioning normally, whether by disease or simply getting older. I also felt then, and feel now, that prayers to Jesus Christ, and the prayers of many other human beings were part of my healing. Today I know extremely well that my situation remains fragile, for I receive injuries from the tiniest causes. However, if I end up bed-bound again, I shall still refuse to feel guilty! In good health or poor, we are who we are, and doing our best. That is always enough, metaphysically speaking. So to all of us: do our best, let that be enough, and don’t take the new age guilt in! As we are working upon our personal myths, reject those aspects where self-discipline devolves into self-judgment and judgment of others. 254, a woman who remembers coming from a planet called “Marka,” reports:

Just recently (six months) I saw a psychic for the first time. I went to see her about nothing in particular. She actually started to scold me. I felt like a naughty child.[208]

That’s the feeling, exactly. And many of us don’t even need outside voices in order to take on new age guilt; it’s a job easily done by the self. Those of Q’uo say:

Do not be beaten about by your own feelings of guilt. Rather, see them as opportunities to do work in consciousness, to forgive the self for being human, to analyze the situation to see whether or not the guilt is productive, to work upon releasing that guilt if it has not been productive, to work upon using that guilt in the highest and best way if there still is something that one can see to be done. Above all these considerations, above all manifestation and illusion the reality, as far as we know, is the perfect outworking of perfection: love reflected in love, moving through each instrument that is a soul of a person and out into the world. As you receive your catalyst, bless it and break yourself open to receive it with the most love of which you are capable in a stable manner. Do not move yourself beyond that which you can do without damage to yourself. Do not ask that which you are not ready for of yourself, but rather be sensitive to the opportunities that these negative feelings, so called, of guilt bring rise to.[209]

Doomsday Riffs

Catastrophe and Armageddon, UFO conspiracies and doomsday scenarios litter the new age literature and mindset, and have done so for decades, to my personal knowledge. When I began doing the UFO meditations with Don Elkins’ group in 1962, there were several predictions of doom swirling around, scheduled for two or three years down the road. This has been the case ever since then. Say those of Q’uo:

As one moves over the threshold into the unconscious and deeper within the memory, one passes through a level at which the Earth changes, as they are often called, strike a chord with humankind’s fear of not continuing. When there are fascinations with judgment day, Armageddon, or conversely the new age, the second coming, and so forth, we would suggest that, archetypically speaking, one is gazing at the self, gazing at death, the death of the personal self, for each knows that it is physically a creature of dust. It is made of Earth and that bone and sinew that moves this vehicle about shall one day again be dust.[210]

Fear of one’s mortality is normal. Clearly, death is both inevitable and ever unwished for. My feeling is that this basic fear is the root of much of the fear of catastrophe in the outer world. Here are expressions of it:

I’m really having a tough time with this. I think you and I both know it’s going to get worse. My senses are becoming more and more acute and regardless of how hard I try to keep myself grounded and shielded some of the fear still seeps through.[211]

***

My advice to other wanderers, is no advice. I wish them well, but feel it may be too late. It would be especially nice if I were wrong.[212]

These predictions of catastrophe have solid historical antecedents, Nostradamus’, for example. A meditation circle member asked Q’uo about Nostradamus in 1986, and they responded:

The entity of which you speak was one to whom information was transmitted in the form of visions which then this entity sought to transmit or capture in words that would then be preserved for use by future, as you call them, generations. This information, which was transmitted and perceived as the series of visions, was one point of viewing of one potential within the consciousness of this particular planetary influence. It is by no means the only potential. It was not then, nor is it now, alone in the possibility of occurrence, and in fact is that which is constantly formed and reformed by the choices of the populations of your planet, this in the metaphysical sense.[213]

This makes sense to me. My take on the catastrophes, and there are numerous catastrophes occurring in the world all the time, is that the many survivable catastrophes are good news. Scientists have known for a long time that the Earth’s crust is badly jammed along certain lines of overlapping tectonic plates. The planet needs to relieve these crushes and get more relaxed within her crust. This is happening by relative baby steps, and most of us are surviving it. I believe this to be the result of having a critical mass of graduation-ready ET and Earth-native wanderers on the planet in incarnation at this time, who are consciously sending light and love into the planetary vibration and lightening it. Those of Q’uo say:

We do feel that there is the potential for difficulties such as your floods, your earthquakes, those ways that the planet has of being comfortable within its own skin, for it, too, is a living being. This level of concern is appropriate. It is well to be aware that the ground under you is alive and that that life is compromised by the actions of humankind. We also are aware however that each difficulty has a solution and as the wheels of destiny turn, there will come balance and renewal.[214]

How to explain the very common wanderer’s beliefs in catastrophe, cataclysm and ascensions? Perhaps the alternative futures theory to which Q’uo referred in speaking of Nostradamus’ predictions would cover it. Having seen many, many dates for liftoff and ascension come and go through the years, I personally do not any longer regard any such predictions as likely. It is not that such a catastrophe is impossible. Dinosaurs made into oil, evidences of Noah’s flood and other signs let us know that planet-wide disaster occurs. It could happen tomorrow. If there were ascensions and liftoffs, wouldn’t that be a grand adventure! I do not see these people as deluded at all. Partially mistaken, perhaps, since the events do not occur on the physical plane, but in a way that only shows their courage and willingness to serve. I like what Aluna Joy had to say about it:

Remember it is not what we do as much as why we are doing it. Walking the path of love is about adding our energy to the light. It is a waste of energy to fight the darkness.[215]

It is notable that in writing a handbook for ET souls and outsiders on Earth, I have said virtually nothing about physical UFOs and their presence in our skies and among us. A quarter century ago, Don Elkins and I offered a look at UFOs in our book, Secrets Of The UFO, concluding that physical UFOs are here, but finding the metaphysical messages from ET sources much more interesting. My opinion has not changed. I honestly don’t think that the Grays, Insectoids, and the rest necessarily have a lot to do with the messages or their delivery to humankind via channels such as myself. There are many researchers and experiencers who disagree with me, and I respect their views and am following their research. Those of Q’uo have this to say:

As both positive and negative entities attempt consciously to achieve harvestability to positive fourth density or to negative fourth density, many are the stories of contacts and arrangements betwixt governments, or individuals within governments, and those who are not from your world. Because there is no way we could speak of these things that would not interfere with the free will of those who hear these words or read them, we shall simply say that were such things possible they would be part of an illusion which is part of a play. You may make it a comedy or a tragedy. It is not anyone’s choice but your own. There have indeed been many, many landings, abductions, and that which seems to be abduction but is in reality work upon the computer within you which you call your brain, placing within it programs which seem as much the truth to the one experiencing such, upon awakening, as any other memory. The basic intention here is to create fear. There are other designs which we cannot speak of because of that same law of free will, but we can say that they are inconsequential to those who choose to live a life of faith. Yes, these things are occurring, and yes, many, many positive contacts are also occurring for those who seek in love and light.[216]

As Dana R. pointed out to me recently, not all experiencers of physical UFO contact are afraid. She, visited by many an entity and sigil, is not. And there are aspects of her contact which are clearly metaphysical, as well as physical. This is not a clearly delineated issue, the distinction between physical and metaphysical UFO presence. Such determination of the polarity of a given UFO or UFO entity must take place one contact at a time. If both positive and negative, or service-to-others and service-to-self, contacts are being made, how are we to tell which kind our experience is? Here is an exchange between Elkins and those of Ra:

Questioner: Then in general we could say that if an individual has a “Close Encounter” with a UFO or any other type experience that seems to be UFO-related, he must look to the heart of the encounter and the effect upon him to determine whether it was Orion or Confederation contact. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. If there is fear and doom, the contact was quite likely of a negative nature. If the result is hope, friendly feelings, and the awakening of a positive feeling of purposeful service-to-others, the marks of Confederation contact are evident.[217]

Again, Don questioned those of Ra after he gave a lecture at a local college that was attended by very few people, perhaps six or seven. He gave an excellent presentation, but was discouraged to share with seemingly so few. The Ra group pointed out that:

The audience brought about by Orion-type publicity is not seeded by seniority of vibration to a great extent. The audiences receiving teach/learnings without stimulus from publicity will be more greatly oriented towards illumination. Therefore, forget you the counting.[218]

In other words, he had talked to a few really good people who were naturally and organically drawn to the little-publicized talk, as opposed to a bunch of people following the latest UFO flap or rash of sightings minutes before following something else that bounced into view. Ironically, after Don’s death, we tried to gather together his taped speeches and were sad to discover that, not thinking he would leave us so soon, we had not taped him much at all. The taped lecture we now offer was largely made up of his speech that day, and thousands have, by now, heard that tape, which we distribute.[219]

Harvest On Planet Earth

“Harvest” is a trigger word for a lot of new age personalities across a wide range of orientation. I feel there are two harvests going on in the Earth world today, a harvest of its peoples and a harvest of the planet itself. This sense of living in a time of culmination or completion is very common among wanderers. Confederation entities have talked about cycles of time within which the planetary population has the opportunity to learn the lessons of love that make up the curriculum of the Earth school of hard knocks. According to them, we are at the end of a minor cycle of 25,000 years, roughly, and also at the end of the major cycle of 75,000 years. There is a harvest of souls possible at the end of each of the three minor cycles within a major cycle, but Earth’s first two minor harvests have not happened except for a tiny few who were able to graduate, and so all those incarnate at this time are living in a time of mandatory major harvest. Some will graduate and move on to further lessons, some will repeat this “grade” or density of the school, as their lessons have not yet been learned. Here, two wanderers share their sense of harvest’s approach:

I know that the times I have prepared for are at hand. I know the two of us are undergoing a profound and gradual transformation, guided by and sourced from the higher levels of reality. It is clear to me that the only thing left to do is perfect my ability to surrender to Spirit and to do whatever I am asked to do with my whole heart.[220]

***

I feel very excited by being here at this time in Earth’s history. I really don’t know what each day brings, but I have a sense of being here for a reason, a need to help and guide and I feel that all I’ve done and experienced has led me to this place now, ready for what, I’m not sure.[221]

It’s refreshing to hear the “very excited” 109, a charming woman who describes herself as a “starchild” fascinated by the “other,” say that she’s not sure what is coming! So many people have set ideas, and my feeling is that all the timetables are probably wrong! It’s hard to realize, from the earthbound perspective, how foreshortened time itself is when seen from the metaphysical universe. Truly is it said that “A thousand ages in His sight are but a moment gone.”[222] I feel quite certain that metaphysical processes are indeed occurring, but that they will be far more subtle and take place over a far longer period of time than is generally thought by those keen on bringing in this new age. In orienting us to my version of what’s happening in this harvest, I begin with the concept of seniority by vibration. I feel that each person on the Earth today has achieved an incarnation at this time because each has the capacity to achieve a successful graduation. Those of Q’uo state:

There has been a radical upswing, shall we say, in awakening souls. It is for this reason that some within this group chose incarnation upon this sphere at this time. This is indeed an harvest season for those entities who now dance the dance of third density. This is a time when each of those who has been allowed to incarnate has the possibility of graduating into the next density at the end of this incarnation. The line to get into the physical third-density planet Earth atmosphere is a long one, for the need here is great at this time.[223]

How does one judge seniority of vibration? Don asks those of Ra:

Questioner: Would the red ray, an intense red ray, then be used as an index for seniority in incarnation as well as an intense violet ray?

Ra: I am Ra. This is partially correct. In the graduation or harvesting to fourth-density positive, the red ray is seen only as that which, being activated, is the basis for all that occurs in vibratory levels, the sum of this being violet ray energy. This violet ray is the only consideration for fourth-density positive. In assessing the harvestable fourth-density negative, the intensity of the red as well as the orange and the yellow rays is looked upon quite carefully as a great deal of stamina and energy of this type is necessary for the negative progression, it being extremely difficult to open the gateway to intelligent infinity from the solar plexus center. This is necessary for harvest in fourth-density negative.[224]

This quote presents a tangle of information on energy systems and polarity. We will look at the concepts of chakras and energy centers in the next chapter and the concept of metaphysical polarity in Chapter Six. There is also information on these topics in the Glossary. The concept of a mixed harvest is central, for that is what we are having, with some few souls now able to graduate from this density in the positive or service-to-others sense, and some, even fewer, souls graduating in the negative sense. There is still time for people not quite sufficiently polarized to achieve adequate polarization to make the grade, and at present, the Earth is populated by those who have won the right to a life now because it is within their reach to do it:

Many of those who are seeking at this time are those who have, by seniority of vibration, been given the opportunity of incarnating at a time when both the positive polarity and the negative polarity are attempting to increase the intensity of their distortions toward service to others for the positive entities and service to self for the negatively polarizing entities.[225]

As we Earthlings say, “Katie, bar the door!” We certainly are having interesting catalyst these days! And all to prepare us for something called harvest. A more clear term for it, I feel, is “graduation.” We are in the third density, call it the third grade. We may have wandered here from a position in late-third, fourth, fifth, or sixth grade, but when we incarnated here, we all became third graders again, and we shall join all Earth natives in having to pass this third-density graduation in order to leave third density at the end of this incarnation. Again, bear with me here, we will discuss densities further in the next chapter. Now what are the requirements of this graduation of souls at harvest on planet Earth? The first requirement sounds simple enough: we need to be thinking about service to others more than half the time:

It is necessary that the student have the persistent desire to be of service to others in excess of the fifty-one percentile in order that this student might be able to withstand the more intense light emanations that are the normal boundaries or givens, shall we say, of the fourth-density experience.[226]

This 51% rule, let’s call it, applies to those who are on the service-to-others, or positive path. For those with a less stringently literal and scientific bent, we could say that the rule is to think of others more than of ourselves. For those who are on the service-to-self, or negative path, the requirements are different:

Ra: The entity who wishes to pursue the path of service to self must attain a grade of five, that is five percent service to others, ninety-five percent service to self. It must approach totality. The negative path is quite difficult to attain harvestability upon and requires great dedication.

Questioner: Why is the negative path so much more difficult to attain harvestability upon than the positive?

Ra: I am Ra. This is due to a distortion of the Law of One which indicates that the gateway to intelligent infinity be a gateway at the end of a strait and narrow path as you may call it. To attain fifty-one percent dedication to the welfare of other-selves is as difficult as attaining a grade of five percent dedication to other-selves [i.e. ninety-five percent service to self]. The, shall we say, sinkhole of indifference is between those two.[227]

So positively polarized people need to reach 51% service to others, whereas negatively polarized people need to reach a grade of 95% service to self. We may see here the action of polarity, with one’s will very important in keeping the self focused upon one’s goals within the daily life. It is in this focus that so many people remain distracted or sleeping during this momentous time. Even the keenest among us may sometimes rest in what those of Ra called the sinkhole of indifference, where we are doing a good deed, then a selfish one, then a good one again, back and forth, never getting off dead center and starting that swing of intent and focus to one or the other pole of love of and service to others, or self. To polarize, we need to choose again and again to serve others at the expense of the self, for the path of service to others or radiation, or to manipulate and control others for benefit to the self, for the path of service to self or magnetism. Next, the usual requirement is that graduation or harvest take place after the death of the physical body:

The end times are not drawing near, the end times have well begun; and they shall continue for many of your years to come. It is impossible to tell you, even if we could, when the transition will be complete. We can tell you that it shall be non-dramatic, that those who are harvested shall be harvested as their natural lifetime of incarnational lessons draws to a close.[228]

Although it is extremely rare, there is, very occasionally, a special soul who achieves graduation while in incarnation, but the chance to leave the Earth plane and advance alone is almost never taken:

Questioner: You stated at an earlier time that penetration of the eighth level or intelligent infinity allows a mind/body/spirit complex to be harvested if it wishes at any time/space during the cycle. When this penetration of the eighth level occurs what does the entity who penetrates it experience?

Ra: I am Ra. The experience of each entity is unique in its perception of intelligent infinity. Perceptions range from a limitless joy to a strong dedication to service to others while in the incarnated state. The entity which reaches intelligent infinity most often will perceive this experience as one of unspeakable profundity. However, it is not usual for the entity to immediately desire the cessation of the incarnation. Rather the desire to communicate or use this experience to aid others is extremely strong.[229]

The last requirement for harvest or graduation is, surprisingly perhaps, knowing that one does not know anything:

Questioner: I am assuming that it is not necessary for an individual to understand the Law of One to go from the third to the fourth density. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. It is absolutely necessary that an entity consciously realize it does not understand in order for it to be harvestable. Understanding is not of this density.[230]

It occurred to Don Elkins to ask how usual it is for a harvest to be mixed:

Questioner: How common in the universe is a mixed harvest from a planet of both positively and negatively oriented mind/body/spirit complexes?

Ra: I am Ra. Among planetary harvests which yield an harvest of mind/body/spirit complexes approximately 10% are negative; approximately 60% are positive; and approximately 30% are mixed with nearly all harvest being positive. In the event of mixed harvest it is almost unknown for the majority of the harvest to be negative. When a planet moves strongly towards the negative there is almost no opportunity for harvestable positive polarization.[231]

There we have it. About one in three harvests is mixed as ours is now. We are not as weird as some may feel!

Harvest, as far as I have been able to determine, takes place after the physical death. Just how does that work? Those of Ra say:

Those who, finishing a cycle of experience, demonstrate grades of distortion of that understanding of thought and action, will be separated by their own choice into the vibratory distortion most comfortable to their mind/body/spirit complexes. This process is guarded or watched by those nurturing beings who, being very close to the Law of One in their distortions, nevertheless, move towards active service. Thus, the illusion is created of light, or more properly but less understandably, light/love. This is in varying degrees of intensity. The spirit complex of each harvested entity moves along the line of light until the light grows too glaring, at which time the entity stops. This entity may have barely reached third density or may be very, very close to the ending of the third-density light/love distortion vibratory complex. Nevertheless, those who fall within this octave of intensifying light/love then experience a major cycle during which there are opportunities for the discovery of the distortions which are inherent in each entity and, therefore, the lessening of these distortions.[232]

This “line of light” or “proper place of love/light” is something I have come to call “the steps of light.” It is easier for me to visualize the process this way. I can see walking into the light that grows ever dense and more light-filled, until the glare stops me. I just hope that fullest light I am able to welcome, when I walk the steps of light, is that of my home density!

Now, for the other harvest: the harvest of the planet, Earth, Terra, or Gaia. How does this planetary harvest work? Don asks:

Questioner: How does a third-density planet become a fourth density planet?

Ra: I am Ra. This will be the last full question. The fourth density is, as we have said, as regularized in its approach as the striking of a clock upon the hour. The space/time of your solar system has enabled this planetary sphere to spiral into space/time of a different vibrational configuration. This causes the planetary sphere to be able to be molded by these new distortions. However, the thought-forms of your people during this transition period are such that the mind/body/spirit complexes of both individual and societies are scattered throughout the spectrum instead of becoming able to grasp the needle, shall we say, and point the compass in one direction. Thus, the entry into the vibration of love, sometimes called by your people the vibration of understanding, is not effective with your present societal complex. Thus, the harvest shall be such that many will repeat the third-density cycle. The energies of your wanderers, your teachers, and your adepts at this time are all bent upon increasing the harvest. However, there are few to harvest.[233]

Obviously, our planet is having trouble being born into fourth density time/space and space/time. Hence the many catastrophes, as the planet attempts to balance itself. The Confederation feels that we are basically in fourth density space/time already, that it has been moving into it as a solar system for some time. We cannot see this with our third-density senses. When this process is completed, in a century or three, what will Earth be?

Questioner: On this planet after the harvest is complete, will fourth-density beings be incarnate on the surface as we know it now?

Ra: I am Ra. The probability/possibility vortices indicate this to be most likely.[234]

Some few souls are already incarnating in fourth-density bodies:

Questioner: Would the purpose in transitioning to Earth prior to the complete changeover then be for the experience to be gained here before the harvesting process?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. These entities are not wanderers in the sense that this planetary sphere is their fourth-density home planet. However, the experience of this service is earned only by those harvested third-density entities which have demonstrated a great deal of orientation towards service to others. It is a privilege to be allowed this early an incarnation as there is much experiential catalyst in service to other-selves at this harvesting.[235]

So we have early souls pioneering fourth density. But will fourth density take over from third density? Not on this Earth plane. Those of Ra clarify:

Questioner: At present we have, in third-density incarnation on this plane, those third-density entities of the planet Earth who have been here for some number of incarnations, who will graduate in the three-way split, positive polarity remaining for fourth-density experience on this planet, the negative polarity harvestable going to another planet, and the rest [of] unharvestable third-density going to another third-density planet. In addition to these entities I am assuming that we have here some entities already harvestable from other third-density planets who have come here and have incarnated in third-density form to make the transition with this planet into fourth-density, plus Wanderers. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct except we may note a small point. The positively oriented harvested entities will remain in this planetary influence but not upon this plane.[236]

For us third-density folks who are working towards harvest, what are our aims? The first and central one is to BE. Those of the Confederation talk about this challenging concept:

During the incarnation, it is well if one attempts to be one’s self, to be that pattern, to be that choice, to be true to the self, for the self to which you are true is the greater self, the higher self that has laid the path before you in a fashion which allows for the free will interpretation of many, many details and yet which assures each entity that the path has been laid and laid clearly.[237]

Two wanderers talk about being:

For me, it is about balance. Yes, the potential for any number of disasters or disastrous events is there. And quite probable. And yes, our time on this planet is growing shorter. All the more reason to be and not react.[238]

***

Follow your own heart. If you are led to help with the harvest, help with the harvest. If you believe you will be here after the harvest, be here after the harvest. If you believe Jesus Christ is coming again, look for the coming. If you know that ETs are trying to contact us, listen for the message. Just be who you are, and know that no matter how unique or alienated you may feel, you are not alone. Just BE and the rest will take care of itself.[239]

Being is a hard thing for us to think about, because of our Doing mentality, the work ethic of our culture. But once we are able to see the task clearly, the way is open for our efforts. Another worthy aim for those working towards graduation is oneness with the heart of self and Creator:

As you enter this season of harvest you know there is service to perform and you wish to be about it, and we say to you that the way to serve the Creator at this time is to open the heart to the present moment and practice that precious oneness with the Creator.[240]

A central aim of those approaching harvest is polarizing:

Each of you is capable within this lifetime of achieving a harvestable attitude towards love. That is, each of you is capable of caring more for another, for loving another, understanding another, comforting another, consoling another, forgiving another, more than each cares for being understood or being loved or being consoled or being forgiven. This sacrificial nature of love, where one spends more of one’s time concerned with aiding others than one does concerned with aiding oneself, is a tremendously helpful way to move in polarization ever closer to the point where, when you do enter the larger life after the death of the animal which has carried you about, you shall be able to use the requisite amount of light from the infinite Creator.[241]

Those of Ra suggest that balance is an aim for those working on harvestability:

Each mind/body/spirit complex has its own patterns of activation and its own rhythms of awakening. The important thing for harvest is the harmonious balance between the various energy centers of the mind/body/spirit complex. This is to be noted as of relative import.[242]

Work with the will and intensity of desire round out this short look at the aims of those approaching harvest:

As your planet nears that [which is] called the harvest, the experiences of many shall be intensified, for as time for harvest grows short, the work in order to achieve harvest must be accomplished in a shorter time. When time is short, then intensity must replace the time that is no longer available. Great work in consciousness can be done in this short time that remains before the harvest of souls from your planet. There is, of course, the risk that the work shall be more difficult, yet there is the great opportunity to move forward in the process of evolution as has never been possible before upon this planet.[243]

It is to be noted that another name for wanderers is harvesters. Our being here now has everything to do with the harvest:

The overriding reason for the offering of these Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow in incarnative states is the possibility of aiding other selves by the lightening of the planetary consciousness distortions and the probability of offering catalyst to other-selves which will increase the harvest. There are two other reasons for choosing this service which have to do with the self. The wanderer, if it remembers and dedicates itself to service, will polarize much more rapidly than is possible in the far more etiolated realms of higher density catalyst. The final reason is within the mind/body/spirit totality or the social memory complex totality which may judge that an entity or members of a societal entity can make use of third-density catalyst to recapitulate a learning/teaching which is adjudged to be less than perfect. This especially applies to those entering into and proceeding through sixth density wherein the balance between compassion and wisdom is perfected.[244]

The Confederation entities are here in thought to aid us at this time:

We are those who come to your peoples at this time in hopes of being of service by providing information and opinion concerning spiritual evolution. It is our understanding that this present period which you now enjoy is part of a season of harvest or completion upon your Earth world. In this time of transition to a more densely lit illusion there is great opportunity, we feel, for entities who are seeking to accelerate their process of spiritual evolution to do so. We are those who wish to assist, as we may, those who request our opinion and presence.[245]

Transformation

Another word used often in the new age literature is “transformation.” Like the word “initiation,” transformation has a fuzzy and various meaning, depending upon who uses it and in what way. On balance, my feeling is that this is a word which is most nearly synonymous with realization, revelation, epiphany or satori. Unlike initiation, which is a part of a cycle of learning, transformation cannot be directly earned. It is, rather, a process that we can encourage or invite within ourselves by various means, which we shall explore. Those of Latwii talk about it:

Eventually the entity begins to seek in a conscious manner the keys which shall unlock door after door within the inner self and reveal those treasures of being that await such seeking. At some point in this process, there is the transformation in which the seeker not only knows intellectually with the conscious mind that it and all it observes are the one Creator, but experiences more and more the being of the one Creator within its own being. The one Creator is found within and the entity is found everywhere within the one Creator. As this process becomes more apparent and becomes that which is experienced more and more within the incarnation, the seeker discovers that it is that which it seeks.[246]

Here’s an example of a typical transformational experience, told by a gentleman who is quite puzzled by the whole thing:

But here is the recent experience I have had which has really got me wondering. Two weeks ago before an exam (I’m in college), I was incredibly frustrated and had nobody to turn to. I wondered if there really was a God and if I was all alone. At that moment, a feeling of which I have never come close to experiencing before filled my body. It was one of pure love, the purest love I have ever felt and it chokes me up now to even write about it. I also felt this presence in the room like it was sitting right next to me consoling me. From that point on, all of my frustration and stress simply disappeared and I felt better than I have ever felt in my life.[247]

Those of Hatonn focus on this quality of experience:

We would encourage all of your race to be more attentive to the signs that surround you, for as the light shines from out of the east and covers all of the land in a gradual transformation of darkness into lightness, so also, my brothers, does the transformation come.[248]

What does it take to encourage this process within the self? One asset is a generous amount of patience:

Of course, seekers wish to help along the process of transformation. But if the seeker can pull the point of view back far enough to gaze upon the conscious self living through the confusion of change, which has been put in motion because of purified desire, this seeker may see that once the desire is honed and tempered then there comes the time of faithful patience.[249]

Another aid is the ability to surrender one’s resistance to change:

Within this transformation lies a tremendous degree of surrender, and because this surrendering feels like dying, the path of the seeker is often perceived by the self as difficult, painful and awkward. However, we encourage each to consider that there is a natural tendency to resist change. Within each cell of the body and brain there is a tendency towards holding on to the status quo. The spiritually directed life lacks not in joy, however, it does increase suffering as it increases the rate of change within the entity.[250]

Given that this process of inner work is needed, meditation seems a natural concomitant aid:

We cannot urge enough that meditation be done on a daily basis. We do not suggest judging the excellence of the individual meditations or even attaching great importance to the time therein spent. When the desire is ripe within one, that attention will be there, and that progress will be made. However, without the disciplines of the daily meditations, if only for a few minutes, the season of each pilgrim’s own transformation may well pass unnoticed, lost in the hurry and scurry of daily activity.[251]

How will this process impinge on the deep mind, or how will the deep mind move into this process?

Many use the trunk and roots of mind as if that portion of mind were a badly used, prostituted entity. Then this entity gains from this great storehouse that which is rough, prostituted, and without great virtue. Those who turn to the deep mind, seeing it in the guise of the maiden, go forth to court it. The courtship has nothing of plunder in its semblance and may be protracted, yet the treasure gained by such careful courtship is great. The right-hand and left-hand transformations of the mind may be seen to differ by the attitude of the conscious mind towards its own resources as well as the resources of other-selves.[252]

In this work, we need to let the whole issue of self-judgment go:

To begin to be able to make the transformation one must first begin to allow the judgment of the self concerning the self to fade away and become unimportant, for there is no possibility of accurate judgment of the self by the self. It is well to examine the life as much as is possible but only in that it enables one to see into the uppermost layers of selfhood. Certainly this is valuable. However, it does not make you a judge. When one is able to lay self-judgment aside and instead to take up the solitude and the dust of the spiritual path taken on faith then is one beginning to be able to dwell and abide with others in a creative and living way.[253]

This process of transformation can feel very hard, as times of change and loss come.

To the extent that you cooperate with these energies of transformation, then to this extent the discomfort may not breed fear. You can look at the suffering and say, “I must be changing pretty well,” but if you need the fear, allow it. There is nothing wrong with protecting your delicate and sensitive inner self. It is possible to allow this fear and then try just a little less fear, and then a little less, and move slowly, supporting the self, not discouraging the self by railing against the lack of courage or railing against destiny for the discomfort which change brings.[254]

Although we wanderers love to delve into the subtle shadows, the everyday experience will bring to us all we need for this process of transformation to have its fuel.

All things in manifestation may be seen in one way or another to be offering themselves in order that transformations may take place upon the level appropriate to the action.[255]

There is one process of transformation that is very special. It has to do with the gradual awareness of all of us for each other as members of a spiritual family. Usually, these transformative processes begin by sensing those who are most spiritually akin to one. The promise of this transformative process is the beginning of the formation of the fourth-density positive social memory complex of Earth.

One who perceives these networks of kinship has managed to begin the linking of all the species. Indeed, perhaps it has become obvious by now that we suggest that the spiritual family which may perhaps most come at the start and root of all other concerns for family, is the family of humankind which will attempt in fourth density upon this sphere to form a fourth-density positive social memory complex. Each connection made lovingly and freely, being manifested, draws closer to an entity the realizations of honest kinship which can only be felt by first extending kinship. The leap of faith, as this instrument has it in her mind, is always necessary, for any transformation of thought is preceded by a desire to know, which precipitates the use of will at some point. Change is painful, and one who seeks to know his spiritual family shall endure the pain of each family member’s miseries, for it is so that all who are conscious of the self, suffer.[256]

The Confederation groups hope to be of service to us as we do this gradual work.

Transformation is that which requires the one undergoing the transformation to seek with one’s own efforts as fully as possible. Thus the darkness seems far more black and full of difficulty than any previous experience. However, we assure you that there is aid at hand and even though you feel there is no response to your call for assistance there is the love and the light sent by all those whose honor it is to walk with you upon this journey.[257]

Global Mind

In this run through various buzz words of the new age, we end with a consideration of global mind. One thread of meaning I am specifically not following is global mind in the sense of “hive-mind”; that is, all of us Earthlings being co-opted by some alien race as drones or slaves. If anything is turning us in that direction today, it is the media, our very own agents of mass information, disinformation, propaganda and the fads of the cultural day. No, the thread I wish to follow is that concept so many wanderers have of coming together as one to make a better world:

Our service-to-self or service-to-others stuff is really revolutionary to our societal outlook or rather the Utopian dream/fantasy we all hold dear in our hearts. I know the end result of all our work is to blend with the one infinite Creator, but in the meantime we have the potential to exist within that Utopian society we all dream of, now, just by creating the things we hold dear, here and now.[258]

If we think of fourth-density positive as a kind of Eden, where we shall all be one with each other, these hopes make perfect sense. We are striving towards our “manifest destiny.”

You actually think to create an entity that never was until you put yourself into the rhythms and the intentions of a way of living that will bring you closer and closer to a goal that you can only dimly sense, and that goal has to do with the way you interact with other selves. The entity you are attempting to build is the world soul or the social memory complex, as this instrument would say it.[259]

It will be a while yet before we achieve this, I feel it safe to say. But it’s good to see where we’re headed. Many wanderers are aware that we need to treat the planet better. Russell Louie says:

As a wanderer, I think globally while others are always looking for what’s in it for them. Whenever people talk about recycling or using renewable energy resources I always wonder why everyone is not doing this.[260]

The Confederation agrees:

There is a planetary karma also, for nation states and large economic, social and, what you term, religious groups of entities have offered unbalanced action to other groups of entities. Thusly, the individual karma and the societal karma mount to the level of the heavens. The planet as a whole does not, at this time, have one karma. Thusly, there is the opportunity for entities which wish to aid in the societal karma to do so, and many among your peoples are those which have incarnated to do personal work in consciousness, to make choices which further refine choices, to work for the one infinite Creator, and to serve in a healing capacity upon the level of the consciousness which is deep enough in the roots of mind to be that consciousness shared by all upon all levels of native being within, upon, and around your planetary sphere.[261]

Those of Q’uo assure us that our work has borne some fruit:

The planetary consciousness is drinking in your essence. It is lightening the planetary vibration and is acting as an ameliorator of birth pangs within the planet. Inconvenient and difficult times beckon. Within these confusing times the silent witness of being shall more and more be needed as the planet reaches for a new point of balance.[262]

We are certainly here on Earth at the right time! Brisis and others speak of their being drawn to connecting:

There are times where I feel part of everything, part of the greater whole, one with the universe, and it’s at those times that I feel most comfortable with myself, my world and those around me. It’s also those times which I cherish the most. I finally feel accepted by some part of myself and the world. Mostly, though, I just travel my own path and bring those along who are willing, realizing that one day all will fall into place and no longer will I be the person looking in from outside, but will be a member of the greater whole, dancing my own dance of life and unity.[263]

Brisis expresses more of a cultural than a personal feeling about the same goal:

I am working towards a career in documentary filmmaking where I hope to communicate a message of love and understanding to the world about others. No, really, that’s a career goal for me at the age of 23 and I can’t help but think it’s a bit strange for a 23-year-old in this society to want to do that instead of focus on other things.[264]

***

Most of all, I wish I could do/say something to promote the idea of connection. It’s a big notion that is being expressed a lot these days. But I feel the reality of it has yet to hit home. So there continues to be this feeling we are working to introduce certain ideas that take time to gel. The irony is not lost on me of feeling compelled to speak about connection, while I have felt so disconnected.[265]

Those of Q’uo applaud:

At this end time of your present third-density cycle, it is entirely appropriate that each set the self the task of finding new ways of coming into harmony with other cultures, other races and other structures of thought, logic and being. The end result of this planetary effort to come into spiritual convergence shall be that social memory complex that is the basic structure for fourth-density work. You are attempting to learn how to be one people, sharing each other’s thoughts, hopes, and fears, carrying each other’s burdens as naturally as breathing, sharing each other’s joys as if they are your own.[266]

To come full circle in this discussion of global mind, here is a parting quote from those of Q’uo on our mass media:

What we see occurring is a two-way dynamic, in which environment entities have constant stimulation which may lead to awakening. The desire of entities to conform and to be distracted moves as a negative influence which tends to break down the process of reaching out and making fearless connections with those about one. Insofar as the mass media of your culture focuses upon the portion of human activity, shall we say, that carries a heavy, negative emotional charge, such as the war, the murder, the rape, and so forth, there is that which builds fear and raises walls betwixt entities. However, the same mass media also contains much that is yeasty with hope for those who are hoping to find some place to belong, some place that does not feel alien. And with the greatly enhanced capacities of entities to make connections with one another that the age of information, as this instrument calls it, brings, these same mass media are gratefully applauded harbingers of the capacity of entities to make these connections, to strengthen that golden netting of love manifested in light that will become internalized in time. And, therefore, that are the parents in a real way of the social memory complex.[267]

I have come to feel that the mass media have great promise, and that the internet and e-mail are training wheels for fourth density. And speaking of densities, let us now turn to a look, in the next chapter, at that whole scheme of things which Confederation beings have offered us.

Chapter Five: Our Energetic Selves And How We Evolve

The Energy System Of The Body

We began this handbook looking from the surface or outside of our lives inward, looking at how we, as wanderers, seem different from the norm, and at the nature of our discomfort and discontent. We have oriented ourselves to the new age. In this chapter, we will take a look at the way we and our creation are metaphysically made, so that we will begin to see the reason we seem so athwart of the surface things of “normal” life or consensus reality. In doing this, I am offering not a dogma but a way of viewing things that has been of help to me, and that I hope may also be of aid to you. We will look at how our body’s energy system works, and then at how the creation in which these bodies live works.

The physical body’s energy comes from what we might call the electrical body or the energetic body, which can be thought of as a light body interpenetrating and enlivening our physical bodies. In talking about this electrical body’s energy system, we can begin with the concept of chakras that we have from eastern religions such as Hinduism and Buddhism. This is so similar to the Ra’s energy centers or rays that the terms are interchangeable. What are the energy centers? They lie along the spine, from the root of the spine to the top of the head, following the rainbow colors of red through violet seriatim: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. Each of these centers is a filter and propeller that greets the incoming energy, either allowing it through the center unchanged, intensifying and energizing, crystallizing, balancing or blocking it to varying degrees. This concept of energy centers is intimately connected to the concept of the universe as a group of fields of energy. For example, the stars are centers of energy of the same kind as our chakras:

In the case of the galactic systems, the first manifestation of the Logos is a cluster of central systems which generate the outward swirling energies producing, in their turn, further energy centers for the Logos or what you would call stars.[268]

Stars are really BIG energy centers. We are seemingly much smaller complexes of energy centers, but we recapitulate the entire creation and its energies just as do stars. What fuels the stars and us is the infinite love and light of the one Creator. This love and light comes to the Earth plane from our star and other cosmic influences, entering in infinite supply into the body at the feet, and then moving upwards in a line of spiraling light. It enters the root or red-ray chakra first and then the rest of the chakras in turn. We either project it outward through lower energy centers or allow it to exit through the top of the head after we are through using and changing it.

What energy do the energy centers process? Those of Ra say:

The action of the upward spiraling light drawn by the will to meet the inner light of the one infinite Creator may be likened to the beating of the heart and the movement of the muscles surrounding the lungs and all the other functions of the parasympathetic nervous system. The calling of the adept may be likened to those nerve and muscle actions over which the mind/body/spirit complex has conscious control.[269]

In other words, we get energy flowing into our body through the feet and bottom of the spine without doing a thing to encourage it. We all receive this same unlimited energy. Once it enters our energy field, however, what we do to alter or distort this light energy is unique to us and to the way we think and live. At each energy center on its trip up the spine, the light will need to feed through the patterns of the centers themselves. The reference to the “inner light” is a reference to the kind of energy brought into the body’s energy field from the top of the head down by meditation or other work in consciousness. In enough force, it can greatly facilitate and accelerate the speed at which the upward spiraling light comes through the energy centers. This play of the upward spiraling light and the light called from above can be seen to resemble the eastern study mystics call the rising of the kundalini, in which lower energies are transmuted to higher:

The seeker seeks the One. The One is to be sought, as we have said, by the balanced and self-accepting self, aware both of its apparent distortions and its total perfection. Resting in this balanced awareness, the entity then opens the self to the universe which it is. The light energy of all things may then be attracted by this intense seeking, and wherever the inner seeking meets the attracted cosmic prana, realization of the One takes place.[270]

These centers can be seen to be in geometric shapes of energy flux. The goal is to open, balance and crystallize each of these energy centers so that they do not impede the progress of the light energy up the spine, especially through the first triad of rays, red/orange/yellow, into the heart center. Those of Ra say:

Questioner: How does an individual go about balancing himself? What is the first step?

Ra: I am Ra. The steps are only one; that is, an understanding of the energy centers which make up the mind/body/spirit complex.[271]

We will look at the statement about each center separately. Follow the rainbow imagery as we visualize these:

The first balancing is of the Malkuth, or Earth, vibratory energy complex, called the red-ray complex. An understanding and acceptance of this energy is fundamental.[272]

In this red-ray energy center, located between the legs at the base of the spine, lie our concerns about survival and sexuality. When this center is blocked or distorted, all incoming energy is immediately stepped down or blocked by the resistance. We then have diminished ability to handle all the rest of our concerns. Malkuth refers to a kabalistic and ceremonial magical system of energies called the Tree Of Life. Malkuth is number ten, the lowest station or earthiest energy nexus. Those of Q’uo say:

So, if each who seeks wishes to begin somewhere, it is well to begin at the red-ray chakra of generation, of survival. How blessed it is; how thankful we must all feel, to be breathing, to be living this day. If that joy is lost or removed, it still may be joy to one who has faith, just as those who live through the night have faith that the morning will come. The female in the culture in which you live is programmed to block the red-ray chakra to a great extent because the consequences of bearing children are much more devastating to an entity who has casually found oneself with a child. Therefore, we do not mean that to claim the red-ray energy and clear it, one must be sexually active. That is not so. However, one must be comfortable within one’s body, within one’s sexuality.[273]

***

The next energy complex which may be blocked is the emotional, or personal complex, also known as the orange-ray complex. This blockage will often demonstrate itself as personal eccentricities or distortions with regard to self-conscious understanding or acceptance of self.[274]

Those of Q’uo add:

That second energy which is often associated with the belly is the orange ray or second chakra, and within this energy come the difficulties and the dynamics of the self’s journey with the self and the self’s interactions with other selves, one at a time. For the wanderer whose experiences of other selves are often difficult, the orange ray presents the challenge of remaining open in a hostile environment of, as this instrument would say, taking the slings and arrows of challenging fortune and still remaining eager for further contact with people. It is often true that the wanderer will not be completely aware of its difficulties of accepting itself. Therefore, the wanderer will project that difficulty outward and it will then feel that it cannot deal with other people. Yet other people are the mirrors which reflect the self to the self. It would be possible to work through the lessons of love without other entities but it would not be probable. It is the mirrors that touch your life that give you the information you need to turn within, and, little by little, find ways to deepen the love that you have for yourself.[275]

Note that the Ra’s very description of the center is couched in terms of how this energy can be blocked. We are not worried about energy coming into the body. That is set in infinite supply. We are concerned with letting the energy come through each center without hindering its power. The orange ray is the center most concerned with relationships between ourselves and one other person, and our fights with ourselves as we try to become the image we want to appear to be before the world. Its location is in the lower belly. This is an amazingly important center in terms of the benefits of keeping it clear, and the difficulties of doing so. Work done to ease self-consciousness and awkwardness in this center echoes and helps all the higher centers, especially the much-valued ray of the adept, the indigo-ray center. The Q’uo have this to say about the yellow-ray energy center:

Moving up into the solar plexus we find the yellow ray that is the primary ray of this density, that is, the ray within which the greatest work of learning and service can be offered. This is that ray within which wanderers must learn to work within various groups and institutions of your peoples. The yellow-ray difficulties mirror and extend those difficulties of orange ray. However, dealing with group dynamics is in one sense simpler, but in the normal sense far more complex than the dealing of one person with another. Within this energy nations are built and destroyed. Religions are started and abandoned. Peoples move across continents and cultures evolve, mature and fall away. And within each group there is the more balanced and loving and compassionate path. Within this large assortment of groups that each entity will encounter within a lifetime lie the matings, the marriages, the belongings, the revolutions that shape the present and the future. In this energy each comes into deeper contact with the group mind, the national mind, the racial mind and the archetypical mind. This is the seat of power within the entity. This is where the instincts of control and influence dwell. This is the place where the spider builds its web or decides to become another entity. This is the crucible of your lessons in love. [276]

So our lessons in love are couched, in this third density we now experience, as social, yellow-ray work. Those of Ra add:

The third blockage resembles most closely that which you have called ego. It is the yellow-ray or solar plexus center. Blockages in this center will often manifest as distortions toward power manipulation and other social behaviors concerning those close and those associated with the mind/body/spirit complex. Those with blockages in these first three energy centers, or nexi, will have continuing difficulties in ability to further their seeking of the Law of One.[277]

This “Law Of One” has become a buzz word all on its own. Edgar Cayce and our group both received information about this Law Of One, a body of esoteric teaching that those of Ra speak of extensively in the five books of that name that our group received and published, which are footnoted many times in this handbook. I am honored to be part of the group that brought this information through. I could never overstate my sense of that. Most of the material we are covering in this part of this chapter is from this work, and this handbook is full of suggestions and thoughts from the Ra group. However, I have no desire for people to try to form some kind of church or dogmatic group following this material, or our group, in any way. That would seem to me the furthest thing from the thoughts and hopes of those of Ra with regard to this material. What is the Law of One? We may read the material and find out a good deal more, but in general, the Law Of One states that we are all one. Unity is the reality. All other perceptions are illusory. I stay away from the term for the most part because of its buzz word nature, preferring to focus on one point at a time.

The yellow-ray center is located in the upper belly and stomach, and can receive a lot of blockage from our responses to family and work situations, and other situations in which the social groups and society in general have their part. It is easy to be blocked in yellow and orange by the same stimulus or catalyst when a troubled relationship is with a close friend who is also a family member. I spend a small but continual trickle of time spotting and unraveling knots that start right there. I think most of us do, as that is where so much of our learning is, in our relationships.

The center of heart, or green-ray, is the center from which third-density beings may springboard, shall we say, to infinite intelligence. Blockages in this area may manifest as difficulties in expressing what you may call universal love or compassion.[278]

We may read “infinite intelligence” to mean “love,” in the sense of the infinite love of the Creator, and “infinite energy” to mean “light,” in the same creative sense. Both love and light can be magically called by working through the indigo into the violet ray. The heart center that acts as this “springboard” is like the “five gold rings” in the Christmas song, “The Twelve Days Of Christmas.” I have sung this little song from childhood. I find it hard to remember, from year to year, in what verse order the dancers dance and the pipers pipe, but I always remember the “five golden rings.” In the body’s system of energy centers, the heart center is Grand Central Station for positively oriented seekers, because once energy has made it to the heart, the higher energy centers are powered, and the energy coming through is available for higher work or for energy transfers. This is why I so often talk about living with an open heart. If we can get power through this green-ray heart center, we have accomplished a good deal. Those of Q’uo add:

Moving into the heart, the green-ray chakra, that heart energy center, we stop and ask each to think upon the way in which energy works. Now, if there is a tightness, a stringency or a blockage within red, or orange, or yellow, to the extent that that energy is baffled, energy into the heart will not be as much, for there will be the energy bleed-off before the energy of the one Creator reaches the heart center. The energy that reaches this center is, in practice, that energy that the self has available to begin to work upon consciousness. The disciplines of the personality—learning to communicate, learning to find the sacredness of all things—these lessons of love are not well undertaken by those who have not come to some degree of balance within the lower energy centers, and this situation is perhaps the most typically devastating to the wanderer of all situations we could explore, for wanderers yearn so for the vibrations, the feelings and associations of home that they do not have the spirit and the energy to clear those blockages to allow confusion to reign as it will without becoming enmeshed in that sea of confusion.[279]

The blue-ray center is located in the throat. Did we ever wonder why clear communication at times feels so very difficult? Try talking to a family member while both are blocking energy from coming through the orange- and yellow-ray centers, and we find no energy available for that blue-ray, clear communication. Honestly, we don’t want to talk! And what a wonderful thing it is when those rays are cleared, desire is restored and we can speak our minds with heart and humor. Those of Q’uo say:

The blue-ray center of energy streaming is the center which, for the first time, is outgoing as well as inpouring. Those blocked in this area may have difficulty in grasping the spirit/mind complexes of its own entity and further difficulty in expressing such understandings of self. Entities blocked in this area may have difficulties in accepting communication from other mind/body/spirit complexes.[280]

Indigo ray, home of the gateway to intelligent infinity, is located at the brow’s center, and is the ray of work in consciousness. When we can get the rays clear up through the heart ray, we can begin to get in there and do some good spade work in blue and indigo. It is not an easy or simple thing to bring the mind into an awareness of the metaphysical universe. And yet, for wanderers this is our native universe, not the space/time or consensus-reality universe. This is the source of our being seen as abnormal and weird. The rest of the world is dealing with the surface of life without seeing the depths to which we are awake. When we work from the depths upward, the world and the issues of the world fall into place with relative ease. When we analyze situations in terms of energy center blockage, we can see into them, and how to work with them.

The next center is the pineal or indigo-ray center. Those blocked in this center may experience a lessening of the influx of intelligent energy due to manifestations which appear as unworthiness. The indigo-ray balancing is quite central to the type of work which revolves about the spirit complex, which has its influx then into the transformation or transmutation of third density to fourth density, it being the energy center receiving the least distorted outpourings of love/light from intelligent energy and also the potential for the key to the gateway of intelligent infinity.[281]

This violet-ray energy center, located at the crown of the head, is like a spectrographic flower, showing the rainbow of energies that we are receiving, changing and expressing. We cannot work on it. It just is. It contains our energy signatures, our metaphysical names, our essences. Take all else away, and this expression of us would still be complete cosmic identification. Let name and kindred, station and position, career and power, money and society, thoughts and plans go, that violet-ray expression is still us, the distillation of pure us-ness. When Confederation entities speak of appreciating the beauty of our vibrations, they are speaking of this reading or signature of our energy web.

The remaining center of energy influx is simply the total expression of the entity’s vibratory complex of mind, body and spirit. It is as it will be. Balanced or imbalanced has no meaning at this energy level, for it gives and takes in its own balance. Whatever the distortion may be, it cannot be manipulated as can the others and, therefore, has no particular importance in viewing the balancing of an entity.[282]

We look now more closely at this “gateway to intelligent infinity” that those of Ra referred to in speaking of the indigo-ray center:

The indigo ray is that ray worked upon only by the adept, as you would call it. It is the gateway to intelligent infinity bringing intelligent energy through. This is the energy center worked upon in those teachings considered inner, hidden and occult, for this ray is that which is infinite in its possibilities.[283]

There are two terms here, intelligent infinity and intelligent energy. We have identified them as the Creator’s love and light; the creative idea and the light, literally, used to manifest the idea. Here is another definition:

There is unity. This unity is all that there is. This unity has a potential and kinetic. The potential is intelligent infinity. Tapping this potential will yield work. This work has been called by us, intelligent energy.[284]

Further, intelligent infinity can be seen to equal faith:

You are precisely correct in your understanding of the congruency of faith and intelligent infinity; however, one is a spiritual term, the other more acceptable perhaps to the conceptual framework distortions of those who seek with measure and pen.[285]

The seventh ray, the violet-ray energy center, here comes into play:

The violet emanation is, in this context, a resource from which, through indigo, intelligent infinity may be contacted. The radiation thereof will not be violet ray but rather green, blue, or indigo depending upon the nature of the type of intelligence which infinity has brought through into discernible energy. The green-ray type of radiation in this case is the healing, the blue ray the communication and inspiration, the indigo that energy of the adept which has its place in faith.[286]

Intelligent energy, then, is intelligent infinity brought into manifestation from beyond our body’s system of energy:

Intelligent energy is the energy of the Logos, and thus it is the energy which heals, builds, removes, destroys and transforms all other-selves as well as the self.[287]

The eighth density, octave, or energy center of the body would logically be the eighth chakra of the oriental systems which they place just above the head at the crown, colored white. Those of Ra do not speak of it. Logically, however, the gateway would first come from the octave chakra into the violet ray, then into the indigo ray. This gateway to intelligent infinity, when contacted, can bring about many fruits, depending upon the intensity and the nature of the desire of the one contacting the gateway while doing work in consciousness. This can be wonderful. It can also go very awry, as when the Atlanteans made some wrong turns:

The Atlantean race was a very conglomerate social complex which began to form approximately 31,000 years in the past of your space/time continuum illusion. It was a slow-growing and very agrarian one until approximately 15,000 of your years ago. It reached quickly a high technological understanding which caused it to be able to use intelligent infinity in an informative manner. We may add that they used intelligent energy as well, manipulating greatly the natural influxes of the indigo or pineal ray from divine or infinite energy. Thus, they were able to create life forms. This they began to do instead of healing and perfecting their own mind/body/spirit complexes, turning their distortions towards what you may call negative.[288]

The right use of power has ever been a central concern! Be careful working around power lines! The energies of green, blue and indigo are called the higher energy centers for obvious reasons. To have the heart open and energies running clearly and unhindered into the higher triad of energy rays is to be free to do what I call work in consciousness. We will talk much more about this later, for this is work wanderers are naturally drawn to do but are not wise to pursue until the lower triad of energy centers is cleared and balanced and energy is running well into the heart center. And there is another reason for not doing higher center work till lower centers are clear and balanced: our physical health. Note here that “plane” and “level” are used as would be “energy center”:

Questioner: Is it necessary to penetrate one level at a time as we move through these planes?

Ra: I am Ra. It has been our experience that some penetrate several planes at one time. Others penetrate them slowly. Some in eagerness attempt to penetrate the higher planes before penetrating the energies of the so-called more fundamental planes. This causes energy imbalance. You will find ill health, as you call this distortion, to frequently be the result of a subtle mismatch of energies in which some of the higher energy levels are being activated by the conscious attempts of the entity while the entity has not penetrated the lower energy centers or sub-densities of this density.[289]

When energies are blocked, and we are attempting work with another person, the experience varies:

If both entities are blocked, both will have an increased hunger for the same activity, seeking to unblock the baffled flow of energy. If one entity is blocked and the other vibrates in love, the entity baffled will hunger still, but have a tendency to attempt to continue the procedure of satiating the increasing hunger with the one vibrating green ray, due to an impression that this entity might prove helpful in this endeavor. The green-ray active individual shall polarize slightly in the direction of service to others but have only the energy with which it began.[290]

What does a typical wanderer’s aura of colors look like? Those of Ra respond to Don’s question about a perfect third-density being’s aura by describing a wanderer’s. In this particular example, the indigo ray is dimmer than the green ray, and between them lies the brightest of the rays in this aura, the blue ray. Then they say:

This description may be seen to be both unbalanced and in perfect balance. The latter understanding is extremely helpful in dealing with other-selves. The ability to feel blockages is useful only to the healer. There is not properly a tiny fraction of judgment when viewing a balance in colors. Of course when we see many of the energy plexi weakened and blocked, we may understand that an entity has not yet grasped the baton and begun the race. However, the potentials are always there. All the rays fully balanced are there in waiting to be activated. Perhaps another way to address your query is this: in the fully potentiated entity the rays mount one upon the other with equal vibratory brilliance and scintillating sheen until the surrounding color is white. This is what you may call potentiated balance in third-density.[291]

I imagine we shall be a while getting to this point! But we can certainly work with these energies to balance them. Now that we have this picture of the system of energy centers clearly in mind, we can begin to see why those of Ra speak so often in terms of energy transfer. If we are working with the lower energy centers of red, orange and yellow, there is no energy transfer possible. We can impose or force our energy into another at those levels, but we cannot exchange energies in the positive sense, for the heart is not involved yet. Once the heart center is open and receiving unfettered power through the lower centers, energy exchanges become possible. And oh, how good these feel. Those of Q’uo say:

Work in consciousness proceeds from the heart. However, the heart’s energy is entirely a creature of the power, shall we say, that is brought to the heart. Those who wish to skip working on the self in relationships, with regards to issues such as sexuality, survival and so forth, may wish that they could spend all of their time working on communication and consciousness itself, yet unless the energy centers of red, orange and yellow, of survival, self-identification and association with others are addressed, and that with respect, there will be a lessening of the flow of energy into the heart. And one can only work from the heart upward with that energy that has come through to the heart. Those who have experienced the rising of kundalini, that flow of energy up the spine, know that its origin is the root chakra, those organs of generation, reproduction and elimination that together form the great taboo, the great unspoken subject in your culture. Yet there is great need here for much balancing with regard to the issue of life itself. This is strictly red-ray. And so much depends upon that way in which you meet this opportunity for life.[292]

Exchanging from the heart is a healing in itself. Clear communication feels like balm. And sharing at the indigo ray level is a most special and spiritual treat. Those of Ra say:

The spiritual energy transfers are at the heart of all energy transfers, as a knowledge of self and other self as Creator is paramount, and this is spiritual work.[293]

Yes, this is what we all crave getting to. But we are wise not to do so before we have done our work with the lower energies. This is not work that is done once and then left behind, but rather work we do from moment to moment and day by day, refocusing our energies, refinding our centers, rebalancing ourselves many times in the process of our everyday living.

Sexual Energy Transfers

At any moment, then, we are hopeful of meeting that moment with an open heart, and being ready for whatever energy transfers come our way. Energy transfer is the exchange or gift of energy from one entity to another. Positive transfers are felt as gifts of love. Negative transfers are felt as gifts of negative emotions and states of being such as anger, hatred and prejudice. Don Elkins asks those of Ra:

Questioner: Could you tell me of the number of possible energy transfers between two or more mind/body/spirit complexes. Is it very large, or are there few?

Ra: I am Ra. The number is infinite, for is not each mind/body/spirit complex unique?[294]

Two things worth looking at about energy transfers: how hard they are when we begin and why, and how higher chakra energy exchanges differ. Those of Ra say:

After the veiling process,[295] it became infinitely more difficult to achieve green-ray energy transfer due to the great areas of mystery and unknowing concerning the body complex and its manifestations. However, also due to the great shadowing of the manifestations of the body from the conscious mind complex, when such energy transfer was experienced it was likelier to provide catalyst which caused a bonding of self with other-self in a properly polarized configuration. From this point it was far more likely that higher energy transfers would be sought by this mated pair of mind/body/spirit complexes, thus allowing the Creator to know Itself with great beauty, solemnity and wonder. Intelligent infinity having been reached by this sacramental use of this function of the body, each mind/body/spirit complex of the mated pair gained greatly in polarization and in ability to serve.[296]

***

Questioner: With respect to the green, blue and indigo transfers of energy, how would the mechanism for these transfers differ from the orange-ray mechanism in making them possible or setting the groundwork for them?

Ra: The great key to blue, indigo and finally, that great capital of the column of energy transfer, violet energy transfers, is the metaphysical bond or distortion, which has the name among your peoples of unconditional love. In the blue-ray energy transfer, the quality of this love is refined in the fire of honest communication and clarity; this normally takes a substantial portion of your space/time to accomplish although there are instances of matings so well refined in previous incarnations and so well remembered that the blue ray may be penetrated at once. This energy transfer is of great benefit to the seeker in that all communication from this seeker is, thereby, refined and the eyes of honesty and clarity look upon a new world. Such is the nature of blue-ray energy and such is one mechanism of potentiating and crystallizing it. As we approach indigo-ray transfer, we find ourselves in a shadowland. We cannot give you information straight out or plain, for this is seen by us to be an infringement. We cannot speak at all of violet ray transfer as we do not, again, desire to break the Law of Confusion.[297]

The green ray of the heart being open, there is power to the blue ray to refine that love with wisdom, and to the indigo ray, if blue stays open, for the sacred and lovely gifts of spirit. Don asks those of Ra:

Questioner: Could you define this statement, “energy transfer between two mind/body/spirit complexes”?

Ra: We shall give two examples. [In the first energy transfer of which we would speak,] each begins with some sense of the self as Creator or in some way the magical personality being invoked. This may be consciously or unconsciously done. The transfer is subtle and each transfer unique in what is offered and what is accepted. At this point we may note that this is the cause for the infinite array of possible energy transfers.

The second energy transfer of which we would speak is the sexual energy transfer. This takes place upon a non-magical level by all those entities which vibrate green ray active. It is possible, as in the case of this instrument which dedicates itself to the service of the one infinite Creator, to further refine this energy transfer. When the other-self also dedicates itself in service to the one infinite Creator, the transfer is doubled. Then the amount of energy transferred is dependent only upon the amount of polarized sexual energy created and released. There are refinements from this point onward leading to the realm of the high sexual magic.[298]

They also speak of sexual magic here:

The energy transfer occurs in one releasing of the potential difference. This does not leap between green and green energy centers but is the sharing of the energies of each from red ray upwards. In this context it may be seen to be at its most efficient when both entities have orgasm simultaneously. However, it functions as transfer if either has the orgasm and indeed, in the case of the physically expressed love between a mated pair which does not have the conclusion you call orgasm, there is, nonetheless, a considerable amount of energy transferred due to the potential difference which has been raised as long as both entities are aware of this potential and release its strength to each other by desire of the will in a mental or mind-complex dedication. You may see this practice as being used to generate energy transfers in some of your practices of Tantric Yoga.[299]

It is important to note that the sexual energy transfer can take place safely in the non-magical state of mind, the stable waking consciousness. Here we have an important point of ingress into magical energy and personality where it may enter safely into everyday life, with care taken to select a good partner. This is a powerful asset to have. Discussions of energy transfer often end up being discussions of sexual energy transfer, perhaps because of our human delight in sex, but also, I feel, because the red ray is the foundation ray, and everything that we have waiting for us in higher concerns is always given energy and vitalized by good energy through red ray. Nothing makes red ray sparkle like a fulfilling sexual life, or even a so-so sexual life enhanced by the trust, friendship and love of a valued mate. Offhand, one would think that it would be the frequent and many-partnered sex of the swinging single or philandering spouse that would strengthen red ray the best, but actually that tends to deplete the person experiencing this sort of sex, since most often there is no transfer of energy above the lower three chakras. If the heart energy is not involved, there is no likely gift from one’s lover of the sort that strengthens the chakra system, even though one may be offering green-ray energy. An understanding of the metaphysical nature of sex may help:

The energies transferred during the sexual activity are not, properly speaking, of space/time. There is a great component of what you may call metaphysical energy transferred. Indeed, the body complex as a whole is greatly misunderstood, due to the post-veiling assumption that the physical manifestation called the body is subject only to physical stimuli. This is emphatically not so.[300]

This explains so much about the non-staying power of lust, does it not? A person going for the moment with a succession of exchangeable partners is not getting anything energetically, at least not most likely. He is, rather, giving his energy away without finding any home for it, or any gift for himself. This does not keep casual sex from being pleasant, it just explains the quickly vanishing remembrance of it. Compare this to the kind of bonding experiences of real romance and connection in our lives that permeate the memory with their recollection the whole life through. When there are higher energies exchanged, we do know it, however little worldly vocabulary we may have to define or express it. In earlier creations than ours, as more central suns than ours began their experiments in making worlds in which souls could experience life, some did not have the veiling process mentioned above. When souls came into third-density incarnations, they retained full memory of the information they had prior to entering the Earth planes. They knew that all were one. They saw all others as part of themselves. This is nicely veiled from us in our creation. Why?

In the instance of the sexual activity of those not dwelling within the veiling, each activity was a transfer. There were some transfers of strength. Most were rather attenuated in the strength of the transfer due to the lack of veiling. In the third density entities are attempting to learn the ways of love. If it can be seen that all are one being, it becomes much more difficult for the undisciplined personality to choose one mate and, thereby, initiate itself into a program of service. It is much more likely that the sexual energy will be dissipated more randomly without either great joy or great sorrow depending from these experiences. Therefore, the green-ray energy transfer, being almost without exception the case in sexual energy transfer prior to veiling, remains weakened and without significant crystallization.[301]

Our Creator, then, designed this creation so that the knowledge that we all are one, and are all as naturally loved by the self as is the self, would be erased from our conscious minds entirely. This specifically removed the likelihood of energy transfers of a sexual nature at the green ray or above in casual sex. Why?

The harvest from the previous creation was that which included the male and female mind/body/spirit. It was the intention of the original Logoi that entities mate with one another in any fashion which caused a greater polarization. It was determined, after observation of the process of many Logoi, that polarization increased manyfold if the mating were not indiscriminate. Consequent Logoi thusly preserved a bias towards the mated relationship which is more characteristic of more disciplined personalities and of what you may call higher densities. The free will of each entity, however, was always paramount and a bias only could be offered.[302]

In other words, a bias has been built into our bodies’ energy systems by the Creator towards the mated relationship. A mated relationship is work! Guaranteed! But in the school of life, which is a school of love, I feel that the mate is a tremendous prize, easily capable of giving us the catalyst we need to grow more efficiently than anyone else, including ourselves. The mated relationship is a metaphysical fast track. Men, more than women, have traditionally bemoaned the wedded state as that plan which puts him to work for the rest of their lives, paying for the resulting abode, children and life that ensues for their new families. However, it is no longer necessarily the male that is the wage earner, nor is it always true that the mate in charge of the home is the female. This may help make it more clear that, in reality, any relationship is an addition of sorts to the responsibility of both people. The more successful mates can be characterized as tag teams, partners, buddies who get it done. And part of the basis of this is a mutual awareness of the body rightness of this mated state that honors the great luck of finding a mate, and sees that there is much to be gained from being true to this mated bond, not only all-important trust, but also pleasure, union and worship:

Questioner: I am trying to trace the physical flow of the energy to try to get an idea of blockages after the veil.

Ra: I am Ra. In such a schematic representation of the circuitry of two mind/body/spirits or mind/body/spirit complexes in sexual or other energy transfer, the circuit opens always at the red or base center and moves as possible through the intervening energy centers. If baffled, it will stop at orange. If not, it shall proceed to yellow. If still unbaffled, it shall proceed to green. It is well to remember in the case of the mind/body/spirit that the chakras or energy centers could well be functioning without crystallization.

Questioner: In other words, they would be functioning but it would be equivalent in an electrical circuitry to having a high resistance, shall we say, and although the circuit would be complete, red through green, the total quantity of energy transferred would be less. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. We might most closely associate your query with the concept of voltage. The uncrystallized, lower centers cannot deliver the higher voltage. The crystallized centers may become quite remarkable in the high voltage characteristics of the energy transfer as it reaches green ray and indeed as green ray is crystallized this also applies to the higher energy centers until such energy transfers become an honestation for the Creator.[303]

So it would seem that we are intended by the Creator to be drawn to each other, bond with each other in green ray and above sexual energy transfer, and thusly create our chief opportunity for service and learning for the balance of our incarnations. The rewards, energetically and metaphysically speaking, are clear. We have developed, then, a picture of ourselves as energetic beings. As we begin a discussion of the densities of experience, we will see that there are inner planes, or inner densities, and that we have finer bodies that correspond to these inner sub-densities.

The mind complex has a relationship to the spirit and body complexes which is not fixed. Thus blockages may occur betwixt spirit and mind, or body and mind, upon many different levels. We reiterate that each energy center has seven sub-colors, let us say, for convenience. Thus spiritual/mental blockages combined with mental/bodily blockages may affect each of the energy centers in several differing ways. Thus you may see the subtle nature of the balancing and evolutionary process.[304]

For those of us drawn to further explore: Buddhists, magicians and Theosophists, among many others, delight in exploration of such things, and I encourage your further reading of their wide resources. Inner planes research has many implications both metaphysically and in terms of bodily health of a more subtle nature. These energy centers and sub-centers are at the heart of our system of being and manifestation of energy in incarnation on planet Earth, and throughout our experience as souls and citizens of eternity. Those of Ra have one more way to look at us as creatures. They call us mind/body/spirit complexes:

Questioner: Would you define mind, body and spirit separately?

Ra: I am Ra. These terms are all simplistic descriptive terms which equal a complex of energy focuses; the body, as you call it, being the material of the density which you experience at a given space/time or time/space; this complex of materials being available for distortions of what you would call physical manifestation.

The mind is a complex which reflects the in-pourings of the spirit and the up-pourings of the body complex. It contains what you know as feelings, emotions and intellectual thoughts in its more conscious complexities. Moving further down the tree of mind we see the intuition which is of the nature of the mind more in contact or in tune with the total beingness complex. Moving down to the roots of mind we find the progression of consciousness which gradually turns from the personal to the racial memory, to the cosmic influxes, and thus becomes a direct contactor of that shuttle which we call the spirit complex.

This spirit complex is the channel whereby the in-pourings from all of the various universal, planetary and personal inpourings may be funneled into the roots of consciousness and whereby consciousness may be funneled to the gateway of intelligent infinity through the balanced intelligent energy of body and mind. You will see by this series of definitive statements that mind, body and spirit are inextricably intertwined and cannot continue, one without the other. Thus we refer to the mind/body/spirit complex rather than attempting to deal with them separately, for the work, shall we say, that you do during your experiences is done through the interaction of these three components, not through any one.[305]

The body complex receives most of its power from the red ray, though it can be blocked in orange ray very easily, and can be affected by all chakras but the violet-ray center. The mind complex receives energy and energy blockage from all six lower centers, and the spirit works first with the indigo and violet rays, and from there back into green, blue and indigo. All of these energy paths lie within our physical body and its finer bodies. We are beings of energy, bundles or fields of energy living in an energetic universe. We are not simple creatures, but beings of energy living in an energetic universe. When the centers of energy held within our mind/body/spirit complex are in balance, we are beings which receive, transmute and transmit energy.

As the seeker is able to regularize the thoughts, desires, actions and words that proceed from its being, and to focus these energies in a manner that partakes of service to others toward a positive polarity, the entity is making of itself, and more specifically the energy centers or chakras of the metaphysical self, a kind of crystal that accepts the white light of the one Creator and defracts it in a balanced fashion so that each energy center lends its distinctive coloration of vibration and yields again the white light.[306]

Metaphysically speaking, all is energy, and this is our nature as well. I have found, many times over, what a help this awareness is in addressing the challenges of the moment. This is one place where the intellectual mind can find fruitful work to do. Analyze our concern in terms of where the energy is, where it is blocked, and where we hope to take it, and we may find substantial aid.

Reincarnation

We are fields of energy, beings of energies. That is how we work. And what is our environment? On Earth, it is to be in this lifetime, this body, this incarnation. Beneath the surface reality, the consensus reality that seems so genuine, we can see ourselves, metaphysically speaking, as entities involved in an illusion built of space and time, a physical illusion in which we are experiencing life at this time. The traditional Western assumption is that this is our one and only lifetime, and that we will be judged at the end of it by our God. Indeed, there is evidence that this was not always the Judaeo-Christian dogma, that reincarnation was an accepted part of hagiocosmology until the early church fathers determined the belief in reincarnation to be deleterious to the making of a maximum spiritual effort in this life. I do not defend their lies, but the church fathers had a point, and I would not agree that since one will be reincarnated, one need not pay much attention to this present life. Making a solid effort in this particular present life and moment of opportunity is important, in my opinion.

However I have come to feel, over long decades of experience with many, many people and lots of regressive hypnotic evidence that has passed my eyes, that reincarnation is actually the way our universe works in its way of evolving souls. We have a harvest of lessons learned and unlearned at the end of a lifetime. Between incarnations, we look at that harvest, and plan our next lifetime, in its broad strokes. We build on what we feel we have learned, and place relationships and circumstances in our way that we wish to work upon further. When we enter the birth process, we forget all that we have planned, and the darkness of Earth consciousness descends. In that dim light, we work all our lives, again attempting to learn our lessons of love, again working on difficult relationships and challenging issues that span many incarnations. We develop desires, and through time, fulfill each desire, until we have satisfied ourselves at the table of third-density life. We do not move on until we are entirely ready to move on. If one set of three minor cycles, the 75,000 years of the major cycle of third density, is not enough for us, we simply repeat the grade, one, two or three minor cycles, again. And if necessary, again, so that as long as we wish third-density experience, it will be here for us. For some wanderers, remembering other lifetimes is already their experience:

I am forty nine and have been in this searching since thirteen years old. I remember my first déjà-vu at the age of four. It was so simple. I remembered doing what I was doing before.[307]

***

When we left Halifax in February, 1941, on the troopship Warwick Castle, I looked down from the poop deck and was thrilled by the powerful screws churning the water: it was a profound sense of identification and renewal. It stayed with me throughout the crossing, especially during the days of the great Atlantic storm, which shattered the convoy, and left us alone wallowing in the sixty-foot mountains of green, sliding sea, with a foot of water on all five decks. Years, later, when I learned about reincarnation, I felt that I had probably been a sailor at least once to have felt this resonance.[308]

***

Once or twice when I’ve been gazing into my reflection, the reflection changed into a face I didn’t recognize as human. It was a dim reflection, so I couldn’t see it in great detail, but it was definitely not human.[309]

This may sound especially far-fetched, but I have sat in regressive sessions with a man who found himself to be a large, white bird, but with a human consciousness. He was an Atlantean who had been involved with the creation of hybrid species through the misuse of crystal technology, he discovered within the sessions. I think there are nightmares in many people’s lives that are probably dimly remembered experiences from other incarnations, things so terrible that they have bled through into the present lifetime. Another common experience is having a predisposing weakness in an area of the body that was traumatized in an earlier lifetime. Always, when working with such difficulties, remember that to forgive the past is to heal the present. Those of Ra speak about reincarnation:

Questioner: When the 75,000 year cycle started, the life span was approximately nine hundred years, average. What was the process and scheduling mechanism, shall I say, of reincarnation at that time, and how did the time in between incarnations into third-density physical apply to the growth of the mind/body/spirit complex?

Ra: I am Ra. This query is more complex than most. We shall begin. The incarnation pattern of the beginning third-density mind/body/spirit complex begins in darkness, for you may think or consider of your density as one of, as you may say, a sleep and a forgetting. This is the only plane of forgetting. It is necessary for the third-density entity to forget so that the mechanisms of confusion or free will may operate upon the newly individuated consciousness complex.

Thus, the beginning entity is one in all innocence oriented towards animalistic behavior using other-selves only as extensions of self for the preservation of the all-self. The entity becomes slowly aware that it has needs, shall we say, that are not animalistic; that is, that are useless for survival. These needs include: the need for companionship, the need for laughter, the need for beauty, the need to know the universe about it. These are the beginning needs.

As the incarnations begin to accumulate, other needs are discovered: the need to trade, the need to love, the need to be loved, the need to elevate animalistic behaviors to a more universal perspective.

During the first portion of third-density cycles, incarnations are automatic and occur rapidly upon the cessation of the energy complex of the physical vehicle. There is small need to review or to heal the experiences of the incarnation. As, what you would call, the energy centers begin to be activated to a higher extent, more of the content of experience during incarnation deals with the lessons of love. Thus the time, as you may understand it, between incarnations is lengthened to give appropriate attention to the review and the healing of experiences of the previous incarnation. At some point in third density, the green-ray energy center becomes activated and at that point incarnation ceases to be automatic.

Questioner: When incarnation ceases to be automatic I am assuming that the entity can decide when he needs to incarnate for the benefit of his own learning. Does he also select his parents?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.[310]

So when we start out as third-density beings, we are still relating to other selves as either the family and part of the tribe, or other than the tribe and to be defended against. The lessons of love are all ahead. Slowly, through many lifetimes, we discover more and more of who we are, as spiritual beings, as ethical creatures able to choose right over wrong, and forgiveness over revenge. Very slowly, we become more and more able to see ourselves in the people we meet, and the people we meet in ourselves. We begin to think beyond defending the self and family, and create opportunities for learning and service by how we treat ourselves and other people, and how we choose to share our gifts. And we do it all against a background of “a sleep and a forgetting,” a perfect unknowing, so that our choice to live a life in faith is a pure one. It is a tremendous challenge, and we can see Earth, in this regard, as a distillery of sorts, a refiner of souls. We come into life as a rough-hewn piece of lode-filled rock, and our life is spent in the tempering fire and under the clever chisel of catalyst and experience, finding, smoothing and polishing the faces of our inner gems and removing impurities. We hope to learn much in each lifetime, although we undoubtedly have had varying degrees of success in various of our previous experiences with incarnation. Those of Q’uo speak of these lessons of incarnation:

Before the incarnation began, each seeker gazed upon the life to come as though it were a gem, a ruby, an opal, a diamond, with each facet fascinating and pure in its lucid power. Each of you held this gem of incarnation in your figurative hand and gazed upon it with joy and eagerness to begin. Before incarnation the pattern was there for you to see in all of its detail.[311]

What a luxury that would be within incarnation, to see the gem within rather than to have to take the worth of the self on faith. But it is just this state of unknowing we sought, in order to better attend to the choices of this present life. This system of reincarnation is a facet of the teachings of those of Ra that has been a comfort to wanderers who have written me:

My belief in reincarnation has buoyed me through the dying experiences that are often a source of burnout or emotional/spiritual detachment from the residents for the staff in the Home. The residents have been incredible teachers/catalysts for me as they talk with me about their lives, dying, family, beliefs, etc., as they go through the letting go of life, the life review process, some with the support of family and friends, some alone except for the staff, most dealing with pain or sorrow in some form or another.[312]

The Veil Of Forgetting

Sensitive 131 is fighting the “sleep and forgetting” of the veil as she says:

I think that overcoming this forgetfulness is a huge, maybe impossible thing to do. I know I entered this incarnation with an agenda and then promptly forgot it. Is there a way to recapture those lost memories and not keep losing them? On the other hand, if I knew everything already, life would lose its mystery and intrigue. Half the fun is the struggle to unravel it, looking for clues in dreams and synchronicities and meditative states.[313]

And even if the wanderer does succeed in penetrating the veil, there remains an insurmountable problem which we share with all humans: the physical body:

In the case of wanderers which seek to recapitulate the degree of adeptness which each had acquired previous to this life experience, we may note that even after the forgetting process has been penetrated, there is still the yellow-activated body which does not respond as does the adept which is of a green- or blue-ray activated body. Thusly, you may see the inevitability of frustrations and confusion due to the inherent difficulties of manipulating the finer forces of consciousness through the chemical apparatus of the yellow-ray activated body.[314]

Let us look at what the veil is:

The veil of forgetting is a phenomenon which is occurring and is utilized only within the third density so that a choice of paths might be made at this point in the evolutionary path. Thus, the existence of a divided mind, that which is conscious and that which is below or subconscious, is possible only with the veil of forgetting in place which occurs, as we have mentioned, only within the third density.[315]

A full discussion of densities turns up in the next chapter. This question occurred to Don Elkins:

Questioner: Is the veil supposed to be what I would call semi-permeable?

Ra: I am Ra. The veil is indeed so.[316]

If the veil is semi-permeable, what penetrates through it? The most common penetrator of this opacity of the subconscious mind is dreams:

The goal of the seeker is not specifically to remove the veil, but rather through a series of experiences to form a carefully protected shuttle, shall we say, through that veil which may be used by faith and will in order that the deeper self may speak in language clearer than dreams usually are. For, indeed, the veil is, without any effort on the seeker’s part, made somewhat transparent through the dreaming process. It is a diaphanous rather than a completely opaque veil. This veil then is to be seen as an ally, as the seeker either with joy or without it moves through the lessons, and as this instrument would say, the recesses and the vacations of an incarnational experience.[317]

Meditation and the unconditional love generated by the adept or mature spiritual seeker are also penetrators of the veil:

As we talk to you about reincarnation, we wish to not downplay the experiences of the past, but reassure each entity that when [memories of] past experiences become a necessity, they will float into the conscious mind through dreams, or most especially through meditation. In general, we may say that it is not helpful in a deep way to know past life experiences, but rather it is helpful in terms of your desire to accelerate your process of spiritual evolution, to be more and more sensitive to the promptings of your intuition, your feelings and your heart, thus becoming more and more sensitive to those energies that are passing between you and those about you. Thus, if you find yourself at odds with a co-worker, a friend, a companion or a loved one, it is well to move into meditation, asking and releasing the question of where the balances of love and service have gone awry in this particular instance, and more than that, how you may bring love back into manifestation within the circumstance, how balance may be restored, how love may thrive.[318]

And lastly, for those who want to charge the gate, there is the rather blunt instrument of regressive hypnosis. Information gained from regression sessions is most interesting, at least it has been so to me. But it raises unanswerable questions about the nature of the experiences “remembered.” I continue to question whether these seeming memories of past lives that I have retrieved by hypnosis are linear, literal or created by some inner storyteller. Whatever our conclusions as to hypnosis, what we have, then, for sure, is the precious time of this incarnation in which to find our deepest selves, seeking through the veil:

For the individual, a way out of this endless cycle, the first step, is perhaps to say: “Maybe there is something to this reincarnation business.” Then, every day, ask but two questions: 1) Who am I? and 2) What am I doing here? both in the most sincere way possible, to understand the answer and correct behavior.[319]

A way out of this endless cycle of reincarnation? Eventually! Which leads us to a consideration of karma.

Karma

The companion concept to reincarnation is karma. Don asks for a definition:

Ra: I am Ra. Our understanding of karma is that which may be called inertia. Those actions which are put into motion will continue using the ways of balancing until such time as the controlling or higher principle which you may liken unto your braking or stopping is invoked. This stoppage of the inertia of action may be called forgiveness. These two concepts are inseparable.[320]

Fiona Forsythe, a lady with much strength and humor, passes this anonymous definition on:

The Law of Life:

Whatever you give away today or think or say or do

Will multiply about tenfold and then return to you.

It may not come immediately nor from the obvious source,

But the Law applies unfailingly through some invisible force.

Whatever you feel about another, be it love or hate or passion,

Will surely bounce right back to you in some clear or secret fashion.

If you speak about some person, a word of praise or two.

Soon tons of other people will speak kind words to you.[321]

What stops the momentum of karma? Forgiveness:

Questioner: If an entity develops what is called karma in an incarnation, is there then programming that sometimes occurs so that he will experience catalysts that will enable him to get to a point of forgiveness, thereby alleviating the karma?

Ra: I am Ra. This is, in general, correct. However, both self and any involved other-self may, at any time through the process of understanding, acceptance and forgiveness, ameliorate these patterns. This is true at any point in an incarnative pattern. Thus one who has set in motion an action may forgive itself and never again make that error. This also brakes or stops what you call karma.[322]

It is most important to keep our energy centers clear and balanced! Unfortunately, we cannot clear another’s karma. We can only forgive for our own part:

Many, many years before now, you set into motion, by choice, patterns of behavior and thinking that were not helpful to you, and that you now see as not only unnecessary, or unproductive, but hurtful and harming, and you wish to heal. Forgiveness is that which stops what this instrument calls the wheel of karma. Karma may in this sense be defined as inertia, an action put into effect and never forgiven. Now, can you forgive another and have that power to cease the inertia of karma for another? Not at all. When you forgive another, you do not affect the other, unless he chooses to observe the difference in your attitude. You are working upon the only thing in this universe which you can work on: yourself. Part of forgiveness is forgiving others. The further part is forgiving all the situations which created this pattern. Some of you are more aware of past lives than others, and for those of you who trace the pattern that is unhelpful to what you would call the karma of a past life, know that there is no karma or inertia which is not braked completely and stopped forever by unconditional forgiveness, of the other, of the situations and of yourself.[323]

In addition to forgiveness, which is largely an indigo-ray working, the gift of blue-ray energy, clear communication, also helps stop the wheel of karma:

When in communion with others of like mind, the experience of each becomes a resource of all. This is the beginning of a social memory complex. Each may then be teacher to each by reflecting that person’s image back faithfully, honestly and clearly, without prejudice of any kind. This is what is to be hoped for in companionship. That friend which is true and wishes to serve will tell the exact truth as it knows it, will encourage, exhort and caution when those feelings spontaneously come over one, will in fact be a living mirror for those within the community. This is an excellent and organic and, as far as we are concerned, most normal and healthful way, of achieving an acceleration in spiritual growth, especially for those who are wanderers, and wishing to remove all karma before the physical death of this life.[324]

It is helpful to end this incarnation with balanced karma, if we want to avoid being accepted into another major cycle of 75,000 years repeating this third density experience:

The challenge/danger of the wanderer is that it will forget its mission, become karmically involved, and thus be swept into the maelstrom of which it had incarnated to avert the destruction.[325]

We came into this density with balanced karma:

We have all come with balanced karma, but we will not leave unless that karma remains balanced. Consequently, we urge each to remember always that you are here to love and to accept love, to be wise and accept wisdom, to feel the time, to feel the space that is the appropriate time for each thing.[326]

And what builds karma faster than desire!

As to the imaging of that which you desire, we exhort you to be extremely careful, as you create what you desire and focus upon it, for you shall receive it. However, there is always, as in many of your myths and fairy tales, the difficulty of attempting to control what occurs. The difficulty is this: for every desire there are unsatisfactory side effects which will occur when the desire has been met. You are then involved in an unbalanced fashion, and some call this karma, with that which you have created as a life and desired within the life pattern.[327]

Write this word deeply into our consciousnesses: forgive! We are bound to develop desires, and to use our will to seek after those desires, whether they be for things worldly or hallowed, for possessions, attributes or the lack of them, and as we achieve our desires, we will find the side effects of each and every one. We will wrong others, for the most part unintentionally, but still, we will err, and others will wrong us, whether they mean to or not. We generally are simply moving too quickly, and judging people and situations too hastily:

It is not usual that entities who are rushing through life have any conscious intention of behaving or providing catalyst in a service to self or negatively-oriented manner. Indeed, the rationale for moving without rhythm, but simply as quickly as possible, is that of service to others, that the utmost be done, and all of the things that are done are intended to be of service to others.[328]

We will make mistakes. This is an inevitable and a helpful process; it is the mechanism of the way we learn as souls. The key to advancement is forgiveness of error. 292, a deeply thoughtful scientist and therapist, ponders the karma of activism:

A question I have is, how can we more fully accept and work with pain and suffering and fear, which is often associated with others’ pain, suffering and fear, lovingly and wisely, so that the Creator is served and individuals’ free will choices are regarded? When we experience pain or fear, especially from something we perceive as the result of another’s action or choice, it is sometimes difficult to know whether one best serves by restoring balance in silent faith and accepting fully the other’s way, or by trying to exert some influence. Along these lines, politics is a very puzzling, bewildering subject and the same dilemma relates, trying to walk a balance between not infringing on peoples’ free will and not passively accepting a destructive practice or activity.[329]

This is certainly a valid concern. But according to those of Q’uo, if our work in activism or in private affairs is intended to be healing, we are OK:

There is no karma involved in the work of healing, per se, for the healer works upon itself, attempting so to balance and empower its personality, if you will, in such a stable and open condition that the opportunity can be offered to the patient for healing.[330]

The healer works upon the self! There it is again. Our work is always and ever upon ourselves. If we hope to heal or be a healing influence in the outer world, whether to a single soul or to a tribal, national or global group, our first patient is ourselves.

Catalyst And Experience

We are beginning to fill in this sketch of ourselves and our place in the evolving universe. We have located ourselves within this incarnation, our present opportunity for work in accelerating the pace of our spiritual evolution. We can see the outworking of karma in the challenges that come to us in life. These challenges always have themes. For each of us, the themes may differ somewhat. Often, there is the incarnational lesson of learning to offer love unconditionally, to give without expectation of return, an incarnational lesson of my own that I have seen cyclically repeated in relationships throughout my life, first with my parents, then with mates and more distant family members. My parents and the mates who took me for granted are gone, and my present mate is without any significant error that I can see, but I do still have those relationships where I am taken for granted. The challenge is much easier for me now because I identified it decades ago, and have more and more consciously come to see it arise when it happens. I no longer fight it. I acknowledge it, and tune my instrument, just as I do for channeling, when I am about to put myself in that situation. I am still blindsided once in a while, but not as often, and not as painfully. Those of Q’uo say that the challenge and friction come from emotion, desire or bias:

The stronger the emotional bias, the more intensity there is noted within the learning opportunity. That is to say, the greater the emotion, the greater the bias, and the more obvious the lesson which is being presented to the seeker, for there is but one response to any catalyst within your illusion that reflects a balanced point of view. That response, as you know well, is love or compassion. When any other emotion is noted within the mind/body/spirit complex of the self, then the seeker may assume there is catalyst there to be processed in order that a balancing may occur.[331]

We can almost count on the fact that we have chosen more incarnational lessons than the minimum requirements for a lifetime. It all looks so much easier from outside the veil!

Now, we all know how the eyes can be larger then the stomach, how that incarnational plate may have been loaded generously. Nevertheless, it is to be remembered that there is nothing intrinsically mischievous or wicked about the lessons that fly before you in the gale of experience as you experience it. No matter how fierce the winds and storms may seem, they are as you yourself wished them to be in terms of that which was inevitably going to be dealt with as you lived through this incarnational time.[332]

It’s never-ending because it is, by nature, wearyingly constant:

For each catalyst, each experience, each event within your illusion has the ability to temper the heart of the seeker, shall we say, the will of the seeker, the faith of the seeker. There is within frustration an inevitable rededication of the self to seeking, for the temptation is to stop, to quit, to rest, to have done with it.[333]

And so the advice is to take it slow and easy:

As you receive your catalyst, bless it and break yourself open to receive it with the most love of which you are capable in a stable manner. Do not move yourself beyond that which you can do without damage to yourself. Do not ask that which you are not ready for of yourself, but rather be sensitive to the opportunities that these negative feelings, so called, of guilt bring rise to.[334]

It seems incredible in a way that the everyday experience we have is ample to offer us the catalyst we need for the most advanced spiritual learning and realization, but it is so:

Using catalyst is something the seeker cannot avoid. This illusion of yours is created to make evasion of catalyst impossible and full use of catalyst improbable. This illusion leans upon imperfection and forces the mind and the emotions to gaze at that which is not perfect in appearance. This false world-view is designed to be that backdrop against which the common life with its suffering may become a life incandescent with the seeker’s joyful acceptance and eagerness to pursue the processes of change.[335]

From our beginnings within incarnation as children, we gradually begin to become aware of the cyclical nature of these “themes” of catalyst which we see again and again throughout the life:

You cannot truly make a mistake, for whatever road upon which you turn, you shall meet your catalyst again and again until you recognize it, love it, forgive it and move beyond it. You are queens and kings, rulers of yourselves, all of you royal. Remember who you are, remember your birthright and remember that you live in a spiritual democracy where each entity is precisely, mathematically equal. The differences within the illusion come from your use of will through faith.[336]

Unfortunately, catalyst still takes us by surprise quite often:

All that you perceive is perceived as catalyst unconsciously. By the, shall we say, time that the mind begins its appreciation of catalyst, that catalyst has been filtered through the veil and in some cases much is veiled in the most apparently clear perception.[337]

We can, then, plan on finding ourselves in the middle of catalyst, recognizing it, and desiring to work on it. Those of Q’uo suggest that we remember how catalyst works, when we find ourselves in the midst of it:

When you can win through in a confused situation to a remembrance, a memory of the way catalyst works, of the process in which you are taking part, you will be more able to move smoothly, gracefully and cooperatively into doing the work at hand, without condemnation of self or of others, forgiving completely that which this density of experience confers upon each and every sentient citizen of eternity.[338]

They suggest that we not even try to avoid it:

The one who believes that by changing the situation, he will change his experience is following a false belief, for those lessons which each came to learn are for each, shall we say, a list of priorities. When catalyst comes to a seeker, it is a sure thing that there is a lesson connected with the learning of the nature of love which working through the catalyst will benefit so that you may become richer in experience and more conscious with the consciousness of love.[339]

I think a synonym for “catalyst” might be “suffering”:

The suffering, the questioning, the doubting, the pain and agony of all that you experience is for one thing: to hollow you and to focus that emptiness so that it is ready to receive.[340]

And yet this suffering is a path which points its own way out:

The path of sorrow, then, is that path which nearly all experience, nearly all the time, within incarnation. Misery, anger, grief, all the uncomfortable emotional and mental states, create a necessity for seeking some means of relief. The limitations are there because the nature of the choice is such that the surface illusion can be seen by the seeker to be an illusion. And it is through the growing discomfort of catalyst, of loss and limitation, that the wayward spirit is finally alert to the need for discipline.[341]

Much more about this discipline in Chapter Seven, on metaphysical work.

The partner of catalyst is experience. If catalyst is what we walk into unawares, experience is what we receive from the harvest of that catalyst, plus the work we do in shaping our response to that catalyst. As we go, we find that Don’s 180-degree rule truly serves: what seems bad is good:

As the seeker begins to gain experience, it discovers that the worldly sight, excellent as it is for the things of the physical universe, can tell lies if the physical sight is taken to equal spiritual sight as well. The spiritual self will look at the situation where all the things of the world are had in plenty and be able to see those imbalances, lacks and hungers that lie just below the surface of the illusion and that greatly change the truth that is seen. The spiritual self sees the riches of the world as poverty and sees the naked and vulnerable spirit in all its poverty as riches. To the spiritual eye the concepts such as death, limitation, emergency, catastrophe, fear and terror are not necessarily bad things. The riches for the spiritual self lie in every circumstance, those perceived as negative perhaps more than those perceived as positive by the physical self.[342]

This reversal of attitude and embrace of the suffering of processing catalyst delivers to the seeker her own inner child again:

Thus, your experiences become a part of you and as you progress in your journey of seeking you will find that this blending of experience occurs most easily when there is as little resistance and as great vulnerability to it as you can stably withstand and accept within your being. It is not easy to place oneself within the swirling waters of change, for it is easy to believe that one may drown or be washed ashore in a distant location unfamiliar to the present self. However, we can assure each of you that you have placed within your incarnational patterns these opportunities for rebirth of this childlike self that laughs with glee at all catalyst that it perceives, looking at the world as [a] place in which there is endless opportunity for experience and excitement.[343]

To this childlike self, experience brings joy and love:

Why rejoice? Why give thanks and praise? Because the greatest energy of all is always the same: love is always the over-mastering power and Creator. No matter what the experience, praise, joy and thanks are appropriate. When one can, even for a moment, see and feel the truth of the turning to love above all things then shall healing truly multiply.[344]

One way in which we are less skillful in working with catalyst is in repressing our pain mentally. This can lead to illness:

Questioner: I will make a statement then of my understanding and ask you if I am correct. There is a, what I would call, physical catalyst operating at all times upon the entities in third density. It is a catalyst which acts through what we call pain and emotion. Is the primary reason for the weakening of the physical body and the elimination of body hair, etc. so that this catalyst would act more strongly upon the mind and therefore create the evolutionary process?

Ra: I am Ra. This is not entirely correct, although closely associated with the distortions of our understanding. Consider, if you will, the tree for instance. It is self-sufficient. Consider, if you will, the third-density entity. It is self-sufficient only through difficulty and deprivation. It is difficult to learn alone for there is a built-in handicap, at once the great virtue and the great handicap of third density. That is the rational/intuitive mind. Thus, the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call it, was designed to distort entities towards a predisposition to deal with each other. Thus, the lessons which approach a knowing of love can be begun. This catalyst then is shared between peoples as an important part of each self’s development as well as the experiences of the self in solitude and the synthesis of all experience through meditation. The quickest way to learn is to deal with other-selves. This is a much greater catalyst than dealing with the self. Dealing with the self without other-selves is akin to living without what you would call mirrors. Thus, the self cannot see the fruits of its beingness. Thus, each may aid each by reflection. This is also a primary reason for the weakening of the physical vehicle, as you call the physical complex.[345]

Kathy Braden rejoices in her free will as she sets her sights on working on catalyst through relationships:

Some say we choose our course before entering a given lifetime, the people to parent us, the circumstances of our birth, the people we will share our life with this go round, set up by our higher selves as we choose to enter the world for a given lesson, but still there is choice to create day to day the reality that is our life experience. I cannot think of a greater gift [than] this free will.[346]

Relationships are a primary teacher to us in offering us grist for the mill:

Those things which most distress you about others are those things which are the reflection of yourself, and in those things you may see a distorted version of that which is occurring within you. Thus, each relationship is like a mirror in time that moves with you along that river, showing to you your own face in a biased manner which may provide catalyst so that you may work upon the self.[347]

It may be easily seen, then, that good friends and mates are a prize indeed, for they will be working on their own catalyst and experience in ways that we can understand and share:

It is well upon such a journey to travel with a companion of similar desire that wishes above all else with you to make this journey of seeking, of learning and of service, for those who are of a like mind will far more surely find those clues within the catalyst that point the direction for the next step, and those who travel together will experience their catalyst and processing of same in an unique fashion, with one utilizing the intensity of experience at a time perhaps when the other has less intensity, so that there might be assistance given from one to another.[348]

One last bit of advice: just be ourselves:

That which is most helpful to an entity in utilizing the catalyst of the daily round of activities is the spontaneous and unrehearsed thought, word or deed which is carried out to its logical or appropriate conclusion, then reflected upon in a conscious fashion and utilized within the meditative state, so that any biases that are not deemed consonant with the highest ideals of the seeker might be noted and marked for future reference, so that the lesson which is embodied might be clarified and a certain set of actions might be associated with that lesson.[349]

Life will put our nose to the grindstone of learning again and again, offering us the catalyst that will snag our attention and give us work to do in transmuting raw catalyst into burnished experience. This is archetypal work, this sifting of incoming data to find the gems of truth and life. It is work we will be involved with each day of our lives, as awakened spirits using third density to our utmost ability. I wish each of us refreshed spirits and hungry appetites for chewing it all up! This planet is a great place, but we are ready to move on, and this is the way towards more pleasant lessons! Right through the thick of things!

Chapter Six: A Little Cosmology/Eine Kleine Kosmologie

The Densities Of Experience

The densities of experience are a series of environments, from the first through the seventh density, each succeeding density designed to function to offer us material for the evolution of our bodies, minds and spirits. Each density or grade has inner or thought planes and outer or physical planes. Supposedly we are now in third density. But what is a density, exactly? Various disciplines use the word in different ways. The dictionary definition of density is the quality of being dense, close or compact or the quantity or number of something per unit. In physics it is defined as the ratio of the mass of an object to its volume. A trustworthy Ra/Larson scholar, Bruce Peret, makes a distinction between the thought planes and the outer planes:

What I understood from The Ra Material is that “density” is a measurement of the overall complexity of some structure, form or entity, in a temporal, rather than spatial, sense. To use Ra terms, the density of an object is the “size of the time/space” it occupies, whereas the volume is the “size of the space/time” it occupies.[350]

Bruce is using the Ra’s terms, space/time for the physical universe, and time/space for the metaphysical or cosmic universe. He’s saying that he does not think the Ra group’s term, “density,” refers to the normal, physical universe at all, but rather to the metaphysical universe which interpenetrates our physical world. Since I feel that all of us who are awakened spiritually have become denizens of the metaphysical or inner universe, this distinction means that we are looking at density as a metaphysical measure of light. Further, Bruce says, these densities or quanta of light are not all the same light:

The discrete domains of light that Ra refers to are misleading, because “light” is a bit more complex on the higher densities than it is here on the third, the one we are all very familiar with. A third-density photon is not the same thing as a sixth- density photon. There is more of a change than just “frequency.”[351]

In each density of creation, particles contain a certain density of light. The higher the density, the more densely packed with light a light beam or photon is. The more densely packed the light, the more intelligent energy is available within it. Those of Q’uo say about higher densities:

The very word, density, is misleading, for it would somehow suggest that each succeeding density is more pallid or frail. The opposite, however, is true in that each density further than the last there is a higher density of light.[352]

Bruce adds:

Your “densities” are basically groupings of levels of complexity. First density is the simplest form, inanimate matter, “body.” When “mind” joins “body” into a body/mind complex, second density is reached, and we see it as simple life forms, plants. When “spirit” gets in the act, we have our existence, the mind/body/spirit complex: third density (three connected components), the animal kingdom, and a very complex entity. This is the way evolution increases complexity. And “density” is a measurement of complexity. To put it simply, the more “ingredients” in the soup of dimensions interacting to form an entity, the more complex the recipe is, and thus the higher its “density.” And Ra has a pretty simple kitchen, only seven major ingredients: the seven dimensions forming the first through seventh densities.[353]

So our third-density light has three aspects or dimensions within its photon, which Bruce calls body light, mind light and spirit light, and which I would call beingness light, consciousness light and self-awareness light. In each succeeding density, the light contains the characteristics from earlier densities, but places them within the new photon’s dimensional signature. The fourth-density addition, then, would be love light, the fifth ingredient, understanding light, the sixth density, unity light, and the seventh density would add completion light or the gateway to intelligent infinity light. But for short, they are all light, the basic building block of each density being the photon of that density. Bruce’s very interesting letter on “densities” as used by the Ra includes this provocative thought, which places our minds or consciousnesses which survive the bodily death in time/space, and therefore specifically sets us as metaphysical entities in the time/space or metaphysical sector:

When I started to use The Ra Material to extend Larsonian physics, one of the things I discovered was that time/space, which Larson refers to as the Cosmic Sector, is what Ra calls “mind” in the body/mind/spirit complex, body being space/time. Therefore, “density” also refers to the capacity of the mind, versus the capacity of the physical brain.[354]

Again, I would use the term, “consciousness,” rather than “mind,” to differentiate between the good old workhorse of the physical brain and the eternal and metaphysical mind which becomes Creator as it fully realizes itself through these densities. Don is investigating the nature of the densities as he asks:

Questioner: I understand that the first density is composed of core atomic vibrations that are in the red spectrum, second in the orange, et cetera. Am I to understand that the core vibrations of our planet are still in the red and that second-density beings are still in the orange at this space/time right now and that each density as it exists on our planet right now has a different core vibration, or is this incorrect?

Ra: I am Ra. This is precisely correct.[355]

So by implication, it can be seen that there are seven densities in our creation, divided, as are our energy centers, by descriptive terms using the rainbow of colors, red through violet. First density is red, second density orange, third density yellow, fourth density green, fifth density blue, sixth density indigo, and seventh density violet. Our planet is activated in red, orange and yellow densities at this time, as we are a third-density planet, although within this third density, we have in each of our bodies all seven energy centers, corresponding to the whole range of inner and outer planes of creation. Don explores this further:

Questioner: Then as the fourth-density vibrations come in this means that the planet can support entities of fourth-density core vibration. Will the planet then still be first-density core vibration and will there be second-density entities on it with second-density vibrations, and will there be third-density entities on it with third-density vibrations?

Ra: You must see the Earth, as you call it, as being seven Earths. There is red, orange, yellow, and there will soon be a completed green color vibratory locus for fourth-density entities which they will call Earth. During the fourth-density experience, due to the lack of development of fourth-density entities, the third-density planetary sphere is not useful for habitation since the early fourth-density entity will not know precisely how to maintain the illusion that fourth density cannot be seen or determined from any instrumentation available to any third density. Thus in fourth density the red, orange and green energy nexi of your planet will be activated while the yellow is in potentiation along with the blue and the indigo.[356]

It may be hundreds of years before this transition is completed, so I imagine the first citizens of fourth-density Earth shall be very special, in that they will know how to remain invisible and unseen by third-density populations that remain for a time.

The first density is the elemental density of earth, air, wind and fire. It begins in the timelessness it shares with the final density in the previous creation before this one, and only towards the end of first density does creation, time and space as we know them form from the undifferentiated swirl of energy. Our ocean, sky and mountain express late first density. The second density sees the advent of motile entities such as amoebae, plants and animals. This density is characterized by movement towards the light, and life forms literally turn to that light for invigoration and regeneration. It is a density of intelligence of a kind, but not self-awareness. The third density, which we together enjoy at this time, is the first density of self-aware entities, and its denizens begin to seek the lessons of love by making the initial choice as to their path or style of seeking and realizing that love. The fourth density is the density of love or understanding and its citizens seek to perfect this knowledge, and begin the lessons of wisdom. The fifth density is the wisdom density, and its denizens complete the study of wisdom. The sixth density is the density of unification, wherein the balance of love and wisdom is sought and found. In this density, the split of positive and negative paths which begin with the choice in third density is again unified, as negative sixth density entities realize they can go no further until they fully accept that all entities are one in the Creator, and switch their polarity in one fell swoop. The seventh density is the density of foreverness. Here, self-aware entities complete all lessons of all kinds and eventually are drawn by spiritual gravity back into the unpotentiated Creator, the density then moving into the timelessness in which first density began.

Those of Q’uo add to our knowledge of the purposes of densities one through three:

Each density has its purpose. Now, we would preface this line of thinking by pointing out that the seeming progression of densities is an artifact of time and space and is not the deepest truth of the cosmos and its makeup. In a deeper reality, or shall we say, a more shallow illusion, all time and space is one and as an entity, therefore, each seeker is working simultaneously upon all densities and sub-densities. However, within incarnation there is time, there is space and there is progression. Therefore, we use the concept of densities to indicate which lessons are learned first, which lessons are the foundation for further lessons. In first density the lesson is simply consciousness. In second density the lesson involves the turning to the light, the beginning of choices. In third density which you now enjoy the lesson is in learning how to love and how to accept love. These lessons are two sides of the one coin of love. You have entered into this incarnative experience because you felt that there was room for improvement in your understanding of love. Now there are other reasons which cause you to wish to come at this time having to do with service to this planet and its peoples in this time of transformation on a planetary scale. But each also has lessons to learn, and so we would focus upon the core beingness of the self as it can in a stable manner be experienced helpfully within incarnation.[357]

It is interesting to see the densities as an artifact of space/time, or physical reality. Supposedly, there are further octaves of experience after this present creation, each containing these seven densities, but at a higher octave of vibration. So, as Ed Weigel notes, there is no end to them:

I understand that the process going on here does not end here. Our evolution is a process that is endless.[358]

These densities, though discrete, are not separated to the point that we cannot gain access to densities we are not presently enjoying:

Questioner: Were there any other circumstances, biases, consequences or plans set up by the Logos other than those we have discussed for the evolution of Its parts through the densities?

Ra: I am Ra. One more; that is, the permeability of the densities so that there may be communication from density to density and from plane to plane or sub-density to sub-density.[359]

Given that our energy system is compatible with the energy characteristics of inner planes or outer densities which are higher, then, we have the potential for freedom of movement that is total, metaphysically speaking. Don, in trying to get a clear idea of our place in the scheme of things, asks:

Questioner: I would like to know how the mind/body/spirit complexes originate, going as far back as necessary. How does the origination occur?

Ra: I am Ra. We ask you to consider that you are attempting to trace evolution. This evolution is as we have previously described, the consciousness being first, in first density, without movement, a random thing. Whether you may call this mind or body complex is a semantic problem. We call it mind/body complex, recognizing always that in the simplest iota of this complex exists in its entirety the one infinite Creator; this mind/body complex then in second density discovering the growing and turning towards the light, thus awakening what you may call the spirit complex, that which intensifies the upward spiraling towards the love and light of the infinite Creator. The addition of this spirit complex, though apparent rather than real, it having existed potentially from the beginning of space/time, perfects itself by graduation into third density, when the mind/body/spirit complex becomes aware of the possibility of service to self or other-self, then the mind/body/spirit complex is activated.[360]

We can begin to get a more full idea of our own complexity here, and of our path of evolution. We begin as elemental; we grow as second-density creatures, and come into the beginning of our self-awareness as a “soul” or spiritual being in this, our third density of experience. The length of the densities is, for the most part, quite aeonian and protracted:

Questioner: Could you give me an idea of the length of the first and second densities as they occurred for this planet?

Ra: I am Ra. There is no method of estimation of the time/space before timelessness gave way in your first density. To the beginnings of your time, the measurement would be vast and yet this vastness is meaningless. Upon the entry into the constructed space/time your first density spanned a bridge of space/time and time/space of perhaps two billion of your years. Second density is more easily estimated and represents your longest density in terms of the span of space/time. We may estimate that time as approximately 4. 6 billion years. These approximations are exceedingly rough due to the somewhat uneven development which is characteristic of creations which are built upon the foundation stone of free will.[361]

Densities four through seven are also quite long. However, our third density is extremely short, relatively speaking. This is because there is a singular purpose to third density, one single, pivotal choice to make and then seat solidly in the consciousness. To fill in some detail, Don asks further about second and third density:

Questioner: Then there were second-density entities here prior to approximately 75,000 years ago. What type of entities were these?

Ra: I am Ra. The second density is the density of the higher plant life and animal life which exists without the upward drive towards the infinite. These second-density beings are of an octave of consciousness just as you find various orientations of consciousness among the conscious entities of your vibration.

Questioner: Where did these beings come from? Were they a product of evolution as understood by our scientists? Were they evolved from the original material of the earth that you spoke of.

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

Questioner: Do these beings then evolve from second density to third density?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct, although no guarantee can be made of the number of cycles it will take an entity to learn the lessons of consciousness of self which are the prerequisite for transition to third density.[362]

***

Questioner: Then how does the second density progress to the third?

Ra: I am Ra. The second density strives towards the third density which is the density of self-consciousness or self-awareness. The striving takes place through the higher second-density forms who are invested by third-density beings with an identity to the extent that they become self-aware mind/body complexes, thus becoming mind/body/spirit complexes and entering third density, the first density of consciousness of spirit.[363]

It seems a marvelous thing to be a second-density creature, and I believe that our bodies remain second-density entities, entities which have given themselves over to the consciousness implanted within them during the birth process, and the development of that consciousness within incarnation. One characteristic of this third density is its unremitting social nature:

The essence of third-density learn/teaching and teach/learning is that there are other selves, to which one must relate in choosing the manner of that relationship with others. The choice of polarity becomes first recognized and then made. The third density physical vehicle was designed to function only in what you may call the family. By oneself one cannot reproduce and create new life. Without other selves working in cooperation, your own self will be unable to create a meeting of all needs. The essence of what you may call human is an absolute need for relationships with other selves.[364]

We may have noticed the pronounced tendency, for urban people especially, but people in general, to keep more to themselves, and for wanderers to be real loners. We are not grappling with our very real social and ecological challenges, most of us! Socialization, let alone activism, requires commitments of time that don’t seem possible. Yet we have a globe full of other selves with whom to come into spiritual, social and ecological community.

Questioner: Third density, then, compared to the rest of the densities, all of them, is nothing but a uniquely short period of what we consider to be time and is for the purpose of this choice. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is precisely correct. The prelude to choice must encompass the laying of the foundation, the establishment of the illusion and the viability of that which can be made spiritually viable. The remainder of the densities is continuous refining of the choice. This also is greatly lengthened, as you would use the term. The choice is, as you put it, the work of a moment but is the axis upon which the creation turns.[365]

What is the nature of this choice?

This entire vibratory nexus which you call third density is that in which you make the foundation choice which each of you has already made to be of service to others and to live a life in faith. Your basic contribution is living the life in faith; not in being happy or melancholy or useful or productive, but in being a certain kind of entity, an entity that is able to shine through the windows of the eyes and the smile upon the lips with the light of the one infinite Creator.[366]

I love that image of the Creator shining out through our faces when we smile with a genuine warmth. And often I can feel the energy pouring through me, when just being in the garden, or speaking with someone, or writing as I am now. Here is a challenging thought from the Q’uo principle or group:

The very foundation of third density is based upon what is described as a mistake; that is, a choice to know good and evil and therefore, to die. All of the third-density environment is necessarily founded upon dynamic opposites and the choice for or against the radiance of living and dying as opposed to the magnetic pulling and grabbing at life and the fearful pushing away of death. It may seem that this choice to live and die, to be imperfect and to choose between imperfectly derived essences may be a foolish choice, but it is this very environment which creates the test conditions for the growth and the learning of that within each which may be called the seeker or the higher self, that is, that self which aspires to move more and more fully into the radiant energy of the one Creator.[367]

After this process of working within incarnation in third density, graduation occurs. Some may well feel they are ready for it, and some not:

The idea of moving from third density to fourth and beyond seems like a reasonable expectation. Though I find the paradigm shift a happy event, it is still yet part of a grander happening. Living as if it is all one is an interesting practice and empowering.[368]

***

I go to the book store and the overwhelming amount of material regarding enlightenment, I think kind of puts me in a state of shock. Because I feel at some base level that I’ve run out of time. I blew it. What really winds my clock is all this info coming out regarding third-density entities vs. the fourth-density reality that’s coming. I am humbled to the point of wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out. How can I, how can anyone be certain of their evolution?? How can anyone know for certain IF they’re going to make it to fourth density?[369]

But the harvest has already begun on planet Earth, and as we each die, we will walk those steps of light:

As much as any other native inhabitant, wanderers will be expected to walk the steps of light when this incarnational experience is at an end, and, just as much as any native inhabitant of Earth, if the steps are walked to a point of comfort within third density the wanderer shall not return to its home vibratory nexus but, rather, shall continue in third density until graduation is achieved.[370]

By this process, we hope to enter fourth density after graduation. Earth shall continue as a fourth-density positive planet, its third density dying out naturally over a period of centuries. Until the third-density humankind is completely gone, fourth density will be invisible to third density, even though the planes interpenetrate each other:

Questioner: Is an entity in the fourth density normally invisible to us?

Ra: I am Ra. The fourth density is, by choice, not visible to third density. It is possible for fourth density to be visible. However, it is not the choice of the fourth-density entity to be visible due to the necessity for concentration upon a rather difficult vibrational complex which is the third density you experience.[371]

It is thoughtful of fourth-density beings to leave us to our hard work! Don asks:

Questioner: How does a third-density planet become a fourth-density planet?

Ra: I am Ra. The fourth density is as regularized in its approach as the striking of a clock upon the hour. The space/time of your solar system has enabled this planetary sphere to spiral into space/time of a different vibrational configuration. This causes the planetary sphere to be able to be molded by these new distortions. However, the thought-forms of your people during this transition period are such that the mind/body/spirit complexes of both individual and societies are scattered throughout the spectrum instead of becoming able to grasp the needle, shall we say, and point the compass in one direction. Thus, the entry into the vibration of love, sometimes called by your people the vibration of understanding, is not effective with your present societal complex. Thus, the harvest shall be such that many will repeat the third-density cycle. The energies of your wanderers, your teachers and your adepts at this time are all bent upon increasing the harvest. However, there are few to harvest.[372]

***

Questioner: Then what will be the time of transition on this planet from third to fourth-density?

Ra: I am Ra. This is difficult to estimate due to the uncharacteristic anomalies of this transition. There are at this space/time nexus beings incarnate which have begun fourth-density work. However, the third-density climate of planetary consciousness is retarding the process. At this particular nexus the possibility/probability vortices indicate somewhere between 100 and 700 of your years as transition period. This cannot be accurate due to the volatility of your peoples at this space/time.[373]

***

Questioner: Does the fact that the basic vibration that we experience now is true-color green or fourth-density account for the fact that there are many mental effects upon material objects that are now observable for the first time in a mass way such as the bending of metal by mind?

Ra: I am Ra. This is not only correct but we suggest you take this concept further and understand the great number of entities with the so-called mental diseases being due to the effect of this green-ray true color upon the mental configurations of those unready mentally to face the self for the first time.[374]

And Bruce Peret adds, concerning my questioning about fourth density as seen from third:

The third density has a limited frequency range for light, simply because there is no other way for light to express itself in this density. It’s like filling a box with ping-pong balls. Once the box is full, it’s full. In order for light to manifest on another density, it must either lose or gain something. That something is “dimension.” When a photon learns how to move in the dimension of love, then that photon becomes fourth-density, and a new range of expression opens up to it, an empty box. Since it cannot be expressed in third density, we see a “shadow” of it, a third-density projection of a fourth-density object, which APPEARS to be a radical change in frequency of the light.[375]

Clearly, this harvest of Earth is being a difficult one, for its people and for its planet as well. It is not one bit surprising that we are sharing the difficulties of this troubled harvest age. Don asks about our immediate future in fourth density on Earth:

Questioner: We are now in the fourth density. Will the effects of the fourth density increase in the next thirty years? Will we see more changes in our environment and our effect upon our environment?

Ra: I am Ra. The fourth density is a vibrational spectrum. Your time/space continuum has spiraled your planetary sphere and star into this vibration. This will cause the planetary sphere itself to electromagnetically realign its vortices of reception of the in-streaming of cosmic forces expressing themselves as vibrational webs so that the Earth [will] thus be fourth-density magnetized, as you may call it. This is going to occur with some inconvenience, due to the energies of the thought-forms of your peoples which disturb the orderly constructs of energy patterns within your Earth spirals of energy which increases entropy and unusable heat. This will cause your planetary sphere to have some ruptures in its outer garment while making itself appropriately magnetized for fourth density. This is the planetary adjustment. You will find a sharp increase in the number of people, as you call mind/body/spirit complexes, whose vibrational potentials include the potential for fourth-vibrational distortions. Thus, there will seem to be, shall we say, a new breed. These are those incarnating for fourth-density work. There will also be a sharp increase in the short run of negatively oriented or polarized mind/body/spirit complexes and social complexes, due to the polarizing conditions of the sharp delineation between fourth-density characteristics and third-density self-service orientation. Those who remain in fourth density upon this plane will be of the so-called positive orientation. Many will come from elsewhere, for it would appear that with all the best efforts of the Confederation, which includes those from your peoples’ inner planes, inner civilizations and those from other dimensions, the harvest will still be much less than this planetary sphere is capable of comfortably supporting in service.[376]

What will fourth density positive be like? Those of Ra say:

We ask you to consider as we speak that there are not words for positively describing fourth density. We can only explain what is not and approximate what is. Beyond fourth density our ability grows more limited until we become without words. That which fourth density is not: it is not of words, unless chosen. It is not of heavy chemical vehicles for body complex activities. It is not of disharmony within self. It is not of disharmony within peoples. It is not within limits of possibility to cause disharmony in any way. Approximations of positive statements: it is a plane of type of bipedal vehicle which is much denser and more full of life; it is a plane wherein one is aware of the thought of other-selves; it is a plane wherein one is aware of vibrations of other-selves; it is a plane of compassion and understanding of the sorrows of third density; it is a plane striving towards wisdom or light; it is a plane wherein individual differences are pronounced although automatically harmonized by group consensus.[377]

Our work with relationships in third density makes sense in terms of where we are going. Higher densities are permeated with groups, especially on the positive path. In fourth density, we are working on love, in fifth, wisdom, and in sixth, the unification and balance of these two aspects of the Creator which correspond to love or Logos and to light. Many seekers would question the order of densities four and five, or love and wisdom. Wisdom seems so attractive and peaceful compared to love. However, to me, this makes sense. Love needs to be learned, and learned thoroughly, before wisdom is sought, for wisdom without love is wicked indeed. Lucifer’s name means “Light-Bringer.” This principle brings light without love. Those who seek for wisdom in third density are seeking after that which is out of place, and not a part of this density. Are we trying to build a stairway of wisdom and truth that will get us to heaven? Let us cease immediately, and apply ourselves instead to the lessons and choices of this present experience. It is all about love, as the old musical group, Earth, Wind and Fire have sung.

The sixth density is also that density where the positive and negative paths, which split for fourth, fifth and early sixth, are again unified:

As the negative entities continue to pursue this path of separation and control, at some point, in order to continue in the process of evolution and to know more of the Creator and to exercise the power of the Creator, it becomes necessary to see other selves as the Creator and as the self. This is not difficult for the positive polarity, but is difficult enough for the negative polarity that that negative polarity must be abandoned and the power that has been gained from it be used to reverse, shall we say, the polarity in order that continued evolution be possible.[378]

The sixth density also offers to us in third density a special gift: our higher self:

Questioner: You said that each third-density entity has an higher self in the sixth density which is moving to the mind/body/spirit complex of the entity as needed. Does this higher self also evolve in growth through the densities beginning with the first density, and does each higher self have a corresponding higher self advanced in densities beyond it?

Ra: I am Ra. The higher self is a manifestation given to the late sixth-density mind/body/spirit complex as a gift from its future selfness. The mid-seventh density’s last action before turning towards the allness of the Creator and gaining spiritual mass is to give this resource to the sixth-density self, moving as you measure time in the stream of time.

This self, the mind/body/spirit complex of late sixth-density, has then the honor/duty of using both the experiences of its total living bank of memory of experience, thoughts and actions, and using the resource of the mind/body/spirit complex totality left behind as a type of infinitely complex thought-form. In this way you may see your self, your higher self or Oversoul, and your mind/body/spirit complex totality as three points in a circle. The only distinction is that of your time/space continuum. All are the same being.[379]

Those of Q’uo describe seventh density:

As the final lessons are learned in the last of the densities of light, the entities begin to take upon themselves that which you may call a spiritual mass so that there is the great desire to move into complete union once again with the one Creator, and this union is achieved so that each entity brings each experience with it as an offering or glorification to the one Creator. Each such offering, then, taken cumulatively, becomes the seeding of another great octave of experience and cycle of beingness, as the one Creator once again sends out portions of Itself to gain in experience, to learn that which can only be learned by the giving of free will choice to those portions of Itself that venture out as pilgrims into what is to each the great unknown and mystery of being.[380]

All in all, this cosmology satisfies something in me that has never been completely satisfied before, in that there are offered good and logical reasons for suffering and choices, and a solid explanation of good and evil, or polarity. In my opinion, this is where many systems fall apart. Either they see good and evil as never being able to be reconciled, as the fundamentalist Christian or Muslim looking at a war between good and evil that does not end, or they negate the reality of evil. Neither solution has ever suited me.

Third Density: The Density Of Choice

To reel our minds back from the great spread of densities of experience, we can concentrate on this present third-density experience, the one we are working on right now. Those of Q’uo say:

How we admire you. We remember third density. It is the shortest of the densities, the density of choice. You are here to choose to serve the Creator by serving others or by serving the self and manipulating others. As you serve others, you may be asked to do outrageous things, to go beyond your limitations, to do what cannot be done yet which shall be done because it must. And in those situations we strongly advise that you release your personal personality and move to an impersonal portion of your deep self, that god-self of unmitigated and straightforward compassion. To determine what is pleasing as opposed to what is serving another entity is sometimes difficult, especially on the spur of the moment. Therefore, we ask you to steep yourselves as you would immolate a tea bag in the teacup in the love and the light of the infinite One, that what needs be done for you to polarize, for you to choose, may be done with what this instrument would call “gladness and singleness and of heart.”[381]

Those of Q’uo share more about service to self versus service to others, the great choice of paths we face in third density:

The nature of third density is primarily dictated by the lessons which have been prepared for each seeker to walk with. And for the goal towards which these lessons point, that basic nature of your illusion is division into opposites, for yours is the density of choice. Yours is an illusion rich in either/or. The raw material which you bring to this illusion is itself duple. On the one hand, you bring to these lessons a physical/mental/emotional complex of great instinctual beauty, symmetry and harmony. The physical vehicle of third density is unimaginably rich in sense perceptions. At all times the inner eye is filled with an enormous variety of sense perceptions. These are instinctually prioritized and held in an instinctual state of balance. This is that second-density creature which has accepted the role of carrying your consciousness about for this incarnative experience.[382]

And Joseph Koehm adds:

The negatives are going to be trying to pull you one way, the positives the other. You have an angel on your left shoulder and an angel on your right. Guess which one is a hell’s angel? I have the same problem. I understand. Good luck! I am far from saint material I assure you. I use my 49 percent quite enthusiastically on numerous occasions and sometimes love every minute of it. I like living close to the “edge” of the precipice, I guess. Anyway, now for the inspiring news. When you get these negative feelings you need to realize this is not a game. It is the real thing.[383]

I love Joe’s insouciance! Of course, in a way it IS a game, a most divine game. And one which we do need to take seriously, wanderers or not. The Oxal group says:

In addition to those lessons which are learned in a manner native to those who work through the third density for the first time, those who are what you call wanderers bring a certain task and a certain responsibility, which may be viewed as operating, so as to put into an unique light, a particular slant or bias, those precise lessons which within third density all must learn. And so in a sense, the task is compounded proportionate to the unique gifts which have been brought from other densities, so that they may be laid down in service to the souls which seek, so hungrily, to reach beyond the limits which are those of third density, a density of choice.[384]

It is an old idea and ideal, that to those to whom much has been given, much may be expected. Identify our unique gifts, then, and look for ways to share them. Sometimes, it may seem that there is no place that will appreciate our gifts; that this world is very negative. Don thought so:

Questioner: Can you tell me why you say that the Earth will be fourth density positive instead of fourth density negative since there seems to be much negativity here now?

Ra: I am Ra. The Earth seems to be negative. That is due to the quiet, shall we say, horror which is the common distortion which those good or positively oriented entities have towards the occurrences which are of your time/space present. However, those oriented and harvestable in the ways of service to others greatly outnumber those whose orientation towards service to self has become that of harvestable quality.[385]

As odd as this may seem, in some instances, a wanderer may even fail to recognize service-to-self, or negative orientation:

Questioner: Are the many wanderers who have and are coming to our planet subject to the Orion thoughts?

Ra: I am Ra. As we have said before, wanderers become completely the creature of third density in mind/body complex. There is just as much chance of such influence to a wanderer entity as to a mind/body/spirit complex of this planetary sphere. The only difference occurs in the spirit complex which, if it wishes, has an armor of light, if you will, which enables it to recognize more clearly that which is not as it would appropriately be desired by the mind/body/spirit complex. This is not more than bias and cannot be called an understanding.

Furthermore, the wanderer is, in its own mind/body/spirit, less distorted toward the, shall we say, deviousness of third-density positive/negative confusions. Thus, it often does not recognize as easily as a more negative individual the negative nature of thoughts or beings.

Questioner: Then would the wanderers, as they incarnate here, be high-priority targets of the Orion group?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

Questioner: If a wanderer should be successfully infringed upon, shall I say, by the Orion group, what would happen to this wanderer when harvest came?

Ra: I am Ra. If the wanderer entity demonstrated through action a negative orientation towards other-selves it would be as we have said before, caught into the planetary vibration and, when harvested, possibly repeat again the master cycle of third density as a planetary entity.[386]

Wanting to avoid that repetition of third density, we would like to be serenely wise and calm. But we are, for the most part, not. We are confused. However, this is perfectly OK:

We would commend to your attention the virtue of confusion, the virtue and helpfulness of being caught, of being puzzled, of being taken out of one’s self so that self is revealing self to self in a spontaneous manner. These characteristics of self provide the structure for learning within third density. They present to the seeker carefully orchestrated choices that are subjectively oriented to offer the best opportunity for polarization of consciousness. Without personality but simply with self-awareness and the choice before one, the seeker will move without error into full awareness. Yet this awareness teaches nothing. It does not connect with that biological entity in a way which furthers spiritual evolution. It is the foolish personality, the ego, the self that thinks a million thoughts and does a million deeds in its heart, and that foolish entity alone that interacts with free will and finds ever deeper and truer choices that create and recreate and recreate the self ever anew.[387]

And as we go, we do need to face our utter free will and responsibility to make this choice.

I love the thought of the Creator having created us capable of learning how to consciously lead the dance, so the Creator can lose itself in our swirling arms, and through our conscious observer-awareness to experience what It has created, without being constantly reminded of having created it all; almost like giving the Creator a day off, just even once in our lives surrendering gladly our illusion of being the victim, and simply enjoying the responsibility for what we have chosen.[388]

There is a point to this exercise, even beyond our own spiritual evolution: there are extravagant opportunities for service in this density of the dim and shadowy way:

There is nothing to fear. You are free and in the third-density illusion. You can be of the greatest assistance to each other that you shall ever be to anyone. We cannot possibly emphasize enough the height, the breadth and the depth of the possibilities for service in your earthen vessel overbody, for yours is the density of choice. You shall choose your priority or have already chosen, and as you serve, you are aiding the one whom you serve to choose his or her polarity or to increase it. [389]

We are likely to remain confused. How to clarify matters? How shall we go about seeing this choice? How can we recognize it? We need to listen to our heart’s desires:

The object of third density is, we feel, the making of a certain choice, a choice of paths. This choice is not simply a verbal one or a mental one. In order for this choice to be made so that the entity within has truly chosen, choices are made within the fire of unknowing, within that chasm where there is no footing but only air. The process that seekers go through in order to attain a firmly made choice is not an intellectual process nor even an intellectual/emotional process, but, rather, it is, as this instrument would say, a journey from head to heart, so that it matters not so much whether one sees clearly as it matters more that one may desire more clearly. To hone the edge of the thirst for truth is to improve that search in its efficacy. Again, it is not what the seeker knows but what the seeker desires that creates the character of the distortions that the seeker is likely to settle upon as that which is the least distorted version of truth. Once it has been accepted that all truths are to some extent distortions of a truth that is ineffable and unknowable, then there is perhaps an easier and more relaxed attitude towards this process of knowing the truth. If all things are shadows, if all things are to some extent not what they seem, then the heart is free to open in pure desire to whatever truth it may pick up with its various antennae which it does not know it has but which the being which lies within knows well how to use.[390]

Lynn Herrmann suggests that deciding the way we want to be helps in pinning this all important choice down:

I think most of us are pretty sure which polarity we want to be, rather than know for sure which polarity we have been up until this point. Up until the moment of decision we are one of those wandering around in confusion and ignorance. We are neither here nor there. When we make the choice, “This is what I want to be,” then I believe strongly that is what we will be. The choice is what will determine all our future actions since we have stated firmly, sincerely, and categorically that is what we desire. The universe will aid and assist us to achieve this goal if we are sincere and make this known to ourselves and our higher self. We can’t do it ourselves! We have our egos to battle and our egos are very clever. The ego tells us we are separate from ALL in order to preserve itself. The only thing we need to do is to make the choice, and then to ask for help, keeping in mind that what you see manifesting unpleasantly in others is only ego and not the truth. When you are judging yourself as being unworthy then you are playing to the ego. The ego needs these doubts and fears to exist. The ego is not who you are and it is not who others are. See it for the illusion it is and see what is under the illusion. Then don’t worry. Unconditional love is not developed overnight. Treat others as if they were worthy of your love, even if you can’t give it. One day you will be able to.[391]

Another way to look at the making of ethical choices is to invoke the fool’s choice of blind faith:

In the portion of the spirit’s journey through the present octave that is third density, the crux or focus of the learning that is offered in third density is The Choice. This archetypical image is of a young man stepping off into thin air: no suggestion of a bridge, no suggestion of another shore, but simply the walking off of a cliff in perfect faith. As each entity awakens to her spiritual identity, that which has awakened is in part that fool, and that which lies before that entity is a step into midair. And once that step has been made and the air has seemed to solidify about the new vantage point, a cliff will appear once more and the fool must needs step over that one as well, and the next and the next. And each time that this occurs, that seeker, that fool, has reprised the choice.[392]

One last suggestion: look for the love. Act as its hands, voice and ambassador.

The decision that you may make which will profoundly affect the many choices that you make is the decision to seek love; not any kind of love, not any description of love; to seek love. To seek love is to seek one of the primal distortions from the infinite Creator. To seek love is to seek the great intelligence that fills the energetic consciousness of the universe with purpose.[393]

We may also seek this great intelligence in others. All we meet are mirrors that reflect the love and light of the infinite Creator. All are our “angels unawares.” Sometimes we are bemused and blinded by our own reflections, but occasionally we meet someone who is transparent to the Creator for us, and there love’s face shines in human form. It happens often to me. I am so grateful to and sensitive to the beauty in so many people I meet and talk with. I am more fortunate than most, for much of my outer service is talking to, encouraging and supporting outsiders and wanderers, and so I meet a very special and sweet tribe of beings.

Polarity

The one great original thought of the infinite Creator is love. This creative love is the radiance that appeals to and attracts the service-to-others oriented or positive seeker. Our third-density experience is all about love, and about the choice of our path of pursuing love as love of others, or love of self.

This state of being drawn or attracted to something is polarity. Polarity, as commonly used in the physical world, is that property expressed by bodies having magnetic poles, either positive and attractive, or negative and repulsive. This term is defined in terms of the magnetic field of the Earth, the positive pole being designated the north, and the negative, the south. However, for work in metaphysics, we may understand polarity as any tendency to turn, grow, think or feel in a certain way because of magnetic attraction or repulsion. As the Q’uo group puts it:

Just as your battery within your automobile is able to function because of the potential difference between the positive and the negative charge, so is the seeker of truth able to do work in consciousness according to its ability to polarize itself in the positive, or service to others fashion, in an effective manner.[394]

Bruce Peret suggests that the polarity of first density is electrical, and that magnetic polarity is a creature of second density:

The difference between electric and magnetic polarities is the number of dimensions involved: electric is one dimensional, magnetic is two dimensional. As a rough analogy, you could think of it as electricity being the initial concept of polarity in the first density, and magnetic as the concept of polarity in the second density.[395]

Moreover, he suggests that a good synonym for “polarity” is “dichotomy”:

I typically refer to “polarity” by the word “dichotomy” (division into two contradictory parts or opinions). Polarity tends to deal with the extremes of poles, in opposition, rather than contradiction, though I can understand why Ra uses “polarity,” because he is trying to deal with the extremes of service to self and service to others, the big choice of this density. I dislike “polarity” because it is so tied in to PHYSICAL properties. You know how it is with esoteric and metaphysical literature: every word means something different to every reader.[396]

It is so true that words are slippery things, especially when we attempt to take words beyond the bounds of their first use, as with polarity. In talking with my scientist friend, I told him that when I think about polarity, I think in terms of attraction rather than repulsion, that I think of service to others as the attraction to good rather than the repulsion by evil. Bruce replied:

Perhaps you should think in terms of “attract” and “repel,” rather than “repulse,” which has emotional connotation. A person who is spiritually attracted to good will naturally be repelled by evil. Note that this is a “co-magnetic” relationship, not a “magnetic” one, where like poles, good or evil, attract, and opposites repel. Thus, when a positive seeker starts to wander near evil, opposite poles repel, and they are simply pushed away from it. Likewise, when they wander near good, they are pulled closer. Understand, also, that some people are attracted to “evil.” It works both ways: service to others moves towards the “good pole,” and service to self towards the “evil pole.” And both words, good, evil, are a matter of perspective. What is “good” to STS, is evil to STO, and vice versa.[397]

In speaking with Dana R. the other day, she and I both mused over the simple fact that the same four letters spell live, evil and veil. It is an interesting bit of fact.

We acquire polarity by being attracted to one of the poles of the magnet, the metaphysical magnetic poles being “good” and “evil.” Just as an element is pulled to the anode in chemical electro-catalysis, we are pulled to the loadstone of love by our desire to experience and share in this love of the Creator. As beginners in the school of life and love, we are like soft iron, pulled to the magnet but not in any lasting way. However, as we make and remake the choice of love over fear, giving over taking, and so forth, we gradually impart to ourselves a permanent status as magnet rather than simply magnetized. Once this is achieved, our work is exponentially easier, but it is a long time in coming, and we are never through, within this density, with the making of ethical choices. Don Elkins asks those of Ra:

Questioner: Yesterday we were talking about the split that occurs when an entity either consciously or unconsciously chooses the path that leads to either service to others or service to self. The philosophical question of why such a split even exists came up. It was my impression that just as it is in electricity, if we have no polarity in electricity we have no electricity; we have no action. Therefore, I am assuming that it is the same in consciousness. If we have no polarity in consciousness we also have no action or experience. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. You may use the general term “work.”[398]

Bruce Peret points out that the first choice that established this dichotomy or polarity was the Creator’s:

Since the one Creator had to initiate this recursive dichotomy, each time we make a decision, right or wrong, we are reenacting the creation process, and creating a whole new flow of our life, based on that decision. Isn’t this what the one Creator did to get the universe going: made a choice?[399]

When we work in consciousness, then, all this work aids in polarization.

Questioner: I would ask if it is possible to increase polarity without increasing harvestability?

Ra: I am Ra. The connection between polarization and harvestability is most important in third-density harvest. In this density an increase in the serving of others or the serving of self will almost inevitably increase the ability of an entity to enjoy an higher intensity of light. Thus in this density, we may say, it is hardly possible to polarize without increasing in harvestability.[400]

So if we are polarizing, we are working towards graduation, a reassuring point. We are not involved in an abstract struggle to understand good and evil. We are, rather, ethical beings, spiritual entities, who by being attracted to the polarity of our choice are assisting and accelerating our spiritual evolution. Don asks again concerning polarity:

Questioner: When this major galaxy is formed by the Logos, polarity then exists in a sense that we have electrical polarity. We do have electrical polarity existing at that time. Is that correct?

Ra: I am Ra. I accept this as correct with the stipulation that what you term electrical be understood as not only the one, Larson, stipulated its meaning but also in what you would call the metaphysical sense.

Questioner: Are you saying then that we have not only a polarity of electrical charge but also a polarity in consciousness at that time?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct. All is potentially available from the beginning of your physical space/time; it then being the function of consciousness complexes to begin to use the physical materials to gain experience to then polarize in a metaphysical sense.[401]

Those of Q’uo take a look at polarity, this choice of service to others or service to self:

When the one Creator divided Itself in order that it might further know Itself, the division which took place became likened unto an illusion, for the result was the creation and is moment by moment the creation as you know it and far beyond what you know. As the Creator, which is simplicity itself, became that which seemed complex, the possibility of two means of traveling through the creation or each portion of the creation became apparent. That which moved in resonance with unity became that which you know as the service-to-others path, that which is radiant and expresses the light of the one Creator to all about it, for all is seen the same as self, that is, the one Creator. The service-to-self path became possible when the first division in third-density consciousness occurred due to the placement of what you have called the veil of forgetting between the conscious and the unconscious minds. This intensification of the illusion of separation provided to the Creator a more intense and purified means for that portion of Itself which may be seen as magnetic to function. Thus, the service-to-self path is one which draws unto itself the light of the Creator in all portions of the creation about the entity which has chosen this means of knowing itself and of evolving towards the same Creator. Thus, it is the same light which powers both paths in opposite fashion, or so it would seem within the saga of polarity, for as those of the service-to-others path give forth the light to all about them, it would seem that this action is in opposition to the service-to self-path which absorbs the light and uses it for its own purposes. Yet, in truth, it is the Creator which provides the light for both paths, and the same Creator which receives the light as a result of the action that is potentiating upon each path.[402]

One point about polarity has bothered those who write to me through the years perhaps more than any other, and Peter Stewart puts it very well:

I have always felt that there was a need for a balance of these two types of behavior, “service to self” and “service to others.” However there are times when an action is for my own benefit, but others can often benefit from this action, in a direct experiential way. If I plant beautiful trees and flowers in my yard for my personal enjoyment and enhancement of my living situation, others also can appreciate and enjoy the beauty. The opposite is true if the same plants and flowers were donated to the community to be planted in a park, it will benefit everyone including myself. Am I missing something here?[403]

The seeming contradiction is typical of spiritual matters. Yes, if one is serving others, one cannot help serving the self, for not only does it feel pleasing to polarize towards love, it also is a spiritual truth that anything that one gives to the creation comes back a hundred and a thousand fold. Further, if we serve ourselves, we end up serving others because all is one, both ourselves and other selves being the Creator. It truly is a matter of preference and desire which way one decides to seek. There are very, very few negatively oriented wanderers here, the risk of the forgetting process being too great for selfish souls, so if we feel we are wanderers, we are almost certainly one of those who has worked previously in the positive polarity. Seekers in general, as they awaken, are overwhelmingly of positive polarity and wish to polarize further. So it is well to accept that there is no simple, logical simplification of this spiritual process. It is as it is. Those of Q’uo say:

We have used the terms “the way of that which is” to describe the path of the positive polarity and “the path of that which is not” to describe the path of negative polarity. Both paths reach the same Creator.[404]

What is that which is? Unity. What is that which is not? Separation. The positive polarity chooses to see all as worthy of love and care, to be given to without expectation of return. The negative polarity sees all others as needing to be controlled and protected for their own good by the self, according to the needs and desires of the self. To love without demand or to control is THE choice of this density:

Each of you is a being of pure light. Each of you has complete freedom to choose the way in which you will manifest that light. All the so called evils of the world are but love distorted. We encourage you to find ways to choose love over fear, light over darkness, surrender over control, for the attempt to control is at heart service to self. Know as deeply as you can and as often as you can who you are and where you are going and for the rest, trust destiny.[405]

Most seekers, as I said, already yearn for being more polarized in service to others:

The times in my life where I truly give to others or truly am in service to others beings, are the moments in which the joy, the love and the union vibrates in my whole body. Are the meaningful moments of my life because true joy and gratitude are felt in my heart? I want to expand this experience and be able to polarize more towards the service-to-others path.[406]

This process is a difficult one, or certainly can seem so. Q’uo speaks eloquently of the hardships of the spiritual polarizer:

The efforts to rectify difficult situations can oftentimes lead to breakthrough experiences with the other self as hearts open honestly to each other. That this does not occur often makes the desire for it all the greater in those who wish to give and to receive love within your illusion. The constant desire and effort made in this direction is that which builds within you the metaphysical or spiritual power which is much like the power of any battery which stores energy. As you increase the positive polarization the battery has the ability to do more work.[407]

The nature of positive polarity is such that in order to deal lovingly with someone else’s dark side, we will see our own dark side too. This is hard! Those of Q’uo help with this concept:

One’s relation to one’s dark side should be one of gratitude and love, for the dark side is that which strengthens and enables the light side. Each experience of the darker side of self is that which burns away pride and what this instrument would call egotism. It is well when one sees that side of self which has those vices and sins, if you will, in abundance not to turn away but rather to embrace, to love, to accept and to forgive that part of the self for being.[408]

We will find this to be no easy thing. It need not founder us, however. We just need to accept that we will experience that varied menu of both the good and bad of life as we go. Bruce Peret puts it this way:

Everything in this universe seeks unity, correct? So, if the positive path seeks only positive experience, it will become a sharply unbalanced polarity, kind of like all the clothes lumped up on one side of the washing machine during the spin cycle. And we all know what that does! The mechanism starts to fail, parts can break, and the washer cannot do its job effectively. So, would it not make sense for those on either path, to seek encounters with both positive and negative, so that the clothes stay evenly distributed around the drum in the washer? You still get your increase in polarity, but don’t end up lopsided and inefficient.[409]

We would never want our spiritual development to be lopsided! Further, Bruce points out, the process of individuation in youth has a service-to-self aspect that is not our lasting choice, hopefully:

Service to self must occur in our youth, as a survival necessity. We are simply not equipped, either physically, mentally or emotionally to engage in true service to others, until we have a reasonable understanding of who we are, and what we are capable of. One needs to “serve oneself” during youth to make these discoveries. Once we have learned a bit about who we are, we then know what we can offer in service to others, and only then can a person truly become service-to-other oriented, as a conscious act.[410]

The time of that conscious awareness varies greatly. I awoke very early in my babyhood. I cannot remember not knowing, simply assuming, that I was a child of the Creator, that my father was in heaven, not in the sense of being dead, but in the sense of being pure deity. I knew I had a father on Earth, but I identified myself as a child of God. The general range of awakening is from 13 or 14, at the onset of puberty, through about age 25. Naturally, some awaken as children, some as in between child and adult, some as adults, middle-aged or older people. We all have a uniquely set alarm clock for spiritual awakening. Those of Q’uo add:

Before one can be free to serve another, one must come into relationship with the self, and the process of arriving at a love and acceptance of the self may seem very selfish and egotistical.[411]

This process of choosing polarity, then, will be difficult, at least on the surface of it, time and again. Aluna Joy shares a delightful story:

A parable is told of a farmer who owned an old donkey. The donkey fell into the farmer’s well. The farmer heard the donkey braying, or whatever donkeys do when they fall into wells. After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the donkey, but decided that neither the donkey nor the well was worth the trouble of saving. Instead, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened, and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old donkey in the well and put him out of his misery. Initially, the old donkey was hysterical! But as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him. It suddenly dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back, he should shake it off and step up! This he did, blow after blow. “Shake it off and step up, shake it off and step up, shake it off and step up!” he repeated to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or distressing the situation seemed the old donkey fought panic and just kept right on shaking it off and stepping up! You’re right! It wasn’t long before the old donkey, battered and exhausted, stepped triumphantly over the wall of that well! What seemed like something that would bury him, actually blessed him, all because of the manner in which he handled his adversity.[412]

The best attitude, then, is guarded equanimity, supported by whatever action seems, in our best judgment, called for. We may remain calm, but we stand ready to paddle like mad, like the polarizing ducks we are, through all manner of times of testing:

One who seeks the truth cannot rest upon the previously found truths or previously made ethical choices of one’s pilgrimage, but must continuously be prepared to meet that present circumstance which uses all past choices and demands then a living witness of your own polarity. Your choices without the energy of your will are like lamps without fuel and are not useful. Thusly, in your theoretical, abstract, metaphysical being, be very conscious that the entity who seeks shall be tested and the seeking shall go forward when the test has been passed, the passing of the test being the responsible and reliable remembrance and embracing of past choices which have increased positive polarity.[413]

And in this testing cycle, we will be experiencing our own universal self, in its dark side. For we do, indeed, have all polarity within ourselves. I have always thought of this as the full-circle self, one half being light or positive, the other half dark or negative. Larsonian physicist Peret looks at it another way, one helpful in its implications:

The flow of light is much like the flow of water from a faucet. Service to others is the faucet, pouring forth light. Somewhere, there must be a drain, service to self, to absorb that light, and return it to the plumbing. And you know what? The original faucet probably will be pulling that water from the same plumbing, so it is making a big loop, and we only see what comes out of the faucet, and into the drain. When Larson discovered the Cosmic Sector, the “anti-matter” half of the universe that exists in reciprocal (inverse) relationship to the Material, a new door opened up. Because the Cosmic sector existed in three-dimensional time, rather than three-dimensional space, the postulates of the Reciprocal System showed that everything that occurred in space, also occurred in time, in the Cosmic Sector: cosmic stars, cosmic planets, cosmic people. And biological life occurs when one of these cosmic “people” becomes attached with a material “person,” the ego and the shadow of the psyche. Now we can see the other half. If the ego of a person is oriented as “service to others,” their shadow, the dark side of the person, would naturally be “service to self,” but would exist in this Cosmic sector. Two faces of one coin: here, a service to self person, there, a service to others person. And the circuit becomes complete, the plumbing revealed. There are not two polarities involved, but actually four. A quadration: a dichotomy of a dichotomy, divided equally between time and space, but the same entity.[414]

We are larger people than we knew. And we do get tested. Repeatedly. Here is a good example of such a time of testing, reported by Dale Chorley, a deeply thoughtful wanderer:

I feel there is residual permanence in all we do and all we touch (foreverness) and in that vein I was wondering if the knowledge gained about negatively polarized entities serves as a foothold for their efforts. I ask because I have been having brief but intense episodes of what could be called panic attacks that start in the lower abdomen, what I would call a chakra rush, that quickly reaches my head and is hot, hot, hot. All the while I am coaxed into thinking about taking the easy way to do something. It lasts maybe ten seconds or so but it totally encompasses every fiber of my being. I am not afraid per se but I am trying to understand.[415]

It’s not so hard to understand when we have some background. Dale had been working with an orange-ray issue repeatedly. It was time for him to be tested to see if his life equaled his learning. And I would say a ten-second battle indicates a fairly high degree of learning! Well done, Dale! Once this process of cyclical testing is understood, it becomes a more efficient process, though not easier:

The principle of seniority of incarnation by vibration is simply that as an entity takes hold of those gifts, talents and resources with which it entered the incarnational experience and works to maximize the giving of those gifts through the manner of living, the efforts and intentions to serve and to offer the perceived gifts as fully as possible create a rhythm of learning, changing, consolidating and preparing for more learning. This cycle, once perceived by an entity, can be cooperated with by that entity, thereby doubling and redoubling the polarity of the incarnational experience and the efficiency of processing the catalyst received.[416]

This inspires my passionate hope! What we want to avoid is the well of indifference, that powerless land of the unpolarized:

Those who are indifferent in your density are those most to be mourned, for as they eat and drink and are merry without regard to serving others or the self, they simply continue in this density of experience, finding upon graduation that they have not graduated, they have not learned to love, they have not learned to turn towards the light, or to use the light. And so they shall be given, not hell, any more than third density is hell, but simply another third-density experience lasting approximately seventy-five thousand of your years.[417]

This is a free choice. We can and may repeat third-density experience in cycles that last forever, if we choose, and there is no tragedy involved. We have all the time we wish to have to be here and make a substantial choice of service. But for awakened spiritual seekers, the usual attitude is to get on with the work, once the nature of the work is seen. It is a fair question to ask how many of us wanderers are here, by seniority of vibration, for “just one more chance” at cracking this choice code! A goodly number, I think![418] Paradoxically, a great asset in coming to this work of polarization is a willingness to surrender our certainties and assumptions, to step aside and just heed what is occurring. Heikki Malaska shares his experience:

I did not know how to resolve a situation of disagreement with another person. I just knew I had had enough of it all. As I was walking along the riverbank, mulling over all this, I found myself unexpectedly in a state of mind where time seemed to stand still for a moment. In that moment I became clearly conscious of having two distinct choices: I could choose to ignore and not believe in all the power and the good I encountered in myself. Choosing that, I would immediately start experiencing want or lack, would start feeling that I did not have what it would take to be glad I was alive. That would lead to competition with everyone else around me, who would feel the same, and so we would all be fighting each other to be able to grasp what we need before someone else gets it. Thus anything I would need, would always come at the cost of someone else’s welfare. But I also realized that in that moment I could choose otherwise. In choosing the other way, creativity immediately opens up in such fashion that there is no way to forecast what will follow, because it will spontaneously be created in the moment it manifests !! and it will always be fresh and new, and for the ultimate good.[419]

And Mike Korinko echoes:

I am on my way once again. It is such a strange feeling to say, “I do not know where I’m going, but I know that the Lord wishes me to walk in this direction.” Life offers so many distractions. It is hard to stay focused. But at times like today, it is so beautiful![420]

Ah, the joy when that happens, when that moment comes and we feel that all is well. Those of Q’uo talk about this surrender:

Who chooses? Allow that thought to dissolve the intellect. Who chooses? If you choose, you are not choiceless. Yet the one who chooses, chooses most skillfully, most humanly, most full of polarity, when the choice is made with the new mind of entirety and wholeness. The one known as Jesus said, “I am come that you might have life, and have it more abundantly.” There is, in the Christ consciousness, that choiceless acceptance of the Creator’s will. There is, for each entity, the same potential for being true to and complete within the personal line of destiny that accompanies the complete freedom of choice: another paradox.[421]

What more challenging concept for the seeker who wishes to make this choice than to be told that in a way, he also must become choiceless!? This is not easy work.

The quality of consciousness which you would call grace is that quality that is nurtured in each seeker, as the seeker is able to open itself to the awareness of the perfection of all creation. Thus, it is also a process of realization. You may, in a moment of great desire, fling all predetermined expectations to the wind and become as hollow as the pipe through which the water moves, and this water for you is grace. The movement of the spirit aligning with your open heart causes the feeling of perfection, purpose, place and identity with all to occur, so that your experience is the perfect reflection of the one Creator smiling through your face.[422]

Will And Faith (As A Polarizing Necessity)

Where does this faith that sparks such spiritual stamina start? How can one acquire this? Melissa repines:

You talk about the burden and sacrifice of living in faith. I don’t suppose I’d terribly mind those things if I had some recognition or sign or positive affirmation, other than, as I said before, the protestations of others, that there was a reason to have faith. I acknowledge that its lack is part of the bleakness in my life. But no matter how celebrated the person, whether it be the writings of Jesus or the words of Lazaris or any number of psychics and/or masters or the subtle hints from faithful friends pushing me in the direction of faith, unless I know what it is I am supposed to have faith in, I come up feeling like a fake.[423]

We are all in Melissa’s boat in our work with faith, for there is no hard evidence of any kind for the efficacy of faith, and it is not an easy thing simply to act as if we had faith. Yet those of Q’uo suggest just that:

Faith is simply that quality that enables those who cannot see into the metaphysical world to act as though they could. In the metaphysical world in which your spirit rests at this precise moment and at all moments, you are a larger being by far. You have chosen many, many things about your present experience that have deep reasons for being as they are. Faith is a matter of trusting that this experience is on the track that you intended it to be before you came.[424]

So what exactly is it to have faith? Q’uo says:

Faith is not faith in anything. Faith is the knowing of things that are not seen, the sureness that one is in the right place. Faith is illogical and cannot be defended rationally, and yet the more time that you spend in this room within the deep mind the more you shall flower as an entity, able to do that work which each truly came to do. For, indeed, what do you wish to control? Over what do you wish to have power? In things of the spirit, those who work within service-to-others polarity will find that there is only one area which needs work. It is not the world that needs work. It is not others that need to change. It is the self that is the province and the realm over which each entity has the right to work, to hope, to dream and to walk that spiritual path.[425]

What those of Q’uo say about belief versus faith deserves a closer look. 245, A Californian with a background in the more esoteric realms of computer skill and an amazing ability to heal and communicate with her garden, says:

There is a fundamental difference between belief and faith. Anyone can just “believe”; no one can just “faith.” Without action, faith just lies there inert. In the movie Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, Harrison Ford has to take a “leap of faith” even though he can’t see the walkway. Unless you take the leap, and no, it is never easy, you will always doubt, no matter how much you “believe.” To answer the call, you must make the leap. Perhaps it is this last item that requires the most recklessness. It isn’t enough to stick your toe in the pool; you have to jump.[426]

And those of Q’uo agree:

Knowledge has nothing to do with faith. Dogma and doctrine are deadly enemies of faith. To live a life in faith is simply to say, “I have faith that I am a survivor, that I am held in the gentle arms of a kindly Creator, that that which is happening to me right now is what is supposed to be happening to me right now.”[427]

That sounds lovely, does it not? To say, “What is happening is right for me, no matter what it looks like.” But of course, depending on the outer picture, this statement often requires a huge leap of faith. A leap is a sudden movement, a springing or jumping from one place to another. We’re not talking cautious steps here, we are talking about the archetypal leap of the fool into mid-air. Those of Q’uo speak more upon this:

Faith is not something that you may buy or something that you may work towards. Faith is something that comes to you after you take the leap into empty space. Once you are falling you feel that emotional parachute and you know what faith truly is, but you must jump first.[428]

This requires us to release all fear:

Faith is simply faith that the Creator that made all that there is, including you, is a Creator of infinite and intelligent love, that it loved you as part of itself, as a child to nurture, as a personality from which to learn about itself, as all parents learned from their children. Aiming toward living a life in faith is nothing more than releasing fear, and allowing that which is to be, to be.[429]

In this release of fear and surrender to trust, we bid faith to enter our lives:

Keep in mind that it is faith that you are attempting to express in your life and in your being. Faith does not make sense. Faith gives one no avenue to pride. Faith seems to be the slenderest of all reeds to cling to, and yet the soul who lives by faith, the spirit who clings to faith, the one who refuses to let it go, is that spirit which shall achieve advances in polarity, and this is an achievement that redounds not to the incarnational self alone but to the eternal and infinite self.[430]

It may seem that we are quite alone in this effort to polarize by living a life in faith. In a way, we are. Each of us does this process for himself. In another way, we do have the staunchest possible ally: our deeper and more real selves:

The real work of living a life in faith is living it within this illusion, at this time, with no evidence of glory or perfection outstanding. The challenge is to feel the glory and the majesty of creation, to feel the life that is lived now, to feel one’s self opening as a flower to the Creator. These memories of aid do not truly help the émigré to earth, for it is here that each spirit has chosen to make, once again, that great choice, of service to others or service to self. And we may have all come with balanced karma, but we will not leave unless that karma remains balanced. Consequently, we urge each in this sort of dream experience to acknowledge that you perhaps had unusual adventures. But remember always that you are here to love and to accept love, to be wise and accept wisdom, to feel the time, to feel the space that is the appropriate time for each thing.[431]

Did we really want to take up an exercise program for the spirit? Apparently so!

It is not easy to live a life in faith. Indeed, the more intense one’s faith becomes, the more central and important, the more it is tested in the fire of experience, for faith is not rigid, it is flexible, adaptable, accepting. It allows people their own paths. It allows people to find a way to eternity. It allows people to be where they are without regrets for them, because of the sure knowledge that one day they will awaken to their true self, to the I AM, and they will turn to seek the way, and the truth, and the life that is theirs in eternity.[432]

Or we can gain courage by imaging our lives as gifts to the Creator:

For if it is understood by faith that faith is the journey, and that the deepest faith is that all that is with one and being experienced by one is that which is correct, then one may simply turn the attention to being, for each entity is a story within the mind of the Creator, and each incarnation a small gift, a bouquet, a scent upon the wind which informs and blesses the Creator as that infinite entity learns ever more about Itself.[433]

There is a feeling of real joy when that moment comes wherein we are feeling the Creator and the forces of light lifting us up:

Those who feel instinctively that the Creator is an unifying, loving and nurturing Creator are those which discover faith in one way; that is, the positive path of polarization through service to the infinite One and to other selves, the images of the infinite One. Those who choose to see the Creator of judgment, righteousness and law are those who wish control, control over the life, control over the self, control over others, that there be no surprises, but that all be reckoned ahead of time, safe and tidy.[434]

How true it is that a positively polarizing wanderer’s life is seldom tidy!

As one gazes up to the stars, one realizes the face of the Creator, as it is written in your holy works, moving across the face of the waters of your consciousness. And there is an intuition that says to this intelligence, far or near, “I place and give my faith to this kindly, loving, nurturing Creator; I offer my trust.”[435]

Words like “kindly” do not at all times seem to me to catch the essence of the Creator, from within the difficulties of experience. I am biased, naturally. Here is another point at which to invoke faith. And in this regard, once again we come upon suggestions that meditation is most helpful to a spiritual seeker:

Those things which aid in connecting the faith deep within to the conscious mind include first of all the regular meditation, for in the silence of meditation connections from within the deep mind are being made and information is flowing. Also, we suggest the encouragement within the self of praise and thanksgiving for all, large and small, of the ephemeral world that may meet the senses. Prayer, praise and thanksgiving are three resources that add and strengthen the connection to faith.[436]

As we think of faith in regard to polarity, we must reckon with the fact that faith aids polarity; polarity is what we came here to work on in terms of our own learning, and it is our responsibility to act:

In this system and density of Logos’ design, extremes in polarity are the reality. Consider: We have bodies here in the third density for a reason: to interact with physical reality. Since the infinite Creator gives us a wonderful toolbox of senses and abilities in these bodies, doesn’t it make sense to know how to use the tools of body/mind/spirit in harmony? We are going to need all the help we can get to stay focused during the “inconveniences.” Wake up!!!! We are on the other side of the bell curve, folks! I have every intention of being in service all the way out, and my path is action.[437]

Heikki does know how to get a point across! Our path is action, and yet we need to be extremely conscious of the law of free will: our rights end at the tip of our nose. We are doing well to work upon ourselves. We are fools to set out to alter, change or improve others. Those of Ra say:

The Law of Confusion or Free Will is utterly paramount in the workings of the infinite creation. That which is intended has as much intensity of attraction to the polar opposite as the intensity of the intention or desire. Thus those whose desires are shallow or transitory experience only ephemeral configurations of what might be called the magical circumstance. There is a turning point, a fulcrum which swings as a mind/body/spirit complex tunes its will to service. If this will and desire is for service to others, the corresponding polarity will be activated. We may note that such a configuration of free will, one-pointed in service to others, also has the potential for the alerting of a great mass of light strength. This positive light strength, however, operates also under free will and must be invoked. We could not speak to this and shall not guide you, for the nature of this contact is such that the purity of your free will must, above all things, be preserved. Thus you wend your way through experiences discovering those biases which may be helpful.[438]

Think of ourselves as seed sowers, Johnny Appleseeds of the spirit. Offer a thought when the time seems right, then drop the subject and move on with equanimity. A person will hear us when it is her time to awaken, not before. Trust the alarm clock each of us has set. We are all on schedule. We can choose to accelerate that schedule, but only for ourselves. It is important not to worry about the negative polarity as we work on our positive polarity:

Would that we could guide you to one writing which made all things clear, one set of symbols in which there was no doubt of clear meaning, no confusion as to extraneous detail. We cannot, for there is no construction made of words and concepts which is not also a group of symbols, and in the end that which you know of good and evil abide not in symbols but in essences. Essences are felt by the deepest heart and mind of an entity so that there is recognition and knowingness of that which is, shall we say, morally pleasing and morally distasteful. As you gaze upon this age which many find full of lies and therefore evil, look upon the essences of people, relationships and the stewardship of that which is seemingly evil, money, and find within yourself the positive truth-affirming, life-affirming characteristics and attributes of people, relationships and stewardship which can be brought to bear upon each and every situation. For this is not AN age. This, my children, is YOUR age, and no mark of any beast can shape the rhythm of your own creation. We have no desire to play down the loyal opposition which challenges us and makes us learn to be strong. We wish only to correct any tendency towards feeling that one is in the grip of evil or in any way limited or governed by the apparent world view. To many this is indeed the age of the beast. We find this among the peoples, this attitude of many greatly disturbed, greatly in pain, but accepting many symbols as essences. Knowing that love created all and that the great original Thought of love forms the heart of all that there is, we ask you to be satisfied only with the essences of things. Thus may you find sunshine in dark places, and thus may your discrimination steer you from unexpected shadows which others may not see. It is your experience, your creation, your living. We ask you to join with us in seeking the Creator, without fear and with an ever-mounting desire to touch again and again the wonderful light-filled mystery of consciousness.[439]

The message is just to let the world wag as it will, and work on ourselves. Of course, we wish to be of service. But in terms of polarity, our arena is self, not others. Those who try to work on others’ polarity for their own good are actually service-to-self in orientation, though their desire to serve may be genuine:

Questioner: Many so-called evangelists which we have in our society at present have great desire and very great will, and possibly great polarity, but it seems to me that in many cases that there is a lack of awareness that creates a less than effective working in the magical sense. Am I correct in this analysis?

Ra: I am Ra. You are partially correct. In examining the polarity of a service-to-others working, the free will must be seen as paramount. Those entities of which you speak are attempting to generate positive changes in consciousness while abridging free will. This causes the blockage of the magical nature of the working except in those cases wherein an entity freely desires to accept the working of the evangelist, as you have called it.[440]

There are always those attracted by service-to-self charisma, and willing to follow the leader. How to guarantee free will? Deny any proof! One thing I have come to believe wholeheartedly is that there will never be any substantive proof in third density for any spiritual realization, concept or understanding. We must choose quite freely:

Questioner: What was the orientation with respect to this type of communication for the one known as Jesus of Nazareth?

Ra: I am Ra. You may have read some of this entity’s workings. It offered itself as teacher to those mind/body/spirit complexes which gathered to hear and even then spoke as through a veil so as to leave room for those not wishing to hear. When this entity was asked to heal, it oft times did so, always ending the working with two admonitions: firstly, that the entity healed had been healed by its faith, that is, its ability to allow and accept changes through the violet-ray into the gateway of intelligent energy; secondly, saying always, “Tell no one.” These are the workings which attempt the maximal quality of free will while maintaining fidelity to the positive purity of the working.[441]

And in this process of realization, the purity of our desire for being of more service to others, that polarity which we have already acquired, is most helpful:

There are two elements at work when you are working upon polarity. One is faith. One is desire. Look to your desire that it may be of the highest and the best that you know. Look to the true and the good and the beautiful and hew as best you can to the high road, keeping in mind always that it is intention, not manifestation, that is important in the metaphysical universe of time/space.[442]

Karen Eck, a wanderer who remembers being from Andromeda, offers a good example of focusing and purifying her desire:

I got into my car and drove to California, giving my life to Holy Spirit, knowing that I would be taken care of and things would work out very well. I wrote down what I wanted to manifest for housing after I landed a job and got pretty close. Which reminds me, that’s what I need to do here: write down the best scenario I can think of for being in this place where I now find myself.[443]

This does not always work as smoothly as it did for Karen, but to sharpen and hone the desire, by affirmation and reflection, prayer and meditation, is always a wise thing. Which brings us to the use of our will:

The development of faith and will is in large part a development of the will to seek and the faith to keep on seeking. A persistent, sustained seeking throughout an incarnation, regardless of any results that appear within the incarnation, is in our opinion the very best gift which can be created by you. You are creating a life, and you shall not be done in that great career until your last breath has left the physical vehicle and you yourself move from space/time into the time/space of metaphysical life, that greater life which you hunger for while caught within the clumsy prison of the physical vehicle. You shall be light and free. You shall be full of light and full of freedom. Yet, here and now, within the prison of the earthly body, is your great chance to be faithful to your own consciousness.[444]

Caile Rain, a wonderfully ebullient, spiritually oriented and tuneful Gaelic singing group, has a song story about a man who has been fairly selfish all his life, though a good enough person. When he gets to heaven after death, the man cannot wait to be shown his new mansion, but St. Peter takes him to a wee little cabin of old, poorly built wood. “What happened to my beautiful house in heaven?” the man asks. “Well,” says St. Peter, “That’s all the lumber you sent!” It is well to work while one has the day. This is a precious moment, this life. Let us see our good works as lumber sent ahead to heaven to build our eternal home. I am more deeply convinced of this as I live the longer.

The nature of faith is that it is what one claims it is. Questioning faith is useful only in the context of a life in faith where the seeker has become able to posit faith as the promise that never becomes a lie, regardless of all appearances. Thusly, faith is often quite incomprehensible. However, faith is served by the simple act of will, the refusal to stop believing. We commend this to the attention of all seekers. The simple assertion of a life in faith creates, when persistently invoked, the life in faith. Harder and more rewarding work for the spiritual seeker can not be conceived.[445]

Focusing on the love in the moment or situation is an aid to polarizing:

We encourage each student to think of itself as responsible in that the will of the infinite Creator is that there be love. Each is love, and each experiences love. This is that which is the truth insofar as we know it.[446]

It is especially important to remember that there is no end to love when dealing with negatively oriented entities:

The negative path is very difficult, but it can be walked and light can be learned in its many uses, this [way as well] as positively. Therefore, it behooves the student of positive polarity constantly to exercise the will to polarize further towards positivity, and when negativity is viewed, to stop and give that entity the honor of an unstinting love, of a generous prayer that it may held upward, that it may be protected, that it may be cherished and loved as a child of the one infinite Creator.[447]

Planetary Polarity

In the concept of polarity in the physical sense, there is included the concept of the compound magnet, which is two or more magnets with the same charge pointing the same way, so that the fields combine. It seems to me that in an important way, we as spiritual beings become, first magnetized, and then, as the learning deepens, magnets. So I asked Bruce Peret if we as a planetary body of awakened wanderers would be a compound magnet, and if we would have an advance in power over what we could offer on our own. Bruce replied:

Joining two magnets doubles the magnetic field; three triple it. It is a straight, linear progression. The only tangible difference is that a larger magnet can affect a larger area, and the area within the magnet, itself, becomes coherent. But, of course, we are still talking in first density here, with magnets. If you take the logical extrapolation, a third-density “biological magnetic field” would increase exponentially by joining together. The densities could be enumerated as: first density = 0 (base), second density = 1, third density = 2. You would then take this density enumeration, and raise it to the power of the number of individuals working in harmony, either STS or STO. It doesn’t matter in first density, since “0” raised to any power is always “0.” It also doesn’t matter in second density, since “1” raised to any power is also “1.” However, in third density, “2” raised to a power can make a radical difference to the overall field strength. A single person, 2^1 = 2. Two people: 2^2 = 4. Three: 2^3 = 8. Twenty people, 2^20 = 1,048,576. Twenty people of third density can produce a similar field strength of over a million entities of second density. Quite a difference.[448]

I hope this computation of the possibilities of conscious work as a group encourages us all to be aware of, and lean into, a daily remembrance of dedicating just a bit of time to planetary work. We can be a part of a very powerful force for positivity.

Pride, Fear, Judgment And Spiritual Gravity

Now let us look at a few things that can block work in polarizing. The attitude of separation, which may also be described often as the attitude based on how things look on the surface, can be very damaging, and has been in Earth’s history:

All levels of your civilization have been eaten by something which we would call a cancer, and that is the cancer of separation, not knowing that all beings are one and that what is done to another is done to one’s self. We see you do those things which involve the concept of two beings; that involve the concept of an enemy or a competitor; that involve the concept of a wall between. This limits communication and increases hostility. And eventually these vibrations sink into the planet itself. That which is most sensitive to these vibrations, the crust or the mantle of the Earth, begins to move and drastically realign itself, attempting to relieve the tensions of the planetary consciousness. Thus, yes, your people have caused these things over thousands of years.[449]

Pride certainly does not help:

It is not ever necessary that others grasp who you are or what you are doing. It is acceptable, in our opinion, to be misunderstood, mis-valued, or mis-estimated. It is acceptable for others to think better of you than you think appropriate just as it is acceptable for others to think less. Release ownership of who you are. You cannot fly away from who you are, yet how closely you clutch and cling to this identity and attempt to torture it into ever more excellent details of behavior, appearance, conduct and thought! Yet, you are asked only to love and worship a mystery and to embrace others just as you embrace, forgive, and accept yourself.[450]

Judgment is insidious. I find myself bursting with opinions at the drop of a sentence. And fear is the single dynamic which separates and denies the love of our innocent hearts. Let us be fearless when it comes to being kind to people and finding ways to spread a smile and a gesture of reassurance when we are able. Let us see all those who come before us as angels unawares.

Sexual Polarity

We will take a longer look at the issue of sexual polarity in Chapter Nine, which is about sex, but here, in this consideration of polarity, we pause to see that sexual polarity is very powerful as a force attracting people within our density. Bruce Peret notes:

You are not really dealing with a single polarity, but three: electrical, magnetic and gravitic, all active, and all influencing your thoughts. It is interesting to note that the erotic attracting, though the most fleeting, is also the strongest.[451]

Those of Q’uo add:

All polarity has its first expression in red ray, so whether you express this energy or are celibate, it does not matter, for if you know and respect the goodness of that basic energy it will well up within as the never-failing spring, always life giving, always life enhancing.[452]

The Ra say:

In your bisexual natures there is that which is of polarity. This polarity may be seen to be variable according to the, shall we say, male/female polarization of each entity, be each entity biologically male or female. Thus you may see the magnetism which two entities with the appropriate balance, male/female versus female/male polarity, meeting and thus feeling the attraction which polarized forces will exert, one upon the other. This is the strength of the bisexual mechanism. It does not take an act of will to decide to feel attraction for one who is oppositely polarized sexually. It will occur in an inevitable sense giving the free flow of energy a proper, shall we say, avenue. This avenue may be blocked by some distortion toward a belief/condition stating to the entity that this attraction is not desired. However, the basic mechanism functions as simply as would, shall we say, the magnet and the iron.[453]

Those of Q’uo expands on this tendency to attraction:

Depending upon the polarities involved, one entity in such an energy exchange is able to fall into an open circuit which allows the two entities who are polarized to circulate the shared energy back and forth, around and around. In this expression one of the polarities will be sharing physical energy. The other will be sharing its excess of spiritual/emotional energy. Although it is most often true that the biological female will share the emotional and spiritual energies whereas the male will share its excess of physical energy, this is not always the polarity which two entities will discover, for many biological males have the excess of spiritual energy. Many biological females have an excess of physical energy.[454]

I feel sure that I am one female who has inspiration aplenty to share in terms of energy exchange, but not one iota of physical energy. I have gained a great deal through the years by fortuitous energy exchanges of a sexual nature, both of abundant physical energy and wonderful inspirational and devotional energy, with my mate, Jim McCarty. And he feels strongly that he has gained much of inspiration from our times together. As we get older, the nature of our sexual activity may change. It does for most people if they live long enough. Many experience impotence. We may. But this energy exchange we have available will always be possible, as long as we desire to offer it to each other, and take the time to share intimate touch and loving feeling, and a desire to be sacred in our intimate unity.

Life Beyond Polarity

Is there life beyond polarity? Certainly. The creation as a whole, its stars and star systems, does not have polarity. It is we, in our individuated form through these densities three through part of six, that experience it. And we may always move beyond considerations of polarity and dynamic, at any moment, within our hearts and minds, to come to rest in unity:

Within each evolutionary journey, within each density of illusion, within each incarnational pattern, each moment and each thought, there is the interaction and interplay of the positive and the negative polarity that is the fabric of all creation. Thus does each seeker recapitulate the essence of the one Creator, and when accomplished in a directed fashion, this process presents to each seeker the ever-expanding opportunity to grasp more and more of its nature as the One.[455]

Chapter Seven: Doing Metaphysical Work

The Discipline Of The Personality

Having guarded us about with statements about the necessity of preceding work in consciousness with persistent and conscientious daily work in keeping the lower bodily energy centers clear, I feel ready to share information on doing the adept’s work, or work in consciousness, within the upper energy centers. The seats of this work are the green, blue and indigo rays or chakras, although much pure work is done in indigo alone, regardless of other centers used. The energies of the seeker will suggest in which of his energy centers the work done will reside, whether the indigo of completely inner work, the blue of clear teaching and communication, and/or the green ray of healing and compassionate understanding. Don Elkins asks those of Ra:

Questioner: How do disciplines of the personality feed the indigo-ray energy center?

Ra: The disciplined personality, when faced with an other-self, has all centers balanced according to its unique balance. Thusly the other-self looks in a mirror seeing its self.

Questioner: The disciplines of the personality are the paramount work of any who have become consciously aware of the process of evolution. Am I correct on that statement?

Ra: I am Ra. Quite. The heart of the discipline of the personality is threefold. One, know your self. Two, accept your self. Three, become the Creator. The third step is that step which, when accomplished, renders one the most humble servant of all, transparent in personality and completely able to know and accept other-selves. In relation to the pursuit of the magical working, the continuing discipline of the personality involves the adept in knowing its self, accepting its self, and thus clearing the path towards the great indigo gateway to the Creator. To become the Creator is to become all that there is. There is, then, no personality in the sense with which the adept begins its learn/teaching. As the consciousness of the indigo ray becomes more crystalline, more work may be done; more may be expressed from intelligent infinity.[456]

The instructions, on the face of it, are simple: know yourself, accept yourself, become the Creator. This is a more challenging statement, calling one to the self-acceptance necessary to accept others, the becoming of the Creator that allows one to see all as one with the self and loved as the self. We are trying to get the measure of our personalities here, those shells of gifts and biases with which we equipped ourselves to sally forth into this world of shadow, service and learning. I believe that is exactly what our surface selves really amount to, just a shell, a personality shell we shall shed at death as a butterfly lifts her wings to the sunlight to glisten and dry and flies free of the cocoon altogether. We can certainly get through this life without once glimpsing our deeper and more abiding nature. But we accelerate the pace of our spiritual evolution by focusing consciously on knowing and accepting the self at a deeper and deeper level. Those of Q’uo say:

Basically you are attempting, through the choices you make, to become more aware of who you really are and what your personal truth consists in. As you came into this incarnational experience you were looking forward to the opportunity to enter into the transforming of the self alchemically with great enthusiasm and gusto, for the veil of forgetting was not yet in place and you saw the incredible opportunity to learn and to serve in the name of love. And like all those who are not in the thick of things you thought it would be easier than it turned out to be.[457]

It turns out that transformation through discipline is a lot harder than it seems from the outside of this experience looking in. We thought we would remember past the veil of forgetting, too, and look at the time it took most of us to remember who we really are! Karin Pekarcik points out that we can drown ourselves in our environment too deeply to hear our own thoughts:

Others may say I spend too much time alone. Yet this is the time when I can truly find myself. If you are constantly surrounded by other people and their non-stop talk, how can you even hear yourself? There is too much commotion to find yourself. Thus, you go through life living through other people’s perceptions and visions. Listening to the talk show host on the radio or television narrows your perspective into their view of life. Reading the daily newspaper first thing in the morning sets your day along their perceived views. It tends to bring about a dark cloud of separatism and negative programming. Why not take some time and find out what your view of life is, instead of incorporating other peoples’ perceptions? Why not be original and true to yourself for a change? Why not take time to think your own thoughts? Maybe you have something more important to say. You will never know if you don’t give it a chance. Challenge yourself to think through your perceptions of life. Where did they come from? Were they developed early in your life by your parents? Teachers? Ministers? Priests? Superiors? Are they appropriate for you now, or are you just comfortable with them because you have become them? It is too easy to slide through life not questioning, just getting by, staying the same no matter what.[458]

Q’uo talks about accepting the self:

The first gift of the spiritual wayfarer is the time and the energy to move within, to work upon the discipline of the personality, that more and more of the personality may be imbued with the indigo ray of joyful, accepting love of self.[459]

This is such good advice! It is very hard advice to take, for we know our thoughts, and some of them are hard to accept as they arise. But persevere. We need to accept our whole selves as we are. Only that which is accepted can readily be transformed. The Laitos give us an overview of the third instruction: to become the Creator:

We are aware that entities upon your planet at this time seek with great intensity the meaning of their lives and a path which might bring them that which might be called enlightenment. Many are the ways which your peoples have chosen to seek this path throughout the history of your planet. Each path has provided integral pieces of the puzzle, shall we say, which are most necessary for the sincere seeker to utilize in the polarization of the self to a degree which is, shall we say, harvestable. Many such paths have produced those called the saints, the avatars, the gurus, each of which, through disciplined exercises of many kinds, has been able to balance the centers of energy in your body/mind/spirit complex to a degree that is necessary for this harvest into the next density of the illusion of the one Creator. Each discipline, while providing a viable path for the spiritual evolution, also contains those facets which may be considered distortions or misapprehensions of certain spiritual qualities and descriptions. It is our humble understanding that the path of spiritual evolution must be one which is strait and narrow and of some considerable length, traveling through many illusions and densities with the one goal: of becoming one with the Creator. What this means for each entity in any illusion is that the in-streamings of the love/light of the one Creator are available for use by each entity. This love/light or prana [is] being channeled through the energy centers or chakras, if you will, in such a manner that the light is used efficiently, each density providing the seeker of union with a greater intensity of light.[460]

So this third instruction, to become the Creator, is one we begin here in third density, but pursue throughout the present octave of densities until we return to the source, having truly, at last, become once again the Creator from which we sprang.

Here is how to be joyful: upon the arising, turn to the infinite One and, instant by instant, turn again to the infinite One, again and again, in all things giving thanks; in all conditions rejoicing. Turn again to the infinite One and rest in that peace which truly the world does not know. Joy is a living energy as powerful and as effective a teacher as sorrow. However, it demands of the seeker a self-imposed discipline of the personality which looks beyond ease and comfort and energizes and exhorts the self again and again unceasingly to rejoice, give praise and offer thanksgiving to the infinite One.[461]

As we offer praise, prayer and thanksgiving, we do become more like that deity to whom we speak, and who speaks in silence and power in return.

Forgiveness

In working with the self, the most powerful tool we have is forgiveness. The mind brings us lots of information about our situation which we can analyze, but that takes us just so far. We’re left feeling unworthy:

Problem is I don’t know how to love myself, at least not yet. I’m learning how at the age of 25. I don’t want to be so hard on myself but I don’t know how [to stop]. How do I go easier on myself? How do I love myself better?[462]

***

This part about judging is a very difficult one to deal with. It is so easy to fall into berating oneself for even the smallest thing. And then there’s judging others, which is equally difficult and such an enormous challenge. It is just something I have to keep working at and try not to get upset when I “fail.”[463]

Self judgment is so very natural. Those of Hatonn say:

You will hold yourself accountable again and again, and must go through the pain of your own damnation. Yet always the handle of the door to faith is ready to be turned, but you as a spirit must turn it, and must go through that door into self-forgiveness and awareness of infinite redemption and newness, a resting place for all eternity. It takes very little faith to do very, very much, so you need not attempt to live entirely faithful lives, when first you get the idea to live faithfully, but rather see yourself as one whose journey is one of learning, and whose way of learning is that of making the errors and correcting them. For in learning it would not be possible to be always correct, else one would not be learning, one would have nothing to learn. Thus, you may gaze at yourself with mercy, for you are learning, and you are a beginner.[464]

We remain beginners. How do we begin to forgive? Those of Q’uo say to want to is enough:

The desire to forgive is enough with which to begin. If one places conditions upon the forgiveness, then one is beginning in a fashion which will yet require refinement, for to forgive another truly one must erase all conditions. There is the giving of freedom by removing conditions, the allowing and accepting of free will by removing conditions. The gift freely given is the one with the greatest value, shall we say.[465]

It seems a lot easier to forgive others than to forgive the self. We can even feel triumphant as we find our ability to let people off the hook:

Thinking, feeling that someone has done something to me is the thought and feeling of a victim: “I am someone’s victim. That person victimized me.” It’s the power of the illusion that allows us to divide between the victim and the victimizer. The thought that I need to forgive or be forgiven is an expression of illusion. I prefer to think that I create the things that happen in my life as opportunities to grow. If someone does something to me, I have two choices: be a victim, or recognize that I arranged with this person on another level to have this experience with me. This person has agreed to be my catalyst. This person is giving me a gift. It is then for me to recognize the purpose of the lesson, release the person of responsibility for my discomfort, physically, mentally and emotionally, and then be thankful for the opportunity.[466]

These are authentic statements of lessons learned, but in general, loving others is by far easier than loving and forgiving the self, and Mary’s note about this reveals the amount of effort behind her “Aha!” experience:

Please be my witness. I forgive myself for my place in all of my transgressions. “LIGHT BULB”!! That’s what it means in The Lord’s Prayer when we pray “Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” It’s been there all the time right in front of my nose.[467]

Those of Latwii say:

You come to a respect, and an honoring, and a loving, and a nurturing of yourself. The key to forgiveness of others is the forgiveness of the self. Release, release, release, give back to the forces of the universe those energies which are easily absorbed in infinity, and leave them not to pollute your own feelings, your mind or your heart, but rather let forgiveness flow as a sweet river under the surface of all that you do and say.[468]

Sweet, peaceful, powerful forgiveness! How clarifying it feels when it comes! That’s the thing about self-judgment, and judgment in general, it distorts perceptions and destroys peace. What wanderers writing in to me express the most is that wonderful feeling of relief when they see that they can set themselves free of the mistakes of the past by forgiving themselves in the present:

Your question: What advice do you have to give other wanderers? My answer: forgive yourself, love is your centre, forgive others, love is the centre of all. First connect with your centre, then you will know the centre of all. Go forth and co-create with the all, new dreams, new realities, a new beginning.[469]

Wonderful advice. Begin anew, and be free. It may hurt too much to feel free right away:

When forgiveness takes place, there is a little death, and sometimes not so very small a death, indeed, for sometimes that which is to be forgiven has been held in a hard heart for a long time. It is natural to fear death, yet the road to joy, or shall we say, the way to perceive joy along the road we all travel is to rush towards whatever oblivion must be embraced in order to forgive, for the creation that springs forth from the heart to one who has truly forgiven is a beautiful and fresh manifestation.[470]

So the end of the little death of letting go of judgment is a new world, in which we see with new eyes:

In forgiveness is personal freedom. When you are in a state of fearlessness and forgiveness then you may see with clearer eyes that which you wish to do that shows the most compassion for all concerned.[471]

Marty Upson puts it this way:

I feel forgiving oneself doesn’t necessarily have to mean reinforcing any negative characteristic or action. It can merely be the acceptance of what was/is, exactly as it was/is/will be, including an acceptance of the illusion of needing forgiveness. Some years ago, some of my closest friends were bemoaning the past, all eighteen years of it, and things that they had done or not done. They were caught up in tremendous feelings of guilt and regret. They confronted me when I honestly did not feel any regrets. They grilled me for hours, thinking for sure there must be something I regretted. I realized sometime before that, after beating myself up over such things, that in each case I had done the best I could at each particular stage of my evolution. Even the times I did nothing or was lazy or whatever, it was still the best I could have done at the time. I had learned something in each and every situation, and could not see having regrets for such learning or experiences. It was perfect for the moment and it is perfect still. It could not have been any other way than how it was at that space/time. That makes it perfect. I cannot feel the need for forgiveness of self or another when I see the perfection in all of it. Perhaps that IS what forgiveness of self IS: absolving the thought against our self or other self is setting it free; releasing it.[472]

Marty makes it sound do-able! Her sage attitude has enabled her to shepherd a couple of good wanderer groups through the years, the current one being wanderers2000@egroups.com. If what she suggests seems impossible to us, we are not alone! It seems hard, sometimes, to ask for help. But that is what we need to do. Those of Q’uo encourage us:

It is not possible to either forgive self or other self without a release of that self and an acceptance of help, for there is help at the core of your being waiting to be accessed, waiting to be asked. For the infinite Creator, in infinite love and infinite patience, sits in a humble chair in a little corner of your heart, waiting to be called upon, waiting to be brought into the center of the heart, waiting to be noticed, waiting to be asked. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with deity and that Logos was deity, and that deity is love, and that love is you. At the heart of your being lie all the resources that you will ever, ever need. At the heart of your being lies infinite truth, infinite power, infinite strength.[473]

If we cannot seem to go within and find that truth, power and strength, that is what prayer and meditation are for:

If you wish to speed the process of forgiveness, may we suggest that you take the object which has not been forgiven by you and hold that object within the heart and mind, enveloped and encircled in light, light infinite and light illimitable, hoping and praying for every good for that which you cannot forgive. Thus, you are engaging a deeper portion of yourself to begin opening doors, so that that which is unforgivable to the conscious mind slowly becomes that which must be forgiven. It cannot be forced; it cannot be taught. And when someone attempts to persuade the seeker into forgiveness, and does so on its own energy, then as soon as the intermediary removes itself, the hardness of heart returns.[474]

That hardness of heart can also be seen to be a kind of disease that actually affects the health:

Questioner: Then you are saying that cancer is quite easily healed mentally and is a good teaching tool because it is easily healed mentally and once the entity forgives the other-self at whom he is angry the cancer will disappear. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is partially correct. The other portion of healing has to do with forgiveness of self and a greatly heightened respect for the self. This may conveniently be expressed by taking care in dietary matters. This is quite frequently a part of the healing and forgiving process. Your basic premise is correct.[475]

We can look at physical disease as it manifests in ourselves and ask our inner selves if there is anger, resentment, judgment or other negative emotional material trapped in the body. For example, I feel sure that the onset of severe symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis in my life at age 25 were related to my first husband’s leaving me that March, and Don Elkins first asking me to marry him that November, and then deciding he really did not want to be married in the earthly sense. I had the illness diagnosed when I was thirteen, but it did not trouble me until this tough time in 1968, twelve years later. I have worked with and greatly improved my health now, but by the time I was able to come to the very heart of forgiveness, the initial damage, showing on x-rays, was done, and I live with those changes in my body. It might have helped if I had been given a strong sense of self-worth as a child, but I had two perfectionists for parents, and their relating to me was largely based on the techniques of criticism and asking, “What is wrong with this picture?” Those of Q’uo say:

There are crystallized nuggets of pain, emotional and spiritual pain, that are locked deeply within the personality and character of each seeker. Any attempt to analyze or therapize them into a new configuration is limited in its success because it is not seen by most therapeutic entities that the issue is forgiveness. The deeply buried programming and crystals of pain are seen as that which need to be taken out, to be pulled up by the roots; seen, in other words, as weeds in a garden. And yet this approach only tends to build walls thick enough to protect one from those crystallized areas of pain without coming into a balanced awareness of that pain. One cannot give it away. One can only give away what one has forgiven one’s self for feeling, and the triggers for this forgiveness are different for each seeker. The key, however, is forgiveness of self, forgiveness of others, forgiveness of humanity.[476]

Those of Laitos add:

Whenever you catch yourself being negative about the self, remind yourself that you are an orphan on a very unusual planet, and that you must mother yourself and nurture yourself and care within your heart for yourself, until those sore and painful places are indeed nurtured and healed at last, until there is forgiveness and redemption within the knowledge of the heart, not only of the mind. Then may you tune upwards, seeking ever higher for a more beautiful, lovely and perfect ideal, a more clarified and fine version of love divine.[477]

Those of Ra tell us that even planet Earth can be healed with forgiveness:

Questioner: Can you describe the mechanism of the planetary healing?

Ra: I am Ra. Healing is a process of acceptance, forgiveness and, if possible, restitution. The restitution not being available in time/space, there are many among your peoples now attempting restitution while in the physical.[478]

I hope we do continue to make some progress towards healing the planet we have come to for this life. It will thrive more and more as we heal our own selves with forgiveness.

Re-Seeing The Self

Maturation is often a process in which we are redefining ourselves. As children, we learn to individuate ourselves from our parents and in puberty we run a merry race with our rapidly changing bodies and feelings. Spiritually speaking, we never stop going through this process of redefining and re-seeing ourselves. Heikki Malaska shares an experience:

In the middle of normal activities, in full waking consciousness, I started hearing a voice talk to me softly and quietly inside my head. I engaged in a conversation with it, and eventually asked for guidance to a problem, and definitely got more than I was bargaining for, because the reply was: “The source of all problems is the sorrow which arises, when you regard your self-made images as real.”[479]

“Our self-made images” is a good way of saying our personality shells and our egos. We repeatedly change this self-image in life, transforming ourselves from child to adult, from daughter to mother or son to father, from taker to giver. Those of Q’uo say:

This is a process which must partake of the breaking or shedding of the older ways of perceiving, of thinking and of doing so that there might be made a place for a new way of perceiving and of bringing forth that quality of compassion and understanding that has long been hidden within the hearts of many who have incarnated with the desire that they may show forth this energy of love that will aid not only their own evolutionary growth but will enhance the opportunity to be of service to others and will also lighten the planetary vibrations as a whole.[480]

Those clues and inklings within ourselves that presage change are sometimes mighty tough to grasp, and things can get bumpy:

Right now I am in the midst of the second major metamorphosis of my life. It has been very difficult and very painful. I am questioning things that I thought I would never question, wanting to do things I thought I’d never want to do. All the things that were right and good in my life no longer feel right or even important to me. I am feeling a great deal of betrayal because I thought what “was” was how it would always be. This has caused anger and resentment, as if I had found out I was going to die. My old self is dying, and she’s fighting to hang on; my new self is angry that she’s being held back, but it’s not her time yet. Much anger on both sides. Add this to a naturally explosive nature and, well, bear with me as I work through this transition.[481]

My last big metamorphosis was in 1992. I really relate to what Romi is saying here, for my old self did die. I was quite aware of it, and ready for that to happen, I just didn’t want to die with her. Since I was, at the time, physically sick unto death, I barely made it, and it is with great gratitude that I praise Jesus Christ, the intervention of Mother Mary and the Saints and the prayers of so many people here on Earth for helping me to survive what was clearly a death process. That version of myself which died was what I have since thought of as the “Alrac” model. Don Elkins always called me that nickname, which is my name, Carla, spelled backwards. Don’s unspoken but inexorable need was to have me entirely dependent on him and free to move at any time in any direction he chose. He strongly resisted all my attempts at working for a living, except to help him. So at the beginning of our relationship, he hired me himself. I stayed home and worked for Don when he was gone, working in the cockpit, flying a 727. When he was at home, I simply enjoyed a lot of reading. He never would let me work when he was around. It was a stretch for me to find contentment when I was not always busy and without a family to care for, but I adored Don and thought him worth the adjustment. In hindsight, I still think that, very much so. It was what my beloved companion needed. I am very glad I could do it for him. I had sixteen years to practice being Alrac, and got pretty good at it, becoming that dependent personality who was always there for Don. After Don’s death in 1984, I continued to work through the mutual death process started by my experience of the suicide, for we had become so close that his death was also mine. The question was whether I would survive it. For six years, I was so inundated with the difficult feelings concerning that terrible loss that nothing really penetrated. I simply walked in the desert with all the negative emotions: anger, grief, horror, guilt, sheer pain and endless sorrow. I knew it was the test of faith of my whole life. My nights were filled with nightmares and my days with unbidden images of Don at his most ill, my unknowing words at their most hurtful.

Eventually, the day came when I realized I again actually liked myself. This was near the end of 1990. That was the beginning of the birth of my current model of myself, at least in my own personal myth. I remained very ill physically until 1992, when I finally had half my colon removed, which straightened out a lot of my physical troubles, and then I got rehabilitation for the rheumatoid conditions which had bent and injured me into a reclining wheelchair and bed-bound. Slowly, I achieved verticality and began entering into a more active life, driving, cooking, gardening and in general having a life. Taped letters, which had been my only avenue of communication with readers and students for years, gave way to e-mail and regular mail, as I found my way to computers and light touch keyboards my arthritic hands could work. But I still had several years of searching to find my stride, my voice, the way it felt rightest to express my being. I had to go through the old self-images of former models of myself, especially the lady volunteer and professional librarian personae, trying them on to see if they still fit. Re-seeing the self can be a tremendously long and wearing experience. 173, a stalwart California wanderer and mother of three, says:

When the Beatles’ White Album came out, I felt like the blackbird in McCartney’s song. It really struck a chord in me. Looking back, I think it was because I knew that was, more or less, the situation I had placed myself in. There have been a couple of times in my life when I felt I was being told to fly into the night with broken wings. However, I now know that these were moments I had waited for, and planned for, and that when I did learn to fly and to see, I would be free in a sense. Whenever I feel frustrated, or confused, or afraid, I think of that song. It validates my feelings and gives me hope at the same time.[482]

We are all those who fly with broken wings, when it comes to re-seeing the self. We are most likely to have worked through this process only when we have had to. When those times come, we feel awash in catalyst and inundated by the feelings involved. It’s not easy. It is easier if we choose to do this continuously. The idea is good and solid: to move beneath the appearances and the surface of things to the heart of self:

How you choose to see yourself is your illusion; it is your choice. We do not deny any of those things which are negative, seen against the positive standard of a healthy, smiling, vibrant evolution. We do not deny hate or death or jealousy, pain or anguish or loss. We only say to you that they are a part of that which is an illusion, and that at the heart of each of these things is a transformation which is so positive that joy leaps from every tear that we may shed in the learning of these lessons.[483]

We really do have great depths of this living water of the roots of mind, great possibilities as we re-imagine ourselves. When we change our minds, we change the reality we live in:

Our reaction to anything or anyone comes from within, not from without. Change the thought, change the reality. It’s that simple. We mold our own reality.[484]

The challenge, then, is to find our deepest heart of self. One way of digging towards that heart is to follow one’s desire:

We would direct your attention to the factor of your own desire, which works deeply and often in hidden ways within those situations which present themselves to you, colored in various ways. If you find that the situation which now serves as catalyst to you has the feel or the coloration of frustration, it is well that you step back for a moment to examine what in the situation you find frustrating, and a step further back to determine what desire of your own there may exist to make possible the kind of frustration that you feel. Where there is a confusion of desire, frustration is almost inevitable. It behooves one, then, to ask ever more deeply, what is the true nature, what is the true object, of that which you desire? If one settles for a good that seems, for the moment, to satisfy the desire, one will surely be given such catalyst as will eventually show the limits of this desire, or more properly put, the limits of this self-image of what is desired.[485]

Another technique of re-seeing the self is visualization of the self as various attributes or essences which we feel express the heart of self. William Klug prefers to imagine himself as love:

This love/joy emotion already exists in each of us. It always has. In fact, it is all we started with. We just get in its way. We hide it for our own reasons. We attempt to define ourselves in ways we are not. They, the abilities and bliss, were already who-I-was; they were just not a part of who-I-thought-I was. They were not a part of who-I-pretended-to-be. You might say what I have done is gone through a process of un-defining myself. Permit the core me to be without all the definition I had tried to apply.[486]

We can visualize ourselves as light:

The way that I have come to understand to sort out the complexities to become simplicities, is to pause for less than one moment in any given situation, to call forth my “Who I Really Am,” that which is beyond all physical teachings, my pure light, and then to bring all of my physical remembrances back in to form a whole picture. This then gives me access to a truth of responding in a manner for the highest good. It is then my choice to do so or not. :)[487]

We can choose to envision ourselves as the Creator:

We do not wish to trifle with questions of identity, but wish instead to ask each, in the mind’s eye, to move inward, and inward, until there is that point, bright as a diamond, crystalline and lovely, this tiny point which is the adit to the deep mind’s union with the one infinite Creator, to the deep heart’s contact and unity with the Logos, the articulated expression of love which is your crystalline nature. Feel that inmost point of light, that shuttle to intelligent infinity, and know now that all falls away before that one identity. Enter into that point of light, and become the light.[488]

We may decide to work on the eternal aspect of ourselves:

Your identity is of utmost importance to you at this time, your true identity that resides in every cell of your being and every part of the universe. This identity is one which you have carried with you throughout eons of what you call time and it is an identity that you shall continue to carry with you and that you shall continue to realize more and more fully as you evolve in your conscious awareness.[489]

We can opt to focus on our infinite or universal aspect:

Think of yourself in this way, as a sun or a blossom; anything but a human, for to think of one’s self as human is always to move to the outer. For your true self is no outer thing. Your true self is without distortion, and infinite in love. We cannot teach you how to realize compassion. You cannot teach yourself how to realize the compassion that is locked within you. And even with the dint of the hardest and most intransigent work upon the self, you cannot add one whit of compassion to your personality. You can teach yourself to perform compassionate acts, but the key to that infinite compassion that is truly yours is not to be found within teaching and learning. It is locked within the present moment, and it is when you go into the present moment that you are vulnerable to a deeper realization of yourself.[490]

Finally, we can choose to focus upon our perfect self:

Indeed, it is well to think of yourself as a dancer through life, for each of you dances or walks, is graceful or isn’t, and these infinitesimal changes in the way you think about yourself and the way you think about the body can indeed bring you to more mindfulness as you revisualize yourself in perfection, in harmony and in unity.[491]

The Purification Of The Emotions

The purification of the emotions is a technique of indigo-ray work that has excellent results over a long period of time, although it is very difficult to see results quickly. One reason for this expected length of working is the very nature of emotions. The root of the word emotion is the Latin emovere, which means to move out, literally, or to agitate or stir up. Emotions are strong feelings, and they can be any feeling, or mixtures of feelings. They can be complex reactions involving both psychical and physical responses, and include love, hate, fear, anger and joy. Human folk do not always enjoy excitement, agitation, perturbation, commotion or disturbance. To the extent that they do not, they will not appreciate their own emotions and feelings. This is a lifelong process. While we know what emotions are, they to an extent remain a sacred mystery to us.

The concept of being pure uses for a root the Latin word, pura, which means, guess what, pure. It is a straightforward word whose synonyms include simple, mere, absolute, sheer, unmixed and genuine. Something that is pure is nothing but that particular something. However, there is a dichotomy in how this word is used. One branch of it tends towards meaning virgin, chaste, unsullied or unblemished. The other branch tends towards meaning “nothing but.” The branch we want to follow is the latter, simpler, less culture-driven meaning of the word. In the purification of emotions we are looking to purge or refine the emotion from impurities, from anything but that emotion, positive and negative ones alike, just as an alchemist wishes to remove that-which-is-not-gold in lead so that it turns into gold. In this regard, a good meaning of “pure” is applied to color, pure colors being those to which no white is added. So the purification of emotions would be the gradual refining of our emotions until, when we feel a given emotion, we feel the pure emotion, which does not feel confused or agitated, but absolutely peaceful, while at the same time being devastatingly profound in its tone or resonance within the self. I have felt pure emotions from time to time in my life. Those times have sometimes been earned. Sometimes, they have been gifts. They have always been my teachers when they occurred. I feel that emotions are a higher truth, an essence that is a kind of harvest within our developing spiritual self, a gift from us to the Creator, as well as from the Creator to us. They are a fruit of our total being. A friend of mine, beat poet Daniel A. Russell, refers to them as “loosh,” that substance that his gods are gathering from us as their food, which I have also seen used as a term by Robert Monroe in his book, Far Journeys.

Those of Ra commented in the Law of One sessions about my high degree of purity. They were not talking about my virginity, but about my single-hearted and single-minded nature. In terms of the contact with those of Ra, I think this purity had to do with being totally dedicated to seeking the truth and, as living that truth, to doing whatever would help Don Elkins seek the truth in his way. When I took on the care and feeding of Don, I expected marriage, home, family, the things that I valued and had hoped for as a teenager. Not for me the glamour of career, although I had made a good job out of being a librarian. But life with Don was not to develop along those lines. It turned out that Don needed me to be content with not being married, not having my own house and garden, not having children, not even having my own career or any job outside those things he wished me to do for him and working on my own inner seeking, which he wholeheartedly supported in every way. Further, although I was a very insecure young woman, with quite low self-worth, Don could not stand to offer pretty compliments. He could not say any of the words women love to hear. And after a half year of sexual intimacy, he silently closed the door on our intimate life together. We were celibate for the remaining 16 years of our relationship. At the time our relationship began as a settled mating, I was 26 years old. My history with men had included a first love who deserted me the week before our wedding after taking my virginity, and a first husband who hated marriage, and my body, from the first day of it. I already assumed I was rather unattractive! What this final rejection of Don’s did for me was extremely painful, but equally valuable in terms of my growth within this incarnation, for he enabled me to filter through all else and know exactly why I was living this life and helping him. I was doing it for love of him and a sense of the rightness of our mutual path. There was no other possible reason. My awareness of this was complete. I felt it was worth it. I knew this man was doing his very best, and I found ways to go the rest of the way to making a good life together in joy and peace, which we did, most profoundly. I persisted in this pattern with him for a decade and more before the contact with those of Ra began. It was a decade of increasing purity for me. My worldly ambitions had long been engaged by the hope of a home and children. I went through the painful refining process of giving those deepest of worldly goals up. This first hollowed out my personality and ego. So the first pure emotion I ever felt was love of Don. After he had been dead about five years, I finally woke one morning to a piercing awareness that I had also come to the utterly pure experience of grief, over my loss of him in this life. It placed me far beyond tears. I had to sit with the emotion for quite a long time, perhaps an hour, before I felt that I had begun to plumb its beauty. Those of Q’uo say:

Each of you is like a symbol. Much of that which is most truly you lies safely tucked within you, accessible to you only for the most part through creative effort, not necessarily complex or occult effort. For the self reveals itself to the self that has begun a process of purifying the emotions of facing of the self as it is.[492]

Always we are aiming towards the heart of self in doing metaphysical work. Pure emotion is associated with worship:

True worshipful living is a high risk occupation. It is not a loop into the light, but rather a loop into darkness. The illusion creates an emotional, mental and spiritual twilight in which ideals, the purification of emotions from attachments and the mindfulness of continuing awareness of the worship bloom in the darkness of blind faith. That is, the true worship is worship of a mystery; awe, wonder, a greater and greater subjective feeling of being held firmly by that which is not illusion, although one cannot understand it, so that the entity rests at last in a completely subjective and subjectively truthful journey. In this regard, worship may be seen as motion, motion of a metaphysical kind rather than a physical kind.[493]

It is no wonder that we are fixed here on intuitively aided processes, as we work on purifying emotion. This is the universe we most truly live in. In it there is much of unknowing:

You cannot become an entity without polarity. You must be that which your nature is. You are top to bottom and side to side entities of 360 degrees, the full circle of personality from lightest and brightest to the deepest and darkest. The skill lies in seeing your emotions as information-bearing energies, offering to you the fruits of your own past and the seeds of your transformation into an ever emptier, ever lighter, ever hollower self. The earthy part of the self, that soil in which the dark nature hides, is a heavy thing, and it is that soil in which truth and beauty and those mysteries which call you forward grow.[494]

Naturally, it is largely in response to other people that we encounter our chances to purify the emotions, since without an object to which to react, there is no reaction. But it is ourselves that we are seeing, as we respond. How do we know when we HAVE reached a purer emotion? Those of Q’uo say:

Each of your emotions has a perfectly crystalline nature. It is buried within the distortions that keep you from seeing and hearing the beauty of that note of feeling, that emotion. So when you experience emotions, know that you are receiving information from a deep source, that is from that large portion of your consciousness that resides at a level below the threshold of conscious awareness. Where words cannot go, emotions become vocabulary. So as you gaze at yourself reacting emotionally, we ask that you realize that it is not at all your job to remove emotion. Nor is it desirable, in our opinion, that the emotions be altered because you feel they should be altered. Rather we would suggest, with these emotions that strike you as being less than pure, to sit with that emotion, to re-experience that emotion, to move about in that feeling state, and to gaze without fear and without haste at that experience that you have collected. As you spend the time to contemplate that situation in which the emotion became embedded, perhaps you can begin to see some of where the distortions are within your own vibratory complex. This is valuable information, but not to the conscious mind. Rather, it is the subconscious mind which reaps the benefits of your contemplating those things which have moved you.[495]

Contemplate those things that have moved us, and the circumstances surrounding them, but never with fear. This is an important point, for fear is the great spoiler of metaphysical work. Our physical bodies gear us to fight or flight when startled, not just by physical things, but also things of the mind and emotion. Moving beyond our own fears takes patience and persistence. Why would we be encouraging a lack of fear when working to purify the emotions? Because it is normal to fear the suffering involved in experiencing confused and confusing feelings, and sorting them out and dealing with them, and yet it is not skillful to allow this fear to abide for long. Those of Hatonn suggest thinking of ourselves as flawed crystals we are trying to rebuild:

There are seeded among your peoples more crystallized souls or spirits who are much more oriented towards reflecting and refracting the light and the love of the Creator. These are people of magnetism and illumination to some degree or another, and are committed each in his or her own way to the path of righteousness, as this instrument would call it. However, it is the nature of most crystals to be flawed, and the delicate vibrations of the golden age are such that each crystal will begin to disintegrate to a certain extent along the flawed line. It is within the free will of each of these entities to rebuild their crystallized entity in such a manner that the flaw no longer exists. However, this is extremely painful. It is much more common for the individual not totally understanding the purification that he or she is going through to blame the pain of transformation upon those nearest the entity. Thus many who are undergoing personal and individual purifications in order to become purely crystallized and free of flaws on the path to what you would call mastery, are interpreting this pain as having to do with a relationship, rather than recognizing that the problem is completely personal, and is no reflection upon any partner, child or situation. This is the great contributing cause to the many seemingly synchronous relationship difficulties that you are now observing and indeed experiencing.[496]

How hard it is to see the suffering we are doing as distinct from the personalities that seem to have inspired the sorrow. And yet it is so. Other selves are our catalyst. They inspire responses in us without themselves being at all involved, at least, not necessarily. In working in consciousness, it is all about ourselves. Ourselves and that refining fire:

Truly one needs to follow the heart, but first one needs to allow each experience to be refined and be purified by that distillery that is carried within that heart by each. It seems that each is a prisoner of time, and yet in the sense that we are using this analogy it is only in the freedom of the illusion of time and space that this first purification of self-aware emotion can be accomplished. These raw feelings that the heart senses instantaneously may be already pure, but it is well to ask the self to refrain from impulse and to honor all feeling by moving back to it when one can contemplate it, and in that centered and balanced mode allow the deeper truths of what has been felt to move through that refining fire which distills pure emotion from the dross of ingredients that are no longer needed.[497]

As Mike Korinko says, sticking around through this process is hard!

I get real depressed at times thinking about all that is coming up. I even found myself wishing for the Mike of the past year. “You don’t need this pain,” one voice would say. “Run as fast as you can,” another would yell. It has been a real trial to just stick to my pledge to myself that I would no longer run from my own feelings.[498]

Good for you, Mike! As those of Q’uo say, staying with this work is very nurturing in the long run:

Only in the darkness of seemingly negative emotions of loss and limitation does the deep prayer, the soulful song of love, take wing and sweep the incarnate being to a point of view where the breadth of love, once felt for one entity, may be turned at a world dying and yearning for your deep love and compassion. Thusly, one does well not to turn from sorrow but to turn towards it, to merge with it, and to carry this loss as a shining ornament which honors the infinite Creator.[499]

I love the thought that we are our own spiritual children. In the universal sense, we are all in the manger, no room at the inn, hoping to gain some ground in this incarnation as loving beings. This is not an easy process to love, especially while in the midst of it. We come to new situations and their corresponding emotions as those scattered and surprised. We hope to refine and distill those feelings into their own truths. How can we aid this process? For one thing, we can adopt the disciplines of purification: fasting, meditation and protection:

You did not come here to dispel worry and to be comforted; rather, you came into the arena of third-density to strive in darkness. Your greatest sight is the blind but loving heart, for one sees with the heart the light which is not visible to the mind; for within the heart rests the spirit of love. This spirit is a side of wisdom which has no words in your density, and it expresses its wisdom in the more and more purified emotions. When the seeker comes first to the conscious study of the processes of spiritual choice-making, at first, the heart is less than optimally pure in its expression. The seeker begins, day by day and meditation by meditation, to empty out of the heart the less pure of that heart’s contents, as though the heart were a pocket in which many things had been placed, some of which were not desirable. After a time meditating and seeking, the heart begins to be released from having to hold so much of that which is less than pure; and then the heart may begin to shed its wisdom upon the conscious mind. This purifying process is not short, and we do not wish to suggest that you must become consciously pure in heart. We simply encourage each to do the work of opening in meditation regularly, and allowing the heart to empty itself of the petty trivia so that its strain may be deeper and ever more pure.[500]

Clear communication is suggested as an aid to purifying the emotions:

The emotions that are deeper and which are often the true cause of an outburst of anger are those seeds which have not the full light of the sun, the full light of one’s conscious attention and recognition of the kind of seed that has been planted, who has planted the seed and who has tended the seed as the gardener. Thus, we do not recommend the repressing of any emotional experience, even that of anger, unless the entity with whom one is expressing these energies is, because of being a stranger or being too young to understand, unable to partake in the experience without suffering, on its part, great confusion or misapprehension of a gross nature.[501]

Experiencing music, art, reading, a play or opera, any form of art, can help the self to see and to purify the emotions by giving us words and feelings we could not see by ourselves:

As spiritual beings there is far more to the self than can be imagined, and so as the mind struggles to process information which has no words, that which transcends words becomes increasingly useful. The drama, the comedy, the painting, the opera, the art that pulls an entity beyond words into emotional states. These are valuable things because they trigger truth from the standpoint of emotion or the heart rather than the concept of the mind. And the seeker is attempting to get to the heart of the self, to live from the heart of self, and so these archetypes which carry great rivers of purified emotion within them are extremely helpful.[502]

Lastly, those of Q’uo suggest that we turn to the infinite One, in silence, in argument and in prayer:

The Creator is seemingly far away. Seemingly, this wondrous mystery has created and then left the universe in which you exist. For all any can prove, this is the case. However, when the heart and emotions form the habit of turning momentarily or for a longer time to the infinite One, to the mystery of unity, there then opens a very, very primary and deep channel within the roots of mind, and joy, hope and kindness flower upward to blossom without fanfare or ado in the forefront of the mind, offering that inner home, the sweet smell and freshness that the flowers always do. Stopping to remember the Creator is like planting a seed within the self. It flowers and bears fruit in time.[503]

What a gift to the self, to become able to feel emotions that have become pure and deep and true. It is the culmination of the work of many years, usually, when the utter resonance and beauty of pure emotion comes to us. So much of our lives are spent in the middle of the waves, scrambling for balance and breath and rocked with confused combinations of feelings and thoughts. Refining these confused emotions is delicate and subtle work. May we find the joy of these pure rivers of feeling within, as we come through the floods of circumstance.

Working With Teachers

Of all the ways to work metaphysically, the favorite of many is the working with a teacher. Many of the Eastern systems depend upon the inner workings of this close and devotional relationship with the guru of choice. A teacher or guru can embody lessons and learnings too complex or profound for easy verbal communication. The relationship between teacher and student can become quite powerful and transformative. There is a relationship in which both become vessels for learning and teaching:

The student may look to the teacher in such a way that the teacher inspires within the student a certain highly potentiated kind of humility, which the student expresses by deliberately setting aside those known personality features which may tend to distort or disrupt the seeking process. When this process is being consciously directed and intensely pursued in a sheltered environment, the teacher or the guru in this respect may accept the sacrifice or the laying aside of the earthly personality in the symbolic way, understanding that what there is to be offered, coming through the teacher, is further empowered by this act. Now, this process can be successful only when the teacher has similarly laid aside the earthly personality and is willing to join hands with the student in a fashion which allows each to participate in a sense of a greater reality to appreciate the unity that is all-embracing. The strength of the teacher flows back to the student, even as the student’s gift of its devotion to the teacher further empowers the function of the teaching. We find then, that this group was quite correct in its surmise that the greatest gift that the teacher has to give is the beingness of the teacher.[504]

Those of Q’uo say that this density is one where teachers are especially useful:

That solitude, that feeling of aloneness, is due to the veil of forgetting having been dropped, so that those within your density simply cannot recall the unity betwixt the self and all others. This is the density where teachers are more and more important; those who are able to use their breath to speak support, comfort and challenge to those whom they would aid.[505]

We each plan before the incarnation to have teachers both seen and unseen:

No entity walks alone, for each has those friends, teachers and guides that walk with it as do those brothers and sisters within your own illusion walk with each in spirit.[506]

Those of Oxal talk about being an unseen teacher, who is at the same time learning from those they teach:

For us, those who have worked long within the wisdom density, the task, as strange as it might seem to you, is to be less wise, and to rediscover the sources of compassion we originally encountered so long ago. Our task is to blend this compassion with the many wisdoms we have acquired. We feel more and more the call of this task, and as we are called into this task, we seek the opportunity to serve. For us, your calling is a great and wonderful such opportunity, and thus, it appears to us that you who call from within the dark faith of third-density seeking have so much you may teach us by your dedication that we who offer ourselves in service as teachers to you find that you appear to us as teachers to us. So we find that the question of the proper relation between student and teacher is a very complicated one, indeed. There is no formula for right teaching. There is no formula for the proper way to go about being a student. We would prefer to say that the teacher/student relationship is ephemeral, and is essentially an event that is of the order of an opportunity. It is an opportunity for mutual sharing in a way that does not bias in advance the outcome of that sharing.[507]

Things do not always go smoothly with students and their teachers, for teachers often bring out the student’s imbalances as their chemistry and exchange proceed, as Jody Boyne, a teacher himself, says:

Teachers and life tend, with friction or “catalyst,” to bring out these imbalances. The Eastern gurus had no respect for the American hippie movement for this reason. Both the hippies and the uptight Protestant work ethic were extremes and a falling back from the fourth-density inspiration into third-density expressions. In an uptight religious group I’d be ranting about peace, love and understanding. In this one, a wanderers’ e-mail group, I find myself ranting about effort, work and attainment, as represented in the real accomplishments of the gurus.[508]

It is very special to find a teacher who loves to teach and who loves to teach us in particular. I have had teachers like that. I remember with utmost affection my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Cobb, who was the first teacher besides my parents ever to appreciate me for myself and not see my brain power as some kind of personal affront. She would take me home with her on the weekend and show me things all day Saturday, while we walked through the farmers’ “Haymarket” of Louisville and followed the chores of her day. I felt as though vistas were opening everywhere, and I felt loved. It was absolute heaven. Several of my college professors also gave me the great honor and privilege of asking for me to come for extra hours of private discussion during my classes with them, and again I savored the wonderful gifts of sensitive and passionate teaching about the dearly loved subjects of beauty and art, language, literature, thought and inspiration. However, as Romi Borel says, it is always wise to be careful, for not all teachers are offering gifts we really wish to accept:

There are many versions of the truth, as many different versions as there are lessons to be learned. I feel you would be wise to weigh the version of truths you study very carefully. We have a short time on this planet. It is a short time till the harvest. There are many distractions and many “warped” truths, many things that would cause us to lose polarity and/or reduce our effectiveness with the harvesting efforts or perhaps even distract us to the point of not making the cut ourself.[509]

214, a woman who remembers other lifetimes as a Native American, reports:

I was pulled into an apprenticeship program a couple of years ago with woman who called herself a medicine woman. Long story. It was a learning experience all right, but not a very pleasant one. Actually it was very frightening and confusing. By the time I was released from it, I had broken out in the worst case of psoriasis I’d ever had. I’m still working on clearing through the effects of it. I was uncomfortable with it from the start, but that medicine woman was very dictatorial with me. I guess that I had to go through it as a harsh lesson in learning to trust myself.[510]

Sometimes this is the actual lesson offered by a teacher, the discovery that one’s own council is the best. To someone who loves to share the experience of learning, this can be a real disappointment, but not every earthly teacher is suited to us. On the other hand, our inner guidance is nicely groomed to our individual needs, and the advice from inner guidance is always positive:

The guides, as many have called them, or teachers, or angelic presences, that have been with you for not just this incarnation but for many, are always of a positive orientation. If you are ever aware of any influence that does not seem positive in its nature, you may offer to that influence a challenge that asks it the question that you have answered well for yourself, and it is well for each seeker to know the answer to: the question of what it would live for and what it would die for, what is the essence of its being, what is it that gives it the energy, the ideas and the inspiration to continue in each day of its seeking.[511]

Q’uo gives us a good idea about this inner guidance system:

Many there are of an unseen nature who cherish and watch over the activities of those of your peoples as each day’s activities are accomplished. Each entity has those guides and guardians, friends and teachers in whose care the entity has been placed, in a metaphysical sense, so that there is for each entity a significant number of unseen hands and hearts that join in your journey. In addition, there are those whose honor and duty is more of a light-bringing nature so that your experiences are blessed from time to time according to the invitations, shall we say, that you make with your seeking.[512]

Teachers are most valuable, in their generosity of spirit and their many gifts of time and attention. Our inner teachers often will utilize the dreaming state, and states such as meditation, as they find ways to suggest without insisting:

Each entity has at its beck and call, as it were, teachers, friends, guides and the force of light imbued with love, that move to support and inspire the entity through dreams, meditation and the presenting of the appropriate person, book, program or experience at the appropriate time within this process of learning.[513]

Chapter Eight: The Healing Of The Incarnation

Incarnational Lessons

In a way, this chapter might also be titled “Metaphysical Work II.” Doing work in consciousness, we are constantly slipping from level to level and point of view to point of view, finding various ways to use skill and patience and heart to seek for the heart of self. If we hear echoes in these pages of subjects covered in Chapter Seven, or earlier, do not be surprised, for we will meet ourselves coming and going many times as we do indigo-ray work. Themes recur because there is underlying simplicity to the puzzle, elegance and spare economy beneath the welter of detail and confusion.

Looking at the self from the unique point of view of the healing of the incarnation has its advantages. The basic idea is that we each incarnated with a general, overall plan for the incarnation, a plan of learning and service. Here, I am talking about the broad and deepest lessons and service, the themes of the incarnation for us. As we go through the processes of taking in the learning and attempting the serving, we suffer, make errors, at least in our own eyes, and become aware that we need to heal that suffering insofar as we can. When we look back and see all the suffering, we tend not to want to forgive the suffering or the whole process, even though we preincarnatively set all this out for ourselves, just as we choose our courses of study at the beginning of a semester of school. If we can come to trust in the excellence of the basic plan, we become more able to allow ourselves this forgiveness of suffering, this healing:

You have perhaps heard us before speak of something we call “healing of the incarnation.” In your third-density incarnative experience this is the heart of work in consciousness, for if the incarnation be healed, the potentiated and polarized servant is then free to offer with purity the life to the infinite Creator. As each looks upon its “if only’s” we ask that each consider that these unhealed memories dim and make tenuous the pure light which is the manifestation of love, which empowers each servant of the one infinite Creator.[514]

What are these unhealed memories? Those of Q’uo say:

Each has had experience with complete forgiveness of others by the self. Each has achieved forgiveness with regard to others who have seemingly caused catalyst to occur for the self which was painful. With the passage of time the words, “I forgive you,” become entirely and wholly true. The memory remains but it has been healed. Therefore, we ask that those with unhealed memories see this as an order of business to be addressed. The self must in some way open the heart to the self’s need and ask with no reservation for forgiveness; and more than that, be prepared to accept that forgiveness and to drop that program and allow its spiritual energy to dissipate, allow the past to become the past. We recommend that this kind of work be done promptly and persistently and be given priority, for sorrows and hard-heartedness make a poor combination of guests, and though they speak much they do not make good company. The time, which is precious in each incarnation, need not be spent with such guests if the work be done.[515]

One key to this particular strain of indigo-ray work is the identification of our particular incarnational lesson or lessons. Here, those of Q’uo use me as an example of how an incarnational plan is put together:

Let us look at this particular instrument’s situation, working toward generalization while doing so. It is commonplace among those who have chosen the manner of their incarnations that there should be more than one stopping place, shall we say call it, within the incarnation. The balance of wisdom and compassion in the mind of the entity before incarnation is automatic. It is a portion of the personality. The wanderer is likely to be wise enough in a balanced manner to offer to the incarnated manifestation of self before birth one central lesson on the personal level, and a series of attainable goals within the impersonal life in service. It is grasped by the individual before the incarnation that during the forgetting process the cold, clear logic of all the goals to be met will be greatly muddled if not obliterated from any conscious knowledge. Therefore, there are the stopping places, for it is not known before it is experienced how much of the lessons’ learning the spirit self may tolerate without needing healing beyond that which can be offered within incarnation.[516]

If the repetition of lessons wearies the spirit overmuch, a seeker’s higher self may actually choose to allow the incarnation to come to an end, so that the incarnational healing that is too much to sustain within incarnation might be undertaken:

When an entity approaches the end of an incarnational lesson, if that entity has been exhausted by this learning it will be given the opportunity either to embrace life with all of its confusions and distresses or to embrace the dropping of the physical body and the movement into whatever healing modes the learned lesson has created the need for. When this moment occurs the choice is freely offered in silence, and the love of life of the entity, or the disdain of life, create the potential for greater health within incarnation and a new lesson to be learned, or the gentle or rough path to the passage into larger life.[517]

For the most part, however, the self within incarnation can embrace enough of the experiences of learning that the incarnational lesson, even if missed completely in one opportunity, has the chance to come around again. For we have planned many contingencies:

It is the case with most entities entering your illusion that parallel, if we may call them, programs of incarnation are seen as possibilities. If one choice is not taken, then another presents itself so that those lessons to be learned are available. It is quite difficult to describe to entities within your illusion the freedom and fluidity with which these choices are made and pursued. Within your illusion it is generally the case that a plan is made and undertaken and then, if an alteration is made, the changes in the outcome are easily attributable. However, before the incarnation, the range and freedom of choice is such that level upon level of agreement is made, therefore allowing for changes to occur. For though there is the ability to see into what is called your future, this ability also sees that nothing can be known for sure, that there shall be changes, that therefore, there needs to be plans for the changes. If one event occurs, then this allows another, but may disallow yet another, and so forth in an endless progression of cause and effect. Therefore, there cannot truly be said to be mistakes within any incarnation.[518]

I find the thought that there are no mistakes very encouraging. It is so easy to think of lost opportunities. But we always have another chance to express our awareness of the truth. We may not have the privilege of expressing it to just the entity we had hoped to, but if all are seen as the Creator, we can express that truth to a new person with fond regards to those we have been unable to express that truth to in our past. Our incarnational lessons will vary, depending on the person’s pre-incarnative view of his need to learn, but we are all the same:

Those who feel that they have the experience of the presence of the one Creator, and those who have the experience of lack of perceptible union with the infinite One, appear to be in different situations as regards the choosing of how to manifest the love and the light of the Creator. However, the openness of both kinds of entities to being of service are identical. Some have the experience of aloneness, of loving the Creator but feeling isolated; others feel the consolation of the spirit always. These apparent differences are an artifact of the incarnational lessons to be learned. There is no true distinction between those who love the Creator. As the strength of faith and will is, so is the entity’s true association with that great Self of which any atom of consciousness [is a part]. Each of you is the same, though your experiences vary. The dedication which is not apparent moves as the true measure of service.[519]

So whether we are happy or discontented today, the lessons and the healing of the incarnation are concerns we are equally qualified to address. The primary concern here is to discern the pattern of our own incarnations:

Each entity has, before the incarnation, chosen this pattern in order that it might balance and intensify and refine those qualities gathered before this illusion that are felt to be primary. There is a great plan within each entity’s life which is the pattern, the dance, within the illusion. It is important in learning the mystery of creation, and the honor of serving, that each entity trust the destiny that has been chosen and fuel that trust with the will to persevere, knowing that even if confusion and sorrow and suffering have their day, there is the resolution at some point within the illusion so that each seeker will find the indication that it is truly upon the right path.[520]

The incarnational lesson is most often about the giving and receiving of love, in one form or another. Sometimes we find ourselves placed by our higher selves in conditions of limitation, whether from a chronic health concern, a situation with another person or a trauma we have serious trouble healing, and find our life changed, not for the better, at least apparently. We might well bemoan this pre-incarnative tendency to impose limitations, illness, difficulty and challenge on our life experiences, since we cause ourselves woe thereby, but we also, hopefully, are putting ourselves directly in the refining fire we had hoped to achieve. As is so often the case, meditation is recommended in working with this practice:

The door to the deep self is fairly carefully closed when a spirit enters into manifested third-density incarnation. Vision fails, awareness recedes, finely tuned senses within are muffled with flesh, and the incarnation grows darker as the child grows to be the adult. Yet, the small being survives in the growing complexity of the personal universal awareness that is the self’s awareness of a subjective universe. In that first look at one’s universe, the outcome is dim. Things look dark, difficult and dreary. There is work in all directions to support the physical self, to corral the emotions, to find the truest heart of self amidst all the vicissitudes of change. Yet, there is within a universe of suns of, shall we say, energies, that represent, and in a holographic sense are, the vibrations of wisdoms represented by the outward sun and stars. This door to the deep mind where this universe revolves and can gradually be seen is opened by the self and the self only. That is, it cannot be opened by another person in incarnation. Yet, in the inner room of meditation, when silence is truly reigning and the spirit somewhat freed, the desire to find inspiration taken into silent meditation yields an inner guidance. Inner resources come into more and more developed usefulness.[521]

The basis for this work is the assumption, which I believe to be literally true, that as we think, so we are:

All that you experience within your incarnational pattern is a product of your own thinking, whether that thinking be conscious or unconscious, whether that thinking be done during the incarnation or previous to the incarnation, for it is the power of the mind to generate thoughts that, when focused upon for a long enough period of what you call time or experience, that these thoughts then become manifest within your life pattern to provide glorious opportunities for learning or for serving. Thus, all you experience is a product of thought.[522]

Working With Desires

The mind is a powerful thing, speaking not simply of the brain but of consciousness. But if our thinking directs our experience, how do we get into the process of thinking to work with it? One great key is desire. Most of our thinking is geared to what we desire and how to pursue that which we desire. Those of Q’uo say:

Gazing at the nature of your density, we may safely remark that desire is the fuel that runs the engine of your illusion, both the portion which is shadow and that portion which is form. That is to say that desire is intrinsic to the awareness of being individuated. Desire is inherent in a consciousness of the self and the not-self. Whether it be wise or foolish, profitable or unfortunate to desire, those enjoying incarnation within your density will experience the proceeding and issuing forth of desires.[523]

Our instinct and desire for spiritual evolution is as inevitable a force as our instinct for self-preservation and evolution as a physical being. When we focus on our thoughts, we can easily find desire in them. They range from the ephemeral desires of the moment to the most deeply felt hungers of our souls. I just returned home from a Holy Week service, and my trip held several times of desire for some slowtop on the expressway to move over so I could get to church or back home. At the same time, what drove me out into the traffic was the hunger and thirst for worship. As a guest at our meditation said last Sunday, Jesus went through this just once, but Christians go through the steps to the cross every year! To me, the path is one steeped in devotion, as I spend time with this beautiful soul who wished only to do his Father’s will. I gladly take the time away from all else to capture these bittersweet moments of my own truth. Am I the person with the lead foot on the expressway, or a seeker after the divine? Both of those and a good deal more besides. And so are we all. One way to see into the working of desire is to ask oneself, “Is this a preference or an addiction?” This is a concept offered by Ken Keyes in his Handbook To Higher Consciousness.[524] Those of Q’uo talk about this:

Desires in and of themselves are neither bad nor good; they simply are things which create a bias. If one moves too far along that route of desire, the bias becomes an addiction. So in many ways the too rambunctious desires of the somewhat less evolved person may be seen to be of an addictive quality. The feeling is, “If I have this, I will be all right; if I do not have this I shall not be all right.” This author [Keyes] encourages the addict to downgrade that addiction to preference. One can say, “I prefer that this thing happen in this way, but I am not addicted to it. It is not necessary.” This too, in its own way, is a key, for when you look at desire with the conscious mind it is difficult to see what that energy is. But you will find that there are addictions in the personality just as there are in eating foodstuffs, and certainly life becomes a more, shall we say, comfortable illusion when one is able to see clearly one’s preferences.[525]

This helped me recently when I discovered I was starting to add pounds, again, and without eating an iota more than I ever had. Change of life, in my case, was also a series of changes in the way my body treats food. I let this weight gain go on for the last six years, feeling that the weight gave me sturdiness. I felt stronger and more vibrant. My husband continued to like my looks. I was a happy, big woman, and increasing slowly but surely. But as my weight spiraled beyond plumpness, it began to bring with it a mounting list of serious troubles: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, complaining spine, hips, knees and feet. I decided to lose weight. My doctor had spelled it out for me: no matter how little I was eating, that amount was now too much. He was, in fact, of the general opinion that older women don’t need food at all, as long as they take their vitamins and drink fruit juices. He ran down the simple fact that the only way we gain weight is if we are taking in more calories than we are using. So I worked with my concept of nutrition a lot, downgrading quantity, removing some food groups from my diet almost completely, upgrading the taste of things, really tasting and appreciating each bite. At this point I believe I can honestly say that my desire to see myself in a healthier and lighter body mode outweighs my desire to eat. I have cut my portions to about half what they were. I still love to eat, and relish each savory taste and texture. But I have managed to detach myself from old habits that were not working, and form new ones. Over the course of writing this handbook, I have gone back to the weight I carried for my first thirty years of adulthood. If no one but my doctor ever notices this, I will be perfectly satisfied! I am doing it for myself, so I may stay in this shadow world that is so dear to me a little longer, and enjoy the party.

All this is by way of saying that we can work with our desires, not by extirpating them or eschewing what we love completely, but by reworking our ways so that we and they are more skillful. Square off with one fact: we will get what we desire. This density is constructed so that the soul is not finished with it until she has experienced all things she wishes to experience. Consequently, be very careful what we desire!

Be cautious and careful in your wishes, your hopes and your desires, for you do inevitably set in motion those things which will occur in order that your hopes may be fulfilled. You shall not hope in vain, but if you hope without depth, without heart, then what you receive shall be shallow and unsatisfying.[526]

One goal in this way of working is to begin to see into uplifting or tuning our desires. Don is asking about the practice of the initiate spending time down in the resonating chamber of the Great Pyramid as he touches on this:

Questioner: Could I make the analogy of, in this apparent death, of losing the desires that are the illusory, common desires of third density and gaining desires of total service to others?

Ra: I am Ra. You are perceptive. This was the purpose and intent of this chamber as well as forming a necessary portion of the King’s Chamber position’s effectiveness.[527]

Those of Q’uo give a quick summation of lower and higher desires:

Whether a seeker decides to get this car or that computer or that larger tent in a very important way makes almost no difference in the spiritual life of the seeker that makes these choices. But when you move into the area of desires for qualities, for truth, for higher spiritual capacity, then you are beginning to work with desires that are very helpful in terms of acceleration of your spiritual self.[528]

This movement is what we hope for, and what we strive for as well:

We encourage each to desire only the most high truth, to desire far beyond that which can be stated or imagined, for as you seek, as your thirst is expressed in the outstretched call of soul to all that resonates with it, so is attracted to that entity ministers of light, shall we say, drawn to you justly and appropriately and in accordance with that which you have desired. Therefore, lift your desires ever higher. Seek to know that true and real identity which is your identity. He who can vibrate with this desire is moving as quickly as possible along the trail of the pilgrim.[529]

“Temper my spirit, O Lord, keep it long in the fire, make it one with the flame, let it share that up-reaching desire,” run the words to a favorite hymn of mine. In this sense, to desire is to fall in love:

What is the process of desiring? One, perhaps, could describe desire as “a falling in love with.” Certainly, the desires of the heart are deeply felt and etched with the pen of love. The yearning for that centered, flowing, effortless living which each seeker has experienced at certain times is constant, and sometimes nearly overwhelming. How the seeker yearns to feel wholly connected with the wellsprings of life, light, love and truth! It is within each seeker’s ability to so discipline the thoughts and the attitudes that, more and more, there is an increased potential for returning to a centered position of heart and mind within which a true simplification of the improving of the centered stance is achieved.[530]

In pursuing the uplifting of desires, we need to be aware of the pitfall of the over-use of the will:

Hidden from the first glance amongst rightful desires lies the exercise of what we have sometimes called the will. Each surely has experienced that energy of willing something to be so or not to be so. The personal will can take a part in desire which distorts desire from natural and even functioning into skewed values and incorrect or incorrectly perceived ways of thinking and processing information. Now, we say that we have called this faculty the will or the self-will. We might also call such distortion in natural desires the action of prideful will or simply pride, for pride over and above the natural feelings connected with desire is as the cancer which takes over natural cells and begins multiplying them without stint.[531]

We need to examine our desires for any hint of pride. Leave the good desires in place, but extirpate that pride! That was one of my challenges when I began this handbook: to realize that all within these pages is elsewhere known, and that although I am authentically doing this work as a service to others, I am also doing this for myself, to create a way to share what I have thought about and come to feel is useful to share through my years of working with wanderers, myself among others. This is an expression of myself, and were the handbook never to be published or read by many, it would still be a satisfaction to me to have created this book. There is nothing for me to be proud of there, just a bit of ego action! Hopefully, it will be an ego action of mine that also helps other people. I can hope for that! I just can’t legislate it, or take pride simply because I attempted to help. Pride is the most stubborn and wily of faults, so I encourage an exacting and unamused eye on the self and its motives until we begin to recognize that rascal, pride, and all its children, justification, defense and judgment. Those of Q’uo suggest two very useful techniques for working on knowing more about our desires: neglecting them and polarizing them:

There are two ways in which one may learn more about one’s true desires. Firstly, one may refuse any thought concerning this choice for a limited period. This neglect allows the deep, unconscious roots of mind to express deeper wisdom. The other technique is to choose on one diurnal period to spend every free second espousing a positive choice. In the next diurnal period, one must then take every free moment espousing the wisdom of a negative choice. This over-stimulation of the mind’s duality—yes, no, yes, no—achieves the same inner quiet within, and, again, a way is made for the wisdom deep within one to rise to the surface either through dreaming, a sudden feeling, or, as is more nearly the general case, a growing awareness, which soon amounts to certainty, that one particular choice is the appropriate one for the self at this crux.[532]

Lyara reports that journaling works bests for her in looking at what she desires:

If I am trying to reach clarity on an issue or question, I do not persist in my efforts when I am feeling such upheavals. Instead, I turn to writing, preferably with pen and paper, rather than the computer. That slows me down enough to begin dialoging with my own wisdom. I begin by simply writing about what I am feeling, sometimes only a few sentences, sometimes whole pages.[533]

Those of Hatonn suggest a combination of working with and resting back from desires:

Welcome to the ocean of incarnational experience. Your maps are faulty. You must steer by hunch and hope. You shall not avoid that destiny which lies before you, that destiny which was chosen by you as the focus of an incarnational time and space. We encourage each to attempt always to move towards those goals one instinctively desires. We encourage each to attempt to improve and to control the life experience for comfort and for joy, for rest and peace and love; yet also we encourage each to rest back in the virtue of that situation in which each finds himself.[534]

I cannot leave this subject without some reference to the rather perverse nature of work with desires. When the spiritual realm is pushed for use and function, paradoxes crop up immediately. Those of Q’uo put this one so well:

Each time you are able to get to the bottom of desire you will find that the base of that desire is the desire to cooperate faithfully and persistently with the destiny that has brought you all which you have so far enjoyed. At the back end of that great long train of desires you will find a little gay caboose that says, “I surrender. Not my will, but Thine.” [535]

Will calls forth surrender, desire calls forth no-desire:

To the one who has no arising desire the universe is free. It is a gift. And every blade of grass, every ray of sunlight, every kind word, every gentle glance is a beauty and a truth. When you have no arising desires, you may feel the grass and the elements, the dance of the wind, the dance of fire, the dance of water and the dance of earth. And the universe lies before you infinitely complex, infinitely unified, at one with itself, at one with you, part of you, as you are a part of it. May we say that we do not expect many moving through third density who experience this state of no desire for longer than, say, a moment, an hour or an afternoon. Times of feeling this peace indeed are gifts that come now and again, and while you were experiencing this peace you wondered why you ever desired anything.[536]

As long as we are content with experiencing this effect for brief moments, we can recognize it and welcome it without puzzlement. These times are times of balance for us, little gaps wherein we can feel free of the weight of desire. Those seekers who find use in studying after the Taoist and Buddhist ways are great fans of this state of no-desire. Again, I encourage each seeker not to try to destroy desire so that rest is achieved, but to allow desires without being attached to them. Let them come, and let them pass, watching the whole process with equanimity. Russell Louie espouses this very well:

It has been estimated that 99% of the average person’s thoughts and actions are judgmental. It takes a strong individual to take action in spite of what their peers might say. The best method that I know of to avoid judgment is the Taoist’s way of acceptance. For example, it is neither hot nor cold but simply 68 degrees. Consider the poor farmer whose wild horse got out of the corral and ran away. The neighbors said, “How unfortunate!” but the farmer said, “Such is life.” A week later the wild horse came back with three other stallions and a foal. The neighbors said, “How fortunate!” but the farmer said, “Such is life.” One day, as the son was breaking in one of the new stallions, he fell off and broke his leg. The neighbors said, “How unfortunate!” but the farmer said, “Such is life.” The next day the army came through town looking for conscripts and didn’t take the son because he had a broken leg. The neighbors said, “How fortunate!” but the farmer said, “Such is life.” If we just accept life as it unfolds without judging how good or bad it is, we would never be disappointed.[537]

It’s a wonderful attitude to adopt, and remembering this little story and “Such is life!” can constitute a real asset when we feel overwhelmed in working with our desires.

Balancing The Self

Bleu, a sensitive woman, says:

I am self, and am trying to find, as it has seemed all my life, a balance between everything, the spiritual and material included. What I do have to say is this: I have been lucky enough that most of my guidance has come gradually, manifested both in others or in myself, and I have had the opportunity to witness the effect of it in my life.[538]

She pinpoints a major concern and a central way of doing indigo-ray work upon the self on an ongoing basis. We are living this incarnation in order to further our evolution, and balancing the self helps to accelerate the pace of the rate of that evolution. Those of Q’uo say:

The balancing of energy within the mind and body and spirit of an entity is not the work of one week or one year or one lifetime, but is a process that is as natural a function as growing up physically, going through puberty, opening to the forces of insemination, pregnancy and birth, and being, in good time, shut down gradually from these energies as the spirit moves on through the incarnational process. The balancing of energies is, then, an ongoing concern, an ongoing process, one which we would not expect to end but rather we would expect from our own experience that this process moves on infinitely until such time as the spirit chooses simply to release and relinquish these concerns. At that point the self is becoming the Creator and moving back into that great, unknowing, unconscious well of infinite intelligence which is the infinite Creator.[539]

They suggest that this balancing is not for the comfort of the body or the life as much as for the alignment of the energies of the mind, body and spirit:

Why would the Creator allow, much less determine, that suffering on a continual basis be part of the excellent and beautiful plan for spiritual seeking? This does not have an obvious answer, yet we feel it is true. The virtues of your environment contain none greater than that virtue of predictable imperfection and limitation. What the Creator has in mind, we feel, is not an increase in health of the body or of the mind or of the emotion but rather a continuing possibility for improvement in the balancing and aligning of mind, body, emotions and spirit.[540]

This process of balancing continues from incarnation to incarnation, spanning all the lives of one soul, bringing energies into an increasingly healing and dynamic balance:

The area of healing is that area which encompasses the entire incarnation, for healing of any distortion is the balancing of that distortion in such a fashion that the particles of experience are made whole, that that which has been torn is brought together, and that which has caused injury is found to be a portion of the experience which has taught a lesson that has been planned by the entity itself, either before the incarnation or as a portion of the incarnation.[541]

What are we balancing when we balance? We are taking the opposite qualities within ourselves and working with them to bring them into a balance which does not block or halt our attention. It is as if we had belongings of an energetic nature that need their own place in our dynamic balance as a person, and we are putting our various aspects and biases in their resting places in our energies with care and respect. The foundation of this work is a belief that the world, with all its suffering and confusion, does make sense spiritually speaking:

The primary assumption that we use as the basis for balancing is that there is a center to things, that there is a sense to be made of the universe. This ground of being is difficult to talk about because its mode of being is that which is in process. The living processes of self relating to self and other self cannot be pinned like the butterfly on the collector’s exhibit. They cannot be stopped, for when they are halted they cease living. So the basic picture, shall we say, that we have of the illusion is that it does make sense. It does add up to a unified and complete whole, but that sense is not linear and that whole or totality holds each pair of opposites in a dynamic balance.[542]

Inherent to this balancing process is an appreciation for both sides of any dynamic pair of opposites, good and evil, hot and cold, love and wisdom:

There is always a balance in spiritual excellence, not a leaning in one direction to the exclusion of another, but the balancing of the polar opposites which are both excellence, but which apart from each other do not create or sustain the consciousness of love. We could say to you, “Allow the flow of events to control you always,” and be giving excellent advice, and just as well could we say, “Use more discipline and meditate more during each day.” Both of these things are true in their season, and when the urge comes upon you to meditate more, to use more discipline and so forth, we suggest that by all means you follow your own intuition.[543]

We can work with the balance between being and doing:

The balance between being and doing is that which must be sought for each individual seeker. This will differ from entity to entity and from time to time. Those who have been overbalanced in the direction of doing may well need, in the balancing process, to go through great periods of time in which it may seem there is no doing, but only being. This may be very difficult for those entities involved, as the value systems that have been evoked in the society have placed the measure of the value of the self on those things that have been accomplished.[544]

We can work with the balance in our selves between love and wisdom:

There is that seeking that is of love and for compassion and understanding and the attempt to accept more and more of the creation as a portion of the self. There is that seeking which partakes of that known as wisdom or light, which reveals unto the inner and outer eyes of the seeker more and more of the nature of the creation which love has formed. And there is that seeking which partakes of the balancing of these two of love and of wisdom into a force or source which may be seen as unity or power, and which partakes of the blending of love with wisdom by wisdom. Thus, a seeker may throughout an incarnation move into each of these three general categories of seeking, and by the nature and intensity of the seeking, call unto itself the assistance of those unseen teachers, guides and friends which vibrate in harmony with the nature of the seeker.[545]

It is appropriate for all awakened beings to look closely at this balance between love and wisdom. However, many of us who identify ourselves as wanderers from elsewhere may feel we came to Earth’s third density especially to strike a new and more just balance between these two.

We can also choose to work on our male-female balance, whether or not we are in a mated relationship:

The male/female partnership of mates is intended to be central. However, the centrality of this relationship is echoed in any male/female relationship where energies are moving freely and without prejudice. Thusly, even those who live in the nunnery, for instance, may work with the male and female balancing because of the many relationships within any life between a father and children, a mother and children, various relatives, friends, teachers and all of those whom one meets in the course of life. Those who are willing to rest in the atmosphere or ambiance of the male or female energy, whichever is dynamically opposite of its own, may move ahead efficiently, although not as potentially quickly as in the very powerful, central male/female partnership which you often call marriage.[546]

As Allen Lefurgey says, this work is especially important in a culture which has been so overbalanced into the male domination:

I looked into what kind of societal groups have been able to live peacefully, harmoniously and cooperatively. I found in my reading that there were some ancient cultures that were either egalitarian or matriarchal in which people worshipped the Goddess and Her benign, loving, nurturing ways, but this culture was suppressed by the warlike, conquering, patriarchal leaders. It appears to be starting to make a comeback nowadays as people are feeling dissatisfaction with current conditions.[547]

Working on balancing the self naturally brings us to our feelings of being out of balance. Those of Q’uo encourage us to think of ourselves as a sphere, not a tottery biped on two legs:

To discuss being in balance is to move first into a perception of the balance of the sphere. It is only human, shall we say, to think of balance as having the characteristic of balancing between two legs, as you do when you walk. In actuality, balance is more a characteristic of realizing the center of one’s orb of beingness so that all of the happenstances of incarnational catalyst simply cause one to roll with the energies which are being manifested and expressed by the environment in the self. It is helpful for you to place that model of the self as the sphere in the mind simply in order to see that, metaphysically speaking, balance is not a matter of falling far, for the metaphysical being when self-realized to any extent, is infinitely curved and not that with protrusions which catch one and bias one.[548]

It is good to remember that we are all unique, and our balance may well not be anyone else’s at all:

We are all different expressions of the One. In this life, and many before, we have had experiences that have conditioned how we perceive things, in my opinion. We have had experiences that have conditioned how we respond to things. They’re all correct for each of us on an individual level. Again, I would remind all that we are here to learn to balance. We all have different needs in order to reach our individual goals. We all have different ways of doing things. Let’s honor each other’s right to be “wrong.” And remember, we are all viewing things and responding to them based on our personal programming.[549]

There is no question but that balancing the self is a tough process, a refining that can be abrasive and difficult:

If it is understood that the primary work of third density is in tuning and balancing those lower three energy centers of red, orange and yellow and then of opening and finding ways to maintain an openness and fullness of the heart, then it may be seen that those energies are not instinctual. The refinement has begun, for you stand as a third-density entity as a kind of rough diamond with unpolished edges and without sparkling facets, and through lifetime after lifetime within your third-density experience, the self that is inherent within, that crystalline entity that you truly are, begins to become visible as the friction of everyday living works to smooth and refine that crystalline self. Certainly, some of the abrasive and cleansing experiences of your illusion seem unlucky and unfortunate, yet it is precisely that friction that does the work of exposing the crystal that sparkles within, and the work that is done by the seeker is work upon the self. The seeker wishes to balance red ray, for that is the basic and very important beginning of energies, and that which is not freed and flowing within that root-energy center constitutes a primal blockage that will slow and distort the pure light energy which you are receiving from the Creator.[550]

We inevitably come into cyclical, intimate contact with our dark side:

This is not a simple or short project. However, the beginning is one word long and that word is “accept.” The first job of one who comes to work in consciousness is to accept the 360 degrees of selfhood. This 360 degrees of complete humanity is also a 360 degrees of complete divinity. The energies of each are necessary to the other at this time and this space. This intersection is your selfhood. Thusly, you are accepting yourself as you murder, steal, lie, commit adultery, take holy things in vain and all the other heinous crimes connected with grocery shopping, doing chores, and living the day to day life. There is much catalyst for anger, irritation, even rage, in the bumping up against other entities which mirror back to the self the self’s dark side.[551]

Temptations themselves can be profitably seen as balancing mechanisms and worked with as such:

To each entity which engages in the process of offering its service to others in any fashion which is successful, there shall be the temptations offered which serve as a balancing mechanism in order that the entity which has manifested the desire to be of service to others might be offered an equal temptation to move from that service and to join the negative path in some fashion within the life pattern for some period of time. This may be seen also as an opportunity for that same entity to strengthen its desire to serve others and to move ever more faithfully upon that path as the temptations to glorify the self or to gain a power and recognition for the self are recognized and refused.[552]

It is easy, in the midst of this work, to fear we are going crazy, or at least dropping the ball. Resist the temptation, says this wanderer:

I know that people that will admit they fall into the category of a wanderer will say, “I’m crazy,” or “I’m off the deep end,” but you know what? I’d say you’re crazy if you don’t doubt for a minute that you’re a few cards short of a deck while you’re on this journey of awakening and discovery. Balance is necessary, and it’s intelligence that’s kicking in, there, telling you, “Well, this is weird, better worry about this information coming in.” It’s your mind being a worrywart and not wanting the rest of you to go jump off that cliff, into the abyss of insanity.[553]

Balancing Meditations

To regularize and ritualize this important discipline, a balancing meditation is suggested, to be done in the evening of the day, when the catalyst has been experienced and the responses can be noted and evaluated. This nightly meditation balances the recommended daily silent meditation of the morning, and is mentioned often by entities of the Confederation.

Each is familiar already with the basic principles of working with the day’s experiences in such a way as to balance these experiences, but we would mention at this time that this is a technique which is very useful for consistent and constant realignment of the self in the direction which the seeker perceives to hold more and more of truth. That technique is to, within meditation, allow the mind to riffle through the day’s experiences, searching for those things which have distracted or attracted, repelled or drawn the self during that diurnal period. Those things which were perceived as [either positively or] negatively oriented, then, would be brought to the conscious mind and the memory replayed. When the self feels that emotional distortion which was the initial reaction during the day’s busy rush, this feeling or ideation shall be allowed to express and intensify within the emotional self, or more precisely, within that portion of complex of energies which is the self which deals with the emotional and mental perception, allow these feelings and ideations to become ever stronger until you feel they are well intensified. Then mentally lay down that emotion and sit with that emotion without any attempt being made to change it. Allow the complementary emotions and/or ideations to arise, allow the other side of the coin to become slowly visible. When the opposite of the first emotion is felt and has been respected and honored allow the thesis and antithesis, the original feeling and its complementary one, to exist side by side within the mind’s eye. Both of these things are you, for each self is universal and contains all that there is.[554]

If the issue involved is full of anguish and too fresh to work with today, it is time for us to rest and nurture ourselves in silence and peace, but as soon as possible, take up the balancing process. When working with the energy centers, it is best to work with the lower energies first, then work our way up. We can start with our body sensations and work upwards into the mind’s responses to catalyst:

Ra: I am Ra. The Questioner may perceive its body complex at this moment. It is experiencing sensations. Most of these sensations, or in this case, nearly all of them, are transient and without interest. However, the body is the creature of the mind. Certain sensations carry importance due to the charge or power which is felt by the mind upon the experience of this sensation. For instance, at this space/time nexus one sensation is carrying a powerful charge and may be examined. This is the sensation of what you call the distortion towards discomfort due to the cramped position of the body complex during this working. In balancing you would then explore this sensation. Why is this sensation powerful? Because it was chosen in order that the entity might be of service to others in energizing this contact. Each sensation that leaves the aftertaste of meaning upon the mind, that leaves the taste within the memory, shall be examined.[555]

One common misconception in doing balancing work is that what we are doing is strengthening or activating the energy centers. While it is a very good thing to strengthen the chakras, activation is not valued in this work as much as the balance of all the centers:

Each energy center has a wide range of rotational speed, or as you may see it more clearly in relation to color, brilliance. The more strongly the will of the entity concentrates upon and refines or purifies each energy center, the more brilliant or rotationally active each energy center will be. It is not necessary for the energy centers to be activated in order in the case of the self-aware entity. Thusly entities may have extremely brilliant energy centers while being quite unbalanced in their violet-ray aspect due to lack of attention paid to the totality of experience of the entity. The key to balance may then be seen in the unstudied, spontaneous and honest response of entities toward experiences, thus using experience to the utmost, then applying the balancing exercises and achieving the proper attitude for the most purified spectrum of energy center manifestation in violet ray. This is why the brilliance or rotational speed of the energy centers is not considered above the balanced aspect or violet-ray manifestation of an entity in regarding harvestability; for those entities which are unbalanced, especially as to the primary rays, will not be capable of sustaining the impact of the love and light of intelligent infinity to the extent necessary for harvest.[556]

We may think of the primary rays as the first three, red, orange and yellow, the lower centers.

The most fragile entity may be more balanced than one with extreme energy and activity in service to others due to the fastidiousness with which the will is focused upon the use of experience in knowing the self. The densities beyond your own give the minimally balanced individual much time/space and space/time with which to continue to refine these inner balances.[557]

The results of balancing include joy, springs of energy and more and more finely tuned compassion, as those of Ra say:

The catalyst of experience works in order for the learn/teachings of this density to occur. However, if there is seen in the being a response, even if it is simply observed, the entity is still using the catalyst for learn/teaching. The end result is that the catalyst is no longer needed. Thus this density is no longer needed. This is not indifference or objectivity but a finely tuned compassion and love which sees all things as love. This seeing elicits no response due to catalytic reactions. Thus the entity is now able to become co-creator of experiential occurrences. This is the truer balance.[558]

I readily confess that as far as I am concerned, this has not yet occurred! But I am working on it.

Entering Fully Into The Present Moment

The challenge of the present moment is endless. As we meet this particular moment together, I am focused on bringing us into a fuller consideration of how we can work with this moment. I am also experiencing the flow and the partial blockage of energies throughout my system, and at one level am engaged in gathering information about my situation, where energy might be blocked and why, what my overall energy center balance is doing, what my attitude is in body, mind and spirit and what is distracting me. Those distractions include temptations to think on what has been done and cannot be undone, and what is yet to come and completely ungovernable. We all have a tremendous amount going on inside ourselves. Meeting the present moment with a fullness and an integrity of focus and beingness is not at all the simple thing it may seem to be at times in inspired moments. One thing to consider is how long it has taken us, in terms of the number of lifetimes we have been working on this mystery of self, and in terms of the amount of intense catalyst in each lifetime and especially in this present one, to achieve this present moment. We are at a point on our spiral of evolution that has been dearly bought and which represents the foundation for the future, looking at time as linear for the moment:

I see that all of my previous experiences, no matter what they were or how I came to have them, were for the sole purpose of bringing me to the place that I am today. This, I see as one of the profound truths of all creation.[559]

And what is this learned lesson that is suggested? We can use the term, acceptance. We might also call this realization an entrance into a state of non-fear:

Very few entities are able to dwell in the present moment, but, rather, they are chastising themselves or congratulating themselves on that which is passed or worrying about that which is to come. It is well to remember that each moment intersects eternity. We ask each to release the fear of living in this illusion, to release the fear of leaving the illusion and to become content with whatever conditions prevail, accepting any condition as agreeable, even though it may seem to be a serious challenge or difficulty.[560]

Acceptance, the energy of the open, empty hand, is a quality that moves from very deep within our nature. It is my feeling that joy or bliss is our native state, the one we experience when we are in an accepting, allowing state and our energies are freely moving. It is definitely not the case, to my mind, that happiness itself is an objective within this present illusion. It is a treat when it visits, and we enjoy that lack of discomfort and general feeling of content. But the focused and peaceful flow of bliss is something more. It is a natural and always potentially available energetic state and when we do achieve that free flow of energy through the self, it is most healing and energetically strengthening. It begins, perhaps, with the full acceptance of oneself. This includes acceptance of limitations and difficulties which can easily be perceived as coming from outside the self, as opposed to being planned by the self before incarnation in order to aid the program of lessons the seeker has chosen. In my case, for instance, I placed physical limitations in my life experience both in childhood and, more stringently, after I had chosen an intentional spiritual way of life with Don Elkins. And, as balance to such limitations, there were the lessons of acceptance of the love of others, which balanced the former and more sacrificial lesson. Although my experiences of pain and limitation of the physical kind have at times been extreme, I can vouch for the fact that many who have written in to me are suffering far worse than I, in physical, mental, emotional and spiritual ways that make my troubles seem negligible indeed. Whatever our problems on planet Earth, let us know we are not alone in coming to this present moment challenged by our full perception of it. And most of all, let us remember when serving that it is just as important to learn to accept love as it is to learn to accept a lack of love. It makes us feel very humble to receive praise, and yet people will offer us their love and support, sometimes most unexpectedly. It is central to our growth to learn to be able to accept such love offerings in simple gratitude without protesting our unworthiness. It is not until we have accepted ourselves as we find ourselves, and as others find us when they thank us, that we will be able fully to launch ourselves into the loving acceptance of other people.

The battle is fought for the heart of the self and sometimes a seeker may begin to think that he has more than one self within him, so full of contradictions do the wandering vagaries of selfhood seem. Thusly, to move from tolerance to celebration of others, the first challenge is to begin to perceive the self within this larger view which does not judge but rather uses energy in a positive and creative manner, in self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and self-empowerment. To keep faith, continue in hope and do all such good works as open before the eyes.[561]

In the context of our family or work environment, it is well to remember how much stronger a group whose members support each other is than a group whose members are not so well knit. Don, Jim McCarty and I, as individuals, were three good people: one great soul and wise man, one intelligent librarian, researcher and writer, and one excellent scribe, good manager and powerful jack of all trades. Apart, we were well intentioned, normally imperfect individuals. As those of Ra said, only together did we become able to serve beyond our limitations as we did during the Law of One contact.

This particular instrument was not trained, nor did it study, nor worked it at any discipline, in order to contact Ra. We were able, as we have said many times, to contact this group using this instrument because of the purity of this instrument’s dedication to the service of the one infinite Creator and also because of the great amount of harmony and acceptance enjoyed each by each within the group; this situation making it possible for the support group to function without significant distortion.[562]

A good way of saying just what it is that we are accepting in the present moment is to say we’re accepting the unacceptable. Certainly, many times our present moment is most acceptable and pleasant. The challenge comes when this particular present moment seems painful, hurtful, challenging or just plain wrong. However, the logic is clear. We are creatures of love, made of light. We are sparks of the Creator. These are two ways of saying that we are universal beings; we are all that there is in one package, each of us containing all. So, no matter what is happening to us, it is flowing directly from the heart of our sense and our destiny, no matter how unfortunate it may seem. Those of Q’uo comment:

The most strengthening gift that you can cultivate in the regard of this most important and central service is the gift of persistence and unflagging acceptance of any and all circumstances, because it is only an illusion that lies between you and that which is the truth. To extend across the chasm between doubt and faith, some entities need great structures to guide them. Other entities find their chapel in the woods, or in the mountain.[563]

So many times, when there is something we are resisting in life, if we look carefully we can see that it is an old issue, the return of a theme that has come up before, whether once or many times. The simple truth is that resisting something that is attempting to teach us is futile. We do not have to be of a certain mind as we come into acceptance of this catalyst, but we do need to see that coming into an accepting relationship with the issue itself, and determining how we can cooperate with the lesson involved, is the only way that will serve to move us forward on our paths. If we run from one version of a problem, it will just crop up in a different and probably more difficult form.

The reason it is unwise to overcome is that overcoming is an unbalanced action creating difficulties in balancing in the time/space continuum. Overcoming, thus, creates the further environment for holding on to that which apparently has been overcome. All things are acceptable in the proper time for each entity, and in experiencing, in understanding, in accepting, in then sharing with other-selves, the appropriate distortion shall be moving away from distortions of one kind to distortions of another which may be more consonant with the Law of One. It is, shall we say, a shortcut to simply ignore or overcome any desire. It must instead be understood and accepted. This takes patience and experience which can be analyzed with care, with compassion for self and for other-self.[564]

Nor can one take a short cut by editing the self by will. We cannot remove ourselves from that which we feel. Rather, we need to come into acceptance of those things we feel.

In terms of doing the inner work, the challenge is to find ways to allow that which is not the heart of self to fall away. It is not that one decides to remove self-identification from this or that pattern of living or distortion of mind, but the seeker who feels that it knows what is to be dropped in order to be more the heart of self is deluding itself at some level, for there is no way from within the self to see into the patterns of energy that are, in essence, distortions of the one infinite Creator. Consequently, there is no rational way to become more and more undistorted. Working to become less distorted is a distortion itself, and the seeker who attempts to guide itself in the ways of becoming the Creator is, instead, most likely developing patterns of thinking that are in and of themselves an additional distortion, so there is the addition of distortion rather than the subtraction of distortion.[565]

Instead of immediately trying to become less distorted, it seems more helpful to focus first on forgiving the distorted self and accepting it, just as it is.

When the person facing this situation can realize the degree of fear that is distorting the challenge at hand, then it is that that entity becomes more and more skillful at looking straight at the fear involved and taking that fear within the heart and forgiving the self for being fearful. This work upon the self, over a period of time, begins to build up for the self a concept of the self as being flexible, able to learn new ways, unafraid to speak regardless of the consequences.[566]

I feel it is important to work at removing fear little by little, not tearing away whole systems of fear so quickly that we are aquiver with it, but moving towards fearlessness one small step at a time. Removing fear allows us the freedom we need to consolidate what we have learned and keep moving onward to new vistas, new learning, new growth:

This childlike nature is balanced and focused by the maturing sensibility of a seeker. This is the strength of experience, catalyst which has been processed and placed carefully within the personality as a secure building block is placed within any builded structure. However, this maturing and adult-like attitude can also be an inhibitor to further change, in that it wishes to maintain that which it has and that which it is, for it is difficult enough to accept one’s self as one sees the self, and to be asked to accept that which is perhaps more unknown within the self is an added challenge, which again requires the attitude of the child, looking at all about it without fear and with complete acceptance.[567]

In this regard, I want to iterate something I have said before: I am not writing this book completely from experience, or at least not fully successful experience. Take this subject of coming into a full and joyful acceptance of the present moment and situation. Am I fully successful at this? Of course not! And how ironic it is, as I work on this particular section, to note that I spent the first part of this day, as I answered mail from those who write to L/L Research, eagerly looking forward to that time in the afternoon when I should be free to work on this Wanderer’s Handbook project. Now that I have gotten to it, I am spending part of the fifty minutes I’ve carved out of the day bemoaning how little time I have left before I must quit the exhilarating task. We all have so much to do! I enjoy every letter and errand, but sometimes chafe under the busy-ness. I cannot come into full appreciation of this single present moment, except rarely, in an utter way. The bare memory of moments of full presence, however, draws me on irresistibly. And of course I, as do we all, have time to practice. My lessons repeat for me most conveniently, and I am able to keep rehearsing those things to which I have come to be sensitive as “my” lessons. Do not ever be discouraged from doing indigo-ray work because we are not, in our own eyes, successful or worthy. Just keep practicing! CB encourages us to think of it as a maze, which we can keep retracing until we solve it:

It isn’t the mysteries in life that are profound. It’s living it and finding your way through it as an atom in its structural becoming.[568]

The fruits of acceptance include love and forgiveness:

So rouse the self from its daze with a shout of joy and stand in glad acceptance that you shall do all for love. And in that giving you may perhaps have one outcome or the other. But whether the little life of flesh is ended or is preserved, then you shall be with the Creator. Take these opportunities to polarize, to experience unconditional love, to experience a deep forgiveness, of all concerned, and most of all of yourself, for being dazed by the illusion once again.[569]

We may be “up the lazy river,” in the words of Hoagy Carmichael’s song, but we do have a pole, or at least some small say in just how we take our course by the “old mill run.” Another fruit of acceptance is a deepened quality of patience:

A limitation is wisely accepted as the basis of evaluation of further action. When one cannot walk one finds oneself an appropriate seat. When one cannot speak, one remains silent. When one cannot understand, one embraces mystery. When one cannot move, one embraces the concept of moving motionlessness.[570]

We are all vulnerable to the seduction of the work ethic when it comes to doing spiritual work. What use are our gifts if they are not shared with love, as St. Paul said so long ago? Without love, we are a clanging gong, a big, empty noise! Being comes first. It is such a subtle play, being and doing, balancing acceptance with the use of the steering mechanism in finding ways to cooperate with our destiny. When we use words like acceptance, we move into words that share many of the same textures and qualities, like love, praise and thanksgiving:

This process of accepting that which is, whether it be easy or difficult, is a process of, in one sense, becoming able to appreciate each facet of the Creator that is revealed to you and to build upon this appreciation so that it becomes more natural to give praise and thanksgiving for all one’s experiences. For, within the attitude of praise and thanksgiving, one smoothes the journey, shall we say.[571]

The larger viewpoint teaches acceptance. How perspective helps! We work both with acceptance and desire, so intimately it is impossible to see them, or any of these concerns we have been talking about, as separate paths, for they interweave and play through our experience, and we pick up more ability to play in return with these skills and attitudes towards the present moment and all it holds. When we can find easy acceptance of what is happening, what a wonderful estate to dwell within! When we find ourselves caught with the unacceptable and the thorns of our own desires, we can still meet the moment with praise and thanksgiving.

This attitude of gratitude is like acting as if we are in love or as if we have faith. It offers a hotbed for the truth to grow up in. If we can find ways to appreciate the beauties and blessings of the present moment, we are entering into a level of seeking that, to me, makes sense and helps a lot with my basic and rather blandly devotional mysticism. Not that the fire of my worship is bland but that passivity itself seems intrinsically inane. When people come up to me at parties, they generally are asking things about me, and what have I to report? Ecstasy lifting me as I dance in the living room with my husband after a day of work? Joy flooding me in so many moments this day, the play of the dead petals all curled up in brown dignity on the last of the daffodils I was deadheading, the new coleus just welcomed to the garden under the sycamore tree this afternoon while Jim and I talked with an old friend who dropped by for Sabbath blessings. Bliss does not travel to party conversation well! Many seekers share this basic problem: the concerns that take up our main interest aren’t commonly shared. How many people wish to speak of coming fully into the present moment, for instance? In a world that is often unaccepting of us, to find acceptance within ourselves, for ourselves and each other and what is, is a true challenge. However, it is an effort I have found well worth the trouble.

Using The Light Touch

All these ways of working with indigo ray can tend to make us sober citizens. We can easily become overly serious and earnest in our spiritual seeking, an attitude as much out of balance as a cavalier and scornful attitude towards serious study would be. The truth of experience seems to be that oftentimes pain is a catalyst for the learning of the light touch. Going for the light touch is calling on our deeper nature:

Realize, each of you, that stress must not get in the way of the light touch, the merry joke, the smile, the grin, the laughter, the good times. That is your true nature. You are all children of the Creator, and the Creator is love and joy, merriment and peace.[572]

It is not that we know it all and therefore can relax and laugh. We are choosing to be merry in the face of continuing unknowing:

No word and no concept of which we now know can encompass the great mystery of the infinite Creator. In the face of such a complete unknowing, it is well to have a sense of humor, to feel free to be merry in one’s search, for long faces are not good environments for the rapid growth of spirit. And as each within your often painful illusion must wear the long face from time to time, we hope to encourage in one’s spiritual seeking that most blessed quality of joy.[573]

The very energy of laughter and the light touch is green and blue chakra level energy and is sacred:

If you have difficulty feeling that laughter is holy, think back to the last time in which you laughed and laughed. Was there not a full feeling of receiving the expression of love, forgiveness and healing within the heart of that laughter? Laughter is the fire’s communication with the Earth as mercy is the rain’s communication with the Earth. Laughter first burns away pain, then it builds golden castles and offers to the joyous recipient the universe.[574]

Not unexpectedly, since laughter is blue-ray energy, there is tremendous truth in laughter, and laughter and the light touch improve communication:

There is great truth in laughter. One who takes himself seriously and goes solemnly about the business of telling the truth will find himself with his leaves turned away from the sun, unfed by light and love. Take a light touch, each of you with yourselves. Love and care passionately, and burn for your highest ideals, but not for your own performances and behaviors. At these you may laugh, for to be human and to be foolish is to say one thing twice. You will be foolish. Enjoy the folly that allows you to care so much, too much, that you risk everything and leap into midair knowing nothing because of your love of a mystery that you know only by faith and hope.[575]

Along with most wanderers and outsiders, I have an irresistible and unavoidable sense of humor. I love to laugh. I see a cartoon in every scene that unfolds before my eyes, no matter how fraught with difficulty. Mary 2, a woman who has certainly had enough tough catalyst in her life for three or four people, agrees:

Do wanderers have a warped/outrageous sense of humor? I know I do! That’s one of the things that keep me going.[576]

Those of Q’uo heartily concur:

That which your peoples call the sense of humor is, indeed, most helpful to any entity, no matter the position upon the path or the placement within the life pattern. We see that which you call the sense of humor as being a sense of proportion where an entity is able to gain enough experience within the life that one may see a broader view. One stands upon a somewhat more elevated position, building experience upon experience, until that which you call wisdom is begun.[577]

In terms of working with the self, we are told to deal with ourselves very gently:

As each seeks to be of service, each need not treat himself harshly if at times he comes short of his expectations of how he should help others, or if others fail to respond to his attempts at service as he would have expected them to. The attempt is often worth more if it is tried without the expected results occurring, for in these times he is afforded the opportunity to reflect on reactions, attempts, and can learn to deal with himself softly.[578]

How do we come at a sense of humor when things seem bleak? A key here is the concept of balance. The light touch is a balance for seriousness. Melissa, for instance, has great need of this balance, for her experience has discouraged her hope that she can rise above emptiness and folly. The fact that Melissa is in business is undoubtedly a factor! She repines:

Regarding what you said about faith and seeing the silliness and emptiness of things, I’m afraid that very emptiness is what has made it so difficult for me to have any levity whatsoever.[579]

The vision of the human comedy, with its tragic aspects and its utterly funny ones too, is most helpful:

If you gaze at the universe, not with a jaundiced eye, but with the eye of a merry child, you may see the comedy amidst the tragedy that is life as you experience it. The light touch, the sense of humor, is extremely helpful in lightening stress. To laugh is to be within the kingdom of heaven. To be in close love and harmony with another is to experience the bliss of that heavenly kingdom.[580]

The healing of the incarnation takes time and patience. We work with our desires, and with the letting go of desires, accepting the challenge of entering fully into the present moment, and accepting the certainty of our continual failures to do this consistently. How precious a sense of humor, the light touch and laughter are as we wend our way through the ways of self and circumstance.

Chapter Nine: Sex And Relationships

Sexuality

Sexuality is something with which none of us escapes dealing. More than any other activity which is enculturated as a central theme of societies, it is irresistible. Even if we spend our lives celibate and in retreat, our bodies themselves will function sexually in ways we cannot control, giving us a sex life even if it is only in dreams and fantasy, and ethical considerations of every hue if we find ourselves attracted to and embarking upon intimate relationships.

I cannot speak firsthand for men, but as a woman, I was quite unawakened until kissed by the man I considered my prince, at the age of 17. When I was 15, wondering what all the buzz was about, I accepted a date with the handsomest man I knew, with the intention of trying a kiss to see if I liked lust. I gave it a very fair try and was forced to conclude that there was nothing in lust for me except nausea. I knew then that it was folly for me to be concerned about dating until I met someone I could conceive of loving. I have come to understand that women now often start their active sexual lives much earlier and more casually than I did at 19, which was my age when I first made love, and with the fiancée I thought I would marry quite soon. However, from my own experience I would say that it is still quite possible for a woman to remain celibate and contented in her virginity until marriage, if she does not have deeply erotic physical contact with her dates. Once awakened, a woman’s sexual passion is very strong, as strong as a man’s. Those wishing to maintain celibacy until marriage, men and women both, are encouraged not to awaken those passions within, but to keep dating very light and innocent. There is a wonderful energy to giving one’s body to one’s mate for whom one has faithfully waited. If it is still within our range of choices, I recommend this avenue of awakening the sexuality. If we make love with one mate, that mate is the whole world of sex. It is nearly always a positive experience, and a bond is created that is very dear. With the advent of a second lovemaking partner, one is introduced to the world of comparisons. This is not always a good thing for one’s eventual state of contentment within an abiding relationship. I happen to be married to the most studly man I ever met, so I am a happy woman today, but I do know why. More apropos, when I made love with my first love, I thought he ruled the world. A second partner quickly revealed that some animals are more equal than others, to use an Animal Farm phrase.

For men, there is a different physiology and a different enculturation, which makes the choice of celibacy, both as a young teenager and later in life, more of a challenge. Unlike women, whose sexual trigger points are hidden away and not immediately a factor in her everyday consciousness, a man’s phallus dangles overtly and restlessly, bouncing with every step he takes, rubbing against his clothing and groin, inescapably there. A young boy’s relationship with his penis is intimate, little toddlers and kids not yet trained out of it hang on to their sex at inappropriate moments, not guessing that so pleasant a thing could be wrong. I have sympathy for men. I do not think their sexuality is stronger, it is just out there and much more easily brought to mind. This does not excuse a man’s choice of indiscriminate sex from a spiritual or ethical standpoint, but it is meant to indicate an understanding of the situation. Men do not stray a great deal more than women in terms of having affairs, but it is often the case that a man will be less discriminating in his choice of partners, for sex is more often on his mind and good choices are usually thin on the ground. Our culture is distinctly unhelpful in this regard. Cleavage or beefcake and a pretty smile are callously and abusively used to sell products in our advertising, and we grow up taking in and committing to unhealthy memory these sexual nonesuches, which we quite often look nothing like. Pretty women and handsome men are often courted for their attractiveness alone, and I have met quite a few men who do not like that kind of sexist treatment any more than most women do. Nevertheless, there it is. Fat or thin, hip or unstylish in our looks, we are all, when in the market for a sexual partner, in a huge display of sorts, with people looking at each other and musing on whether there is chemistry there. We might find the process wonderfully exciting, or ghastly and to be avoided at all costs, or any point in between those two extremes, but we will undoubtedly be there at some point.

I embrace my sexuality and my passion. It has brought me together with people that have changed my life and transformed it in ways beyond my imagination. It brings us to incredibly complex learnings, service and choices, but is, itself, simple indeed, as simple as animal magnetism. Sexual attraction brings us together:

Let us examine passion. As we have said, it is the enclosure of two very powerful forces, purified emotion and that free will within the entity which chooses to stand behind that purified emotion. The most basic passion and perhaps the one most clear in the mind of each here, is sexual, physical passion. Because the body cannot speak, it is most often true within your illusion that true passion is felt in this way rather than in an intellectual or spiritual manner. This is as it should be, for it is the cornerstone of your carefully contrived illusion that physical passion shall bring people together.[581]

The experience of sexual ecstasy is often our first and sometimes our only experience of the Creator:

We are not saying that each must have the sex life; we are saying that each must feel good about having a sex life, whether one is or is not in a relationship at the time. One must feel not only tolerant but good when one thinks of one’s passion and sexuality, for the passion that one feels at orgasm is one’s first experience of the steady state of the Creator. It is brief and fleeting, but it is an indication given as a gift and also as a perfectly practical means of evolving the species by the one infinite Creator.[582]

Its expression wells up from the depths of our archetypal and Logoic roots of mind:

Yet, both in and out of the garden [of Eden], there comes the second archetype: the helper. Each entity has within it the lonely warrior and the helper, the fount of all wisdom and solace. Your Logos has created a strongly biased sexual differentiation so that although each male and each female experiences both needs, yet still to the male is given the striving for the freedom by nature; to the female, the centered feeling of untold riches of happiness, solace and peace. Neither males nor females experience enough of freedom without an emotional bias, and neither males nor females experience most purely the joy of being of total service. Yet by the sexual choice of a chemical body at the beginning of incarnation, each of you has chosen to experience the male archetype or the female archetype as regards that which is demanded by the culture. It is to be noted that only in highly cerebral cultures where education has been carried far does the idea of interchangeable roles surface, for it is not an idea which fits naturally with the genetic disposition of the third-density body which has been issued to each of you.[583]

It is easy to see why the change in sexual roles can be disturbing. Rules of polarity which our culture has adopted for centuries are being changed. When women reach and men await the reaching, roles are reversed at a profound level of mind. However, in a creation where all biological men and women are both male and female in their natures, there is plenty of room for all ways of getting together which do not break ethical and moral rules of respect and courtesy. Those of Ra talk about sexual polarity:

Questioner: In the previous material you mentioned “magnetic attraction.” Would you define and expand upon that term?

Ra: I am Ra. We used the term to indicate that in your bisexual natures there is that which is of polarity. This polarity may be seen to be variable according to the, shall we say, male/female polarization of each entity, be each entity biologically male or female. Thus you may see the magnetism which two entities with the appropriate balance, male/female versus female/male polarity, meeting and thus feeling the attraction which polarized forces will exert, one upon the other. This is the strength of the bisexual mechanism. It does not take an act of will to decide to feel attraction for one who is oppositely polarized sexually. It will occur in an inevitable sense giving the free flow of energy a proper, shall we say, avenue. This avenue may be blocked by some distortion toward a belief/condition stating to the entity that this attraction is not desired. However, the basic mechanism functions as simply as would, shall we say, the magnet and the iron.[584]

This attraction is most advantageous for us as spiritual entities:

Sexuality itself has advantages. The advantages of being polarized are a fruitfulness which one cannot gain without polarity. This may be seen to be literally true in human sexuality, wherein male and female come together to allow the opportunity of a pregnancy to occur. In the sense of working with one’s conscious awareness of the passing moments of experience, polarity is that which actively encourages the self to move into relationship. The sexual polarity creates a bias towards seeking companionship. The companionship may then move in any of a number of ways, all of which bear fruit in terms of an increased rate of catalyst, and therefore, an increased opportunity to learn from the catalyst.[585]

Sexuality begins as a creature of the root chakra. No matter how angelic and heavenly sacramental sex may become, it is powered from the red ray, and that primary energy is necessary to include in the vibration of sexual offering and experience.

The physical vehicle which provides the means of locomotion through this third-density illusion for each of its inhabitants is a conscious and intelligent portion of the same Creator that creates all experience within and beyond your illusion. Thus, the physical body is a being with a type of concept system which operates in what seems to be an independent fashion from the mind and spirit complexes, in that the physical vehicle is nourished by the constant application of direction, movement and the qualities of fertility, shall we say, that are associated with the root or base energy center.[586]

When the root chakra is excited by attraction to a potential mate, interest rises, quickly or gradually, and an increasing infatuation may descend:

We find that this concept which you have called infatuation is the mental and emotional analog to the natural attraction of oppositely polarized biological sexes. This may be likened unto the magnet and the iron filing. There is no thinking required to bring the two together, thus when an entity notices an attraction to one of the opposite biological sexual nature, the entity may seek further contact in order that the attraction may be explored. When further contact reinforces the initial attraction, then the mind and the emotions begin the processing of this catalyst and the beginning of what may later develop into that which you recognize as love is at hand. The so-called infatuation period, then, serves the purpose of drawing entities of similar vibratory complexes together in order that they may proceed upon the evolutionary path in a manner which is efficient and appropriate to each, that is, in the utilizing of the daily round of activities as catalyst, that when pondered to a sufficient degree allows experience to be born and recorded within the significant portions of the self. Thus does the infatuation propel or, more correctly, provide the potential for the entities to propel themselves further along the path which each has chosen before the incarnation.[587]

I cannot defend sex as altogether good, for we humans have perverted many things, including sex. Yet there is nothing more innocent and natural than sex as it arises from our bodies’ very natures. The matter of to whom we are attracted is unique to each of us. If our first experiences are those of masturbation, we are probably not imprinting a decided sexual preference by our choice of about whom to fantasize, although I think over a long period of time, those Playboy models can indeed imprint a man’s mind. Certainly, our first sexual experience of positive effect plants a preference in our natures that can be enduring throughout the life:

The experience of each entity’s life includes a full list of imprinting situations. The instinctual imprinting first shows itself as the mother suckles the newborn infant. There is a deep emotional content to this simple act which has life-long consequences for the mother and for the child. Again, that first experience of intimacy with the opposite sex creates an imprinting so that that first experience is instinctively retained as being the perfect sexual experience, and the rest of the incarnation is affected by those circumstances which were local to that imprinting first experience.[588]

This can be very unhandy. One thing that cut short Don Elkins’ and my very brief intimate life together was his imprinting experience, which had been when he was 15 and a cousin tied him face to face with a female relative. In the struggle to escape, things happened, and he was forever changed. I was perfectly willing to enter into the bondage he preferred when I grasped what he wanted, since it was a matter of using only scarves and soft things, but a woman with rheumatoid arthritis is not precisely the best candidate for being tied up, and Don soon intuited that I was doing this for him rather than looking forward to the next uncomfortable session with breathless interest. When he asked and found this was indeed the case, he simply ceased relating to me that way. I then assumed that he didn’t feel attraction to me any more. I was not a sexually confident or mature being at that time, having come from a failed engagement and a failed marriage directly to him. If I encountered this situation now, I would systematically and in merry humor go out and purchase a sturdy bed with four posts, fit soft, secure cuffs to the four posts, and have my way with him whenever I pleased. I think he would have been pleased. But in those days, my confidence was looking up at the edge of a dime. In hindsight, I see that for Don and me, this was a glory that was not meant to endure. I see a great deal of destiny in our relationship’s being intended by us both for another level entirely, one of spiritual companionship and service. Some relationships are especially tangled. For those who are dealing with a mate or with the self in such a tangled situation, I encourage clear communication with our mates. Usually, something can be worked out that is comfortable and acceptable to both, if the pair do not get embarrassed or turned off by each others’ limitations. If a sexual relationship remains seemingly impossible after loving and persistent communication, then it is well to look with care at the possibility that this relationship has more metaphysical than physical reason for being. But we need not give up the physical possibilities without thorough investigation and thought. The important thing in sex is to share whatever we have together in a loving and supportive way, to pamper each other and make each other feel good. Creating an atmosphere where it is safe to feel sexually hot, alive and good is a true gift of love.

One dynamic that at first glance makes no sense is the variance in the ages of men’s and women’s sexual peaks. In general, a male is said to reach his peak at around age twenty, whereas women reach their sexual peak a decade later. Those of Ra say:

We must make clear distinction between the yellow-ray, third-density, chemical bodily complex and the body complex which is a portion of the mind/body/spirit complex. The male, as you call this polarity, has an extremely active yellow-ray desire at the space/time in its incarnation when its sperm is the most viable and full of the life-giving spermato.[589] Thusly, the red ray seeks to reproduce most thickly at the time when this body is most able to fulfill the red-ray requirements. The yellow-ray, chemical body complex of the female, as you call this polarity, must needs have a continued and increasing desire for the sexual intercourse for it can only conceive once in one fifteen to eighteen month period, given that it carries the conceived body complex, bears it and suckles it. This is draining to the physical body of yellow ray. To compensate for this the desire increases so that the yellow-ray body is predisposed to continue in sexual congress, thus fulfilling its red-ray requirement to reproduce as thickly as possible. The more, shall we say, integral sexuality or polarity of the body complex, which is a portion of the mind/body/spirit complex, does not concern itself with these yellow-ray manifestations but rather follows the ways of the seeking of energy transfer and the furthering of aid and service to others or to the self.[590]

So this dynamic is geared to fulfill the instinct to fertility, although as the Ra group says, we can move beyond this to the formation of a loving relationship. Fertility is a wanderer’s issue. For many wanderers, children do not seem to be a part of the experience of sex. This includes myself, although consciously I have always wanted children. My life choices have consistently led me into situations where having children was either impossible or inappropriate.

Questioner: I was wondering if there was some principle behind the fact that a sexual union does not necessarily lead to fertilization. I’m not interested in the chemical or physical principles of it. I’m interested in whether or not there is some metaphysical principle that leads to the couple having a child or not, or is it purely random?

Ra: I am Ra. This is random within certain limits. If an entity has reached the seniority whereby it chooses the basic structure of the life experience, this entity may then choose to incarnate in a physical complex which is not capable of reproduction. Thus we find some entities which have chosen to be unfertile. Other entities, through free will, make use of various devices to insure nonfertility. Except for these conditions, the condition is random.[591]

Wanderers ask Jim and me concerning their homosexuality or bisexuality from time to time, especially since those of Ra are not particularly understanding about the issue. The Ra feel that it comes about because of overcrowding and aura infringement on a gross level. This gives homo- or bi-sexuality a sense of being wrong or at least lesser states than heterosexuality. In this instance I disagree with the Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow. I feel that sexuality is sexuality. The person to whom we are attracted may be male or female, but the attraction mechanism is the same. If we are bisexual or homosexual in nature, I encourage us to honor that sexuality and feel good about it, and make the choices that will place us in faithful, committed, ethical and loving relationships in which sex is shared as a part of a much more complete sharing of the intimacy of the self, just as I would encourage us to do if we are heterosexual beings.

No coverage of sexuality would be complete without a look at impotence. There are some men and women who have a naturally weak sex drive, and in men this will often translate into the symptoms of secondary impotence, either premature ejaculation or no ejaculation even after prolonged swiving, occurring even during their twenties, and complete impotence occurring some time thereafter. For such people, and for those whose impotence is caused by a medical problem, medicines such as Viagra may help, or the manual pump. However, for most men, occasions of impotence appear to be at least partly mental in nature, and due initially to some specific or deeper, general stress taking the attention and focus away from love making. Jim and I have had a couple of patches of this in our twenty years together, and my observation is that sexuality is powerfully mental, and very vulnerable to “what if” thinking, once it has happened. It is also very easy to repeat a lack of ability to have an erection when there is worry about whether it will occur. The solution Jim and I have found together is to press on. If the situation occurs, it is natural enough. It has happened, I would guess, to all men in every age and station at some point in their lives. My feeling is that reducing the importance of it is the key. Enjoy the intimacy that is there, and if things work, fine, if they do not, let that be fine too. There will be a next time. Things will get back to normal.

Beyond my actual experience is the time when a man knows that he is permanently impotent, or that he wishes not to have any more swiving in his life. In older people, this decision comes to most involuntarily due to impotence or equally involuntarily due to the illness or death of the mate. However, I have known one couple who simply decided to end their intimate life, around age 80. Not beyond my experience are women I know who have never, ever felt pleasure in the act of sex. If our mates or we are at that point, then my suggestion is to let that be all right. As the Confederation entities say, it is not having sex that is important spiritually as much as it is feeling good about ourselves as sexual beings, and thusly opening the red ray and the lower energies in general. There may well be cures for individual persons in this situation, and certainly if we wish to, we can pursue that. But we can also decide to be content and accept what comes. It is a matter of our individual feelings and sense of what is right for us.

There are many ways that sexual energy may be blocked. Extreme examples of this include rape and sadistic domination, as opposed to the more innocent forms of bondage:

You will find, if you observe the entire spectrum of sexual practices among your peoples, that there are those who experience such gratification from domination over others either from rape or from other means of domination. In each case this is an example of energy blockage which is sexual in its nature. The sexual energy transfers and blockages are more a manifestation or example of that which is more fundamental than the other way about. Therefore, as your peoples became open to the concepts of bellicosity and the greed of ownership, these various distortions then began to filter down through the tree of mind into body complex expressions, the sexual expression being basic to that complex.[592]

According to those of Ra, Freud had it backwards. Our sexual blockages stem from our deeper cultural concepts, like aggression, greed and possessiveness, rather than the other way around. They describe these blockages:

The first energy transfer is red ray. It is a random transfer having to do only with your reproductive system. The orange and the yellow ray attempts to have sexual intercourse create, firstly, a blockage if only one entity vibrates in this area, thus causing the entity vibrating sexually in this area to have a never-ending appetite for this activity. What these vibratory levels are seeking is green ray activity. There is the possibility of orange- or yellow-ray energy transfer; this being polarizing towards the negative: one being seen as object rather than other self; the other seeing itself as plunderer or master of the situation.[593]

Theoretically, then, there is no such thing as red-ray blockage, although for more sensitive people, deeply felt threats to survival might constitute blockage. Predictably, in wartime or in dangerous situations, sexual desire actually rises. However, the orange-ray blockage is probably the one with which we are most familiar, the bar-hopping booty seeker who never gets enough. She cannot get enough, for she is attempting to receive a gift of love, a green-ray energy exchange. That is what the sexual nature craves, whether it knows it or not, and it restlessly prowls, looking for a partner with an attraction that persists. Such partners are likely to be far too well defended to be able to give generous gifts within the sexual experience, the idea being to share a good time with no strings attached. So the search goes on, forever ineffective in spiritual terms.

Questioner: Can you tell me the difference between orange- and yellow-ray activation? I am going to work up from the red ray right on through the violet. We have covered red ray, so I would like to ask now what the difference is between yellow- and orange-ray activation?

Ra: I am Ra. The orange ray is that influence or vibratory pattern wherein the mind/body/spirit expresses its power on an individual basis. Thus power over individuals may be seen to be orange ray. This ray has been quite intense among your peoples on an individual basis. You may see in this ray the treating of other-selves as non-entities, slaves or chattel, thus giving other selves no status whatever. The yellow ray is a focal and very powerful ray and concerns the entity in relation to, shall we say, groups, societies or large numbers of mind/body/spirit complexes. This yellow-ray vibration is at the heart of bellicose actions in which one group of entities feels the necessity and right of dominating other groups of entities and bending their wills to the wills of the masters. The negative path, as you would call it, uses a combination of the yellow ray and the orange ray in its polarization patterns. These rays, used in a dedicated fashion, will bring about a contact with intelligent infinity. The usual nature of sexual interaction, if one is yellow or orange in primary vibratory patterns, is one of blockage and then insatiable hunger due to the blockage. When there are two selves vibrating in this area the potential for polarization through the sexual interaction is begun, one entity experiencing the pleasure of humiliation and slavery or bondage, the other experiencing the pleasure of mastery and control over another entity. This way a sexual energy transfer of a negative polarity is experienced.[594]

This service-to-self path of sexuality seems to me a dreary one indeed. The use of the heart chakra is eschewed by that path, since a full acknowledgment of the heart energy includes the awareness that we are all one. Its only function, then, becomes influence over others. If we are involved in this kind of relationship, it is well to ponder this information, and evaluate our options. Unless we, ourselves, are on the path of service to self, it might be wise to avoid such sexual relationships, as a matter of loving ourselves and feeling worthy as sexual beings, but not better than, or less than, the mate. We need to evaluate for ourselves whether there is love involved in our sexual relationships, and if there is none, how we feel about that. For the lack of love totally blocks green-ray energy exchange.

Questioner: You made the statement that before the veiling, sexual energy transfer was always possible. I would like to know what you meant by “it was always possible” and why it was not always possible after the veiling, just to clear up that point?

Ra: I am Ra. We believe that we grasp your query and will use the analogy in your culture of the battery which lights the flashlight bulb. Two working batteries placed in series always offer the potential of the bulb’s illumination. After the veiling, to continue this gross analogy, the two batteries being placed not in series would then offer no possible illumination of the bulb. Many mind/body/spirit complexes after the veiling have, through blockages, done the equivalent of reversing the battery.

Questioner: What was the primary source of the blockages that caused the battery reversal? Before the veil there was knowledge of the bulb lighting technique, shall we say. After the veil some experiments created a bulb lighting; some resulted in no bulb lighting. Other than the fact that information was not available on methods of lighting the bulb, was there some root cause of the experiments that resulted in no bulb lighting?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.

Questioner: What was this root cause?

Ra: I am Ra. The root cause of blockage is the lack of the ability to see the other-self as the Creator, or to phrase this differently, the lack of love.[595]

We can also call this lack of love, lack of trust or fear.

It may be seen that the lack of skill possessed by most at accepting a feeling of vulnerability to another or alien energy creates in both sexes a fear: the fear of the unknown, the fear of the different or alien. This fear is only intensified by the maturing of the physical bodies of male and female. If female or male carry these fears into their sexual relationships, these fears will become deepened and more and more fixed, for the power of sexual attraction is such that both male and female feel at risk and vulnerable at this insistent demand for nearness which the body complex has. Insofar as this nearness disturbs, the intimate experience shall be accounted a dangerous one, and its fruits, to an extent, will be squandered because of the profound fear of, shall we say, losing control, not only of the situation but of the very self.[596]

So often, the most well-meaning person will give us catalyst in the form of lack of trust, fear or resentment. There are archetypal reasons for this dynamic of lack of trust: our very instinctual behavior with regard to sexuality.

Now, let us move closer and gaze at the questions of using the dynamic balance betwixt male and female energies. One way in which it is possible to use the partnership of male and female is that both male and female remain deeply defended, shall we say, in the relationship against contamination from the dynamic other, be it male or female. In this type of dynamic there is very surely a true battle betwixt the sexes, for if the male is not interested in the strengths of the female mind and sees only the inconvenience of dealing with it, it will become more and more distant from the female energy, and less and less able to experience female energy in a positive, or fertile, way. Similarly, the more the female moves further into the intuition, and, shall we say, love for love or romance which marks the female energy, the less able the female will be to understand or experience the strengths of the archetypical male.[597]

Here, for example, is a typical complaint from an alienated wanderer:

The sexual energy is probably the most important and difficult aspect of our being which we must learn to deal with correctly. Like most intelligent and imaginative people I’ve always had a strong sex drive, but it was so closely bound up with idealism and love that it was a torture to me. Looking back, I can hardly believe how naive I was.[598]

One interesting thing about this comment is that it is made by a male, not a female, although the sentiment expresses a yearning for romantic love that is culturally more likely to be expressed by women. This is an extremely difficult and confrontive man, a true wanderer with sensibilities that wound himself and others frequently. Without being able to come into a good relationship with his own sexuality, his life has lost its power to heal. We as wanderers are very likely deeply to regret any sexual blockage and wish for sexual energy transfer and mating with an open heart very much. But our different natures and the cultural differences in our upbringing mean that we will continue to offend each other almost predictably.

Women have an archetypical tendency to be what this instrument would call “bitches.” Males have the archetypical tendency to be what this instrument calls “pigs.” These are pejorative terms. This instrument uses them because to speak them aloud takes some of the sting from that inevitable truth, for that element which seems bitchy is only the outcropping of that healthy tendency of protection. The female fights with words. That to which it is reacting is that male nature which reaches indiscriminately, and no matter how far a male has come spiritually, the physical vehicle of that male will continue to reach indiscriminately.[599]

It is a real voyage for a man who has been brought up in this culture to achieve actual fidelity, the joyful, freeing kind that enhances rather than delimits experience. In terms of sex itself, it is well to come to see this dynamic, and its consequences. Men will tend to stray, and women will tend to speak with sharp tongues about that tendency. This situation is sometimes reversed, it is to be noted! If our sex life is trammeled by this situation where the other is wishing for more partners than we, or we are wishing for more partners than our relationship can offer, be aware that this is evidence of a lower chakra blockage, either orange ray, due to lack of trust of the partner, or yellow ray, usually having to do with the fact that the partners are involved in a marriage or settled relationship and it does not any longer feel new. Work with the fear behind this urge, rather than condemning the urge. If we can avoid it, do not stray when in a sexual relationship, but by all means see into this situation with forgiving and healing vision.

With the advent of the opening of the heart within sexual activity, the possibility of sexual energy transfer is offered, and, oh, what a relief it is!

Questioner: Could you define sexual energy transfer and expand upon its meaning, please?

Ra: I am Ra. Energy transfer implies the release of potential energies across, shall we say, a potentiated space. The sexual energy transfers occur due to the polarizations of two mind/body/spirit complexes, each of which have some potential difference one to the other. The nature of the transfer of energy or of the blockage of this energy is then a function of the interaction of these two potentials. In the cases where transfer takes place, you may liken this to a circuit being closed. You may also see this activity, as all experiential activities, as the Creator experiencing Itself.[600]

***

In green ray there are two possibilities. Firstly, if both vibrate in green ray there will be a mutually strengthening energy transfer, the negative or female, as you call it, drawing the energy from the roots of the beingness through the energy centers, thus being physically revitalized; the positive, or male polarity, as it is deemed in your illusion, finding in its energy transfer an inspiration which satisfies and feeds the spirit portion of the body/mind/spirit complex, thus both being polarized and releasing the excess of that which each has in abundance by nature of intelligent energy, that is, negative/intuitive, positive/physical energies, as you may call them; this energy transfer being blocked only if one or both entities have fear of possession or of being possessed, of desiring possession or desiring being possessed. The other green-ray possibility is that of one entity offering green-ray energy, the other not offering energy of the universal love energy, this resulting in a blockage of energy for the one not green ray, thus increasing frustration or appetite; the green-ray being polarizing slightly towards service to others.

The blue-ray energy transfer is somewhat rare among your people at this time but is of great aid due to energy transfers involved in becoming able to express the self without reservation or fear.[601]

The search for a sexual mate who can share love from an open heart is most wisely undertaken, not in an aggressive and needy way, but in the sense of valuing such energy when it comes our way, and appreciating the great gift bestowed upon us, both in the love received and in the chance to love in return. In such energy exchanges between loving people, the heart is filled with joy, peace and power, and if blue ray is penetrated, much aid in clear communication is given. All such exchanges are most healthful and healing. However, the sturdy glory of the sexual potential is sacramental or indigo-ray sex.

The indigo-ray transfer is extremely rare among your people. This is the sacramental portion of the body complex whereby contact may be made through violet ray with intelligent infinity.[602]

***

Ra: One whose indigo-ray vibrations have been activated can offer the energy transfer of Creator to Creator. This is the beginning of the sacramental nature of what you call your bisexual reproductive act. It is unique in bearing the allness, the wholeness, the unity in its offering to other-self.

Questioner: What is the difference between violet ray and the others?

Ra: I am Ra. The violet ray, just as the red ray, is constant in the sexual experience. Its experience by other-self may be distorted or completely ignored or not apprehended by other-self. However, the violet ray, being the sum and substance of the mind/body/spirit complex, surrounds and informs any action by a mind/body/spirit complex.[603]

So violet ray, while necessary to sacramental sex, since it is the gateway to intelligent infinity, is not, in itself, a chakra directly active in sexual energy exchanges.

The sexual energy exchange between the mated pair is one of the most powerful means of advancing the spiritual journey that is known to your peoples, for as each seeker is able to clear each ascending center or chakra of energy, there is therein released the energy that has been holding the consciousness in a certain place, and this freed energy then can allow each seeker to move the level and quality of perceptions higher and higher within the centers of energy until each is able, either individually or together, to move into the brow center, the indigo ray as we have heard it described by this group, and is able to experience the one Creator in full and without distortion.[604]

In the white ceremonial magical tradition of the west, sacramental sex has sometimes been called “high magic.” While I in no way recommend any form of sexual action, whether western or eastern in discipline, that is calculated for effect rather than as a way to share and uplift love, and while I would eschew any sort of “black” sexual activity, involving sadism and masochism in their hurtful, as opposed to playful, form, I can attest to the beauty of this high magic.

The heart of white magic is the experience of the joy of union with the Creator. This joy will of necessity radiate throughout the life experience of the positive adept. It is for this reason that sexual magic is not restricted solely to the negatively oriented polarizing adepts but when most carefully used has its place in high magic as it, when correctly pursued, joins body, mind and spirit with the one infinite Creator.[605]

This pursuit is not out of the reach of any who finds a good partner. It may be the work of many years to find the springs of love and trust opening in the relationship to the point where such advances are possible. But the work is not arduous, and the results are truly astonishing when one begins to reach these higher energies.

We ask each to see working on sexuality as a holy occupation and part of a holy life. Let it be wonderful and fun. Free the self to rejoice in the beauty of this energy. This is a long process sometimes; however, there is much pleasure in the work.[606]

Yes, there is, and I am most grateful for the passion I have shared in my life. It has been of inestimable benefit. I feel that the nature of sex is play, a divine play that is as rich as the people doing it and the spontaneity of the moment. Treat each time like a new experience, a first time, for it is indeed a first time. And when we have begun to play the old and dear tunes of the body, focus on that note the pleasure sings and the electrical flow and light of it through our body and connecting in its bright loop through our partner’s and around again. There is a metaphysical tone and flow of energy that is distinct for each experience, and the moving into the sacramental is done through, first, the dedication of the entire act to the infinite Creator, and the dedication of the pleasure of the act as well; and secondly, the intensity of focus given to the flow of pleasure in the present moment. Give the self completely to and in this most hallowed joining, for it is divine.

Relationships

We are a social species. Regardless of our planet of origin, this third-density experience, and all the experiences that follow, especially for service-to-other seekers, are increasingly social and driven by relationships. Primitive cultures are clear examples of the tribal nature of our very beings. In those societies, the idea of people living alone and not socializing is largely absent. Even in our sophisticated times, with people often living very isolated lives, we are dependent on a complex system of production and delivery of all kinds of goods and services that enable us to pretend we do not need anyone else. In a way, it was easier to see the value of relationships clearly in pioneer times, when each day held a long list of things to do just to survive. If a mother wished to give her family new shirts, for instance, she would spin the thread, weave the thread into cloth, cut the cloth into the shirt patterns and sew the pieces together into shirts with more of her thread. If she wished to give her family baths, she had to save ashes and create soap as well as carry wood and water and heat the water for the baths. To put food on the table, a father would go out and bag game, and grow vegetables and herbs for his larder. The children were given just as much as they could handle, as early as they could do it, for even the small toddler can fetch and carry things, and as children grew older, they would enter into all the chores, weeding, being cook’s helper, watching smaller children. The parents taught the children how to survive in each facet of living. Everyone in the family could see the value of this process.

Nowadays, we simply purchase what we need with money made from our hard work, usually at a job at someone else’s company, although a significant number of us are in business for ourselves, with varying degrees of financial success, and a happy few of us are independent of serious money concerns. Within a family, the wife may not have time to cook, sew or clean, and the husband may well be too busy even to mow the lawn himself, that traditional “guy” thing, much less farm or otherwise tend to physical needs the family or home might have. There is no motive or momentum to teach the children survival skills, with the exception of money-earning skills, which are pursued by parents for their children as they encourage them to make it through schools, colleges and trade schools. What we are taught is that we must make our own way, and that education and hard work will help us most.

The physical, elemental necessity for relationships is no longer lucidly evident in the fabric of our lives. In a powerful way, we suffer for this. For as Carolyn Myss says in her interesting book, Anatomy Of The Spirit[607], we are a tribal species at the very root of our being, and we find a fundamental security in the feeling of belonging in our tribe, our community of the friends and family that make up our small and immediate world, our village, our state and nation. Further, as we interact with these, our most intimate companions and our larger tribes, we find great catalyst for learning and opportunities for service. Relationships are the essence of being human.

The essence of third-density learn/teaching and teach/learning is that there are other selves, to which one must relate in choosing the manner of that relationship with others. The choice of polarity becomes first recognized and then made. The third-density physical vehicle was designed to function only in what you may call the family. By oneself one cannot reproduce and create new life. Without other selves working in cooperation, your own self will be unable to create a meeting of all needs. The essence of what you may call human is an absolute need for relationships with other selves.[608]

Part of the reason we came into incarnation as a biological male or female was to set us up for certain important relationships that we planned together before either person came into incarnation.

In broad strokes, then, it may be seen that entities which wish to learn the lessons of unselfish service through labor away from the family are drawn to the male sexuality. Those wishing to work in relationships and to learn the lessons of unselfish loving and serving through presence [in the home], may well choose the feminine gender. However, at a more goal-oriented level, these goals having to do with what you may call karma, male or female gender may well be chosen regardless of the implications of any sexual bias in order to set up the appropriate relationship wherein lies the work of the incarnation. Thusly, if one with whom you have a tie which is karmic has the need to establish the sexuality as male, then in order to come into a desired mated relationship, for instance, you would choose the female gender in order to arrange the niceties of convention so that it would be possible to choose during the incarnation to take on this relationship. Within this relationship, you, as a woman, might be needing to work in what seems to be a more masculine series of lessons of responsibility and provision. However, the sexuality would have been chosen only in order to set the stage for the work in relationship.[609]

In addition, we often choose other relationships that have nothing to do with gender.

Your entire makeup as a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual being in this environment calls you to be with each other. It is obvious that, physically speaking, the male and female call to each other to perpetuate the species. And this indeed is the beginning of many, many relationships. Yet there are others that have just as much use with companions, friends, teachers.[610]

If we are fortunate and honor the relationships that we do have, we may find that as we change and evolve, our relationships do too. If we are careless with people, or unlucky, we might find that a bond becomes tenuous when we change.

I am familiar with more than one individual whose marriage fell apart or friendship dissolved as a result of changes. In reality, these relationships were probably already in trouble to some degree and this only served to accelerate the outcome. I am also aware of the positive impact that these changes have produced in my own relationships with others.[611]

So much of how we respond to these changes is a matter of our chosen attitude! When people find relationships going sour, the heart of the trouble is some kind of fear.

You asked what do entities fear when they are working on relationships, and perhaps we would say that the greatest fear is the loss of love or trust and the betrayal of security in whatever distorted way that security is felt by the self and by the other self. Many issues have their heart in this emotional security. The surface of an issue may be money, or health, or where to live. It may be almost anything in which two people have a different view, but whatever the seeming issue there is a deeper issue, a singular issue involved and that is not necessarily a doing issue but a being issue.[612]

Relationships feel risky. Many times, they are indeed a challenge. It is no wonder that we quail at times. When we fear for our security, we are bound to be uncomfortable.

I fear another relationship. I never thought that this was the case. I just said that I wasn’t ready right now. The more I thought about it the more I thought that it was time to try again. Then I found that I would come up with the most ridiculous reasons not to. I had a friend tell me in not so nice a way what was going on. I thought about what this person said, and found that this was indeed true. I am scared. So I have been looking at this for a while (yeah, another stall tactic) to find why I react the way I do. I’m still not real sure. I know it has a lot to do with my divorce, but as to the exact reasons for the fears arising, I am still unclear. One thing I came up with was to just go ahead and start to date again. I’m sure that this would bring all that scares me to the surface for my viewing. But that doesn’t really seem fair to the other person. But boy, what a catalyst to learning that would be!![613]

I note that Mike has since gone on to fall in love again and marry, and is presently engaged in the tag team experience of a pater familias with two sets of children, his and hers, to raise. He has definitely continued to find catalyst in relationships. He remains in love with his mate, I am glad to say! His bride just wrote me to say that, whatever their problems, they as a couple are doing fine! We are all imperfect, flawed beings, from the standpoint of our outer behavior on Earth today. Relationships usually act to bring each flaw lovingly to the surface, as one wanderer notes:

I know I am intelligent, sensitive, talented in many ways. But I have what seems like a horrible flaw. Most people never see it, or only get tiny glimpses. My family knows my moody streak and accepts me as I am. I have always connected this emotional imbalance with my creative urges and linked it to being an artist. This may be true, but sometimes it sounds like a convenient excuse. I am fully aware of the degree to which I am being tested in this area. It is something that’s been with me all my life and shows no sign of going away. My relationship with my partner is now the primary catalyst. We are in many ways like polar opposites, and coping with those differences is at times more than I can deal with. That’s when I lose it.[614]

When we lose our tempers and our poise, we set up what seem to be, sometimes, intransigent disharmonies we cannot abide. And yet we also discover ourselves at ever deeper levels from this reflecting effect of seeing another respond to us.

In service to others let each be stern with the self, and full of infinite love and advocacy for each other. You have your own lessons to learn, and only out of those lessons do you have what you may give in love and harmony to the group. Take those lessons seriously, and in your personal relationships, make full use of the mirroring effect. Listen to each other honestly, but as you come together in love and light, do not seek to be understood as such and such, but seek only to understand the beauty of each other. Dwell in praise and thanksgiving to the one infinite Creator. Rejoice in the harmony that your blind faith has given you with each other. You are not harmonious together: No people are harmonious together unless they give up that which is ego, and cease to judge.[615]

Our artistic 131, talking about her rocky relationship with her boyfriend’s sister, gives a good example of this reflecting process:

Sometimes I look at the situation and think something about her and how I perceive the way she is dealing with this situation, and then I stop and realize that that is exactly what I am doing myself. At that point I realize that what I am seeing is a reflection of myself. It is a very helpful tool, if a person can see it, and I admit, I can’t always. I guess what is not always clear is the degree to which I view things as a reflection of myself versus an actual perception about another person.[616]

A good relationship, meaning a relationship where both people are willing to work on communication and trust, is worth its weight in gold to the people involved, because the interaction helps them to learn about and to balance themselves.

There is an inner opening to infinity, and patience is the doorkeeper. Difficult experiences of the mundane type, whether they be relationships or situations, are designed to place the pilgrim in the perfect place for the experience it needs to overcome deep biases which are unbalanced in the personality. To be impatient with the world because it has made you sad or angry or defeated is to be impatient with yourself, and by this time the seeker has already decided that if the self is unworthy, that is certainly too bad, for the self is here and the self must seek to be the best and the highest that it can be. Each self is perfect in some way at some level. This is acknowledged at some point by the seeker. The paradox betwixt the perfect and the blatantly imperfect self is accepted; that it does not matter that there is a paradox, but that one must still seek and not be at war with the self.[617]

Acceptance of the self as is and of the other self as is are equally difficult when relationships get thorny, and they all do if they go on long enough. At least, mine have always been up and down a bit. Even with the most blissfully supportive friendships with my best girl friends, there has occasionally been a misunderstanding which temporarily seemed to derail the relationship, and only after good, careful, loving work with each other has the fear been allayed on both sides, and the relationship mended. I just had a wonderful visit with a high school friend. Our companionship has lasted forty years now. She came to visit over Easter weekend, and we spent long and satisfying hours talking, being together in silence, and sharing our experiences over the past year since we have seen each other. About ten years ago, at a very tough time for both of us, I felt she had abandoned me, and I was rude in expressing this to her. She became afraid of my anger and for several years, we struggled, successfully, I am most glad to say, to restore the trust between us. We are closer than ever before. We have each other’s measure as imperfect beings, and have accepted each other, perceived faults and all. When we are in relationship and being real with each other, we simply cannot be perfect people. We picked the people we have in our lives to get into trouble with, to do work with, to evolve with.

You are old, old souls and you have given yourself your own choices of those relationships and environments which you feel will give you the most opportunity for learning. This is done by the friction of difficulty and trouble, frustration and other seemingly negative reactions, those things which trip up the attention and move your consciousness off the balance upon which you walk, balancing the various positive and negative catalyst which you receive, so that you may work with this catalyst and at your own pace continue the evolution of spirit. The evolution of third-density physical vehicles is at its end. Further evolution is all spiritual.[618]

All further evolution is spiritual, or spiritual/mental, or non-physical. That bears repetition! And the primary vehicle for working on this evolution is our relationships, with ourselves, with other selves and with deity. Some of us yearn for relationships:

Having the company of others who meditate and who are not judgmental is very important.[619]

***

I just wish I could find others or another soul-mate who believes in some of the possibilities that I do and that could travel with me.[620]

There are probably an equal number of wanderers who have been burned and really want to remain isolated and unhurt:

I function best when alone, I travel and enjoy my traveling best when I am alone. I cannot handle partnerships or group interaction. Actually, I can handle it fine but it is simply undesirable for me. I don’t have any best friend, never had, and do not particularly want to have children (I’m female).[621]

***

These days I choose to be alone and without a relationship/companion, just because I know what I want and need and I’d much rather remain solo than just be with someone for the sake of being with someone! I have had two four-year relationships. Being 29, this is really the first time I’ve been flying solo. And now I just know I will find a companion, but it’ll have to be someone I can relate to and talk to and that understands all this “stuff”! The thoughts that there are others out there that feel and know similarly to me give me nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile![622]

Wanderers are very sensitive people. They often tend to keep themselves protected from what they feel are inharmonious vibrations. It is my feeling, however, that we as awakened spiritual beings do well to toughen ourselves up to the point that we can do the work that we came here to accomplish, and part of that work is done through honest and heartfelt work, in all humility, on the relationships that we are privileged to be a part of. I think of a letter I got today from Pharaoh. He went through a bad spot of depression and anxiety this last year and wrote me a pretty stiff e-mail. Naturally my first impulse was to delete and ignore his words. That’s so easy to do! I followed my second impulse, which was to hunker down with the post and find a way to respond to it that was honest, forthright in what I had to say, and as accurate and kind as possible. Pharaoh responded magnificently to my rather tart but thoughtful missive, and months later, today, he thanked me again. He had lost one good friend during that period, he said, and was glad he had not damaged our relationship as well. I thought about how close I had come to combing his lint out of my hair, and thanked heaven for hanging in there with him. As seekers, we need to take the time and effort to explore every path before giving up on a relationship. They are too valuable to waste on temper and laziness.

However we presently feel about relationships, the winding lanes of our lives will bring us together, and we will feel that attraction to each other that heralds a chance for learning and service. It takes tremendous energy to stay apart from the people we intended before incarnation to have in our lives. I feel it is far better to cooperate with these attractions to friends, teachers, students, mates, lovers and passers-by who have much to share with us, and who are giving us the opportunity to work on sometimes subtle balances that we may have been involved with dealing with for not only this lifetime, but other lifetimes as well. Often, our most central relationships have followed us through more than one incarnation.

Many difficult relationships are the results of previous unfinished beginnings, and the difficulty of the relationship is much like the difficulty of a person that receives that which seems to be fresh from the grocery but which when taken home, though sweet and fresh to every physical sense, yet seems still somehow aging and putrefying. There is something ancient, something one cannot put one’s finger upon, something which smacks sometimes of déjà vu. This is that with which you deal lovingly, compassionately, and may we say, dispassionately with in this life experience in order to finish that which has been begun, that all may be balanced with that particular relationship, or in regard to that particular point, that the entity has been attempting to learn and has yet not completely gotten, shall we say, under the belt.[623]

I love this arching vision of the increasingly complex spiritual family we gather about ourselves as we interact with people throughout many incarnations, making our network of love and light ever larger, and hooking into more and more others’ networks, until finally, we become a truly integrated and unified family of humankind. But in order to start to do this within this incarnation, we must first come into relationship with ourselves fully, and see that it is our own responsibility to be fulfilled and pleased with our lives, not the burden of some perfect relationship:

I recognize that I have played the never-ending searching game for the perfect relationship. This is the endless quest for a soul mate. But it is a fruitless search, because we are looking for our perfect mate outside of us, and that wish can never be fulfilled. It is an imaginary being. And we will continually be frustrated in that pursuit outside of ourselves. There is never the perfect mate to fit our perceived ideas. All we will obtain in this endless hunt is unhappiness and frustration. No one can ever live up to our special guidelines. No one. Once we accept that other individuals come into our lives to bring us lessons needed, and to help us grow, then we will understand the riddle of life. There is a joyful beauty in living within a relationship. And that beauty is shared between all individuals. Yet, we must never forget that the other person is not here to fulfill our every wish and desire and to make us complete. That will never happen. We are the only ones who can accomplish this. Until we realize this, we will have nothing but hurt and frustration and possibly anger, because it is an impossible and hopeless search.[624]

Rather than putting expectations on a relationship, we need to be able to appreciate the relationship we have with each person, as it is, right now. This is sometimes the veriest challenge. I think about the tangled relationship that I had with Don Elkins with especial keenness of appreciation for all that this odd bond brought. There was confusion aplenty in this unmarried and celibate mating. Because Don chose celibacy, and because after due thought, I did not, I inaugurated a situation of careful agreements. We agreed to be mates, in that he and I had a primary relationship to which we were faithful. After he requested celibacy for himself and I had tried celibacy with him over a two year period, we further agreed that I could take a lover if I felt that was appropriate for me, and that I would tell Don when such a physical relationship began, and when it ended. We fully understood that such a relationship would never impinge upon the primacy of our mating, other-worldly and metaphysical though it was.

Since this agreement was in place and had been so for nine years when Jim McCarty’s and my friendship began to deepen into physical attraction, I was able to make a solid physical commitment with Jim McCarty, in 1980, when we agreed to became lovers as well as friends and co-teach/learners. Directly as a result of this additional source of extremely high-quality energy exchange in my life, and as a result also of Don’s inviting Jim to join L/L Research and to work with us full time, we were able to begin receiving the contact with those of Ra that became our most advanced research result to date. It also placed Don in a position where he was vulnerable to doubting that the agreement I had made with Jim to be his lover was not a threat to my commitment to Don as my mate. This set him up for a successful psychic greeting that ended with his descent into insanity and suicide. Don’s choice of remaining single and celibate, then, though it dashed all my hopes for a conventional married life with a home and children, set us up both for the very highest culmination of Don’s and my life work and for the misunderstanding between us that led to his death.

It is to be emphasized that Don was always doing his level best to be in relationship with and a good companion to me. He was just poor at relating to himself or anyone else. His choice from early in life was repression of all preferences, even from his own notice. But we were so strongly attracted on so many levels, we both felt we had to be together. We served each other to the very best of our ability. His confusion, and my own, were in addition to our profound love of each other and of our work together. Relationships are often tangled one way or another, for, ironically, when we wish to avoid entanglement and commitment, we can weave an intricate web. But no matter how puzzling at times, we need to be aware of the great gift of relationship, and find thankfulness and appreciation for the chance to love and be loved.

Let us look at this plan. The entity who gets the opportunity to incarnate within your density upon your sphere first goes through the process of creating the scenario or the screenplay, shall we say, for your personal movie of life. You choose the cast. You choose who shall play mother, father, spouse, lover, friend, enemy and so forth. You make agreements with these entities, not within the Earth plane, but within the finer world which this instrument calls the inner planes. No matter how difficult the relationships seem or how much pain has been experienced, this was part of your own choice. It may be difficult to believe or to understand how you would wish to choose to ask yourself to suffer, yet we can only say that when one is outside of the illusion that you now enjoy it seems like child’s play, and a good kind of playing at that, to plunge into the sea of confusion and to swim about in its waters.[625]

If we lose track of this attitude of thankfulness, even for the difficulties of relationships, we are very vulnerable to bitterness and disappointment, which is a good and cleansing catalyst, but is self-inflicted. In fact, by holding on to expectations of a relationship that have not come to fruition as we had hoped, we may well block the healing of our incarnation until after our physical death.

If one has created the hoped-for actions within an incarnation but has been unable to balance relationships created or taken up again in the process of offering the service to the creation, there will not be the clarity of perspective necessary in order to effectuate further healing. For many entities, then, the incarnation shall not be healed within the incarnation because there has been created within the seeker no firm rock, depending solely upon the relationship with the Creator, upon which that balance might be viewed clearly.[626]

Relationships, for all their worth and centrality in learning and service, are hard.

Realize that all relationships within the density that you now enjoy, with very few exceptions, go through difficult times, not just once but cyclically. Do not be afraid of these times, but rather gaze at what unites the two rather than what separates you, one from the other. Do this for the love of your mate, for your love of self and, above all, for your over-arching desire to be part of the good that comes to the Creator’s heart.[627]

If this is not done, the relationships becomes unacceptable, and we lose a source of much learning.

Usually, those relationships which one finds unacceptable for one reason or another are a substantial portion of the catalyst for learning that you yourself have set into motion before the incarnation. You are not faced with these unacceptable relationships because of some failure on your part to understand, or some failure on the offending entity’s part. Rather, you are gazing at a situation and you may assume, in most cases, that this is not unacceptable in the deepest sense, but rather a condition of relationship that you yourself chose because you felt that there were, in your loving and compassionate nature, those difficulties within yourself which made the limits of your love and compassion, and the very power of your metaphysical or magical being, less. These you wished to bring into perspective.[628]

When we hit a point of anger or irritation or some other kind of frustration in our relationships, then, those of Q’uo say:

Examination will provide you the means, once again, of following a trail. The trail begins at the point at which frustration is noted. Look at the series of events, the relationships, the entities involved at each of the portions of the experience before you. Look at them not only in their practical and mundane senses of everyday activities but look at them also as symbols of higher principles that are at work within your incarnational pattern. The more carefully you have observed patterns of all kinds within your incarnation, the more easily will you be able to connect the relationships of these patterns to the nature of the lessons that are yours to learn and the services that are yours to offer within your incarnation.[629]

One thing that gets people in trouble in relationships is the concept of fair exchange. In the first place, it is my experience of relationships that people always feel they are giving more in the relationship than the other person. Ask the other person in such a pair, and we will hear the same thing, the opposite way. We all are very aware of how much we are working to help things out, and we are all very quick to judge the generosity of the attempts of the other. It is a human trait apparently as deep as our bones. It is seldom clear to us that we are biased. But I believe we can assume we are all biased when it comes to relationships. We always think we are doing more! In the second place, relationships are often unfair for various reasons, and this does not stop them from being good learning and serving opportunities. Love cannot be denied. However sometimes, for all our awareness and hard work, relationships fail.

I have recently gone through a breakup similar to divorce, no legal marriage, just similar emotional ties. I have become angry, very angry, for the first time in a very long time. In fact, I cannot remember feeling this negative towards another person. It is strange because this person is one who is attempting to live in light. He is beautiful. He is just not capable of sharing his love with another at this point in his life. He does not love himself yet so he is on his journey. We have been separate for almost five months now. It is and has been one of the most painful situations I have dealt with. I am trying to deal with this, honor myself, recognize the spirit, learn my lessons and so forth. However, I cannot completely resolve this strong feeling of anger that I have towards him. I know I am not capable of holding onto this in a sense of a grudge. It is not my purpose. I am to share love. I know this. However, I shared my love as freely as rain falling. I have not received this in return. In fact, I have received pain. I am perplexed. The pain is so severe. This person was my best friend and the one that I thought paralleled my spirit.[630]

252 is seeing the self and the mate as two completely different souls, one of whom loved and gave all, one of whom disappointed totally. Lessons still to be gleaned at this stage of a relationship are those awarenesses we are able to find the humility to enter into, in terms of realizing what aspects of the negative things about the other are reflections of our natures that we ourselves can well learn from. This does not make the pain of seeming betrayal stop, but redirects useful spiritual thinking. One thing 252 does well here is create boundaries for closure.

In terms of the stability and solidity of your waking personality, there is no harm in drawing limits, in creating boundaries for relationships that allow you and the other self a measure of comfort and freedom.[631]

When it is time to say good-bye to a relationship, I do find it a sad thing. We cannot stop death from claiming our friends and loved ones, but we always hope we can find the right words and actions to come back into harmony with someone who still lives. I strongly believe in working to come back into balance with people, especially family members and important people in our lives. But good-bye does come, far too often for me. And there have been several times in my life where I felt it necessary to draw a boundary between myself and another whom I no longer trusted to treat me well.

Marriage

One of L/L Research’s most faithful friends, our computer expert, Roman Vodacek, was talking to me recently about his relationship with a girl friend. He was wishing that she would be as serious as he about commitment, so they could start a relationship. I shared with him my feeling that he was already in a perfectly good relationship. It might not be the one he has in mind, but it is the friendship that is real between them. However, I also know what he means, for he is, as many are, wishing for the bliss of romance and the promise and challenge of marriage. Having been very unsuccessful in my first marriage and having had a sustained, celibate sixteen-year unmarriage, I am aware of the many ways we can get sidetracked in and from marriage. Since marrying Jim McCarty in 1987, however, I have become increasingly a marriage enthusiast, for although we had an excellent relationship before marriage, there was, with the marriage ceremony, an added gift that, through the years since, has richly blessed us both. That gift is the sacramental presence of the one infinite Creator. In marriage, two imperfect beings ask to become one, to unite with each other and with the third party of deity itself.

The nature, in truth, of metaphysical marriage contains a third party. In any metaphysical covenant there is a third party which overshadows both entities. You may call that being the Creator in whatever face you see. Perhaps we would do best to call it living love. Those who do not marry and seek together, seek alone for the face of love. Those who seek through the covenant of marriage incorporate that which they seek into their seeking. This gives to those who grasp and understand the metaphysical meaning of marriage a gracefulness and a tenderness that would not come naturally otherwise.[632]

Just as in our own working with self, we are encouraged to see that the chance to have a mate needs to be approached with the skill of a patient winnower of experience.

Just as each awareness is arrived at through a process of analysis, synthesis and inspiration, so should the seeker approach its mate and evaluate each experience, seeking the jewel.[633]

This jewel of unification is very real. There is nothing romantic or silly about it, in the sense that it is a beautiful ideal which does not hold power for the everyday life of the human being. Certainly, there is tremendous challenge here, but becoming one being is a very potent magical working, and blessed are those who are able to take this rite literally and seriously indeed. It is true in that vague way that so many philosophical adages possess that as John Donne said, the bell tolls for us all, we are all members of each other, we are all one. But in marriage, two become one flesh, and what happens to one happens to both. Those of Q’uo respond here to a questioner whose mate is ill:

Be respectful of the duty you chose to shoulder in this incarnation. Realize that very few wanderers awaken to the extent that those present have awakened, and then see that the illusion is going to seem, for those who are this much awake, ever less harmonious, ever more deleterious to the sensitized physical vehicle. Why this and not that mate? Why the illness here and not there? Think not upon that, for the mated entity, the I AM of the two, have this illness. It is manifesting partially by one entity seeming weak, partially by one entity seeming strong; by one entity seeming to be unable and the other seeming to be able. But we ask each who seems to be so able, how able do you feel? And we ask each who seems to be so weak, how weak is your spirit now? We ask you simply to gaze upon the remainder of this incarnation in peace. The only thing you need ask of yourself is to work on harmony with the mate as first priority among all things, to ask of the self not what the world would ask of you, but to touch the I AM within you, and move in accordance with that wisdom, no matter where it seems to lead you, for your strength as wanderers is in knowing, accepting and rejoicing in the opportunity for servanthood upon a planet that is dark and much in need of the light and the love that you convey beyond all words and actions.[634]

I especially like this model of the self in marriage as working all out for harmony but in the context of the I AM, or Creator, within, for this orients the self to marriage in a way that preserves the boundaries and the free will between the two mates, and places the reliance squarely on the relationship with the Creator, and with the self. Marriage is not a gift given to us all, and when it comes, it needs to be seen for the gem it can be. We are going to live our lives. Here we are, the party has begun, and we will be eating, drinking and either making merry or not until we cock up our toes and leave this fair world behind. In marriage, we find a partner for the suffering as well as the joyful times, for the lows as well as the highs.

Metaphysically speaking, marriage is a fast track for spiritual seekers.

Certainly the most efficient way for spiritual seekers to work upon themselves is to be in relationship, especially the primary mated relationship. This is a great advantage for those who are aware of the process of spiritual evolution, to accept in a conscious way the burden of communication so that differing viewpoints about commonly witnessed catalyst can be shared without judgment and with mutual respect.[635]

Naturally, this is a lot easier to see either before the fact, or in hindsight! Mike Korinko repines after the ending of his first marriage in 1993:

Throughout my life I have had situations in which I wish I would have used the time more productively. I guess the best example is my marriage. I try not to get down on myself for it, but to be honest there are those times that I do feel regret, and a bit of anger at myself, for not using the time I had with my wife and daughter to the fullest.[636]

By 1996, however, Mike is once again in love:

She IS the one I came here with, and we have finally found each other again. The emotions I felt, and continue to feel both as a human and felt by the soul have been utterly amazing. I don’t think that I can put it all into words right now, I wish I could. I wish I could share this with the world.[637]

When I last heard from Mike, he was writing to let me know he and Lidia were moving into a new house, where they hoped they could begin to hold study and meditation meetings, opening their home to the public and attempting to serve within their marriage. Here is a man who definitely learns from experience, and has become a faith-filled miner in search of the many gems of marriage. Grey Wolf writes to express her very positive feelings about the wedded state:

My ability to trust others was not very high when my husband and I wed. I would often be extremely “clingy” to him if you understand what I mean. I’d want to be with him 24/7 due to the fact that I couldn’t believe someone actually saw something so wonderful in me that they want to spend the rest of their life with me! It’s almost as if I had finally found something to “belong” to with being married to him. This unconditional love I received from my husband was something very new to me and I had a very difficult time adjusting to it. Understandably, my husband felt smothered at times and was very patient with me.[638]

This underlying issue of trust is very central to the success of a marriage. We all have inner doubts to some extent about our actual worth and desirability. A loving mate can alleviate these painful imaginings, and an insensitive one can hurt us deeply. One great barrier to this unconditional love, faith and trust in each other is the aspect of marriage that those of Ra called the “adversary relationship.” Don is asking them about sexual energy transfers and they say:

Ra: The sexual energy transfers and blockages are more a manifestation or example of that which is more fundamental than the other way about. Therefore, as your peoples became open to the concepts of bellicosity and the greed of ownership, these various distortions then began to filter down through the tree of mind into body complex expressions, the sexual expression being basic to that complex.

Questioner: I just need to know then if this works through the racial memory and infects the entire population in some way?

Ra: I am Ra. The racial memory contains all that has been experienced. Thus there is some, shall we say, contamination even of the sexual, this showing mostly in your own culture as the various predispositions to adversary relationships, or, as you call them, marriages, rather than the free giving one to another in the love and the light of the Infinite Creator.[639]

Our culture infects us with the idea of getting an advantage, and not being taken advantage of. This whole line of reasoning makes marriage into a mere Earthly contract, and a tottery one at that.

We find that within your culture there is the basic gathering instinct that has been somewhat distorted, so that the giving unto another freely and joyfully is not that which is naturally exercised. Thus, there is, within many cultures of your planetary sphere, the desire to better the self, with secondary concern for others. This basic desire is that which is worked upon by all who seek to move the self along the path of evolution, for it is the turning outward of the focus of the attention that allows an entity to widen the point of view to the degree necessary for embarking upon a service-to-others path in an harvestable fashion.[640]

Without correction of this cultural tendency, an idealistic marriage can rapidly turn very sour and service-to-self oriented.

The means of mating that in your culture is termed the marriage has as part of its official structure the segregating of rights and responsibilities, the agreeing upon a contractual basis to the fulfilling of various duties within this marriage process, so that there is seen to be by those parties who engage within this process the necessity to give and receive in a measured manner so that there is the fulfilling of the duties. The process of culturally constructing this type of relationship is one which enhances the, shall we say, more difficult nature of the mating and provides additional catalyst to many who find the working through the preincarnatively programmed catalyst difficult enough.[641]

This may be seen as one of the more vivid understatements those of Q’uo ever made. The grabby, gathering, thing-oriented culture from which we spring is the single most pervasive source of distorted perceptions and expectations by those who come to marriage hoping to have a beautiful union. It really comes down to loving and trusting, and letting go of the concept of equal work. We will always think we are doing more than the other. Usually, both partners are really trying their best. But so many childhood pains and learned quirks get in the way of seeing this.

We realize that those who are in mated relationships have special problems. This is due to their expectations of each other. Had you no expectations of another entity, it would be very easy to be polite. However, among your peoples the mated relationship is one in which two become intimately involved enough that each attempts to learn to treat the other as Creator, to trust each other. Yet each is a very distorted version of love, a very confused rendition of creation; therefore trust is hard to come by between people. We do not ask you, therefore, to trust each other first, but rather to step back from the mate, from the difficulties which intimacy brings and choose instead to live within the least distorted creation which you are aware of, to refrain from forcing changes, right or wrong, shall we say, in a situation, until you have moved your consciousness to a higher and therefore more real and less distorted plane of consciousness. That plane of consciousness is that which one uses to meet with the Creator within.[642]

Treating each other as the Creator is a bit abstract, but here is a more concrete substitute: pretend we are completely in love with our mates. Look for the virtues and blessings the mate offers, and comment thankfully on them to the mate. Act as if love abounds. In time, we may well find the reality coming from the pretense. I have used this trick of mind myself when things got tough, and it has worked for me. This gambit is based on an underlying trust, in the mate and in the worth of the marriage. When I look back at the advent of trust within Jim’s and my marriage, the first thing that I see is that it is not finished. I can still hurt his feelings, and he can still hurt mine, because we mis-hear each other sometimes. Day before yesterday I wasted at least ten good minutes of my short life being angry with him for something I thought he said. Fortunately, we know enough after thirteen years of marriage to go to each other and ask for clarity right away. He’d said something altogether different, something dear and sweet and not remotely rude. Silly me! Again!

For Jim and me, there have been two times when trust bloomed at a new level. The first occasion was in the early stages of my rehabilitation from crippling rheumatoid disease, soon after abdominal surgery in 1992. Jim had been my anchor during my invalidism. It was very hard work, but he served with virtually no complaint. When I began to gain a life of my own, Jim did not know how best to adapt his role to respond to the changes. I began driving again, although Jim wanted to continue driving me, fearing my rusty skills. I insisted on driving myself. Jim’s reaction was the fury of the terminally worried man, with all his concern and care being rejected. It was clear to me that he was in a terrible state, wanting both to take care of me and to slaughter me. I also saw that I had this blend of extreme feelings for him as well, although I was not nearly as skilled at blazing. Change of this magnitude is difficult! I calmed him down by saying that I felt I had the solution. He had been around me for years, and he did trust me to have something sensible to say, so imagine his surprise when I told him that rather than trying to be tactful, we needed to clear the air. I told him that he needed to tell me how he wanted to kill me. “Are you absolutely sure of this?” he asked. I nodded, and braced myself. He obliged. It was a rather long diatribe, imaginative and eloquent, and very lethal. Out poured years of frustration and not knowing just what to do to help. I could feel the atmosphere brightening and lightening as the poison was purged. When he finished, I gave a good rendition of my frustrations as well. And after we were done, we had opened a new level of trust with each other. All our determined politeness had created a stoppage of energy, and we could both feel the healing that clear communication had brought. We dissolved in hugs and relief and Jim let me drive on my own, although it was a great worry to him for a while, until my skill level rose.

The second breakthrough was a happenstance on a vacation we had in 1994 along the Atlantic shore. A hurricane was coming, and it provoked a couple of very dangerous rip tides. We were caught in one of them, and were being swept out to sea. I took all my strength and pushed him to safety. My effort, however, had taken me farther out, and in the next little while, as I tried to swim towards shore and failed, I wondered if I was going to end this incarnation on a perfectly beautiful, sunny day, in clear sight of land, but unable to get there. I have since learned that in a strong tide like that, the thing to do is to swim parallel to the shore until we are out of the tide, for they are usually only ten to thirty feet across. I did make it to shore safely, eventually, by treading water until I was able to body surf in on an especially coherent wave, and found that, because Jim realized I had willingly given up my life for his, at least potentially, he had found the barriers of his heart come crashing down. He did not know they were there until they fell. Neither did I.

We cannot choose how the process of developing trust in a marriage will come about. All we know is that it will entail suffering and challenge. There is so much about ourselves we do not know, not to mention the mystery of any other human being that comes within our ken. All we can do is be alert to the possibilities of the moment, and follow our hearts and our hunches. Marriage is never easy. It is an ordeal:

This instrument has been reading the work of your author, Joseph Campbell, and we find within the instrument’s mind the concept which is consistent with his theory that myth explains the truer nature of humankind. The phrase is, “Marriage is an ordeal.” It is through the great sacrifice of both entities that a marriage becomes a spiritual reality. The gestation of this primal and cornerstone unity is that consideration which you may call deep love or deep friendship or deep commitment. The unmarried who have these feelings do not have as many raised expectations of change as do those who choose the married state. There is indeed much sacrifice in creating the first social memory complex. To be together is the nature of the density which you enjoy. The lessons are only partially those of aloneness and solitude. Much necessary catalyst awaits the seeker within the illusions of relationship. Thus, we would say to ever lower the expectations of another self, to remember the desire for the truth, and to remember also the desire to be a positively oriented being. Now, this is to say that without minimizing the effects of negative catalyst, the self-forgiven and self-loving self will stand upon its own two feet and consider not judgment of any other, but the most helpful way to respond. If there is no blockage within the feelings and thoughts, expectations and hopes within the entity, the energy shall flow through to the heart chakra, and the negative catalyst will fade, slowly or quickly.[643]

More than any other one thing, spouses need each other’s respect and good opinion. If a concern is substantial, communicate until it is worked through. If it is not, work to forgive and move on. Maintain first of all that basic tenor of respect.

As we gaze upon your mated relationship in your culture we find that there is a great need for understanding of the true nature of relationships that is lacking among your people. To become mated is to become one—one flesh, one life and one spirit. If one is not able to commit one’s respect and admiration, either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, then the relationship is hampered from the beginning by the lack of the other’s good opinion.[644]

We need to see ourselves as complete within ourselves, for no marriage can give us completion.

We do encounter our husbands or wives along our path, but they are not the piece of the puzzle which will make us totally complete. That piece is within us, and can never be found outside of us, no matter how hard we may look. If we could but realize this, then we would be happy in the knowledge that no one else can make us complete and whole, only ourselves, and we could enjoy another person’s company without the added pressure of living up to all of our expectations. And this is the tremendous lesson I have observed. This point of view takes the pressure off of our mate, because he or she can never live up to our expectations. And it furthermore takes the pressure off of us in living up to their dream woman or man.[645]

If we are not able to get across how we feel by expressing our emotions, we can always fall back on clear communication. Even if muted, emotion will be expressed by those willing to talk and share.

It’s almost like a very wonderful slow dance, both individuals joining together to dance to the same rhythm, both blending each one’s own style to match the other’s. To be free to self-express without hindering the other; to become united in dance of communication: this feels good.[646]

Tolerance is a word that can be very cold and rejecting, as when we tolerate something that we do not like and do not approve of, but are aware that we must accept. Nonetheless, it is a word and a quality I would invoke in marriage, with its partner, mercy. For more than in relationships, in marriage we are attempting to give to the other our full selves, not the best of our selves, not our Sunday selves. Karen Eck gives a good example of how to be a tolerant and merciful partner:

This relationship has its base on another level. When it has gotten rough, and it has gotten very rough, I remind my husband he can deal with it, whatever the issue, with me or deal with it down the road, and I have, after long inner work, come to be OK with the fact that if he chooses not to now, in this life, work through these issues with me, we will take it up next round.[647]

It is easy to talk about the beauty of marriage. There are inspiring and uplifting aspects to the vows to live a sacramental and holy life with our partners. Christians are married with the words naming the husband as the Christ, and the wife as the Church, and it is delightful to see these archetypal roles of provider and lover from the male, and home and sustenance from the female. And all these ideals are true and wonderful, however skewed our society has made them seem. But marriage is also hard, hard work. It is not so hard at first, perhaps, for we may be good at keeping that Sunday side of self forward. We also may be so oriented to goals, like gaining a home and starting a family, that we are too busy to do more than our work and our duties. But houses are just structures, and children never made things simpler, and as we get to know each other’s smallest preferences and thoughts, we can become very picky with each other, sensitized to each others’ perceived faults and ready to criticize. Meanwhile, our perfectly good mates are seeing us with those same clearer eyes. It becomes easier to have an adversary relationship than a loving partnership. And it always remains all too easy to separate, and all too challenging to come into harmony. Yet this persistence of hard work is what separates good marriages from bad, and more and more, those who are still married from those who have separated and divorced. I do not know how to write about marriage in a way that strips it of these inherent and persistent difficulties. I can only say that for me, the most golden times of my life have been in the context of a mated relationship. For me, it remains a state which is like an immense present, a marvelous gift which I am forever in the process of opening.

Infidelity in marriage is even more damaging to trust than infidelity in unmarried relationships, for the life has been committed, there has been a promise made to live in fidelity, made in public and in front of a powerful authority, either the deity itself or the minister or judge that is performing the ceremony. Yet it does happen.

The student of metaphysics will, for the most part, attempt to ignore the promptings that are random and continually to re-place the attention upon the mated relationship. The male shall always fail to do this perfectly. The female may attempt to be forgiving, understanding and so forth, but again, failure is inevitable. My friends, in this way as in all others, you have each other to help each other, and it is most encouraged by us that each attempt to see that dynamic that sexuality offers with a merciful and ruthful gaze, to be quick to forgive and to be willing again and again to attempt to trust. When there is discord at this level, much energy is blocked, and it is usual for students of metaphysics that they will be blocked to some extent at this level. We have spoken to you before concerning the dangers of working in consciousness without first clearing those lower energies, and we remind each again: the first work is that work which is the lowest, the basest and the most fundamental. The first holiness is here, where feet meet earth, where spirit meets flesh. Here, at the level where entities are born; here, where entities express their deepest physical nature: here is the beginning of a good work.[648]

I know it is possible to forgive infidelity because my first husband took a lover at one dark point in his flight to escape the bonds of his humanity and our marriage. I knew that he was terribly unhappy and that I had no hope of comforting him. And so I accepted his infidelity, hoping it would bring him some peace and happiness, which it emphatically did not. It proved to be one more sorrow to his heart. I forgave and forgave again, although my heart was wrenched from me, or so it felt. Had the marriage been able to survive, I could have forgotten the incident, both because it was a short one, and because he began to treat me better. It was not what destroyed the marriage; my first husband’s genuine hatred of marriage itself brought the joining to a close. In a way, I would have preferred not to know about the whole incident, but I was too aware of him not to know what he was going through. For those who may have strayed once, only to regret it most deeply, it is an option to refrain from sharing this error with the mate. However, if it weighs too heavily upon the soul, it does need to be shared. Some people have a very hard time forgiving infidelity, no matter how isolated or shallow, as opposed to habitual or serious, so be very clear about the consequences of telling all before we do so!

There are levels of infidelity. Flirting is just as painful to me as outright sexual promiscuity. My present husband’s request, in the ’80s, for an open marriage was a great source of pain to me. He asked for that state early in our married life, never acted on the feeling, and became a total fan of monogamy as our sacramental sexual life blossomed. But what he was expressing at the time was a desire for freedom. I knew that no man ever stayed faithful because his wife asked him to, so I simply agreed to an open marriage, feeling great relief and delight when he himself grew enough as a human being that he began to perceive freedom as the chance to be free with me, and began to develop that married feeling which is so central to a longstanding and healthful relationship. It all comes down to our sexuality. A man or woman can see their mate as a sexual partner among many on this planet, or the sexual partner who epitomizes all of the sexual polarity of the planet in one handy, single being. I believe women are more oriented by the culture to perceive their husbands in this sacramental way, as The Lord, in the sense of The Lord and The Lady in magical workings of Wicca, nature magic and ceremonial magic, than men are, but I also have seen that both sexes are equally capable of achieving this level of sexual desire for their one perfect mate. This has almost nothing to do with how we look, thank heavens, and everything to do with how we treat each other. The most abstruse realms of sacramental sex are open to those couples who come through the fire and are able to see each other as their perfect partners. Further, there is life-giving energy in such shining play. I sincerely feel that carefully offered sacramental sex powered our group’s contact with those of Ra, and powers both Jim’s and my life even today.

Sometimes, the best attempt at marriage will fail. Melissa says:

He needed a separation. I came to understand that, regardless of my fears and needs, I had to give him that. Everything attendant to a separation has occurred, including allowing in the energies of other people romantically, etc. This has been intensely painful for me. We remain very close, in fact we speak a number of times a day. This whole experience has forced me to look much more closely at myself, my so-called faith in something, my “spirituality” and emotional-mental discipline, my strength of character. I feel so shaky some days, and it doesn’t surprise me that on the particular day your correspondence arrived, I was doubting once again whether or not I wanted to remain on this Earth.[649]

And 169 echoes:

Went through a horrendously painful divorce that left me feeling hollowed out and not understanding why my deeply felt trust and faith that led me to give up my security in Europe and follow this man here has left me so bereaved of love and support.[650]

We can hear the heartbreak and pain in these events, the separation of what had been intended to last a lifetime. Those of Q’uo assure us that even if it ends in divorce, such a committed relationship has been worthwhile.

We speak now of the concept of failure in relationships. The promise of marriage is often ended with the equivalent of a statement of withdrawal or divorce. What happens then to the covenant in metaphysical terms? It is still valuable. It is valuable inasmuch as and insofar as the seeker was sincere in claiming the metaphysical promise for itself. It is the nature of illusion to entrap, deceive and thwart one, and often it does occur that promises are broken, marriages end. Yet, metaphysically, the strength of the promise, the strength of the will to serve in abiding by the promise, do much to strengthen and balance and regularize one’s inner seeking. There is, of course, no way for one who goes to the place of the promise and makes it to know for sure that he will be able to keep it, for within the illusion that you experience, various forces may be brought to bear which may break apart your foundation, and, shaken from the roots that you have put down, you simply drift away, and in your confusion you wonder if there was any use to all that you experienced. We assure you that there is a great deal of use to all the attempts that have been made to keep the promises that you have made. Each day, each hour, if a failure seems to have occurred, it is well to remember that the failure is within the illusion, but the promise is eternal, not a promise to be kept eternally, returning to one mate over and over again throughout the endless cycle of time, but rather a light which is eternal made by two which have become one metaphysically, which have sought together to mastery.[651]

I find it very hopeful that we are all in relationship with each other, whether or not we seem to succeed fully in expressing the qualities and ideals we hope to offer each other. We are drawn to each other as a first step towards becoming one, and through many lifetimes, I would imagine we have many star-crossed loves and passions, that are all true in their own way. The end of each such experience is to become truly unified, as the social memory complex we are striving to become in the next density, where we are all in love with all others, and accept each other as we are, though giving each other the right to boundaries of uniqueness and personal worth. May each of us thrive in our relationships and bring all that we are and have to them, for they truly are a great part of the wealth of this experience of earthly life.

Chapter Ten: Societal Issues

Money

It does not take long after our incarnation’s beginning for us to form the opinion that money is a powerful thing. Our parents seem to work to acquire it and think carefully before spending it. As children, we find ourselves being judged by how much of it we are able to spend on our clothes and our appearance, especially as we enter into that long phase of youth which is heavily involved in being “in.” It may be possible to be popular without the right sort of clothing, the right possessions, the ability to go where it is “cool” to go and do “in” things, but it is not particularly probable. As a child I became very aware that our family did not have sufficient funds to furnish me with what I felt I needed in the way of the right clothes and gadgets. I developed a desire for having this marvelous substance that seemed to open so many doors. As I continued to mature, I became aware of the negative aspects of money. When I was thirteen, my kidneys failed, and as a result I was in the hospital for two straight months, and then at the doctor’s office every day for five more months being given shots. This resulted in a staggering bill. I felt very guilty about costing my parents money they did not have, and in my first attempt to create money, I made up a tray of what I thought were beautiful artificial flower corsages, each one handmade from wood fiber by my careful toil. No one who owned a store near my home was willing to sell them for me. In my helpless frustration I became far more aware of the power of money, and the devilish unfairness of not having enough of it. As I grew to adulthood, I explored ever deeper the stewardship of what funds I was able to acquire, and the very disturbing sense of evil that I often whiffed, standing at the sidelines of the news of the day and watching people with large amounts of money wield that power for their own good, and not necessarily others’ weal. One thing I did not question was the need to work for money. The work ethic was drilled into me, and I saw the need in my everyday life. My family’s acceptance of the need to work for money was complete. Further, I learned to take pride in my work, and to this day, whether it is for money or not, in any effort I make, I attempt to give it my best.

Young ones within your culture are taught to work, to give a good effort, to follow certain paths in order to further ambition. The soul is taught that worth is in what one does, and so each growing spirit faces the self, attempts to find that which will earn the money, attempts to prepare the self for doing this, and then spends the life following a certain career, profession.[652]

Blessed is the person whose natural path leads her through schooling or preparation of another kind to a job or career that pays her bills and fulfills the needs of her life! For most of us, at least at times, the supply of funds fails, the path from learning to working is not straight, and there is a real question as to how healthful a thing money really is. We can fall prey to money worries very easily, in spite of living in an affluent culture. Those of Q’uo say:

The question of supply is perhaps the deepest chasm of irrational concern which seduces your peoples. In the face of this, we simply suggest that as the healthy regard for money is in being sure of the daily bread and then allowing concerns to fall away as appropriate, [that] each simply move, each day or each time he feels this concern, into a conscious reorientation.[653]

This is sound and biblical advice, following, as it does, the wording of The Lord’s Prayer, in which we are told to pray only for that which we need this day, for our “daily bread.” We definitely need a certain amount of supply in order to buy the food to nourish our bodies, and to shelter them. All other concerns can and will be handled as best we can. It narrows our area of concern to a size we can handle. This does offer some immediate peace of mind, but the question remains, how to evaluate this money that we spend so much time earning and then spending. It is very tempting to try to store up as much of it as possible in an effort to be secure, but in truth, we are never truly secure. If our money is in a bank, the bank can fail. If it is in a stock market, the market can fail. If it is under our mattress, the currency itself can fail. Events can occur, such as a protracted illness, which absorb our last dime. If we are devoted overly much to amassing this source of monetary supply, we are as understandable, and as silly, as the cartoon character, Uncle Scrooge, rolling in our pile of coins, but not necessarily being good stewards of the energy and power we have accumulated. Security is a wonderful thing and I do work to conserve funds so that my life might be securer financially. But there is a sharp difference between appreciating what money can do, and loving money! Appreciation and conservation of supply is prudent. Love of money is, as the First Epistle of Timothy says, the root of all evil.[654] Joseph Koehm says:

The security you felt is an illusion. Tomorrow your dollars may be worthless. Your land could fall out of your hands for a million different reasons. You could wake up dead tomorrow. There are no guarantees you will make it to retirement much less retire and much less live happily ever after. The odds are you can live happily ever after but only if you let go of the bars of your cage, the past, and set your sights on where you are going: the future. The future is eternity.[655]

A spiritual approach to money, then, could even include claiming that money itself is evil, or at least the love of amassing money. Certainly the teacher known as Jesus felt that the universe would provide what was truly needed, and sent his disciples out on the road with no money whatever, and ever since the advent of monastic communities, poverty, along with chastity and obedience, has been one of the three vows taken by those who follow the monastic path by joining such communities. However, to my mind it is far more near the truth of the situation to see money as a kind of energy that comes to us in varying amounts, but that which, whatever the amount, we can look upon as an energy as potentially spiritual as sexual or any other kind of energy. It simply depends on what we do with the money, in our minds, and in our actions.

To better gain access to a right relationship with money, it is well to place concerns about finances within that holy of holies which lies within your deep mind. The consciousness of one[ness] is a consciousness of infinite plenty. The creation is full of all that there is. Every need has that which can meet the need. This consciousness of infinite supply sheds a welcome light upon the soul besieged by financial worries. But what if you were to alter the term “money” and subsume it in the term “energy”? When the term “energy” is used, this may aid somewhat, for that which is energy does not need to be hoarded, but rather expresses its nature in its potentiation. Thusly, the general rule of thumb is that entities may do that which they must to gain enough energy to survive and be comfortable. This energy may be transmuted by those who see the spectrum of energies so that many things become money. And we feel sure that each can think of many instances where seemingly impossible things have occurred because of the trading of goods and services rather than the insistence upon some single form of energy.[656]

The idea here is to release our thoughts about money from the strictures of source and kind, to allow the energy of supply to flow into our lives without unduly worrying about it beyond being sure our expenditures do not overcome our purse. Similarly, when we are asked to be generous to those who need some of this “green energy,” it is well to think of that mental image of energy in motion, and be generous stewards of whatever wealth we have. I have one pair of friends who have raised a family, often on practically no money at all, but they have always had just enough for what was needed. Their virtues include building their own home, planting, harvesting and preserving their own food, putting their children through home school till the end of seventh grade, and putting aside a certain dollar amount each and every monetary payday for charitable giving. It has always been my opinion that one reason they have always had plenty is that they have kept the energy moving fearlessly. Certainly they have taught their children good values of hard work rewarded by satisfaction and in their case, a wonderful place to live, but they have taught much more, by the way they never have hung on to their money, but rather have seen themselves as links in a spiritual chain of giving.

There is the example of the man who was extremely virtuous in observation of each and every commandment, yet when this seeker asked the teacher known as Jesus what more he could [do] to follow him, the one known as Jesus suggested that this wealthy man sell all that he had and thus be free. This parable has made entities which have a comfortable living nervous ever since these words were heard and written down. The parable is not so much about money or other kinds of wealth as it is about one’s relationship to that which comes and goes. The body, for instance, is born and dies, yet it is not prideful to care for it, that it may be comfortable and serve well. So with one’s estate in life: it is not a crime to conserve one’s wealth and to so use it that one is comfortable. Yet, if one wishes to hold onto the body by avoiding getting old or avoiding death, then there is the question of what takes precedence, the body or the soul? With the wealth of money or power this same question holds true. Is there the relationship of conserver or steward with wealth, so that it be used prudently or with charity, or is there the grabbing onto or owning the wealth or influence? If there is the latter, then there are some possessions to be sold so that you may follow the mind which this instrument often calls Christ consciousness.[657]

It is hard sometimes to resist the temptation to be grabby with money and supply. “Money changes everything,” the song goes, and we all know what that means. The money to go first class will not make us happy, but it can offer us creature comforts which are very pleasant. As in so many spiritual concerns, it is finding that balance between prudence and stewardship on the one hand, and relaxing into the rhythm of supply and met needs on the other hand, in thinking of money that is the goal. And further, we can become artists with it, and use the issue as one more way to extend our process of seeking. Like virtually any concern, the issue of money offers an avenue whereby the spiritual seeker can learn about himself.

The illusion of separation exists so that each portion of the one Creator, the personality that each of you is, may have the opportunity to explore, within the one Creator’s boundless fields, the opportunities for discovering love and service to each other, though these may not seem to be the primary purposes for which [each] was incarnated. The illusion offers many other alternate answers for why each is here: to gather wealth, to be powerful, to do this or that great thing. All of these are but means by which each entity may find the heart of love and unity within itself.[658]

Wanderers have a tendency not to be particularly handy with money, although this, like all generalizations, cannot be held as true in all cases by any means. Here is an example of those who have written in, talking about this issue:

I have never felt a need to accumulate wealth or goods to meet an inner drive, but have always felt intuitively that pursuing things of this world was not worthwhile. Of course, the Sermon on the Mount likely buttressed this concept, especially Matthew 6:24. One cannot work both sides of the street. Twenty-five years ago a psychic in Southend, England, told me that I would never be in need of money, the supply was assured. My life since the is confirmation of that prediction. She said I would have other troubles. True also.[659]

The quote she cites from the Gospel according to Matthew is to the effect that we cannot serve both God and Mammon, Mammon being a personified Greek demi-god of money and wealth, named from the Greek word for wealth, Mammonas. One thing that rings true about money to me is that it is part of the lesson plan of our lives. We were not all destined to have the same amount of this world’s comforts. We all did come, however, with an equal amount of love to give and to discover.

Within your illusion, depending upon how you have chosen to learn the lessons of love, you will find what you consider to be shortages of power, money, influence or love. In fact, all of these shortages are some distortion of love and may be viewed as opportunities to discover the true nature of love. If you do not have enough money, you may find that your discomfort distracts you from seeking. But if you exercise another point of view, you may find that your lack of abundance has produced a simplicity that frees you to love.[660]

Whatever our destiny for supply, there is virtue in accepting the amount we have and finding a way to live on it and to express generosity with it, with peaceful hearts.

Each has designed for himself a special incarnation offering powerful experiences of lack and plenty, pain and peace. If you have little money, think not that you do not deserve more. If you have much money, think not that you deserve less. But whatever your environment, fill it with your love of the Creator and allow that love to reach to the infinity of the Creator’s laughing face, that his light may shine infinitely through you that you may become plenty to others. Money is relevant in your illusion. Enjoy it if you have it, seek it if you must, disregard it if you can, but manifest plenty and the consciousness of love.[661]

Money is the symbol of love which has been developed by humans to facilitate the movement of goods and services. Its green energy is an illusion within an illusion. The illusion closer to reality is love.

Now, let us look at the values of your culture. The emphasis is always upon that which carries what this instrument calls the green energy of money. Some have more; some have less. Needless to say, this is an illusion, for all things belong to the one infinite Creator, and as you give and as you receive, you are simply moving the energy around.[662]

So much of the power that seems to move our culture is artificial! Let us, in our use of money, remain in real relationship with the energy that is the essence of supply, the infinite love of the one Creator. If we can see supply’s infinite source with faith, and if we are generous with whatever we have and keep the energy moving, we will always be able to find our way. As in any generalization, this statement leaves out those who may have fallen through the cracks of the society, who have not eaten today and who do not have a shelter to cradle their sleep this night. If so, I pray that help may be found, and that right quickly. I sincerely hope that one day soon food and shelter will be the right of all who take breath on planet Earth.

Work

When I think about the subject of work, my mind immediately moves to two immensely different quotations. One is spoken in the mournful voice of the Preacher of the book of Ecclesiastes in The Holy Bible:

What advantage does man have in all his work which he does under the sun? A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.[663]

The other, contrapuntal voice is that of Kahlil Gibran’s in the persona of The Prophet:

Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.[664]

A good many wanderers find the first of the quotes very much their theme, as these two do:

I struggle with having a “real job.” They feel like prison. I just want to serve. I don’t want to worry about money. I would work my whole life long helping others, but I get stuck in the complexities of dealing with third density.[665]

***

I couldn’t buy into forty hours a week, working to be miserable and have the American Dream stuff. Just because I didn’t think in culturally/societally accepted terms and buy into the getting married, having kids, and working.[666]

The time it takes to develop a good, sound idea of what work it is that we truly want to do is often far too long to suit people who want us to be all ready to come to grips with working by the time we are out of school. Often, spiritual seekers in general feel quite hapless about their real career, over-aged and under-committed, but not wanting to hurry the process:

My biggest dilemma is that I’m what is called a late developer. I’m at an age where most people are married or at least settled in a career or profession. It’s viewed as a dilemma because I’m not following the expected social constraints which, I realized long ago, that I didn’t fit into.[667]

And sometimes, we seem to be in a period where work is just never going to come together for us:

I have been laid off twice from companies that have downsized, right sized, whatever; is someone trying to tell me something? So I decided this time to do things differently. Instead of going out and doing what I have always done, I would try teaching, coaching others. I am a wonderful motivator of others. People get excited when I talk to them about their potential and how they can change their lives. Finding the context in which to do this is the problem. I also have a problem with making money doing this. I think learning about spirituality should be freely given, yet we all need to eat. The point is, unemployment checks are getting ready to end and I have not moved forward into any arena that will meet my financial needs, much less my spiritual ones.[668]

Certainly there are many reasons we can feel discouraged about working for a living. Perhaps our current training qualifies us for nothing but low paying jobs, and we feel unappreciated and underpaid. Perhaps we feel we are trapped in the wrong job for us by its good pay or benefits. Perhaps we would rather be studying or farming or on permanent retreat. But we will most likely need to be employed for most of our lives in order to support our food and shelter habits. We need to have a way to look at work that helps us to cope with our necessity for continuing to be a part of the work force. For me, that way is Gibran’s way, seeing work as love made visible. 252, a metaphysically oriented health care specialist, says:

One thing you said about our central mission being to channel or pass the divine energy through us: I feel that I am able to do that. In fact, I feel that that is my purpose. It is challenging to always do this in the setting of a hospital because it gets very stressful at times, just due to the nature of the environment. Do you have any comments on how to do this even in the most pressing and stressful environments, when you have to hurry around even when you don’t want to? Am I in the wrong environment?[669]

252 is very much in her right environment, and making the most of sharing her natural gifts, as I assured her. The best of jobs can often feel challenging, and it is easy to question if we are in the right place in our own processes. Spiritually speaking, I think there is virtue in seeing the present job, career or good work as being just right for us at this present moment, and then, if we are doubtful, looking into just what lessons of love, forgiveness and patience are being offered us along with the chance to produce whatever we are employed to do. For beyond the type of work involved, all work is an expression of our selves, an essential prayer:

It has been said, “To work is to pray,” and for those lucky enough, shall we say, to have found occupations which enable them to supply themselves with the necessities of survival which also feed the spirit, this is in the deepest sense true. You may find these people working with their hands to make beauty, working with their minds as channels of various forms of love, working among people in such a way that their very being is of service in a substantial manner. But for so many, my friends, the connection between the daily life and love, between action and meditation, is not apparent. And in order for you to become able to link in any way the work of empty form which you find yourselves performing and the work which is love, it is recommended that you begin with the meditation rather than with the work.[670]

Moving in mind from thinking about our work as an empty form to seeing it as love is a powerfully enabling and energizing action which frees us to see whatever work we do with real pride. I think this is central in thinking about working for a living. I have had some very “entry level” positions in my life, as bar maid and motel clerk. I have also worked as a tax preparer, accountant, librarian and researcher, as well as the writing I do in correspondence and composition for book projects. As the copy machine operator for the university, my very first “professional” job, I earned all of $1.00 per hour. No one in the United States can claim more humble beginnings, or lower pay, and believe it or not, I did live on what I made at that dollar-an-hour rate. Needless to say, I had to depend more on the good fortune of the universe than at a later date when I could afford medical care and insurance, not to mention furniture, gadgets like television and telephones, and more than one room to live in. But when I was there I loved my one room, and it was a good home. I was happy living on what I made. I felt quite service-oriented. A clerk or machine operator can work with an attitude of striving for excellence, as opposed to merely getting the job done, no matter how simple the work. I greatly enjoyed doing the job as well as I could, stapling my bundles of copy with great precision. Perhaps my most service-oriented job of all time, self-perceived, would be the barmaid job. Like my present job of corresponding with wanderers of all shapes and sizes, that job put me in touch with a large number of lonely people who felt grateful when I found the time to sit with them and converse. I never felt more appreciated in my life than at the ale-soaked bar where I worked that one college summer, carrying beer, listening and sharing. No matter what job we have, we can see it as the outer work, which is the form of that job, hiding or partially revealing the essential form of the job, which is learning about the self and doing work upon the self in terms of developing polarity in service to others:

If it is seen that one’s own life is a gift which is going to be created by the self by life’s end within this density, then it may be seen that whether one had an expected or an unexpected outcome for training, that the actual work lay not in results, but in attitudes and biases which have been gained during the training, and that this process would go on regardless of the outer circumstances changing by apparent success or apparent failure.[671]

To be proud of our work, then, we can well focus not just on what we are doing, but how, with what love and care, we are doing it. I can remember working as a research librarian in Vancouver, at Simon Fraser University, in 1968. It was a professional position, but deadly dull, consisting of looking up Library of Congress catalog card references in the very heavy, oversized LC books furnished by the University. It was necessary to stand and look down at the big books, and continually to heave one up and another down for examination. I trust technology has moved this work to the computer, where it has to be greatly easier to do. The other librarians in the department had a real morale problem, but my ethical nature stood me in good stead. I just challenged myself to look up each requested reference with a happy heart and a zeal for absolute accuracy, that being the essence of the job, to get it right. Within four months, I was being singled out for promotion to a much higher position. The positive attitude and the accuracy of my output had been noticed. We can invest our work with dignity and meaning, even if we are processing data for which we do not see much use. To do anything well, courteously and exactly is always a delight to me. If the work is easy enough, it also becomes a chance to meditate! Now that takes me back to the Xerox job. While sorting thirty copies of a fifty page document, I could move into a beautiful, blissful meditative state that lit up my workday. The point here is that work is not just about status or money. Work becomes “The Great Work” when we realize we are working on our life.

The difficulty in recognizing one’s true work seems to stem from that distorted value which your peoples place upon that tool of power which your peoples call the money. It is assumed that that which is done in exchange for money is that which is the work, and it is assumed that, therefore, even when one is not receiving money for something, one may still be in a training period for some time, but after a certain time it is assumed that the work itself shall begin. Such is the distortion which money has created among your peoples. It is our opinion, and we stress that it is opinion only and is not an irreducible truth, that the only work which may be called “The Work” of any entity is that work done in consciousness during an incarnational period which has a net result, as judged by the self after the incarnation, of polarizing the entity more and more strongly towards service to the Creator and to others. Thus, life is the work, and work is the life.[672]

This wanderer shares her vision of work as an opportunity for growth:

We raised five amazing children together including twins. We’ve also been through hell together. We lost a home to scoundrels once and another to fire. We were flooded out of one and lost one to poverty. We’ve owned several businesses, been rich and been poor and started completely over from scratch financially twice. We have both had several career changes, which have given us a wide variety of experiences. I have loved every minute of my life and am so grateful for the opportunities for growth.[673]

The voice of experience and the voice of youth here agree most harmoniously. I would offer the thought that all lines of work are equal, if they are done with equal love, and that if one person is doing a humble chore with love and compassion, and a second person is doing a lofty task with scorn and cynicism as well as outer competence, the first person is doing more important and better work in the metaphysical sense, whatever the human opinion might be. Russell Louie agrees:

The path of service is not an easy one. During the Piscean age the student/teacher roles were very well defined. To be of service usually meant to be in a religious, teaching or leadership role. Today, in the Aquarian age, to be of service can mean pumping gas and spreading love while just being yourself. One doesn’t have to have a degree, following or be able to channel to be of service. The definition of service for the Aquarian age is to act from the heart at all times. This means being true to oneself in all our actions and never forgetting our connection to the one infinite Creator. It doesn’t matter if one is teaching a new age class at a local free school or being a production manager on an assembly line.[674]

The concept of working as service to others excites many wanderers:

I thought about why I like my current job, and it all boils down to helping people.[675]

***

I have tried this and tried that, having no great difficulty in switching careers every four years and picking up almost anything from composing music and supporting myself as street singer, to working in hospitals, restaurants, as department store detective, sales manager, computer programmer, international consultant, teaching Tai Qi and meditation, and even running my own private company. So what, I have always thought, I have no investment in any activities as such. Whatever currently offers me best possibilities for provoking people into feeling better with their lives, I’ll have a go at it as long as it lasts.[676]

Needing advice on how to better our position? Here are two wanderers who recommend following our temperaments, our interests and our gifts:

It was my wife Elaine, who goes by Elf, who suggested that I try the aide work in the nursing home. Having multiple health problems stemming from child-onset diabetes, she had found that my calm and my energy helped her feel better. She thought I would be effective with the elderly, and would find the work rewarding. She was precisely correct. She has always recognized my path of growth and happiness.[677]

***

In my teens I experimented first with Yoga, age eleven to fifteen, then Ouija, age thirteen to sixteen, and finally Tarot, age twenty-two to twenty-nine and again now. I learnt massage from my mother at age twelve, a skill I have developed into combined massage and counseling, intuitive massage (chakras and energy-paths) and occasional contact/touch healing. I am at present studying and integrating crystal healing and reading into my skills.[678]

Karen Eck suggests visualizing what we need, whether it is a home or a job that we are seeking:

I wrote down what I wanted to manifest for housing after I landed a job and got pretty close. Which reminds me, that’s what I need to do here: write down the best scenario I can think of for being in this place where I now find myself.[679]

Mary testifies that work in consciousness has the power to vastly improve one’s working conditions:

Back in ’88, when I went to work for a big corporation, I was introduced to foremen, coordinators and group leaders on the production floor. One group leader would only speak curtly to me. I instantly knew that I was up against a tough old gal. Since I had a great deal of interaction with her, I decided I would fool her, and instead of returning the curtness, I smiled and spoke softly. It took a few months, but in the end, she was asking if I needed anything. It’s amazing what a smile can accomplish, and I was amazed.[680]

This is such an important point! Sometimes we are in a job to learn something. It may be a quality, such as forgiveness or patience. It may be that we are to learn the job, to understand how that particular job works, as a step towards another job down the road. I remember one particular boss I had, at the Speed School Engineering Library at the University of Louisville. For one very hard year, I was assistant to the head librarian there. She had never had an assistant in the twenty-four years since she had founded that library in 1941. I came in 1965. She had some well developed habits which handicapped her. In an all-male school, she was afraid of and avoided men. She and the Dean were at loggerheads over the then new computers. He wanted them in the library, and so did I. She did not. The Dean even offered me her job, and her pay, if I could make her quit. How tempting that was, because it was very easy to upset this woman. However, I reasoned that this would not be professional behavior, or ethically correct, and so I passed up the chance, and contented myself with learning everything she knew. This she was very glad to pass along, as she had a reason for everything she did, and loved to explain it. After a year of apprenticeship to this old hand, I was able to land a challenging solo job at a private school as their school librarian and do the job really well. It is my favorite job, ever, that six year period of getting their book collections in shape and relating to all the students each week, either in daily study hall or in special weekly classes, and the faculty as well. All the technical expertise I needed I had learned from the curmudgeon who could have been my enemy.

If we are in challenging relationships on the job, it is well to work with them creatively and persistently before giving up on the job itself. Of course, sometimes it is time to move on. We may feel this on an inner level, or it may come out and hit us across the forehead, as when my violin playing friend, David, found his wrist too sore to play or to practice. What was a concertmaster to do!? I suggested that he see if there were other directions of work that would come to him in the next little while. Sure enough, he was soon offered a job at a leading conservatory, teaching gifted students, a position in which he still finds great satisfaction. CristeL Rose has a similar story:

I worked in the medical field for a while until a heart arrhythmia stopped me, so I started searching and reading everything metaphysical I could. I also had to find some kind of work that I could do with this heart arrhythmia. I have always had a great love of crystals. So I opened up a small metaphysical rock and crystal shop in my home. It has been tough because the town I live in is very closed but slowly they are beginning to open. Every day I say to the supreme being, “Send those that need the crystals and minerals, or just send those that need a friend to talk to.” And some days I may only have one or two people, but I hope the crystals enrich them and that I may be their friend. I spend most of my other time studying and in prayer, searching for the right truth. So you see, I am a fellow wanderer and I hope to find others I can communicate with.[681]

What a good and balanced attitude: do a really excellent job, and keep working on the self, in study, prayer and self-confidence. If we are bored, harassed or otherwise dissatisfied with our work, I certainly encourage the search for new work we can better love. But whatever we are doing, let us do it with pride, love and generosity, and we shall always find satisfaction in it, from our own processes, and from the people around us.

Home

What an emotionally laden word “home” is! When we say the word, our thoughts often go to that mostly mythical place where we were nourished and nurtured in our childhoods, the place where Santa Claus came at Christmas, the place the tooth fairy came when we lost a baby tooth. Whatever our upbringing, the idea of home is for most of us the idea of a place where we are safe and secure. In an earthly sense, we may well have our struggles creating our own home as adults, as 285 reports:

I never lived any longer than two years in any one dwelling. One day I thought back and counted how many times I had moved during that fourteen year period and I realized it was over twenty! I yearned to create and live in a place that felt like “home” but this didn’t seem like something I knew how to do.[682]

282 concurs:

At the height of the Depression, 1938, I left home, worked on a farm for a few weeks, and then, with two older drifters, “hit the freights,” boarding a trans-Canada freight out of Mission City. Looking back on my travels by side-door Pullman over the next few months, with all the hardships, near-starvation, brushes with death by being locked into boxcars by the police, and being thrown off trains, I get a pleasant feeling about this rough experience. I enjoyed the moving, the keeping company with a mobile sub-culture, satisfied my wanderlust, which from this perspective is an aspect of my true character, as one whose home was elsewhere. This deep restlessness and urge to get up, abandon whatever I was doing, has plagued me all my life, making it very difficult for me to sustain effort or really enjoy life.[683]

I feel that the issue of home is one that easily brings up our deepest fears and lowest feelings. We can genuinely feel suicidal as we find we have no place to deposit our little parcels of possessions, or in some cases, our huge and vast number of them. And it is such an angelic relief when we do find those empty rooms to make our own. Those of Q’uo point out that:

It is written in your holy works that the teacher known to you as Jesus stated that birds of the air had their nest, but that the Son of Man had nowhere to put his head. This was the simple truth. This entity did not operate from a home base of any kind, but rather was peripatetic and walked to different places to learn and to teach and to inspire and to fulfill that purpose for which he accepted incarnation in third density.[684]

A home is not essential for living on Earth. As wanderers, we sense that very deeply, and some of us become pilgrims, trying in various ways to express our feeling that we are here as spiritual beings on a quest rather than as those who put down roots, amass possessions, and save for our old age. This is a valid path for some few hardy souls, but it requires an immense amount of faith to cast oneself upon the waters, trusting that the next meal, the next sleep, will have a place to exist. Rather, most of us are in the position of needing to house ourselves and live our lives in one place. Further, there is a deep need in us to find an anchorage that has the combination of physical and spiritual security and safety for which we yearn:

Each of you is as a starry messenger that has become tangled in flesh. There is that portion of yourself that is eternal and infinite. That eternal and infinite being is steeped in unknowing, truly a mystery of mysteries. Each entity is as deep a mystery as the mystery of the Creator, for each, truly, is one face of the Creator. And in each manifested illusion, each entity is the face of the Creator and each face shall be unique. But to all these sparks of love sent forth upon the winds of free will there is given the knowledge of home and the desire to be moving in the direction that home lies.[685]

So the search for home is a spiritual search, although people never run ads for homes stating their spiritual qualities:

We look for intensity, passion and dedication in our lives and, due to the fact that it is very, very much a secular culture in which you live, this feeling of coming home to one’s true family is often missing. And people wander the Earth like Noah’s beasts, two by two, with the lonely ones slipping through the cracks in reality.[686]

Jim McCarty would not style himself as one who was falling through the cracks, but certainly when he set out to build his own log cabin on very rural knob land in Kentucky, he was all alone. He had bought his land, selected the trees he wanted for his cabin and cut those logs before he arrived to begin building, but he had no well, no cut meadow and no help to cushion his entry into self-sufficient living. He writes:

I had gotten the cabin enough completed that I moved in on May 7, 1974, and immediately felt great terror and anxiety, sensing all the work that lay ahead. I kept a journal of my first months there and immediately began a chart of my feelings about each day, rating each day with a number. Minus ten meant that I was leaving the next day. Plus ten meant that I was in heaven. Zero meant I could take it or leave it. It took me 35 days to get into positive numbers. At first I went to town almost every day, and then as time went on, I went out less and less. My attitude about myself, the land and life in general took a change and I began to see myself in paradise, in the beauty of the woods, living a simple lifestyle, and completely in solitude.[687]

Jim and his evolving home had to come into relationship with each other. As his fears flew away and he accommodated himself to his tasks and situation, he became able to give himself a home. Since so many of us are by ourselves, it is important that we are able to see that we create our homes within ourselves. Jim’s account of his beginning estrangement in a new place is very evocative to me of the feelings I have had, moving from an apartment in one town to an apartment elsewhere. It is a challenge. Where is the best grocery for us? A good doctor? A place to worship, to go to the library, to get work done on the car? Will we meet new friends to fill the hole that moving from our old friends and old home has caused? It takes a while to slay the various dragons and to feel that we can cope in a new place. I think the least well defended I ever was in terms of making a home was in 1967, when I moved to Canada, and 1968, when I moved back to Louisville. My first husband had followed his lover to Vancouver in the fall of 1967, and I began making arrangements to move to Boston, where I had landed a job at the Boston Public Library as a children’s librarian. Then I received a series of calls from him. He expressed his need for me, although he was unwilling to give up his lover. I reviewed my marriage contract. It had no small print, and so I decided that, as masochistic as it might seem to others, it was a matter of my keeping my wedding promise to go to Canada and support him. I resigned my job in Boston and headed north on faith alone. Down to four dollars, I was greatly relieved to land a good university job. We found housing we could afford, though to some it might have seemed rough, and gradually purchased a bed and a place to sit, the things we take for granted when we already have them. While it was vastly uncomfortable to be living so near the edge for a while, we made it past the crises of getting settled in, although because of my husband’s erratic hopes and desires, we did continue to have an emotionally challenging and upsetting time during our stay on Burnaby Mountain. My husband kept setting off for job interviews in towns thousands of miles away, only to drive the distance, get parked in the parking lot of the company, and decide the vibrations were not right for him. This went on each time I managed to save up a few hundred dollars, so we never had any money at all except what we absolutely needed for food. As was often the case in my first marriage, I picked up extra money feeding men who did not cook. We always had enough one way or another.

Finally, he decided that he really hated marriage enough to ask for a divorce, which was a great relief to me. I was happy to grant his request, feeling that he was solving the heart of his difficulty in rejecting marriage itself. I had just landed a wonderful job, as director of the professional library for the teacher’s association of British Columbia, which paid enough that I could easily send him enough money to live on as well as support myself, and I offered to do that, but he was adamant that I return to Louisville for the divorce, where my family lived. He felt guilty about leaving me, and it soothed his emotions to feel that I would be near the support of family. I begged him to let me stay in Vancouver, where I had indeed made a good home, but he would not, could not, listen, so we drove to Louisville in the teeth of a late March blizzard in 1968. It was time to start over, again, and his mother had found a studio apartment for me. I again found a bed and a chair, the basics. Because I had the chance to take my old job back at the private school where I had previously been librarian, I was quickly placed in a much more secure emotional position. I ended up very much enjoying my time alone in that little apartment, which I left only to make a home with Don Elkins that November.

The point here is that an earthly home is just a house until we fill it with our presence. Our home only seems to be a place in the physical illusion. It only seems to consist of walls and furniture. It is actually the essence of ourselves, allowed to collect and to fill the atmosphere of a place. We invest a house and make it a home. Bricks and mortar remain building materials. Emotional security, that feeling of being home, is all about our trusting ourselves and letting ourselves fill a space. For some people, a small space is much more what they need than a big old place. When I was starting over, that studio apartment was all the space I felt able to fill. As I gained in strength after the beating of that marriage, I felt more and more capable of energizing more space and “enlarging my tents.” These days, Jim and I have a big old bungalow and a magic kingdom consisting of his rock gardens and planting beds, which fill our modest lot to bursting with beauty and color all year. There is plenty of essence these days, for us. We know how fortunate we are and do not take it for granted. If the future has straitened circumstances in store for us, we will enjoy them as well. What difference does it really make whether we use kerosene lamps or electric, flush toilets or outhouses, wood stoves or gas, compared to being able to live in peace, love our surroundings, and fill them, however humble they are, with our love and energy? The deeper truth about the concept of home is that our true home, our deeper home, is spiritual in nature. It may not be practical to the world’s eye to think in this way, but it is spiritually very practical:

There are other ways in which that powerful treasure of time may be better spent but none is quite as powerful as the decision to set aside the time and the place to say, “First I will be here. First I will provide for my heart to touch its true home, to breath the air of things holy and innocent of the dirt of living.”[688]

If we can remove ourselves from the concept of home as walls and furniture, we can begin to see into the concept from a metaphysical point of view, which to me is very helpful in reorienting our minds so that wherever we are is a place we can invest with hominess. Those of Q’uo suggest that as we come fully into the present moment, we are coming home:

Often the bounty of deepened desire and that feeling of centeredness that spiritual ambition hopes for is contained not by adding activities or doing things different in some way that is measurable physically but, rather, in moving fully into the present moment and becoming able to take the bounty of that moment as it passes. For each moment is itself, whole and perfect. When one is in the moment, one is not in time. When one becomes even a bit aware of the timeless aspect of the moment there is an almost automatic resonance and a feeling of coming home.[689]

Again, I do not mean to suggest that most of us can do without some shelter and a place to lay our heads. But knowing where the home-ness comes from, knowing that the anchorage is inside us and in the way we think about ourselves, helps us to create a real home out of any environment in which we find ourselves. We may see our home as being the infinite Creator:

When this feeling of being so loved and so precious has sunk in and taken root, in a subtle and ever-changing way the life begins to be transformed because the self finally accepts the Creator’s opinion of self and can begin to see by faith alone that whatever is upon the surface, the self is the Creator’s own from its very origins upwards. This is the native land. This is the home. This is the safety of each, not the power, security or any manifested part of how the world thinks about itself, but, rather, the safety and security lie in remembering whose child you truly are, whose service you truly wish to join, whose love you truly wish to channel through yourself and into the world.[690]

What this handbook has most centrally to offer is a way to shift the thinking from the outer appearances and forms of things to their inner and spiritual essences. In this sense, while our life and our home appear to be in time, our true home is eternity:

Oh, how you yearn for the light of home, for the rest of eternity, for the peace of infinity, for the simple joy of living in truth, when all about you in this incarnational experience is illusion upon illusion, all of it telling lie after lie after lie.[691]

In fact, what it comes down to is that the home of the self is the self. The outer home is a shell only, given vitality by the self allowing that space to fill up with the vibrations of the self so that the place vibrates with our essence.

You are home to yourself at all times.[692]

In a culture where there is a deification of things, it is very good, it seems to me, to affirm the home of the self to be that place within us which is full of our essence, and our place of power as within that essence. This essence, then, can invest a physical place, and the house or apartment or shack becomes the home. I have been hand-to-mouth poor, and I may be so again. But wherever I am, I truly believe that not only I but all those around me will perceive whatever place in which I fetch up as a true home. I believe that each wanderer has the ability to create that Eden for himself as well. Let us see our homes as collectors for love. Invest them with our dreams and visions, our musings and meditations and hopes. Whether we open our homes to group experiences of a spiritual nature, such as meditation or study groups, or remain solitary and private, this is very appropriate.

It is far more important, my friends, that you are together in the light, seeking the light, persistently, steadily, over and over again making of this sphere which you call your home a place where there does beam light even in darkness than that any word of inspiration or information be transmitted. Were never another word to be transmitted through this light center, it is well to know as individuals and as a group that the love collected and given to the Creator in such group meetings and each by yourselves is what will make or break your society, shall we say, as a group. The critical mass for achieving fourth density as a group is nearly reached. Therefore, each effort to add light to the planetary consciousness is by far the greatest service you can [render] at any time.[693]

Jim McCarty and I have long followed Don Elkins’ vision of opening our home as a spiritual community or lighthouse, and have found a lot of satisfaction, as well as challenge, in serving as those who seek to add light to the planetary consciousness, by means of the prayerful daily life we live together, and of the opening of our home to those who come to our regular meditation meetings. We will talk in more detail of this later in the handbook, but no discussion of home would be complete without mentioning this aspect. There is tremendous power released when a person or a couple breaks open the personal privacy of their home in order to be of service to others. In a world starving for real spirituality, there is a realness about offering whatever modest gift we might have, as a meditation or study host, that may feel to be missing in the more impersonal institutions of cultural religion and spirituality. It is not that we as individuals have so much to give others. We all have gifts to share, and yet the power of a lighthouse where public meetings are held is not built on our gifts, but on the seeking, thirst and faith of all who come to such a lighthouse, all who share in meditations, all who travel to such a place.

The spirit of a spiritual group is enormously powerful, metaphysically speaking, and each senses this. As this instrument has often said, no individual is the reason that a light group such as this offers a magical place, a metaphysical home that works and functions, but rather the faith of all who have come to such a place, the knowledge within those that come that this is a safe place: this is what makes the power of such a light center.[694]

May each of us be blessed to find the most satisfying home for ourselves, and may we find the love, acceptance and forgiveness of self that makes this possible.

Children

Many people these days would happily avoid having children in the present incarnation. 202 says:

As a child also, I decided that I didn’t want to marry and have children. Everyone always told me that I’d change my mind. I knew I wouldn’t and I haven’t. I am now 43, and unmarried, although I have had relationships, and am with a man now whom I consider a soul mate.[695]

For some who eschew children, the issue is time. They do not feel they have the time and attention to spare. For some, the issue is metaphysical. These feel that their purpose here has to do with all of humankind, rather than with creating a nuclear family. For some, there is the feeling that the self is still the child, and is not ready to be an authority figure. Even for some of us who really have wanted children throughout our lives, like myself, there has not come the opportunity to settle into a family nest and raise young ones. If we have the feeling that children are not for us, then I think it is fine to proceed with this in mind. Nowhere is it written that the only way we can be of service in life is by having and raising children. I think it is well to remember that there are no mistakes! It is also well to remember this when we become pregnant and wonder what in heaven’s name we have to offer to a child!

There are no mistakes. What you do in relationship with your children will affect them in a manner which will eventually result in their growth, their learning and their unity with the Creator, for there is nothing but service that is possible within this or any illusion. Worry not that you make mistakes, for it is the attention which you give your young child in the attempting to be of service to it that is of the most service to it.[696]

If we are with child, or considering having children, or if our children are already here and currently driving us crazy in the approved manner, keep remembering that raising children is the least appreciated but the most central single service to others generally available among our experiences. In no other case is there more utter need and helplessness on the part of those whom we serve, and never do we find ourselves more fully challenged to serve well.

There is no greater or more sacrificial service than the raising of young souls, attempting to offer to those souls that information which is grist not only for making one’s way in the mundane world, but for becoming aware of eternity, becoming aware that so-called human beings have a context into which they fit.[697]

Even if we do not have children of our own, we can often lend a helping hand to a child, and it is always a tremendous service:

We encourage all souls within the Earth plane to focus upon the young ones, for as always it is to those born in innocence and full of expectations that information needs to be most lovingly considered in giving. Whenever there is the opportunity to interact with the children about you, we encourage each in her own way to look into the children’s eyes, to make contact with spirit there. For in each of the cases, the entity is an old soul. The entity has much experience. The entity is full of potential. For each connection with a young one strengthens and bolsters that child’s gifts of faith and will. If kindness comes not so easily to you, then let your kindness be for children. Let the heart open for the young ones, for much teaching shall be given in that manner.[698]

It is easy to panic and think, “What have I got to teach a child?” None of us is as wise as we would like, or as compassionate. And yet, the need is there, the children in our lives look to us with trusting eyes and waiting ears for anything we would care to share with them. If we have a chance to interact, I hope we will go for it. Helping a child is always worthwhile, I think. And if we are in the position of being an expectant or new parent and we feel unequal to the task, here is Mr. Friend’s proposed advice to his e-mail companion, Dragonfly, who is now a single mother of college age:

All these friends who “were” have disowned her and are really, really sending her negative vibes, so I got mad, and then stopped. Not only is it their choice, but their ignorance and fears, they can’t think on their own without the veils and traps of society blocking them. So I plan to tell her that she had this baby for a reason, it chose her as his mother for some reason, that everyone else is wrong for disowning you, but that is their prerogative.[699]

If we do have one or more children, we have had to accept this responsibility of caring for and raising them. We are now in the business of teaching souls. Not just teaching them this and that, but filling in the extensive blanks in a never-ending and rapidly growing picture of the world that is evolving in our child’s mind. At this point on our path of evolution, our planet is supporting only souls who have the possibility of making graduation at this time. This means that every child we can possibly have is an old soul with great potential for spiritual enlightenment and evolution, as Linda Klecha says:

When my eight-year-old was born, she looked at me like she knew everything about me and I felt overcome with love, more than I had experienced as a new mother when my 26-year-old was born. There was an all-knowing look in my second child’s eyes that told me, and I felt it immediately, that she was an old, old soul. This occurred again when my son was born. That look of love and wisdom and depth, told me I was truly blessed to have these two ancient souls in my care!![700]

In addition to all new babies being old souls, there are also many ET-type wanderer babies being born, and pioneer babies of the nascent fourth density who have both third-density and fourth- density activated physical bodies as well:

Those children being born at this time upon your planet include both wanderers who have come to aid in this crossroads in this new beginning and those who have come from other third-density harvests to begin their fourth-density experience early on. Many of your children have both third- and fourth-density vehicles of the physical kind activated. As people feel that their children are more and more remarkable we remind each that there are many beautiful souls who seek life upon your planet at this crucial time, for all wish to aid in the birthing of the fourth density of your planet, and many have come to help.[701]

This is not to say we should allow ourselves to be intimidated by our children. Strong personalities have just as much need to learn their manners and good ideals as their gentler brothers and sisters. It is well to remember, also, that each child is already a unique and highly developed soul when it comes into incarnation. The delightful thought of a baby being a blank slate upon which we can inscribe our own ways is not accurate. Yes, we do have a good deal of opportunity to teach our children by how we act and what we say, but we have to deal with the absolute fact that each child is a person before we get to her.

No two children are alike. Each child moves into life with the personality biases strongly set. Each parent is aware that it can do nothing more than guide the arrow which has already been made.[702]

How do we guide that arrow? That’s the question parents ask. Those of Q’uo suggest that one big thing we can do is live well, for we teach by the life we lead in ways that speak louder than words.

We have found that it is well, in teaching another who seeks your assistance, to first set the pattern of your own behavior in a fashion which exemplifies the basic principles which you wish to share. In this instance we feel that you desire to share in large part the seeking of the one Creator and the serving of that one Creator in all that you see. This shall be the greatest teaching to the young entity: that which he observes in the daily round of activities shall teach him far more than words and patterned instructions, though words and instruction are indeed important.[703]

Where we place our values, a child will tend to place his values as well:

As the parent goes about your culture’s rather complex business of creating the means whereby to purchase those things which are necessary within your culture for survival and comfort, the entity may perhaps become overly concerned with those things of the material world, for it is always seemingly difficult to, as you say, make the ends meet. By being concerned with these things, the parent is teaching the child the nature of the need for money, the need for power, the need for self-aggrandizement within the illusion. These lessons are helpful within the framework of the mundane world. However, it is well that the parent also be concerned enough about itself and about its responsibility to that young self which has come into relationship with it to create and maintain a daily, loving, persistent and genuine search for that spiritual truth which cannot be found in the hustle and bustle of the busy world of the market place and your televisions. For children, as you call these souls with small experience, learn that which is offered to them, and will learn gladly from the television. We do not say there is anything inimical to a child’s growth in this pursuit. We only suggest that if the child does not see the parents engaged in earnest and sincere and persistent spiritual seeking, the child shall be vulnerable to any charismatic entity teaching whatever distortion of the laws of love and service in whatever highly distorted manner.[704]

In other words, truly be ourselves.

Most of all, we encourage each simply to be themselves. For this teaches more than anything else. Entities who are moving from their core outward, being as true to their feelings and sensings as possible shall always have a head start in communicating with those called children. For as they are simpler and less devious, so are their ways of seeing. And they shall appreciate an entity who is herself far more than an entity, no matter how exciting, that is a mask rather than the person herself.[705]

Another huge gift to a child is the present of our sheer presence and our attention. In this day of so many families having a two-job marriage in order to make enough money to support the household, this is an ever harder gift to give, and yet the results are so incredibly generous. The appreciation from a child who is companioned is never-ending. Because my own birth parents were in the middle of many things when my brother Tommy was born, he did not get their attention much at all. They were both working full time, plus having outside jobs at night and on the weekend as performers and musicians, plus my mother’s studies and my father’s golf game. In this atmosphere, I was left with both brothers almost all the time. One Saturday morning I awoke early and found two-year-old Tommy staring at the blank TV screen, waiting for it to come on, and I thought I had never seen anything lonelier. So I made a vow to myself that no matter what, Tommy could always come and wake me up on weekend mornings, no matter how early, and I would get him some breakfast and spend time with him. Tom understood me perfectly. We developed a complex and highly satisfying ritual for Saturday mornings that lasted until my first marriage seven years later, which included a good half-mile’s walk up to the library and the bakery, a fancy breakfast of cold cereal, all the cartoons except Mighty Mouse, which I girlcotted because of its incredible violence, and reams of conversation about everything under the sun. What did I have to share? Not much besides my presence, and my love, and a ton of opinions. But that was all that my brothers ever hoped for from me. They have always assured me that for a sister, I was a pretty good parent. The key to that was that I loved them and accepted them, although that did not stop me from bending their little minds when I felt it appropriate. I believe in training small children to see what appropriate behavior is, what manners are, where to use these behaviors and why. As far as their enthusiasms, hopes and dreams, I try to be supportive if possible. We can almost always find a point of support.

The appropriate teach/learning device of parent to child is the open-hearted beingness of the parent and the total acceptance of the beingness of the child. This will encompass whatever material the child entity has brought into the life experience in this plane.[706]

Although the very concept of discipline is a sore subject for many involved in parenting, I believe discipline, a healthy amount of rule making and rule enforcement, has its place in the appropriate ways we work to teach children. I see children acting out of control in public places and it is never a comfortable experience. And there is simply no need for it, if the parents have established and enforced rules about appropriate behavior. In my own life, I have held jobs, as school librarian and as teacher of kindergarten students, where I was expected to enforce discipline, and I never had a problem with that. I was always very clear with children about what I needed to feel comfortable. If they did not give that to me, I informed them that they were making me nervous. My students did not want to make their beloved teacher nervous! I never raised my voice. When faced with a misbehaving child’s tantrum, I would move the rest of the class to another room, leaving the screaming child kicking away in lonely fury, and begin an interesting activity. The child would come about soon.

The concept of appropriate behavior is a very simple, logical one. Its assumption is that at home it is relatively all right to misbehave, at least to fail to mind one’s table manners to an extent, or to complain or argue, but out in public it is necessary to behave oneself. This takes a little doing, in that when a child who hears this goes out in public, he will almost always try to test the boundaries of appropriate behavior. My brother, Tommy, certainly did. He had two rebellious moments. The first was at a restaurant, where he began throwing food. We got up, paid our bill, and went home, immediately. We left our meal, we did not eat more when we got home. And Tommy heard a calm and quiet repetition from me about appropriate behavior when in public. At a slightly older age, we went together to a movie to which Tommy had asked me to take him. He wanted popcorn, and I had no money for it. He began to protest quite vocally. We went home immediately, no movie, no attempt to get our money back, we simply went home.

I was, in my way, ruthless. Ming the Merciless! I never raised my voice, I never tried to push my point, but when the behavior from my brothers was not as I felt it needed to be, we went right home. While both of my brothers manipulated and even stole from my parents during their wayward youths, as far as I know, they both went through their boyhoods being very honest with their sister, knowing I was on their side, and also knowing where my boundaries were with them, what I could accept and what I could not. I think this made them feel safe with me in a way that my parents’ permissiveness never did. They knew I loved them and went way out of my way for them. This made a difference to them. I think children are very fair. They know when we are really trying. Being a disciplinarian is never easy, and doing it with gentleness is even harder, but I truly feel it is worth it to both parent and child to establish rules of appropriate behavior and stick to them. We need to be able to misbehave, and part of any private home life is having that safe place to do so. We do not need to misbehave in public as well. In no way is this essential to any child’s growth. Discipline is easier to establish and maintain in direct proportion to the time we are able to spend with our children. If we are giving them plenty of attention, we can also nip bad habits in the bud, as we go. Helping the child to grasp standards of public behavior and manners is good for the child and even better for the emerging adult who must make her way in society. People don’t usually get to know us at first, they get to know our manners, our courtesy, how we present ourselves. As we raise our children, we are helping them set those ways of presenting the self that are considered positive and pleasant by our society. It is an outer teaching, a shallow and surface teaching, this passing on of manners, etiquette and how things are done, but how grateful we are for the information when we need it! I will never forget my first evening at boarding school, knowing no one, and finding that all the others present were using European manners, fork in the left hand and so forth. How I blessed my mother for training me to be able to eat that way, to know which fork to use, how to serve and clear away for my elders in the right manner, all that material I had thought so dry when learning it at home. Those of Ra see discipline as a help in the child’s learning the biases of service to others:

The compassion of parent to child may well be tempered by the understanding that the child entity shall learn the biases of service to others or service to self from the parental other-self. This is the reason that some discipline is appropriate in the teach/learning.[707]

As a balance to this discipline we offer our children, we need to find ways to support our children’s choices when we can:

It is well to realize that even a small entity is an honored seeker of truth, one who has traveled as many trails as has any and who seeks within this incarnation to move with you in your seeking and to learn from you. Thus, to observe, support and appreciate the free will choices that such an entity makes is most important while balancing this appreciation of free will with your own guidance given in a fashion that respects the entity rather than confining without explanation.[708]

What kids do the very best is ask questions. We can find all sorts of ways to give our best advice to children:

There is the responsibility of being the friend and protector of those entities which may issue from the physical sexual reproductive activities of this relationship, in such a way that the self is offered to the so-called children in service in ways which the young entity may understand. These ways include the basic orientation of service to others, the familiarizing of the children with the concept of the Creator, and their relationship to the Creator, the family remembrance of this relationship and, in general, the best guidance each in the relationship may possibly offer to these young ones, in whatever they may encounter as they progress in the illusion.[709]

What constitutes good advice? We have deep opinions on what good advice is; we have great stores of it to share; and when we come into contact with kids, we can feel that store flowing forth. We all have our stories to tell, and children are the best and most rapt audience in the world. Certainly, we need to be talking with them about being of service to others, about sharing and being good to each other. We can find wonderful stories to read to our children that bring up all these points, and help us discuss subjects like sharing and giving. It is a tremendous help if our own life involves sharing and giving also, so that we can talk about these ideals as real and present within our lives as well as theirs. Children spot insincerity with great quickness. First find ways to be generous in our own lives, then talk about sharing to our children! We can encourage them to look on the bright side, to hold on to their dreams, to believe in ideals. For the most part, we relate to our children in one long question and answer session that is called childhood by the adult who finally outgrows the birth family, and we never get it all said. But we can certainly try. Kids love to talk, to play with words, to joke and wonder. Just hang out with them and let them guide the conversation, and we will find every opportunity to share all our best ideas with them.

Perhaps the single greatest gift we can give them as spiritual beings is a sense of the divine. Children learn how beautiful nature is as we take them on picnics and out into parks, creeks, lakes and ocean. They learn how stunning the storm and the dawning are, how infinitely dark the night, how vast the stars. But without a way to worship, they are kept from many opportunities for mystic sight and fuller expression of their own spiritual impulses. Consequently, the single greatest gift to give children may well be the gift of our own spiritual practice. Most people have not formed a daily spiritual practice, but it is my feeling that daily home worship of some sort, even if it is only prayers at mealtimes and at night when the child goes to bed, is a tremendously important element of a safe and secure home for a child. Better still, let that daily worship be something we ourselves find time to do, and our child will grow up feeling that it is a normal and loving part of a day. Those of Q’uo say:

In relation to the children we would suggest very strongly that if the parents do not engage in traditional church-going, it is well if there be an altar or holy place, small as it may be, within the dwelling or close to the dwelling that may be dry from the weather and accessible in all temperatures so that one may go there and meditate each day. When children see how seriously the parents desire to know the truth, when they see dailiness and discipline in seeking, they will, by osmosis and acting like the parents, imitate and grow to feel that place within themselves that hungers for heavenly food.[710]

***

We would urge each parent to have a daily worship and to feel very strongly and passionately about it, for this is the way your children learn what life is like within this illusion. You are their teacher, each parent, and you hopefully will desire to give passion and love and a sense of peace that you feel within your heart to those children that are yours to teach and rear and tend.[711]

Abortion

Abortion is an issue that is ever before our minds today, as religious believers pit themselves against those who believe in the right of women to control their bodies. Feelings on both sides run very deep. However, beyond the gruesome details of the pictures of aborted fetuses which rabid religionists wave and the destroyed bodies of doctors and other health care workers shot and bombed by these same religionists for helping with abortions, there is the issue itself. When, if ever, is abortion right? Is there, spiritually speaking, ever a “right” abortion? I think it is a fair question, and not one with a simple answer. Certainly an abortion is justified in the case of a rape, or impregnation by a family member. Sometimes, abortion is spontaneous. It has been said often in metaphysical literature that many spiritual seekers came into this life preprogrammed not to have children, and if they do get pregnant, they will lose the fetus. This happened with me when I was 19 and got jilted at the altar. I lost a tiny scrap of life that I had nurtured within my womb for two months. I grieved long over that child, and still think of it, almost forty years later. Those of Q’uo say:

Now, there are guards put against childbirth for some. This is due to their having come to this plane for other reasons. These entities will not have children, but will not have the decision of abortion either. If an entity which has come here only for a spiritual path conceives, the child is simply spontaneously aborted, as the body’s consciousness already knows that the mission of this particular entity does not include the luxury of loving a child, but rather the entity must face the fact that that work to which he gives his love and labor is his child.[712]

For most who become pregnant, however, there is no spontaneous abortion, and the woman must wrestle with the decision of whether to have the child. When there are no financial means to make a confinement readily possible, when the woman will have to take responsibility for the child on her own, she certainly has the right to ask herself if she feels capable of doing that. There is a lot to think about:

When a woman decides to have an abortion, what she is doing is taking away one opportunity for that particular entity to enter incarnation. It is sometimes a way in which painful relationships are balanced, for it is certainly abuse to be aborted, yet that same entity may well have needed this balancing so that that which you call karma would be balanced. Each entity within each fetus comes into the body at a different time. The more consciously entities live, the more that they will feel the call of the soul that awaits them and the more they will put personality into their thinking about the child to come.[713]

Those of Q’uo suggest that choosing abortion may be a thoughtless choice.

In essence and in depth the living of the life is a responsibility that must be seen to be completely one’s own. Only in this way can each entity experience itself as a living imperishable metaphysical being. You do realize, we are sure, that no souls are lost in the abortion. It is merely that there is a carelessness and lack of appreciation for the sanctity and beauty of life itself in one thoughtless enough to engender such a child and then remove it. Many are those who skate upon the pond of life, as we have said before, and never ever find the magical kingdom beneath that thin crust in water consciousness.[714]

Of all the questions that we get when we channel for new audiences, the question about abortions recurs only slightly less often than questions about ascension and mass landings. I am not of the opinion that there is just one answer for those who ask. People want to know if there is a baby soul there immediately when conception takes place, or just an opportunity for a soul to come in during birth. Apparently, sometimes there is, sometimes, there is no soul in residence until late in the pregnancy. Those of Hatonn say:

Whether the abortion removes only physical matter or an entity can be known only through meditation upon the part of the mother. The mother will know if a soul wishes to be born and wishes it as mother. If such an entity cannot feel the presence of a soul those morally against abortion are incorrect. If after careful meditation the presence of a spirit desiring the experience of an incarnation with this entity as mother is felt and then the entity removes that opportunity, this action is to some degree part of a reckoning. The relationship will then occur in the future and restitution made. Love will find its balance in time.[715]

If we feel we must abort now, we may make a solemn promise to the soul who is waiting for us, that later in this life, or in another life, we will again attempt to have this relationship, and next time, make it a planned for and celebrated joining of souls. My own feeling about abortion is to avoid it. I do not think I could abort a child of my body. I would find an agency that would help me through the pregnancy, and offer the baby for adoption, or attempt at all costs to raise it myself, before I would abort a child. In no way am I trying to talk anyone into having an abortion. I have known mothers who felt they had to abort, and have understood and sympathized with their reasons, which have fallen neatly into two categories, extreme poverty and an abusive relationship with the father of the child that the mother greatly feared would transfer to the child. In both cases, my support was for my friend as she went through the abortion, and in both cases, that seems to have been the decision that was best able to be lived with later on. Before such a decision is made, however, I can only encourage the deepest searching of the heart. There will always be some feelings for the aborted child, in most people. It will likely be a continuing source of sadness.

One comfort for those who feel they must abort is that the unborn soul itself does not die, just that opportunity to come into incarnation:

There is no soul lost, if by lost one means unredeemed and not capable of being able to continue its evolutionary journey when that process you have called abortion occurs. However, in such an instance there is the removing of vitality from the physical vehicle which within most of your culture’s definitions would equal that you have called murder. However, we suggest that the spirit which may inhabit any physical vehicle is not lost or irretrievably blunted in its search for incarnational experience by the act of the aborting.[716]

Drugs And Addiction

Drug addiction seems to be a part of every society, from the most primitive to the most technologically advanced. We as human beings seem to be able to find an infinite number of ways to alter our consciousnesses with things we drink, eat, smoke or have injected into our systems. Excessive use of such substances seems to be an integral part of celebrating holidays and special occasions for many. I would be the last to condemn the more innocuous substances out of hand, for I enjoy a little, in moderation. On the other hand, having had alcoholics in my birth family, I know exactly how much chaos and distress overuse of addictive substances causes in a family. Usually, though cigarette smoking is a nasty and mortal addiction, its excess does not break up families, nor do caffeinated substances like tea, coffee and cola. But the full range of other drugs can and will break up families and destroy people with a ravenous and impersonal hunger. In some cases, such as with hard drugs and street drugs, I would feel secure in advising us all never to pick up or try them even the first time. All the various forms of cocaine, all the party drugs, designer drugs and “safe” drugs with various names with exotic chemicals in them can be counted on to be too hot to handle by anyone. For alcohol and marijuana, however, I see appropriate usage as a matter of degree. Those of Q’uo suggest:

The nature of addiction or vice can be seen to be that which takes a good thing and simply overdoes it. What drives entities to addiction very simply is the instinct that the body, the mind and the spirit has to seek comfort, enjoyment and peace.[717]

The drug seeker is looking for ways to feel better. In this way, it can be clearly seen that drug usage is service-to-self in its polarity.

C. S. Lewis said that there is no neutral ground in the universe. For the victim of substance abuse, there is no neutral ground between the self-serving negative path and the positive path of service to others, and the seeking of the higher self. It is one or the other.[718]

For a person in pain, the service-to-self aspect is largely irrelevant, for it is felt that the drugs are needed to allay pain, and Jonathan Boyne says:

Testing highly and interested in everything, I received a scholarship, but dropped out, disillusioned by available sources of knowledge, experimented with LSD, had great insights and depression. It seemed clear that Earth was headed for disaster of all sorts, some of which I have seen from space in ships out of body, with no sane livelihood available. Suicidal at eighteen to twenty, I was hospitalized three times for overdoses, wanting to return to a more sensible place.[719]

Especially when we are alienated and unable to find satisfying work, Earth can seem far less than a sensible place! However, drugging the self to the point of overdose is a far cry from that thought of using a little pot or alcohol to enhance a celebration. So if we are trying to come to some conclusion about our own usage, we need to see where we are on that scale from celebratory drugs to sociable drugs to drugs as a pain killer to drugs as an escape. The first two categories are pretty safe for most people, although if we are from addictive gene pools, we must always watch any intake. The third category is not one we want to be in often, and the fourth category is never a good idea to choose. Drugs may seem like an escape, but they are a blind alley, often a fatal one to enter.

We as a civilization seem to seek drugs and medicine a good deal, and I am certainly a participant in that. As of this date I am taking ten medications for which I need a prescription, and another ten herbal and other preparations intended to work on one or another condition of my often poorly-testing physical vehicle. The only drug that alters my consciousness at all is buspar, a nerve relaxer, but cortisone, Vioxx, Lipitor, Synthroid, Prilosec and other powerful drugs run through my body all the time, helping me mechanically to control various conditions that have not responded to diet and exercise. In addition, I drink a glass of wine probably once a week. I genuinely wish to function as fully as possible in consensus reality, and watch carefully the substances I take. But I cannot be “holier than thou” on this subject when I use the crutches that medicine and drugs represent to help blunt the edges of my own conditions and symptoms. Again, it is a matter of degree. I think this is true of any addiction. We can certainly also have addictions to work, or to avocations, for example. It is always a matter of appropriate degree. Several wanderers talk about this:

The marriage lasted six years. I gave him all the love, devotion, and compassion I had to give. I gave the marriage my all, and it didn’t work, of course. That began the walk on the road to kill. I began taking drugs, drinking and an attitude that life is a sick joke. The drugs made me forget all the pain. Drugs numbed me. The stress alone nearly killed me. Drugs were all I had that made me feel better.[720]

***

He relies very heavily on daily use of marijuana and beer to soothe his soul and to take the edge off whatever harshness exists between himself and the world. I think he does this in lieu of going inward and finding strength and protection from within, or if he does go inward, it is out of paranoia or to hide, not so much to connect with the higher source. When confronted about his dependency, he shows no sign of ever giving it up.[721]

***

I take medication myself, because I came to a point where I knew the burden of my life choices was overwhelming me and that if I was going to “just keep walking” I had to be able to cope with my tests one at a time. I have difficulty even identifying physically. I feel straddling worlds can be dangerous. I have to make a conscious effort to remember to eat, get enough sleep; i.e., take care of the body.[722]

I think that many people can accept taking medication for a period of time in order to help deal with a certain difficulty. When there is a chronic health situation, we tend to accept prescription drugs into our daily regimen. Under a doctor’s care, such uses of medicine seem to me to be relatively acceptable. In the second quote, however, the young man that 131 is talking about does have an addiction problem. No amount of marijuana and beer can substitute for working on our problems. Pharaoh writes:

I guess that for the most part my life has seemed quite a struggle. And alcohol and pot, not to mention antidepressants, have been with me for most of my last twenty years. I’m wondering, if I’m as spiritually evolved as I’d like to believe, if I should probably drop these bad habits one of these days. What do you think?[723]

I believe I counseled him to keep the anti-depressants but to think carefully about the extent of his other two substances, pot and beer. It is so easy to get into an excessive habit when all we really intended was to indulge in moderation. And moderation can be the difference between a very pleasant life and one rendered dysfunctional and unmanageable. I am not a puritan, but I do encourage this concept of moderation.

It is often the case that people come to consciousness-altering substance use as aspirants after knowledge, wisdom, light and realization. Perhaps some have had great insight thereby. My experience is limited to having taken LSD twice, in the early ’80s, and finding no trips in consciousness taking place, just a feeling of great well-being, and an unusually ample supply of physical energy which enabled me completely to clear away all my office work that day. However, the after-effects of this usage were so severe for me, physically, that I decided not to take LSD again, and I have not. Jim McCarty comments:

Drugs, sex, and rock and roll was the new religion of the day, in the late ’60s, and I was dedicated to becoming one of its saints. I smoked a lot of marijuana and took a couple of trips on acid, on one of which I heard a voice in my brain say very clearly, “You don’t have to be stoned to be here.”[724]

In this regard, as in so many others, Jim’s wonderful combination of good, sound judgment and psychically accurate intuition and guidance are tremendously appreciated by me. The guidance he got, that we don’t have to be stoned to achieve altered states of consciousness, is to my mind most important. I know, for instance, of several methods of altering consciousness that have nothing to do with drugs. Sustained exercise can bring on satori, as can dancing and shamanic activity. Those of Oxal note:

Nothing is clear in your illusion, nothing can ever be permanently clear. It is possible to place the mind within a different state of consciousness, because consciousness has little to do with the illusion. That is precisely what the Sufi who dances, the shaman who twirls, the runner who goes beyond his limits, or the entity which takes mind altering drugs intends to do. It intends to move to a point of view which is less illusory and more full of that which all humankind seeks: truth.[725]

The dancing and exercising, to me, are far safer for the waking personality than taking drugs. I have known several friends who overdid the LSD trips back in the 1960s who had astounding experiences, which manifested in the memory as blazes of light that were flashbacks to the original light-filled experience. The problem with this is that the experience itself, forced onto the consciousness by the substance, was not something the body, mind or spirit were ready for, and consequently there was a continuing and chronic loss of power through the higher three centers and a corresponding lack of ability to seat the awareness that these experiences brought. It was like an energy leakage. In later life, the trips were only seen as destructive experiences, the flashbacks being times when they became unable to function. Perhaps this sort of difficulty can be cured, but it is not simple or easy to reclaim one’s integrity and balance, or to feel again the reservoir of personal power that has been experiencing a slow leak for decades. Drug usage can take us to a higher place, but it is likely to be one we are not ready for and cannot actually use.

Let us take the case of those who are using gadgets such as drugs, or shapes, or methods of focusing concentration, in order to aid their service to others, for their difficulties arise from a different level than others. Those who are willing to use a crutch in order to vault themselves upwards into the light, whether the crutch be drugs, or magical rituals, or whatever other occult science may be used as a gadget, have literally pulled themselves to a place for which they have not worked, and for which they well may not be ready. Whether or not they are ready to experience the wisdom and light, the love and compassion, of intercourse with the deity, [they] must reckon with the falseness of their position in the light. Drugs wear off. The magical personality may crumble between the grocery store and gas station. Occult wisdom may leave one without resources when something occurs that is completely against that particular dogmatic method of perceiving the archetypical mind. And alone at last with its self, this entity who has no crutch now, finds itself committed to dispensing actions and words and the very beingness of its self in a way congruent with what it has learned. The crutch is gone, but the entity is responsible for the light that that crutch has gained.[726]

Taking addictive drugs to achieve enlightenment is a cul de sac. It may bring moments of enhanced awareness, but the question remains: can we be responsible for the material we have learned? Metaphysically speaking, unless we have been wholly conscious with the work all the way, we probably cannot. Trying to take short cuts to enlightenment by the use of drugs is, therefore, a false path and one I specifically recommend that seekers not take. Far better is the realization that comes in its own time. Have the faith to know that we are on a good track, a blessed path that will bring us the light we seek. We are seeking light our whole lives long. Let us do that with good judgment, wit and the skill we can bring to the moment by the experiences we have had, and the caution we have learned.

Suicide

When I was twelve and a half years old, I came to a point of personal crisis. I was in despair. I had come to the conclusion, after years of trying to help out in a family which badly needed my help but could not thank me for it and, indeed, criticized me at every turn, that I was entirely unable to be of true service. I felt hopeless and helpless. I kneeled down in the tiled bathroom of my family home and prayed to die. Six months later, my kidneys failed, and I did, temporarily, die. However, once on the “other side” of this life, I immediately was given the choice of coming back in another life, with a smaller agenda of personal lessons and service, or coming back into this present life, even though I had perhaps piled too much of both lessons to learn and gifts to share on my plate this time. I was enormously elated to think I would eventually be able to be of service to someone, somehow, and, in a state of great joy, mentally chose to return to this present life. I was instantly back in my body and here I remain to this day, thank heavens. I could never fail to understand what drives people to suicide, having been there myself. I do not recommend it on any level, but I grasp the despair and hopelessness that move people into suicidal moods. A meditation member asks those of Latwii, “Could you say a few words on the subject of suicide?” To which those of Latwii reply:

My sister, it is not our intention or our right to stand in judgment over the actions of another entity. For this reason, we would strongly suggest that those present be aware that such an action is, although not positively polarizing in most cases, an acceptable form of death for those who seek a different avenue of progress. We, being of a positive orientation, regard this as a detrimental action in that, as you are aware, it terminates the possibility of attainment before a number of lessons are offered. It also acts in a less than selfless manner upon the lives of others who had chosen to interact with the now dead individual for the purpose of that individual and their own learning. Again, this, as it exerts control and influences the learning progression of others, can be regarded as beneficial to those whose path lies in the direction of negative orientation. However, for those who seek positive polarization we, in the majority of cases, would strongly suggest avoiding this path.[727]

It is very difficult for those who are suicidal to see this point. To them, it tends to look like a service-to-others gift to end the incarnation. There is the feeling that this will end the pain, for the self and for those around the self. Barbara says:

I hadn’t quite thought of the running away as in ending it all. There is a wall there in my psyche which prevents me from even thinking about running away like that, but I do long for this existence to be over sometimes. I think that many of us do.[728]

That temptation to run away from life and into the next world can be very seductive:

I’m tired of being the bunny, and I want out unless there are damn good reasons for continuing. So far I’ve found none; there is absolutely nothing that I want from this life or this place; I can and would leave tomorrow if opportunity offered; and if opportunity doesn’t offer, I can soon create one. And whilst I abhor the use of violence, either towards oneself or others, I’ve had a good deal of experience with fasting, enough to know, not only that it is the best way out, but also that it’s a respected and not uncommon one in the Yogic tradition.[729]

This Australian has been eying suicide for years, and it is to his credit that he has refrained from following its siren call in his psyche, for he has dreams of service to the planet that may well one day bear fruit, and benefit all of us. It is so easy to go from the bare idea to a discussion of ways and means, and feel that one is coping well with the subject. But to me, there is no benefit in choosing one form of suicide over another. The result, in all cases, is the loss of a precious soul before her time has come to leave. Cheryl Hollrah puts this suicidal urge down to not appreciating her very life:

There were many a time in my younger adult life that I came close to death, but in an instant a twist of fate freed me from the entanglement of death, and I came out of the experience without a scratch; smelling like a rose, I’ve heard. I’ve had an added seat belt in life. I used to take advantage of it knowing I was protected, and playing quite daringly with life. I walked on the edge for years. Why not, I didn’t fear death. The problem was I didn’t value my life.[730]

One great problem with suicide is the service-to-self aspect that I would call the selfishness of the proposed act. Having survived the suicide of my beloved companion of many years and partner in research, Don Elkins, in 1984, I can witness firsthand to the immense cost of this suicide in terms of my own suffering. It has been sixteen years since Don became despondent, then mentally ill, psychotic and delusional, and eventually shot himself. Not any hour within any day has passed since then without the images of his last illness being brought forcibly to my conscious waking mind, especially those last images of him with a gun to his own head, his eyes quite mad, his life fading before my eyes. Every all-too-honest word about my confusion at the time, everything I ever said that could possibly have helped to discourage him, play again and again in my head, even though upon severe and prolonged self-examination, I can see in every instance I was doing my absolute best, making no ethical mistakes, doing all I could to love and support him. I am not consumed by his death as I was for the first six or so years after he died. I sleep again, I have gotten over my very deep anger at him for abandoning me, I no longer have to seek psychiatric help to get through my own days. And I trust him to have done exactly as he thought best. I do not begrudge him that. But I still suffer daily and probably hourly from the guilt and pain associated with his action. And beyond all else, Jim McCarty and I simply miss him, for he was our leader and beloved companion. Life without Don is a poorer thing indeed. Those of Q’uo say:

As entities become more inclined to spiritual work, guilt is vestigial and unhelpful, for nothing can be done to ameliorate the situation about which the guilt is felt. A good example of this is the feelings of family in the event of suicide. Even those who are not related to the family member but were friends will consider to themselves, immediately upon hearing of the demise of such an entity in suicide, all of the things that could have been done had the person realized in what bad shape the entity was. Even though the entity has moved on and nothing can be done, these phantom feelings are very real and must be dealt with as though they had something to do with consensus reality.[731]

Andrea Arden, an astrologer, confirms that suicide has a very real impact, not on the soul who chooses that method of passing into larger life, but on those who are close to that soul:

Death is indeed an expansion of consciousness, the spirit freeing itself from the limits of the physical body, a transition. Most of the time, to an astrologer, it can look like the person who died went on a vacation, especially if death came suddenly. The difficult aspects are present, but they tend to show more in the charts of the bereaved who are left behind.[732]

It is one thing to think of suicide in the abstract, as a theoretically acceptable choice of how to end one’s physical life. It is another to think of dependent children murdered, for instance, because the parent no longer wants to live, and does not wish to leave them alone. That example seems to bring home the terrible error of suicide: the assumption that it happens in a vacuum. It never does, not even for the most isolated person. Even when there are no children, or even family, there are those who will be enormously distressed, not for a moment but for a lifetime. Suicide always has a detrimental, painful and lasting effect on all those around the experience. From the standpoint of being of service to others, suicide is disastrous. Sometimes the person contemplating suicide is not at all moved by this consideration, and wishes to hurt those who she may feel have hurt her. However, another central consideration which suggests not choosing to commit suicide is the consequences for the self. It is as though we have bought an airplane ticket on time. It’s fly now, pay later:

When one refuses for any reason to use those abilities that are within one’s scope of being, then it is that such an intensity of learning may seem a weight too heavy to bear and the entity may be, shall we say, forced by its own reluctance to resort to what seems to be extreme measures of coping with the problem that it has devised for itself. In the extreme case the entity may choose to stop its efforts during the incarnation by what you call the suicide. There are lessons in each area, for lessons cannot be escaped. They may be ignored for a time. The lessons shall eventually be faced in one way or another, in one incarnation or another. The means and time are of the choosing of the entity that has also chosen the lessons.[733]

Those of Ra see suicide as the making of a promise to reincarnate:

Questioner: Do I understand, then, that death, whether it is by natural means or accidental means or suicide, that all deaths of this type would create the same after-death condition which would avail the entity to its protection from friends? Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. We presume you mean to inquire whether in the death experience, no matter what the cause, the negative friends are not able to remove an entity. This is correct largely because the entity without the attachment to the space/time physical complex is far more aware and without the gullibility which is somewhat the hallmark of those who love wholeheartedly.

However, the death, if natural, would undoubtedly be the more harmonious; the death by murder being confused and the entity needing some time/space in which to get its bearings, so to speak; the death by suicide causing the necessity for much healing work and, shall we say, the making of a dedication to the third density for the renewed opportunity of learning the lessons set by the higher self.[734]

No matter how useless everything may seem, to my mind there is little chance that I will be in a better place to deal with life at a later time or in another life than I am now. There is in me, especially since my childhood death, or “near-death,” experience, a vital awareness of the worth of the gift of life. It is my feeling that if we are here, we have provided for ourselves lessons and services to receive and to offer, and we also have within us and around us sources of guidance and sustenance that are always equal to the moment. We may well suffer greatly, but the suffering is part of what we came here for, and what we learn from. To try to circumvent these problems and their challenge is futile: we can only put them off, and create a lot of suffering for others, by choosing to end our lives before the Creator has called for us to go. There is a less obvious way of committing suicide, and it is one which I have seen several times. It occurs when someone, as Andrea Arden says, disconnects from life:

My experiences as an astrologer and a regression therapist have led me to believe that people always choose, consciously or not, when and how they die. From a personal perspective, I watched both of my parents decide to die when they were each confronted with an illness they chose not to live with. Neither one expressed it verbally, but it was obvious that the choice was made. It was as if someone threw a switch and they disconnected from life. In each case, death came very swiftly after that.[735]

How many of us have known someone who, in the latter stages of a mortal illness, stopped trying to get better? It does seem that death comes more easily to someone who has given up. I can only encourage us not to allow hopelessness to sweep us away. It is seductive, but it is false. Anthony Thomas shares his story of coming very close to suicide, and realizing that this is not what he wishes to do:

I felt lost, alone. My thoughts were too intense at those younger ages; too above the normal masses. No one could understand me and I couldn’t understand myself. Finally at age nineteen or so, I attempted to end this body’s physical reality, hoping to go back to wherever I came from. I knew that I was not from this plane of existence. After taking two bottles of sleeping pills with a glass of milk, I went to bed. My mind was spinning; thoughts entered and went. My mind was haunting me, scaring me out of this choice I made, telling me how selfish this choice was, how senseless it was. Who was going to take care of my mother? Of my pet kitty cat? What of my mission? Then with all my strength, I got outta bed and made my way into the bathroom. I only had enough energy left to throw up a portion of the pills, hopefully it would be enough. I then crawled into bed and went to sleep, hoping that I would wake up the next morning.[736]

Anthony, I am glad you made it! Suicide is a choice of fear over love, of emptiness over fullness, of nothing over everything. I think it is a very unwise choice to second-guess the Creator, and Ken Page’s story really brings this out:

I felt it was time to let my body go and explore other worlds. I felt quiet. I loved the Earth but I had made up my mind that I was done here. I felt emotionally fragile and on the verge of tears. I wanted to hold back my emotions but told myself I needed to be more open and vulnerable. I knew I was dying. When I had felt something like this in the past, it meant there was a part of me I needed to let go of, yet this was different. This was total death. The time for my leaving was close. One afternoon, soon after, Mary and I were talking and laughing over a story that had come in over the fax machine. We were planning to go to a movie and she went to take a shower while I watched TV and relaxed.

Suddenly I heard her cry out. I went to the bathroom door and called to her. She didn’t answer. The door was locked and I panicked. I banged on the door and called to her again. The door opened. Mary was gray, frozen in pain, and told me to take her to the hospital. The police had been called ahead to notify them and they met us with a wheel chair. Mary was in incredible pain and could barely talk. I knew this was it. Soon a doctor told me she was in shock and it didn’t look like she was going to make it. I told her I loved her and was going to give myself totally to her so she could feel my love. I put my hand on her stomach and prayed. I told her over and over how much I loved her. We merged together and I felt a shift. A warmth came over us and we felt the presence of God. X-rays showed there was something the size of a grapefruit inside of her, an obstruction, a tumor they needed to operate to find out what was going on.

I stayed with Mary until they took her into surgery, my hands upon her, my energy connected to hers. I sat outside in the hall and continued to pray. I visualized the mass inside of her disappearing. Thirty minutes later two surgeons came out. They seemed confused. They told me Mary was OK, she was going to make it. They had opened her abdomen up completely and everything was perfect. They explained how they’d checked all her organs and found nothing wrong. They didn’t know what to make of it and had no explanation for her crisis or the image on the x-rays. This was a miracle.

As we shared our thoughts over the following days it became clear to me I was not the same man. What had happened? The answer quickly came to me. At the moment I gave myself totally to Mary and her spirit coupled with mine, the part of me existing in the alternate reality came home. I was back in present time here, on Earth, fully in my body. My vibration had changed and the energy of creation was, once again, flowing through me. I was finally at peace.[737]

If you are contemplating suicide, I wish to call you back to the forces of your own unfinished life and work, this present reality with all its challenges and pain. Examine this choice with extreme care. Perhaps there is AIDS or cancer or fear of the final stages of a disease. Yet you live, and always, this is for a reason. As you read these words, I encourage you to find ways to open up to love and self-confidence, to faith and hope, to finding your feet and finding self-forgiveness. Come back to life! I do not feel we are through at this banquet until the celestial waiter brings the check! Eat and drink of life’s sweetness in the tiny ways, in stepping outside and smelling the dew on the grass, the rain in the air, the honeysuckle in bloom, or taking the time to imagine them. Renew the springs of your faith, and keep three words as your motto till you are on safe ground again: “Never give up.”

Chapter Eleven: Mystical Tools For Growth

Meditation

Meditation is an activity most close to my heart, one which I credit with offering me great sustenance and guidance over the forty plus years I have used it. At the same time, no one could be poorer at formal meditation than myself. When we think of meditating, we think of swamis sitting for hours at a time in motionless bliss. This has not been my usual experience with meditation. I am restless, I twitch and shift in my seat. I watch a million thoughts arise and fall away. And yet I still have experienced tremendous help from this resource. My first concern in talking about meditation, then, is to assure the seeker that it does not have to be done well to work for us. It needs primarily to be persistently attempted. It is an activity which takes on its own rhythm when we include it in our lives and make it a settled habit. If I had to choose only one mystical tool for growth, it would be silent meditation. Mike Korinko says:

I started daily meditations again with no point other than to just sit and be peaceful. It is amazing how much that helps. There were days when I couldn’t get the job thing out of my head, but I sat there anyway. I hope I never again forget how important that quiet time with the Creator is for me.[738]

How can we describe this “quiet time with the Creator.” 131 feels that meditation is her connection to her deity:

I have been meditating for years and use that time to, among other things, connect to my higher source. It is usually a time of great nourishment for me, and it helps me face the rest of my life, even in times of great despair.[739]

Those of Ra confirm:

The passive meditation involving the clearing of the mind, the emptying of the mental jumble which is characteristic of mind complex activity among your peoples, is efficacious for those whose goal is to achieve an inner silence as a base from which to listen to the Creator. This is an useful and helpful tool and is by far the most generally useful type of meditation as opposed to contemplation or prayer.[740]

Meditation may also be seen to be a means of connection to the deeper self, that self that is beneath the limen of the subconscious. Karin Pekarcik says:

Most of the time I play the forgetting game. I forget who I am. Where is the inner beauty residing within me? This is where meditation plays its major part. Every day it reminds me that I am more than my physical appetites, I am more than my sometimes turbulent emotions, and I am more than my mental chatter. And what I am is a wonderful being filled with joy and beauty.[741]

The Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow agree that meditation brings us to awareness of who we really are:

Meditation is the most efficient means of discovering those portions of the self which seek to make themselves known to the conscious mind, so that the conscious mind might grow further in its grasp of understanding of unity with all that is. You may see these unformed queries in your mind as the seeds of your future growth, and you may see the practice of meditation, contemplation, prayer and the seeking in general as those means whereby the seeds shall receive the water of your attention which is necessary for them to sprout, and to bloom forth into their full glory, for they contain that part of yourself which is yet unborn, and which seeks to become born.[742]

This gentle turning of the identity back from the doing of “I am a healer,” to the being of “I am,” is a priceless fruit of meditation.

The movement in development of personality is from the surface of things, deeper and deeper into them, until finally the seeking and the sought become one; one thing, so that you are not meditating, but finally you are the meditation, and this meditation is your perfect poem, your arrangement of your consciousness, and you know in an instant that this consciousness is the gift which you shall give to the Creator.[743]

We may also see the conduit opened by meditation as being connected to spiritual grace:

Meditation has been greatly misunderstood among your peoples. It is thought that one is to make one’s intelligence a blank tablet, a tabula rasa. One is supposed to find silence within. Only then in that silence is the meditation considered successful. This is not our understanding of the helpful value of meditation. The intention of those who meditate is that they may be open to spiritual grace, not knowledge, for there is no such absolute within third density, but grace.[744]

Romi Borel talks about what she calls timelessness:

I have finally been able to enter a new place through meditation. I achieve timelessness. I see so much and feel so much and go through so much, yet when I am led back, sometimes only ten or fifteen minutes has gone by! I’m amazed! I am truly, gently seeking my purpose now. I feel myself going through tremendous transformation. I’ve lost twenty pounds in the last two months, no appetite. When I question this I’m “told” that I’m being fed on another level. Weird. I’m still moving slowly. Accepting what is given, taking the meditation suggestions that are given once I am surrounded by light and pursuing those. I’ve never been this gentle with myself before. It feels delightful. I have to fight the feeling of resentment when I am guided back out of where ever it is that I go. It is so peaceful there. But it feels like someone is showing me to the “reality door” and saying, “Okay, the ride is over; now get back to work.”[745]

Being fed on another level is just what meditation feels like to me, even though I can never get my mind to shut off completely. Those of Hatonn say that meditation is a kind of spiritual manna:

Feed your faith and your understanding through meditation. The further that you go along this path, my friends, the more meaningful you will find this simple statement: meditate. It begins as a simple process and, little by little, it becomes a way in which you live. Observe it as you progress along your own spiritual path.[746]

And although usually the path of the meditator is not suddenly changed by the process, but is gradually altered, sometimes it is clear that meditation is the agent of sudden and rapid change, as in this story by Jim McCarty. He relates how he came to leave Paul Shockley’s group in Oregon:

I had a great time with the folks from Cosmic Awareness Communications and Paul Shockley’s Aquarian Church of Universal Service, but a chance to make a lot of money with a fellow from the Aquarian Church puzzled me, and I took the weekend to think about it in my humble trailer outside of Yamhill, Oregon. I had met Don and Carla before I left Kentucky and had come to a number of their meditations and we had gotten along well enough that they had invited me to join them in the summer of 1980, but I had it in my mind that I needed to go to Oregon. But on that weekend of decision-making I was going to have to give all this more thought because though I had nothing against money I hadn’t come to Oregon to make a lot of it. As I sat down for my first meditation that weekend it must have taken all of thirty seconds before the message to return to Louisville and join Don and Carla arched across the sky of my inner eye, and within two weeks I was back in Louisville. Within three weeks of joining Don and Carla the Ra contact began, and the rest has been our continuing story together.[747]

This process of changing is quite organic, and it is generally only in looking back over a period that one can begin to see the process at work. But work it does. Meditation is a strong force for change:

Meditation is passive learning. Tabernacling with the one infinite Creator is passive learning. It is the learning from listening to the voice one cannot hear which answers questions which one cannot ask. The process cannot be known and cannot come into consciousness in local sense, yet the learning is there. And the strength of spirit and will which comes from this learning is helpful.[748]

I think our hearts are the tabernacle into which the Creator comes; indeed, when I have encountered the infinite One there, I am the latecomer to my own heart; the Creator is already there, waiting for me patiently. Since the most efficient process is normally slow and steady, one thing important to recommend is an upper limit to how much meditation we do, so that we avoid metaphysical exhaustion. Those of Q’uo say:

If one is not careful, one can create one’s own spiritual burnout. We suggest that the meditations be limited to perhaps no more than an hour per day, perhaps no more than a half hour at any one sitting. This is due to the fact that meditation is a very powerful tool, and the rate of change needs to be slow enough that the personality of your consciousness may have time to absorb knowledge and inspiration that it receives and make its choices in a timely and deliberate manner. It is not well to rush or to hurry the spiritual life, for the soul has its leisure, and in the fullness of time are things accomplished.[749]

My own silent daily meditations are only five to fifteen minutes long. They have sufficed to keep me changing fast enough to suit me! One thing meditation has often proven to be for me is a key to getting more done in the physical world. Anchored by meditation, my day just moves more smoothly. Romi Borel says:

With regard to meditation and prayer, the comments on our busy lifestyles reminded me of a quote from Gandhi: “I have so much to do today. I shall have to meditate for two hours rather than just one.”[750]

All this makes meditation sound wonderful. However, attempts to get into meditation can feel quite fruitless. Joe Koehm says:

I try to meditate, but I cannot quiet the cacophony in my head, along with a constant ringing in my left ear.[751]

Joe may have the tinnitus all the time and be too busy to be bothered by it. But when our bodies sit still and they are unaccustomed to doing so, they rebel. They look for a focus. And so Joe becomes aware of the ringing in his ears when he gets silent. If we have a headache or stomachache, it will reliably get worse during meditation. If we are tense, we may feel even tenser. Until we get our bodies into the habit of sitting still and doing absolutely nothing in the physical sense, they will cut up rough. When I first began meditating every day, at the tender age of thirteen, I was the stomachache queen. It took only seconds to develop a royal case of gastritis. After a few weeks, this phase ended, but then I began to see monsters when I closed my eyes. I suppose it was the elementals of the lower astral plane that were cavorting through the open door betwixt my conscious and subconscious minds. They were completely harmless. The appearances only lasted for a few weeks, until my body finally got into the habit of sitting in meditation. S. reports that his emotions swamped him when he first began to meditate:

I haven’t been meditating for long, this whole spiritual journey has been going on for years now, I am only eighteen and I feel so old. But I digress. I can’t grasp the problems I have been having with meditation. When I first started it was a bit superficial but as I got better and it got deeper a sense of urgency developed that grew in intensity so that it became physically uncomfortable, it becomes a struggle to remain still and concentrate. I have actually stopped because the “emotions” overwhelm my ability to focus.[752]

Again, perseverance is the only answer. When we start to meditate, we will find all of our own secrets out in front of ourselves, all the places where we are habitually holding tension in our bodies, all the repetitive thoughts and fears and pent-up emotions, all the little quirks of mind and manner that we normally miss because we are in motion. It may take us a year or more to wade through the various waters we have puddled for ourselves as a moat between our castle wall selves and the seemingly inner world that awaits us beyond the waters of consciousness. This inner world is actually as vast and trackless an ocean as any outer sea. The inner planes and metaphysical universe are “inner” in the space/time sense, but very “outer” in the time/space sense. It is no wonder that the meditator can feel she is awash and making no headway at all. Mary says:

I meditate and meditate but I am not making the right connection I guess. It seems the further I go, the more questions I have. And to think that when I was a teenager, I thought I knew it all.[753]

The expansion of questions is, to my mind, evidence that meditation is indeed working for Mary. It is not the answers we receive from meditation that are so helpful as much as it is the improved clarity of our awareness of our own concerns. We begin to know our own minds. It is a long process, but one which has been eminently worthwhile in my own spiritual journey. In fact, the craving for silent group meditation was what prompted me to join Don Elkins’ meditation experiment in 1962. it was the beginning of a lifetime of fascinating adventures for me.

Another very common distraction during meditation is the movement of energy across the skin. This seems to be an electrically or electromagnetically caused sensation. Any part of the body can be involved. Many find the hair of the body moving as though electrified. The skin of the scalp is especially prone to such feelings. We at L/L Research have always called the sensations “conditioning.” We first noticed it in group meditations when new channels were waiting for contact. It seemed to occur before the actual information was given, as a kind of signal that a message was coming, or that contact had been achieved. However, I sat in the group for twelve years without learning to channel, or desiring to, and still received a lot of conditioning. I tend to receive conditioning across the top of my head, in the area covered by a small beanie. Others have described energy pulsing in their foreheads or across the third eye area, in the mouth and throat, or moving up and down their bodies. And there are many who say they feel increasingly large and weightless as meditations go on. Don asks those of Ra:

Questioner: Each of us feels, in meditation, energy upon the head in various places. Could you tell me what this is, what it signifies and what the various places in which we feel it signify?

Ra: The in-streamings of energy are felt by the energy centers which need, and are prepared for, activation. Thus those who feel the stimulation at violet-ray level are getting just that. Those feeling it within the forehead between the brows are experiencing indigo ray and so forth. Those experiencing tingling and visual images are having some blockage in the energy center being activated and thus the electrical body spreads this energy out and its effect is diffused. Those not truly sincerely requesting this energy may yet feel it if the entities are not well-trained in psychic defense. Those not desirous of experiencing these sensations and activations and changes even upon the subconscious level will not experience anything due to their abilities at defense and armoring against change.[754]

Simple persistence with this practice works wonders. It may be difficult to keep our spirits up if the practice does not “take” at first, in our own subjective opinion. It seems so logical to evaluate our progress! We want to take our spiritual temperature, to see how much better we might be doing than previously. This is never a useful idea. We will always be wrong about ourselves, for we cannot see ourselves from the inside out. Avoid discouragement, and value persistence itself, and our own desire to evolve spiritually. That will bring the fruits of meditation to us over time. Those of Q’uo urge patience:

Each usually experiences the subjective feeling that a meditation could have been purer or less cluttered with the errant thoughts of a foolish and shallow personality that seem to drift and rush through the calm and silent chamber within with undue rudeness and haste. Yet we ask you to be very patient and compassionate when looking at the performance of meditation or silent listening.[755]

My own chief fault in meditation is the continuing number of errant thoughts that stray through my fertile mind during the silence. I always have music playing in my head, which is not surprising considering that I have sung in choirs and choruses since the age of four, and come from a musical family of performers that made their own music and played recorded and radio music non-stop throughout my childhood. The combination is noisy and for me, memorable! My meditations are seldom peaceful in the sense of being completely silent, even in a group meditation. I encourage us all not to be discouraged by any tendency towards this. It has not stopped meditation from being effective in my life at all. Those of Q’uo say:

If one is simply mindful, and notes, without emotion or condemnation, each thought that moves through, allowing it to arise, allowing it to dissolve, then meditation has done that which it was intended for. It has allowed the entity to step back from the trees and see the forest. It has removed the tension of judgment and consideration and allowed a time that is truly free, a time in which the observer may simply watch thoughts arise and dissolve, not turning them away, not holding onto them. One may plan an entire menu, a shopping list or any other thought whatsoever during meditation if it is observed without that feeling of necessity to solidify the intelligence of the mind around the shopping list or the menu.[756]

It is not the perfection of the form of meditation we are after but the yeast of it, the bubbly essence of its freedom. We will be more than we were as a result of it. But how to get into it? How to help ourselves to move into that meditative space? I have always used very simple things. Visualizing the breathing process was my first meditation aid, and I still enjoy using it. I visualize the air coming into my lungs as being the pure white light of the infinite Creator. I visualize the air I exhale as containing all the old and weary material of body, mind and spirit. So I see white light flowing into my body, filling up my chest and stomach, and dissipating throughout my body, and the dark energy flowing out, leaving me lighter and lighter. Those of Q’uo suggest clearing the chakras as a way to begin meditation:

One good way to prepare oneself for meditation is to visualize each chakra in turn, beginning with the red root chakra, and moving upwards carefully clearing energies, carefully seeing your chakra centers glowing: orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. When you have reached sufficient humility to be able to listen to advice from the higher self that is not easily understood to be other than the self, then we suggest that you begin with this clearing of the chakras, so that you feel the light streaming from your head, for you have opened all your chakras; you have become vulnerable; you are ready to take a risk.[757]

This wanderer suggests meditating on nothing at all:

Meditate on nothing. Yeah, I said nothing. Just open yourself up to your higher self. IT knows exactly what you need and when we can shut up and sit down and let it guide us amazing things begin to unfold.[758]

Other suggestions include a winding wooded lane, using a mantra, and placing ourselves in the arms of Jesus:

Some tips that were helpful to me starting out? Close your eyes and see a road, a dirt road, winding through the woods. Then follow it. Create an affirmation. I believe it was [a mutual friend] who offered “I invoke the light of God within. I am a clear and perfect channel. Light is my guide.” Or you can create your own. But repeat it over and over again in your mind focusing on nothing but the words. Don’t expect too much. Everyone experiences meditation differently. Some of us experience it differently from one meditation to the next. The important thing is that you get in the habit of trying it. Everything else will come.[759]

***

I think of myself surrounded by the loving arms of Jesus nearly every time I meditate. Such great comfort, one cannot imagine.[760]

Often, I do not do anything to get into meditation. I just sit. That is another great virtue of this resource, that it can be done virtually anywhere one must wait, not just at home, not just at a certain time, not necessarily with eyes closed or looking at a candle, but any time we wish to move into that space. Again and again, we hear from the Confederation entities that doing it daily is very important:

Your best ally in this endeavor is meditation. We hear each in this room saying, “I cannot meditate well, so how is meditation going to help me?” Well, my dear friends, no one meditates very well, for the perfect meditation will remove all separation and restore all to unity. It is the force of the will that seeks meditation. It is the faith that moves a visible physical entity to seek the invisible and metaphysical. It is the discipline of doing so on a daily basis that will yield to you a continuing opening into your birthright, for as children of consciousness, are you not heirs to all of the truth? Are you not indeed embodiment of the truth?[761]

We are convinced and ready to meditate! But when? That is the chief woe of the modern spiritual seeker: there is no time! We often have to shoehorn time into our schedules for this practice very consciously. Those of Hatonn point out that honing our desire to meditate is, therefore, our first step:

We do suggest that you attempt to spend some minutes of your time each day in meditation. No matter what else you may do during the day, the silent meditation is the most efficient tool for seating within you the awareness of the love of the Creator. When you dwell within that consciousness, you are no longer working under your power, a power which fails much like batteries fail and which must be replaced by your sleeping periods. No, meditation is much like finding the electrical cord for constant power. It may flow through you, then, and not from you, and you will be far more radiant and able to dwell in the consciousness of the love and the light of the one infinite Creator.[762]

When during the day is it best to meditate? From the standpoint of convenience, the two best times are the beginning and the end of the day, because at those times, we are usually home and able to do what we wish. Jim and I have a morning offering at the beginning of each day, and it really anchors and enables our day. We begin with a silent meditation, and then have readings, a hymn and prayers. We have used evening offerings as well, although at present we are not formally doing them. The Christian church’s traditions offer six times a day for meditation and prayer, from the middle of the night to the early morning, noontime, late afternoon, after supper, and at bedtime. Through the years, I have heard people praise each of those times as being their personal best times for spiritual work, and I am sure that, whatever hour of the day or night that we sit in meditation, we are joining thousands of others doing the same thing. We always have a group to meditate with; we just do not know them personally. For those with not enough time for formal meditation periods, I encourage a rethinking to see that even a short time of meditation is “enough time.” Those of Q’uo say:

We suggest at least a few minutes of meditation each day. We do not advise long meditations, except for those who meditate all the time, and are aware of how much power there is in the silent, listening meditation. Rather, we recommend approximately fifteen minutes. We also recommend that mated couples attempt to do this together, as meditation brings change, and it is well that each understand the other’s discomfort as the change occurs. Change is always painful. Thus, to the pilgrim we offer love, it is true, but discomfort, dustiness, feelings of aloneness and all that goes with doing that which is seldom attempted within your society, and almost never understood.[763]

I can personally attest to the increased efficacy of meditation when we have a companion to share in the meditation. I think with great fondness of my meditation partners of so many years, from Jerry Stauss, Jerry Krumpelman and Sally DeWitt in the sixties to the various incarnations of the L/L Meditation Group family in their forty years of meeting, and most especially to my meditating companion of twenty years, Jim McCarty. Meditating with someone else seems to steady and strengthen the focus for us both, and when we are lucky enough to have three or more people to swell the group, each addition further tends to empower the meditation of each in the group. There is tremendous strength in the joining together of seekers. I heartily recommend group meditation experiences, and finding a companion for daily meditation, as being most helpful in furthering our own meditative practices.

I have read many books on meditation, and they are often very inspiring. Although I will never join the exalted ranks of true meditators, the resource of meditation is within your and my grasp and this waterfall of light can be ours as well as the most ascended master’s. Those of Q’uo say:

It is as though within the meditation, regardless of how scattered it seems, there is a pure and distilled waterfall of light which irrigates and illumines, cell by cell, the body, mind and spirit. It is like being rinsed and polished to relax into that presence which is holy.[764]

Contemplation

When we meditate, we are diving into the silence. When we contemplate, we are diving with assistance. We are taking an object into our musing thoughts and beginning by reflecting on this object or series of objects. Those of Ra say:

Contemplation, or the consideration in a meditative state of an inspiring image or text, is extremely useful also among your peoples.[765]

How is contemplation useful? Those of Q’uo say:

Through crisis and contemplation each seeker processes through an infinite series of realizations which give a richer point of view, a deeper point of view and hopefully a more and more balanced point of view. Each increases in inner peace.[766]

My favorite among the contemplatives I have known is Dale Chorley, who comments:

I’ve been working on a poem that starts out:

I set a course

To seek the source

I’ve changed it about twenty times now. It seems after the first two lines I drift off in contemplation and never can hit it right on the head.[767]

Dale’s take on contemplation is that it is a pondering sort of meditation:

As to meditating, well yes I do but not in some eastern religious form, or petitioning by prayer, but by pondering things, that is a large portion of myself. I wish to know the Creator and where I fit into the creation. That is how I came up with my simple saying:

As I

Ponder God

I am God

Pondering himself.[768]

It is to be noted here, Dale, that the deity is not necessarily exclusively masculine! Those of Q’uo suggest that contemplation is a good tool for examining the emotions that have arisen within us:

In meditation, allow the silence to do its work. But in contemplation simply allow the self to move into those states of emotion that arise. Feel that state. Enter into every nook and cranny of this emotion or of this nexus of emotions. Allow association to move your feelings and see if there are a constellation of events or memories that seem to trigger this same type of emotional response. In this way you are working on your consciousness without departing from the situation at hand, for there is a self that is beneath all of these experiences that come within the incarnation. As one goes through the illusion day by day one can more and more find composure where formerly there was conflict simply because the attitude of faith has begun to take root and the need is not felt so quickly to move into patterns that take one away from faith and into the doubtful waters of opinions and words and points of view.[769]

In a way, we can think of contemplating as sitting with something, like our own emotional state, simply sitting and keeping company with it, and allowing whatever responses emerge to do so. We can do the same with any idea we wish to ponder in an unhurried manner. Contemplation, just as much as meditation, is a tool for taking the fragments of catalyst and experience which we have undergone and integrating them into our deeper nature:

In each infinitesimal part of your self resides the One in all of its power. Therefore, we can only encourage these lines of contemplation or prayer as a means of subjectively/objectively using or combining various understandings to enhance the seeking process. Without such a method of reversing the analytical process, one could not integrate into unity the many understandings gained in such seeking.[770]

One method of contemplation that gives many real pleasure is interaction with nature. It is a favorite activity of mine to weed in Jim’s gardens. As I gently pluck the false strawberry and the ground ivy from the planned plantings, or deadhead the overripe blossoms of the flowers, I feel the strength of the Earth pouring into my body, and the perspective of a wider and higher point of view settling into my mind. Mary also finds this helpful:

When I get the blues I sit out on the back patio and talk to my container vegetable garden. In the past when I had land for a big garden, I found peace in my garden pulling weeds, pruning, singing to the baby bunnies that lived under our shed. I really didn’t care when people said I was crazy. I still don’t. I find much joy in immersing my self in God’s creations. I watch the flowers bloom in the spring and the leaves turn to beautiful colors in the fall. And when I reach a point of awe I begin to lose the blues.[771]

Nature cures the blues for me often, too. Karin Pekarcik likes to take a nature walk as her form of contemplation. She says:

My morning walk through nature is my second most cherished time of the day. I spend an hour walking in nature, observing life around me, and finding that same life abiding within me. This is the time I take to further connect with my inner self, that little inner voice who usually cannot be heard above the noise of the rush of the day. My favorite place is a bridle trail which has overgrown trees and vegetation, making it an actual forest in the midst of the city. I find this spot is a magical place for me. As soon as I step onto its winding dirt path, I become a new person. I am revitalized. I am reconnecting with the beauty of nature around me. And I am thankful I have so much beauty around me, and the time to wander through its trail, soaking up its healing energy into my hungry body. I am truly blessed to be able to take the time to meander through this magical place in my neighborhood. In the serenity of this magical forest I am able to think clearly. I find myself detaching from my sometimes aching body, questioning mind, and up and down emotions, and becoming a living, breathing entity, just being, living and moving in a sea of energy. Life just is during this special time. I become one with life, and life becomes me. There is no hurry or worry. All is peaceful and serene. I feel a deep connection to the life energy mingling in the vegetation of the forest. I am happy to be one with the beauty of nature all around me. I take this beauty with me, to cherish throughout my day, to keep me on track with my emotions, and to stay calm through my many challenges.[772]

Karin really catches the essence of contemplation here. Another wonderful place to be with nature is anywhere that there is water, whether a pond, fountain, creek, river or ocean. Water is a truly magical substance, and the sound of its placid plashing in our gardens is a great blessing to me. My favorite place to take a holiday is by the sea, and to walk on the beach at any hour of the day or night is always a joy and an invitation to muse. Seeing the horizon and the curve of the Earth just has to shake the provincial thinking loose from our wee minds! Whether we are contemplating ocean, sky, stars, a perfect or O’Keefe-ly imperfect blossom, or any other natural object, we are, perhaps inadvertently, looking into the connections between all natural things. Marty Upson puts it this way:

I believe that focusing on the connection of all things is a valid form of meditation, eyes wide open. I think a valuable exercise or meditation would be wakeful awareness of how all things connect, whether it be in nature, ecologically or whatever.[773]

Those of Q’uo expand on this thought:

In the case where meditation has become difficult or impossible to the self as it perceives the situation, we would suggest some physical means, however momentary, of dwelling within the creation of the Father. Contemplate the sun, which gives so generously that life and light which is so welcomed as the springtime nears. Stand beneath the tree which is generating itself from light and offering oxygen to its companions upon the earth plane, the human and all animals, while all animals move about their business, breathing out just that which trees and plant life need, your carbon dioxide. Observe the way in which events fall, seeming, when looking back upon them, so right, so inevitable. Gaze about the self to find any arrhythmic or out-of-place detail in the creation of the Father. Is there any except that which man has imposed upon the creation of the Father?[774]

We have to look a long time to find nature being awkward! But nature is not the only object of contemplation upon which we can usefully focus. There is the infinitely large area of our thoughts, questions, wonderings, hopes and dreams. Don Elkins, my beloved companion and research partner of many years, was a contemplator of the philosophical sort. He almost never sat in formal meditation except at group meetings, but loved to sit and think. I have very fond memories of him through the years, reclining in our hammock or couch on his hard-earned days off, one finger drawing endlessly in the air, seemingly writing invisible words and symbols. He would happily do this for hours. Some might call this day-dreaming or wool-gathering, but I knew he was doing real spiritual work. If this reminds us of ourselves, I encourage us to continue to dream our dreams! It is the contemplators and dreamers of this world who give our budding global mind hope and healing. Those of Q’uo suggest one final use of contemplation, at the end of the day, to affect personal healing of the day. This is the short version of the balancing meditation previously discussed in Chapter Eight:

The first item on the agenda is to know, in a systematic and organized fashion, oneself. This is done by examining the reactions one has had and the behavior one has advertently or inadvertently done during the day. It is best done in contemplation or analysis in the last portion of the day, perhaps when one is drifting off to sleep. And if there has been difficulty and pain to you, your first duty and honor is the healing of yourself. You must be your mother in the sense that the Creator is your mother. You must nurture and cradle yourself and allow the hurt to fall from you. Allow forgiveness to pour into you, for there is no end to forgiveness if it comes through the entity and not from the entity.[775]

Devotion

Since I am at heart a devotee, and since I am attempting to live a devotional life, I naturally consider devotion a central key to unlocking the secrets of a spiritually well lived life. It is, more than a lot of resources of mysticism, a various tool. Let us look at the two thrusts of this word, devotion, separately. Firstly, let us take devotion in its purer sense, which is as a straight translation of the word from its Latin antecedent, devotere, meaning “to devote or to vow.” It implies the qualities of loyalty, faithfulness and deep affection. In this sense, I am utterly devoted to deity and to deity’s mystery. It calls me as nothing in my life ever has. Its power over me is complete. What I want to do, first of all, is live my life as an expression of this amazing love I feel for the infinite Creator. Romi Borel describes this emotion beautifully:

I’m in love with the Creator. I am happiest when I feel I have His undivided attention. I honor Him with thanks, I wrap myself in His love and wisdom in meditation. I call out to Him to come to me every night before I go to sleep. I yearn for Him. I call out not from my mind but from my very soul. My heart aches for my oneness with Him. I hear love songs and don’t think of lovers. I think of the Creator. Now, you see? Just like any woman in love here I’ve gone and rambled on and on about my undying yearning for the great love in my life.[776]

My general concept of devotion is that it is a quality of focused love that can be brought to bear on any aspect of the work and doings of the physical, outer life. Generating devotion is a matter of discovering ourselves feeling the emotions of devotion, and consciously encouraging these emotions within ourselves. We can practice this when we are meditating, when we are walking, or when we are doing any form of spiritual work. It is an expanding, a welling up, a strengthening of emotion beyond the everyday, and to some extent it can be trained into the self as a habit of mind. Needless to say, excessive expressions of devotion can drive the bystanders crazy. The Hare Krishnas, with their sharing of joy at ball games and street corners, or Jehovah’s Witnesses going door to door to talk about their faith, can easily be seen as moving from appropriate behavior into proselytizing and infringing on others’ free will. But here I am not talking about that kind of religious devotion, but about the spontaneous development of our love of the Creator. However we find it possible to generate this devotional emotion within ourselves, when we feel the well of devotion overflowing, we can easily put our minds to how to express this loving attitude. For any activity in the world can be done with devotion, and thusly made holy. Those of Q’uo say:

As the emotions of devotion are turned towards the environment of the existing life and gazed at with an eye to being one who offers the positive point of view, then you may see that in any circumstance an entity with a positive, affirmative and hopeful point of view may well be foolish, which is acceptable in third density, indeed, almost necessary, for who but a fool would take the leap of faith that would say, “I do not need to be concerned about my path of service, for I see in front of me a dish to wash, a compost heap to turn, a child or a friend to hug and share love with.”[777]

As we dwell in devotional states, we are winding the coil of our desire and empowering our polarity. As I said, the word, devotion, has a split meaning. We have considered the first, general sense of the word, and address now the more specialized, religious sense of “devotion,” for every religion has its traditions of mystical seeking and devotion. In this sense, the word is synonymous with piety, devoutness and religious worship. In its plural sense, “devotions” refers to prayers, which we will take up next. As those of L/Leema say, not all seekers will be able to use devotion as a tool in the religious sense, but it makes sense to explore all religious systems of myth available to us, to determine whether they might be useful paths for us:

We ask you to spend time gazing upon the face of deity, however you may find it and by whatever names you preserve it. It is a good thing to be what you are, and what you are will grow and change and transform, yet it is likely that one pattern or another is most likely congruent with your vibratory energy pattern. Thusly, not all of you will be Christians, not all of you will be Sufis, and so forth. Yet all these structures yield the same living water. All are channels through which this water may flow, and it is the discipline and devotion and firm intention to follow the example set before you that will open to you the consciousness which all have come to give: that one consciousness of the one Creator. You have within you that one Creator, and, in fact, in the end you shall be that one Creator.[778]

Those of Q’uo also suggest our looking carefully at revealed religion for the one story that especially tugs at our hearts:

Each story appeals to those of a certain temperament. This entity has a temperament which finds the story of Jesus the Christ most helpful. Thus, it has become this entity’s way to objectify the shuttle of spirit, and to open within the heart and within the consciousness the gateway to intelligent infinity. There are other stories, many and various. We ask not that the spiritual seeker choose any particular one. We do ask that the seeker choose, and, having chosen, never look back. It may take as long as you wish in the incarnation to make that choice, but when the choice is clear, it is very well to move upon that path with the greatest intensity and devotion possible, for what you wish to do as a unique consciousness, or soul, is to become more and more powerful in the metaphysical sense. Until you have done the work of spirit involved in discovering the imperishable part of yourself, until you have made and dedicated the choice of how to love the infinite Creator, the self and all other entities, polarization cannot begin in any settled form which may deliver one more reliably into a denser light, and a more skillful use of that light in being and in manifestation, but most importantly in being.[779]

If we look through all the mythical and religious structures of thought open to us and are inspired by none of them, then we can cross religious devotion off of our list of spiritual resources. But as a practicing Christian, I can testify to the efficacy of the religious system of my church in aiding my practice of devotion. In the first place, here is an excellent chance for weekly group worship, where the devoted faithful meet in spiritual community. We are able to hear inspirational readings, beautiful music, hopefully thought-provoking sermons and we are able to pray together. Further, we are able to relate to each other as members of a spiritually based group, reaching out to each other in a spirit of love and understanding it would be impossible to generate within most secular environments, and reaching out to the neighborhood around the parish in a ready response to felt need. We experience the changes in the “Ordo” throughout the so-called “church year,” which take the worshiper through seasons of rejoicing, hope, confession and dedication as well as epiphany and utter awe. Each religious system has such helpful structures within its practices. Before rejecting religions entirely, shop the supermarket, read some “holy works” and books about myth, especially when written by authors who infuse the topic with spirit-animating understanding, like Joseph Campbell. Don’t reject the systems until we are familiar with their basic natures through reading or experience.

Religious devotion has shown itself in some extreme ways. Within the Christian church, the practices of self-flagellation and fasting have long been tools of devotion. I am not one to recommend self-flagellation, despite its ancient antecedents. The whole thrust of such a discipline is to underscore to the self the wickedness of the body, to see the body as something evil and dangerous to the spirit. But I do not see the spirit as over against the body, but unified with the body, in that the body can express itself in sacred ways in all aspects of life. Rather than flagellation, then, rather than beating oneself with wood or whips or by wearing itchy hair shirts, we can far more gently express moderation and discipline to the body by our choices of what we leave undone and unsaid, especially under duress. Fasting is a good, functional tool of devotion when we are attempting to express to ourselves that a certain excess is not acceptable to the self. We can fast from cross words, blame, sex, anger, guilt over what is long gone, resentment, or from food or drink. We can fast from any activity or quality we deem excessive within our practice. We do need to be aware that if we do such disciplines of denial we will almost certainly draw the attention of lower astral entities whose enjoyment is tempting seekers from their discipline. The fasting itself, though an attempt to gain true balance, is somewhat unbalanced in that it is the self, working on the self, not spontaneously allowing things to drop away of their own accord but ordering repression from the executive level. When we fast, we are rushing our progress. As in any situation where we are basically ahead of our power base, we lack balance. And so the testing will occur. Meet such testing and temptation with humor and the light touch as well as determination. What we are saying when we discipline ourselves, besides that we want to lose weight or remove anger or whatever, is that we are not any quality or activity, but rather that we are existing first of all as children of the Creator. Those of Q’uo say, concerning fasting:

The teacher known to you as Jesus the Christ fasted often, wishing to achieve not a pure life so much as an altered state of consciousness wherein the physical entity dropped away from consciousness and a union with the Father became possible. To the one known as Jesus, fasting was simply a means of altering the consciousness and building more and more the tested and sure bond this entity found with the Father, whose Son he always felt that he was. It is not in fasting, precisely, that our recommendations lie, but rather in a shift of focus, an alteration in our use of vocabulary, for the one known as Jesus the Christ stated during one confrontation with that portion of the Creator known as Satan, that man does not live by bread alone, but rather from every word which falls from the mouth of the Creator. This entity was expressing a principle, and the entity’s use of the word “word,” when saying that man lives by every word of the Father, was intended to be that which we would call the Logos or love.[780]

If we are interested in the discipline of denial and fasting, then, arm ourselves with the awareness that it is easy to try to go faster than we comfortably can, and although this feels very right in the spiritual sense, it may be that going this quickly makes unacceptable demands on our bodies or our mental and emotional states:

It is most often the case that the one who too quickly undertakes the higher spiritual, almost discarnate skills of devotion, may well have been leaving behind a neglected body, an unloved body, and without the knowledge to do any other.[781]

By all means, evaluate our conditions of body, mind and emotion, and invoke patience, for devotion is an art as well as a tendency of the heart, and moderation and tenacity may be qualities to be invoked:

Now, the seeker has a craft to learn and there are the scales that must be played again and again and again. There are scales which teach the notes of patience. There are scales which teach the notes of devotion. There are other exercises that teach the spareness and the reserve of true service. And these exercises must be repeated, and certainly for the seeker to become inwardly focused and moving in small circles is completely understandable and acceptable.[782]

To go slowly is totally acceptable in practicing devotion. After all, we have a lifetime of days in which to work! More than almost any other tool, pure devotion can be practiced anywhere, any time, and in a stunning variety of ways according to our intuition and feelings of the moment. May we find its rich fruits sweet.

Prayer

What a blessing prayer has been to me! From my first reaching for the hand of Jesus as a baby to the extremes of the decidedly various conversations I have had with my deity, prayer has been my faithful companion through life. I have offered prayers of praise, thanksgiving, deep anger, grief and sorrow. I have offered everything of myself, daily, for decades. The consolation this has been to me is inestimable. The stereotype of prayer is hardly as enticing as this broad description. When I think of prayer, my mind immediately goes to those cultural icons, the folded hands and bowed head, or the wailing wall with its rocking Hassidics, or priests I have known who take memorizing prayers to new depths of ultra-pietism. We tend to think of prayer as the rote repetition of words learned in early childhood, words which may have meant little to us then and perhaps less to us now. Donald Walsch did prayer a favor when he titled his book series, Conversations With God, for now, at least, there is that phrase to create a good description of prayer. Those of Ra call prayer a faculty of the will:

The faculty of will called praying is also of a potentially helpful nature. Whether it is indeed an helpful activity depends quite totally upon the intentions and objects of the one who prays.[783]

It is easy to think of prayer as a way of asking for or willing what we desire. And for some of us, praying for help in a crisis is the extent of our previous practice of prayer. But if we leave prayer until we are petitioning the Creator each time we pray, our use of this flexible and supple resource of the mystical mind is stingy. Those of Q’uo say:

We suggest the encouragement within the self of praise and thanksgiving for all, large and small, of the ephemeral world that may meet the senses. Prayer, praise and thanksgiving are three resources that add and strengthen the connection to faith.[784]

I would like to foster that feeling of the fullness of prayer. Moments of gratitude are prayers. Meditation is a silent prayer. Contemplation is a guided prayer. Devotion is living as a prayer. In prayer, I sense myself being held in a safe and loving hand, and there is a security there that is lacking in physically based living. As we converse in prayer with the living Creator, we become more and more fully aware that the Creator is alive, well and in love with us. Even the most uncertain prayers become fervent when this presence is perceived, and if we persist in prayer, we will perceive this presence. We will find it subjectively undeniable. We may never be able to defend it to someone else, but as we practice the presence of the one infinite Creator by talking with it, we experience that feedback, that back-pressure of presence, that speaks profoundly to us.

I remember suggesting to my mother, at a dark time in her life, that she pray. She responded that there was no one there. Mother was hard-headed, and wanted something linear to hold on to, to begin. I suggested that she try talking to her bedpost, the one at the right-hand foot of her bed. “Do not try to pray at first,” I said, “Just talk to your bedpost about the things that are troubling you.” I felt that she knew the bedpost was there, so that would soothe her unbelief. And it did. Rapidly, she became aware of a tremendous presence which was invoked when she began to talk to her bedpost. She started leaving the bedpost out of it, for she became aware of the presence of the Creator Itself. For the last decade of her life, my mother lived by prayer. It became the most real and deep focus of her life. Her thirst for prayer turns my thoughts to this from Romi Borel:

The most helpful words of all, to me, come from Paramahansa Yogananda: “To coax Him to give Himself takes steady unceasing zeal. Nobody can teach you that zeal. You have to develop that yourself. … When you have an immense thirst for the Divine, when you will not give undue importance to anything else, then He will come. When your heart-call is intense, when you accept no excuse, then He will come.”[785]

In a paraphrase of Veni Creator Spiritus, translated into English by Rabanus Maurus in the ninth century, the plea is, “Teach us to speak; teach us to hear; yours is the tongue and yours, the ear.” I love that sense that prayer indeed gives us, of being a part of a circle of Creator and created, love and union. We do well to cultivate that thirst for completing the circle of conversation. Those of Q’uo also suggest that prayer is conversation:

We would substitute for prayer the term, “conversation,” for prayer is a word which in your culture has many negative connotations concerning the feelings of lack of faith, lack of confidence, lack of worth and similar shadows. It also is connoted with the concept of the elite, as though some were more able to pray or had more right to pray than others. We would instead call prayer a conversation with infinite intelligence. In this conversation, the seeker speaks his mind as it is given him to do. Infinite intelligence responds in silence and in power; and, free will being observed, destiny moves on, affected to some degree by this interaction. More than this, he who converses with infinity grows more and more full of this energy which is the reflex of this conversation: the silent encouragement of the infinite for the seeker within illusion.[786]

And encouragement there is, which enhances the thirst for the divine that is within us. I believe it is an instinct within humankind to seek its Creator. The urge is so deep that we see all societies of whatever level of civilization practicing prayer and meditation, contemplation and devotion. 131 talks about this thirst:

It seems like learning to pray and to not pray in a harmful manner is a critical thing. I think of my own anger and how upset I get with my partner sometimes, or how I curse something that is disturbing me. That cursing is a form of prayer, I think, and I really wish I could get a handle on it. And I know it’s all tied up with faith and forgiving. If I was living a life of faith, I would have greater patience about things that bug me now. My emotions would not take me for such a ride all the time. Well, something else to work on this year![787]

Of course, 131 is very much living a life of faith. It is just that seldom is such a life a purely calm and reasonable one. A life of faith is just like a worldly life in terms of encountering challenges and going through the suffering and sorrows of life. The difference, and it is a vast one, is in the amount of conscious awareness of spiritual principles in which our attitude is imbued as we go through the challenges and suffering. When we know why we are suffering, when we see the refiner of souls at work in us, we can much more easily accept the difficulties that come our way. When we do not fear the suffering, we are far more able to use resources like prayer and meditation to clarify and balance our feelings. It truly is a powerful act of will to disengage the mind from burrowing ever deeper into worry and fear, and moving it into remembrance of the divine. Prayer is remembrance. It is an act of will in which we ask ourselves to turn our attention to the Creator and our relationship with It, and to see the rest of life from that perspective. Those of Q’uo say:

It is seemingly merely working with details to get down to basics, to decide which chair to use or what time of day to make for prayer time, yet these down-to-earth details truly do aid in the formation of faith. Now, prayer could be said to be that tune which, though unheard, is the tune of hope. Prayer can be said to be that inner flower which bears the scent of love. Prayer can be talked about indirectly by speaking of the beauty of a poem or a rose. Prayer is a form of communication whose object is one with its subject. The prayer, in reaching to the infinite Creator, reaches within. The self talking to the greater Self, this is the structure which, seen from the outside, may be said to constitute the house of prayer. The actuality is that that seemingly far away source of unity, which love itself is, lies within, so the journey of prayer is a journey from self to the greater Self within, then circling back to form the unending circle between prayer and prayer that is between the one who prays and the object of prayer.[788]

The house of prayer is a metaphysical temple, but I think it is quite real. I had a vision in early 1992 of the millions of souls on Earth who were, at that moment, doing intercessory prayer for those they did not know, praying for strangers and sufferers everywhere. There were millions of beings praying in that blessed place, and I sensed a great emanation of power coming from their orisons. I was experiencing daily miracles of healing at that time, as I went through rehabilitation from the wheelchair. Those of Q’uo remark:

We would note the absolute beauty of a great portion of your planetary sphere’s inhabitants’ prayers as they rise from the mundane events which cause them into planes of intercession, healing, forgiveness and enlightenment.[789]

The beauty of this house of prayer is in no way violated by the prayers of anger, grief and sorrow that we offer to the Creator. Sometimes, such prayers are quite appropriate. K. Williams says:

I practice my three-part method for recovery from all ill. I pray. And I cry. And I focus my energy in my fourth chakra. Always back, always back to place in me where I am Love. Whatever situation I attend to in my distressed mind, I Love. If I can’t find Love in the situation, can’t find it no matter what, I spread my attention out and draw a circle around the situation, see and feel the Love all around that, and then it can’t help but soak into the circle that I did find unlovable.[790]

If we are worrying or experiencing other negative emotions, prayer is a very useful reflex thought:

Worry is disorganized and random prayer. The deepest inner dialogue is with the great Self that overarches and undergirds all that is. Worries and fears not only stew and seethe within the mind, they also register with the infinite One as cries of distress. However, the energy used in worrying is tangled and mazed and the Creator, although reaching within always to comfort, simply cannot move through that tangle that has stopped the inner hearing, the inner vision, the inner sensing, of that peaceful, creative and wise Self. Thusly, when the seeker sees itself in a muddle, worrying and fretting, we suggest that one resource that may aid is the memory, the remembrance of the fact that one who worries may also be one who prays and enters into conversation with the infinite Creator, that greater Self of which each is an ineffable and unique portion.[791]

One such right use of the power of this resource is intercessory prayer. This is praying for the health of others. I believe the key to this healing type of prayer is to see the person that, in the eyes of the world, is ill as a perfect being. On the level of the form-maker body which controls, at the metaphysical level, the physical body, this is quite true. That form-maker body remains perfect. What intercessory prayer does is reaffirm the ascendancy of the perfection of the metaphysical and higher energy body over the more illusory imperfect one of the physical body. One technique I have used a lot is to ask that infinite light be flooded over my visualization of the person’s body, not just the physical complex but the whole mind, body and spirit complexes which together create our bodily, emotional and mental health. They are inextricably intertwined, so we need to deal with them all when we pray for healing. Another technique of intercession is described by those of Q’uo:

As you pray and seek to intercede or call for another’s intercession on behalf of one whom you feel is in need, you ask that the power of love to move freely be restored in an area where it has been blocked. As you are more in touch or in tune with this power of love within your own life pattern, you are able to appreciate and manifest this power in your own life pattern, and to offer a catalyst or way by which love may be offered to others. Engaging in the process which you call prayer is one way in which you may open a door or gateway for another entity, by calling upon individualized portions of love to share their love with the one for whom you intercede or seek intercession. Your own awareness of this process and your own desire to be of service to another are those qualities which enhance the prayerful attitude. As you call upon entities such as Jesus the Christ, various of the saints or archangels, the mother of Jesus known as Mary or any angelic presence, to intercede for another, you are providing the purity and intensity of your own love as a request, a call, which is heard because of the purity and intensity of the presence whom you seek, and this presence hears the call no matter how weak, and responds according to its strength, purity and sincerity.[792]

We are basically praying for the truth, the higher path, rather than some detail of health. I have seen many miracles in my own parish’s prayer group. If we are being prayed for, if we have asked for prayers, we can increase the energy of these prayers by leaning into the prayer help, trusting that prayer is efficacious:

There is much unseen support for work in consciousness, for prayers, and for a life lived in faith. We ask you to lean into that support. This instrument would call it angelic support and say that there are angels everywhere. Other entities would describe this far differently, but the concept remains the same. There is guidance. There is help, for the Creator is constantly communicating to you using everything: nature, the environment, other people, coincidences. Be alert. Begin to see the spiritually interesting coincidences and you shall be much encouraged thereby.[793]

If we do pray for others, my suggestion is that we keep most of what we do under our hats. Do the work, and then let it go. It is easy when praying for healings to become proud when a healing does occur. This is a temptation to be avoided. It is helpful to look at ourselves in this practice as channels of the Creator’s love. We are offering a place for energy to run through from the more spiritual planes and out into the Earth plane. Any pride garnered thereby is unhelpful to our spiritual growth. Often, the best configuration for intercessory prayer is anonymity, so we can do our work and then forget about it. In my church’s prayer group, which I have led since 1983, I am the only group member who is known to the congregation. This frees the other members to pray privately, peacefully. Intercessory prayer is, when done in this manner, a truly selfless act, and very polarizing. 131 says, of prayer in general:

I like what Jesus said about praying in private and not doing it to try to impress anyone. Praying is a totally private thing for me.[794]

The essence of prayer is this selflessness. Now, in a way prayer is selfish, for we are driven to link with the Creator. But in another sense, prayer is an act of complete generosity and surrender. Indeed, the most powerful act of will is an act of surrender of our smaller wills in order to listen for and follow the will of the infinite One. All efforts to bring prayer into our spiritual practice are recommended. Those of Q’uo say:

There is a freedom that comes with the surrender to that higher power, to that attitude that says, “Not my will, but Thine. Teach me Thy ways. I want to know how to fulfill my service to you. Give me a hint. Give me a sign.” Then allowing the time to pass, asking the question, and waiting. There are times when the waiting period is very, very short. There are times when one waits for years. However, always these questions continue to work within you until you have found your way. Fortunately it is in how you meet the conditions of life that the quality of life inheres, not in the events or circumstances themselves.[795]

How true it is that it is our faith, our trusting attitude that what happens to us is just as it should be, and our considered responses to that, rather than the catalyst itself, that is vital within our lives. And prayer help is not usually linear. Mike Korinko shares:

Just about every night I pray that the Creator will give me guidance to find out what it is he wants me to do. No direct answers, as if that is a surprise! But I awoke this morning filled with a love of life that I have not had in a while. It seems a bit corny to talk about the wonders of life I am feeling right now, but what the heck. This is one of those mornings that all is right with the world. Music sounds so much deeper, the cars passing by even have a beauty in the sound they make. It is hard to describe something that is so large, so encompassing. I must say, I have missed this, and I thank the Creator for giving this wonderful gift to me![796]

One instance in which prayer is a ready helper is in the rush of life, when we feel we have been disrespected, whether by someone cutting us off in traffic or a rude conversation with a shopkeeper or acquaintance. A friend of mine tells the story of doing an errand for her mother-in-law, who wanted to purchase a strip belt. This is a gadget consisting of one buckle plus a variety of colors of strips of leather which are tooled to accept the buckle, so that one may have several belts for the price of not much more than one. When she asked a sales person if her shop had any such items, the salesperson told her that she considered such items trashy and tacky, and would not ever sell such junk. Georgine felt discomfited by this demeaning opinion and retired to her car with hurt feelings. But like the minister that she is, it quickly occurred to her to turn her scraped feelings into the realization that this person must indeed be miserable to be so very irritable and rude, and that such a person clearly needed prayer help, not anger. She began to pray, and the waters of forgiveness and comfort commenced to rain down. Those of Q’uo say:

When the object of anger or sorrow is another, there is a type of meditation or experience this instrument would call prayer, in which prayers are offered for the entity which has been catalyst for this sorrow or anger. Praying for that entity which has harmed you also reorients the deeper mind and biases the deeper mind more towards truth.[797]

In praying, we open ourselves to a union in which we, the Creator and the situation around us at the moment all take on a harmonizing and unifying connection, and in which new ways of seeing are offered. Not the least of things we may see with new eyes is ourselves. This awareness of the consciousness as precious feeds back, and gradually we begin to sense into a self whose deeper nature is increasingly, and very naturally, prayerful:

I’ve noticed myself lapsing into prayer at very odd times of the day just because I am suddenly aware of who I am. It is enormously comforting.[798]

For those of us who would like help in praying, those of Q’uo offer:

For those who are living in continuous prayer or meditation or are truly attempting to do so, our help is ever present as a kind of keel underlying and strengthening the ability to be stable which each entity has in its seeking. This is perhaps the most used of our ways of communication, and we are not identified as a source other than the self. That is because selves who can receive us in this enspiriting manner think of themselves in a universal way.[799]

Tuning

Tuning is an extension of prayer into everyday living. The mentality behind it is a vision of the world as a place in which it is the play of a benign, wise destiny and a divine energy that create all things happening to us at this sacred moment. When we have begun to believe that our world is such a magical place, a place we can trust to be giving us the appropriate lessons even if they do not seem so at the time, then we may form the desire to respond to the everyday happenings of the world in a more tuned fashion. Do we have to say, “No,” to someone? Those of Q’uo suggest that we take a second to find a way to gentle that voice:

When a situation arises in which the self becomes aware that negative-seeming truth must be told, let there be a calm and quiet peace within. Perhaps even a small prayer may be uttered within, tuning the self toward the light, hoping that within that additional light there will be found ways to tell the truth that will be softer and yet still clearer than the abrupt, “I don’t know,” or, “The answer is no.”[800]

I like to tune to trains and church bells, and to the wind chimes on my porch. When I hear the sound, it reminds me to stop and remember who and Whose I am, and to give thanks for all my blessings. Our 131 finds herself drifting into a natural tuning process even without trying:

I am finding myself, both in and out of meditation, doing things, saying things in my head that are prayerful. And I feel like I am learning something about how to communicate on this level. Or at least there is greater awareness about it. I am “tuning in” in a way I didn’t before, and that seems important.[801]

Tuning could well be seen as tuning in to a more true and deep self. 131 goes on to say:

Catalyst is not the only way change can occur. It can also occur from a more positive standpoint, through pushing one’s standards of excellence and opening more and more to conscious aligning with the Creator’s will. I guess this is something I am just learning about, and I don’t know yet how to do this and still feel the movement inward to deeper and more complex states of being. Maybe I need to work more on offering praise and thanksgiving and working hard during the times that I perceive as positive.[802]

Praise, prayer and thanksgiving are all wonderful tuning devices. Kathy Braden adds:

We create our reality around us moment to moment, choosing the experiences, the mood, the setting and drawing the people and interaction that we seek moment to moment, choosing a focus, a response, an experience to unfold, leaving in our wake unchosen possibilities like alternate aspect realities that may live on in another dimension of place or time.[803]

I enjoy her vision of life as a smorgasbord, a banquet table with so very many things on it that we cannot respond to them all, so we must make our choices of what to praise and lift and enjoy and what to leave behind. I tune a lot in little ways. If the doorbell rings, I pray concerning angels unawares. When the telephone rings, and the unlikely happenstance of my actually answering it occurs, I say a small prayer within, before getting on the line. (In my dislike of telephones, I generally allow the telephone answering device to screen my calls.) My husband and I start and end the day together, holding hands and saying the Lord’s Prayer. I thank and praise my automobile before we leave the garage and alert my car angel, and when I am working with my plants, I am always talking with them, moving more and more into the energy of Earth that they and I share so symphonically. I talk to my meat as I prepare it, thanking the animals for their lives, and praising them, and promising them I will make them their very best as food. I talk no less sympathetically to the broccoli, asparagus and carrots that have been ripped from Mother Earth to fill our stomachs. I offer everything we eat our gratitude and praise, and great thanks for the sustenance and love we are receiving. I see love as a main ingredient in my cooking and gardening; indeed, in much I do day by day. When we see the environment as alive, we begin to realize that every effort we make to tune to it the environment also feels, and reciprocates by tuning to us more and more, until our environment is harmonized and tuned to our special nature, essence and power, and when people come into our space, they feel the magic of it. Hospitality hops to meet them. I enjoy knowing when people are coming, for tuning into the moment before we are with people sharpens our abilities to listen to and appreciate them as souls.

There is a real connection between physical cleanliness and metaphysical purity. We cannot demonstrate the latter very well, being human, but we can physically clean and “tune” our home. A normal house cleaning will suffice. With the conscious thought of preparing the place metaphysically by intention, Don asked those of Ra about this when we were thinking of moving to a new location during the Ra sessions:

Questioner: Would the cleansing by salt and water be necessary for this location then? Or would it be recommended?

Ra: I am Ra. There is the recommended metaphysical cleansing as in any relocation.[804]

By metaphysical cleansing, those of Ra were talking about a ritual of cleansing with salt and water. In this method, salt is dropped in a thin, continuous line across all doorways and windowsills except one in a building, or in the room wished cleansed, and then water is dripped along the line of salt. That one open doorway is guarded, and during the ensuing three days, each who enters must ask permission of the salt to pass before entering. The salt is asked to attract all negative spirits to come live in their crystal houses, and the water seals them in there. After three days, the ritual ends as the hardened salt trails are brushed outside and the place is cleansed. Then the ritual is repeated for the one doorway that was kept open, to complete the cleansing. If we have never done this to our home, we may want to do so, just for that metaphysically clean feeling. But once this has been done, the physical cleaning will well suffice. This tuning of the environment is very reassuring. For a quicker tuning, burn sage in a safe bowl, and walk around the house letting the smoke waft over all the spaces.

The idea of tuning might easily seem wispy and effetely sweet if we do not make it practical and down to earth, for that is where we need to remain, in an everyday mode of mental functioning that allows us to complete our duties and pleasures as we go. I would suggest that a key word in thinking about tuning is “gratitude.” To be grateful for something is not always easy. We have a tendency to take things for granted. If our environments, our relationships, our arrangements are satisfying us, we may not feel particularly grateful about that, but assume that this is what is meant to be. This attitude feeds into a pride of self that is thoughtless and creates a weakness and vulnerability towards change that can be crucially inconvenient. Tuning is often simply finding an attitude of humility and gratitude. It is usually easy to find our gratitude when that environment, relationship and arrangement are indeed pleasant to us and comfortable. It is also very important that we do so, and not waste golden days by failing to thank them for being. I try to stop a dozen times a day just to praise my surroundings and thank the deity for the joy of being here, and having good work to do. I’m just tweaking that tuning. Those of Q’uo say:

Why is this gratitude so powerful? Simply because it is the truth. In truth, everything that occurs to you is a gift. Each situation delivers to you the sisters and brothers of experience: Sister Sorrow, Brother Pain. The list is different for each entity. Brother Anger. Sister Depression. Each spirit will have its own guests that seem to be difficult indeed to be hospitable towards, and yet each of these guests comes with great gifts to give you. There is a natural rebellion against having to see things from such a deep perspective. The mind does not want to move to this level where it can be seen that all things are gifts. The mind wants to distinguish between things. The mind wants to make choices and stack everything in neat and orderly piles: this is that; this is the other; this is something else entirely. But that spark of true self within you is ever ready to spread and illuminate the spirit within, the heart within.[805]

One archetypal motif that is relevant in thinking about tuning the self towards gratitude is the story of the prodigal son/daughter. We like, in the pride of our hearts, to consider ourselves favorite sons and daughters, loved, pampered and cosseted. There is truth here. But in the metaphysical sense, we are also wanderers far from our spiritual home, and we are seeking a way back through this weary world. Casting our experience into these undertones is most illuminating. Those of Q’uo say:

Each of you is a prodigal. Each of you has squandered precious things. Each of you greatly and humbly seeks to return to the house of the Father, to that place of love that is undefiled and pure, for in that state, gratitude is natural and flows effortlessly, and this is a great truth: that each of you is loved deeply, that you are welcomed in spite of any and all failures, and that the Creator does give great thanks for you. Truly, it takes the movement of thought from the little self experienced in everyday to that self that each knows is a truer and deeper self. Gazing at life from the standpoint of the everyday self, there is hardly ever a completely trouble-free or worry-free experience. There is hardly ever a reason to feel completely or profoundly grateful. And yet if one can move back into that prodigal self that is coming home, one may see that all of experience is such that the only response is thankfulness and praise.[806]

Much virtue lies in making confession, in admitting our faults. When we ask ourselves to give thanks, sometimes the only thing keeping us from that exercise is our faults. When something is keeping us from looking for ways to generate optimism and hope, we may fruitfully look within for pride, anger and other unbalanced emotions that are removing from us our ability to process the infinite energy of the Creator well. Joe Koehm encapsulates this advice nicely:

Some friendly advice: give thanks for your blessings every chance you get. That seems to depolarize the negatives for some reason.[807]

Depolarizing the negatives is a good way to talk about one’s shadow self, as well as the thoughts and emotions that side produces for our experience. Tuning to gratitude is not simple work when we are in no way grateful. We cannot write down on our grocery list, “Get gratitude,” and expect to be supplied. We can do one mechanical thing. We can enumerate our woes, and thank the Creator for them. Going over the list and saying thank you for each one can be an eye-opening experience. Try it! Somehow, in the recital of woes and the thanking of the Creator for them, an alchemy takes place, and a bittersweet realization sets in of just what this pattern of suffering indicates about our situation as a soul in the process of evolution. Beyond that, perhaps the best move is to become quiet for a moment, and seek this deeper self within in silence and privacy, as those of Q’uo say:

When entities attempt to feel gratitude they may well feel faith, for gratitude is not that which may be approached head-on with the most effectiveness but, rather, a sense of thankfulness or gratitude comes as a natural efflux or emanation from the soul which is willing to be still and allow the world to find its balance within the self.[808]

Giving thanks sweetens us and makes our energies flow better. It reorients us to what is important to us beyond the next chance to dart out into traffic, or the next chore, or duty. Our habits of constant doing dehumanize us, robotize us until we may have almost no essence of soul that can be sensed. Gratitude and praise bring us back to ourselves, how we feel, who we are, why we are here. We very much need, as those seeking spiritual direction from living, to keep in touch with who we are. We will talk more about tuning when we speak concerning channeling as an outer gift in Chapter Thirteen.

Living In The Moment

When Ram Dass wrote Be Here Now back in the hippie heyday of my youth, he wrote a true classic. Those simple three words, “be here now,” express a truth that penetrates to the reaches of our beings. The worldly person experiences a world with a flat and sturdy Earth on which he stands. Her apprehension of “now” is usually a running awareness of the progress of whatever duty or activity is being accomplished. When the spiritually or artistically oriented temperament opens its eyes to the present moment, that experienced world loses its safe and solid earthen floor and becomes an ocean of unknowable depth and no markers. To the worldly, the present moment is here, then gone, here, then gone, a meaningless noticing of nothing much. To the spiritually awakened mind, the present moment is an infinite kingdom leading directly to eternity, infinity and the experience of the presence of the one Creator. And just how do we go about breaking into this metaphysical present moment? The door to it is not outside of us. The door to the present moment awaits in the heart of our self. It is a profoundly inner door. I have been through that door many times, throughout a mystically lived life, and can report that any effort made to achieve that door’s opening within is to be encouraged, for we may learn thereby a great deal, of a qualitatively different nature than can be learned through linear experience. All of the practices we have spoken of in this chapter help us to tune towards the state of mind that can open this inner door. Those of Q’uo say:

The present moment comes to you and stays with you. It is catching the magic, letting go of the past and of the future that is the trick. How to catch the self on the hinge of the present moment? How to recapture the self from consensus reality?[809]

That question catches the feeling of being taken into bondage by this consensus reality that has so much backing from our enculturated childhoods and the glamour of the social scene shown by the media. Those of Q’uo pull back our point of view to see this consensus reality as no more than a visual aid:

That which you see is as a visual aid explaining you to yourself. And as you enter this season of harvest you know there is service to perform and you wish to be about it, and we say to you that the way to serve the Creator at this time is to open the heart to the present moment and practice that precious oneness with the Creator.[810]

Another wanderer, Gypsee, wholeheartedly agrees:

Yes, the present moment, for me, is the only moment that counts, not yesterdays or tomorrows, past or future, just the now. In understanding this and living this way, I find myself always happy and smiling, laughing and singing. I am glad I am alive, and I choose to live![811]

We can try to see into the gestalt of this practice by focusing on the nature of the present moment. Those of Q’uo say:

For each moment is itself, whole and perfect. When one is in the moment, one is not in time. When one becomes even a bit aware of the timeless aspect of the moment there is an almost automatic resonance and a feeling of coming home. And this is accomplished not by adding more focus or adding more attention or finding better ways to meditate, but, rather, it is allowed by the seeker who relaxes into the magic of the timeless present moment. If you are within that present moment you are in meditation, aware of who you are, aware of why you are here.[812]

Relaxing into the magic of the present moment is good advice! It may not be specific, but there is a distinctive feeling indicated, and I encourage us to follow that feeling of relaxing, harmonizing, sensing into the rhythms we share. We can also orient ourselves starting with our own natures, as those of Q’uo suggest:

You are something that is whole and unifying and simple. You are infinite love, infinite light, infinite energy, stepped down and stepped down until you can exist within this particular illusion with this particular kind of physical vehicle, this particular energy shell that we have called the personality. It is as though out of an infinite universe you came through density after density and experience after experience, looking and laughing and gazing and enjoying, and came to this particular planet and said, “Here, I shall plant myself. Here I shall learn to blossom. Here I shall enjoy the sun and feel the rain. Here I shall be born and die.” And you descend through the inner planes, through each level at which you make choices, until you have chosen this body, and this time, and this set of circumstances, and suddenly you are born. And this is the present moment of all times, and this is the place out of all places, and this is the density, and this is the experience. And somehow it seems a miracle that is out of time that has burst upon the Earth like a sun. This is you. This is here. And this is now.[813]

Somehow, reading this, we can be struck anew by the miracle of our actually being here, together, right now, puzzling all this out and enjoying the party. We have come a long way to be here and experience just exactly this. Which brings us right back to “be here now.” Fiona Forsythe says:

The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present moment, to appreciate it fully, and give thanks. The peace and beauty are available now. It is not a matter of faith; it is a matter of life long practice.[814]

If we do not yet have long practice, then it is time to begin. Those of Q’uo give some advice about getting started:

Each of you is aware that it is well to keep the mind’s eye upon the moment which is now. And many are those who feel guilty that they do not spend more of your time in the meditation, contemplation, prayer and simple reading of inspirational material that has been valued by you. “The world,” you say, “is so much with me I cannot do these things which take too much time.” We ask each to release the self from this judgmental frame of mind and to realize, firstly, that there is no physical time to seeking but only the energy of intention and desire; secondly, that this can be called upon at any moment during which you are aware enough of how to judge and discriminate to choose what to look at. This meditation of the moment is not a will-of-the-wisp. It is the dipping into the deep pool of peace in a moment, so that you may turn again and face the illusion without being drowned and overwhelmed by the information pouring in from your senses. Your body’s mind would, if it could, speak only of the illusion. Thusly, it is only by conscious choice of the point of view that you may have the option of looking at what forces shaped the situation at the present moment.[815]

This recalls again that concept of the present moment as having an infinite depth and space and complexity and energy, the moment opening to us like the ocean displaying its depths, its caverns and deeps, for just a second. This is the actual nature of the now: it connects to infinity, and we can swim its waters, even within our human skins.

Synchronicity

Naturally, when we are swimming in the abundant ocean of spiritual awareness, we are able to make connections that those working within linear mind cannot make and would not trust if they were to apprehend. The more we tweak our consciousness using these tools of the mystic mind and of faith, the more moments we will have swimming, happily or astonished, in that cornucopia sea of energy and awareness. What happens when we begin to do this on any sort of habitual basis is a response, a continuing and building response from our environment, from the people around us and from everything we approach. Sometimes, synchronicity works to confirm something we feel we have just learned, or that we feel will be important to us. A good example of this comes from 264:

One night about seven years ago, I was listening to a Ra tape on the tape player in the car. We were going to a metaphysical workshop nearby. Suddenly a car came up fast alongside of us, pulled in front of us, and then pulled out and sped away. The license plate on the car had two letters and three numbers on it. The letters were RA. The numbers were the same numbers as those on the childhood home of my friend. It was this friend who introduced me to the Ra Material and he was in the car with me. We both knew this was a confirmation.[816]

Sometimes an oddity occurs out of nowhere, and we are left to ponder some subjective meaning, as in this example:

I had an odd experience when I filled out the form to order Book Five. When I filled out the address line it changed to “cleanse my soul.” I corrected it and this time it said, “I drink to” with the word “to” ending with the last part of my address. Is this programmed in somehow?[817]

I had to tell her that we had in no way rigged the software to do anything but gather the usual order information! The inadvertently received message was hers alone, as was the strange sentence that we found inserted into the Law Of One material when we received it back from the publisher for its final read-through. A whole sentence had been added in the midst of the text. It read, “For although originally part of Jesus’ teachings, they were censored from all subsequent editions by the Empress.”[818] We are still looking at that one! We do not doubt that there is a message there, we just haven’t gotten it yet. But we keep it in mind as we go, along with many, many other inexplicable events, coincidences and synchronicities that seem to pop up around us like the fireflies of a summer evening, too thick to count. Like the fireflies, they are brief lights, and we notice them in the moment or not at all, at least not until they come around again. I am convinced, after many years of listening to spiritual coincidence, that the Creator believes in repetition! If we do not hear the message the first or second time, we will on the third, the fifth or the seventeenth. The hints keep coming, and the more we believe that and value that, the more we will see of that. Those of Q’uo say:

You will, within your incarnation, discover certain synchronicities, coincidences, the bringing together of information, of entities, of experiences, of shared thoughts and dreams. These will serve as those kinds of directions that will lead, that will nurture, that will inspire and support when the way seems difficult and dark. Look then, especially in your prayerful times, in meditation and those times when you seek from within those answers that are of importance to you.[819]

Certainly, look for synchronicity in quiet times, but do not be surprised to find them jumping out of the everyday moment in the rush of work as well. Bill Klug says:

Look for names that recur, or are mentioned over and over by different sources. If this happens, seek the person out. You might be surprised what information they hold for you. Once I became aware that it was happening, it became obvious, and easy to follow.[820]

This is so of people, and even more so of sources of information, books, web sites, magazine articles and other information media. In the consideration of ethical questions and any other quest for a more harmonious arrangement for some situation, synchronicity will chime in for the ear who can hear:

In the sense of accelerating the process of learning, it is well to work within the self to realize that there is a drift or tendency that can loosely be called destiny, and it is safe, we feel, to say that this destiny is a benign and helpful one, worthy of faith and trust and, to some extent, able to be made visible by the seeker who is willing to listen and feel and intuit and, truly, in each way that you can simply pay attention. For as the way with the Creator is overwhelming, there are signs on every side, synchronicities and coincidences that mount up rapidly when one is paying attention.[821]

If we do a lot of reading in spiritually oriented books, we will see the call to prayer, to meditation, to various kinds of spiritual work, over and over again, and sometimes we can get strangled by the overwhelming feeling of great desire we have to focus in on the spiritual. When we begin to feel jammed and stuck, try letting go of it all. This is a balancing gambit, this surrender of the striving. Firstly, let ourselves come back to our own natural centers and get our metaphysical feet again. Then, simply keep paying attention. We cannot always wring truth out of the cosmos, although we can certainly try! What we can do is a little of this, a little of that, applying the various resources that we have learned through the years, being sure that we are on good ground metaphysically and remaining game and alert. Many days, my spiritual time is spent moving again and again back to center, reaffirming who I am, remembering the deity, and reinvesting my attitude with the basic cheerfulness and joy associated with being at such a good party. All that work may bring me nothing in terms of spiritual fruit, except the good exercise of using discipline with my personality. But I will have spent a lot more of that day in a configuration of mind and heart able to listen to and profit from any coincidences or synchronicities that might turn up. Those of Q’uo caution along the same lines:

In any human terms these attempts to be as the deity are useless. In the metaphysical world, where intention and desire are as real as a chair or a person, such seeking is effective and as the seeker persists in seeking this vibration, the seeker begins to experience more and more spiritually-based coincidence or synchronicity, which acts as a kind of feedback, letting the seeker know that it is cooperating with its destiny and has begun to accelerate the rate of its spiritual evolution.[822]

Look at synchronicities as hints and murmurs from spirit, and sense into them. We will find that as we pay more attention, our attention shall increasingly be rewarded with information intuitive in nature and connections, and rich in implications. Spirit also seems to have a wonderful sense of humor, although at times it does seem full of dry wit! One last thing to say about synchronicity: when we gather in groups for any length of time, and when the members of the group are all spiritually seeking, the synchronicities mount in exponential fashion:

The reason that synchronicity seems to occur more in groups is simply that as more and more entities who are spiritually awake come together, each individual’s path being synchronous with its own destiny, when the group joins and shares its thoughts and experiences, the commonality of synchronicities becomes remarkable.[823]

Chapter Twelve: Applied Spiritual Sciences

Faith

Faith, that opulent syllable, has come to be a buzz word, a gnat, a distraction, an irritant to many. The challenge is to retrieve this word and this cluster of concept from the nearly graveyard conditions of sentiment and cliché into which it has fallen through its overuse. For in several ways, faith is absolutely central to the lessons of this school of Earthly life. In this chapter, I would like to speak of faith as an acquired attitude and habit. Not all of us are born with the gift of faith. Not all of us are rosy optimists. Even with my innate gifts of hope and faith, I still have a marked, incarnation-long tendency to speculate on worst-case scenarios rather than instinctually abiding in faith that all is well, and all will be well. Every day, and sometimes every hour, I find myself trying to replace fear with faith in my practice. It is a very simple concept, as those of Q’uo say:

Entities may come together in the mid-air of absolute faith; not the faith that says, “I believe this and this and this,” but the faith that trusts and believes that all is as it should be, all is truly well. This quality of faith survives war, disease, loss, limitation, death and the myriad other ills facing one in physical body form.[824]

The worse things look in terms of the outer situation, the more important it is for us to invoke faith, for faith, that sense that all truly is well, that this all makes a kind of sense that will come clear to us, clarifies our mental processes and helps us to attend to the nuances of what is occurring. Each faith-filled practice discussed in this chapter offers a way in which we can use our waking and ordinary consciousnesses to transcend itself by enlarging our attitude to one which sees the larger spiritual perspective in which the whole universe is speaking to us as a living and communicative being working to harmonize its body, of which we are a part. Faith is the basis for doing this kind of conscious work, such as visualization or reading the newspaper as a spiritual practice. Knowing by faith that this is all going to make sense and mean something at a later time helps that process to accelerate; indeed, helps create that occurring. People in love with the idea of perfect faith, myself included, tend to feel that this acting “as if” faith is real, as a way of having faith become real, might well be less than what faith should be. However, I feel that it is by assuming a faithful attitude that we gradually learn the art and science of living a faithful life.

Allow little seeds of faith to grow in your garden of thought. Invoke faith without knowing that it is reasonable to do so. Live as though you had perfect faith, that your destiny will come to you and all that is for you will simply be attracted to you as it is time for it to appear. Live as though it were true and notice those subjectively interesting hints and suspicions and suggestions and synchronicities that say to you, “Yes, you are on the right track.” Each of you will have various experiences that, for you, grow to be the signal for, “Yes, you have got it right. Yes, this is what you should be doing.” And you will find greater and greater satisfaction in these subjectively interesting coincidences.[825]

Note that as we learn more about various spiritual practices and techniques, we see them intertwine, so that discussion of faith calls up prayer, meditation and synchronicity. Perhaps my favorite quote from our Confederation archives on faith is this from those of Hatonn:

One who lives in faith stands with a light that is bright that others may see. It is a kind of public undressing of the self, metaphysically speaking, to live a life in faith, for when one who is faithful perceives that, in the midst of the confusion of mundane living, there is a spiritual principle which must needs be upheld in order to be faithful, one must then abandon so-called human wisdom and express foolishly faith that appearances are deceiving, and that all is truly well. The essence of faith is the simple feeling that all will be well, and all is well.[826]

I identify with that nakedness of the self. In 1988, I was asked to give a symposium on my book, A Channeling Handbook. Jim and I went to Chicago and gave it over a two day period. I am not a clever speaker. I simply went through what that book had to say and we worked on each concept cluster. The general opinion among the members was that it was a boring presentation. Not enough interest holders, just one thought after another. One of those who had been bored frankly said so, and then totally disarmed me by saying that in our meditation she had a flash of me as a woman who had stood naked before them. She then realized that was my real gift for her. I think that is what I hope for in terms of my presence as a writer within this handbook, that I may stand naked and utterly imperfect before the reader and be just who I am, and therefore transparent to the material offered and the concepts discussed. When we live by faith, we are releasing control and defense, we are removing armor that would keep us from the rhythms of ever-present destiny. Living by faith is something about which many wanderers have written to me. 292 says:

Throughout, I had an intense desire to know truth, and a faith in a divine order, which sort of fed me and gave me optimism and hope. There was a strong sense of struggle and anxiety but always an intense desire to know truth and a strong faith in the reality of it existing somehow, somewhere. Even though there was this urge to acquire information, a part of me knew it wasn’t so important to acquire knowledge or to do particular things as it was to live the truth of my being, which I could find through seeking God. I wanted very much to LOVE. I’m so thankful for my faith. It has been my most precious possession over the years. I wonder: was my faith a “given” for me in this life? Is it a chance that a wanderer takes, to risk losing one’s faith? Can one fortify one’s faith to such an extent preincarnatively that there is a momentum? Or is it all dependent on experience and the resultant skill at choosing while in the illusion? Even with preincarnative preparation or determination, is it largely a matter of raw experience that must be undergone? I am extremely grateful for faith and also for my desire to seek God, because it gave me optimism and hope through valleys of shadows.[827]

The answer to her question is that we cannot count on bringing that gift of faith through, and even if we do to some extent remember that attitude, it tends to fail us when the pace of catalyst gets over-brisk. Living in faith is an applied science or art, rather than something we get and then have forever. Cyclically, we will revisit unfaith and all the varieties of fear to which our nature is prone, and the choice to live by fear or faith is again given. Astria says:

What advice I’d give others? I don’t really know. Many times I have dived in the water and still could not swim. But I kept diving in. I never thought of myself as fearless, but I guess I have been. I trusted in spirit implicitly. It hasn’t been easy. I’m quite strong willed.[828]

Being firm of will helps in remembering to invoke faith. And Laura’s comment reminds me of the parable of the mustard seed:

You see, I always had faith. It was pretty tiny in the beginning and I did not ask for much. But, sure enough, God gave me what I needed. And it has been ongoing.[829]

That’s the key: persistence in effort! Part of living in faith is sheer longevity of trying. Sometimes we are in the desert, and can only remember faithful moments. Persistence of effort requires that we have faith in those memories. The oasis eventually comes, and faith pours like water from a bottomless well once again. And for a while, there is no effort to faith at all. However, there tends to be more desert than oasis in our spiritual topography as well as in our planet’s arrangements. Those of Q’uo say:

Keep in mind that it is faith that you are attempting to express in your life and in your being. Faith does not make sense. Faith gives one no avenue to pride. Faith seems to be the slenderest of all reeds to cling to, and yet the soul who lives by faith, the spirit who clings to faith, the one who refuses to let it go is that spirit which shall achieve advances in polarity, and this is an achievement that redounds not to the incarnational self alone but to the eternal and infinite self.[830]

Although faith makes no earthly sense, there is spiritual logic to it. Affirming that all is well, especially when things look the opposite to us, aligns our beings with the most smooth flow of cooperation with the destiny that is at work for us in the present moment. Those of Hatonn put it this way:

The faculty of hope, of faith, of wishing, of dreaming, is one of the most powerful resources of your mind, and it alerts your entire being so that what you call your future is designed again and again.[831]

“All is well.” That is the tolling of the bell of faith:

Above all let not your heart be troubled. This is under your conscious control, if you choose to claim the mastery over the self. Work when you can towards that point of balance within which you are able to see clearly, not removing yourselves from the thick of things, but rather bringing into the thick of things that sacred aspect, that relationship with the Creator within.[832]

When we are in conditions which cause us to think scatological thoughts, letting our hearts not be troubled may well demand a profound act of will. Yet it remains a sound practice, a worthy repository of any needed effort, for there is a paradise close at hand:

To the Creator, you are always in a paradise, but each of you is in an illusion which decries the apparent inaccuracy of our previous statement, and it is only by faith that you may feel that love, that acceptance, that forgiveness and that support. It is only by faith that you may continue standing when you feel that life has cut you off at the knees. It is only by faith that you can stay alive when you feel that your life is not worth the living.[833]

My longest walk in the desert with only memories of faith was a six year trek. It was substantially arid for me in the years following Don Elkins’ death. I felt cut off at the knees; indeed, I was literally crippled, eventually, existing in a reclining, home-bound condition for several years and coming very close to death. The sign I placed before my eyes was simple: “FAITH; THE FINAL FRONTIER.” I witness to the efficacy of insisting on being a fool for faith. Those of Laitos say:

To make the leap of faith, as it has been called, to be the fool for the Creator, to seek what is most popularly known as foolishness instead of seeking personal power and glory and riches, this is indeed appreciated. For in your vibration, all of the signs point the other way, if you can distract yourself enough. It is only when you have stopped distracting yourself with the things that man has made and the walls that man has put up against man that you can see the creation at work and the laws of the creation in practice, and thus have an inner feeling that to be a fool, to seek the truth, may have the most important basis of all in your thinking, that of an inner feeling of rightness.[834]

The inner feeling of rightness that calling on faith invokes is a most healing thing. It cannot easily be transferred to another soul but subjectively, for the self alone, it can be a powerful balm, a resumption of that inner feeling of being whole and entire:

Know yourself to be whole, to be complete, and to be unified beyond all harmonization. This knowledge, this faith of wholeness creates the atmosphere within which the evolution of the spirit is accelerated. The result of this meditation, or prayer, or contemplation, may manifest in many ways: healing, loving, a channeling. There are so many gifts, most of them quite unappreciated, such as the mothering, the parenting in general, the chores, the cooking, the cleaning, the driving. Each activity done by the whole self becomes a devotion, and the practicing of the presence of the infinite Creator becomes constant.[835]

That feeling that we are, in our ordinary lives, practicing the presence of the Creator, is what the invocation of faith most centrally concerns. For clearly, life often makes no apparent sense. It seldom seems sacred to the outward gaze. And we suffer terribly, all of us. Where is the Creator in all of that? Yet by faith, we can say that the Creator is right here, in the midst of the mess! Those of Q’uo say:

The suffering, the ordeal of living, is specifically designed to grab the attention of the intellectual mind and then proceed to baffle it so thoroughly and completely that the intellectual mind gives up, and the thrust of inquiry moves to the heart. In the heart lies that beingness which gazes at this experience of third-density illusion and chooses, in faith alone, to be a part of the love; the good, if you will; of the personal, societal, planetary mind.[836]

If we know ourselves to be a part of the good, we can rest easy, even if our roof is the starry sky:

Sometimes the weary traveler will lay his head upon a pillow of sod and sleep beneath the stars because sometimes faith does not produce that which one hopes or expects. It is then that faith is truly blind and truly necessary. It is in the face of apparent unkindness from the universe, from those about you, from those close to you, that you may rely most heavily upon the blindness of love.[837]

“We live by faith and not by sight,” goes the opening line of one of my favorite hymns. And how thankful we are to have that sturdy habit to rely upon in the inevitable times of need. As those of Q’uo say:

When you seek to find the way that is for you, we might suggest that your first activity might be to affirm that you live in utter faith, that there is a way for you that is prepared. You do not know what it is, but you can ask in meditation and in prayer for that awareness to come to you.[838]

It would seem to the intellectual mind that the way to solve a tangle would be to think about it until a solution comes. However, in living, often the tangle is set in a way that defies reason and does not yield to logical thought. It is a tangle designed to be ineluctably stuck in one configuration in order to provide certain catalyst. Those of Q’uo suggest that focusing our minds on problems like this is not the skilful way:

The one who fears and worries will grow closer and closer to the difficulty that is being perceived within. The person who is not fearing does not hold on to the circumstance or piece of thought or programming which is or is not causing fear. Can you see how the tendency to focus on a problem simply moves you closer and closer to a surety that there is indeed a problem? The faith and will grow smaller, and the problem or difficulty grows larger. The seeker ends up feeling helpless and discontent. The fearless entity moves along and turns the attention to each thing before it, accepting it.[839]

Accepting an unacceptable situation is a real challenge. Living by faith is a very authentic challenge indeed! But it does simplify our lives. It is not that we lack free will, say those of Q’uo, but rather that we have a latitude in how we cooperate with destiny. Certain lessons are fixed by us before we begin this incarnation, and we need to experience certain material. How we respond to this catalyst is the area of our power and sway. Invoking faith simplifies moving rhythmically with our destiny:

We are not saying that there is one fate for each entity, for it is our understanding that each has free will and that each must, of her own free will, choose service to others or service to self. Rather, it is a question of whether you wish to go a straight route or a roundabout route. If there is control attempted in a working pattern, that will change the pattern. The more faith that one is able to express in the moment-to-moment rhythm, the more gently one may meet the unfolding of your particular story, and the shorter will be that moment of centering the self within that identity of being.[840]

Blessed indeed is the seeker who is able to come to this moment! For most of us, such times of automatic rightness will happen only occasionally, but we can tend towards faith over time by persistently calling upon it. 001 says:

I am finding that, whereas love is something that has been inadequate to deal with the situations I have faced, it has been faith, even manifested as what I have often viewed as dogged persistence or determined stupidity in many cases: just a refusal either to give up, or to yield to despair, in spite of there being no rewards, nor any real interest in the goal achieved.[841]

131 puts it more gently:

I will work on this thing called faith and not assume that anything is going to happen very quickly. Decades, you say. Well, I can deal with that. I will persist and I will wait, whatever it takes to get there. It is too important to not do whatever is necessary to make it happen.[842]

It is most important to pursue faith, and this, in turn, will develop our powers of discrimination and truth:

Sometimes, balance is never restored within the seeker, who then, as it is said, loses faith and never consciously returns to a path of seeking. For the undaunted, however, those who continue on the path despite their feelings of disillusionment, discouragement, despair, anger, pain and confusion, balance is eventually restored; and the seeker begins to realize that truths, like faith, are not objective but subjective. As this concept is assimilated, more and more, the seeker continues on its journey, developing more and more surely the ability to discern those truths which have the greatest degree of congruency for itself, at that particular time. The capacity of faith is also further developed as a part of the same process; so that the seeker rests comfortably with the truth it finds.[843]

What is this thing we call faith, that we grab out of nothing and choose to believe in? Why does this work so well? I feel that it is because when we invoke and live by faith, we are moving into that part of our nature which contains the deity: our inner selves, our deep hearts. Those of Ra equal faith to intelligent infinity itself:

Questioner: I am reminded of the statement—approximately—that if you had faith to move a mountain, the mountain would move. This seems to be approximately what you were saying. That if you are fully aware of the Law of One, you would be able to do these things. Is that correct?

Ra: I am Ra. The vibratory distortion of sound, faith, is perhaps one of the stumbling blocks between those of what we may call the infinite path and those of the finite proving/understanding. You are precisely correct in your understanding of the congruency of faith and intelligent infinity; however, one is a spiritual term, the other more acceptable perhaps to the conceptual framework distortions of those who seek with measure and pen.[844]

Intelligent infinity is the one infinite Creator itself. This presence waits within our hearts. We are only a thought away from tabernacling with the Creator in the sanctity of our own deepest hearts. It is a choice much preferable to spending time worrying and fussing within our minds, and it is a choice within our grasp. Very connected with faith and deity is the faculty of hope. Those of Hatonn go into this connection a bit more deeply:

It is easy to confuse hope with faith. Yet faith is blind; faith does not have eyes that see, nor does it need them. Faith is an inner sureness and is an invaluable ally to the spiritual seeker. In no way would we discourage any from the cultivation of the faculty of faith, for it is one of the great tools of learning available to you upon the spiritual path. Yet there are situations in which a focused vision has its place and is far more effective than blind faith. That faculty is hope. Hope is the development of faith upon a specific area of intent or interest so that there is a vision which is developed which affirms all that is best in a situation, all that is requisite in an outcome.[845]

Moving forward with this idea in one way leads us to specific affirmations or visualizations, which are a spiritual practice discussed later in this chapter. Many are the situations in which I have felt a fixed hope in some measure of an outcome, especially when it comes to praying for the healing of those who suffer. It is a very worthwhile faculty. However, it can easily be carried too far, for we do not truly know what the best outcome is in terms of the spiritual values of a certain situation or condition. And so our growing commitment to the discipline of our desire to the surrender to faith is central. Those of Q’uo share:

How can one access the spirit? One desires. All entities desire. This is the process of choosing. But what an entity desires is as various as the four winds until faith is invoked by will.[846]

Faith is a conscious choice, and to some extent it does involve the surrender of the personal will and desire, and an adoption of a larger viewpoint:

When one faces that choice which seems to be the fork in the road, it is especially worth considering to move into this place of asking and dedication of self both individually and as a group, for you see, the attempt to desire well is that which is done by faith alone. The attempt as a group is also done by faith alone, and entities which converse consciously may not be aware of the power and utility of conversation in the silence of the tabernacle of asking and dedication, for no words are spoken, only, “What is your will?” and, “I am your servant, send me.”[847]

My husband and I pray that prayer of surrender each day of our lives, asking to be shown the paths that have been prepared for us to walk in today. Sometimes we do not like the resulting occurrences that ensue. Sometimes we are tired, and sometimes we must rest. But still we pray that prayer, and live by faith, to the extent we are able, to translate intention and desire into practice. I encourage each seeker to avail herself of that powerful agent of comfort and clarification of a life lived in blind faith. For truly, I feel we are those guided well if we but straighten out our tangled emotions enough to attend to the unfolding of our own stories. Invoking faith in our times of confusion is an authentically and profoundly powerful activating agent within our hearts, a bringing up into conscious living of the way the Creator works within us and within the entire universe. Faith is the cleft in the rock. May we abide there whenever we are uncomfortable and weary of confusion. May our every doubt and fear find its end in faith.

Visualization

One way to work with the mind and the will to rebuild and heal the self is visualization. Those of Q’uo say:

The steady visualization of an electrifying image in order to evoke its wondrous energies is the purpose of many positively oriented magical rituals. The steady visualization may be of any object. However we suggest that the visualization object be an object which is, indeed, electrifying and exciting, evocative of all that is best and highest in the life experience thus far. The meditation is held in visualization of one image until the mind becomes fatigued.[848]

The magical type of visualization, as well as any visualization, has at its heart a belief in the “magic” of thought, faith and will. Having done several different kinds of visualization myself, I feel that it is a powerful exercise, and one that greatly improves with practice for anyone, even someone who, like myself, does not find three-dimensional visualization an easy thing at all. When Don Elkins was asking those of Ra about the technique of visualization, he was asking in the context of our doing a magical ritual that we took from the book, The Magician: His Training And Work, which is called the “The Banishing Ritual Of The Lesser Pentagram,” or “The Preparation Of The Place.”[849] That is why Don and Ra speak of the adept in the quote below: the ritual is meant to be practiced by far more trained and skilled adepts than we were, but we felt that we needed to protect the place where we held the sessions with those of Ra, and so we attempted to do the words and visualizations of this ritual some small justice. Certainly our hearts were true. Don asked:

Questioner: How does the ability to hold visual images in mind allow the adept to do polarization in consciousness without external action?

Ra: I am Ra. This is not a simple query, for the adept is one which will go beyond the green-ray which signals entry into harvestability. The adept will not simply be tapping into intelligent energy as a means of readiness for harvest but tapping into both intelligent energy and intelligent infinity for the purpose of transmuting planetary harvestability and consciousness. The means of this working lie within. The key is first, silence, and secondly, singleness of thought. Thusly, a visualization which can be held steady to the inward eye for several of your minutes, as you measure time, will signal the adept’s increase in singleness of thought. This singleness of thought then can be used by the positive adept to work in group ritual visualizations for the raising of positive energy, by negative adepts for the increase in personal power.[850]

There are several good points here. Firstly, this and all these applied spiritual sciences of this chapter are examples of techniques which are moving among the top four chakras, the green, blue, indigo and violet. To do this kind of work, it is well to clear the chakra system first and to make sure especially that the lower chakras are clear and full power is coming through the heart chakra, the green ray.

Secondly, those of Ra say that the keys to visualization are silence and focus. Visualization is done within a meditative state of mind. Once the object of visualization is chosen, we need a singleness of mind that is able to focus on that image until we are satisfied that the visualization has been completed.

Thirdly, we can see the working of polarity in the Ra’s distinction between the way service to others and service to self would properly use visualization. When we consider visualizing, ask ourselves if our object is to raise positive energy or to attain some private desire. Love spells and the like are service-to-self visualizations and I do not at all recommend them for positively oriented seekers. Don continues the questioning:

Questioner: Can you tell me what the adept, after being able to hold the image for several minutes, does to affect planetary consciousness or affect positive polarity?

Ra: I am Ra. When the positive adept touches intelligent infinity from within, this is the most powerful of connections for it is the connection of the whole mind/body/spirit complex microcosm with the macrocosm. This connection enables the, shall we say, green-ray true color in time/space to manifest in your space/time. In green ray thoughts are beings. In your illusion this is normally not so. The adepts then become living channels for love and light and are able to channel this radiance directly into the planetary web of energy nexi. The ritual will always end by the grounding of this energy in praise and thanksgiving and the release of this energy into the planetary whole.[851]

This thought, that in green ray, thoughts are things, is a key to how visualization works, metaphysically speaking. In visualizing or affirming an image as real, we are choosing to see the perfect thought or form-maker rather than the outer form. It is also noteworthy and well to follow the Ra’s instruction to end each visualization with the grounding of the work in praise and thanksgiving, and a releasing of the energy collected during it to the Creator. We as beings do not need to hoard energy. We have infinite energy running through us. It is negatively oriented entities that are interested in the collection and maintenance of power. A visualization is done and then released, not held in the conscious mind. The technique in general is to hold an image for longer than just a moment, and gradually to increase the length of time we are able to hold an image in our minds. Those of Q’uo say:

Some entities prefer visualizations which are static; others, those which flow. Whichever the seeker chooses, we recommend the object be simple; that is, if a specific object is chosen, let it be a colored object, for instance a blue circle, or a red square, or a rose. One object. Demand of the self that it continually visualize this for, say, one of your minutes to begin with. At two week intervals, if the visualization is going well, begin to lengthen that time of gazing within at that visualized object. If the preference is for a flowing visualization, let it be that of watching the waves upon the shore, or the clouds rolling past, or the gazing out at the passing countryside as though one were on a train, or in a small airplane within which one may look out and see the countryside. The time constraints are the same. This is difficult work. However, it has often had good results for those who are persistent.[852]

Ah, the virtue of simple persistence! It cannot be overrated. But when should we choose to do visualizations? Following the previous advice that the lower chakras need to be cleared, it would logically fall that when we are upset is not the time for this practice:

Only damage can be done by the application of rational intelligence to a situation which has not yet become susceptible to rational thought. In this circumstance, the appropriate frame of mind or attitude would be prayerful affirmation. That is to say that any storm cloud of difficulty not directly impinging upon one can, with good results, be placed in the heart, be taken into meditation and be contemplated with affirmative visualizations.[853]

Wait until the situation is not directly impinging on us before we settle down to work with affirmation and visualization on it! Then, when we are clearer and more balanced within, we can revisit this situation in our minds, construct our visualization in line with what our desires are for the situation’s outcome, and offer them. We can continue in this practice until we start to feel the changes we have been hoping for starting to occur. Then we need, once again, to refrain from spiritual techniques and just ride out the process of transformation until we find our next quiet spot and are able to regroup. Those of Q’uo say:

When doing work in consciousness, you have a certain amount of spiritual mass which has a certain amount of momentum. When change is desired, prayed and asked for, visualized and preparations made, then there is a very graceful moment available when the realization may come that the spiritual visualization preceding change has been completed, and now the spirit, along with the conscious self in incarnation, must hang on for a bumpy ride, for there will be the braking to overcome momentum, the proper shift in direction which takes several adjustments, and then the process [of] gradual addition of power to the direction so that the pace is accelerated once again. The one who attempts to wrest change too quickly is doing work against the self and subverting his own spiritual, purified desires.[854]

Magical Visualizations

In asking about visualization, Don received from those of Ra a good introductory statement concerning techniques of visualization:

The type of meditation which may be called visualization has as its goal not that which is contained in the meditation itself. Visualization is the tool of the adept. Those who learn to hold visual images in mind are developing an inner concentrative power that can transcend boredom and discomfort. When this ability has become crystallized in an adept the adept may then do polarizing in consciousness without external action which can effect the planetary consciousness. This is the reason for the existence of the so-called White Magician. Only those wishing to pursue the conscious raising of planetary vibration will find visualization to be a particularly satisfying type of meditation.[855]

Those of Ra are talking about magical visualization, which is a rather dry thing, to begin with, consisting of imaging in the mind a shape and color, like a red triangle or a blue circle, that has no innate context or content. Magical visualization is a mind trainer. The Ra say:

The visualization of simple shapes and colors which have no innate inspirational quality to the entity form the basis for what you may call your magical traditions. Whether you image the rose or the circle is not important. However, it is suggested that one or the other path towards visualization be chosen in order to exercise this faculty. This is due to the careful arrangement of shapes and colors which have been described as visualizations by those steeped in the magical tradition.[856]

Since the visualizations themselves are somewhat mechanical at first, consisting of simple shapes and colors in an attempt to teach focus to the mind and discipline to the will, it is well to remember that the foundation of all the work is love itself. The magician is a channel of a kind, an instrument through which energy flows. When the magician has progressed beyond these simple workings to more complex rituals, she will need to see many images, colors, smells, textures and details sharply, specifically and in a certain pattern and progression, but she is still essentially a channel for energy, as those of Ra say. Note that the “invocation” to which they refer is the Banishing Ritual:

Questioner: It would seem to me that the visualization of the invocation would be dependent upon what the use was to be of the light. The use could be for healing, communication, or for the general awareness of the creation and the Creator. Would you please speak on this process and my correctness in making this assumption?

Ra: I am Ra. We shall offer some thoughts though it is doubtful that we may exhaust this subject. Each visualization, regardless of the point of the working, begins with some work within the indigo-ray. From this beginning light may be invoked for communication or for healing.

We would further note a point which is both subtile and of some interest. The upward spiraling light developed in its path by the will, and ultimately reaching an high place of mating with the inward fire of the One Creator, still is only preparation for the work upon the mind/body/spirit which may be done by the adept. There is some crystallization of the energy centers used during each working so that the magician becomes more and more that which it seeks.

More importantly, the time/space mind/body/spirit analog, which is evoked as the magical personality, has its only opportunity to gain rapidly from the experience of the catalytic action available to the third-density space/time mind/body/spirit. Thus the adept is aiding the Creator greatly by offering great catalyst to a greater portion of the creation which is identified as the mind/body/spirit totality of an entity.[857]

This thought that the magician is attempting to become, more and more, that which he seeks, is a key. We are, in the outer sense, mere humans, vitally imperfect, doing imperfect work in consciousness. In the metaphysical sense, we are as crystals who have chosen to align themselves with certain thoughts, emotions and ideals, and to allow them, in a purified state, to vibrate through us and out into the world. A good little book for those who wish to work with this magical type of visualization is The Art And Meaning Of Magic, by Israel Regardie.[858] It contains vivid pictures of the shapes and colors with which to start practicing visualization, and a good dissertation on the concepts behind this way of beginning. Ritual magic is a serious and well respected tradition in the occident, one which requires an immense dedication that lasts the life long. If there is an attraction, I advise careful and long thought on the sacrifices involved, for this is one technique or practice that is not a particularly good idea to take up lightly, or for a while. There is too much tradition and power there.

Religious Visualization

This school of visualization has as its foundation the outfiguring of the Mass, the Holy Eucharist. Especially in the Roman Catholic and Episcopal Churches, where the body of Christ is seen to come into the actual, earthly wafers of blessed bread and chalices of wine shared at the altar rail, the ritual of communion evokes the presence in physical form of Christ Himself. This belief, called transubstantiation, is a powerful tenet which specifically brings spirit into flesh at every Eucharist. The sacrifice of Christ’s love cannot be seen more clearly than this, and the impact is tremendous for myself, and many others who cherish this part of the belief system of the Christian church. The evocation of Christ’s presence is done in the classical western magical tradition, and the language of this rite has not changed substantially for centuries, except to be translated into the native tongues of everyone, almost, on Earth. This rite can fruitfully be studied for magical principles. When the Mass is offered by the Priest, the language alerts untold generations of faithful Christians abiding in the inner planes between incarnations, and angelic essences that have empowered prayer since the Mass began, and the spiritual energy generated is indescribably bright. Although its strength is filtered somewhat by the surrounding resistance of many worshipers who are not sincere, which is less often the case in the white magical tradition outside the church, its sheer numbers of believing practitioners makes it perhaps the most impressive single magical ritual the world has ever known.

However, through the centuries, the personal meditations of priestly and lay persons alike have tended more towards simpler visualizations than the entirety of the Mass. Perhaps the most well-known religious visualization which takes its scent from the magical tradition is the rose. As a sublime example of beauty, it is peerless. Any bloom can be so visualized as an object of perfect beauty, harmony or peace. I have meditated often upon the cross of Christ, of Mary, mother of Jesus, talking to the angel at the Annunciation, or standing at the foot of the cross, of the angel waiting inside the tomb. I have gazed long at angels winging across the chancel of my parish church, and sat with Christ at the last supper.

I’ve also found a lot of strength in visualizing nature, whether the forest, the ocean, walking through creeks and fields or riding the clouds. These images evoke for me deep rivers of purified emotion, built up over years and years of sitting with these images. All cultural and religious mythological systems have these seed thoughts which can be used to great effect. What we are doing by visualizing in this manner is aligning ourselves with certain portions of our archetypal mind and the energy that these areas hold within our system of bodies. There is tremendous and primal spiritual power in images. Those of Ra suggest that the seeker choose either the visualization of abstract colors and shapes, or the more religious type of visual images, rather than switching back and forth:

Questioner: Can you mention some exercises for helping to increase the attention span?

Ra: I am Ra. Such exercises are common among the many mystical traditions of your entities. The visualization of a shape and color which is of personal inspirational quality to the meditator is the heart of what you would call the religious aspects of this sort of visualization. Whether you image the rose or the circle is not important. However, it is suggested that one or the other path towards visualization be chosen in order to exercise this faculty. This is due to the careful arrangement of shapes and colors which have been described as visualizations by those steeped in the magical tradition.[859]

Again, my conclusion has been to choose the less stringent, freer confines of religious visualization unless we have at least two hours a day to devote to magical training, and hopefully a very good magician for a mentor. For those at work in the rushing, dashing business of living in the world as it is today, this level of time commitment is most often a lovely dream, and I strongly encourage us all to estimate our time and energies well, and not move into waters in which we may get into tides too deep, complex and swift to stay afloat. I am a firm believer in staying within the confines of the ordinary frame of mind, and slowly encouraging that normal frame of mind to shift within the everyday routine until the mind’s vision of the routine itself is sacred. This will take years, but can be done on the run, in moments and minutes we can take as they are available. For the one in a hundred who has the interest and time to devote to the practice of western white ritual magic, by all means, go forward with a full and happy heart. For most of us, that is not a sound idea! I have inadvertently walked a bit in magical ways, and feel a deep respect and awe at the power involved, and the level of subtlety of magical temptation and testing. I am not ready to enter into so swift a process of change. The visualization of the rose, the seascape with the gently rounded horizon suggesting infinity, the peace of the deep forest, these are archetypal images of lesser degree but infinite inspiration, images that lift the spirit and strengthen the mind. Don says to the Ra:

Questioner: As a youth I was trained in the engineering sciences which include the necessity for three-dimensional visualization for the processes of design. Would this be helpful as a foundation for the type of visualization which you are speaking of, or would it be of no value?

Ra: I am Ra. To you, the questioner, this experience was valuable. To a less sensitized entity it would not gain the proper increase of concentrative energy.

Questioner: Then the less sensitized entity should use … What should he use for the proper energy?

Ra: I am Ra. In the less sensitized individual the choosing of personally inspirational images is appropriate whether this inspiration be the rose which is of perfect beauty, the cross which is of perfect sacrifice, the Buddha which is the All-being in One or whatever else may inspire the individual.[860]

This direction to find personally inspiring images really opens the discipline up to the creative seeker. I have had a lot of occasions to bless this sort of visualization, and I hope that each will find it useful. Don was a true mystic, in addition to being a deeply committed scientist, and he could derive discipline and inspiration from visualizing rafters, which was the example he was using with those of Ra, the drawings he had done years ago in drafting class of rafters in a row, one after another, and the cross braces and so forth. It does not do a single thing for me; in fact, I literally cannot do that. I get lost trying to get three dimensions going in my head. Try different things out, and see what suits.

The White Frame Visualization

Sharon Winston shares:

We are often left with the feeling, “Well, I’m only one person, what could I possibly do?” This sentiment was echoed to me out loud in the words of my daughter’s twelve-year-old best friend, and I tried to reply with encouragement that we should envision a peaceful end, to the good of all.[861]

What a good idea! From a student of Silva Mind Control, I learned a type of visualization that has stood me in good stead for all kinds of things, and it has to do with frames, a screen surrounded by either a black or a white frame. The background of this visualization is this: we select a perfect location for inner work, and in our minds, we build our own place of working spiritually. We create a room with all the things in it that we need, and in either this room or a separate room we create a big screen that has three chairs in front of it. When we wish to do spiritual work, after appropriate tuning and meditation, when we have reached a level we deem acceptable for such work, we go in thought to our favorite place, walk into this mentally built house, and visualize sitting down in the middle chair. We declare that we are ready to work. If we like, we may visualize two doors opening on either side of the screen, and the male side of spirit coming to join us from the left door facing us, and the female side of spirit coming in to sit with us from the right-hand door. When I do this visualization, I ask them to sit beside me and I take their hands. Then I activate the screen, and give it the black frame. I bring up the situation I wish to work with, the one which has led me to ask, “What can I possibly do?!” Then I ask for the image to change to the truth, which is absolute perfection. When I have seen the situation as totally perfect, I place a white frame around the screen image, and seal it as the truth. Sometimes, if I am alone, I clap my hands to make the sealing more real to myself. Then I count up to five and remind myself that I am once again in consensus reality, since I tend to go down into meditative states fairly easily. As I said, this works in many situations, and infinitely relieves the mind when there is no physical thing to be done.

The Garbage Out Visualization

Those of Q’uo note that:

The heart puts out a lot of garbage which needs to be placed where it can be removed. Let us say that you have within your heart a curb. Place the can at the curb, and when you feel you have found the dross of some feeling, that which was not fundamentally clear, the wanderer can visualize the action of physically placing those stems and skins of raw emotion into the trash to be removed by time while the precious and pure emotion is filtered into the deep heart that contains purity, compassion and its own wisdom. Discrimination is such a valuable activity. Each has it. We encourage each in its frequent use.[862]

I believe this type of visualization to act on the memory. We have various levels of memory. We have a crisis memory which, if unchecked, will continually send images to the front of the mind, reminding us of that situation. Such a situation can get out of place in the mind, such as my continuing automatic visual images of Don Elkins when he was at his most mentally ill, and repeatedly bring us the catalyst of deep pain. Insofar as I am able, I repeat the visualization of these images, when I see them, first acknowledging the depth of Don’s suffering and my oneness with him and it, and then asking Donald himself to put these images into a briefcase, as though they were folders we were through using, and then I ask him to take these folders with him and place them in limited-retrieval, non-emergency memory. The nightmare horror of these images has rendered this a sixteen year project for me. The images still recur, though they do not enter my dreams, or wake me up, or intrude overmuch on my mood any longer. We are deeply sensitive, we wanderers, and when horrible things happen, we may have many years’ work in placing these remembrances in less painful levels of our memory. But we do need to “take out the garbage” when we perceive its clutter within our minds and hearts. Whether we picture the ashcan, with our troubles going into them and the lid closing firmly, or whether we see the agent of our distress picking up his mess and departing with it firmly in hand, or whether we simply see our misery as a dark liquid that we can pour out by tipping our heads over and letting fly from their tops, such a practice will tend towards relieving our distress. I wish each great fortune with this type of practice. We have a need to clear our minds and work within the present moment. Moving into the past as beholding these images causes us to do has some value, especially when catalyst is fresh. We need to be fully aware of the experiences we receive. However, there comes a time when we have used the catalyst well. When the images and the old emotions persist, and forgiveness work is stuck, these visualizations may well be of service.

Chakra Visualization

Those of Q’uo say:

When the self-acceptance has been addressed for the moment, then there is a kind of housekeeping that can be done that is quite helpful in the short run, and is a good habit to get into. This uses the ability to visualize, which we find in this group is exceptionally good, except for this instrument. Therefore we shall instruct this instrument as well as the rest. For this instrument it is well to visualize the chakras as a roll of candy, a roll of Lifesavers. This is a familiar visual aid, and the seven colors, then, would be visualized: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. For those with more developed visualization ability, the visualization may become much more subtle, involving brightness, degree of rotation, a degree of color, and whatever other subtleties come to the consciousness of the one visualizing. The goal, firstly, is simply to become in touch with what is occurring in that energetic system at the moment.

There is the recommended time of silence before beginning this work to quiet the waking mind and to awaken the sleeping subconscious, for the intuition plays a great role in visualization, and it is well to request that the mental ground be cleared and a degree of awareness be reached concerning the work being done. The dedication of the self in any work with consciousness to the service of the one infinite Creator is recommended.

Firstly, then, one wishes to simply see into that system of energetic displacements, to see the energies as they are. Then, imbalances as perceived may be addressed, either mentally or verbally, asking a sluggish energy to rotate, a clotted color to brighten and elucidate, to ask an overactive center to become more congruent in energy level with the other energies. This visualization can be done not once but several times during a diurnal period if there is the need to pursue this concern, for this is a short-term solution to the problem of feeling temporarily out of balance, and is a resource for the worker in consciousness.[863]

I have used this visualization every time I tune in preparation to channel for many years. As we repeat this visualization, it becomes easier to “see” it, and to read what is actually happening within our own energy centers. One thing I like to do at the end of a chakra visualization is to seal the energy system. I do this by visualizing a stream of light coming from my red ray, and one coming from my violet ray, and mixing these colors in mind together to become a pool of red-violet. I then ask helpers to hold me by the silver cord and dip me into this pool until every cell of my body, inside and out, is drenched in it. This I feel is the body’s protection of itself. I then visualize a pool of the limitless white light, and ask the helpers to hold me by the silver cord and dip me into this pool as well, so that every cell is utterly saturated with white light. This I see as the protection of the infinite Creator.

Planetary Visualizations

We all are concerned about the state of our planetary sphere, and the humankind upon it. Those of Hatonn advise:

We would suggest for those who wish to be of service in aiding the vibrations of your planet simply to visualize the entire planet in a state, initially, of darkness, seeing the planet as a blackened void. After a few moments in this visualization, then we would suggest that you begin to see points of light in different locations upon your planet beginning to shine. Continue this process until you see the light growing in size and in brilliance until finally you see the light completely encompassing your planet, until it glows as though it were a sun.[864]

I think this closely approaches the metaphysical reality of what is happening as ET and Earth Native wanderers awaken to their spiritual identity and begin acting as light transducers for infinite energy. Those of Q’uo add:

There are many entities who have reached that point in their own conscious development where they have been able to establish a stable contact with the one Creator and have been able to channel some form of intelligent energy as a result of this stable contact. These are those whom you have called the Christed ones. They have attained a level of development which allows them to share, as the Creator shares, from Creator to Creator. There are those who have chosen to be more visible, shall we say, and to offer themselves to a larger portion of your planet’s population. There are those who have chosen to remain hidden, and who seek to work upon the development of the planet itself and upon the development of the population of this planet as a whole by offering the love and healing vibrations in what you may call the magical means of visualization and the sending of love.[865]

As I was looking at the above quote, I wondered whether I should include it, because of its religious imagery, in a chapter where I had already talked a good deal about my own religion, and in a book where I truly do not want to seem to suggest that the Christian path is the only way. It is my way, truth and life, but I do not wish to proselytize, and so I wondered if I should I use this quote about “Christed ones”? Imagine my surprise when I stopped writing to answer the telephone. A friend of L/L Research who lives in Puerto Rico had called to arrange the donation of part of her library to our metaphysical L/L Research Library, and to tell me of her meditation with associates last Sunday, where they all saw Christ, wearing a white robe with a golden belt with seven knots, and a purple tunic or stole over one shoulder. Then they saw a huge map of North and South America, and all over both continents, there were tiny Christed ones—the exact term she used—springing up into life. Each one of us has a level of consciousness we might call Christ-Consciousness, and in a very wonderful and true way, our mission is to awaken that part of ourselves and to nurture it until it grows out of our hearts and into our lives. Such a visualization of the self and all others as these sources of light and healing for the planet is energetically very powerful, and full of potential.

Healing Visualizations

This type of visualization can be used with the white frame meditation, in terms of seeing the person to be healed as perfect. Those of Q’uo say:

In effect, as long as the healer has a consistent and compelling individual method of visualizing the movement of light, this system of visualization is virtually and functionally accurate. We are not attempting to be obscure but are saying that almost any consistent method of visualizing the passage of energy will work for the one which has healing gifts. The healing ability is not raised by these visualizations or managed or controlled in their nature because of this system of visualization. Rather, the healing energy is channeled through the instrument and what occurs as the healer does its work is that the healer discovers a way of visualizing the procession of this light in motion in such and such a way which does not interfere with the healing energies’ own intelligent movements. The goal here is for the healer to become transparent to this energy so that it is completely calm and is functioning as conscious catalyst. However, in order that the mind of the healer may be stayed and comforted, some method or system of visualizing the traduction of this energy is necessary.[866]

As I said, the white frame meditation works the best for me. However, if we find it easier to envision the person bathed in white light, or any construction that, to us as visualizers, seems best to embody the sense of utter perfection which is the actual truth of that entity, then by all means do that. Those of Yom advise:

Consider yourselves stewards of the love that created you and the light that manifests you. In meditation, call upon the silence that you may hear the silence which speaks of love, and both in meditation and in contemplations such as the use of affirmations, offer yourself as instrument for the manifestation and realization of the limitless possibilities of creative light. We may note that while most affirmations find their benefit to people in the mental and emotional areas, physical healing is also quite available through the use of affirmations which, indistinct or poetic, prosaic or wondrously beautiful, nevertheless have the intent of focusing the light of the infinite Creator in such a way that it interpenetrates and enlivens each cell of each of your bodies.[867]

The Forgiveness Visualization

This is a short and sometimes helpful form of the balancing meditation we talked about in Chapter Eight. In this forgiveness visualization, we bring each person in our lives up into the center of the attention, and work with each one to bring each into a forgiven and accepted state. Those of Q’uo say:

We would ask you to visualize the seeker that you are in meditation with the entire universe of meaning, both without and within you. You are perhaps more used to thinking of an inner and an outer experience. Yet, the outer experience is, at a deep level, formed sometimes decisively by the inner self. Thusly, the visualization of the self in meditation, bringing the outer world within by allowing, accepting and forgiving outer experience, becomes the self’s realization that all of the infinite creation is within each seeker, each self-conscious entity.[868]

Working With Dreams

Mechanically, a dream is said to occur when rapid eye movements of a certain kind are observed in a subject during sleep. We are marvelously made, and the subtle nature of our creation shows up nowhere more abundantly than in this dream life. In our waking state of consciousness, we move through our days, experiencing the multitude of life’s vicissitudes, feeling emotional states both positive and negative, succeeding or failing by our own or others’ measures, and wearing ourselves out until we need to rest and heal from the day. We could think ourselves to be fairly linear beings sometimes, were it not for our dreams, which bring us stories, inklings and a wealth of provocative material usually of a far different quality and experience than the waking life. Some say they cannot remember their dreams, but it is only that it is an acquired skill to do this. We can train ourselves. Having done a bit of this kind of work, I can attest to its rich yield of spiritually interesting information.

Why do we dream? I think it is because we are alive, because our consciousness does not sleep. The personality shell releases to some extent in sleep, and the physical body is usually inert and resting, but the consciousness itself is eternal and infinite, and continues right on with the business of assimilating the information received in the waking state. Don asks those of Ra:

Questioner: You have stated that dreaming, if made available to the conscious mind, will aid greatly in polarization. Could you define dreaming or tell us what it is and how it aids polarization?

Ra: I am Ra. Dreaming is an activity of communication through the veil of the unconscious mind and the conscious mind. The nature of this activity is wholly dependent upon the situation regarding the energy center blockages, activations and crystallizations of a given mind/body/spirit complex. In one who is blocked at two of the three lower energy centers, dreaming will be of value in the polarization process in that there will be a repetition of those portions of recent catalyst as well as deeper held blockages, thereby giving the waking mind clues as to the nature of these blockages and hints as to possible changes in perception which may lead to the unblocking.

This type of dreaming or communication through the veiled portions of the mind occurs also with those mind/body/spirit complexes which are functioning with far less blockage and enjoying the green-ray activation or higher activation at those times at which the mind/body/spirit complex experiences catalyst, momentarily reblocking or baffling or otherwise distorting the flow of energy influx. Therefore, in all cases it is useful to a mind/body/spirit complex to ponder the content and emotive resonance of dreams. For those whose green-ray energy centers have been activated as well as for those whose green-ray energy centers are offered an unusual unblockage due to extreme catalyst, such as what is termed the physical death of the self or one which is beloved occurring in what you may call your near future, dreaming takes on another activity. This is what may loosely be termed precognition or a knowing which is prior to that which shall occur in physical manifestation in your yellow-ray third-density space/time. This property of the mind depends upon its placement, to a great extent, in time/space so that the terms of present and future and past have no meaning. This will, if made proper use of by the mind/body/spirit complex, enable this entity to enter more fully into the all-compassionate love of each and every circumstance including those circumstances against which an entity may have a strong distortion towards what you may call unhappiness.

As a mind/body/spirit complex consciously chooses the path of the adept and, with each energy balanced to a minimal degree, begins to open the indigo-ray energy center the so-called dreaming becomes the most efficient tool for polarization, for, if it is known by the adept that work may be done in consciousness while the so-called conscious mind rests, this adept may call upon those which guide it, those presences which surround it, and, most of all, the magical personality which is the higher self in space/time analog as it moves into the sleeping mode of consciousness. With these affirmations attended to, the activity of dreaming reaches that potential of learn/teaching which is most helpful to increasing the distortions of the adept towards its chosen polarity.[869]

This communication of deeper self to conscious self through the veil in dreaming is likened by those of Q’uo to programming a computer:

We might suggest the general use of the dreaming state is that which allows the seeker to use the subconscious mind such as one of your computer programmers would utilize the computer. The conscious mind is aware of the situation that presents the puzzle. It then, through its desire to solve the puzzle, provides that which it has gained of knowledge to the subconscious mind, and that information, when charged with the desire to find the path of love for the seeker, shall return to the seeker in what you call dreams that are coded in a symbolic fashion. To become more fully aware of these messages from the subconscious mind is the goal of remembering the dreams. One may learn this skill by reminding the self upon retiring for the evening that each dream shall be remembered and recorded as soon as possible upon its completion. These dreams and their coded messages then may become the topics, shall we say, for the meditation of the day. In this fashion, the subconscious mind is programmed to release information which may serve to reveal more and more pieces of the puzzle so that the feet may be placed more firmly upon the path of love.[870]

They also characterize dreaming as a process of integration:

When the brain copes with pain and difficult suffering, it wishes either to attack or to flee, or both. In contrast, the consciousness which carries with it eternity looks at the same catalyst. It functions, as all self-conscious things do, to observe, to analyze, to figure out what is occurring. Once this has been done, the way consciousness works is to take all of this ideated material and let it sift down through the roots of the deeper mind, so that at some point dreams, visions or certainties will be clear, clarifying in lucidity beyond words, not the particulars of transformation but the feeling of surrender and acceptance of the catalyst which occurs.[871]

So dreams work as an on-going process of communication from self to self, from the conscious mind to the deep mind as we are awake, and from the deep mind to the conscious mind, when we are dreaming. It is a conversation far beyond words, within a very spacious self which, as we work, we gradually see is as large as any universe we can probe with our telescopes. It is fueled by a drive to perceive pattern and resonance:

The subconscious portions of each entity’s mind are filled with the patterns of the incarnative experience and send various portions of these lessons and experiences to the conscious mind in the form of the dream, that there might be a dialogue with the conscious entity seeking to uncover the treasures of the subconscious mind. In order to be able to work with these dream images, it is well that the seeker send a message to the subconscious mind that it is ready to work upon those messages in dreams. This may be done by reminding the self before bedtime to attempt to remember one dream this night, to further reinforce this desire by placing the appropriate instruments to record the dream whenever one is able to remember the dream, whether it is shortly after the dream or upon waking in the morning. It is through the constant repetition to the self, the subconscious mind, that one wishes to work with these dreams that the subconscious mind will become convinced that the conscious self is serious and serious in this desire, and will then begin to release to the conscious mind dreams which will be able to be remembered.[872]

Those of L/Leema suggest that our attitude in working with dream material is best shaped as a courtship, a wooing of the thoughts of the deep mind:

One who wishes to know how to move into the unveiling process may well view the courting process. The deeper portions of the mind are purer, more sensitive, and far more delicate in structure than those portions of the mind which are in heavy, everyday use. The deeper portions of the mind are those portions which react to impersonal and deeply felt rhythms and energies which flow into the energy web of the individual. The process of unveiling that deep mind is one which will span many, many incarnations. That entrance into the deep mind should be as careful, loving and concerned as the suitor with damp palms who offers a corsage to his date for the dance. It is truly a gentle thing, and a slow process when done well, to lift the veil, not by intent, but by the process of disciplining one’s waking personality. That is, one does not successfully assault the deep mind, rather, one prepares oneself to receive from the deep mind that which it is prepared to give, and then through the process of meditation, the process of the daydream, the vision and the dreaming within sleep, it is in these ways that the deep mind yields its fruits to the conscious mind.[873]

So we are suitors of our own deeper thoughts and feelings, our own mystery of being. Part of the mystery that is dreaming is: who is arranging the dreams? Don asks:

Questioner: How is the dream designed or programmed? Is it done by the higher self, or who is responsible for this?

Ra: I am Ra. In all cases the mind/body/spirit complex makes what use it can of the faculty of the dreaming. It, itself, is responsible for this activity.

Questioner: Then you are saying that the subconscious is responsible for what I will call the design or scriptwriter for the dream. Is this correct?

Ra: I am Ra. This is correct.[874]

Yet what is the subconscious mind? The Ra’s matter-of-fact reply rather shields the fact that this deeper mind seems to have roots in deity, in eternity, in heavenly things. Those of L/Leema suggest that the deep mind accessed during sleep is the portion of consciousness that dwells in the metaphysical universe, or time/space:

Time/space is unknown territory. The word which perhaps more closely than any other in your language represents it is the numinal; another word would be the mysterious. To the space/time consciousness, time/space is shifting, elusive and unpredictable. And yet, the majority of your true mind dwells in time rather than in space, and is used for more efficiently processing that catalyst which is gathered during your incarnational experience in space/time. When you dream clearly, the portion of your mind which is dwelling in time (we will abbreviate time/space to time and space/time to space) speaks to you of that which you have not yet become aware in space.[875]

Those of Q’uo describe the speaker of the dreams as that self which exists between incarnations, another way of saying roughly the same thing:

We encourage the use of both meditative periods and sleeping and dreaming to more and more easily link into the self that exists between incarnations. While it is not the great self, being a biased entity, it does, nevertheless, have much of wisdom which it aids entities to link up with within incarnation. It is not so much the knowledge of what has happened in past lives that helps as it is the seating and grounding of the self from the part which blooms in incarnation down to the roots of that being which lie within that portion of your consciousness which carries all memory of previous lifetimes and other deep awarenesses such as the archetypical.[876]

Those of Q’uo also characterize the dream speaker as the higher self:

The higher self is a resource which is most usually contacted in the deeper states of meditation or within the state of sleep and dreaming. For this resource is one which is most subtle and one which observes the need to maintain free will most scrupulously.[877]

To maintain this free will, our deeper, higher, more deity-linked self speaks in dreams, not with complete lucidity usually, but in vague, maddeningly non-linear and symbolic ways, telling us, but not telling us, the story. It speaks “through a glass darkly,” through the veil. This veiling of the deeper mind remains even within dreams, but the veil is at least lifted a bit. We receive good information, but it is encoded. Don asks those of Ra:

Questioner: Is the memory that the individual has upon waking from the dream usually reasonably accurate? Is the dream easily remembered?

Ra: I am Ra. You must realize that we are over-generalizing in order to answer your queries as there are several sorts of dreams. However, in general, it may be noted that it is only for a trained and disciplined observer to have reasonably good recall of the dreaming. This faculty may be learned by virtue of a discipline of the recording immediately upon awakening of each and every detail which can be recalled. This training sharpens one’s ability to recall the dream. The most common perception of a mind/body/spirit complex of dreams is muddied, muddled and quickly lost.[878]

It is these muddy, dim dreams that we who are not working with our dreams remember, for the most part. On the face of it, often they do not seem to be wells of information! And to make things muddier, each person’s dream language and landscape is very much an individual thing:

It is well, in order to use a deeper source of information about the self, to work with the dreaming. There are no two who dream in the same symbology. Many generalizations are true in the majority of cases, but there are no images within dreams that are precisely and archetypically the same for any two entities. Consequently, when studying the dreams, as in studying behavior, it is well to allow a large portion of your time, which this instrument calls years, in order that this process may bear fruit.[879]

Those of Ra echo this:

Questioner: In processing the catalyst of dreams is there a universal language of the unconscious mind which may be used to interpret dreams, or does each entity have a unique language in its own unconscious mind which it may use to interpret the meaning of dreams?

Ra: I am Ra. There is what might be called a partial vocabulary of the dreams due to the common heritage of all mind/body/spirit complexes. Due to each entity’s unique incarnational experiences there is an overlay which grows to be a larger and larger proportion of the dream vocabulary as the entity gains experience.[880]

While it is true that we get better at dream interpretation as we gain experience, I think that we can begin to learn from dream work rather quickly. Always, however, it is well to remember to keep the light and delicate touch in working with dreams. We need to respect the careful shape of dreams, the way they communicate powerful and profound truth to us, truth that we probably could not bear to hear straight out in the waking state:

There is a reality to the dream which is greater than the waking reality. In actuality, the subconscious is always far more fully conscious than the waking entity. So the, shall we say, syntax and vocabulary which informs these images is of an order impossible to contain within the waking state. Were this material to be given with this degree of clarity within the waking state the consensus reality which the self depends upon would tend to be greatly shaken, the energy of this harvest being that which the waking self could not bear. Thusly, the dream is skillfully knitted up for the self by the self in the way which allows the self to remain sturdily within the incarnational set of biases which define the perceptions of self to self at the moment.[881]

We may, then, see dreams as gifts of the spirit which we have to unwrap carefully in order not to mangle or destroy. Mary feels that keeping a dream notebook is a key:

Through the Cayce teachings I learned to write down and interpret dreams. That is, I got really good at waking up to immediately to write them down for approximately three years. Interpreting is another story. I could only make the attempt and hope I was right. However, this ended up being the best way for me to “hear” my subconscious mind, and still is.[882]

Mary brings up a problem about working with dreams that I have not been able to solve: the sheer volume of the material that is possible. After Don Elkins’ death I was in therapy for several years, and my doctor was a Jungian who loved to work with her patients’ dreams, so I began recording mine to share with her. At first I remembered only fragments, my normal state when not working with dreams. However, I quickly became able to awaken and write down a dream immediately after it occurred. I kept a blank notebook, pen and flashlight by the bed. The flashlight was used so as not to awaken myself completely as I would do if turning on a normal room light. Within a fortnight I was recording as many as seven dreams a night, each one full of such myriad details that it might take me half an hour just to record the dream. I was virtually no longer sleeping. I would doze off, have a dream, wake up and record the dream. I would repeat this process all night. There are some of us who are not meant to work with their dreams, perhaps! I have never run into anyone else who had this problem doing dream work. I believe those of Ra would say it is my too dramatic nature. I dream baroque amounts of color and detail! 131 reports:

I find that I usually learn a lot more about a dream when I write it down. Writing about it seems to open up avenues of information that would otherwise remain closed. Sometimes there is very interesting stuff that comes out. I don’t go into elaborate evaluations of dreams or anything like that. But I really enjoy the feeling of resonating with dream images and feelings, and hovering there in the mystery of it all. And sometimes I even get what seems like a glimpse of something truly enlightening. And that is just grand.[883]

The quirky sense of humor that enlivens our dreams shows up in so many ways, once we start listening. Romi Borel reports such a dream “punch line”:

I had an incident in my dream last night that I wanted share with you. I said the phrase “Joy in Life.” It is something I’ve been working on, struggling with. When I said the phrase, I was given a phrase back: “Life in Joy.” Immediately I had the awareness that, for me, at least, it’s not about putting joy in life. “Joy” is the very essence of our being, another name for “love” or “knowing.” I’ve always had joy. It is “the core of my being” if you will, but I hadn’t been giving it life. I haven’t been giving life or allowing my “true self” to live. I woke myself up crying.[884]

It is wonderful when we get an “Aha!” experience in a dream. I have certainly had some extremely clear dreams at crisis points in my life, dreams which have a lucid, three-dimensional, real quality that most dream landscapes lack. Those of Ra end their discussion of dreams with Don by noting:

The other function of the dreaming which is of aid is that type of dream which is visionary and which prophets and mystics have experienced from days of old. Their visions come through the roots of mind and speak to a hungry world. Thus the dream is of service without being of a personally polarizing nature. However, in that mystic or prophet who desires to serve, such service will increase the entity’s polarity.[885]

This visionary type of dreaming is rare. 149 is such a dreamer, and she says:

I am an open channel for many energies of very high vibrations, especially Oriaha, and my dream time is more real for me than my waking hours here on Earth. I spend a lot of time elsewhere and I spend quite a bit of time in some sort of what I call dream lectures. The strange thing is that I wake up at night and I can hear the lecture continue. It is in a language not of the Earth and it is very, very holy in its vibration. I can get up and walk around and it never stops. I go back to bed and it doesn’t miss a beat. I never remember it, but always know I will remember when it is time to remember.[886]

There is a specialized ability! I feel sure that this feeds strongly into her channeling, for she has that outer gift. There are also rare instances of people who have the skill of healing others from within dreams, and other specialized abilities related to channeling. Most of us, however, will remain within the relatively private concerns of our own lives, and will need to take time and patience in working with our dreams slowly to build up our intelligence. Keep a dream notebook, by all means, and note when we have a dream that feels important, that has a special atmosphere or intensity. For such particular dreams, look at each character in the dream. We can profitably assume all characters to be some aspect or projection of ourselves. What do these characters mean to our conscious minds? How do we relate to thoughts of them? Look into that. What period of our life did they live in? What situations were swamping our emotions at that time? What are the main ways we feel about them now? Sense into the emotional climate of the dream. Every way we can utilize our intelligence and intuition helps. Those with creative minds have done all sorts of impressive things working with their dreams. One friend works repeatedly on theme dreams, going back over the material as the dream recurs. Another friend has taken the considerable time and trouble to draw for himself the landscape of his dreams, the environment, the buildings. He has found that they are quite finite, real and connected from one dream to another. I have also found this to be true. The work of rummaging through these landscapes and themes and specific dreams is often productive. Rummage to our heart’s content, but in a courtly, gently lazy way. As those of Oxal say:

The more one tries, often, the less one succeeds in reaching back for that dream that has eluded one. The more one merely allows the dream to once again have its sway, the easier it becomes to explore what has transpired within the dream.[887]

Those of Q’uo suggest that we employ meditation to help us interpret our dreams:

We recommend that the meditative state be utilized to build a pathway to the subconscious mind, and that this pathway be traveled on a regular basis with the intent to retrieve those pieces of the puzzle which await discovery within. This process may be enhanced by combining the dreaming state and the information that can be gained in that state with the fruits of the meditative state so that the working of the puzzle becomes primarily a subconscious process that is aided by the conscious mind only in the providing of the more and more intense desire to know where one’s feet may find love in the daily round of activities.[888]

This quote captures the essence of that pattern of desire and information which is the heart of the process of learning from dreaming. Our conscious desires to learn from our dreams, and our affirmation to ourselves before sleeping that we wish to remember and write down our dreams, focus desire to accomplish a task. This task is interpreted by the deep mind or higher self, and it responds to our desire by expressing dreams to us. We then further cooperate with this process by keeping a dream notebook and consciously playing with the interpretation of this dream material. What we will tend to find is that we dream in cyclic patterns. Some material is patently transient, mere repetition of something that we did recently. Other material is evocative, provocative, filled with emotional atmosphere and aura and textured with rich imagery. It is then our part to sift through this mélange, extracting those clues and masks with which we wish to work, whose implications we wish to ponder.

Quite often through the years, the Confederation entities have offered to help us with this dreaming process. Those of Q’uo say:

As we have been called by many such as yourselves, then we look to those who call and present ourselves in whatever form or fashion is most helpful to them, whether it be, in a small number of cases such as the calling of this group, to hear our words and opinions, or to those who need an inspirational dream, shall we say, and thus a visitation within the sleep and dreaming portion of your experience, or whether it might be more helpful to provide a coincidental meeting of entities within the third-density illusion that they might share with each other, that they might share the seeking that grows within both hearts. Thus we aim most of our efforts toward this planet and its harvest which is ongoing at this time.[889]

To the Confederation entities, offering help within the dream state is desirable because there is the natural protection of the individual’s free will within this state, and only that which can safely be consciously remembered clearly will be. However, inspiration and encouragement within dreams translates to an ineffably improved sense of wholeness and vitality in the waking state, and several of those with whom I have worked have had good results from this method of asking for dream help. If we desire to avail ourselves of this offered help, I would recommend asking for the precise name of the group, such as Q’uo or Ra, with which we resonate most strongly, and doing this asking within the framework of a short meditation before sleep in which the self is offered for service to others. This is a protection against what remains a most crowded universe, full of characters who are not nearly so nice and would be delighted to disrupt our sleep and feed us delusions of grandeur. Positively oriented extraterrestrial sources such as the Confederation entities have fastidious and courteous manners and an exacting sense of preserving each entity’s free will. I would not recommend simply broadcasting a request for help “from any source.” Be specific! And do not expect UFOs to show up in the dream. The Confederation sources are not always such a literal bunch:

In most cases a craft is not necessary. Many such contacts, shall we say, are made in the state of sleep and dreams and may not even be consciously remembered by the entity contacted. The purpose still is the same: to awaken the one contacted to the purpose of its life and mission as determined by it before this incarnation. In some few cases the entity is contacted by the use of a craft of the UFO description, for it is felt by the entity’s own higher self, shall we say, that such a contact is most beneficial for the awakening of that entity, as each entity is unique. And in some cases the contact by the craft is also utilized for a wider purpose, that being the presentation to your population of the concept of mystery, so that the seeking to its solution might be generated.[890]

Journaling

We were talking about a kind of journaling, in speaking of keeping a dream notebook. A journal can be anything from a notebook listing recipes used or dreams experienced to a diary of the day’s events to a social commentary of said events, to a journal of ideas, visions and questions. Many people keep them and find the process helpful, from alcoholics fulfilling one of their twelve steps to children confiding their first secrets to Dear Diary to Thomas Merton and Saint Augustine, Leonardo da Vinci and Proust, recording their struggles with God and Mammon, knowledge, truth and beauty. We can always find journals written by worthy authors in the book stores, since anyone who can write well and think in interesting ways has plenty to say to surprise and intrigue us. But others’ thoughts cannot always reveal to us our own, and this is the true purpose, I think, of journaling.

I went through a year and a half journaling period while working on this present project, in one of the two previous incarnations of this handbook, in 1993 and 1994, when I was writing my autobiography, feeling that people deserved to know who I was, since I was writing all this opinion. I felt people could then come to trust my good intentions, and I would become more nearly transparent to the material in the book. It was a good idea, but, in that form, it just did not satisfy me, being too full of “me.” In the process of discovering this, I spent a year and a half getting up at 5:30 in the morning so I could do some writing before the day began. At that time, I was going to school, so I left the house at 7:30 and was gone all day! As part of this biography project, I kept a journal, for at the time I thought perhaps to publish the journal along with the biography as a way of bringing in the wonderful letters I was getting from my correspondents. I scrapped the project after completing the autobiography-so-far, but I did find that writing in the journal made me pin down what I thought about things in a more efficient and yet a more full way, since in order to write about something, I was pressed to find some words that worked to satisfy my unspoken concepts. My chief complaint with this discipline was that it did not draw me, and as soon as I allowed myself to stop doing the daily writing, I stopped cold. Every journal I have ever kept has had that feel to it: duteous. I think this applied spiritual science is most useful to those who need an outlet to express themselves or to work through a process. I have many daily outlets of expression, as I have a large correspondence. I am expressing myself constantly throughout my work day. Whatever happens to me, I generally talk about to people as my life occurs, just by way of saying hello and sharing what’s happening if not to point an example in talking about a subject. My need to journal is thereby diminished, perhaps. And then there is the preference I have for musing over thinking. I can think fairly well, but I am not by nature an intellectual! I love to drift on the sea of experience.

The value of journals seems largely to me to be in the process of the writing of them. As we put down what we are thinking, we are seeing things we have not really thought through before. I have a friend who is an author, and her writing is akin to journaling in that it is in the process of the writing itself that she finds out what her characters think. We are completing half-formed thoughts and processes in putting these thoughts into written form. Seldom do we go back and read our old journals, unless it be for their literary value or historical interest. 001 says:

From time to time over the years I’ve kept diaries of sorts, sometimes detailed and religiously, but mostly in the forms of notes and jottings. Most of them have since been thrown out, since on rereading the real value seems to be around the time of entry, focusing on dreams or insights or specific areas needing attention.[891]

As in doing dream work, we are looking for the clues the subconscious is willing to give us. As we write down our thoughts, we may find ourselves surprising ourselves and informing ourselves. A fundamental assumption of this work is that this whole situation makes sense, and the journaling will help us put the puzzle together that all the details represent. Those of Laitos say:

There is a basic program within the subconscious, and this too is heavily veiled in distortion. This is where the work with dreaming, with keeping a journal, becomes centrally important, for it is, shall we say, a metaprogram, in which you accept the socially unacceptable dictum of a chosen path of service.[892]

In searching for what we really think and feel, we aren’t probing in a vacuum. We seek to know in order to serve. Seek indeed for our selves and our truths, but not endlessly. This is the density of choice, and it is negative polarity to seek exclusively and narcissistically within the self without having the intention to use that knowledge to serve others. We will probably turn to journaling as a tool for self-discovery in times of trouble:

Often it puzzles those who experience these seasons of desert within, for the outer planes are halcyon and lovely, yet within all is certainly an arid waste. The negative reaction to this is often not true fear but rather a cold and gnawing discomfort, a feeling that one is truly unworthy, thirsty and unfed, in the spiritual sense. Again, it is well to make a friend of this discomfort, even to allow some focus upon the discomfort, a writing in a journal, or telling to one’s self of just how this feels, for by doing so, by being attentive to these feelings of discomfort within, one helps one’s own process of recentering according to one’s emerging character.[893]

That is the hunt! Our own self, at a deeper and deeper level of truth, until what we call ego is gone completely and more interesting things begin coming to view.

Networking

To learn who we are is to learn who our archetypes represent. One way in which we work with the conscious mind is in networking. I am not speaking of the meaning of networking which has to do with the broadcast of a signal over a communications network. I am speaking of the kind of meeting of friends of friends and family that we do at gatherings and parties, on e-mail and in other interactions with what the Ra called our other selves. I am a backwards child at this spiritual practice because of a characteristic passivity that has me tending not to be assertive in seeking new relationships, but through the mails I have met wonderful friends, worked with fascinating people, and thoroughly enjoyed the process of networking that has occurred because people have been drawn to the material published on our web site. In networking, we are assuming that these other people are not only universes in their own right, but also messengers who have information for us. That is, they are in a spiritual sense the inadvertent wing-footed Mercuries of things we need to hear, connections we need to make. In getting to know and being authentically interested in developing a sound and lasting relationship with them, we are also learning about and supporting ourselves. Such connections increasingly bless all within them. And as we do that, we are working towards the global balancing and evolution of the planet itself:

The service which entities provide who do actively use the resources at hand to make connections shall be those which help this planet in its birthing process. We simply caution each that in making these connections no outcome be held in thought, no limitation placed upon the possibilities of any connection. Those who wish the most sometimes to aid a culture or society or world are drawn by their concern into rigid conceptual structures concerning ways and means of arriving at the goal desired. We would encourage each who wishes to press forward along this path of making connections to continue seeking that intuition and sense of the heart rather than making great plans and carrying out this or that campaign conceived irrespective of connections made spontaneously. For the social memory complex shall be builded one relationship at a time, just as when entities seek peace as a nation they must first seek peace within the self.[894]

Networking has special applications, such as looking for a new job, or shifting locations. Trusting that connections shall be made as they need to be made is, I feel, a balanced and good way to approach moments of worry. However, any good duck knows how to paddle. When there is a particular reason to make connections, the tools of networking and numerous other avenues of communication await. The digital/cyber age may make us tense and busy, but it offers us many coping tools. I have a friend whose present business is coaching executives who are job hunting. It can be quite traumatic to become a fired president or CEO, and this man is especially skilled at turning worry to faith and a blue funk to positive action. In the process of getting his clients re-moralized and ready to go to work, he advises them to network. He suggests they write the people they know, letting them know of their situation, asking if they have heard anything of other opportunities, but also giving the other news of the day, the areas of thought and interest that are otherwise shared, any recent quotes that have been picked up and appreciated in reading or talking with people, and so forth. The goal is to make each contact a real communication, a genuine sharing from the heart. We never know from what direction a good tip will come. If a tip never comes from that person, there is still the positive gain of that relationship’s strengthening.

Many networks exist, made to order for various needs. Are we trying to quit smoking or lose weight? Needing encouragement on a hard issue? Write our friends. Make contact. Find internet interest groups. We will receive support, new thoughts, options to try to ameliorate our condition, their new news to delight or evoke sympathy and fill our minds with something besides our own problems, and our woes will decrease. But most of all, be open to the new relationships, the friends of friends who find us, or the wanderer who rambles past our web site. For each new relationship is also a relationship with the one Creator:

Much is ahead, my children. There is truly nothing that is not one with you, and there is no consciousness that you do not share. Yet each within a family is unique and each within the family of your sphere is unique. Many are aware now that it is time to feel the family working more closely together, and you have called this networking. Think of it as reunion as well as work, for in the instinct to network, you may see the instinct that calls all to the family reunion.[895]

This family reunion is coming along. I see, especially on the web, more and more calls for global meditations for peace and social justice. Light centers of various kinds are coming into dedicated being in large numbers all over the globe. Political sources of light seem to be growing. Each time we contact someone and talk about spiritual things or give metaphysical perspective to a knotty problem, or witness to ideals, we are sharing light. Each of those to whom we offer this encouragement may send that light on, and so forth, until the whole globe is increasingly wrapped in a golden net of love, support, faith, hope and encouragement. And we can do this as we talk to family and friends. For all things are sacred concerns if looked at from a spiritual perspective, and all beings are the Creator. This makes networking one of the most accessible things to work on as a spiritual practice. Those of Q’uo give this encouragement:

This process of what many call networking is radically changing the basic consciousness of your planet. We are happy to see this take place, for it has been our concern that the transition this planet is already moving through would be far more difficult than it is being. We can only thank each individual whom we have the pleasure of meeting, as we have met each of you, for the love and care you give to the cause of love. Remember as you touch each other’s lives and as you go forth and continue this process, that the magic of life is much more obvious when each finds the groups or the new people that have a commonality of attitude and interest in the metaphysical.[896]

Using The Arts In Spiritual Practice

I have been a folk singer and backup vocalist in a rock band, and sung in choirs since the age of four. I have even sung a little opera, as a chorus member. I was fortunate enough to have eight years of Noyes Rhythm dancing training as a child, and six years of ballet. These expressive arts gave to my childhood and early adulthood a golden glow that I cannot describe. The Noyes system is a discipline that embraces the natural world, and so my Connecticut summers at Noyes were a panorama of a bare wood floor under an open roof, with a piano playing beautiful music, and us children dancing and swirling around its area and grounds, a sweet and placid lake, rugged but climbable hills, wonderful fluffy-cloud skies and blueberry bushes and lilies edging the gathering circle. Each stone appeared polished with reality and solidity under my foot, and each tree frog sang his own warbling song. The movements of the dance would take me into the stretch of the starfish on the sea’s bottom and up to the stars to leap and dance like a comet or to be a pendulous moon or a blossomed, branched tree swaying in the wind. I leapt my best horse leaps and humped my back with the brown bear, and tugged and played with movement until my body joined with my mind and spirit in a point of balance from which all was perfectly clear and perfectly beautiful.

I especially remember the exultation of dancing to exhaustion when, as a special privilege as the music counselor’s grandchild, I was allowed to join the Senior Camp down the lane, where at evening Playtime, the classical piano music would pour through the lantern-lit wooden pavilion and onto the surrounding greensward, and the barefooted women in their Greek tunics would give themselves into the rhythm of the music, dancing with great expression until they were forced by sheer weariness to fling themselves down on the bare wood floor and catch their breath.

I think that in those times of dancing, there was a stream of information moving into my body at the cellular level. By the rhythmic movement and performance, I was experiencing an indescribably helpful aid to centering myself within the rhythms of living. Dancing and performing in general fed into my self-confidence in a way nothing else did for me as a child. More than that, I think it was helping my energetic being to align with the energies surrounding it. Certainly as a singer of the great sacred choral tradition especially, I can attest to the remarkable amount of power that can be generated by a group of people expressing together. Only rarely have I experienced the interaction of actor and audience, but as a singer, I have been in the middle of the music at times when it has moved me into the white light beyond all Earthly things. I have left many concerts floating a few inches above the ground, still vibrating with the power of the music and the words that came through all of our choir or chorus. I have experienced tremendous power dancing to poetry as well as to music: the need seems to be for innate rhythm and pattern, however conceived, rather than a certain content, sound or form.

This energetic alignment may be seen in a more fundamental practice in the Sufi’s “whirling dervishes.” Proponents of this practice feel they are gaining spiritually by this movement, and there are examples of this kind of shamanic movement in every continent, if not every culture. Our bodies are ready to be trained to rhythms! To some extent, all of us are instruments which we can play by moving our bodies. Most athletes who have taken up running, jogging, or dedicated walking have experiences of the euphoria and clarity of vision that accompanies muscle exhaustion. So this is not a practice available only to the swift and sure, although an ability to use the feet really helps matters. From a wheel chair, I can say from experience, the options are more limited! But there always remain options. Here is Q’uo’s take on this:

There are various ways of doing this disciplining of the personality. There are traditions within each culture, and within each religious heritage, that have called upon those practices which you have mentioned as being most helpful for the primary, or foundation discipline, for each entity that seeks to learn those lessons that are appropriate to it and to share them with others as a service to others and to the one Creator within all. The chanting, the use of various devotional songs, dances and other rituals are most helpful in beginning this process of disciplining so that the expenditure of the inpouring prana, or cosmic energy, may be most efficiently accomplished, for this energy is much like the power of the water that moves through the hose. If the nozzle of the hose is turned in such a fashion as to cause the diffusion of the water to move through in a spray, there is little power achieved. However, if the nozzle or the attention is turned in such a fashion as to cause the water to move in a small, boring, forceful fashion, then there is far greater power possible to achieve with such a focus.[897]

In that sentence, “boring” does not mean “stultifying,” but “penetrating” or “piercing.” Rhythmic movement or dramatic performance, self-expression of any kind, renders us more and more able as instruments to make a discernable metaphysical tune, with resonance and timbre, of our beings. Even if all we are doing is a yoga session or simple stretches, we can consciously take the opportunity to tune into our bodies and give them the chance to express and be alive and in motion. David Gourd says:

I spin regularly. It has been my experience that a clockwise spin, where I am the clock, brings energy to me and a counterclockwise spin takes energy from me. Sometimes I use the counterclockwise spin to clear undesirable energy first and then use the clockwise spin, in a different room, to gather desirable energy.[898]

Watch children playing and we will usually see them in motion, expressing with their entire bodies as well as their beings. It is a skill we tend to lose more and more, as we grow older and feel less tightly and tautly held within our own bodies. Yet it does us great good to see ourselves as dancers, whatever our bodies’ shapes, and to encourage ourselves to be active in rhythmic ways.

Since I have no apparent skill at all as a fine artist, having been told by my drawing teacher in college that I could not expect to pass his class if I continued to attend, I have never experienced the joy of painting. Embroidery, knitting and cross stitch are much more accessible for me, and sewing machines aid me in finding a modest feeling of artistic expression in creating gifts and small treasures. However, I know people who derive true spiritual power from their association with their muse as they create beauty by sewing, painting or other fine art or artisanship. If we find ourselves drawn to these ways of expressing ourselves, by all means fulfill those desires. For any time that we touch thread to cloth or paint to canvas, we are opening ourselves to avenues of essence within ourselves which can flow, in these expressions, out into the Earth plane, not only as paint on canvas or a finished bit of stitching, but as a sweetness of spirit and a grace, or a statement of truth and power. Not all artistic beauty is pretty! Those of Q’uo say:

We find much to recommend in the nascent skills of artistry and intuition which each seeker has also, and we encourage each to use the visual and auditory senses inwardly in creating ways of expressing the essence of the self as artists do when they produce the picture or the song or the spoken performance such as the play, the poem or the dance.[899]

Let us all be artists to ourselves! Let us look at the world as the artist does, for the artist’s eye uses the magical nature of intuition and deep emotion to form connections with the deepest songs of our hearts. And let us be rhythmic expressers, comfortable within our bodies to the limit of our ability and ready to move! Listen to the wild dithyramb of “O clap your hands, all ye people!” The Psalmist knew we must lift our hearts in rhythmic expression, and that there is spiritual fruit to be found thereby. Moving and expressing bring us into the present moment, and we come into our truer and fuller selves as we spin into harmony with the symphony of all the vibrant life of Earth.

Seeing All We Meet As Teachers

We have talked in a previous chapter about teachers and their wonderful use to us as we seek metaphysically. Here we want to include a word about seeing everyone we meet as a teacher. As those of Q’uo say:

There are teachers everywhere. The creation of the Father teaches a thousand lessons in a minute, if you can but stay in talking to them. Each of your comrades is a Christed being, to some extent or another unaware of its true nature. But as it holds its hand out to you, the Creator is holding Its hand out to you. As it expresses friendship and love, so does the Creator.[900]

Marty Upson elaborates:

We are all teachers/students/teachers, no? It is possible to learn more from a chance meeting with an unexpected stranger on the street who says one simple comment, than from months or years sitting in a psychotherapist’s office. There are a gazillion (read: infinite) number of possibilities/probabilities at work in the learn/teach teach/learn dynamic.[901]

Who knows what speaker may give us the message that destiny wishes to waft our way? The devotion of student for guru too often fails, for each guru is also an egoic being, an error-filled person who is learning and making mistakes just as we are. We can easily become disillusioned in our guru when she disappoints us, for disappoint us teachers will at times. But if we make all who speak to us into potential gurus and sibyls of our destiny, then they cannot fail us, for they do not know they serve. We need to listen to all those who speak to us, and use our inherent discrimination:

There are many teachers. There are as many teachers as there are entities and experiences, and each will teach with a certain voice, a style that will be unique to that teacher. Those words which have value to the student will find their way to the student’s heart. This is why we always recommend that each student discriminate those words and concepts which we offer, and forget those that have no meaning, saving only those which ring of truth for that entity. We recommend that each student find those teachers with which the student is comfortable, for all teach and all learn.[902]

Other people, say those of Q’uo, are often able to say to us those things we are ready and ripe to think, but have not formed into words yet:

Those other selves that inspire and teach you are also allowing to move through them the same energy that is the energy of the deep mind’s wisdom. In your illusion, you may look at all other selves not only as teachers, but as mirrors also, reflecting yourself to you. Thusly, those things that inspire you in someone else equal those things that would inspire you from within if you were able to have access to the appropriate depth and location within the deeper mind. When inspiration comes from another, you are listening to that which you have already thought but were not able to bring close enough to surface awareness to deliver to yourself.[903]

I feel that we have unseen hands which are always attempting to help smooth our paths. Those of Q’uo say:

Many there are of an unseen nature who cherish and watch over the activities of those of your peoples as each day’s activities are accomplished. Each entity has those guides and guardians, friends and teachers in whose care the entity has been placed, in a metaphysical sense, so that there is for each entity a significant number of unseen hands and hearts that join in your journey. In addition, there are those whose honor and duty is more of a light-bringing nature so that your experiences are blessed from time to time according to the invitations, shall we say, that you make with your seeking, with your desire.[904]

We may depend upon these unseen presences, and upon their response to their realizing that we are aware of their help, and that we welcome and encourage it. Listen to everything, for there are voices on the wind! And they will speak directly to us, if we have the ears to hear.

Reading As A Spiritual Practice

Clearly, we who are wandering on planet Earth are already reading a lot, and learning as much as we can. But what I hope to cover here is the art of reading inspirationally, and the further art of seeing all words brought before the eye as having the same kind of potential as all other selves have as teachers. What people write down, however carelessly, also bears their essential beingness, and may present itself before our eyes in an outwardly unpromising form. It is for us to perceive the possible use of such words, whether the newspaper or the mail, a magazine, a circular or a sign on the street. Words have energy, and if they travel to us, they may well have a message for us.

Those of Q’uo see the reading of inspirational material to be helpful:

The reading to the self of material designed to increase one’s awareness of thanksgiving is recommended. Even repetitious reading of inspiring words is helpful, for sometimes those of humankind are resistant to feeling better about themselves, to accepting their limitations, and to continuing to offer the praise and the thanksgiving that is rightfully the one infinite Creator’s, who offered each of you and each of us a magnificent opportunity, the opportunity to grow, to be, to perceive and to act.[905]

It is a challenging thing, to ask of the self that it redefine the world it sees in terms of spiritual values and truths which are seldom evident in the world itself. Inspirational reading is a re-programmer for our thoughts, an entrainer of our mood and attitude. We will each find what inspires us. Whenever we feel the need of them, we can turn to these sources of inspiration, what we love to read and muse upon. For me, that means daily reading! The Q’uo find dailiness a good idea in reading for inspiration:

We encourage each who hears these words to take the self very seriously in terms of developing a daily practice that feeds the metaphysical self whether by meditation or prayer, contemplation or rumination, the gazing at inspiring objects or the reading of inspired words. You will find these techniques of entraining the mind to be most helpful.[906]

When we have found books, large or little, that work for us, we have found treasure indeed, friends we can turn to again and again. Some of the books I go back to are children’s books, and some are whimsical writings done for fun. What they have in common for me is that they restore me to myself. They help me to feel like my whole self, when that self has had a tough and fragmenting time.

One of the friends of my correspondence whose words have been my companions the longest is 282, a Canadian professional who began writing me in the early ‘80s and always looked upon his Earthly work as that which filled the time, after which he could read and study metaphysics. He relates:

At age fifty-nine I retired, having earned enough pension to live without working. My early retirement was an unusual opportunity to study metaphysics with single-minded intensity and devotion. Here, again, I think my higher self opened this door, knowing that I would respond to the appropriate catalyst, that the great challenge of third-density illusion is to grow spiritually.[907]

282 saw this time of leisure in his life as a grand chance to learn, and from that point until his recent departure from the Earth plane, he happily and devotedly studied. We have in the L/L Research Library his extensive system of note cards which are the result of all his decades of delving! Are these note cards going to be instruments of realization for another soul? Perhaps, for they are preserved, and ready to share. But their purpose has already been amply fulfilled, for as 282 wrote down the fruits of his daily study, he himself gained immeasurably from the study, and not simply because he was reading good books, but rather because he was looking at everything he read from a spiritual perspective, and he had a tremendous thirst for the task. Thomas Church shares this thirst:

What do I want to know? I want to know it all, now. I don’t want to be a know-it-all, but I really do want to know it all. And to really know something, you have to feel it from within, it has to come from within. Things that I read or hear from external sources are merely confirmations of knowledge I have gained from within.[908]

In the back-and-forth of learning, I hope we find the words that come to us to be very useful and provocative to further thought. In the largest sense, it is not just in calling upon faith, or visualizing, or working with dreams, or reading, or listening to teachers, that we are using applied spiritual science, but in every action whereby we move our thinking to a viewpoint that recognizes the aliveness and wholeness of the world around us, and that this world includes us as an integral and integrated part of itself. Thusly, the whole environment is liable to be offering us signals! If we can catch even one tenth of those signals, we will have material aplenty for spiritual evolution.

Chapter Thirteen: The Secondary Missions: Outer Gifts

The Doing Of Being

Before we concentrate in the next chapter on the main mission of all spiritually awakened beings, which is to be ourselves, I would like to touch on some of the ways in which we as wanderers can use our outer gifts in the service of others. We all come into life with a partially preformed personality and various talents with which we have chosen to be endowed during this incarnation. As we grow and learn, we find ourselves developing some gifts and forsaking others. It is part of discovering who we are to recognise our own gifts, and to choose the ones we wish to develop. From the near infinity of possible outer gifts I have chosen a variety of the ones people ask me about the most, and the ones I myself feel are worthy of thought. In discussing ways of using our gifts, I do not mean to make those who may not have such gifts feel that they should learn them, or feel guilty or lesser because they do not happen to be skilled at a particular gift. I simply want to consider outer service to others by looking through these various lenses at it. Joe Koehm writes:

We are all making drastic modifications in our lives. We are all reconnecting to the source. And as we all endeavor to reconnect rest assured all of our paths will go in different directions, but all knowing the destination will be one and the same.[909]

When looking at how we might serve by sharing our gifts, it helps to remember that we are all on the same path, that our connections to each other transcend linear processes and that our destination is utterly shared. As creatures of ineffable love, as part of one infinite being within the Creator of all there is, we enjoy a communion in which, by our very being, we make far more of a difference than we ever can by virtue of our most marvelous work in the outer world. This is helpful to realize, for the main distraction to thinking about sharing our gifts is the feeling that we must be doing something dramatic in order to serve. This is emphatically not true, in my opinion. We cannot help serving by our very being, either for the forces of love, or for the opposite, depending on the direction of our seeking. Any outer service we are able to add to the inner and primary service of being is icing on the cake. And any activity whatever in which we attempt to serve another is equal to all other attempts to serve of equal purity of intention. A wanderer, in her early forties and fresh from a life-changing UFO experience, was writing to me about her concern for serving others. It is extremely common for wanderers to have an urgency about being of service. I wrote to tell her my feelings that whatever we did with love was a service to others, and she responded:

When you told me that “doing the dishes and changing diapers” is still a form of service and that manifestation is only secondary my whole viewpoint changed, and I can feel joy within. All it takes is love. I just need to love myself more.[910]

Those of Q’uo echo this thought:

For it is not what service you do, it is the love with which you do this service that makes all services equal. It is not the healing or the feeding or the changing or the washing; it is the quality of love with which you do it.[911]

This quality of love is something scientists do not yet know how to measure. However, each of us knows people whose nature is such that they radiate love and peace to those around them in a wonderful way, so we each have our subjective ways of knowing what the Q’uo are talking about. The work of learning how better to serve by doing and being is subtle and subjective not only now, but for incarnations to come. Learning truly well how to serve the Creator and our other selves is not something we will polish off in one incarnation. It is something we can set our minds to studying for the long run:

You have moved into an area that will be continued in your development for many, many incarnations, and through at least one more density. This situation of loving, serving and trying to become the forgiving universal self, and, therefore, the forgiven universal self, is a sacred and a monumental task.[912]

Note the centrality of forgiveness in this statement. Again and again, we find the echoes of praise for this universally heart-opening quality. Forgiveness seems to be a part of many outer gifts! But what are the outer gifts that we consider most spiritually helpful? People generally list teaching, healing, statesmanship and channeling first when they are thinking of dramatic ministries, and we will talk about each of these. But almost any vocation can be a service to others. Wanderers have been suggested to have clusters of talent in the arts. And we have all been inspired by works of art, from songs and paintings to plays and movies, and all the rest. I feel that it is probable, however, that wanderers are no more liable to have artistic talent than any Earth native. The Q’uo suggest that the one asset the wanderer has in discovering her gifts is a more clearly apparent sense of faith:

The difference between [ET] wanderers and third-density graduation hopefuls is within the area of faith and intuition. The [ET] wanderer has more of an instinctive belief or faith in spiritual coincidence, in the aliveness of all things.[913]

This is a rather small advantage, and one that ET wanderers can use only if we trust in our intuitions. In either case, it will take practice! Those of Ra say:

As with any entities, each wanderer has its unique abilities, biases and specialities, so that from each portion of each density represented among the wanderers comes an array of pre-incarnative talents which then may be expressed upon this plane which you now experience, so that each wanderer, in offering itself before incarnation, has some special service to offer in addition to the doubling effect of planetary love and light and the basic function of serving as beacon or shepherd. Thus there are those of fifth density whose abilities to express wisdom are great. There are fourth- and sixth-density wanderers whose abilities to serve as, shall we say, passive radiators or broadcasters of love and love/light are immense. There are many others whose talents brought into this density are quite varied.[914]

Our concern, then, is to identify, develop and share what gifts we may have.

When the soul awakens to its spiritual identity, concomitant with the gladness of knowing who one is comes the honor and responsibility involved in the feeling that there is work to do, and for each entity that work has been prepared in the sense that each seeker has gifts and talents for which there is a use. We encourage each to flow with those talents, to support the self in using those gifts that have been brought into incarnation, that have been carefully chosen by each for the outer service, for the actions and accomplishment that each may choose to offer.[915]

Being A Passive Radiator Of Love And Light

292 is a wanderer with Pleiadian memories who considers himself a researcher into both scientific and metaphysical truth, and he says:

What is really important, the most valuable gift, the greatest accomplishment, the biggest challenge, the grandest joy, is to live the truth of one’s being, which is of the Creator. It is a true service, to be. Perhaps that is all one can really do.[916]

I do feel it is true that the being must inform the doing, or the doing is empty. In the outer gift of offering the self as a passive radiator of love, the being, done consciously, is the doing; the entire gift. We can, if we wish, take the main mission, which is to be most profoundly ourselves and to come into unity with the heart of love within us, and choose to pursue it consciously, every day, all the time. This conscious pursuit of the doing of the being is, I think, the very purest outer sharing of the inner gift of desire to serve, which is our greatest gift of all in terms of service to others, for we need to desire to serve before the opportunities we most hope for will come. Those of L/Leema say:

The greatest work that any can do at this time to maximize the potential for critical mass being achieved by harvest is in their personal dedication to the life of a contemplative who is also connected vitally with the environment with which he lives. That is, once gifts have been given to the seeker, it is then its responsibility to manifest those gifts in actions, in thoughts and in intentions, not necessarily by dramatic efforts such as becoming a pilgrim upon a dusty path, for there are many, many entities whose lives have touched hundreds or thousands of people by the simple beauty of their presence. There are those who have chosen to be the mothers and fathers of very needful souls, and who have generated more positivity and light for the planetary consciousness by this activity, humble though it may seem, as the mother and father doing the dishes, than the entrepreneur who goes upon the road feeling that it has found the answer.[917]

The being of doing needs to begin with being! When we feel love flowing through our hearts, we are ready to respond to the call for service. Those of Latwii talk about being a passive radiator as being on a kind of watchtower:

Some of you have chosen not only to experience within the incarnation to learn to grow and to serve, but also to maintain the high places within the consciousness, the watchtowers of love, which beam forth as light sources to the planet upon which you now enjoy incarnation, to the entities upon it, to the Earth itself and to those energetic vibratory levels within the Earth’s atmosphere which are in dire need of that great watch, faithfully held. Those of you to whom these words express a recognizable duty and honor may know that whether you seem to be a businessman, a homemaker, a queen or a shepherd, there is that inner citadel, at the top of which is a watchtower, and the only lamp that is lit is the lamp lit by the deepest heart as it gazes in worship and adoration from light into light, knowing light, accepting light, blessing light and allowing the crystal of the heart of hearts to turn the self into the metaphysical lamp upon the hillside, the city upon the hill, not for the notice or understanding or thanks of mankind, but for the doing of it alone, for the keeping of the watch. In many cases this, the keeping of a faithful watch, is the primary mission or task set for the self before the incarnation. There are many wanderers who have come to a confused and baffling plane and are saturated in the intricacies of incarnation, yet who still, again and again, in thought stray to the watchtower. If it calls you, go, not only in meditation. Allow the watchtower to call you again and again, for moments, for minutes, hours, for the incarnation, until your desire to serve as conduit for light and love on the totally unspoken vibratory planes is satisfied.[918]

This process of knowing the self more deeply has been compared to being born again. I think the reference is not to any specifically Christian act or process, but rather to the awakening of the spiritual self within:

Nothing can be known, but you have all inside; each of you has all inside. And as one approaches the self, more gently, more quietly and more aware of the true nature of the self, one is able to see that one is indeed born again, as so many of your peoples have been distressed to hear the phrase, born within as a self-aware, eternal light being, to aid the Earth that you so love, to aid the changes that must come. It is simply necessary to find who you are and then be who you are in the very most truthful way, the most honest way that you can. All else will follow.[919]

The ability to rest in the present moment is not a gift given to us all by nature. However, we can all work on it: we all have the capacity within us to some extent. The people who will find this outer service most appealing will be of two kinds. One kind is that person whose schedule is completely out of time, because this service can be done anywhere, doing anything else, as long as part of the doing is working on the being that’s doing the doing. (The mantra for this service option is “Do-Be-Do-Be-Do!”) The other person wise to take up this service is the mystical person who enjoys plunging into the unknown and mystery-filled present moment:

Each of you is aware that science describes this universe, this room in which you sit, to be specific, as a great emptiness within which, just as the night sky sparkles with stars near and far, the atoms and molecules of your bodies, of that upon which you sit, that of the air and of the floor, look back at you winking in the cosmic flow of energy. Each of you is galaxy upon galaxy, creation upon creation. There is in fact nothing but illusion and who you are is, in the end, that consciousness, that light being that is and was and shall ever more be, whether it is activated or has chosen to come once again into an awareness with the unpotentiated Creator. You are you. You are also all that you see and the Creator Itself. Within this illusion, however, each of you has made the vital choice that is the purpose of this entire density of learning, that choice being how to relate to the one infinite Creator. Shall you love the Creator by serving others, or shall you love the Creator by keeping others at a safe distance while you make yourself more powerful and thus more able to control your environment?[920]

For the passive radiator, the choice is to release all power over the moment except to love it and all within it. Of ourselves, we cannot do this, and help needs to move in to our balanced and opened hearts. This help, this love energy, is coming through all the time, but we need a bit of grace to become able to be aware of the energy and the joy and élan that it brings. We are so busy living our lives, it is very hard to remember that all of it is an illusion and that we are moving illusions around within other illusions in our daily lives, rather than accomplishing anything in the metaphysical sense. However, abundance of grace and help awaits our most slender plea and request for it. Ask, and we shall be answered:

Let that light within be; let the self open and flow consciously, so that you may be part of the good in the lives of those whom you touch. Sometimes it is nothing more than a supportive smile to a stranger that makes the difference for that stranger that particular moment. As you are given grace to lift away from the stains of sorrow and toil into the ethereal beauty of that ever-flowing love which is the Creator, remember to be generous, and know that that which comes through you is in utter abundance, completely unlimited in supply.[921]

One terse hint on accessing that grace comes from those of Q’uo:

We suggest simply that praise and thanksgiving move the mind and heart out of things into the absolute of all that there is.[922]

What to give praise and thanksgiving for? If things are good, for our blessings. If things are tough, for our catalyst and challenges. In all weathers, we can give thanks for our relationships, our many possessions and the comfort of them, our pets and friends and family and those for whom we are praying for healing, and we can give thanks for the endless beauties of nature, which those of Yom feel is especially helpful:

Firstly, the creation of the Father, as this instrument calls the second-density sphere and biota upon which you enjoy incarnation, is full and replete in undistorted love. Therefore, the Earth and its creatures are helpful, whether or not the individual entity is aware of this aid. Secondly, to one whose spirit rejoices in the creation and the energies of this harmonious and beautiful creation, these positive effects are many times magnified. We may note in this regard that the impulse to seek nature can be somewhat wayward when one finds oneself in a position athwart the forces of this natural, harmonious and sometimes inconvenient world of nature. Therefore, it is well consciously to pause in good weather and evil days alike, sun and rain, to give praise to the infinite One for this perfected manifestation, and to offer thanks for beholding Its face.[923]

Those of Q’uo sum up this sub-section of outer gifts with this remark about being a passive radiator to the planet at large:

A destiny awaits you. Your choice of how to fulfill it is always your own, and upon that fathomless, directionless sea of consciousness there remains much confusion. Yet, the love within others shines to light your way, and the light which moves through you from the infinite One is a lighthouse to others. Your being, your essential self, is your main service to the one Creator and to all of those upon your planet.[924]

Seeing People At The Soul Level

The outer service of seeing people as souls is one step removed from the conscious practice of being, in the sense of passive radiation, for it involves working with our relationships, with the people we are meeting day by day. There seems to be a wide variety in people. One fellow seems smart and another, stupid; one woman seems quick of wit and another, slow. Some of us are powerfully attractive, some of us are homely, and most of us are in between. If appearances are to be believed, we humans vary widely. The heart of the gift of seeing people as souls is lifting above these details and entering into an appreciation of all persons which has nothing to do with their details of age, gender, race, religion and status. Those of Q’uo say:

When your beingness touches in with the tabernacle of the most high and a portion of your consciousness remains in that holy place, then all places are holy; all entities are of the Christ consciousness, and the eyes with which you look at those entities are eyes infinite in their ability to channel the one original thought of the infinite Creator’s love.[925]

Perhaps this gift in us lies waiting to be given permission to be encouraged, for I think spiritual seekers are, by our very nature and tendency, far more able to see themselves at the soul level than those who do not think on such things. My experience with us outsiders on the spiritual path is that we tend to be quite aware of the illusory quality of the outer world and the higher level of reality in the metaphysical, inner world. As we become able to tap into more and more remembrance of the love which forms our most basic self and gives it life, we will become more aware of our own soul quality, and therefore more able to see it in those we meet. I do feel we can expect to form opinions about the people we meet on the outer level. We will take to some people more than others. But in our dealings with them, it is a strong blessing to treat all beings as if they were our most beloved children, or Christ Himself, as was Mother Teresa’s secret. She said that she would look into the fly-blown faces, the sores and smells and dirty bodies of the ill and dying, and by grace she would see Jesus Christ’s face, and so all her healing was a ministry of the most devoted love. I feel that this woman must have gone through years of becoming able to love and accept herself at the soul level in order to develop such an outstanding practice in the outer sense. How can we see others as souls, creatures of divine love, if we are judging ourselves? As those of Q’uo say:

Only insofar as you love, accept and refuse to judge yourself can you be compassionate in such wise to others. And only in compassion, as you see that treasure within you and within all, can you truly serve in a love that is without condition and that demands no return.[926]

This caution is a subtle one. The main sense of it is simple enough: if we are seeing someone as a soul, and that person has no appreciation of this service, this needs to be completely acceptable to us. In any service to others that is intended as polarizing towards the positive path, the gift needs to be given without stint, and any conditionality we have, however unwittingly, in our giving will come back to us in echoes that we will have to work out in the catalyst of everyday life. But further, we need not to need to help, in order to be of help. We need to be able to let go of the pain we see, and let it be all right that this person is in pain. Loving someone as a soul does not mean we can interrupt her processes or solve her problems, or that we should even hope to. Rather, it means that we are able to lift her, in our hearts and minds, beyond the confines of all limitations, including those problems. Mike Korinko shares:

There was someone that I am good friends with that was going through a really rough time. I was feeling frustrated and inadequate. I wanted to help her, but didn’t know how to go about doing it. Mira suggested that this was actually a distortion of non-acceptance of others’ free will to experience those things that I perceive to be painful. She said that if I were to respect this free will, then I would not feel the need to help. Once this was done, my energy centers would be cleared and the energy would flow more freely. This would help me to be more open with myself, and put me into a better position to be a catalyst if that was what I was there for.[927]

In this practice of seeing what is unseen and knowing the infinity of seemingly finite persons, there are shadows aplenty and many, many seeming failures, but those who gravitate to this service will tend to be easy on themselves to the extent that they realize that of themselves they could not offer this service of soul sight. The secret to this offering is the surrender of the small self and all other selves into the Creator that unifies us. Those of Q’uo say:

To be of the most efficient polarity in the positive sense, one must be willing and able to give freely enough of the self that one is not concerned whether there be a return for what is given … In this service, the one so serving trusts in that which is greater than the self to sustain this small self in its daily round of activities, that it might be nourished and supported in a fashion that will allow its service to continue.[928]

As we practice soul vision, we help our own quality of life, for one who sees from this level is a peaceful person indeed, seeing innocence within all selves, no matter what the outer appearance. Marty Upson says:

We are each at our own level of awareness, tolerance, ability to accept and forgive. Compassion is important. And seeing each other’s innocence, regardless of our reaction. If we could each see the other’s innocence in all matters, wouldn’t this be a beautiful world?[929]

Marty was writing this missive not just to me, but to a whole wanderer’s e-mail group that was wrangling about some matter at the time. A month later, some elements of the group must still have been feuding, for she wrote:

Perhaps we are here to see all through the eyes of love. If we were able to be at the place where we could bestow love on everything we see, even if only in our thoughts, would our perception of it change? Would it change? I believe so.[930]

Seeing others or ourselves with eyes of love, we are the Creator looking at the Creator. One aspect of this practice which is unexpected is the response factor. When we do work to release condition in our relationships with other people, there is some mechanism that sets into motion one blessing after another for us. Love can begin to come at us in waves, and it can be overwhelming. Let it wash through, the good opinion and the bad, let it come and go without holding on to either. Do not resist the evil we see; let it be, let it go. At the same time, do not resist the good. Let people say good things to us; accept love offerings when they are sincerely felt and given. It is part of seeing at the soul level for this lesson to arise. The Q’uo say:

Receiving the love offerings of others is the greatest gift you can give and is won by giving in service to others. When you reach the point at which there is no difference between receiving and giving absolute and unreserved love, then shall you be ready to learn the ways of wisdom. Until then, you must learn these lessons that seem so opposite: how to serve others, how to accept service from others. Yet, are you not looking in a mirror when you gaze upon another? Is that entity not looking at the Creator when he gazes back at you? Is this not the essence of your being?[931]

It has been my experience that this side-lesson of learning to accept love comes in cycles. If the wave of being loved gets too intense, hold on: soon, it will be balanced by catalyst from those who do not appreciate us! There was a time when I really could not take a compliment, being too much of a perfectionist and too aware of my shortcomings. I still have to work on it, but I get better. I am working on my response to not being appreciated, too, but I know that lesson far better, for giving without expectation of return seems an incarnational lesson of mine. I have talked to many wanderers who have identified this as one of their lessons in the school of life also. This makes sense to me. We wanderers came here to learn and to serve. The point of revisiting third density in the learning sense is to reexamine and remake our choice of polarity with more purity and power. Nothing sharpens polarity better than adversity. When someone is rude to us, we have the immediate choice: shall we see this person as an angry person assaulting us, or as a companion soul in pain? The Hatonn say:

When you gaze upon the rude address of negativity, think of the sick child and reach out your hand in compassion, and take cool water, and comfort that negativity with compassion and great feeling of brotherhood. You are that negativity just as you are positive, and to heal negativity is to take it into the open heart and love it. All that is not love will fall away.[932]

One venue native to this service is the inner watchtower within the heart, whether visited in contemplation, meditation or prayer. When we see the suffering of humankind, we behold a mighty and unfathomable sorrow. When we see one angry person, we see that same sorrow, projecting like a fountain from the general sea of woe. As we witness suffering, let us join those in the inner temple of prayer. As those of Q’uo say:

There are among you those who do a great deal of work within, calling it prayer or meditation or worrying or concern, sending love and healing to those who watch and suffer and wait and perish. There is a lovely orison sounding, with millions of souls blending at all times. Your planet prays without ceasing. Always, in every night watch, there are those millions unknown to you who keep the watch for humankind. When others sleep, you may well be raising your internal voice in praise of the infinite One in thanksgiving and in intercession for all who suffer. And so, by lives lived in some part sacrificially, the societal karma is being, to some extent, alleviated through the heartfelt caring of very many of your peoples.[933]

Seeing people at the soul level is a way of caring about others that is noninvasive and impersonal. It has a refined and philosophical aura to it, and remains within the self. Yet its use positively affects ourselves, those about us and the planet itself. There is much to recommend this gift for development.

Being There For Others

My great aunt Lisbeth is my all-time favorite relative. Being a typical wanderer, I was a totally unsuitable and unlikely child and teenager. I continue this tradition as an adult, and just about every relative I have has disagreed strongly with my thinking and decisions at one point or another. But not my Aunt Lisbeth. Whatever I was thinking, she found it interesting, provocative and a trigger for her own thoughts and the numerous literary quotations and artistic references she always had coming to mind. Whatever I decided to do, she found that very solution to be the inspired choice. We probably traded letters twice a month from my eighth year until shortly before her death, when she became unable to write and I was in my forties, and in all that time, her flow of encouragement and support was continuous. Aunt Lisbeth, for whom I am named, lived in Bryn Mawr, and no one in the family was located anywhere close to her, so her last years were spent completely alone, bent as a gnome, living in a convalescent center in constant pain. At her funeral, several people who lived and worked at the home rose to share their admiration of her, for she had been, even in old age’s growing unawareness of where and when, that same sweet and trusting soul who saw the good in everyone, and woke each day with a smile and an enthusiasm for living that was bone-deep.

Lisbeth was there for me. This asset was one of my treasures as a child, and the memory of it warms me still. Would that I could ever love life and persons with her degree of success! As a natural critic, I would ruefully say I am better at telling the truth as I know it than being of such blind and universal support. But I am convinced that the practice is profoundly blessed and powerful to serve. It is of the same basic nature as seeing people as souls, but rather than being impersonal and nonspecific, this practice works with people’s worldly sorrows and dreams, hopes and fears and choices, looking for ways to encourage and support others. In offering it, we are still seeing the self and other self as Creator, but we are more aware of our ability to speak and reach out in specific ways:

The Creator’s love can only be expressed, that support can only be given, by the hands that are of flesh. You are the Creator to those about you. Your support is the only way the Creator can support within the incarnation, within the illusion. Your hands. Your voice. Your smile. Your eyes. These things are your gifts to your brothers and sisters.[934]

Gypsee brings it right down to Earth:

I know just being who I am, and listening to others, and making them smile and laugh and not take the day to day stuff so seriously, that all is well![935]

Romi Borel shares her vision of this service:

In my search for myself and my purpose, I often overlook the most basic opportunities for service. Honoring and supporting my partner. Just preparing a meal with love and thoughtfulness is service. Taking a few minutes to read with my son. Calling my mother just to let her ramble. Often I get so overwhelmed in my seeking and my purpose and what I want to offer that I don’t take time to be the others in my life and understand what they need from me.[936]

I especially admire Romi for calling her mother! I despise the telephone and always hope to stay off the wretched instrument. But back to her statement: notice she said to take time to be the people in her life. Not be with them, but be them. It is a tremendously unselfish act to be there for another person, not putting forward our own opinions except where they support and encourage the other. The key is respect for their subjective point of view:

We ask each always to remember to respect what other people see, what other people believe and what other people hold true, not attempting to correct them but simply supporting them in whatever they do, for each has an unique path.[937]

Part of this practice is non-judgment, both in refraining from judging others, and refraining from judging how well we are supporting those we hope to serve. We will never get an accurate reading by taking our own spiritual temperature. To know how well we are doing, we shall need to wait until we have ended this earthly life, and find ourselves in sunnier, more clarified climes. Those of Q’uo observe:

We know that you desire to help, to serve, to love and to give. Love and serve that which is nearest to you. Cherish that which is given unto you, and release with gladness that which moves from you, for you shall pass in and out of many lives, and in your interactions those things will occur which you know not of, nor shall you know until you enter a larger life in which the veil is lifted and you are able to see clearly that which you have been able to do in service during the incarnational period that you now enjoy.[938]

In the normal course of events, we fail at being there for our other selves from time to time, at least, I do. Part of offering this gift of presence is the releasing of feelings of failure and self-judgment when we seem to fail to live up to our ideals. The Q’uo counsel:

Was this wagon that you hitched yourselves to a bit bulky? Sometimes in a desire to do so much, entities move faster than their deepest selves can walk. So, unhitch yourselves from this yoke. Let the wagon go; you have pulled it long enough, and come always together as new entities, new souls, newly dedicated as if at the very first of meetings.[939]

When there is a misunderstanding, when we are apparently of no support, let us accept the seeming disharmony with patience, releasing the need to be right or to be anything at all besides the voice and touch of the Creator, and finding the courage and strength to let such difficulties slip into the past. Then let us begin anew, re-seeing ourselves and the other self as one being within the infinite Creator’s unity. Sometimes this process can seem a long one, but if we persevere, we can enter into new and more fully supportive connections, as we find the springs of deep love within our own hearts flowing through us in infinite supply, and as we accept the grace and consolation of resting in faith.

Listening

Although I make no claims to be an expert listener, this outer gift is perhaps the most attractive to me of all of the ones in this chapter, and calls to me the most of any gift I may have given myself before this incarnation. Words fascinate me as much as people do. Language is slippery at best, and the way people use language is highly individual and subjective. What comes through in correspondence or talking may or may not be a linear, straightforward thing with a shallow bottom and clear meaning. Far more likely is a multi-layered piece of communication in which some questions and issues may be expressed while others remain unspoken and perhaps even unknown to the speaker. This is also the nature of the listening self, and each and every distortion and insecurity can baffle clear listening. How we hear people begins in a welter of our own unadmitted biases and progresses through patience, persistence and sheer learning experience and the ensuing humility. The greatest support to the practice of the gift of really listening is the daily practice of silence:

The keeping of silence, the keeping of the listening ear as part of the daily round of activity is always, we feel, an excellent practice, for in the silence, in the listening lies the key that unlocks the door of your own wisdom, that which is within the deep mind, that whose voice is silence and which can only be heard by the open and listening heart. We do not need to tell you how difficult a practice it is to maintain the silent and listening receptivity to destiny in a world in which intangible and invisible things are often given no worth or value at all. Yet, this practice is most productive of peace of mind and is very efficient in its own way at keeping the seeker upon the path chosen before the incarnative experience.[940]

The silence is a palpable thing. We can practice silence on walks, in exercising, if we turn off the headset radios and just enjoy the ambience, in meditation and prayer, in lounging in splendid leisure on a holiday, in just sitting and daydreaming. Jim and I went through a period of several years in which we kept silence for one full day a week, at a time when we were dealing with a lot of my illness and needed to work harder on the quality of our consciousness and life together. It was a practice that we found very rewarding and healing. Its only drawback was the amount of time we spent offering each other things we thought they might like! Without words to express our desire to serve each other, we did a lot of fetching and offering and, at meals, the passing of condiments. But that was only a minor drawback.

If we are attracted to the ministry of silent listening, we need to practice silence persistently. The inner self will still speak far too stridently to be considered truly silent, but over time I think the silence becomes more comfortable and native, and our quality of hearing becomes somewhat enhanced. The hardest thing to balance, for those of us with many opinions, is the desire to speak helpful thoughts. Those of Hatonn say:

Many are the well-meaning instruments who feel moved to serve and who then err on the side of doing and talking. If you are talking, you cannot listen. If you are doing, often you cannot hear. And in serving others, the function of listening is central. Entities are seldom what you expect. Things that appear simple at first glance may be found to be coming from a bias in that person whom you wish to help to which you must listen carefully to comprehend.[941]

In listening, the goal is not to form an opinion and prepare to speak. The goal is to become a mirror, clear and lucid:

We ask you to listen, not to speak, for in listening you provide a loving and compassionate mirror which mirrors back to that other self which is the Creator that which that other self is doing that it would not wish to do, to allow that entity to realize that which it is not doing that it does wish to do. In listening, you become a manifestation of the Christ. In listening and forgiving, you have moved ever closer to the mind of Christ.[942]

There is another aspect to listening. Sometimes, what a person wishes to communicate to us is, according to them, all about us and our shortcomings. We do not need to take in anger, rudeness or spiritual dyspepsia, but we do need to realize that even though a person’s anger may be inappropriate, we may be able to take the content of the actual criticism constructively, to learn something new about ourselves, and to gain from the process of examining the self. I find this an often difficult but always rewarding exercise, and emerge from such times of self examination refreshed and cleansed. Listening can be a Lenten pastime, but soul-searching and the willingness to humble the self are salutary growers of spiritual maturity. And bread does come back upon the waters: often, we find listening ears when we, ourselves, need to be heard.

It is the gift of each to each that in communication a more objective or unbiased viewpoint might be had by all. Each has gifts of this kind to give, and each has much to receive, even from those who seem to be negatively impressed and critical. Open the ears always when this occurs, for perhaps truth may lie there, and perhaps freedom might come from a new perception of this truth. For with each other’s help, the incarnational self attempts more and more to conform its vibrational pattern to that one original pattern of great selfhood. This is the object, to match the vibrational characteristics of the one infinite Creator. All of self-perceived selfhood is an illusion. All of creation is an illusion. There is nothing here. There is nothing there. There is only everything, and it takes up no time, nor space.[943]

The spiritually oriented listener, then, is listening in eternity, with the consciousness of the widest viewpoint, which is infinity, and yet she is also focusing on this one soul, this one thought process, this one area of concern and learning. It is a practice to delight the heart that yearns always to be better, to serve in a higher way, to become more pure, to honor the divinity in people more deeply. It is a nurturing method that is intangible, yet most keenly felt by the speaker. There is nothing like the feeling of finally being fully heard, or even heard at all. As with the exercise of all gifts, the listener becomes the learner of much. Beyond any understanding of the problems heard about, there is the process of resting more and more in the wordless clarity of silence to bring our minds and hearts to a more profound awareness of the self as a spiritual being. This is the greatest gift of silence: it gives us ourselves as it gives the speaker himself.

Communication

I thought about heading this section about outer gifts, “TALKING.” However, the other half of listening, as an outer gift, is not precisely talking. It is talking with an open heart. Those of Q’uo say:

Whatever the interactions between any two entities, the sweetness within the stream of moment-by-moment living is dependent greatly upon the selves’ ability to open the heart both to giving and to the receiving of information, communications and shared emotions such as affection, love or appreciation. It may seem, indeed, that some things never need to be said. Yet, if there is a kindly opinion, a good thought or that which occurs in the impulse of the moment which seems fair and loving to be shared, let that be shared, for when the breath is expanded in speech concerning the desire to love, to understand, to support or to strengthen another, that energy is as the healing that moves between the words, between the lines, between the thought, conceptions and intellectualizations of the rational mind. Language, indeed, could be well dispensed with were it not for the need to communicate, for that which most deeply uncovers and cleanses the self is most often not the rational, logical or common sense, but rather that speech or action which is intuited by that portion of the self which dreams and receives information from the subconscious, for that portion of the self which is visible is but the tip of a very large iceberg which is completely submerged beneath the surface of that water’s edge which is the alignment of the deeper mind, or subconscious mind.[944]

Communication, then, is not simply giving clear speech to a listener and sharing information in a way that a listener can understand. It is in responding to that which is heard, both in the words and between the lines of what the speaker has said, with an attitude of open-hearted love and a naive faith that thoughts can be most helpfully shared. This level of communication is not easy. It is both an art and a spiritual practice. As with the development of all outer gifts, it is necessary, before setting the goal of developing the gift on the outer plane, to do the inner work that brings the self more and more into an awareness of the full self. We do not become perfected, ever: ask any saint and he will tell us! The more ethically fastidious we become and the higher our vibratory level, the more clearly we will see our many faults. But we on the path of awakening must finally capitulate and fall in love with our error-prone, biased, ornery selves. That is what it takes to begin to communicate with transparency and clarity with ourselves and others in a way that is seen as a help and the sharing of a real gift.

We start talking before we open our mouths. The first thing we communicate is our basic vibratory complex:

Your inherent vibratory expression communicates more deeply, more searchingly than you shall ever know, than you shall ever be aware of, for the truth, as it becomes purer, is that which we are. And that is far beyond words.[945]

When we are working upon knowing ourselves, we may feel we are being too selfish. Nevertheless, doing this work is absolutely necessary in order to communicate! Our self-confidence and gladness of heart frees both speaker and listener to feel free to share. If we are not feeling radiant, our first work, before any communication is attempted, is to balance our attitude and find the way back to our own open heart. The art of communication is enhanced substantially by this conscientious clearing up through the green-ray center.

The clearing of the heart and its opening is exceedingly important and usually much of a seeker’s time is continually spent in keeping this heart energy flowing and radiant. The work turns, then, from the obviously radiant to a more tightly focused radiance in the development of communication skills which are based upon a certain depth of personality or depth of a point of view, that is in the blue ray center.[946]

The chakra clearing may well extend right through the indigo ray, for communication can involve the gateway to intelligent infinity in the seeker whose depth of personhood has moved into the adept’s circle. That depth of personality is hard won by most of us, and it tends to manifest as a humility, the humility of one who knows from experience that communication can fail badly. As in all aspects of the positively oriented path, pride has no place, and it is a waste of time for us to be proud of communicating well. We can be grateful for the gift, and glad when we do well, but inevitably, there will come the time when we fail utterly, while doing everything as well as we can. When these failures come, embrace them and do not be swayed. Just be ready to try again.

If an entity has the humility and the patience to work with another entity to achieve clear communication, nothing will keep that entity from achieving clear communication. But it is to the humble only that this becomes true.[947]

To humility I would also add patience, since when a communication is disrupted through misunderstanding, often the issues involved cannot be remedied in any short time. Sometimes there will need to be silence between two sensitive people while imbalances are adjusted within each person. Recently I was “flamed” in a rude nine page e-mail masterpiece of its ranting kind, in itself an humbling experience, by an old and good friend who has contracted divorce madness. I am presently experiencing a period of silence with my friend, whom I know to be a good and serious seeker, and in whom I trust. Right now, I can love her, pray for her and smile when I think of her fine qualities and quick wit, but I really can’t share any opinions with her without further hurting her. I inadvertently hurt her feelings deeply by sharing my opinions forcefully on a matter I did not realize had become sensitized. Further, I had expressed concern which was quite misunderstood to be a criticism. When I realized how insensitive I had been, I apologized, but it was too late. She did not believe me, feeling I had been far too critical. This brought me up against my nature, which is that of a far better constructive critic and sounder of principles than blind supporter. I knew this about myself already. I could see it was my opinions which hurt this woman, not actually myself as a person but my belief system. Belief systems will not always be useful to share. I needed to wait to be asked! That’s the lesson here: wait to be asked to share an opinion. I rest instead in the best forgiveness and silence I know to keep, for I want to be ready to begin again with her when we start to regain the trust in each other’s sincere support, respect and courtesy that has been the foundation of our relationship as two serious seekers and friends. These things take time, for rage to cool, for feelings to mend, for life to move on. Sometimes, part of communication is sitting with stones in our mouths and keeping the forgiving silence that respects the depth of someone’s pain and gives the gift of time.

Another very tricky thing about communication is that it so centrally uses words. Slithery as okra, the best of them, words are a poor substitute for concept, but it is the best we humans can do within the veil, shorn of our ability to receive concept communication from mind to mind. Those who are very good communicators often have this intuitive and subconscious ability at their conscious command to a degree, and it enhances their chances of using the clumsy symbols that words are.

Even the most intelligent and dedicated communicator uses words which have more or less power for the self, but not the same power for the other self. Consequently, communication on a logical, conscious level is almost bound to be often extremely difficult, never impossible.[948]

That matches my experience of communication over decades of a wide correspondence: we can get better at it, but we never get good enough not to err in hearing or saying. It is a wonderful challenge, to me, to find the most positive, honest and kind way of responding to a request for information, opinion or counsel. I believe in the sharing of concerns as a healing practice. As those of Q’uo say:

If there is an experience which is difficult, in that disease or fear of any kind is brought into the conscious mind, the sharing of this concern with another is that which begins the healing process, in that the energies expressing themselves as difficulty have an easier movement through the being when they are freely discussed and shared with another. Thus, the entity with the difficulty is assured at the most basic of levels that it is acceptable to another and that another cares for it and is willing to share with it on the difficulty.[949]

This goes back to the self-confidence that allows one to open the heart and let the native love stream through:

The truly opened heart often appears childlike because it is blindingly honest, speaking that which it thinks without judgment in an attempt to understand the self as well as other selves. In this configuration, the communication is at its most effective, given that there are those which can accept and communicate in return while hearing those blunt truths that may not be as pleasant as the euphemisms, rationalizations and clichés that surround most timid and tentative communication.[950]

Communication at its best is an intertwining and melting together of the mundane, the emotional and the philosophical, the many levels of thing and thought and two personalities being shared back and forth in the kind of liquid made by two minds relating. It is subjective, this melding:

What entities are doing when they attempt to speak the truth to each other is relating themselves to the other through the area of concern or question. The actual truth these entities communicate is in part the truth of themselves and only in part the truth about which the words are speaking. This is how central a part personality and relationship play in the business of seeking to speak truly.[951]

Sometimes, we are asked to give someone our opinion, and we know that it really matters to the asker. When we are asked, then the clarity of our communication is in being sure the heart is open, and finding the most positive way to say the truth. Let our truth shine without reservation:

There are times to be confrontive and surgical and blunt and honest, because the entity you wish to serve has got to know your point of view. Do not do this unless it is asked of you but when it is asked of you, in a compassionate way express yourself in clear communication, in brilliant blue ray.[952]

It is central to clear communication that we wait to be asked before blazing forth:

It is the work of some patience to come to that place where you are willing to wait until you are asked in order to attempt to be of service. This sounds very simple but is very difficult when you feel that you have something to say that will help another. When this feeling hits there is the urge to share, and we do not say that this is wrong. We simply say that it may not be service to others, for what entities desire they shall ask for, and it is when that other entity asks that that precious gift of service may then be shared.[953]

The art of listening through to the end substantially affects communication. Many people are caught by the temptation of listening just until they have heard something that catches their immediate response, then wanting to share that response. This creates a situation where one person is talking, but the other is looking for a chance to reenter the conversation to share that response, instead of continuing to listen. Part of developing the gift of clear communication with others is in hearing them out. I realize this can be frustrating if we have something to share. But we don’t always have to say the things we have to share! It’s not always the important thing to the conversation. The rest of that speech we think we already understand may take another turn entirely. We’d do better to continue to listen to the end.

If you become aware of a situation in which your words are not being heard, then it is that you may ask yourself whether you wish to be heard or whether you wish to allow the other self to express that which that self wishes to express and assume a role of simply listening. In many instances the appropriate response we would say, metaphysically speaking, is simply to abandon the desire to be heard and become a sounding board that can hear what an other self is attempting to say. This yielding up of the inner agenda and the thing to say is a mark of spiritual maturity. It is an action very difficult to complete, for there is within each self a deep well of desire to be heard, to be heard by the self, and to be heard by those other selves which have meaning for the self. And yet many times the straightest and shortest distance to clear communication is to become silent, to release the desire to be heard and to accept, temporarily, a role of purely listening.[954]

Again and again, we will find silence to be an extraordinarily graceful resource that enhances communication. And if that silence is to heal, it greatly needs the balm of forgiveness, of the self, of the other self, of the blockage between, of the pain of failing. Again and again, we must flee to the heart and seek to rest in the love of the infinite One, in working with this outer gift of speech with another.

If there is a failure of direct communication, for instance, between yourself and another entity, opening the heart involves not only speaking with that person to the full extent of one’s capacity to communicate, but also forgiving the other self, yourself and the situation which arose betwixt the two which did not partake of the open heart. The blockages of each lower chakra are fairly easy to pinpoint, since as the energy is blocked there is also a feeling tone within one, an uneasiness, which speaks as loudly as any words, and certainly far better than any rationalization of behavior or thinking.[955]

It does help, in times of challenged communication, to look at the issues involved, and to look within the self for what energies within the system are being baffled. The rational mind can be of good use when used as the tool of inquiry. The details of energy balance are informative and interesting. They do not, however, amount to half the weight of the intuition and spiritual forces that lie beneath, or beyond, that entire level of speaking and words. Always look to the heart for its truth, find the truth that love’s energy brings if we can, for when looked at with eyes of love, even the most difficult truth becomes possible to communicate.

The world runs on words. Every grocery we buy, every call we make, every meeting we attend, is fueled by words upon words upon words. Communication is one outer gift we all perforce develop all our lives. It can be a wonderful spiritual practice as well as a shared outer gift to pledge the self to communicate ever more clearly. I wish us all good fortune with it.

Teaching As An Outer Gift

For those of us who desire to be professional teachers, there are books, courses and entire colleges dedicated to teaching the art, and this sub-chapter is not intended to be the equal of such training tools as those. However, I intend to glance into the role of teacher with those around us, as we are placed again and again, throughout the course of our lives. The following thoughts have been of help to me. Those of Q’uo say:

The ideal between teacher and student is a union wherein each shares what each has brought and the other listens in a way that does not distort and together there is the plaiting of one strand of thought with another and another and another, in a rope or string of new connections and new facets to the subject that both are focused upon. This is the kind of teaching which gives both new strength and a new awareness and a continuing desire for more.[956]

Hopefully, we have all had companions at bright times in our lives whose converse with us was of just this type.

Know that when you come in contact with all entities, each is teaching each.[957]

In this sense, the skill of teaching is not to climb upon the dais and pontificate, but to sit in democratic equality with those with whom we converse, and allow our ears to hear and our hearts to respond. It seems a mighty modest way to frame the job of teaching, but it follows my experience of my own best times of teaching, which have occurred in lively conversation, not one-sided lecture. In those times, and in all times of my own experience of counseling and teaching, I have been the one taught, at least as much as the other. The Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow also express this:

In teaching, it is the teacher who learns, far more than the student. And so we who are hoping to be of service to you know, paradoxically, that you are already of inestimable service to us, and if there could be one light that held us all that you could see, that would be the physical manifestation of reality of the situation within your circle and its contact with us at this time. We are one with you. We love you, and all of us love and serve the Creator, and seek the truth.[958]

May I say that our small circle has greatly appreciated contact with these beings whose attitude is so uplifting towards greater principles, and so humble in terms of claiming to be an authority. This they specifically refuse to do. They prefer this democracy of teach/learner and learn/teacher. Those of Ra add a wry thought on this point:

To learn is the same as to teach unless you are not teaching what you are learning; in which case you have done you/them little good. This understanding should be pondered by your mind/body/spirit complex as it is a distortion which plays a part in your experiences at this nexus.[959]

In this day when we are faced with such large amounts of knowledge to attain if we can, we may well be pulled off our areas of expertise quite often, and as we drift into unknown seas, it is very wise of us to admit when we do not know a thing and to become the listeners! And even when we think we know for sure, it is well to remain happy to share our opinion and then let that go. It is at base a matter of profound respect, the respect we have for the teacher in the other and ourselves as well as the student and the soul in both. We are not trying to be smarter than each other. We are trying to come upon our truths. Sometimes we can use each others as compasses, and always as mirrors:

Each and every experience of self to self is an experience of holding up the sacred mirror which can be shared in the precious experience of mutuality, which is in some way uniquely possible within the third-density working. Each self offers to one a reflection of the One Self that one is. So even if it should be the case that the social and experiential nexus in which one relates to another self suggests a certain asymmetry in the relation, such that one is in the role of teacher while the other is in the role of student, even so, it needs to be understood by both parties that in the very measure that one is teacher to another, one is also pupil.[960]

As with the gifts of listening and communicating, the art of teaching involves letting our beingness shine for what it is, and letting the beingness of the student shine as well, and allowing non-linear connections to be made that will enhance the flow of communication between the two.

The greatest gift that the teacher has to give is the beingness of the teacher. As soon, however, as this beingness is contracted into mere personality which the teacher may claim as its own, it has been lost as a source of inspiration to the student, even though the student may continue to take it as such. There are connections of energy that connect student to teacher, though we find in principle that these connections are not different than those connections of energy which prevail from one loved one to another. And just as the lover must be prepared also and equally to be the beloved, so must the teacher be prepared also and equally to be the student. All our fellow seekers in the spiritual world, all of the distinctions which can in the veiled experience seem so important, vanish into utter nothingness, leaving but a full democracy of spirit; one seeks then with all of creation.[961]

In the seeking of all creation, we and our fellow seeker are just one seeking portion. I love this image of all of us and all of our processes as part of one great seeking of planet Earth’s peoples. One thing is sure: students can spot a teacher who is sharing herself as well as her subject, and who is willing to listen and learn:

Students are well aware, whether teachers are or not, that a great deal, sometimes a majority, of what a teacher brings to teaching is not on the subject that is being taught, for teachers teach first of all by who they are and how they allow entities to come within their gates of acceptance. Those whose teachings affect students most are those who allow the students to learn the teacher as well as the teaching, for each is a teacher in that each presents a certain complex of vibrations to the world and those fundamental vibrations are as clearly perceived by a student as are the words spoken, so that the teacher who has truly been called to be a teacher has a store of being that it is willing to share. This beingness, this way of living and of presenting the self, is a catalyst to the student on a deeper level, shall we say, than the actual subject matter which has been discussed.[962]

Jim McCarty and I used to hold workshops on channeling and aspects of the Law Of One information at L/L Research in the 1980s. At one point in this outer-oriented teaching, we realized that, in our own perception, we no longer had anything we really felt the desire to teach except whatever people might pick up by our being and the way we live our common life. Now, we have annual homecoming celebrations at L/L Research. A great deal of learning takes place on those weekends together, but it is created organically by those who attend. We specifically model the democratic teach/learn, learn/teach situation. Each attendee comes with a story to tell, gifts to share, and topics to pursue. We tell our stories, share our gifts and discuss the topics. Jim and I have archive material to get us started on almost any metaphysical subject. Within discussion wonderful synchronicities occur, and much learning takes place, quite naturally and spontaneously. Not that we recommend this to replace what other light workers are offering who are teaching excellent workshops and courses. Not at all. It is just that for ourselves, the realization of this teaching of beingness as a legitimate form of teaching has been a revelation, and has revolutionized the way in which we offer ourselves and L/L Research to the world. The point here is to be fearless and creative in discovering just what our voice as a teacher is:

There is no formula for right teaching. There is no formula for the proper way to go about being a student. We would prefer to say that the teacher/student relationship is ephemeral, and is essentially an event that is of the order of an opportunity. It is an opportunity for mutual sharing in a way that does not bias in advance the outcome of that sharing. Only teaching which is given without expectation, and openly, is teaching which partakes of this unique and seemingly paradoxical effect whereby the student is simultaneously teacher to the teacher.[963]

It is a central point to teach without attachment. As a spiritual gift, teaching is a chance to share a fact or a point of view, or both. To require the student to “get it” is not a good spiritual idea. Drop the seed with love, and move on, as Charlie says:

I have shared my discoveries with many people and very few to have the interest or capacity to make their own discoveries. At first this would drive me nuts, but now I am getting used to it and have learned more appropriate ways to plant seeds, planting seeds in a non-linear flower bed, knowing that they have bloomed already, rather than force feeding, thinking that they will never grow without constant attention.[964]

This is a hard attitude to maintain sometimes, for anyone with deeply felt opinions and good things to share. But truth is a seed, and we must be content to let it grow at its own speed. Indeed, sometimes, we cannot even drop that seed, for first, we need to feel that we have been asked to drop that seed of thought:

Wise is the teacher who waits for the student to ask to indicate interest in a subject, a concept or a train of thought, for what the teacher essentially is for the student is a kind of catalyst that bears a weight, a heaviness, a bottom which balances and makes stable for that student the point of delivery for the catalyst given. All are teaching each other, sometimes intentionally, often unintentionally. But when the entity teaching is not self-perceived as a teacher, the teaching that comes to the other is interpreted for the most part by the other as having no weight. It is not a kind of teaching that attracts because it is completely random, each person responding to the other and each teaching each.[965]

Having less weight as a teacher is a real blessing in a way, for it frees up both teacher and student. When we think of each other democratically in a teaching environment, I think we are all more liable to learn. When I talk to those who are working with me on some issue, sometimes I am aware that the writer is weighing my words as authoritarian, and if I sense that pedestal going up, I try to create a reality check and encourage the writer to value her own powers of discrimination over anyone’s opinion, including my own. However, I rejoice in each chance I have to share the ideas and ideals that are so much a part of my own spiritual journey, and I hope that each of us will see all communications with others as teach/learning and learn/teaching opportunities.

One more type of teaching needs to be covered in a handbook for spiritual outsiders, for it is fairly common for us, and that is the teaching that goes on during sleep. Some of us have experienced being taught in such classes during sleep, and some of us have experienced being the teachers. Within the precincts of sleep, we are free of the veil of forgetting, for the most part, and so these things are quite possible. Those of L/Leema say:

Many there are who accomplish this service while in the sleeping and dreaming state, moving at that time to be of aid to others in a similar state. This is the means by which many healings are accomplished and the means by which many teachings may be presented that will nurture the being when the subconscious mind which has absorbed these teachings releases them in a careful fashion to the conscious mind at various times during the entity’s waking experience.[966]

If we have not been able to come to some understanding within our waking life, then, ask the question of ourselves as we are going to sleep. And remain alert for our dreams and waking memories of them. Help is everywhere! Teachers are as well.

Healing

Just as we are all teachers, we are all healers in potential. Defining what we mean by the word is the first challenge. Those of Hatonn take it up, starting with medical doctors such as we have been used to in our culture:

We shall begin with the normally accepted realm of healing as it is experienced within your density, this known as the allopathic method of healing, where the healer assumes the greatest amount of responsibility for the one to be healed and its healing process. You may see this as an action from outside of the one to be healed and as some kind of salve upon the wound, the presence of the healer therefore being necessary in order for what is loosely described as the healing process to occur.

Now we move to that realm of healing which has just begun to surface in the conscious knowledge of this group, that being the contact with intelligent infinity, by which the healer offers to the one to be healed the opportunity to accept a new configuration of mind/body/spirit more congruent with that configuration known as health. In this process the healer has no will, but offers itself as an instrument or a channel for the intelligent infinity present in each entity.

Between these two types of healing lie many steps. Those seeking to become healers travel this path that joins these two points. At each step along this path the healer does become transformed so that it does practice upon itself what you might call the healing process, so that the injunction which is old among your peoples of physician, “Heal thyself,” is indeed accomplished. This healing of the one desiring to become a healer does then allow this entity to provide other entities with this same opportunity. As this process continues, as the healer does become what is called healed or what might be more clearly defined as balanced in its energy centers, and balanced in mind, body and spirit, then it is able to provide this opportunity to other selves.[967]

Two distinct kinds of healing are talked about here. One is the kind of medical practice that I was brought up to think of as healing, with doctors and medicine and hospitals if we are really ill. The other is a kind of mental practice which posits health as a state of mind or spirit in which lies balance, love and forgiveness, and claims a higher world’s perfect image and form as greater and more powerful than the outer physical illusion. Those of Q’uo say:

We see the concept of healing or health having to do fundamentally not with the physical vehicle nor simply with the mind or mental vehicle but rather we see healing as that which creates a broader or deeper faith. For what is health but the just proportion or balance of energies within the individual self? Health is not simply a matter of sickness and curing sickness. Health has to do with the balance of energies within the self so that the self is tuned, shall we say, as much as can be achieved by the seeker to a continuing awareness of the self as a child of the infinite Creator. Healing begins with the realization that love and loving constitute wellness.[968]

Love and loving constitute wellness: what a simple concept. And how many levels of meaning that can take! Loving and forgiving ourselves heals. Following the love in our relationships heals life problems and dilemmas and gives us new opportunities for learning and service. And living in the heart, living with love flowing through, is living healthily. All of those meanings stem from that one sentence, a pithy one indeed. Talking about relationships, those of Latwii note that:

The hope of each entity is to become healed, and healing may be defined as that state wherein the karma is balanced with each soul with whom you come into contact, and your realization of yourself is a realization of yourself as whole, perfect, beautiful and a child of the infinite One.[969]

This realization is only possible through seeing the self and others with eyes of love:

The greatest healing is that love which is at the heart of your being and may be shared at each moment of your existence with each entity you meet. There is no greater magic nor healing than the love, the forgiveness and the compassion for those who walk upon the path of evolution with you.[970]

How to generate this atmosphere of love? The first suggestion that comes to my mind is to live in praise and thanksgiving. Easier said than done! In response to a question about the potential of gratitude, those of Q’uo have this to say:

You asked about the healing potential of the practice of giving praise and thanksgiving to the one Creator of us all. We would say that there is tremendous healing potential in this practice, and that the potential for healing is in fact far greater than any within this room realizes, as the experience of healing is itself a far broader phenomenon than is generally recognized. For healing reaches out into all parts of the living experience, as it is a process whereby the spiritual entity becomes more and more fully aware of its own potentials and its true nature. It is but the tiniest sliver of a result of this deeper process that may yield the experience of the physical healing.[971]

One aspect of this spiritual way of looking at health is that illness is seen, in this paradigm, as love that has gone wrong. It is still love energy, for what else is there but love? Therefore, it is peculiarly vulnerable to less distorted thoughts and states of love that can be substituted for the love that has gotten tangled. The patient who sees himself as ill with blocked or distorted love energy is ripe for healing of a spiritual nature. The less belief in the solidity of illness, the better for the one who wishes spiritual healing.

Because the mind and body are so closely linked, they are indeed responsive to love. You may name any emotional or mental complex distortion that has caused illness that you wish, and we say to you that this is love, poorly expressed. But the mind is not closed, and consciousness is as creative as you allow it to be. Consequently, those who undertake, in healing, the will to health, and a faith that that which has been caused by their own minds’ concerns can certainly be turned around, will indeed respond to positive suggestions. Indeed, the habit of saying anything whatsoever about the self or others that is judgmental is a harmful and unhealthful thing to do, both metaphysically, and physically.[972]

The things we say go down into our bodies. Let us be very careful what we decide to say!

When the tongue of judgment is quieted, the tongue of joy and peace is loosened, and one may speak to the self while working on the personality, attempting to understand it and see the balances that are desired. In words of comfort and support from the self to the self, the open heart creates the opportunity for the entity to fall in love with itself, to love it dearly, not simply as a perfect expression of the perfect Creator. That is relatively irrelevant to the experiences of choices made. It falls in love with itself with all self-perceived imperfections thriving gloriously. It sees the self in all its rambunctious childishness, and nods happily, saying, “Yes, that is humanness, I recognize it and I embrace it.” The heart is no longer, then, the “rag and bone shop,” the place where sad memories are wrapped in tissues only to be opened again, that the scent of failure may be relished. The open heart has itself a yard sale, and sells off all of its rags and bones to the universe, to the Mother that is your Earth, to the deep healing essence of your planetary caretaker, the Earth itself. It is often well, when one is attempting to achieve the open heart, to take all the judgments and name them, and take a stone for each one and name the stone and name the judgment, and bury these stones and the judgments that they be carried in the breast of the Mother, the Earth of your planet. And then hold the hands on high, and say, “Mother, take this for I know not how to heal it, and I know you do.”[973]

This is a powerful way of objectifying this process for the self of becoming forgiven and forgiving. The idea here in burying stones is to realize that these issues can be risen above to a level where all is love; all is one, and what ever errors and distortions our thinking has led us into, there is healing in the reaching for that level of thinking that lies beyond all limitations of thought, that level at which the law of the oneness of all things is realized. Moments of such flashes of realization are rare and wonderful:

One of the primal distortions of the Law of One is that of healing. Healing occurs when a mind/body/spirit complex realizes, deep within itself, the Law of One; that is, that there is no disharmony, no imperfection; that all is complete and whole and perfect. Thus, the intelligent infinity within this mind/body/spirit complex re-forms the illusion of body, mind or spirit to a form congruent with the Law of One. The healer acts as energizer or catalyst for this completely individual process.[974]

Whether we are attempting to heal ourself or another self, then, we are attempting to align ourselves with the Law of One, in which all rests in the one great original Thought or Logos, which is infinite love.

The healer’s skill, then, is to a great extent involved in continuing to attempt to match the basic vibratory rate of the one original Thought, which is infinite intelligence or love. It is well that a healer not consider its detailed picture of balanced health as perceived by the self. The more skillful attitude is to persist in whatever circumstances with the attempt to move the vibrational focus in tuning to as close to the original Logos as possible in any given circumstance.[975]

By doing this work of tuning the self, the healer is crystallizing the self’s balance within the heart:

The one great requirement of a healer is that the healer be one with the desire to live a balanced life. The balance of a life is unique to each entity, yet the key to that balance is that within the hurry-scurry of the daily round, the healer has hollowed out a place within heart, mind and spirit wherein the light exists and is acknowledged, so that at all times the healer is capable of being and functioning as a living crystal.[976]

The function of the healer is like that of a crystal or any other catalyst that alters without itself being altered. The crystal is used as an example in the quote above because of discussion Don Elkins had with those of Ra about the healer itself as a crystal that might substitute for such a crystal in a pyramid, or in the hands of a healer who swings crystals. In this model, the healer is simply there, traducing the light that pours through him. He does not do anything but create an opportunity or atmosphere in which the one to be healed may choose a new way to use incoming infinite light.

The healer does not do anything. The healer does not heal. The healer presents to the one requesting healing an opportunity. Therefore, to the healer, we would always suggest the surrendering of that personal agenda which is natural for any healer upon viewing an illness or the physical evidence of an illness. It is so easy to feel that one shall do this and that and it shall operate in a healing modality. Actually, it is well to remain humble as a healer for the healer works upon its own self and in no case does the healer heal.[977]

In other words, don’t look at the illness or condition that looks unhealed. Rather, allow the perfection of the original form that still exists at a higher spiritual level, undistorted and powerful, to reform the outer picture. How can we, as beings wishing to heal ourselves and be a healing presence for others, work upon ourselves? Those of Ra say:

Firstly, the mind must be known to itself. This is perhaps the most demanding part of healing work. If the mind knows itself then the most important aspect of healing has occurred. Consciousness is the microcosm of the Law of One.[978]

Within this handbook, we have spent two chapters on resources for getting to know and to discipline the self metaphysically. As one who has worked to know my own complete self for decades, I can cheerfully report that it is a longer job than I have been able to accomplish so far, but that I feel we can make substantial progress by looking without blinking at our thoughts, all of our thoughts, including those we have when we have been wounded for some reason:

The self is as the soldier at the line of battle. Often there is incoming fire that wounds the self. This wound needs to be attended to. The wounded self needs healing. The healing takes place due to the seeker’s willingness to open the self and its imperfections to the centering influence of the largest perspective. Now, the largest perspective is that of love. In love the opposites are reconciled. This love is the seed of each of you, the truth at the center of you. It can be realized, not by taking it, but by releasing self so that that self which has suffered during the unbalanced actions of self can be bathed in the living water of truth.[979]

As those practicing the gift of healing, we will be always attempting to bring ourselves back into our own hearts, into those living waters that are the balm of Gilead. 149, a nurse and wanderer, says of her work:

The patients always feel very loved and touched, even when what I am doing with them is a very difficult and embarrassing procedure. The doctors and surgeons I work with are forever telling me that the patients can’t stop talking about the love they can feel coming from me to them.[980]

This atmosphere of love is the healing atmosphere. Spirit lives in this aura, and health is close behind. Before we ever hope to be a healer in the spiritual sense, we need to find and come into this attitude of open heart and flowing love, so that the balm runs through us. And if we are hoping to heal another, be sure that the other wishes to be healed, and wishes our help, in order to avoid infringement on free will.

To heal without the permission of the one to be healed is not advisable, and we may further add that in most cases, not possible, for the one who is to be healed must not only give permission to be healed, but must also take part in the process by opening the self to the energies of a healing nature which are being prepared for that entity and which will be transmitted through the channel known as the healer. Because each entity is part of a oneness, each entity participates in the transfer of energy from one part of the oneness to another.[981]

Heikki Malaska agrees that without the patient’s express request, healing attempts are useless:

I have been able to assist people in healing themselves in cases when they have been ready and willing for it. In other cases, no matter how I have tried, I have just managed to produce frustration for myself, until I realized the person did not welcome change. So I have learned to listen to my hands and heart, they know long before I do, whether someone needs assistance.[982]

The practice of the art of spiritual healing is a beautiful expression of an outer gift most of us have to some extent. If we are meeting the moment with an open heart, we are ready to be a healing presence. May we all be inspired to come to that open heart again and again! May we hope to be a blessing to others, if only because we smile at them instead of frowning, or speak to them gently instead of brushing them off. There are an infinite number of ways to express acceptance, forgiveness and hospitality of spirit. May we find just a few of them!

Doing Global Work

Doing work to better the planet is an outer gift about which few seekers have questioned our sources. Perhaps the wanderers of Earth are not, in general, well geared to think like politicians, ecologists, environmentalists and so forth. I have found this to be true of myself. In my youth, I tried activism as a way of expressing my love of equality of the peoples of Earth, but I confess to being an abject failure at it. There is much more to marching for a cause than believing in the cause: we must, in order to last at this grueling service, be convinced that the tactics we use are effective, even when they seem forced and false. I encourage those of us with the grit to last to take up government and statesmanship, if we are so led. I believe deeply in the possibility of a planetary peace process and in the hope of bettering our treatment of Earth and her peoples’ resources. Don Elkins asked the Ra group:

Questioner: Can you describe the mechanism of the planetary healing?

Ra: I am Ra. Healing is a process of acceptance, forgiveness and, if possible, restitution. The restitution not being available in time/space, there are many among your peoples now attempting restitution while in the physical.[983]

Spiritually speaking, restitution within the physical illusion is a matter of becoming able to view global and national issues within the context of the open heart, as Chandara says:

It is time for all of us to join together in unity and harmony of light.[984]

Leigh Tremaine enlarges on this thought:

By building and nurturing a positive vision of world peace and love in our meditations and our thoughts, the energies will ripple outwards to be felt by all. The more that we acknowledge that we are part of a planetary consciousness, and offer upliftment and inspiration to others around the world, the stronger those ripples will become, and the further they will carry. This is a most crucial time to sow the seeds of a new world of peace and love. You do make a difference! The spirit of the Earth calls out for us to remember that we are the guardians of the Earth. Answer her call and together, united as one, we will sing this planet awake![985]

Singing the planet awake sounds impossible to the outer ear that looks at statistics and probabilities. We in Europe, the Americas and the older stations of western civilization are using far too much of the Earth’s resources, yet much of our world still experiences lack, privation and hunger. The large portions of the third world and new world which are as yet ungraced by capitalistic-style entrepreneurism and money accumulation are often in acute lack, starvation and mortal danger. Worldwide, many countries as yet treat portions of their population like slaves or pariahs. In many places eastward of the Levant, it can be highly uncomfortable, limiting or fatal to be born a woman. Most of all, our peace process languishes while little wars continue and strong nations impose their wills upon weaker states. However, those of Ra suggest that we need never give up the firm hope of progress. They speak of going into a grocery store to buy a container of “aid the planet”:

Although you have many, many items which cause distress and thus offer seeking and service opportunities, there is always one container in that store of peace, love, light and joy. This vortex may be very small, but to turn one’s back upon it is to forget the infinite possibilities of the present moment. Could your planet polarize towards harmony in one fine, strong moment of inspiration? Yes, my friends. It is not probable; but it is ever possible.[986]

Improbable possibilities have always been one of my favorite loves! A New York City wanderer, Apache, sends me this communication with her spirit guide, Andeamo, with whom she talks on a Oui-Ja board:

Apache: Will telling Carla about us be beneficial to her wanderer book?

Andeamo: Yes. It will help her to finish the book and she will be thankful to us because she wants to make the book a guide for wanderers and you are surely a wanderer on the Earth plane. For all this life momentum is to be given unto service to others, so you must write to her very soon and be more specific than just to say there is some spirit on your paper because she will want to see the letter writing.

Apache: OK, but what part will be most interesting to her?

Andeamo: All of the writing will interest her but more specific will be that which speaks on the role of your life on this plane.

Apache: I don’t remember your speaking on my role on this Earth plane. Please reiterate.

Andeamo: Your role is to help people find the most effective way to live in man-made environments, because you will find that the moment you allow life to be your director, then all life will have to be good. You will see all man-made problems to be eradicable.[987]

Although this makes less than perfect sense to the linear mind, I believe it is the truth: all of our humanly created problems are solvable. But more than that, global peace is possible. It starts within each of our hearts:

This instrument is concerned for the peace of the world and prays for it often, and yet if this instrument prayed for peace within itself, it would be the same prayer. Indeed, it is our humble opinion that the most efficient way to bring the world to peace is to learn peace within the self, for as you think, as you are, so your universe in toto is also, for your consciousness is as a field and each bit of fear that you are able to let drop, each time that you find your heart expanding, the consciousness of your planet is being lightened.[988]

We need to express stewardship of our planet in our own individual ways. If we are persons who wish to be a part of the global peace process and are willing to lend this effort time and focus, let me encourage our efforts! If we are nascent politicians, environmentalists or any other form of activists wanting to serve in political office or peaceful protest, campaigning to repair damage or save a species, do not let me take one whit of energy away. In my own life, I have found that although I do not march well in picket lines, I can clean the church kitchen, which then is able to take on its missions a bit better. I believe that anything we do as a volunteer to aid the environment, help erase ignorance and illiteracy, feed the hungry, free the innocent prisoner or help the ill in hospice or hospital, will add its bit to the well-being of the community and the world. Donations to the arts feed into the community which is then able to share vision with its disadvantaged. Whatever we do, whatever we give in the world to add to its beauty and decrease its suffering, helps. Some of the outer ways of serving others take a degree of toughness which many awakened spirits may not have. If we identify ourselves with those sensitized souls and find ourselves shrinking from committee, caucus and protest, then let us resolve instead to develop our ability to think and envision globally, to see ourselves as one planet, one folk, one population. We are the people of Earth. It is up to us to give to the Earth our song of being and of love, in hopes of fulfilling our service to the planet and benefiting all people. Let us place and keep peace within our hearts daily, and invest faith in the positive future of humankind as we move through this end time, where a new world is being made within us and within our planet. May we sing with the grass, the wind and the stars, of love and light and unity.

Channeling

Since vocal channeling happens to be an outer gift that I have been offering for three decades, this avenue of service is one especially close to my heart. However, I do not feel that vocal channeling is the form of this outer gift which all seekers should aspire to attain. The channeling of the life itself is far more my center of interest. The Q’uo say:

There is no one who is not a channel; there is no life which is not primarily a channeled existence. By this we mean that each of you carries within the self deep and unconscious forces neither to the good nor to the evil as much as to the deepening of experience. The more times in which the student may recognize the depth of the present moment, the more shall that soul channel more and more in a biased fashion, in an engaged fashion, in an enabling fashion for service to all and for love of the infinite Creator.[989]

Our psyche interacting with the present moment, then, is the engine that fuels our channel, that gives it fodder to assimilate. Note that the goal in channeling the life is not to become free of bias, but to intensify, deepen, celebrate and share our biases towards service to others, devotion to the Creator, and faithful witness to our own processes.

Each of you is a channel with biases, and each glad and sad activity within your experience upon this Earth plane is designed to teach you just how you wish to channel. This is not a vocation. This is a portion of the way a thinking entity regards the various forces of irritation and subconscious thought which creep into human discourse. If you know that you are indeed a channel, not to others but to the self, then you know that there are certain responsibilities. When you are offering the best you have in conversation, with perhaps unfortunate remarks made by others, may you find the patience, the light touch, the understanding and loving word in the face of the opposite which will make others rethink those conversations and wonder, perhaps for the first time, if they too could be responsible for such a wonderful thing as channeling a lighter, more joyful attitude. To you whom we may call shepherds, there is sent a glorious company of those who surround you, love you and love the one original Thought that is slowly taking place and growing within each. Call upon those helpers which you know by names such as Holy Spirit, guardian angel and inner guides. More than that, rest back into the recollection of the enormous web of caring, trusting, hoping and loving which your most mixed-up planet does indeed send out greatly.[990]

The responsibility to be a shepherd rather than a wiseacre, a peace-maker rather than a wit, peaceful rather than righteous, is sometimes a heavy one. It is such fun to be smarter than, righter than, better than. I know the feelings well. I deal with the temptations of communication daily! I recently got a very kind post from Jody Boyne, whose thoughts grace these pages more than once, praising me for my tact in correspondence with a mutual acquaintance in an e-group. I had to laugh, thinking back on all the things I did not, but wanted to, say in that tactful post! But I feel the effort to be good channels is eminently worth it, for I see us all as radio sets, able to receive and to transmit thoughts at a desired frequency:

There are so many examples of the channeling which all may do: the cooking, the washing, the smiling at the sun, the enjoyment of water, all the excitement of daily life, all the little things which are like flowers in a bowl in unexpected corners of your daily life. You channel your daily life. We ask you to do it lovingly and honorably, honoring yourself and honoring that which this instrument would call the Christ-consciousness in each and every face that you see.[991]

One wanderer who has experienced success in seeing the spirit within is Linda Klecha, who relates:

I know when I talk to people, the words come out as if someone were playing a tape recorder in my head and I am merely repeating the words. I always seem to say the right things and then wonder, where did I get that? People have come to me with problems and seem to be so peaceful after I tell them something. It makes me feel good![992]

By tuning the self into her opened heart center, Linda has managed to get self out of the way, and allow her intuitions and intuitive guidance about what will most comfort her friends to take over for her. Perhaps many of us have had the experience of finding the right words when something has happened around us, and being able to disarm or defuse a difficult situation. The most unnerving thing about this process of releasing into higher consciousness is the very real lack of conscious control. As artist, 131, says:

It’s not up to me how these things turn out, although my input is certainly part of it. I try to let the higher force take its course with least amount of disturbance from me, and that’s not always easy to do.[993]

Let the higher force take its course! What good advice! 131 is talking here about a painting, but the principle is golden for the whole range of channeling, whether the life, the arts, words of spiritual discourse or whatever may be our particular service. All the outer gifts involve channeling in order to bring them into maturity. Think of the self as an instrument, such as a flute or an oboe, something the breath moves through, the wind of spirit, sounding the notes, but more than that, the resonances, overtones and undertones of our particular instrument, our particular body, our specific tuning.

Vocal Channeling

Speaking of vocal channeling, those of Latwii say:

Channeling is a different kind of teaching. It is a teaching in which one surrenders all desires to teach, to make sense or to do anything except to listen, to feel, to be, to float in that highest tuning which may be held in a stable manner. Then all else is a mechanical procedure of reporting upon the concepts one has received.[994]

In offering the self to vocal channeling, then, a person becomes a pure instrument, a receiver and transmitter of concept and nuance. Giving up all desire to have this or that opinion, the instrument is simply iterating to the best of his ability that which he is receiving. It is a partnership with a particular source:

Channeling is a way of engaging the highest and best within the channel in a collaboration with a deeply impersonal source of love, which we are, that has what we may call the larger point of view.[995]

The Confederation sources I have quoted so often in this handbook are great fans of vocal channeling, since their service to those of Earth is aided somewhat by being able to use vocal instruments such as I. What the sources enjoy the most are those distortions and biases that we, ourselves, may not value so highly, those marks of personal living and learning:

Pure channeling may well be full of clarity, yet it is the color and fire of personality and poetry which only the channel can offer which sparks and enlivens our simple messages.[996]

The Confederation sources indeed consider their message to be very, very simple, almost too simple to comprehend, and despite the millions of channeled words I personally have produced, I cannot contradict them. It is true, they have a simple story to tell:

There will, in conscious channeling, always be a portion of yourself in every channeling that you give. This is desired by us. We have a very simple story to tell, a story of one great original Thought, a love which created all that there is, a love to which all shall one day return. This story is too simple for people to understand. They must make it more complex, so they may attempt to understand. It may be said that understanding is not something that may happen within your illusion, but it is part of the illusion that people wish very much to understand that which is not understandable.[997]

By talking about that which cannot be understood completely in any linear manner, we who desire to be vocal channels offer to add one more resource to the very large bank of assets that seekers already have. Like all outer gifts, it is a small gift to the world, to share in the material we have received that we think is worth passing along. And, in common with other outer gifts, in it pride has no place. Any hint of pride will echo back to the channel immediately and loudly, for when one is attempting to channel vocally, one is standing close to the light of higher densities than our own. In bright light, the error-prone human personality shell casts a sharp shadow. We who choose to take up the life of a channeling instrument will find “instant karma” much more than a catch phrase. It is a way of life. We may expect trials and temptations each time we stray in our tuning. Any effort to think that this is not our responsibility is wasted, when these trials occur. Undertake, when they occur, to see them as the work that supports the channeling, for in working through such issues, we are choosing once again our polarity of service, and re-centering our tuning. The heart of this effort of accepting whatever processes the life of everyday brings us is the deepening and strengthening of our essential selfhood:

Each of you, each of us, and indeed all of creation which is conscious of the self, is imbued in a vast ocean of overlapping and various illusions, some of which are brighter than others. In order to be able to find words that are evocative of the truth, the channel is most well prepared who has deeply considered the nature of the self, for the depth of the channeling, in its most appropriate configuration, is equal to the depth of spiritual solidity within the channel.[998]

The spiritual solidity of a channel is a tough thing to judge, either for oneself or for another. When I began teaching channeling in the late seventies, I took all comers. Quickly, as new channels developed difficulties and I learned to be more careful, I began finding ways of preselecting good channeling candidates. As my experience grew, my standards became higher, for I saw so many having real difficulties with aspects of channeling that had rebounded upon their lives. I found that there were two basic kinds of vocal channeling, that of one’s own inner-planes guidance, and that of outer-planes or allegedly extraterrestrial sources. Channeling one’s own guidance for one’s own edification, I found, is a fairly safe endeavor, for guidance is within one’s own aura. Apache and her guide, Andeamo, and Mike Korinko and his guide, Mira, are two good examples of a sound and safe channel for private information. The channeling of what I call outer-plane entities, or of personal guides for the edification of others besides the self, brings the laws of instant karma and reflective teach/learning into play. Any pride or ambition will de-tune a channel very quickly:

We urge that those who hear these words not assume by any means that vocal channeling is that which they are prepared to do. The entities which have begun as excellent vocal channels and have later disintegrated their contact are many, far too many. And although each entity shall be healed and disappointment shall cease, yet still, by following not the heart within, but the ambition without, they have condemned themselves to much disappointment.[999]

How do we disintegrate a contact with a higher source? We generally do that by allowing our tuning to vary too widely:

All those who quickly learn the mechanics of the channeling process are not, because of this original learning, automatically ready for the life of discipline which follows a choice upon the part of the channel to be a channel for the one infinite Creator. Our thesis is that some discipline in the living of a practical, modest and loving lifestyle is very helpful to a channel. This may or may not suit the mood of those who wish to become channels. It is not the desire of the Confederation of Planets in the Service of the One Infinite Creator to create channels through which we may comment upon physical disasters and other remarkable and unusual natural effects which have to do with the movement of your peoples and your planet itself from the end of third density to the merging with the beginning of fourth density as it shall occur more and more among you. That which we look for, that in which we rejoice in a channel, is the clear statement of the channel’s personality in a disciplined and unified way, for it is upon this level that channel meets channel, for make no mistake about it, channeling is a two-way conversation, and the channeling, in light trance or heavy trance, during this exploration of a possible message for the day, is based very largely upon the level of commitment and serious intention which the channel offers at the time of challenge to the contact.[1000]

Tuning and challenging, then, are central concerns in preparing to serve as a vocal channel. Tuning can begin with daily meditation, of any kind we prefer, and with the balancing of the energy or chakra system:

It is always well for any instrument to continue with the daily self examination that may take place in your meditative or quiet and thoughtful moments, so that those centers of energy upon which these contacts are based may offer to the contact the most purified and clarified balance of energies possible for each instrument. The balance for each instrument will of course be unique, for each instrument works upon the same centers but from a different perspective or point of view.[1001]

After the general meditating and chakra balancing, the vocal channel does well to continue to “tune” the radio that she is by those prayers and affirmations she finds most helpful. I use the prayer of Saint Francis, which begins, “Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace,” and other prayers and hymns of similar focus. Whatever our tuning mechanism, see this process as readying or tuning the instrument:

We suggest to each instrument, whether new or experienced, that this tuning be accomplished with as great a degree of fastidiousness as one is capable of providing, for this tuning is the factor which allows for the construction of the actual channel, the receiving antenna, shall we say, its polishing, its tightening, its sensitivity. This will allow for the greatest degree of both freedom of transmission and accuracy of transmission.[1002]

I always ask for the highest and best contact that I can carry in a stable manner with my normal waking consciousness. It is well to be quite fastidious about placing this limitation on the channeling, for in some cases, the work can be quite taxing.

It is most helpful for each entity serving as an instrument to become aware of the necessity for preparing the self for this work, in the actual performance of the service, that is to say in the tuning of one’s own internal mechanism, the setting of the desires of the personal nature aside for this time of service and the exercising of the tuning, as we find it has been described by this group, the setting of the internal radio dial, if we may use this radio analogy, to the highest source that one can stably maintain.[1003]

After we have tuned and prepared for the actual session of working, we tune the group also, by singing, chanting or praying, or in some way that appeals to everyone as a unifying exercise. In our own group, we begin our meetings with a talk around the circle, and everyone who is present has a chance to share as much of their story as they wish. By the end of the talking, the group is far more unified. We then pause while everyone prepares for the session, and I, as channel, do my own tuning. When I am ready, we all repeat the Lord’s Prayer together. Each channel and each group will have their own favorite methods, and growing experience will help make these choices of how to tune more and more skilful. During the session, those not channeling will help the session’s energy by continuing to tune and to allow the energy of the circle to move through them in a clockwise manner:

During sessions of working, the support group needs continually to realize and send for the power of love, that the instrument may not have to depend upon its own strength and will alone, but may rest against the cushion and support of an environment of love. Tuning then is done continuously throughout a session, not as a heavy burden, not as a heavy duty to perform, but as that which becomes second nature, as that which becomes a simple and constant visualization of living, revolving light, which raises itself round about the whole group in spirals and reaches unto the one infinite light of the Creator in its first manifestation.[1004]

The last thing we do as vocal channels before accepting a contact is to move into the state of consciousness from which we are accustomed to doing this work, and when we have a contact, to challenge that contact. Spirits without flesh, outside of incarnation, follow certain rules of the metaphysical world in which thoughts are things, and an identity which is unknown is no identity at all. In order to challenge spirits, we must know what we stand for, who we are, whose we are, what higher principle we serve.

When one hears voices or guidance from within, it is well that you offer to these voices the challenge that asks if they come in the name of that quality for which you live most passionately and would die most willingly. It can be a simple process and need not take a great deal of your effort or your time, yet it is well that it be accomplished with a purity and intention at each communication. For as each seeker grows more fully open to the service-to-others polarity and gains in the power of this polarity, there will be attracted to that seeker those entities of a negative nature whose wish it is to control the power of this light now developing. Thus it is well to ask if whatever voice you hear comes in the name of that which you hold most dear.[1005]

Entities of a negative nature are generally wise and clever. Do not ever think to outwit a spirit. Do not expect to manipulate spirits. Channeling is a service-to-others gift, and the only efficient stance in exercising it is a release of all personal details except the essential identification of the self. And do not think to be able to hold a positively oriented source if we consistently ask it specific and fear-based questions, whether about conspiracies, end times or yet another group of cattle-mutilating or crop-circle aliens who have contacted this or that portion of Earth’s population. The higher sources on the positive side are careful to avoid infringing upon the free will of those with whom they are sharing opinion, and if specific questions are asked of them enough, they will be unable to maintain the contact at the original vibratory level and will be forced to leave the contact. At this point, if the contact has generated enough light to attract a negatively polarized discarnate spirit who wants to communicate its point of view and is glad to mimic the philosophy as long as it gets to share its fear-based information as well, the contact can easily devolve and change for the worse. Without constant re-tuning and re-challenging when in any doubt, an instrument can find herself with an inadvertent contact to a negative entity. Since both polarities work with light, a negatively polarized entity can “feel” exactly like a positively oriented entity of the same light power. Do not think, “I will recognize my source.” This is not so. The negative source, if at the same light level, will be a fooler to the conscious mind. The end of such mixed contact is increasingly specific and fear-based information, predictions of catastrophes and ascensions in the near future, and the setting of dates for cataclysm or transition. These events do not appear to transpire as predicted in our physical time and space, and so the group is discredited. Or the group ends in wrangling over who shall belong at its base camp, or in the ascension. This, I have seen repeatedly occur with good channels. It is too bad, and it can be avoided by tuning and challenging.

The challenging of unseen spirits is quite necessary, for as populated as your illusion is, we may assure you that those illusions beyond your own are at least as populated, and there are many who stand ready to speak through instruments, and instruments need a means by which to be assured that the entity speaking through them is one of the highest positive polarity possible in order to gain information that is as sound and useable as possible, or else the value of the information is small. Thus, it is our recommendation that each instrument determine for itself its own desire to serve as an instrument, and if its determination is that it wishes to do so in as pure a fashion as it might, then it shall gather about itself those qualities which it feels are its essence and utilize these qualities in a fashion that may be formed into that which is called the challenge of the spirit, so that the contact which is made may know who you are and what your desire is in a clear fashion. It, as all contacts, has this clear knowledge of itself and speaks as an entity full of that essence of itself. Thus, the instrument must needs determine the highest and best contact that it might sustain in a stable fashion by means of this technique of the challenge of the spirit.[1006]

My specific challenge to spirits is in the name of Jesus Christ. I do so three times, asking that the spirit say very clearly to me, “Jesus is Lord.” Yes, it is biased. But I am a wholehearted Christian, and Christ is the best of me, the me I want to stand on, the essence of myself. There are a tremendous number of threads to this seeing of Jesus as myself, for I know also that I am no Christ but a servant and at most, a messenger. But to know who I am, I need to know whose I am, and I am love’s child, love’s voice, love’s vibration, Jesus’ own. In that essence, I feel free to be fully myself. Students I have taught have challenged in Jesus’ name, but also, for others, in the name of Christ-consciousness, love, the Logos and justice. Yes, we had a lawyer come to study at L/L Research! It is a deeply intimate and personal thing to choose how we shall challenge, but it is essential to good contact. Q’uo, speaking about and to a student while teaching channeling through me in 1988, says it best:

This channel is most careful to challenge all spirits, and we are most thrilled that this channel is so inclined, for our service is that which could easily be missed, for there are always those who do not come in service to others, who would wish to take the new channel and move that channel away from the highest and best tuning that is in that channel, the goal being to dim the light of channeling, seeking and the group sociability that adds so very such to the light network upon planet Earth.[1007]

I love the image of the light network on planet Earth, but it is more than an image, it is a growing reality. I have seen a net of golden light growing around the planet ever since 1977, in my personal visions, and someone wrote in recently saying she had seen one in the 1940s. Each time I move into an awareness of it, its strands are stronger, glowing brighter, interwoven more securely. I do think that channeling of a vocal type helps as a service, but I also feel that it is the channeling of the life itself that is the greater service and the greater gift to that web of love and light that is growing about our worlds as more people awaken to their spiritual natures, and begin consciously to do light work.

Notice that I did not talk about how to channel vocally. I doubt that I ever will, except to those very few students I accept, for I see teaching channeling in general as playing with matches. I have seen a few physical houses, by which I mean the mental and emotional integrity of the physical and finer bodies, burn badly. Attempting to channel without the aid of a teacher and a group to support the study, and without the support of a life lived devotionally, is inviting one’s house to be burned. Please do not do it! If this service is for us, a teacher will come to us. If a teacher is not yet in place, it is time to wait.

Chapter Fourteen: The Main Mission

Lightening The Self = Lightening The Planet

This chapter on the ministry of being gets to the heart of this handbook of spiritually oriented living. Having examined many ways we can use spiritual tools to work on ourselves, and having looked at the doing of being, we are ready to look well at being ourselves, at this main mission for ourselves and all awakened beings on Earth at this time: the lightening of the consciousness of Earth’s population and of the planet itself.

When wanderers awaken, we generally have a fairly committed sense of our mission. We may have no idea what our mission is, but we know we are here to serve. The first impulse of almost everyone, including myself, is to assume that this mission is a mission in the world, that we are to become teachers, healers or offer some other dramatic or outstanding service that employs our outer gifts. I have come, many years ago, to value these gifts of doing in the world as outer missions only, and to think of them as far less central and important to our work on Earth than the main, inner mission, which is to be ourselves. Our basic mission is a service which I have come to call the ministry of being or essence, the ministry of being most deeply ourselves.

It seems illogical to expect to heal the world by being ourselves, for are we not fallible and human? It seems to strain the imperfect surface self beyond bearing to expect it to heal even itself fully within incarnation, let alone the planet and its people. Indeed, I do not ask us to try to imagine this. Rather, to move into the frame of mind for more fully grasping the nature of this main mission, I would ask us to move from the mind and its thinking to the heart of the self and its wisdom. For within the heart are precincts of spirit and deeper self, and in those climes we are not ruled by the outer picture, by what we have done and not done. Rather, we are in a world of metaphysical essence, where thoughts are objects and intentions are everything. In this world, what we think, hope, intend and dream is what is important. Boundaries may still have some layers of existence in that we may choose for our normal interpersonal boundaries still to exist, allowing us to protect ourselves, as we feel the need, from others in the outer world. But at the same time, we are in a frame of mind which recognizes that we are part of the infinite oneness of all things, that we are all one. While our minds dwell primarily in this awareness, the lightening of consciousness that we undertake within ourselves effects the lightening of the planetary consciousness. Those of Q’uo say:

It is well to ponder the self itself. For it is your self, your consciousness, that which is in the end in union with all that is, that will be the vehicle which is able to aid the planetary consciousness.[1008]

Ourselves, our consciousnesses, seem in some ways to be obvious and simple: here we are! We weigh so much; we look thusly. But our true selves are deep and endless seas, and in the part of ourselves which is our personality shell, we do not discover extensive fields of consciousness. Working in consensus reality, we seldom touch into our heart of self, unless we have found the secret, which is to respect the self beneath the deeds and duties of the day, the self that breathes in and out and meets the moment. It is this humble and unadorned self that is the part of the entity which each of us is, through which runs the power and energy to heal the planet. Those of Q’uo say:

Part of the work of any wanderer is the living of the life itself, for when that which has been in a more compassionate vibration, or wiser one, has all of its forces in harmony inwardly, then the breathing in and breathing out of everyday living is in itself the central portion of the service which you came to offer, that service being to enable consciousness within this planetary sphere to be lightened. Insofar as the eyes of your heart are lightened, so is the planetary vibration lightened.[1009]

How are the eyes of our hearts lightened? They are lightened as we attend to the dawning of this present moment with our full attention, and with the desire to open our hearts completely to the infinite supply of the Creator’s love and light which is entering into our energy fields at all times. 175 says:

Love, like the sun, can radiate its lovingness from within through the open heart and touch all of life without bias, equally; When we are truly transparent/humble it comes forth grandly to bless its grace/bestowal upon all things great and small. There is no greater power than unconditional love, from God, through God, to God.[1010]

Unconditional love is not an easy attitude when we are directly faced with life’s little annoyances, and I can only express my feeling that although such bruising and difficult vibrations as we might encounter can rock us momentarily off balance, we can always wend our way back to unconditional love as we cease attempting to fix the outer picture and focus on any truth the situation may have for us. Remember the “flame” letter I talked about receiving from a friend in the middle of a divorce? When I received it, I did spend some time flapping about like a fish out of water, trying to craft a loving response, failing to be satisfied with the result, trying again and then giving up for good. That final surrender of speaking was the important point, for it opened my heart to do the work that I could very well and justly do. I examined myself concerning her gripes with me. She felt I was being a critic. Critics are hard to take sometimes! This critical faculty is a big part of my personality shell. I tend to see “what is wrong with this picture.” I have often apologized, sincerely, to family and friends for coming across as critical when I have honestly intended to support by suggesting another way, a missing element, a tangle to unravel, a puzzle to solve metaphysically or hermetically. People in my life who appreciate me, appreciate that steady metaphysical eye. Years ago, when this friend began her relationship with me, we shared correspondence that spanned her entire awakening, and at that point, my teach/learning side was greatly appreciated. When she is herself, she again will be that personality whom I knew, who was able to listen to my opinions and to feel free to disagree completely. The fact is, we all have strengths and weaknesses, and from time to time we will be perceived as not being helpful, no matter how wholehearted our intentions to be only of service. Trust the person who says we are not helping! Become silent.

Any effort we make at such a time to defend ourselves and make another person wrong and ourselves right is wasted, as well as incorrect metaphysically. Far more skilful is it to begin with soul searching and, that done, to move on to the acceptance and forgiveness of the self, the other self and the situation, and then to the reentering of the present moment. It may take us a moment, a minute, a day or a week to move through those self-defensive and angry instincts we have and into a place of surrender to the open heart and the present moment. Indeed, in serious times of trouble with fast friends, I have experienced times of up to five years where trust was being reestablished. It is always possible if we don’t give up. Further, if we are busy defending ourselves or our belief systems, we cannot do planetary work or work on ourselves! So, coming through the defending and the instinctive anger reactions to incoming insult and injury quickly and thoroughly, and getting to the place of surrender to the heart and to unconditional love, which is the natural milieu of the open heart, is our hope in such a situation.

As an aside, let me say to every reader that I do apologize for every time I sound, in this book or anywhere, to be superior or condescending. I am truly not of such an attitude. I do have settled opinions and I am deeply committed to the material shared in this handbook, having found it helpful in my own spiritual life. But I hope to share that with the reader in such a way that I am completely transparent. If ever I sound as though I think I know more or am better than the reader, let me say that this is certainly not true, and I know it quite well. Although I have long been a teach/learner and “counselor” as well as a learn/teacher, I am still just beginning to learn how to listen and to share well. I hope to continue learning for as long as I live. We are all equals here. I am often a bozo. We all are, on the Earth bus. This is sound information to etch on our consciousness here on Earth, for we will find ourselves in confusion regularly.

To return to our previous topic, the open heart is possible only when we are not involved with some momentary attachment to disagreement or disharmony. We can hope to lift our lives, day by day, until we are in a constant state of openheartedness, but this shall most likely continue in part to be just a hope, for our lives will continue to generate catalyst until all our catalyst has been seen, and that is usually not till just before we depart this Earthly life, if we outlast it at all. Yet with this said, I can also affirm that in the course of a life consciously lived in faith, the pronounced tendency is for the life experience to become significantly more peaceful and serene within the heart of the self, no matter what is going on “out there.” And even in the most difficult circumstances, working with our will to seek higher, we can find those moments of the open heart that lie within us even in the deepest trouble. As we do this work, we are not only working on ourselves, we are doing planetary work:

The heart that dwells in this opened love or the heart that is open to this love and willing to allow it to run through that heart and into the world of manifestation has done healing work for the planetary energy, the local energy and the energy of self.[1011]

Never be ashamed of those times when we have not assessed ourselves as meeting the moment with an open heart. Seek, rather, to return to the open heart as soon as possible, with no judgment or recrimination. Those of Hatonn say:

Keep in touch with the true self. Do not be discouraged when you cannot find it. It is only misplaced; it has not been lost. Just simply continue persistently and faithfully, although every instinct tells you that you are making no progress. Those instincts are incorrect, because each honestly made attempt to be of service lightens the planetary consciousness and polarizes you more and more.[1012]

Don tended to ask about the “adept” rather than the “wanderer” or “seeker,” as he, himself, was a lifelong student of western ceremonial magic, and because we were, during the contact with those of Ra, daily offering a magical ritual of protection of our place of working. In discussing visualization, Don asked:

Questioner: Can you tell me what the adept, after being able to hold the image for several minutes, does to affect planetary consciousness or affect positive polarity?

Ra: I am Ra. When the positive adept touches intelligent infinity from within, this is the most powerful of connections for it is the connection of the whole mind/body/spirit complex microcosm with the macrocosm. This connection enables the, shall we say, green-ray true color in time/space to manifest in your space/time. In green ray thoughts are beings. In your illusion this is normally not so.

The adepts then become living channels for love and light and are able to channel this radiance directly into the planetary web of energy nexi. The ritual will always end by the grounding of this energy in praise and thanksgiving and the release of this energy into the planetary whole.[1013]

Here again we see the statement that thoughts are things, entities, within the world of spirit. What we are doing with the directing of our thoughts IS important. When we come fully into the open heart, having cleared the lower chakras and entered the present moment, we really do not have to DO anything to be doing the work. We only have to be. Mary notes:

How can one explain to friends and family, and even acquaintances when asked “What do you do?” A response of, “I radiate love and light,” just seems downright insane in a world geared towards so-called “progress”![1014]

As I told Mary, often this main mission for wanderers does not make sense to people who have not awakened to their metaphysical identity. Therefore, it is well not to share this feeling of the mission of being with those who have not shown some sign of being sympathetic to a spiritually oriented point of view, and if there is a scornful response when we do share this thought, shed that like water off a duck’s back and move right on with our work. Jody Boyne has a marvelously self-confident view of his service, and puts the radiation of love and light in its proper position in his service, even though he has been an excellent “outer” counselor and teacher for a generation of seekers:

My path has led from trying to counsel and teach to just being here. The limitations, pitfalls and errors of a fourth-density/fifth-density type service effort lead me to feel I can best serve others and progress by a self-contained approach of simple life and radiating love and light. Paradoxically, the poignant near-hopelessness of attempting to teach, even by simply being in this environment, both calls on the utmost spiritual effort, as well as self-containment and self-sufficiency.[1015]

131 has less confidence in having “gotten it right.” But she expresses that beautiful assurance that she is listening to a source which will get a message to her if she is to serve differently:

Service: another area I think about a lot and feel like I’m not quite there yet. For a long time I have held myself open to the possibility of being in greater service than I am now. I am aware of certain areas of service that I provide already, such as my work with disabled folks, painting, my presence on the planet, transmitting information as needed, channeling frequency, raising planetary frequency, etc., etc. Anyway, I realize that if there is more for me to do then it will come to me, just like anything else.[1016]

She is mixing thoughts of outer service with determination to be present on the planet and raise the planetary frequency, and in her mind, all the services are blending together, which can cause some confusion at times. Yet her faith that she is “in the loop” with deity and spirit transcends all confusion, and I know of no one who is more responsive to the voice of spirit than this particular wanderer. Mike Korinko echoes some of the above thoughts in this passage talking about a session with his personal guide, Mira, and strikes me as a good general spokesman for the average wanderer when he says:

During a session with Mira, which was an in-depth look at the self viewing the self within others, she clarified for me the idea of a wanderer being here to just go through life as a human in order to aid the planet. Now I know you have told this to me before, but it never really made sense as to how that would offer aid. Mira cleared that up for me by relating to things that I could understand. Maybe that is all I am here to do. But why then the drive, the feeling that I am not doing something I should be? Is that just within me, generated by my own distortions, my own thinking and my own lack of understanding?[1017]

The feeling that we are not doing what we came to do, what we “should” do, is in my opinion based on our enculturation and the absorption into our being of the work ethic of the occidental and, increasingly, the oriental world as well. It is a habit of judgment so deep that we find it very difficult to disconnect. I still routinely tend to talk with my husband at the end of the day about what I have accomplished, and he shares back with me his deeds in the world. We are so profoundly used to measuring value by accomplishment that we do this to ourselves constantly and without reflective thought. In terms of the main mission, we need to reeducate our thinking completely. Those of Q’uo say:

It is our opinion that the mission and the purpose for which each of you took incarnation was simply to live, to offer your vibrations to the planetary consciousness. It may seem that this offering of self to lighten the planetary web of consciousness is a small thing, perhaps a useless thing, for seekers generally do not feel that they are operating at a high vibration. Yet with all the confusion and all the distortion surrounding reactions to the confusion not withstanding, living moment by moment with the heart open to love is enough purpose and mission to cram a lifetime so full that it radiates life.[1018]

Offering the self becomes a powerful thing when we realize just how powerful we are in a certain kind of way: in our essential being. If we see ourselves as ET wanderers, we have a special role to fulfill. Those of Q’uo say:

Those who are joined with us on this particular day all have native homes in densities that are sweeter and more open and closer to the original vibration of unconditional love. Beneath the masks and roles that are appropriate for each to play in your dance on the sea of confusion, you are who you are and it is that essence that is your gift and your main service. As you breathe in and as you breathe out, you breathe the world, you breathe illusion and you are love. As you have breath so shall you be mortal, and this mortality clothes one in a flesh that creates a lack of memory, a lack of contact with those things that pertain to your infinite self. This does not disturb your essence. You can lessen the ease with which your native vibrations can ripple out. You can be blessed, expressive of essence. You can be more true to that underlying and encircling essence, but you shall, without fail, perform your service and complete your mission because your basic mission is to live a life amongst those people with whom you find yourself, having a heart that is consciously open as is possible on a stable basis.[1019]

I hope it strengthens us to know that we cannot fail in this mission. It is not a ministry of words any more than it is of outer doings. Those of Q’uo say:

Wanderers may best bear witness by being most fully themselves, for it is the basic vibratory complex carried in the violet ray by each Wanderer that is witness by its very essence. Therefore, the Wanderer’s job in everyday affairs is to keep the channel of selfhood and essence clean, clear and pellucid. This is in many ways a passive spiritual vocation.[1020]

Turning to love is turning to the heart of self, for the self, at its foundation, is the creature of love:

The greatest single practice for bringing seekers into more and more direct awareness of their role here within the planetary rise in vibration is simply to be, to be the deepest and most profound and true self of which one is capable. In this being there is a releasing of the doings, for metaphysically speaking it is not these but rather being and essence which are the gifts that we have to give to each other. When a seeker becomes aware that it is a creature of will, discipline and faith, then that person can simply allow those instreaming vibrations of love and of light to move through the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual channels of the body and out into the world that so desperately needs those vibrations of undistorted love and light.[1021]

Allowing the love and light always offered us from the Creator a smooth and unblocked path through our energetic bodies can be done only when we are in touch with the deep self of the heart. We need to be able to be aware that these deeper levels of being are untouched by the surface of things, so long as we keep our energies clear:

This is your greatest witness, it is your greatest help to your beloved people and to your planet as a whole, for the planet itself responds to self-acceptance, self-forgiveness and unconditional love. These are metaphysical vibrations as strong in mending the Earth as the pressure of tectonic plates is strong in needing the adjustment of the Earth in catastrophic times.[1022]

This witness of being can be offered no matter what we are doing. We can all truly offer this service to planet Earth, for we can be, regardless of what we are doing. All persons at all levels of existence, however that is sorted out, can offer the ministry of being. Those of Q’uo say:

What thing is it that you shall do? Many are those who feel that they are of no spiritual worth because all that they do is work, love their children and die. And yet we say to you that you may well have prepared this as your mission, as your lesson, as your offering of love. There are those who have come with larger missions, larger in the sense that more entities will hear of the fruits of their particular labors. This in no way distinguishes one love from another, one fruit from another. Insofar as each fruit or manifestation takes part in love, just so each fruit is equal, for unbounded love and limitless light are all that there is, and whether you extend love and light upon your little ones or upon some more dramatic object, you have loved, and love is all that there is.[1023]

Sensitive wanderers have often written through the years to express their feeling that they are here to hold the light:

We know the reasons for being here include anchoring the love/light into 3D NOW.[1024]

***

If today brings even one choice your way, choose to be a bringer of the light.[1025]

***

All I can think of is that maybe I’m here just to hold the light.[1026]

While I feel these wanderers are deeply inspired to serve, I suggest the better model of our relationship to the light is of ourselves as light transducers, transmitting energy into other systems, rather than as light holders, or light bringers, for we do not bring the light, nor is it appropriate to attempt to hold the light. I believe that infinite light is flowing to all of us all of the time in an infinite supply. Our mission is to welcome it consciously and allow it to flow through us and out into the Earth planes, both inner and outer. We may see ourselves as those who bless the light as it comes through us, and those who help the light by clearing our energetic bodies so that its full power may be flowing through, insofar as we are able. Even those who are very ill and sick abed can serve the planet this way. When I was homebound and unable to sit up in the late ’80’s and early ’90’s, I spent many an hour focusing on this clearing of the energy system and affirming my hope that full energy might be coming through my physical vehicle and out into the Earth planes. We can truly practice this main service under any conditions.

As I literally found my feet again after this bedfast period, I had a real spate of relatively disorganized activity as I tried to resume a life that had gotten very horizontal and inner. Following old programming that did not work for me any more, I found that each thing I tried either was something I could no longer do at all, or something I disliked doing. So I decided I would pull in my imagination and start again, following not what I thought I should do, but what I spontaneously wanted to do. This was an interesting time for me, in which I found my hunger for worldly achievements to be sated, except for the desire to serve. I decided that I really had three goals as a person now: to help lighten the planet by the ministry of essence, to take care of myself and my family and to serve L/L Research’s light work. Many days, then as now, I cannot fulfill all those goals. I address them by priority. The first priority is to be energetically clear. I ask of myself a cheerfulness of spirit that reflects a remembrance of this dance of life and its supernal beauty beyond the illusion of its forms. That is sometimes more than enough challenge for the day! But I believe in it. The more of this kind of “tuning” work we can do, the more we can keep our energy systems clear to help run light into the planetary vibration. But even when we are most befuddled and beleaguered, we are still serving in equal measure. Those of Q’uo say:

May each wanderer find comfort in the knowledge that it cannot help contributing positively to the planetary vibration. Even with what seems to be gross mismanagement of time and energy, yet still in that very basic alienated mindset there dwells that vibration which is fuller with light. This very alienation is simply a surface symptom of a deep and spiritual gift. Comfort yourself when the heart is heavy and the feelings bruised with the knowledge that you are being of service. You are doing that which you came to do. You may find ways to do it better, but you are not failing no matter what it seems like.[1027]

This is important to keep in mind, that we cannot fail at this mission of being. John M. says:

I’d love to step aside from my body at times, so it could be a conduit for a higher energy or purpose, as I don’t seem to be making very good use of it “myself.” On the other hand, I suspect that in order to do that, I’d need to clean up my act considerably, and use whatever willpower I have to cast off my worldly ambitions, whatever they are.[1028]

Cleaning up our act is a desirable thing indeed, but if we are not all orderly today, we can still serve, by hoping to serve and following that hope, however imperfectly. In offering this ministry of being, we do not need to know how this light we are offering through ourselves will be used. In 1982, Don asked those of Ra:

Questioner: This entire scenario for the next twenty years seems to be aimed at producing an increase in seeking and an increase in the awareness of the natural creation, but also a terrific amount of confusion. Was it the pre-incarnative objective of many of the Wanderers to attempt to reduce this confusion?

Ra: I am Ra. It was the aim of Wanderers to serve the entities of this planet in whatever way was requested and it was also the aim of Wanderers that their vibratory patterns might lighten the planetary vibration as a whole, thus ameliorating the effects of planetary disharmony and palliating any results of this disharmony. Specific intentions such as aiding in a situation not yet manifest are not the aim of Wanderers. Light and love go where they are sought and needed, and their direction is not planned aforetimes.[1029]

In the wake of solar activity, El Niño and La Niña, horrendous hurricanes, drought and flood, seismic activity and other assorted natural disasters on a global scale, we are justified in asking if this planetary lightening effort is working. Personally, I believe that we have at this time achieved a kind of critical mass with the effort, as more and more Earth-awakes become aware of their spiritual nature and potential, and begin consciously to increase their witness to the light coming through. In 1988 those of Q’uo reported:

There lies within the peoples of this sphere a growing and nearly critical mass of those who in one guise or another seek peace and light and joy. And as each seeker seeks and fails, and picks itself up and seeks again, and takes one step back and two steps forward, as we all do in our stumbling way, as each persists, so the light grows, the web of light about the planet becomes stronger, and planetary consciousness is being transformed. There is a concept among your peoples called critical mass, and it is towards this point that the planetary consciousness is moving. A significant harvest of souls shall be moving on to a different reality, a different illusion, more refined lessons and a gentler emotional, mental and physical experience, which, upon the other hand, is far, far greater in what you would call the length of time.[1030]

By 1996, the report was that our efforts had begun to bear fruit:

The nature of space/time is beginning to alter. The nature of the way each perceives time and space is slowly altering, even values that your physicists attempt to understand: subatomic particles and various new particles which are part of space/time in fourth density. Your planet is being prepared to enter this environment as are all of the global inhabitants, and at this time we are very pleased to say that much progress has already been made in lightening the planetary consciousness.[1031]

So we are on our way! As regards physical planetary changes, the inconveniences have begun, reported those of Ra in 1981. They are substantial and indeed inconvenient. But I think they herald a dawning day that is full of promise. Heikki Malaska says:

Would we curse these erratic weather patterns, these high winds, these ground swells, these intensely cold and warm conditions? Or would we look past that, and see the incredible beauty of Mother Earth, shaking and cleansing the old tired debris away, to start new and clean; to make way for a new birth of consciousness/self awareness? Aye, these times are truly exciting and wonderful. Everything is perfection.[1032]

What a wonderfully balanced point of view this wanderer of the Nordic lands offers. I think resting in faith is, at heart, a better way to regard these Earth changes, and the lightening of the planetary vibration to ameliorate them, than to regard the catastrophes as a critical problem and spend time concerned with things we can in no way control. If we continue to let the light through our energy systems with a full and open heart, light will rapidly increase in our world on many levels. There is no way to figure out just what specific progress we may have made or will make, or what changes will come, when and where, without putting more emphasis on fear than on faith, and I am not particularly encouraging to those who want weather reports and the current status of the planetary vibration from our Confederation contacts, simply because I feel the request for fear-based information detunes the channel. Those of Q’uo express this point well:

There are many who are changing in ways which are fundamental to consciousness in the groupings of entities within various cultures, subcultures and movements of thoughts which explore regions of experience that are breakthrough areas, shall we say. Thus, there is no reliable way of determining the progression of this change. Only the movement of love within each heart has any hope of indicating to entities the nature of this change.[1033]

As we become aware of this movement of love within our hearts, we may more clearly see ourselves in a way that reveals the nature of our personal or metaphysical power:

Realize that the environmental pollution is not nearly as serious an illness to the planetary entity of Grandmother Earth as the lack, and increasing lack, of certainty among these positive entities that all is well and all shall be well, not in the illusion, but in the reality, relatively speaking, of the imperishable fields of consciousness that each of you is with relation to the imperishable spirit of unconditional and creative love that is the metaphysical planetary entity. It is good not to pollute the streams and forests of your planet, but this is within the illusion, and you shall come and you shall go. However, outside of illusion the Logos, both of the planetary entity and of yourselves, lies in potential, in a mated, loving, faithful and hopeful relationship. And if there is judgment in the attempts to heal the physical earth, then the judgment harms the metaphysical entity of your planet more than the attempts to teach the love of Earth in a judgmental way could ever help.[1034]

How easy it is to judge, especially when we see the damage done to nature by careless or dishonest people! How easy it is to judge in general, both ourselves and others. The key to refraining from persisting to judge, when we discover we are doing it, is to remember that this is a metaphysical universe, in terms of our spiritual work, and that it is far more important to attend to the heart’s remaining open than to spend time in anger. Those of Q’uo say:

You have much to learn. You will make mistakes, but they are not metaphysical mistakes. The mistakes are part of your learning, part of the illusion, part of being human. Forgive yourself, for in forgiving the self you become able to forgive all and the redemption in the eyes of a peaceful person is a blessing indeed to those who behold it, and to the planet in general, for love lightens the planetary vibrations. This love does not come from you. We would not ask you to attempt to develop such a thing as infinite love. We ask only that you open the self, allow pain to hollow you out and make you a beautiful and transparent instrument through which infinite love can flow. You are a vessel, a precious, precious vessel. What shall you hold? What shall you offer?[1035]

What shall we hold, indeed? And what shall we let go? As we approach a second look at personal transformation, this is a central question. The Q’uo say:

Among your peoples this has been much misunderstood, for people look to see if there is some service that can be their spiritual gift to the world. They are looking for a dramatic role to play, to teach or to heal or to prophesy. And yet these things are forever secondary to the primary mission of each of you upon this particular planet in this particular density at this time. The mission before each of you is simply to address all of that which comes to you with an open heart, just that. And yet just that is the work of lifetime upon lifetime, for how can a person in a heavy illusion such as you now enjoy be fearless? It is not within the physical body to be fearless. It is not within the earthly brain, that choice-maker, to be fearless. Indeed, only the foolish are fearless, and yet the teacher known to you as Jesus the Christ has said that it is only to the foolish that the wisdom comes. It is only to those who live as little children that the kingdom is inherited.[1036]

It is certainly easier to speak of living in a Christlike manner than to do it. Moving into forgiveness and acceptance, re-finding the joy that is our basic nature, is not a simple matter, and sometimes it is impossible for a while. When those times of distress are upon us, I would hope we would rest and heal within ourselves without trying to do planetary work or anything else except rebuild our energies. But with each time that we consciously move into the milieu of the open heart’s flowing love, we increase our familiarity with, and the quality of our memory of, those golden moments. There is an ineffable fullness to the path of the open heart, and although I would not attempt to describe it, there is a resonance to such moments or times of awareness that is unmistakable. All of us have this natural and “default” state or setting within our hearts. We are all dwelling in intense delight, bliss and joy at a very deep level of our essential being. It is the way we all experience life before we have been hurt as children, and it is the energy we will access and use now if we remove ourselves from attachment to our achievements and our suffering, and every other detail that keeps our hearts from being fully open. Those of Q’uo say:

We see upon this planetary sphere that there is the seeding of light in many places where light has not been in predominant expression, shall we say, but has only flickered briefly and at this time we see that there is a great deal more light beginning to shine forth from many areas, entities and groupings of entities upon your planet. However, as with all transformations within the third density, this is a process which must partake of the breaking or shedding of the older ways of perceiving, of thinking and of doing, so that there might be made a place for a new way of perceiving and of bringing forth that quality of compassion and understanding that has long been hidden within the hearts of many who have incarnated with the desire that they may show forth this energy of love that will aid not only their own evolutionary growth but will enhance the opportunity to be of service to others and will also lighten the planetary vibrations as a whole.[1037]

Transformation Of Self = Transformation Of Planet

I thought it worthwhile to revisit the subject of personal transformation in the light of the awareness that to work on the self is to work on the world. Those of Q’uo say:

The seeker is so eager to go through the process of transformation, yet it is a long, subtle process. The implications of any one decision seem, on the surface, limited; but, when one is transforming the being, the seemingly limited ripples of effect give way to a much more complex field of interwoven options or varieties of tone and color in the, may we call it, “sub-programs” within the mind, which are in fact effected by seemingly simple changes in the way of being. To change an action is relatively simple in its effect upon the essential core meta-program of beingness. It often does not touch any deep programming to change a behavior. But you are asking about changing a beingness, changing the way of perceiving and experiencing one’s own essence and this is endlessly subtle work.[1038]

Changing the way we perceive our essential being is indeed a subtle and a patchwork project that lasts a lifetime. We find ourselves moving endlessly into the repeated themes of our incarnations, hearing iteratively the sounding of leitmotifs of personal lessons and service, recognizing and responding to them with what seem only spotty results. It may even seem at times as though we were dying in the middle of a serious transformational change. But we are only rebuilding on the same lot. We are still ourselves, but we are re-orienting ourselves to the heart and home of our own truth. Call it inner Feng Shui. The Q’uo say:

In a metaphysically literal sense, the process of positive spiritual change may easily be seen to be the tearing down of the previous temple of truth and ethical and moral justice in order that a greater truth, a greater justice, a greater ethic, may find manifestation. Some entities have called this experience initiation. By whatever name it is called there are certain characteristics which mark it. Firstly, there is the pain of death itself, as the entity strips away the smaller truth, and asks for all the tendrils of that truth which have moved into the many, many, opinions of the self. Then there is the greeting by those who would contest the goodness of this change, this alteration towards the positive. When one is in the process of tearing oneself down in part, one is uniquely vulnerable to voices which have power in the spiritual world, both positive and negative. The positive entities do not intrude in any way which is subjectively apparent to the one experiencing transformation. However, those who are powerful in the negative path find this an excellent opportunity to challenge and test the faith that is willing to undergo this pain in order to experience a larger and more spacious life, one more informed in compassion and wisdom.[1039]

This assistance, both positive and negative, is not precisely a personal thing. The positively oriented assistance responds to the light and the hope for the light which we are utilizing. The negatively oriented assistance wishes control over the light, or to put out the light which we are utilizing. Those of Q’uo say:

The issues involved in spiritual transformation are profoundly impersonal as well as uniquely personal to each seeker. That is, at the same time that the seeker is experiencing unique perceptions because of the unique pattern of distortions for that particular entity, that spark is also melding with and creating dynamics with a greater self, which process is very difficult to express in language, for this self is at the same time that spark that is you and all that there is. The layers of self as one moves down the tree of mind are infinite, and as the experiencer moves through and takes part in this process of spiritual change it may at one moment be at one level of mind; at another moment at a bewilderingly different level of mind, skimming and diving deep, coming up and leveling out, and at the same time not knowing that one is in motion. The spiritual sea is three-dimensional, and you can breathe the water.[1040]

Encourage, then, the energy of our hope of positive change by allowing it to move up and down in those levels of mind within, not worrying overmuch as to the appropriateness of the processes. We may feel blindsided by our own energy system as it moves into and up from deep mind, bringing up keen emotions and clusters of feeling, but allowing these to move through the system is very helpful, for we usually do not know what we are doing in times of epiphany, at least not in any logical way. It happens too surprisingly.

The transformations of the third density almost always come from an oblique angle and are not possessed of those obvious hints that this instrument would call “telegraphing the punch.” So, the situation as regards the basic seeking is that it is excellent to seek intensely and to practice a regularity of meditation, contemplation and prayer. But it is well to widen the inner definition of environment to include that spiritual environment into which each is permanently imbedded, in and out of incarnation. It is from this bedrock of spiritual selfhood that the moments of transformation shall rise and the angle of perceptions of these transformations shall almost always be confusing at first but not necessarily obvious. The state of mind, then, that we can recommend is that of the utmost intensity, and at the same time, that of one who is dancing in and out of the steps of living, feeling the rhythms that murmur through the endless hallways of self.[1041]

It is that feeling of the deep dance I hope to create here, that state of mind within movement where it is acceptable to be off balance, akimbo and unknowing as to how and where the rhythm shall take us. Life is often a ragtime number, with kicks and whirls coming unexpectedly. As we go through these times of essential change again and again, we begin to trust the dance of living and the dancer within us which has far cannier balance and deeper artistry than our conscious minds may claim.

When an entity is repeatedly tested and has made several choices to learn more, to serve more, and to be more, in the same incarnation, there comes to the process a somewhat smoother or more speedy or more apparent alteration, change, or more correctly, transformation. It is as though, having trusted blindly, repeatedly, the next occasion which calls for the greatest trust, though it be one degree more difficult, it is also met by a more tempered incarnate entity, and therefore, if the entity consciously realizes that there is a choice to be made, a new lesson to be taken up, it can then affirm its appetite for the vital push and shove, confusion and disturbance of the lesson to come.[1042]

At least, we can hope that the increase of faith from going through this process before will make the experience smoother! For one thing, we learn patience:

Waiting is that which needs to be respected to the utmost. It seems within the physical incarnation that the process of change from a small truth to a larger one goes on past all endurance, past all possibility of lasting throughout a transformational period. It is often likely that in the deepest part of the night watches, the self going through initiation shall be awakened and shall feel nameless and formless fear. This is the loving greeting of those upon the negative path who would, if they could, persuade the entity not to transform the self, not even to claim the smaller truth, but to become a victim of fear, hiding the soul in the self in layers and layers of armor, becoming numb, bitter, disheartened and lost. The one tool that an entity going through change has is blind faith.[1043]

We can be aided greatly by leaning into this blind faith that all is well, even as we feel the processes of transformation rumbling through us. It is a faith in ourselves as well as a faith that the outer picture holds all that we need in order to work through this puzzle:

There are clues and hints in plenteous supply even within your everyday reality, if you would call it that. There is enough information that lies like litter about every doorpost in the ordinary of things. To create catalyst which produces the most excellent manifestation, the most complete transformation, the most satisfying epiphany for those seekers who are called to such a ministry, the everyday and ordinary surface holds every tool and resource necessary for utter realization and clarification of being.[1044]

It is as though we were spiritual farmers. The earth is the deep mind, and as we are able to have access to and cultivate and aerate that deeper mind more and more, we are able to have richer soil, richer experiences of growth, and richer fruit:

You must be that which your nature is. You are top-to-bottom and side-to-side entities of 360 degrees, the full circle of personality from lightest and brightest to the deepest and darkest. The skill lies in seeing your emotions as information-bearing energies, offering to you the fruits of your own past and the seeds of your transformation into an ever emptier, ever lighter, ever hollower self. The earthy part of the self, that soil in which the dark nature hides, is a heavy thing, and it is that soil [out of] which truth and beauty and those mysteries which call you forward grow, out of this very soil.[1045]

In the midst of the confusion of inner change, we do well to call upon self-forgiveness, as we perceive feelings of being out of control:

What is most uncomfortable about confusion? It is the disorder. It is the feeling that one is out of control. Those who seek tend to see this feeling, which is natural, and say, “I should not be feeling off balance; I should be clear.” But “should” is not an helpful word. The way one should be is the way one is. We do not mean to split hairs, but to take one word out of the language would be perhaps rewarding to those moving through change, and this word is “should.” The heart has a wisdom concerning time which the mind lacks. Thusly, it is well to let the heart choose what form of comfort it may appropriately and skillfully take to bolster the endurance while going through transformation.[1046]

During these times of emotional and spiritual discomfort, we may take our rest in the heart center:

In the process of transformation there is almost always a great deal of sorrow and feelings of loss, for when change is going to occur naturally it simply takes one as destiny will and almost never is it a completely smooth road from that one way which was to that other way which has yet to be worked out. And yet we encourage you to have the faith to praise that which is past and to open the heart to that which is, was and shall be.[1047]

It is not easy having faith in the midst of sorrow, loss, discomfort and often sleeplessness. However, once we can see that change is in progress, we at least know the reason for the discomfort, and can begin to form a resolve to choose to follow this pattern through with as much grace and dancing in our approach to it as possible. As the T-shirt says, “**it happens.” Spiritual living is not about avoiding the difficulties of life or the suffering of it. It is about responding to these inevitable catalysts and emotions with as much style and thoughtfulness as we can. If we can follow the love in the moment, if we can take a higher road, if we can look steadily at the metaphysics of a situation and issues of acting in utmost love to all persons involved, we have evaluated the challenging difficulty with our best eye as to metaphysical creativity. What can we do within our hearts to maximize love? Whom can we serve? Whom can we forgive? In what circumstance can we avoid defending ourselves? What can we do to heal a situation that does not offend our ethics or honesty? All these questions help us act lovingly when we are in discomfort. But naturally, when catalyst strikes, we will often become uncomfortable, and when it is a catalyst that is feeding into a transformational spiritual process, the discomfort will be more complex and many-textured. We need to give ourselves time to go through these periods of pain and these times of distress with other selves, just sitting with the feelings, the situation, the souls involved, giving the pain and affliction of the self our genuine hospitality, time and attention within our hearts.

As you are on the journey of the mind and the spirit, you shall constantly be changing and transforming because of your experiences. These changes are uncomfortable and, therefore, there is pain. To the extent that you cooperate with these energies of transformation, then to this extent the discomfort may not breed fear. You can look at the suffering and say, “I must be changing pretty well,” but if you need the fear, allow it. There is nothing wrong with protecting your delicate and sensitive inner self. It is possible to allow this fear and then try just a little less fear, and then a little less, and move slowly, supporting the self, not discouraging the self by railing against the lack of courage or railing against destiny for the discomfort which change brings.[1048]

In times of personal change and transformation, we need to be especially candid with ourselves. Look at where energy is blocked, at where anger or grief is out of control, where obsession and addiction have replaced simple preference: in short, where there is imbalance. For such cusps of change are wonderful moments for profound spiritual work in freeing blocked energy:

Each of you has this sterling opportunity to break through the defenses, the shells, the masks that each has gathered about itself to defend itself from those pains which it fears. And the answer to these pains and difficulties is simply to accept them, to embrace them, to walk through them by faith, working in each case to see the love that is in the moment and to be a part of that which is good for all those whom you meet. You see, the confusions, the difficulties, the suffering are symptoms, shall we say, of the process of change or transformation when you have incomplete information.[1049]

Embracing our sufferings with faith and walking through them with light and happy hearts are noble ideals. I see this being accomplished again and again, personally, in others and throughout history. Metaphysically speaking, to turn or run from this suffering or to fear it is less efficient than to face it squarely, engage it straightforwardly and go through it. In transformational processes, all we see out there is a mirror for what is in our hearts, and while these mirrors can be broken, they will just be replaced. They do not go away until we do not need to see them. As those of Q’uo say:

We ask you to gaze with a cold eye upon the suffering involved in transformation, for this attitude is a balanced one, in our humble opinion. It is to the person who is able to gaze upon the dark night of the soul, which this instrument spoke of, with an indifferent eye but a full and willing heart, that this process may begin to come easier. By releasing and yielding to your suffering, by welcoming that which must be suffered as a brother and as a sister, by offering the hospitality of your life, your body, your mind, your strength and your will to this process, the heart is opened as if by magic, and you find that no matter how intensely you hurt, it does not kill but, rather, cleanses, empties, renews and readies that instrument to be an ever clearer, purer and brighter channel for the light that must come through into the world or the love that must come through into the world, not from you but through you.[1050]

Most of us have suffered beyond all description by the time we have come far into life’s teenaged years. And spiritual study only increases our rate of change, and therefore, our rate of suffering. Those of Latwii express their compassion for us in our working through this process here in the illusion:

In order for any seed to be grown within your illusion it must be put within the dark earth. There must be a time of resting there, away from light, in order that what is within the seed might burst the shell, the limitation, the confines of that experience and break forth toward the light in order that there might be a new being born from the old. The experience of transformation for any entity within your illusion, when seen from our vantage point, takes place in but the blinking of an eye, yet we know that within your illusion this same transformation seems to last far, far into the dark and lonely night, and we feel our compassion for you growing as we become one with you and experience that loneliness, the pain of separation.[1051]

That path of apparent separation can seem to be endlessly prolonged when we are going through these cycles of transformation. Hopefully, we may realize at such cruxes that we are at the limit of what we as conscious entities can do, and so we begin to turn in surrender to faith in the rightness of the overall plan being carried out in our experience, and faith in our surrender to higher guidance:

As the entity is looking upon its own experience and is in the middle of things, it will find, if the test be true and intensely enough experienced, that there is a point beyond which the entity has little effect upon the movement of experience and the outcome of events. At this point the entity, perhaps in meditation, contemplation or prayer, will find it most helpful to surrender the smaller view of the conscious mind and its analysis of what to do and not to do to the greater self, which some call the higher self, and to those forces of light which guide and protect each entity within the third-density illusion. In this way the entity is brought face to face with its own limitations and its need for inspiration and transformation of its point of view by surrendering the smaller point of view and belief system.[1052]

Surrendering the smaller point of view is a sublime moment in this process of working with the transformations of the self and of the planet. We can hardly ever see good human solutions to serious human problems. We often must, in the darkness of our own unknowing, take it to a higher level by faith alone. We often need to allow our wills to bow before destiny and deity, and blindly trust in the plan being outshown only by hindsight as we go. That instant where we do let go and lean into guidance and faith is like a beacon of light in the metaphysical world. Those moments change and lighten us, and they change and lighten the world. In these times of change we set the stage for future exhilaration by present pain. That is what the process of evolutionary change is doing. It can be excruciating, no puns intended. But it can also be at odd moments a time of rejoicing, if we are able to spot what is happening, and lighten our attitude enough to see the larger view and have faith of this process:

Times of pain and limitation are those times to find rejoicing and praise and thanksgiving, for these are the signals that the Creator is especially near, and transformation of the life, new lessons, are about to appear, to one who truly forgives, who truly accepts, and may sit in peace, glorying in the light of the infinite Creator, and resting in the embrace of the universe with no thought except to wait upon that transformation to declare itself within one’s heart.[1053]

I love that image of waiting upon transformation, of releasing, of surrendering to the loving forces of spirit and guidance. When we know that all is well, we can begin to have the courage to surrender, to accept, to forgive. It is a gift of faith, that surrender. May we come to that moment, in the difficulty of catalyst or the dark night of the soul, ready to move into the light!

You are, as a spiritual seeker, in a universe of thought, of being, of essence. It will always be frustrating to live in two worlds, but it is just that dynamic that creates the fertile field for your acceleration of spiritual evolution. Know yourself to be ever on the path and yet ever at rest. Know yourself to be ever learning, yet always knowing. Know yourself to be ever striving, yet always having arrived at precisely the place for which the strife exists. Knowing the self, allow the self to be the self. Release and release and again release the self from the stricture of making sense, of coming up to snuff, [of] passing the grade. Each release, each forgiveness, each new level of acceptance will bring its own inspiration and offer its own opportunities for transformation.[1054]

As we find peace in our own hearts, we will become able to be peaceful towards other people, and only at that point will global peace be possible in any way in our little universe except in terms of the stoppage of formal warlike campaigns. Peace is not precisely that point at which entities are no longer engaged actively in shooting each other in designated geographical zones. It is not even, quite, when we stop shooting our words, our thoughts and our attitudes and belief systems at each other and at ourselves with intent to tear down, separate, exclude and wound. Peace, I think, will descend on Earth as a clearer majority of us begin actively loving each other. Nothing less will do. That is my opinion, and I hope I am wrong, for arriving there is the end of a long road. Maybe it will never happen here in third density. Perhaps we will be only trying for peace within our hearts or within the world within this density. But it does not change the worth of this process of transformation, this process that sharpens our deeper being’s presence in our conscious minds and our awareness of the nature of that beingness. Our opportunity in this incarnation is so to live that we maximize our experience, service and learning. Surrendering to faith and guidance, especially as we experience change and difficulty, optimizes our chances of dealing with these challenges from a sound metaphysical point of view. It lightens and sometimes enlightens our selves and our conscious minds, especially as we repeat this sort of choice in times of trouble. It gives us the best chance at healing situations and relationships that feed into our incarnational lessons. And as we do this within our own hearts, the planetary consciousness lightens a bit more.

It is a good plan. It is our part to carry its banner of essence and being out onto the jousting field at this time, for the duration of our life here on planet Earth. It is a quixotic ministry, to serve by being. May we do it loving justice! May we who have come to this planet as Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow do all we can to offer our deepest selves to this process and this service of being, and may all Earth natives who have awakened and are now ready to graduate and move into the metaphysical densities likewise offer ourselves with a full and flowing heart to this geste. The world will often laugh at the ministry of being. Do not doubt it in ourselves, or in any we meet. This plan is working, and we cannot help but help it to work, as we become aware of the nature of metaphysical reality. Anybody can do this ministry. A laborer working overtime can do his work with love. An at-home mother can change the diapers with love. I can wash the food I am preparing with love. We can meet the moment with a full and open heart no matter what we are doing at the moment, or we can try to, which is just as good, metaphysically speaking.

To each, my deepest sympathies for the inevitable suffering, and my deepest thanks for every effort that is made to create from this suffering the self-loved being, the ministry of essence, the open heart, the life of beauty and service. Blessings to all of us as we walk this fair but dusty highway together, and the light grows. It is a wonderful journey to be on, with marvelous companionship.

Chapter Fifteen: The Devotionally Lived Life

Devotional Living

This is a handbook for busy people. I expect most of us are working to earn money. Those of us who do not have to earn their daily bread are, in great majority, still maximally busy. I know of no one in my own personal life, of any age, who is able to be vertical and active in the normal sense, who is not wedging into her life and days as much as she can. Speculation that it is the information age, the computer and humming modem, fax, cellphone and other electronic assistants that are intensifying our working days is likely substantively correct: we are wired into and available to each other in a way no group of people on Earth before us has been. Since fourth density is an environment of groups working to increase harmony and pursue common goals, this communications network is a bit like training wheels for the upcoming density of love.

This handbook is for people who are willing to work with ideas about what point of view we wish to use in order to see our world more deeply and clearly. Perhaps we are physically better set up now to interact and network than we ever have been, but until we transcend the usual worldly attitudes towards others based on their rank, status and life information, we will be unable to find our way to devotional living in the midst of the rush of noonday life. We will be forever stuck on one thorn or another of the outer world and its catalyst. The beginning of devotional living is the decision to attempt to, in each circumstance in which we are concerned, to live a life based on faith instead of fear; desire, will and hope instead of details and facts alone.

The first vocation of each of you, by your very nature, is the vocation of living a life of devotion and faith. In this way, the deepest portion of your true nature is also the basic portion of the outer experience. When this attitude of mind, this bias or prejudice, shall we say, is realized within as a true desire, that which is within you of love has, for the first time, a voice. That voice is a voice which speaks in silence.[1055]

The silent witness of a life lived by faith seems something that would not show itself to the world. Often, it does not, in any obvious way. But the gift of each day’s living of such a life is inestimable. It is never an easy thing for us to move beyond the outer setting and structure of a difficult situation and find the aspect of it in which the sacred nature of existence and the openhearted love of our essential self can work its magic upon the outer picture. It requires a dedication of the self, a resolve of will, a persistence of effort: a choice, in short, to claim a degree of mastery over the outer world.

An attitude is only one word, yet this attitude is the key to the spiritual devotional life, for all things are sacred to the one who has the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the heart to understand.[1056]

The model for the devotional life used to be retreat. Even as recently as five years ago, I was still finding the time to go into spiritual retreat once a year. It was a rush to clear the weekend, but I felt it to be worth it to stop completely and rest in spirit for just a few days. However, our group retreat died for lack of attendees. Even though some few people in transition and inspiration find the time still for all sorts of transformative workshops, in the usual run of things we are simply too overladen with Atlas’ load to shrug it off and go into retreat for the weekend. We shall have to do this retreating without retreat, in the context of our everyday life. This means that if we choose to live a devotional life, we will be living at two levels at once.

It is the burden and the glory of those who do live a religious, spiritual or devotional life to live on two levels at once, for the level of the outer world is, indeed, the either/or of service to self or service to others and the dynamics of that life are unforgiving. Yet still, within these outer appearances lies an inner reality which only the heart of humankind can know or experience.[1057]

I trust that we are aware of how tricky a beau geste this two-layered living is! Remaining aware of the salient outer details and functioning competently on that level, and at the same time living by spiritual and ethical principles and the invocation on a constant basis of open-hearted love’s clear path through our energy system, is most subtle work. Seeing others as souls when they are such efficient mirrors for catalytic action is a powerfully difficult challenge.

Because one needs to live that which one has learned, it is most often the case that the one who too quickly undertakes the higher spiritual, almost discarnate skills of devotion, may well have been leaving behind a neglected body, an unloved body, and without the knowledge to do any other, the neglect of the spirit child within, which was born in each entity when each entity first chose to seek the truth with all of his heart.[1058]

This willingness to heal and accept our child within is essential if we wish to release ourselves into the open heart in a safe and confident way. If we think of the spiritual self within as being born when we awaken within incarnation to our spiritual identity, and gradually maturing as we work on our selves, our attitudes and emotions, we can see that this inner spiritual child will need continuing help. Every time we get off-balance because of the catalyst of living, we will be vulnerable to being pulled off our center of love within the open heart, and into the wilderness of the chaotic outer picture. Then our insecurities will surface, letting us know just what work we do have to do right now with that inner child. Perhaps, in the rush of action, we cannot make the time for this work at the exact moment we generate the situation and receive catalyst, but each day finally ends, and we can promise ourselves to reflect and work on what has occurred as we relax and get ready to rest for the night. As always, my chief recommendation in this regard is some regularized form of meditation, contemplation or prayer.

We encourage each so to arrange the daily habits that the center of being is given respect and pride of place within the daily life. As always, we suggest a daily meditation, a turning in and out of season towards that infinity which is the unarticulated love of the one infinite Creator. The challenge for each wanderer is to be able to dwell in this particular illusion, to enter fully into the processes of becoming a transformation yet remain at the center of being, consciously turning again and again to love itself.[1059]

The devotion inherent in the desire to turn to pure love is powerful, and I encourage us to hone that desire to rest in the open heart, at the same time that I caution us against becoming so focused upon our will and desire to serve and to love that we gain too great a sense of the goodness of our efforts and ourselves, and end up feeling prideful about our walk. This sets us up to defend the self. This is a very easy error to make:

As long as you think that you have a self that you need to defend, you shall be working with spiritual pride, and so entities for the most part are working with this. No matter how persistently, purely and devotionally you have sought year after year, yet still there is the sense of: “I” am searching, “I” am looking, “I” am seeking to become the best that “I” can. Conversely, we have found that coming into a fuller awareness of self is actually a process of subtraction, simplification and elimination of things from the defended self until finally the self is empty and the barriers are down.[1060]

In my own life, I have found this to be very true. Gradually, there is less that catches me in the net of contraction and fear. Little by little, I find myself listening as well as defending. One day, I would like to see all defenses gone, and the need only to love, accept and forgive. It is a goal I shall probably not meet within this incarnation, yet every tiny drop of fear and tightness that falls away from me feels so wonderfully light and roomy that the quest to let go of more draws me endlessly. Certainly, one key to allowing this gradual release from fear to take place is staying in the present moment:

Yesterday’s change is moving away behind you, tomorrow’s change is not imagined. You need only focus upon the present moment as you perceive it.[1061]

Focusing upon the present moment is not encouraged in this society, and to begin to do so constitutes a major change in one’s perceptual structure and priority of thought and catalyst awareness. For one thing, we are not encouraged to be this fastidious about our thoughts and motivations, but only about our actions. For another, we are taught to seek to reduce discomfort, yet major changes constitute, for most people, enhanced levels of discomfort. Choosing to live devotionally will not simplify our lives in the sense of making them more comfortable. More joyful, yes; more peaceful, yes! But more comfortable, not at all. We will find ourselves transforming, if we live in the present moment and the open heart at all frequently, in many ways, on various levels, at accelerated rates. It is a complex phenomenon, and the process engenders continuing feelings of being athwart of the society and, often, of parts of ourselves.

Each will be self-disappointed many times. We encourage each to consider that this, too, is a lovely portion of a process by which change within is achieved. Some things that were priorities will be lost; and as the heart and mind change their habits, that which is old and stale must fall away. This is perceived as painful. Consequently, what we are saying is that along with the flow of living life cooperatively with destiny, there is a continuing discomfort which comes from changing faster than other entities because that is what you wish to do. However, it is a simple choice to make for most who prefer being awake and in the conscious presence of the Infinite to being those who are asleep in a dream within the dream of incarnation itself, and do not ask themselves to do aught except flow along the lines of the society.[1062]

For most wanderers, there is no hope of flowing along the lines of society. We have been unsuccessful, at least in part, at doing that. We have sometimes felt ourselves to be outsiders, our thoughts a little different from the rest of society. Our alienated mindset, whether because of ET origins or because of our awakening to our spiritual identity as Earth natives, takes us to a realm where being an unquestioning and unresisting member of our culture is not an option. I believe that for most of us, the choice to live devotionally, to move into the open heart and its processes, is our one good opportunity to develop an acceptable and bearable life on Earth.

Dedicating The Self

Deciding to live a devotional life is an immense, life-changing commitment. In 1968, Don Elkins asked me to undertake to set up for him and run a household which was a spiritually based community of souls whose values and ideals coincided, and whose service seemed to be better offered as a group. At that time, I had a lucid dream in which Don, as captain of a canal boat, took me on board and asked me if I was sure I wished to be with him. “If you remain aboard this boat,” he said in the dream, “you shall never see dry land again.” I took this advice to heart, which was a good idea, since it was so utterly true. The degree to which we at L/L Research have been able to move actively into physical community has been variable. However, the ability to be a lighthouse and a spiritual community in the metaphysical sense (not implying physical nearness of the members) has moved from strength to strength as more and more people have become aware of and at home in our work. My life has changed completely since that first promise to Don. I regret not one whit of all of it. And it started with a conscious dedication of myself and everything I was to a life of faith and service.

The continuing beyond confusion, beyond distraction, beyond the difficulties, is much likened to the tempering of the metal in a tool that gives it strength, burnishing it that it might shine brightly and continue in its service with a renewed strength because of the difficulty, confusion and so forth. Thus, as you see the difficulty in motivating yourself to complete your meditations, this in itself is likened to a meditation where the focus falters and moves from the one point so that it must again be returned with patience and love to that one point. As you continue to accept the difficult portions of your journey and of your practices, you will find that there is an underlying strength that you build. To persevere and persevere and persevere is perhaps the most common and at times difficult portion of any seeker’s journey, yet to be aware that such is occurring within your own experience is an illustration of your own dedication upon another level.[1063]

I do not wish to sugarcoat this element of difficulty in dedicating the self to the “great work,” not either the first time, nor any time thereafter. Whether we are having trouble being faithful with meditations or with any other aspect of our spiritual practice, we will experience negative emotions. The dynamic common to most difficulties in dedicating the self to love is substantial frustration:

Each catalyst, each experience, each event within your illusion has the ability to temper the heart of the seeker, shall we say, the will of the seeker, the faith of the seeker. There is within frustration an inevitable rededication of the self to seeking, for the temptation is to stop, to quit, to rest, to have done with it.[1064]

It is going against the grain of cultural thinking to see in frustration and trials the refining fire of a friendly and helpful force. Yet this way of seeing and validating the inevitable movements between the open heart and the defended heart is correct, in my opinion, hard as it may be at first. Those of Q’uo say:

However well or poorly you may proceed at each moment that you experience in a conscious fashion, you try, you give, you offer in every instance of opportunity, and although you shall not fully succeed at all times or even in a majority of your attempts, it is the perseverance, the dedication, the continual reminders that you see about you and that you give to yourself, then, that are the refining qualities of the fire of experience that is yours within your evolution Seeing but glimpses of the one wishing to know more purely, sharing but partially, becoming weary with effort, pulling together the desire again and again and again, it is this desire that is your most honored ally upon this journey.[1065]

The dedication of the self, and the continuing affirmations of this choice of how to live, are indeed honored allies on this journey of love and service. Talking about one of the outer gifts, the Latwii say:

What matters, my friends, is that in whatever service you are attempting to perform, there lies beneath the surface an inner dedication that is not a veneer which washes away with constant use nor is rubbed away with idle chatter and stray thoughts, but instead remains, a kind of inner lodestar.[1066]

Following this lodestar of dedication of self, we are brought safely into a way of thinking about our experiences and life that allows us the most generous amount of freedom in working with ourselves, our catalyst and our destiny. To me, it is very absorbing to look into the present moments as they pass, seeing the love within them, seeing the rifts and inconsistencies of thought, seeing the whole spectrum of our spiritual practice. It can make us over-earnest.

We do not wish to unbalance your lives as you ponder the mysteries of service, for indeed very often the greatest service you can offer another is your own smile, your own light word, your own cheerful touch. Therefore, let your dedication be careful and deep. But do not forget to let the sunshine flow through all your thinking, and lighten it that your service may be pleasant and of good cheer. For it is with those about you that you shall wend your way as pilgrims. It is with those about you that the ever-changing present will come. Therefore, my friends, let your souls be merry and glad together, that in loving the one infinite Creator, you may love each other with the gentleness and forbearance requisite for each unique being in your life.[1067]

Forming A Rule Of Life

When I was a child being taught in Episcopalian Sunday school, I encountered the monastic concept of having a rule of life, and was immediately drawn to it. The concept follows the obsolete meaning of the word, “rule,” as a way of life or behavior. It fired my imagination to think of my whole life as a piece of art, a tapestry that I could create out of myself, my choices, the way I lived my life. The most basic elements on the list for forming a rule were poverty, chastity and obedience. In addition, there were devotional choices: the number of church services attended, prayers said, altar visits kept and so on. The narrowness of these choices did not altogether appeal to me, but the general concept so fired my imagination and nature that I began what has been a lifelong search for and gradual immersion in a rule of life that satisfies me. Along the way, I came to feel that all the elements of my life are equally sacred. Consequently, I have learned to include every chore and duty that I have in this rule of life I keep for myself.

Addressing the poverty issue, my solution was to choose not to work for a paycheck, but from love of the work. So far, this has been possible. I have no idea whether the future holds such pleasant pastures as the “good work” of my choice. If not, I shall work at what I can with joy in doing the job well. In terms of chastity, I determined, immediately upon being abandoned at the altar by my first love, no longer a virgin, that I would need to be creative with expressing the quality of chastity. My solution is the relative chastity and fidelity of a mated relationship. In my current marriage, my husband and I have been faithful to each other for two decades. It may be the times we live in, but this form of chastity seems to me to be a genuine one, expressing as it does the willingness to allow whatever comes within the relationship to be “enough.”

Obedience is the most thorny issue of the three, I feel, for the question remains: to whom or to what is one to be obedient? For myself, I have chosen to obey my husband when there is a need to act and a settled disagreement lies between us, and to obey my deepest heart’s dictates and guidance in all else. Although I often experience a subjective feeling of failure at various portions of my efforts to serve and learn, I sense also that feeling of rest which a willingness to surrender to the highest point of view offers.

Devotions or services are an element of many rules of life. My husband and I begin each day with a devotional offering. We have also created a program of meditative physical exercise for our noontide service, and we take the time to do our routine together, stretching, walking and exercising and sharing a bit of silence, every day. We end our days together by gently talking through our issues du jour and doing balancing work before closing with The Lord’s Prayer at bedtime. Weekly, we open the house to meditation and channeling meetings throughout the school year. And on Sunday mornings, I attend weekly Christian worship services, and sing in the choir while Jim scours the house, following our peculiar rule: cleanliness is next to godliness! These practices are as pillars supporting our lives. We have, through our years together, created many small and carefully thought out patterns of work and play which fill our needs and make time for everything we are interested in doing. I think a rule of life is especially useful and efficient in this latter regard. Without a plan, we are likely to pick one good thing to do and do that. In doing this, however, we are perhaps missing a few other activities we really want to include. I portion out my time carefully, so much for my correspondence, so much for cooking and for reading my junky historical romances. In honor of doing this handbook, gardening has been laid to one side for the most part this year. I look forward to getting my hands back in the earth, but I would not have missed this adventure of writing and sharing during this year for the world.

The planning of this schedule or rule of life is the work of many years for me, especially these last years from 1992 to the present. Certainly, I retained some aspects of my former rule of life after rehab. But many of my former habits were outdated and irrelevant. It was a delightful and freeing release, to be vertical at last, and to be getting stronger, but I found no immediately obvious, clear road ahead for myself. Attempts to work again as a librarian proved to me that I was, though much improved, still in too fragile a state of health to hold a job. This baffled all my worldly wisdom, which had pointed to my resuming some sort of professional work. Finally, it came to me that the heartfelt hopes I had of finishing L/L projects were wonderful and worthy goals to accept as mine to do, at whatever rate of speed I could find to pursue them, along with all the happy chores of living a normal life. I had made the mistake of thinking that we must work at a job out in the world in order to be useful. Freed from this concept, I found my way into a schedule of daily correspondence, miscellaneous duties and writing/editing projects that has filled my heart with satisfaction and my imagination with light and life. Allowing the work that is mine to come to me has been a great experience. For the first forty years of my life, I expected to work for a living and collect a paycheck, and I did that. Now, for a season, I have been able to work without a paycheck, and it has been an immense blessing to be able to pursue the work I have felt called to do.

Most of all, as I work at arranging my way of living, I am looking for the touchstone of maintaining the small life. I want to keep my life as simple as a busy life can get. I want to remain always a woman living a life of relationships and duties, rather than a woman seeing herself as a teacher, a writer or through the lens of any other outer gift. I feel that if I see myself as coming to the world through my gifts, I have left the small life. What this has meant to me is a continuing, daily discipline of attending to my personal correspondence and duties before I think to take up this handbook. Seekers write in to our web site each day, and I answer those e-mails first in my day, finishing with the “snail mail” people send us. This correspondence and the normal requirements of the daily round usually consume a good deal of time. This has made the handbook progress far more slowly than if I sat down in the morning and wrote until stopping time at evening. But it has also meant that when I come to it, I can sit down with a mind utterly free of other concerns. Everything else in my life is secure and quiet, and I am released to focus with my utmost love on the material and ideas at hand. I cannot express what a blessing this wonderful atmosphere of beautiful thoughts and high ideals has been to me throughout the writing of this work. And yet I remain a person living a life, who is also writing a book, rather than a person writing a book, who is also living a life.

In living the small life, the chief jewels are our relationships and small chores. How can maintaining our family relationships and friendships, keeping ourselves and our things clean and in good order, and fulfilling our small promises to community, church or other organizations be so precious? Their value is in their grounded reality and in the way they keep us real. If we have good relationships, those friends will keep us real to ourselves. If we maintain our normal chores and duties, they will keep us relatively humble and lacking in pride, except the pride in doing things well. These values may seem somewhat paltry when we are not challenged by change, but if we suddenly receive traumatic changes in our lives, whether seemingly bad or good, they will greatly help to stabilize and balance us. Sudden wealth, fame or power can be very disorienting, as well as personal catastrophe and sadness! Good things can make us just as “crazy” as disasters! I encourage us all to preserve the values and priorities of the small life for ourselves.

It is a way of seeing to perceive all things as holy and worthwhile. There is enhanced truth and joy in doing things as those things get smaller. The sacredness of sleeping and rising, eating and washing up, going out and in to do daily chores, lies imbedded within them for us to discover. We can avoid the big life, no matter how big we seem to get. We do not have to take on the bigness of others’ views of us, either. Are we famous? Now that is a handicap to a quiet life, but it is not insurmountable. Keep repeating, “I am a bozo,” while finding a way to stay real within ourselves. Are we in a huge job? That is very seductive of our self-concept, but we can work with that, reminding ourselves of our beauty as simple fools of eating, drinking and being more or less merry. When the life gets large and puffed up, it is very hard to get a solid connection with our essential selves. So we need some way of moving back into the small life, the rule of life that contains our essential needs.

A great key is the simple belief that our small life is worthwhile. How often we have been taught that it is not, especially if we are women who think of living at home and offering ourselves to the raising of children and the keeping of a home. In order to gain the world’s respect, it will often seem that we have to succeed in the world of jobs and finances. Knowing that the small things are sacred, and doing them is honorable, helps restore them to a position of respect and honor within ourselves. Let us put our heads down to work, but let us raise them up frequently to see, really see, the holiness of the leaf, the sunset, the cricket’s song, the firefly’s rise. This is where the real value of life is, in the passing beauty, the momentary task, the relationship that comes to us in this present moment with a question or a story in its hand.

Don Cushing, Jr., a member at our meditation meetings many times, wrote me in 1994 to ask if I had “any helpful hints regarding the necessity of the wanderers’ relearning a path to adepthood.”[1068] I wrote him then, and affirm now, that as far as I know, the central keys to this are realizing that we have adepthood within us, and realizing that the straightest path to it is to work on the awareness of the sacredness encompassing and consuming each present moment. It is truly written that “the place whereon we stand is holy ground.” It does not take Moses’ burning bush to sanctify our selves or the Earth we walk. They are already sacred, for the very nature of life itself is holy.

In a way, a rule of life is an artificial thing, with its options and choices and agendas of things to do and orders of priority. It is our bit of artifice and composition. It does not deliver us to the perception of glory or unity. It is, like so many things, a resource that tends to aid us in accelerating the rate of our spiritual maturation. Like any thought construct, it brings its directions of thought, its suggestions and hints, its disciplines that open before the interested eye. In another way, it is a system of choices that supports and undergirds our choice of polarity, works to help stabilize our developing spirit within and places us within a peaceful and undefended heart. Those of Q’uo say:

We would suggest that each awakened soul choose for the self that rule of life which most nurtures the spiritual child within, that child that dwells in the heart and can become mature only as the outer self makes room and time for it. Time spent in silence, whether formal meditation is offered or whether it is simply sitting, greatly aids the spiritual self within. Further, it helps to align the seeker with her personal destiny, for each has come with gifts to share, lessons to learn and service to offer. Each has planned for the self companions along the way and good work to do, and each has hoped that within the veiled conditions of the physical illusion that constitutes consensus reality upon your planet that the awakening would occur and the choices would begin to be made which would more and more allow the spiritual self within to mature.[1069]

It seems helpful to me to think of this inner spiritual child that we beget from our worldly selves when we begin to awaken. In a way, each of us is birthing the Christ child or a perfectly loving spiritual being within the manger of his own heart. These spiritual beings are beautiful infants. They have much to learn, and we will be those who either bring gifts and show encouragement to these fragile heart-children within, or through impatient condemnation, send doubt and rejection to those infant souls. It takes a good deal of patience and restraint to come into loving relationship with this growing child within. That self has all the maturation to experience that the worldly self does. It will individuate and rebel. It will be at odds with the surface personality again and again. Being our own spiritual parents is delicate work, and never easy. But we do have the help of that force roughly called “personal destiny” by the Q’uo. We are people who have placed the plan for our incarnational experience before ourselves quite carefully, and we will repeatedly hear that small voice that suggests how the tides of this destiny are flowing. Perhaps we will achieve an actual schedule of living for periods of time, but often the rule of life must be quite flexible:

It is not necessary for each day to be a carbon copy of each other day in terms of a rule of life. Each seeker will need to adjust its rule of life according to its surface weather, its felt needs at the level of the surface, at the level of time and space and connections within the illusion. It is not only satisfactory but recommended that each alter the rule of life as needs, hungers and desires are felt. Let us attempt to clarify this. Just because one has ceased to feel enthusiasm for a given practice, that does not suffice as a reason to alter the practice. As long as one is not hungering for another specific practice it is well to be persistent in enthusiastic weather and in adverse weather alike. However, as long as the seeker moves into that listening, that silent listening regularly, the seeker can feel fairly confident that it will have the inspiration and the desire to alter its practice when that alteration is appropriate.[1070]

Note the continuing suggestions to meditate and spend time in silence. There seems no better friend to a life lived in faith than silence. One issue of those with a rule of life is control. It seems rather cold and controlling in a way to choose a way of living which is so pervasively laid out before us. It may seem as though we have eliminated spontaneous new awarenesses from our plan for spiritual evolution! Those of Q’uo suggest:

One possible technique for the entity wishing to release that which it sees as control that it does not wish to retain within its behavior patterns would be to enter into the meditative state and to look at the patterns that the entity has developed, and to see these patterns of behavior as a web of rituals or habits which have given comfort. Look at this pattern and the barrier that it presents to further experience, in that there is the holding of the thought and action of the entity within the pattern. Imagine the experience that would ensue should the pattern be altered. Look to those areas where there is the desire for inspiration, for innovation, for the breaking of the patterns and the introducing of new experience. Feel how this breaking of old patterns and the introducing of new behavior would affect the life, the feelings, the concept of self. Imagine this process mentally. Then, when you feel that you would like to experiment with such innovation, allow yourself a period of time that is unstructured, so that whatever feelings or intuitive inclinations might wish to surface may do so. Move with these feelings as you wish, as feels appropriate. Explore in this safe arena of unstructured activity and thought all the attendant feelings and activities that move into the mind as you are experimenting. Repeat this process a number of times so that you begin to get the feel of releasing comfortable patterns and the feeling of accepting that which is new.[1071]

As we become more accustomed to having a rule of life founded on blind faith, we may well find that a new fearlessness has come to us. We will tend far less often to run away from the small difficulties of relationships and responsibilities. In a real way, having a rule of life objectifies the earnestness of our spiritual quest to ourselves, and helps us respect and honor the processes involved in awakening.

The more discipline that you bring to your way of living, your rule of life as this instrument would call it, the more you do rest in faith and do not contract away from the catalyst that constitutes this review, this test of your awareness of your balance.[1072]

The process of choosing a rule of life starts with the most basic of choices: to live in faith, to espouse ideals and to decide how to express these choices in daily life. It evolves into a way of seeing ourselves as magical and transcendental persons, coming from skin and bones and birth and death, but moving into eternity, infinity and deathless principles. It takes all the myriad forms of spiritual work and splays them out for us to choose from, like bolts of fair cloth at the draper’s when we are looking for curtains for our bowers. It makes us quilt-makers, sewing a gusset of faith, a piece of meditation, a swatch of service and all the rest of the materials of our lives into a counterpane that can clothe and cover us as nascent and developing souls.

Dealing With Suffering

There is suffering involved in each door you open in life. Wherever you look, in whatever land, in whatever subject, you find that those who would be true servants have made tremendous sacrifices, even unto giving up the life for others. You find people in each situation whose heart has remained open regardless of the circumstances. And you feel the strength of inspiration from those entities, those people who make the news for a day or two because they have leapt into the water and saved five people before they drowned, or went into a prison and released the prisoners, paying with their lives. And these stories touch deeply within your being and let you know of the depth and profundity of love that you have within you, and resonate and exalt and express the light and joy for knowing the beauty of those spirits and their great gifts. But we say to you that there are many, many millions more whose sacrifices and suffering you never see, for they suffer emotionally, and mentally, and spiritually, bearing witness to love, being givers of light regardless of the circumstances that would fell a lesser being. And each of you has opportunity after opportunity to meet situations without fear, to open to any catalyst whether it seems positive or painful. The faith to remain steady is to be prized, for there is, in steadiness, a vision, clear sight; and in persistence of openness, healing and forgiveness.[1073]

We return to the theme of the suffering of ourselves and of the human condition as we look at the nature of the devotional life. One great pillar of such a life is the calm and chilly assumption that we have, in the lives unfolding before each of us, just and excellent opportunities for learning all we have come to learn and sharing all the gifts we have come to share. A good bit of this learning and some of the service will seem to create suffering, sorrow, anger, grief and other negative emotions within us. As the catalyst comes into our lives, we gaze at the change such catalyst seems to require, and we lose our nerve for a while. One way or another, fear contracts within us from time to time, as life happens to us, and we suffer. I have seen arguments that no one really suffers at all, that it is a choice. Those of Q’uo persuasively suggest that:

You may deliver yourself into suffering if you wish, and say that you suffer in order to learn. This is a distortion which is subjectively true to many. You may also say that you maximize your opportunities to learn in order to learn. This is another way of saying precisely the same thing. Thusly, you may have pain greeted like the sister or brother that it truly is, welcome it with respect into your life, treat it as an honored guest, and be free of any suffering.[1074]

This excerpt from the Q’uo is a prime example of their somewhat skewed way of thinking, relative to Earth customs. I do suffer, and it is hard for me to believe I would choose to suffer! Yet perhaps to some extent we do, as we become more and more aware of the benign place of past suffering in our lives, and yet continue to resist present sorrow and other negative sets of mind when they arise within us. The Q’uo say:

We ask you to gaze with a cold eye upon the suffering involved in transformation, for this attitude is a balanced one in our humble opinion. It is to the person who is able to gaze upon the dark night of the soul with an indifferent eye, but a full and willing heart, that this process may begin to come easier. By releasing and yielding to your suffering, by welcoming that which must be suffered as a brother and as a sister, by offering the hospitality of your life, your body, your mind, your strength and your will to this process, the heart is opened as if by magic, and you find that no matter how intensely you hurt, it does not kill but, rather, cleanses, empties, renews and readies that instrument to be an ever clearer, purer and brighter channel for the light that must come through into the world or the love that must come through into the world, not from you but through you.[1075]

Becoming a light worker is a matter, at least in part, of altering the way we look at life, until we see ourselves as serving the forces of light and life by how we are, with ourselves, with those around us, with the catalyst coming to us and with the energy coming through us. If we prioritize our goals so that the goals of expressing essence of self and being come before the goals of deed and doing, we begin to shift over into the point of view of one who works with light. Light is coming through our systems at all times from the infinite Creator, but it is as we bless and consciously send these energies on through our systems and out into the world that the energies are enlivened and transduced, and become coherent enough to lighten the planetary vibration. Some of these energies are those which involve the suffering we experience as we meet catalyst and respond, and the whole becomes experience to us.

Why do we let the Earth world continue to offer us suffering? Some of us try to refuse, to remain observers so that we avoid suffering, but I am convinced this is no long-term answer. Suffering continues whether or not we admit its presence, and it distorts us from within more by being repressed than by being dealt with as it arises. Repressed suffering can harden into adhering karma, as negative feelings are not worked through, relationships sour, and we end our incarnations without resolution or forgiveness in some particular regard. One answer to “why?” is that we let this suffering happen because for the most part we cannot avoid it. The Earth world is designed specifically to give us seasons of great resistance and challenge. It is trying to knock us out of the pride of our mind’s knowledge of form and matter, logic and reason, and beyond outer illusion, into the silent wisdom of the heart. I have seen it said often that the longest distance in the spiritual search is the fourteen inches from head to heart.

You know that which you see is an illusion. Even your scientists speak to you thus. Your poets have always spoken so. Why do you open your eyes and allow yourselves to be pulled into an illusion that you are so aware of as an illusion? The answer is very simple. You are doing what you are supposed to do. Were you able to be blind to this illusion and awake to joy, you would not, nor should you, be here, dwelling in this illusion, learning and suffering and changing and transforming yourself, day by day, step by weary and seemingly plodding step. You have come here and have given up your true sight, and so you do not find your blindness a virtue. This is the forgetting, this is the veil, this is birth into an illusion, and you have plunged yourself into its icy waters, because in your courage you have wished to become better, to become more single-minded, to find more courage, to burn brighter, to have more passion and more single-mindedness in love of the one infinite idea or Thought that is love itself.[1076]

Since we wish to become better, since we hope to advance our own evolution and the planetary evolution, we dive from a pre-incarnative life, from what seems from this perspective a heavenly state indeed, where the truth is known that all is one, and from which all learning can be easily seen to have its just reasons, to plunge into a chaotic Earthly environment where truth, light and cause are most often half-hid in darkness. We come to the archipelago of Earth life with its many islands of organization that do not harmonize, and the confusion between that rolls with its tides of circumstance. We are voyaging Argos[1077] of experimenters in that sea of living, looking for balance in the tides and a harmonious home on islands which often appear to lack such a feature:

The deepest goal of one who leaves bliss in order to suffer is to find the joy within the suffering, to find the light within the darkness, to accept and thus solve the riddle of opposites. For if the life is a gift, a holy one, one set apart, then to live, to love, to feel, to be, is the true vocation, and all actions stem then not from the necessities of the employment or the personal situation, but from the inner agenda, which is to experiment continuously with the being, seeking always to polarize more and more towards a conscious inner realization of the wholeness and perfection that lie within the illusion; that make of the life a beauty and a gift. It is difficult sometimes for one who is suffering to see the beauty within the self, to realize that the self, by itself without action, is the true gift to the Creator and the true reason for this experience you call living.[1078]

What it seems to come down to is that this Earth was designed to test and try, refine and alter the material of our personality shell, and to an increasing extent as we learn to be more than that shell of self, the deeper soul material we came here to refine as well. There seems no good way to learn without the catalyst and the suffering that is sometimes the honest emotional response to the catalyst. Nothing else works as a chisel to uncovering and shaping our gemstone of self like the winnowing and beating of suffering on our surface natures.

There is no desire which is not fulfilled, and when one feels that one has worked for a long period of time and yet the goal has not been accomplished, it is often interesting to go back and reexamine the deep desires of the heart and mind. It may be that there is a far, far deeper desire for the deeper learning which is brought about when one has a longstanding and seeming failure. This consciousness of clay feet and imperfection causes a kind of unhappy tension which is called suffering, and this suffering creates a frame of mind in which the deeper senses become more and more sensitive and begin to make choices. We question each who has an unfilled dream whether in the suffering which has gone into disappointment there has not been a great deal learned which could never have been learned in the face of continued contentment and happiness.[1079]

In looking in hindsight at the gifts suffering has brought in its hands, we can often find the trail of breadcrumbs back to the original pattern that brought forward the difficult emotions. We can begin to see into the value of these seasons of suffering, and it becomes easier for us to approach new times of suffering with trusting and peaceful hearts.

The key here is to respect this incarnation, to respect the times of celebration and the times of suffering, however they may be perceived. You came into this illusion because you wished for these complications and distractions, not to look at them and then turn aside and move out of the world, necessarily, but rather so to orient the self that the limitless and unbounded truth that overflows each moment may, in the present incarnation, be encouraged to express the deeper and deeper nature of the self which transforms all the everyday experiences into those freighted with that precious burden of the immanence of love.[1080]

When a tough time comes, allow the catalyst and the responding emotions to flow through us like water seeping through stones. It will leach impurities and cleanse. There may well be pain, but if we do not grab it and hold it to ourselves, it will proceed through our systems and express itself, at its own rate.

If it is a time for your being to experience a negative seeming manifestation, gaze steadily into your brother difficulty. Know and accept that this, too, is a portion of the self, nor does it need to give rise to the negativity of thought form, for peace may be found in sorrow, yet sometimes the sorrow may be long in order that the spirit survive and heal. In those cases the sorrow is well if the spirit have faith in the positivity that surrounds, that which is needed to burnish the tapestry which one incarnation creates, for suffering done in nobility of mind, dignity of spirit and greatness of heart creates a somber, bright beauty that flames amongst the other stitches of the tapestry, giving to it a character and richness it would otherwise not have. Never mistake difficult challenges and others’ negativity to you for that which must be put into your tapestry, those stitches made by your heart and your mind. You are a sovereign being, an image of the Father. My friends, we are young gods. Let us search together for the face of our true identity.[1081]

To say that we are young gods sounds rather presumptuous. Yet if we follow the logic of a Creator of love and a state of unity of all that is within the creation and its Creator, we are inevitably drawn to the conclusion that in an ultimate sense we are the stuff of deity in an illusory and unfinished form. Seeing this quality within ourselves gives a good contrast to times when we are seeing all too clearly the face of our own pain.

We ask you to look always not only at the frail, brave, suffering and hollowed out human which became a channel to be of service to many, but to spend time gazing upon the face of deity, however you may find it and by whatever names you preserve it. It is a good thing to be what you are, and what you are will grow and change and transform, yet it is likely that one pattern or another is most likely congruent with your vibratory energy pattern. Thusly, not all of you will be Christians, not all of you will be Sufis, and so forth. Yet all these structures yield the same living water. All are channels through which this water may flow, and it is the discipline and devotion and firm intention to follow the example set before you that will open to you the consciousness which all have come to give, that one consciousness of the one Creator. You have within you that one Creator, and, in fact, in the end you shall be that one Creator.[1082]

As we attempt to increase our amount and quality of awareness of this spiritual self that will grow into deity, that is our gem within, we turn once again to the refrain of the Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow: enter the silence within our hearts, and join the one infinite Creator for regular times of communion, however we shape that:

We encourage each to turn from the question of “why” long enough each day to spend a few moments or minutes with the infinite Creator. The answers are within, and there is far more help than each here can imagine which is available to those who call upon loving, positive, discarnate energies. We encourage this leaning upon the invisible company of those who would support you. As you ask within, you will feel that sympathy in the depths of your heart and so will know that truly no one suffering suffers alone. The invisible company of those who love is there just as close as the breathing or the thinking.[1083]

I encourage us all to lean into that muscular silence of the Creator, and into the strong and powerful prayers of the many unseen presences that are here to help all beings. Every sweet deed and gentle thought, every longing prayer and affirmation of the light attracts those in the discarnate world whose thoughts and ideals are similar. The more we polarize, the more help we have to encourage and support us in our chosen biases and polarity. And eventually, we will find ourselves clear enough of our own miseries to become aware of the substantial suffering of the whole world, and more and more, our personal work will become more closely connected to our planetary prayers and work, as we see the connections between the suffering of all others and the suffering of ourselves come closer and closer, and finally conjoin. And as we come to love ourselves, we come to love the world and everyone in it.

It is a great privilege, greatly treasured by each before this incarnation, to be offered the opportunity to be able to carry not only a personal suffering, but also a deep, pure, sorrow that is the pain of the planetary sphere which you came to love and to serve.[1084]

May we suffer with style, grace and that generous joy that comes from a life lived by faith. And may our seasons of suffering blessedly end with the balm of Gilead.

Tests And Trials

Seasons of suffering are called by many names, the most common one being the dark night of the soul. One thing of which we can assure ourselves is that we will experience these times of trial, large and small. It is as though before incarnation began we were so greedy for this wonderful opportunity of a life that we piled far too much on our plate to eat at the banquet of living:

Before you came into this incarnation, you planned for yourself temptations, trials and troubles aplenty. You may have piled your plate very high, or done the equivalent of taking a twenty-one hour semester. It is not advisable, but we permit an ambitious lifetime, for if the ambition turns into fruit, it shall be great fruit. And those who suffer are those who bear fruit. Therefore, each of you has chosen difficulties on purpose, not for your abstraction, disgust, apprehension, fear or worry, but for catalyst, that you may learn the lessons of love that it his been given you to learn to make the choice of service to others.[1085]

Perhaps knowing that these inevitable patterns of sorrow and other negative emotions bring us to our lessons of love and ever purer service to others can help us better to accept these things:

All paths will contain the difficulties which you have prepared for yourself. Each of you has great trials in the past and in the future. That is the nature of the illusion in which you have chosen to pursue the learning of the lessons of love. If you attempt to choose an easy path, difficulties shall come to you. If you attempt to choose the difficult path, difficulties will come to you. It is impossible to avoid them. So the virtue lies not in choosing difficulty, for difficulty is inevitable. The choice well made is that choice which seeks the most opportunity for service to others. We do not find it necessary to encourage any to wear hair shirts and make themselves uncomfortable thereby, for each will be very uncomfortable and feel as though he were indeed wearing the hair shirt again and again throughout the incarnational experience. It is just as futile to attempt to avoid difficulty. Those who attempt to make their lives easier and choose the easier path will still find the same lessons learned and every single iota of difficulty experienced whether the attempt to avoid the experience is made or not. You cannot move from your own nature.[1086]

The way out of the difficulties of the spiritual path is directly through the thick of the issue or concern. For we truly cannot avoid being ourselves. Those times of sorrow come upon us for love’s reasons, but how hard they are to see into, sometimes! It can seem a most exhausting and fruitless endeavor to sustain oneself without resorting to a weary bitterness when under such emotional siege.

Gradually, the path winds as it will, difficulties and tests mount as the capacity to learn increases. This love created; this love destroys. All that is is within that which we must, for lack of other words, call love. This awesome and terrible love shall test and stretch each of you. That it does so with sure purpose is very hard to see. When you are emptied and the filling of your cup has begun, rest in the hollowness within, and allow the open heart to feel the peace of this one moment without fear. May you be sustained.[1087]

One bright aspect about times of trial is the opportunities they give us to penetrate that personality shell of ours and dig through into richer, deeper fields of being:

Each of you has this sterling opportunity to break through the defenses, the shells, the masks that each has gathered about itself to defend itself from those pains which it fears. And the answer to these pains and difficulties is simply to accept them, to embrace them, to walk through them by faith, working in each case to see the love that is in the moment and to be a part of that which is good for all those whom you meet. You see, the confusions, the difficulties, the suffering are symptoms, shall we say, of the process of change or transformation when you have incomplete information. Each of you has woefully incomplete information in the conscious mind.[1088]

In a way, we are as Isis going after the hidden parts of Osiris, trying to complete the puzzle of our whole selves:

By throwing the self into the experiences of confusion, frustration, difficulty, disharmony and disease, the seeker of truth might test its ability to find the perfect reflection of self within each moment, in order that it might, piece by piece, experience by experience, construct the complete picture of the self, the creation and the Creator as one being.[1089]

Together with the meditative and contemplative practices that aid the searching soul in assembling a better whole picture of the development of the self, when going through a tough experience it may be handy also to look at the issue of our desires. In this situation, what expectations or attachments to some outcome do we have?

If at any time a difficulty arises, upon its examination there will always be found an expectation of some sort that is not being met. This is not to suggest that one should have no expectations. It is merely an analysis of how things work, shall we say, and that, therefore, to be aware of the expectations one has in a given situation is the first step in dealing with whatever difficulties may arise. Once one is aware of one’s expectations, these may be worked with, and, perhaps, adjusted if found to be unsatisfactory.[1090]

Sometimes we can see right away that some settled preference of ours has bound us to an unhappy circumstance, and rather skillfully adjust our preferences to ease our sorrow, but sometimes we cannot. Sometimes, we seem to stumble and fall, and have no immediate help or hope. Our preferences go to the bone, and we find no way to alter them. These are times when the veil of unknowing is heavy upon us, and faith is hard to hold.

We are aware of the difficulties in traversing the path in darkness and of the strong desire many of you have for the illumination of the sun, so that obstacles may be seen, dealt with appropriately or avoided altogether. The illumination of the sun on the path occurs, however, only when the veil does not exist. You are aware of the necessity of the veil for work done within the illusion. As a result of this, there is rarely perceived any clear direction upon the path. It must be taken one stumbling step at the time, and that which is encountered will be encountered and dealt with according to the current state of being of the seeker. It is the continuation on the path that is the important thing.[1091]

May we continue on the path of seeking together with a merry heart, made lighter by the company of each other!

Walking By Faith

Those of Q’uo say:

It is often assumed by those who are not on a spiritual pilgrimage that the greatest boon of living a spiritually oriented life is the peace of having made such a deep choice, and, indeed, there is that peace of commitment to a life in faith. However, what those not on the path often forget or do not know is that the pilgrimage towards eternity, while greatly speeding up the pace of spiritual evolution, is terribly uncomfortable and inconvenient.[1092]

This caveat to forget comfort is deeply true at times of the devotional life, and those souls who are expressing that all is sublime within their approaches to life are, in my opinion, largely those souls happening to enjoy good times, for although we may remain peaceful within our hearts while entertaining sorrow, grief or anger, we can be said usually to have become to a degree uncomfortable. And although we always hope to learn enough so that we will be able to control our environment, we cannot do so in the metaphysical sense:

The greatest wisdom that you shall ever learn in your density at this time is that you cannot know anything; in other words, that your incarnation is based completely upon faith. You are on a journey in uncharted waters and your intellect will not be able to be so wise as to steer your spiritual journey. Many mistakenly attempt to live a spiritual life coming from the intellect and from wisdom. However, this energy does not make use of the open heart, and it will not take you far. And those seas into which it pitches you will be as confusing as the seas you left behind to seek for wisdom. It is our understanding, rather, that your density is a starkly simple stage set for making one choice again and again and that is the choice to love and to be loved.[1093]

The devotional life has enormous room in it for wisdom. The measured philosophy, the inspirational discourse, the exalted poetry of wise men and women can lift us up, educate us and illumine us. But attempting to reduce the threads of suffering and circumstance we are weaving into the tapestry of our lives to things known and solutions found will likely prove only partially successful, for the quality of catalyst and experience is not linear, and connections are made in nonrational ways. It can be very bewildering to look at the strange landscapes we arrive at and move through in our evolving walk with spirit, and it is very easy to wish for an outer authority. 131 says:

When I first found your website and started perusing the newsletters, the one I found and latched onto first was Number 40, on the power of faith and will. I think this is a weak area for me and one in which I lack a proper understanding. It accounts for why I sometimes look to sources outside myself for guidance, instead of looking inward to my own higher guidance. It is something I would like to strengthen in myself.[1094]

Faith and will have a lot to do with guidance. Guidance is all around us; of this I am perfectly convinced. The more we look to any outside authority for knowledge of what is going on in our experience, the less we give our own self-guiding system a chance to perform normally. I have had a lot of people write in with the desire to meet their own personal guides or guidance system, and while I can work with people to do this, I think it is a straighter path to the guidance within our deeper selves simply to have faith that the guidance system is in place and that we are receiving hints and suggestions from it in our everyday lives. The skill then becomes to pay attention to the present moments as they pass. When we rest back into faith, we become ready to pay heightened attention to the present moment, and to our hearts’ meeting that moment with open love.

Be or practice to be unafraid of trouble. Find ways to be serene while you are not understanding, for this lack of understanding will continue and is irrelevant to the process of spiritual evolution. When the heart is opening a tremendous strength fills the spirit. Whenever this is not felt and you become aware that the heart is closed we ask that you touch in to your own faith, to the guidance that surrounds you, to the love that overshadows you, the Mystery that made you and claims you for Its own, and rise refreshed and peaceful.[1095]

Circumstances may upset us, relationships may founder our spirits temporarily, but if we live by faith from moment to moment, we may always refresh ourselves in the waters of our own being. We may be awash with the catalyst, but we can breathe the water. And the voyage cannot fail.

The exercise of faith is simply that willingness to believe and to act upon the belief that there is a plan that is in effect and that cannot fail, and that that plan will constitute a destiny that is a safe passage regardless of the many twists and turns that always occur.[1096]

We cannot in any way prove that a life in faith is a good choice. It often looks positively silly. But we can act as if our reliance on faith were completely deserved, for that is the essence of faith: it begins with “act as if.”

Invoke faith without knowing that it is reasonable to do so. Live as though you had perfect faith, that your destiny will come to you and all that is for you will simply be attracted to you as it is time for it to appear. Live as though it were true and notice those subjectively interesting hints and suspicions and suggestions and synchronicities that say to you, “Yes, you are on the right track.” Each of you will have various experiences that, for you, grow to be the signal for, “Yes, you have got it right; yes, this is what you should be doing.”[1097]

Eventually, we all do get moments of the most radiant apprehension and perception of the perfection of the plan. Mountaintop experiences will come to us. Faith walks the valleys; our life is spent largely in the vales and along the rills of living. Those grand scenic panoramas of peak experience come as gifts only, not to inform or sustain. What sustains us may in part be the bare memory of such peak experiences, and I certainly have my share of mystical states to recall with awe and humility. But my observation has been that they are not sturdy company back in the dales of daily living. I cannot trot them out, either for myself or for others, as bijous to enhance faith. What continues to enhance faith is time spent in eternity and infinity, daily time spent with the Creator, time out of time and space. We may think of the silence that brings us to these things as a rainbow bridge:

When you have determined that which creates the bridge to eternity for you, we urge you to cross that bridge as often as possible. The ideal which was shown by many entities is to live in such a way that the entire life experience becomes a parable of the journey to infinity, of the ridding of oneself of the dross of perishability and the winning through of the understanding that your consciousness, more and more refined, polarized and uplifted, is indeed imperishable and is your true self. The more time one spends having crossed the rainbow bridge into eternity while in the physical body, the more one is able to offer in consolation, in forgiveness, in peace-making. For to one who has faith, there is no problem too great to solve, and that which is unsolvable is acceptable. Each day and night is its own entity, appreciated for itself, experienced for itself and action done for love out of faith. This is the life in faith.[1098]

What sparks my own faith? Devotions do. I love moments and minutes of prayer, affirmation and meditation. I love the silence. I love inspirational messages that stir up my soul and lift my spirits. I love the world of natural things. And I love helping people. As each of us finds what makes us respond and quicken in spirit, let us make these practices our own, for coming into a fully functioning life in faith is like coming home in a profound way, a way I would like very much to share. We seek to build, within this mortal shell of life that is our body, an imperishable consciousness.

Within the third-density illusion, each seeker of what you call the truth places itself in a position of receptivity to that truth by the intensity of the seeking [and] the strength of faith and will, so that at some point within the cycle of incarnations, it is possible for such a seeker to not only discover that which it seeks, but to become that which it seeks. This is the meaning of the resurrection within third density. The seeker builds with mortal hands a manifested life that may be constructed in such a fashion in metaphysical terms that that known as love may move through the being in such a pure fashion as to shine as that which it is, the pure and virgin consciousness of the one Creator, moving to gain the experience of the creation which it has made of Itself, and doing this within the life pattern of incarnate third-density beings who have prepared this place within their life patterns and, thus, not only receive that which was sought, but become that which was sought.[1099]

As we bring our work more and more within ourselves, not working with the outer picture but with our own minds, hearts and biases, we begin not to resist outer catalyst so much. This, too, is a help in simplifying our experience:

For those willing to live by faith and the feeling of rightness, the life may feel that it is being lived more and more without effort, more and more like the well-oiled rifle which accepts the bullet and powers it most swiftly and straightly to the target through all the air in between. The spirit within has the capacity to live as the bullet does: swiftly, straightly, accurately and with substantial force. Even those who are without any sense of personal destiny may well find events quickening and becoming more simple because there has been, for whatever reason, a willingness to move forward without resistance when change of some kind is seemingly necessary.[1100]

All these aspects of walking by faith may help to ease the difficulties of hard emotional times. Above all, let us find sympathy and love for ourselves when we are weary.

We encourage you to comfort yourself when your journey is arduous and you need a place to rest. You have that within you and need only construct it in your mind. You may also with your mind and your will construct within your dwelling the tools for healing and for rebuilding the intensity of your faith that there is a path, that truth does exist, and that there is such a thing as love and the will to seek that which your faith tells you is there.[1101]

Cooperating With Destiny

How precious to us is the rest we gain when we trust that the challenges and trials we have in our daily life are justly given us in order that we may learn as much as possible, but never too much! I can attest that once in a while we feel that we come right to the edge of its all being too much. But whatever breakage we experience, we then eventually experience those times of healing that restore us. Meanwhile, we encourage our hearts to remain soft and vulnerable to the experience of difficulty:

Yours is the last density with truly adverse conditions for the positive, or service-to-others oriented person. Only in this density, the density of choice, does this occur. Know then, that this which is in front of you is not more than you can work with, is not that which defeats; you would not program that for yourself. But you are stretching yourself, because you wish to change, you wish to become even more polarized in love and service to the Creator and others than you are now.[1102]

So the idea is not to resist this suffering, but to become accepting of and transparent to it.

The goal of the suffering seeker is not an end to suffering but, rather, an increased or enhanced sense of the sanctity, the hallowed nature of these processes of learning, of changing, of evolving through experience. Each seeker chooses the degree to which it shall suffer as it resists or does not resist the beckoning call of its own destiny. Each is co-creator of that destiny. Each has chosen the classes it has in this school of incarnation. Therefore, all is well, metaphysically speaking, whatever the suffering looks like, for it is simply a portion of experience allowed to be suffering through the resistance and fear of the changing that the learning creates.[1103]

When the resistance to suffering is felt, there is a fear as if we are falling and must land well. However, our selves are actually in a free fall, in the fool’s leap of faith, and this is where the rhythms of destiny flow. In surrendering to the presence of the suffering, we are surrendering to the destiny that is flowing through us.

When at last you do not mind free-falling, you shall have arrived at a reasonably comfortable metaphysical stance from which to gain a somewhat more accurate view of the rhythmic beating of destiny. Blown by the winds of free will, that destiny has a surety, a sure-footedness that cannot be moved by decisions that turn you from one direction to another. You cannot go away from the right path, for those lessons that you came to explore, those lessons of how to love and how to allow being loved, are fluid and living and they can move with you wherever you go. So in the sense of making tragic errors we ask you to be fearless. You cannot make a mistake, metaphysically speaking, for your lesson and your destiny shall follow you wherever you are moved to go. Yet to cooperate with that defined destiny is often to allow the little world to die away that the greater self and the greater will might be presented more clearly.[1104]

Since we cannot make a mistake in the metaphysical sense, we are free to consult and surrender to the will of the Creator for us, as we come to know it.

Each person wishes for personal power, power to control, the power to shape the destiny, and this is your right, my friends, this is your obligation. Yet know that the first and greatest power is given to you in the act of surrender, for the heart that has surrendered can hear the song which will lead you. Those who close and stop their ears and demand that things be thus and so, thus and so, will indeed hear a siren’s song. And the manifestation of sorrow in the life of one who controls shall be less and less. These are the ones who are wayward and lost, for they cannot go home, yet they are not able to go forward. Surrender, then, and purify your ears to the song of life, that life which is beyond life and death.[1105]

How easy it is to drift into the making of plans! I do that often, the more fool, I! It is so tempting. It fills the pockets of the mind to make plans. But metaphysically speaking, we are doing better to surrender fully to paying attention to the present moment:

In the sense of accelerating the process of learning it is well to work within the self to realize that there is a drift or tendency that can loosely be called destiny, and it is safe, we feel, to say that this destiny is a benign and helpful one, worthy of faith and trust and, to some extent, able to be made visible by the seeker who is willing to listen and feel and intuit and truly, in each way that you can, simply pay attention. For as the way with the Creator is overwhelming, there are signs on every side, synchronicities and coincidences that mount up rapidly when one is paying attention.[1106]

Not that it is ever easy to have the patience to surrender to paying attention: that is the price that seems often too dear!

If you can trust destiny enough to release the attempts to control it, the natural waves of energy moving out from the center of that kindly destiny which is each seeker’s will gradually take that seeker upon the path and in the direction which is deeply desired. We do not need to tell you how difficult a practice it is to maintain the silent and listening receptivity to destiny in a world in which intangibles and invisible things are often given no worth or value at all. Yet, this practice is most productive of peace of mind and is very efficient in its own way at keeping the seeker upon the path chosen before the incarnative experience. It is not that your life was predestined, but, rather, that certain things were chosen by you. Certain patterns were chosen by you in order to focus on certain lessons concerning love. The energy that has moved you through various stages of life has been an energy which feels natural impulses towards some lessons and complete indifference towards others. No one else has your path. No one else has your lessons. You need no one else’s lessons, so each pilgrim that is walking upon this highway is walking alone in a very deep sense.[1107]

We are alone in the sense that our learning is unique to each of us, not in having learning to do. The Creator is very patient with the patterns of our lessons. If one relationship that teaches a certain lesson is ended before the pattern is complete, we will receive another such relationship so we can continue our observation on this point. There is no sense in ducking a perceived lesson. Try to follow these challenges through to the end, to honor them as well as exhaust the catalyst. And always consult our hearts first, not our intellectual minds, when working with catalyst:

The more you can remember who you are, the more easily shall you be able to find that center, that place of knowing that is the holy of holies within, that place where the Creator waits for you patiently, hoping that you may stop. Open that door and tabernacle with the most high. Feel that heart within you open as you think of love and know that the most important thing you will ever do is find that place and live there. It matters not whether you follow your head or your heart; there are no mistakes. But if you wish to cooperate with destiny you will consult your heart first.[1108]

Resting in the open heart, we face the day, and the catalyst of the day:

The choices you work on making skillfully are choices in substance and quality of beingness. This beingness informs whatever choices are made. We are not in any way saying that it does not matter whether one makes choices; it truly does greatly matter. We simply wish you to grasp the thought that these choices are those which have to do with one’s stance or attitude towards that which is facing it rather than having to do with one situation chosen over another. There is a saying in this instrument’s mind, “You can run, but you cannot hide.” The destiny which you skillfully offered your future incarnational self before this experience holds sway in the amphitheater of your brief existence in this one incarnational opportunity. You need not attempt to monkey overmuch with the tendencies or basic givens of your incarnation. What you are here to do is refined and refined again and again, the choice of focus, of attitude with which it faces the present moment which is destined to be just so.[1109]

When we see old catalyst coming around again, it is tempting to tell the Creator that we have already learned this lesson, please leave us alone! However, this answer will not satisfy that force of the Creator which brings us catalyst. If the winds have blown us this catalyst, then a review has been considered in order by a force which is following the preferences of our higher self for us. We need to trust that there is time enough to work with all catalyst until its rhythms are complete.

Each of you falls headlong into a blazing white light, the white light of an infinite Creator whose very nature is love. You are falling unbelievably quickly, and you shall fuse and become one in your perception as you already are in reality with love itself. This is your destiny. And yet speed is such a relative thing. None of you knows how quickly spiritual gravity pulls you toward that great center, that great unity. Each of you feels you cannot possibly be moving quickly enough, you need to know more. And so you draw yourself along. Yet in reality, you could not hold yourself back if you tried.[1110]

We need to realize, as part of the devotional life, that the right use of will with regards to approaching our learning in this density is not to use it to reach for our upcoming lessons but to surrender it to the will of the guidance within, the forces of destiny and the Creator itself, in trust that we will receive all we need for our evolution of soul.

It is the fundamental nature of third-density entities to reach. Thousands of incarnations go by as each entity refines that for which it reaches, until finally in one way or another the entity begins to realize that much of reaching cannot be done in any environment except the environment of the silent, seeking heart. You are creatures who have a memory which is buried deeply within you, and is a portion of that which makes you alive, that you are a creature of a Creator, and that you have a destiny, an appointment towards which you move, quickly or slowly, to the Father and to you. It has no meaning to be concerned about the length of your time that it may take to refine this instinctual sense of something more into a practice that ultimately makes immediate contact with the mystery which lies beyond all information.[1111]

We need to be sure that we are not rushing ourselves metaphysically, that we are giving full respect to that which the moment has for us, regardless of how small or large that yield of the moment seems. Much opens to the more penetrating gaze, at unpredictable moments, out of nowhere.

There are the strong trade winds of destiny, those that blow from forever, and there are the delightful, seasonal, unpredictable whims of spirit that offer the chance and change that marks the unique experience of being a conscious individual given the gift of free will. Metaphysically speaking, the dance between destiny and free will provides a way of thinking about those whims which affect the spontaneous, expressive self, that meaningful, substantive self to which that question about “hurrying up” has reference, for the blurring of experience through rushing too much is not simply a physical phenomenon, but also a spiritual one.[1112]

What we ask for before incarnation is not to be happy or sad, idle or busy. Although we hope to fulfill our dreams of service and learning, we really ask of ourselves only one thing: to experience as fully as possible the Earth plane and our incarnations.

To focus upon change is skillful for the one who works to accelerate the rate of spiritual evolution, but we greatly encourage each to couch this focus upon change within the larger picture in which you may see that there is a strong and substantial reason to trust and have perfect faith in destiny. You have put yourself on this train. This trip is planned by you. You did not ask yourself to be happy or sad, to do well or to do poorly, not at all. You asked yourself to experience this exact incarnation. This is your responsibility: to experience as fully as possible each moment.[1113]

If our responsibility is to experience life, then we are freed to rest in the plenty of the heart. The devotional life is built on this trust and this rest, as we cooperate with destiny and live for the day and the moment with knowledge that we will learn, and we will serve, and both opportunities will reliably come to us when we are ready.

If an entity wishes to hear the voice of the Creator, to hear aloud the appropriate service described, it must wait for the rhythms of destiny to unfold in their spontaneous way. Nothing, including a surety of service, is intended for those within your plane of existence to hear and mark. Rather, the opportunity is instantaneous, and it is the entity who has surrendered all private desires to respond to the situation, not questioning whether it be one’s service, but moving from a position of spiritual abundance and rest to trust in the spontaneous opportunity for service at the level of instinct. The appropriate meditation, then, upon the will of the one infinite Creator, is the trustful relaxation into apparent ignorance.[1114]

Being Part Of A Spiritual Community

As far back as history records, we can read of groups of people gathering to share community and worship. As our current traditional religious systems have faded in their magnetic pull for awakening spiritual seekers, seekers have tended to look for alternative forms of spiritual community. The internet offers millions the chance to talk with those who have common interests, and some of these groups can constitute spiritual communities or lighthouses. Those of Q’uo attest to the enhanced power that is a group’s resource. Talking to our meditation and study group, they said in 1999:

You have become an infinite power for love and light, and this is a resource that we are glad that you are taking part in, not only because we feel close to each of you as we meditate with you, but also because we have heard the sorrow of the brothers and sisters upon your planet, and we know that the light energy that you gather in groups such as this will have a great healing effect upon the suffering of the world as a whole.[1115]

All sorts of people, such as this holistic light center manager, are trying to form light groups:

My work of service is right now bringing more and more lightworkers together in this area. It is quite an experience to meditate together.[1116]

We at L/L Research have also found it to be quite an experience to meditate together! When people decide to come visit us, their basic question to us is, “What do you do?” Romi Borel’s request is very thorough:

In meditation last night the suggestion came that I should come visit you. What do you do there? Can you help me in my efforts to become “on purpose”? Do you “teach” there? Have classes of some sort?[1117]

To answer that question: We do welcome guests. They may come any Sunday from Labor Day to Memorial Day, for a public group meditation and study meeting. We have silent meditations on second and fourth Sundays, and channeling meditations on first and third Sundays. Fifth Sundays, we take off! People may come, if they are among the registrants, for our annual Homecoming. And if there is a special need, they may come and check us out at any time they are able to make the trip. We live in Kentucky, which from either coast and most other places is the back of beyond. We keep that in mind and open our home to those who feel they need to make contact physically.

What we do at L/L Research, though, is live a devotional life. That is, we attempt to live devotionally. We consider at this point that our main service is being, both as individuals and as a light group. We keep our prayers and services daily, keep the light shining insofar as we are able in our hearts, intents and actions, and look for the love in the moment. It has been a long time since we have felt we have anything specific to teach. What we see, over and over again, is that any place which has become a spiritual lighthouse or center, such as ours and many others are for people around the globe, becomes a magical entity. Seekers come with transformation and realization on their minds to L/L Research’s physical doors, and they may well feel that wonderful things happen to them during their visits here. But from our standpoint we are able to see that they bring the transformations with them, and allow them to happen here, because they perceive that the gardens of L/L are a safe place to do that work. I hope and pray they are indeed safe, for all who come. We do offer classes of a sort, at the annual Homecomings, according to the wishes of our group for each particular meeting, and at the weekly study and meditation groups, also strictly according to the requests of the members present. We are most delighted to talk with people either at the meetings or on visits, or through correspondence. I spend most mornings working on correspondence, and find it most illuminating to work with the various people I meet. Jim also corresponds with a wide variety of wanderers. Between us, we attempt to respond to everyone who writes to us.

Our chief gift is sheer presence and being. We are here. We delight in being here! It is our privilege, and we hope to walk this watchtower as long as we are incarnate. As Jim and I age, we are as aware as ever of the possibility of increasing our little community physically. We have attempted physical community once since Don Elkins’ death, with Kim Harris, in 1990 through 1991. Kim greatly helped us at L/L, but moved on. We recently had another candidate for inclusion in L/L Research, a man who has spent eight years attending our weekly meetings and studying the material we have to offer, a man who runs our computers and administrates our web site, a man we love very deeply and appreciate. He thoughtfully turned us down. We were rather expecting this for we know how daunting that prospect is, since we have both made that momentous and life-changing decision to join a non-Earthly family. Sacrifice is always involved in a move to physical community. We are quite aware there is no clear advantage to someone’s joining us, in any worldly sense. Going from independence of living to community participation and duties involves a shakedown cruise for the new family members. The new member’s work load would increase, as his life style would change from eating when he wished to having regular community mealtimes, and doing for one to living in a home with fast-growing weeds and community needs that exceed his own personal requirements. Without inspiration, without deep commitment and a solid sense of rightness to the life path, it is not logically or emotionally feasible. The only advantages for such a new member would be the boons of spiritual community, support and encouragement in daily devotional practices, and the strengthening of each group member’s offering of self to the Creator:

It is the nature of a functional community to find ever more ways to foster and nourish, nurture and support each other. And as one finds such a community and enters into communion with those in that community there is a strengthening and a stability which becomes possible only as entities group together and offer themselves for that which is greater than they are.[1118]

Group meditation is a wonderful part of that communion within community:

As you sit together physically in the silence of this shared imaging, there is set up betwixt the group lines of communication that will not stop humming when the conscious minds leave that tabernacle of asking, for after the choice is made and destiny is being followed, yet still, there are choices every moment that work towards harmonizing energies or do not. And every shared moment in this holy silence together is productive of deepening and ever clearer channels of communication which are blessed with a more informed viewpoint, that of your higher selves, and aids in information, and that higher self that is you as a group.[1119]

Group meditations always seem to me to be very much more powerful than individual meditations, although certainly some times of solitary silence are tremendously enspiriting. The group’s blending lifts all members, as it helps each to rest in faithful surrender. And for the many thousands of seekers who have appreciated our books and our presence through the years, our existence gives to them a place to belong, and even a time to join in a group meditation if they like, for we always begin to meditate at 5:00 in the evening on Sundays, Eastern Standard or Daylight time, depending on the season. Many people around the world join us in those meditations, and some join Jim’s and my daily offering each morning at 9:00. These, too, are ways that a community of light can serve a world increasingly aware of its need for fuller light. It has been our experience that anyone can become a light center, simply by opening her home to some sort of study or meditation meeting on a regular basis. Think about what we may have to offer, if we are drawn to this aspect of a devotional life, for many are the people who are searching for an honest and sincere group with which to link.

The desire to serve is greatly enhanced by those who have banded together in order to support each other in service. So the community feeds entities and at the same time entities feed into community by their participation in the activities seen and unseen, by their sharing with others that which they have thought and talked about in community. It is as though there were a net being made of golden thread, and each time one awakened wanderer links up with another and establishes a spiritual community another piece of the net is woven, and eventually that net will cover your orb like a golden seine and the Earth shall be completely surrounded in unified love. We see this occurring at this time. It is moving towards fuller manifestation rather quickly as more and more entities awaken and establish connections and share with others their own focal points or spiritual communities so that more and more entities may feel secure and stable and part of something that is higher and bigger than the everyday concerns of living, for truly these concerns are constant throughout third-density experience. It is completely up to each seeker as to how she wishes to express the self and the love of the infinite One in each person of the daily round.[1120]

It matters not in the slightest to the Creator, I think, whether we are offering ourselves as individuals or as a group, as Christians or as Buddhists or as nothing in particular. What matters is that we wish to live our lives in faith, devotionally, seeing all things as sacred aspects of one experience that resounds with echoes of the Creator. If we can trust that echoing, resonant chamber of awareness into which we have poured ourselves for this experience, we shall find our lives fill up with beauty and deep rhythm, and the feeling of peace that lies beneath dependency and trust in the outer picture, and rests with the heart at peace in flowing and unconditional love. May we find our hearts opening, and our lives becoming sacred to our own eyes.

Chapter Sixteen: L’envoi: The Sending

As I write these words, the dog days of summer shine down upon Kentucky. Six months’ writing has allowed me to finish this collection of gems of thought from discarnate entities and other thoughtful writers. Working with these wonderful ideas and principles has lifted me up and taught me much, and I hope that each reader has found some good resources and solid assets in these pages.

But I hope more: I sincerely hope that each of us strongly feels a new level of commitment to the service and ministry of being and essence for we took incarnation. I am not calling us out of the world to some retreat from civilization. I see great value in the illusion this world gives us to enjoy. I am calling us to stay within the world and enjoy it for what it is, to be those who fully realize that they are in the world but not of the world. I am calling us to live in the rush hour of life as we experience it right now, with a mind to encouraging the growing realization of the sacredness of these very moments. I am calling us to the life of the open heart. I am calling us to our own style of worship, devotion, action, creation, outrageousness, commitment or adoration, whatever living from the open heart causes to occur within each of us. I am calling us to the cheerful embracing of hard times, when they come, in the faith that this is part of a good plan.

True worshipful living is a high risk occupation. It is not a loop into the light, but rather a loop into darkness. The illusion creates an emotional, mental and spiritual twilight in which ideals, the purification of emotions from attachments, and the mindfulness of continuing awareness of the worship bloom in the darkness of blind faith. That is, the true worship is worship of a mystery, awe, wonder, a greater and greater subjective feeling of being held firmly by that which is not illusion, although one cannot understand it, so that the entity rests at last in a completely subjective and subjectively truthful journey. In this regard, worship may be seen as motion, motion of a metaphysical kind rather than a physical kind.[1121]

I do not encourage and send us forth on a holiday cruise but on a shakedown voyage on a boat whose seaworthiness is as unproven as are we. We will suffer as we become more real to ourselves. We are after our unique truth, our own mystery and our personal path to the Creator and to worship. My belief system will not suffice for another; another’s will not satisfy me. What we can do for each other is encourage each other in our mutually honest and unremitting search, the committed journey.

This commitment is a living thing. I wonder if any of us, at the beginning of a large promise, realize the extent of the vows we have made. In 1991, our meditation group at L/L Research was asking about the issue of commitment. Those of Q’uo replied:

We ask each of you in all earnestness when each of you first said, “I commit myself to a life of service in this particular way,” was there some special, permanent, unusual commitment, a commitment that took you from your humanity and made you into some entity with no capacity to do anything but keep that commitment? We ask you to look at this question very carefully. Can you not see, my friends, the absolute dedication of yourselves at that moment to the task of a lifetime, but the absolute ignorance in that moment of dedication of what sacrifices would have to be made to create a common path of service?[1122]

Times of sacrifice, confusion and disaster can befall us as we attempt deeply to dedicate ourselves to serve the light. Some challenges can discourage us, and some stop us cold. Each time we feel our legs go out from under us in terms of knowing what we are doing, we enter into a desert of doubt. And yet, we remain still called, still full of the desire to serve the people and the planet of Earth. At this moment, I personally call all of us out of all deserts, to recommit ourselves to the great and single task of loving Earth, of breathing in, breathing out, and finding ways to live in peace and gentleness upon the mantle of our Mother Earth, of meeting each moment with a heart flowing with the Creator’s unconditional, infinite love.

Our quest is set against a backdrop of incongruities. We are awkward beings here, we for whom this book has been gathered and written. As author, I have been writing to two awakened groups of people who seem to be the same to me in their energy and problems, their spirit and their gifts: the wanderers and walk-ins from higher densities who have wandered back into this third density in order to help lighten the planet, and the mature Earth natives who as spiritual beings are eager and ready to move on to higher densities, and remain at this time in third density only to join in the work of lightening the planetary vibration. Together, we make what Dana Redfield calls a kind of fifth column:

The soul is an alien in the world, without name or number. A conspiracy is afoot, souls gathering in the wings of tomorrow, meeting in the invisible college, snatched up by UFOs, returned to form a fifth column, the trunk of a new tree rising up in the center of the world, the cosmic serpent uncoiling, a story in the secret book of life.[1123]

Our wanderer’s mindset tends to be alienated whether we are Earth natives or ETs, and this very awkwardness and athwartness is our great gift to the world. We are much harder to hypnotize. As we awaken to our spiritual identities as citizens of eternity, we begin to pull away from the details of the tangle of anger and territory, power and influence that reigns in the nations of Earth, and we begin to see into the energies of chaos and darkness behind each firing gun, each prison cell stopped against an innocent, each child starving because of policy. We begin to see that there is indeed a dragon of negativity. It is lashing its tail here in Earth’s third density, and sometimes the energy of negativity is so intense, it is easy to believe that the dark is winning. Then we must stop, upon our weary journey, and rest.

As the seeker gazes down at the dusty road, at the dust that lies upon his feet and covers his sandals, he may well doubt that road and doubt the security and the promise of the journey of seeking. The staff which is intended to aid may become heavy and even those few belongings which the seeker has to carry with him begin to seem a great burden. And so the seeker sometimes removes himself from the dusty path which seems to go on forever. The seeker moves into a beautiful valley, well-watered and forested with pastures where spring the small animals and where the sweet flowers bloom. It is good for the seeker to rest in such a beautiful meadow and smell the beautiful scent of flower and bush and to rest beneath the nurturing and sturdy trunk of one of your trees. Because, you see, my friends, to go upon the journey is to become terribly vulnerable, it is to risk all for no obvious reward, for as you seek, so you shall be sought. As you polarize more and more towards the light, so your dedication to that light shall be challenged. The toll the journey takes upon the seeker is never the same from one seeker to another. And when the burden becomes too heavy, it is good that the individual seeker choose his own pasture and measure his own time of recovery.[1124]

As I call us to send ourselves into the world’s ripe harvest of souls with only our silent beingness in love for the work, I would sound the request for our most tender regard for our own energies and our determination to pace and relax into this long work. Soapboxes and words solve nothing. All people will awaken according to their own timing: it does not help to proselytize. We will not always be able to maintain a steady attitude, for life will at times bring most of us to our knees. We are so fond of functioning, our instinct is to spring to our feet. But we may stagger in dark alleys for awhile if we demand of ourselves that we move ahead regardless. Let us rather feel, at such times, that we are worth the upkeep as we rest awhile from pursuing our quest of service and love. Let us nourish ourselves, and give ourselves rest when we need time for our own healing. We need not aspire to be saintly when we feel beastly. That would do us little good. Being exactly ourselves is who we came to be. This is helpful to remember in times of trial.

I do not know that there will be physical trial as part of the birth of fourth density on planet Earth. I hope not. However, I am aware of the number of predictions, from sources ancient and new, that global catastrophe awaits us in the early days of this new millennium. And I do not duck them, if they come. I only hope that, until I pass from this Earth, I may be of service. Those of Q’uo say:

We ask you to look at these days not with trepidation and not with fear, but with enormous compassion. There will be, regardless of future events, great grieving and suffering among all peoples. We do not know what will occur in the future. It is always in the hands of free entities to choose the destiny of a people. Some of these free entities are imprisoned within their minds by concepts neither positive nor negative. This is a great confusion upon the mundane level. We ask you to move beyond it, and to be a portion of the ceaseless cry of prayer and supplication that rises so beautifully, so deeply, so richly at this time from your planetary surface, rises to the infinite One in glory and beauty. Know that your prayers are heard. Know that you are not forgotten.[1125]

The messengers of the Confederation of Planets love to sound the call to meditation and prayer. It is a summoning to silence, and in my opinion, this simple invitation to silence is one of the central resources I have gleaned from this large archive of information that we have collected and tried to put into use in our life at L/L Research.

It is extremely easy to get caught up in the negative emotion of the world, at many levels. There is much negative energy around, in crimes and police actions, in court and in alley, in the many choices of people to separate themselves from each other by judgment, selfish manipulation and anger. In such a polarized outer world, it is seductive to enter into the combative thinking of the forces of light being pitted against the forces of darkness. I think many of us in the UFO field, experiencers, abductees, even researchers, are being activated. I know that each of us who awakens is being activated. But to what? In what way? Some of us have felt we were activated to this great fight between the light and the dark. However, to my mind, this is a distraction for all awakened beings. We know the dragon of magnetic attraction and control will thrash its tail and perish in the course of evolution, in mid-sixth density. We know that in forgiving evil is our healing, not in combating it, in any density. Even if we wish to fight evil by standing with innocent victims, we need to know we are not combating anything, but witnessing to the light in joy. I feel strongly that the proper use of our dark side, that half of our universal self which is negative, once it has been known and mastered to a degree, has to do with implementing the full surrender of our wills to the will of the infinite Creator. We did not come to fight the dark, but support the light.

How to support the light? Certainly we must take thought upon that. In the Ra’s first contact with our group in 1981, their first question to us was whether we had taken thought this day, and if so, what thoughts had we taken that day? It is a key question, in terms of the spiritual journey, for if we pay attention to our thoughts, we have much material with which to work in starting a powerfully effectual spiritual acceleration in the rate of our transformation and evolution of mind, emotion and soul. We can work in so many ways to forward our hope in and passion for a more loving world! But beyond this level of work lies a place within our hearts where, when we arrive there, we realize that our first priority is the discipline of utter surrender to spirit, guidance or deity, however we choose to frame this force:

As any approaches a personal or service-oriented cusp of decision, it is well to know that one has the requisite passion to accomplish what shall be and the courage to see it through. But then one may step back and ask the self to pause so that the spirit may go into the inner room and take all adornments off, all the things of the world, all the trappings of circumstance, all of the aura of success renown, of reputation and of desire itself. Lay it to one side and become of a quiet mind and a quiet heart, and say, “Here am I, what would you have me do? What is that highest and best that I may achieve and remain a stable person? What would you have me do?” A few moments spent in this tabernacle, asking this simple query, aid one enormously in fitting into the regalia of life’s circumstances, girded within with a promise to do that which has been desired in the highest way. One may then don the garments of reputation and success and be unswayed and unimpressed by the patter and the tap dancing that all of us are capable of achieving in one way or another.[1126]

“What would you have me do?” It is the question asked in the Bible by Jesus when he was hoping not to go to Jerusalem and lose his life. It was the response of Samuel when he finally realized his deity was calling him, and not his teacher, Eli. “Speak, Lord,” he said, “for your servant listeth.”[1127] Changed slightly, to “What would you have me say,” it is the question with which most channels approach contact with higher sources. Brother Philip, a member of an elder race of Earth that has remained in its inner planes in order to help lighten Earth even though its members have achieved fourth-density graduation, said in 1956, through George Hunt Williamson:

Give support, in any way that is necessary, to your own channels. And know also that ye are channels. Do not depend upon them alone, for in that day which now approaches, the day of the great telling, it is necessary that you are all channels, in one way or another. And this is not by accident. You have chosen yourselves for this particular mission at this particular time.[1128]

This is a quote from a beautiful channeling, allegedly from a member of the Elder Race, one of the first that I ever heard, one that Don Elkins had brought to him from Detroit by Harold Price in 1961. It inspires me now as it did then, and that very inspiration leads me to talk a moment about this whole mythology, this mission, this day of the great telling, this whole system of thoughts I have talked and shared quotations about. For I know that on one level, this is mythology. I am fond of mythology. I have created the personal myth of my life. I have worshiped as a Christian, partaking in that mythological system with gusto and gratitude. And I have investigated, appreciated and followed in many ways the ethics of the UFO wanderer mythology. I have followed my heart, and it has unerringly led me here. I am passionate about this mission, about all of us telling our stories, about all of us making a critical difference for the lightening of planet Earth.

And yet I am totally aware that all this area of inquiry is engulfed in far more mystery than sense. Spiritual discovery is discovery of the further nature of continuing mystery. For me there have been so many hundreds of realizations, small and large, so many times of connection, and yet I remain an ignoramus in the sense of being able to create a rational and airtight defense of my structure of faith and purpose. Am I really from another planet, as I seem to remember? Does it matter? Are the Confederation entities by whom I set such store as teachers entirely as they say they are? Does it matter? Once, I remember, I asked them if they could be termed angels. They replied in the affirmative. That confused things further, I thought. Is there an ascension or liftoff, or some other end-time whirligig that will spirit some away? Will there be a remnant that shall remain? If so, whose? Does it matter? In honesty, I am not sure that it does matter. The numinal is just that. I think we move up and down vast numbers of layers and masks of meaning and disinformation, in equal parts as we seek. We cannot make this metaphysical material behave like part of the physical universe. The spirit and its concerns are not linear.

My general feeling, which I have come to over a forty year period, is that although we cannot prove any of this to others, we can safely come to trust for ourselves that these structures of principle, ideal, ethic and beauty exist, these voices from wider points of view exist and this mission to love Earth into new birth exists, but we must further our ministry by using our faith, our heart and our essence alone. The mission which we all have in common, the big one, is the ministry of being most deeply ourselves, and allowing our hearts to function naturally within the energy system of the bodies as light transducers, blessing light and sending it out into the world with a happy heart. The goal remains, despite all confusion, to keep the heart open and let the love flow through and nourish us all as creatures of light:

Approach the moment with the resonance of eternity within your consciousness so that the mundane and grimy world can not touch the light being that you are, nor can it touch your ability to act as a channel for love and light.[1129]

How I long for that resonance of eternity and search for it when it is missing! If a new bloom or the sweet purr of my cat does not return me to the remembrance of love, then I must turn to those disciplines I have set about my life to increase my faith, those we have talked about in this handbook. They all have their uses at different times, but they all stem from one prior choice: the choice to have and practice a simple and foolish faith. Those of Hatonn say:

Oh, to have the faith that you to whom we speak now have! What a blessing you have, for to you all that is essential is shrouded in mystery. Only through faith do you understand that you are a spiritual being. Only through faith do you seek the truth and only through faith can you come alive and burn with an unquenchable flame. It is within your will and your power. It is not within ours. We refine. But you, my friends, you are mining. You are mining for your own precious heart. We wish you the right use of intellect, will and faith as you search and dig and search again, for the heart that lies beautiful and secret within you in the midst of this disheveled world which is third density.[1130]

In the Christian mythology, it is said that the fields lie white with the harvest, as though we were all cotton ready to be plucked from the bolls. Harvest is also nigh in many other mythologies, however those end times are shaped by the structure of the various myths. Something is up. From deep within all cultures comes the feeling that the winds of change are sweeping, accelerating, moving things along to a new Heaven and a new Earth. We have one anchor: our metaphysical identities. If we know who we are, at the very heart of our being, what we stand for, what we live for, what we would die for, we are those who can face the physical death with as much equanimity as flesh generally attains. However we frame that knowledge, I feel it safe to say that we can all agree that we are creatures of divine love or unity with deity. We are part of the force that creates and destroys all things including time and space. I choose to call that force, that Logos, love. And I feel that as is our nature, so need to be our thoughts and actions those of love. As Brother Philip says:

In your own work, feel the affinity that your own heart might have with all your brothers and sisters throughout all space. I speak now of a love that is not physical, although on this planet, love is always relegated to a physical expression or experience. I speak of a love that is not even essentially mental, or a love of brotherhood which transcends female-male love. I speak even of a love that goes beyond the love of Christ. We are all one, beloved ones. And to love others is only to love yourself. When you meet men and women in your daily activities, each and every one, no matter what type they may be, look at them as part of the Father. Try to love each other with a love that is beyond that which is comprehended upon the Earth. The voice that calls out from all space, and all inhabited planets, is a voice of love. If man on Earth could only see, and could only hear! But what is more, if he could only understand. Love one another, beloved ones, for this alone is enough. Prepare yourselves now for that time which is so close, so close that you could reach out and touch it. For, beloved ones, the kingdom is not at hand. The kingdom is here.[1131]

The kingdom of heaven, the fourth-density experience, is here! It is within us, in the open and flowing heart. The time to serve is now! And I send each reader forth just as Don Elkins sent me forth on a voyage of self-discovery, learning and service so many years ago. We can do this. We can tell our stories to each other. We can love ourselves, and we can love each other. We can call ourselves to remembrance of who we are when we find ourselves wandering far from precincts of truth and light. We can breathe deeply and enjoy the companions or the quiet solitude that we dance within for this sacred moment. We can look for ways to be kind, to encourage, to do small acts of kindness that will never be found out. We can find ways to humble our pride and encourage our better sides. But most of all, we can love. And so I send us all forth as light workers, brothers and sisters of the open heart, children and messengers of love. The world is hungry for this gift! Let us burn with the love of giving! And let us bring each other home.

The sun is halfway down the afternoon sky as I type this last paragraph of the handbook. We at L/L Research promise to be here, so long as we are physically able, and to respond to all correspondence we receive. We wish to honor, support and encourage all awakened beings of Earth who pass our way. Please join us and many other light workers around the globe who are walking a watchtower of love. Let us all be harvesters of Earth through its sacred birthing from old to new.

Carla Lisbeth Rueckert

August 28, 2000

The Magic Kingdom

Glossary

Alchemy: generally, the ways of transformative power; specifically, the medieval science of attempting to transform base metals into gold; also, finding the universal cure for disease and prolonging life thereby.

Apple: from George Hunt Williamson’s book, The Saucers Speak (London, Neville Spearman, 1963), a term used interchangeably with “wanderer,” indicating those souls from higher densities who choose to be born into the Earth plane to help in the evolution of its population but who go through the same forgetting process as all Earth natives do upon birth.

Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow: from the Law Of One books, another term for the Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator. These entities are all fourth density or higher and further their own growth by serving those of third density who call for their aid.

Catalyst: something that without itself being changed is a trigger for our ability to grow; a neutral instigator of events and processes in our life pattern. These processes are then interpreted by each individual involved according to personal idiosyncrasies, each person seeing something a little differently. The opportunity is to work with catalyst until it can be processed internally in such a manner that increased awareness, or “experience,” is gained.

Chakras: the Ra group used the term, “energy centers,” interchangeably with the Hindu and Buddhist term, “chakras.” The term “rays” was used to represent the seven locations from the base of the spine to the crown of the head. In the chakras are stored seven kinds of spiritual energy that correspond to centers within our energetic bodies and the various kinds of lessons or energy expenditures that we undertake during our lives.

Channeling: the process of a person speaking the words of a discarnate entity who uses the person as a medium, instrument, vessel or channel.

Confederation of Planets in the Service of the Infinite Creator, or simply Confederation: see Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow above.

Densities: the basic levels or dimensions of creation formed of light, with each succeeding density being more “densely packed” with light. There are seven in number in each octave of creation, with the eighth density of the present creation equaling the first density of the next cycle of evolution of the Creator.

Discipline of the personality: the metaphysical practice of balancing distortions within one’s energy centers with the goal of being able to respond with total compassion to all catalyst that comes before one’s notice and being unswayed by any other emotion.

Distortion: a characteristic which varies from the Logos or one infinite Creator in its pure form. Everything is a distortion, then, from free will and light on down through all manifested forms and universes. Within our personality structure, we are said to choose certain distortions at the pre-incarnative or soul level for the purpose of working on balancing our essential or soul nature during the current incarnation. Distortion is not a pejorative term, as all things are distortions of the Creator. The general idea is to lessen the degree of that distortion, by learning to vibrate more and more as the Logos.

Evolution: the movement of consciousness from one density of light into the next higher density of light. The movement through each succeeding density of light will require that we be able to use the light in more and more refined ways of learning and serving. Evolution begins in first density with the elements, continues in second density with the evolution of body complexes, moves on in second density to the development of mind/body complexes. In the third density occurs the development of mind/body/spirit complexes, according to the Ra group. Evolution from this point forward is of the body/mind/spirit complex.

Graduation: the movement of entities from one density of light to the next higher density of light according to their ability to use the increased frequency of light for learning and service.

Harvest: the time when graduation from one density to another is appropriate. Our Earth’s third density is in such a harvest season now.

Initiation: the rites, ceremonies, ordeals or instructions with which one is made a member of a sect, society, etc. In metaphysical terms, the undertaking of a certain level of lessons that require great effort and dedication and, if successfully completed, will result in a new level of awareness for the seeker. When going through this, the seeker often experiences what has been called The Dark Night Of the Soul. When this occurs, the effort and dedication are best pointed towards living in faith.

Karma: the concept that one’s present acts fix one’s future challenges and experiences; destiny or fate. The balancing of karma generally involves forgiveness.

Metaphysics: a philosophical means of looking at the nature of the self and the world about the self. In this handbook, metaphysical is used to describe the non-physical world, the world of thoughts, ideals, emotions and spirit. The physical world is seen as the space/time universe which is ruled by Euclidean geometry. The metaphysical world is seen as the time/space universe where infinity and eternity hold sway.

Polarizing: enhancing, exaggerating, increasing, strengthening. In the process of spiritual evolution from third density to fourth it is said that we must polarize either towards the positive or negative principles of service to others or service to self in order to become eligible for graduation in this our third-density harvest. In order to be harvested as a positive graduate, a service-to-others polarization of 51% of one’s actions intended to serve others is required, according to the Ra group. For graduation as a negative spirit, a service-to-self polarization where 95% of one’s actions are intended to serve the self is required.

Pre-incarnative choices: distortions or biases in our personality that we choose for ourselves before each incarnation so that we will have the opportunity to use them in the lessons of learning and service within each lifetime. Our larger goal is the gradual refining and balancing of our energy centers and soul selves through our many lifetimes of work.

Psychic greeting or psychic attack: the situation where a person attracts the attention of a negatively oriented discarnate entity by the strength and purity of his/her seeking for truth. To stand close to light requires the seeker to reflect that light purely. Any choice away from the level of expressing the light that the seeker is capable of will provide an opening through which the negative entity can enhance or intensify that disharmonious choice. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual distress may be experienced as a result. The recommended response is to discover and accept the distortion within the dark side of the self which has provided the chink which allowed the greeting, and gently place it back within the dark side whence it came, then heal the disharmonious choice by forgiving the self for the chink and the sender for offering the opportunity for suffering and fear. No attack or greeting is possible without the disharmonious choice first by the seeker, and our humanity defines us as those with imperfections or distortions. We are all open to psychic greeting when we presume to seek the light of truth. I stopped using the term “attack” and began using the term “greeting” some twenty years ago, to take the fear element out of the situation since it is fear that the negative entity counts as a great ally in the greeting effort.

Service to others: the path of radiation and openhearted giving. The positive polarity where the seeker attempts to see and serve the Creator in all. The intention to serve others in at least 51% of one’s efforts will qualify the seeker for graduation into fourth density light. The path of that which is: unity.

Service to self: the path of magnetism and control. The negative polarity where the seeker attempts to cause others to serve the Creator in the self. The intention to control others to serve the self must be present in at least 95% of the seeker’s efforts for graduation into the fourth density light in the negative sense. The path of that which is not: separation.

Social memory complex: term first used by the Ra to denote a group consciousness where the thoughts of all are open to everyone. The spiritual seeking also is harmonized and the power to learn and to serve others is enhanced by the open sharing of thoughts between all members of the grouping. Imagine Jung’s concept of the collective unconscious of humanity becoming a conscious reality so that everyone on Earth knew the mind and experiences of everyone else.

Space/time: our current, visible, physical reality. Also known as the illusion in which we live and move and have our incarnative being. The area in which our learning and balancing occur.

Time/space: our invisible, metaphysical reality such as we inhabit when we dream, meditate or experience any form of altered state of consciousness.

Veil of forgetting: a cover or cloak which hides the subconscious roots of mind from the conscious mind in order that the process of evolution through third density might be made more efficient. Memories of previous incarnations are also hidden from the conscious mind so that the focus of the present incarnation might be undiluted. The rationale is that the basic lessons of third density involve living by faith, and faith only comes into sway when nothing is known.

Vital energy: the combined energy of the mind, the body and the spirit. Also known as élan vital and spiritual energy.

Walk-in: an entity from fourth density or higher who makes an agreement with a third-density inhabitant to enter the inhabitant’s physical body and take responsibility for the remainder of the third-density incarnation while the former third-density entity rests in the astral level appropriate to its level of consciousness of the light. The walk-in also has an agenda of its own, in addition to fulfilling the original person’s lifetime plan.

Wanderer: an entity from fourth density or higher who moves about the universe according to the need to answer mental and prayerful calls for service from those of third density, in the case of our Earth. Wanderers can be called to service by any density, but when they answer a call from third density they must also go through the veil of forgetting so that their service must be rediscovered during the incarnation in order not to infringe upon the free will of the third-density Earth population. Once this occurs, wanderers are Earth natives and must fulfill all the requirements of third-density harvest in order to graduate from this density.

Books Offered By L/L Research

The Law Of One, Book One (originally titled The Ra Material), Book Two, Book Three, Book Four and Book Five:

Verbatim transcripts of contact with an apparently extraterrestrial race of beings known as “Ra.” The over 100 recorded sessions in these five books present a metaphysical blueprint which describes our process of evolution in mind, body and spirit. [Book One: ISBN 0-945007-01-9, Book Two: ISBN 0-945007-02-7, Book Three: ISBN 0-945007-03-5, Book Four: ISBN 0-945007-04-3, Book Five: ISBN 0-924608-21-8].

Secrets Of The UFO, Don Elkins with Carla L. Rueckert

Summary of 25 years of study and research that preceded the Ra contact. The progression from physical sightings to metaphysical implications is traced. Serves as an introduction to the Law Of One. [ISBN 0-945007-00-0]

The Crucifixion Of Esmerelda Sweetwater, Don Elkins and Carla L. Rueckert

A metaphysical novel written in 1968. It illustrates the positive and negative paths of the Law of One and seems to have been somewhat prophetic. [ISBN 0-945007-06-X]

A Channeling Handbook, Carla L. Rueckert

For those who serve as channels. Topics include: What is channeling? Why channel? Psychic greetings/attacks. Temptation. The ethics of channeling. Channeling and Christianity. [ISBN 0-945007-07-8]

What Is Love

A coloring book for kids. Thirty illustrations developed from a 1976 channeling. The story of a small boy’s search for the meaning of love. [ISBN 0-945007-05-1]

We welcome your stories of awakening, your opinions and questions. All stories will be kept confidential. Permission will be asked before using them in any further works. We are happy to answer all inquiries. Our website is www.llresearch.org, and our e-mail addresses is contact@llresearch.org.

Notes

[←1]

Elkins, Donald T., with Carla L. Rueckert, Secrets Of The UFO, Louisville, KY, L/L Research, [c1977].

[←2]

McCarty, Jim and Carla L. Rueckert, The Law Of One, Book V: The Personal Material, Atglen, PA, Schiffer Publications, [c1998], p. 27.

[←3]

Law Of One, Book I, also titled The Ra Material, Atglen, PA, Schiffer Publications, [c1984], p. 127

[←4]

Q’uo, from an unpublished transcript of an L/L Research meditation dated April 13, 1997, pp. 3-4.

[←5]

idem, transcript dated May 22, 1994, p. 1-2.

[←6]

idem, transcript dated October 22, 1989, pp. 6-7.

[←7]

The Holy Bible, King James Version, Exodus 2:22.

[←8]

082, letter dated September 28, 1998.

[←9]

Joseph Ciba, letter dated September 22, 1998.

[←10]

Friend, A., letter dated August 9, 1998.

[←11]

Mary, letter dated May 14, 1997.

[←12]

093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[←13]

Mandelker, Scott, From Elsewhere: Being E.T. In America. New York, NY: Birch Lane Press, [c1995].

[←14]

Mandelker,Scott, Universal Vision: Soul Evolution And The Cosmic Plan. Blue Hill, ME: Medicine Bear Publishing, [c2000].

[←15]

ibid., pp. 283-285.

[←16]

John J. Falone, letter dated August 15, 1999.

[←17]

Latwii, transcript dated May 29, 1983, p. 12.

[←18]

093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[←19]

131, letter dated October 11, 1997.

[←20]

A Stephen Spielberg movie about UFO experiences.

[←21]

CB, letter dated November 1, 1999.

[←22]

484, letter dated October 29, 1996.

[←23]

149, letter dated July 18, 1999.

[←24]

021, letter dated November 1, 1987.

[←25]

Baysal Atalay, letter dated October 6, 1997.

[←26]

Orann, letter dated July 13, 1998.

[←27]

277, letter dated January 16, 1997.

[←28]

Kent R. Meyer, letter dated October 6, 1998.

[←29]

149, letter dated July 18, 1999.

[←30]

Michael Estes, letter dated October 23, 1998.

[←31]

Elkins, Donald T., Carla L. Rueckert and Jim McCarty, The Law Of One, Book III, Atglen, PA, Schiffer Publications, [c1982], p. 18.

[←32]

ibid., p. 19.

[←33]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 223-224.

[←34]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 19.

[←35]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 124.

[←36]

Laura Knight-Jadzyk, www.cassiopaea.org, letter dated January 1, 1998.

[←37]

162, letter dated November 9, 1998.

[←38]

191, letter dated October 29, 1998.

[←39]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 18, 1994, p. 7.

[←40]

Beverly Creamer, letter dated October 1, 1994.

[←41]

Astria, letter dated August 19, 1999.

[←42]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 15, 1998, p. 4.

[←43]

CristeL Rose, letter dated July 27, 1994.

[←44]

Kevin Sutton, letter dated October 21, 1996.

[←45]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 24, 1998, p. 7.

[←46]

093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[←47]

235, letter dated September 28, 1999.

[←48]

Ed Wiegel, letter dated November 27, 1996.

[←49]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 15, 1998, p. 5.

[←50]

Hatonn, transcript dated August 2, 1979, p. 5.

[←51]

Barbara, letter dated November 9, 1996.

[←52]

Frances, letter dated November 20, 1996.

[←53]

Gypsee, letter dated October 10, 1997.

[←54]

Bjorn from Copenhagen, Denmark, letter dated March 5, 1999.

[←55]

Brisis, letter dated February 13, 1998.

[←56]

Silver Sullivan, letter dated August 20, 1998.

[←57]

Zub, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←58]

Mary, letter dated May 5, 1997.

[←59]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 6.

[←60]

Norma Talvik, letter dated August 11, 1998.

[←61]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 7.

[←62]

Lyara, letter dated January 29, 1998.

[←63]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 14, 1992, p. 3.

[←64]

Catt Foy, cattfoy@mcleodusa.net, letter dated August 18, 1997.

[←65]

Mira Ellison, letter dated May 31, 1999.

[←66]

Norma Talvik, letter dated June 12, 1998.

[←67]

Catt Foy, cattfoy@mcleodusa.net, letter dated August 18, 1997.

[←68]

Martin Leduc, martinleduc@videotron.ca, letter dated May 21, 1997.

[←69]

Lance, letter dated November 8, 1999.

[←70]

292, letter dated December 29, 1996.

[←71]

264, letter dated October 21, 1996.

[←72]

001, letter dated July 15, 1997.

[←73]

093, letter dated April 16, 1997.

[←74]

Thomas Wright, letter dated July 21, 1994.

[←75]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 22, 1994, p. 2.

[←76]

Latwii, transcript dated March 16, 1986, p. 5.

[←77]

Norma Talvik, letter dated August 11, 1998.

[←78]

046, letter dated May 6, 1997.

[←79]

Charlie 036, letter dated October 6, 1997.

[←80]

254, letter dated 26 February, 1997.

[←81]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 2, 1998, p. 3.

[←82]

idem, transcript dated September 22, 1991, p. 5-6.

[←83]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 28, 1996, p. 6.

[←84]

idem, transcript dated October 20, 1994, p. 3.

[←85]

Mary, letter dated January 20, 1998.

[←86]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 30, 1993, p. 7.

[←87]

idem, transcript dated October 6, 1996, pp. 2-3.

[←88]

idem, transcript dated June 14, 1992, pp. 2-3.

[←89]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 127-128.

[←90]

Laura Knight-Jadczyk, letter dated January 5, 1998.

[←91]

155, letter dated August 20, 1998.

[←92]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 25, 1999.

[←93]

ibid., letter dated January 22, 1999.

[←94]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 124.

[←95]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 3, 1994, p. 3.

[←96]

idem, transcript dated September 23, 1990, p. 9.

[←97]

CJ, letter dated July 27, 1994.

[←98]

Jim McCarty, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←99]

Law Of One, Book V, p. 138.

[←100]

173, letter dated April 29, 1999.

[←101]

Sue Nuhn, letter dated April 28, 1998.

[←102]

Brisis, letter dated April 22, 1999.

[←103]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 7, 1999.

[←104]

Hatonn, transcript dated July 15, 1984, pp. 7-8.

[←105]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 15, 1996, p. 2.

[←106]

idem, transcript dated March 28, 1993, pp. 7-8.

[←107]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 19, 1997, p. 2.

[←108]

132, letter dated October 28, 1998.

[←109]

285, letter dated August 27, 1996.

[←110]

Laura Knight-Jadczyk, letter dated July 23, 1998.

[←111]

Mary, letter dated May 6, 1997.

[←112]

ibid.

[←113]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 30, 1997, p. 1.

[←114]

Gypsee, letter dated October 14, 1997.

[←115]

Charlie 036, letter dated July 31, 1999.

[←116]

109, letter dated May 13, 1997.

[←117]

Don Cushing, letter dated August 7, 1994.

[←118]

Moria, letter dated February 6, 1997.

[←119]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated January 28, 1999.

[←120]

245, letter dated October 7, 1999.

[←121]

Mira Ellison, letter dated June 11, 1999.

[←122]

Jim McCarty, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←123]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 22, 1989, p. 1.

[←124]

202, letter dated March 6, 1999.

[←125]

Charlie 036, letter dated July 31, 1999.

[←126]

245, letter dated October 7, 1999.

[←127]

149, letter dated July 20, 1999.

[←128]

Gypsee, letter dated October 6, 1997.

[←129]

Otto, letter dated April 25, 1999.

[←130]

Linda Klecha, letter dated August 21, 1998.

[←131]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 25, 1999.

[←132]

Elle, letter dated April 22, 1999.

[←133]

Pupak Haghighi, letter dated June 12, 1998.

[←134]

Mike Korinko, letter dated February 21, 1995.

[←135]

Marc Morgan, letter dated September 7, 1999.

[←136]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 16, 1992, p. 6.

[←137]

idem, transcript dated June 14, 1992, p. 3.

[←138]

idem, transcript dated October 14, 1992, p. 6.

[←139]

idem, transcript dated October 22, 1989, p. 8.

[←140]

131, letter dated February 14, 1998.

[←141]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 1, 1998, p. 4.

[←142]

idem, October 16, 1994, pp. 1-2.

[←143]

idem, transcript dated March 25, 1990, p. 8.

[←144]

Latwii, transcript dated February 20, 1983, p. 7.

[←145]

Gypsee, letter dated October 6, 1997.

[←146]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 3, 1996, p. 1.

[←147]

Pupak Haghighi, letter dated June 28, 1998.

[←148]

Mike Korinko, letter dated August 20, 1993.

[←149]

Latwii, transcript dated May 16, 1982, p. 13.

[←150]

Charlie 036, letter dated July 31, 1999.

[←151]

Latwii, transcript dated May 19, 1985, pp. 2-3.

[←152]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 11, 1998, p. 3.

[←153]

idem, transcript dated July 16, 1989, p. 7.

[←154]

Jim McCarty, in The Law Of One, Book V, p. 47.

[←155]

ibid., p. 141.

[←156]

Yvonne, letter dated February 21, 1997.

[←157]

Elle, letter dated March 12, 1999.

[←158]

129, letter dated May 19, 1997.

[←159]

Mary, letter dated May 29, 1997.

[←160]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 16, 1997, p. 5.

[←161]

idem, transcript dated April 21, 1995, p. 6.

[←162]

Melissa, from her poem, The Stillness Of Change, from her letter dated June 10, 1999.

[←163]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 22, 1994, p. 3.

[←164]

001, letter dated June 26, 1997.

[←165]

282, letter dated July 24, 1994.

[←166]

202, letter dated March 6, 1999.

[←167]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 7.

[←168]

Terri A., letter dated 27 October 27, 1997.

[←169]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 29, 1994, p. 3.

[←170]

Bleu, letter dated June 25, 1997.

[←171]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 3, 1996, p. 2.

[←172]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 7, 1982, p. 1.

[←173]

282, letter dated July 24, 1994.

[←174]

William D. Klug, from an on-line book of experiences and channeling, www.simi.qnet.com/~bklug/knowing/welcome.htm.

[←175]

Gypsee, letter dated October 10, 1997.

[←176]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 12, 1995, pp. 1-2.

[←177]

169, letter dated September 23, 1997.

[←178]

Marq ii, letter dated October 18, 1999.

[←179]

Otto, letter dated May 1, 1999.

[←180]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 7, 1993, p. 6.

[←181]

idem, transcript dated January 17, 1999, p. 4.

[←182]

Pupak Haghighi, letter dated June 12, 1998.

[←183]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 9, 1999, p. 3.

[←184]

idem, transcript dated March 29, 1987, pp. 6-7.

[←185]

Lynn B., letter dated March 19, 1999.

[←186]

252, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←187]

Gypsee, letter dated October 6, 1997.

[←188]

175, letter dated February 1, 1999.

[←189]

Laura Knight-Jadczyk, letter dated January 5, 1998.

[←190]

Roger, letter dated July 27, 1999.

[←191]

264, letter dated October 21, 1996.

[←192]

Mary 2, letter dated March 27, 1997.

[←193]

A. Friend, letter dated December 10, 1998.

[←194]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 31, 1991, pp. 5-6.

[←195]

Dale Chorley, letter dated February 2, 1999.

[←196]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 27, 1994, p. 2.

[←197]

idem, transcript dated April 30, 1989, p. 2.

[←198]

ibid., p. 9.

[←199]

idem, transcript dated March 23, 1997, p. 7.

[←200]

idem, transcript dated November 17, 1991, p. 4.

[←201]

idem, transcript dated December 22, 1995, p. 8.

[←202]

idem, transcript dated July 15, 1990, p. 9.

[←203]

279, letter dated January 5, 1997.

[←204]

Moria, letter dated February 6, 1997.

[←205]

Pharaoh, letter dated January 13, 1998.

[←206]

Latwii, transcript dated April 20, 1986, p. 4.

[←207]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 30, 1989, pp. 4-5

[←208]

254, letter dated February 26, 1997.

[←209]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 3, 1999, p. 5.

[←210]

idem, transcript dated December 29, 1997, p. 2.

[←211]

Elle, letter dated June 3, 1998.

[←212]

Frank Kliiger, letter dated March 9, 1998.

[←213]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 5, 1986, p. 11.

[←214]

idem, transcript dated December 29, 1997, pp. 1-2

[←215]

Aluna Joy Yaxk’in, letter dated November 1, 1998.

[←216]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 1, 1990, pp. 10-11.

[←217]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 21-22.

[←218]

Elkins, Donald T., Carla L. Rueckert and Jim McCarty, The Law of One, Book II, Atglen, PA, Schiffer Publications, [1982], pp. 118-119.

[←219]

The Spiritual Significance Of UFOs, p1986, 75 minutes, edited and published by L/L Research, Louisville, KY.

[←220]

Lyara, letter dated May 28, 1999.

[←221]

109, letter dated May 13, 1997.

[←222]

Isaac Watts, “O God, Our Help In Ages Past,” paraphrase of Psalm 90, fourth verse.

[←223]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 29, 1997, p. 2.

[←224]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 55-56.

[←225]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 18, 1994, p. 1.

[←226]

Latwii, transcript dated March 25, 1989, p. 22.

[←227]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 167.

[←228]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 11, 1990, pp. 4-5.

[←229]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 51.

[←230]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 156.

[←231]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 109.

[←232]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 92.

[←233]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 133.

[←234]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 105.

[←235]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 91.

[←236]

ibid., pp. 89-90.

[←237]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 14, 1996, p. 5.

[←238]

Romi Borel, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←239]

Marty Upson, letter dated March 31, 1999.

[←240]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 29, 1997, p. 3.

[←241]

Latwii, transcript dated March 25, 1989, p. 4.

[←242]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 120.

[←243]

Hatonn, transcript dated November 11, 1984, p. 21.

[←244]

Law Of One, Book III, p.15.

[←245]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 27, 1994, p. 1.

[←246]

Latwii, transcript dated September 18, 1983, p. 6.

[←247]

Chris, letter dated May 19, 1997.

[←248]

Hatonn, transcript dated April 12, 1981, p. 3.

[←249]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 12, 1992, p. 2.

[←250]

idem, transcript dated November 27, 1994, p. 5.

[←251]

Laitos, transcript dated April 22, 1987, p. 2.

[←252]

Elkins, Donald T., Carla L. Rueckert and Jim McCarty, The Law Of One, Book IV, Atglen, PA, Schiffer Publications, [c1982], p. 200.

[←253]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 1, 1994, p. 2.

[←254]

idem, transcript dated December 13, 1992, p. 6.

[←255]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 177.

[←256]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 15, 1987, p. 3.

[←257]

idem, transcript dated June 21, 1993, pp. 7-8.

[←258]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated August 9, 1998.

[←259]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 2, 1999, p. 5.

[←260]

Russell Louie, letter dated November 4, 1998.

[←261]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 2.

[←262]

idem, transcript dated May 22, 1994, p. 2.

[←263]

Brisis, letter dated April 22, 1999.

[←264]

Bleu, letter dated June 24, 1997.

[←265]

Dana R., letter dated October 24, 1996.

[←266]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 22, 1995, p. 3.

[←267]

idem, transcript dated February 26, 1995, p. 3.

[←268]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 64.

[←269]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 171.

[←270]

ibid., p. 51.

[←271]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 144.

[←272]

ibid.

[←273]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 17, 1991, pp. 7-8.

[←274]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 144-145.

[←275]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 28, 1996, p.4.

[←276]

idem, transcript dated April 28, 1996, pp. 5-6.

[←277]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 145.

[←278]

ibid.

[←279]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 28, 1996, pp. 7-8.

[←280]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 145.

[←281]

ibid.

[←282]

ibid.

[←283]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 77.

[←284]

ibid., p. 6.

[←285]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 77.

[←286]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 31.

[←287]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 53.

[←288]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 114-115.

[←289]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 168-169.

[←290]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 85.

[←291]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 71.

[←292]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 11, 1998, pp. 4-5.

[←293]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 177.

[←294]

ibid., p. 176.

[←295]

After we are born into this life.

[←296]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 102.

[←297]

ibid., pp. 86-87.

[←298]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 176.

[←299]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 84.

[←300]

ibid., p. 85.

[←301]

ibid., p. 73.

[←302]

ibid., p. 88.

[←303]

ibid., p.83. Honestation means adornment.

[←304]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 8-9.

[←305]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 25.

[←306]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 10, 1987, p. 5.

[←307]

268, letter dated November 19, 1996.

[←308]

282, letter dated March 9, 1995.

[←309]

Lance, letter dated November 9, 1999.

[←310]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 193-194.

[←311]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 9, 1999, p. 2.

[←312]

Andrew Laine, letter dated December 2, 1996.

[←313]

131, letter dated November 15, 1997.

[←314]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 188.

[←315]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 2, 1995, p. 7.

[←316]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 76-77.

[←317]

Latwii, transcript dated February 14, 1988, p. 3.

[←318]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 17, 1988, pp. 4-5.

[←319]

H. Lynn Herrmann, letter dated July 9, 1997.

[←320]

Law Of One, Book II, p.51.

[←321]

Fiona Forsythe, letter dated October 4, 1998.

[←322]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 51-52.

[←323]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 15, 1990, pp. 11-12.

[←324]

Oxal, transcript dated September 24, 1989, p. 8.

[←325]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 127.

[←326]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 12, 1989, p. 7.

[←327]

idem, transcript dated November 26, 1989, pp. 7-8.

[←328]

idem, transcript dated April 12, 1992, p. 2.

[←329]

292, letter dated December 29, 1996.

[←330]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 6, 1994, p. 4.

[←331]

idem, transcript dated May 14, 1989, pp. 19-20.

[←332]

idem, transcript dated January 3, 1993, pp. 1-2.

[←333]

idem, transcript dated September 9, 1999, p. 5.

[←334]

idem, transcript dated January 3, 1999, p. 5.

[←335]

idem, transcript dated February 5, 1995, p. 3.

[←336]

idem, transcript dated May 14, 1989, p. 10.

[←337]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 170.

[←338]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 21, 1999, p. 4.

[←339]

idem, transcript dated November 16, 1986, p. 6.

[←340]

idem, transcript dated March 16, 1997, p. 4.

[←341]

idem, transcript dated June 19, 1994, p. 3.

[←342]

idem, transcript dated September 17, 1995, p. 3.

[←343]

idem, transcript dated April 25, 1993, p. 10.

[←344]

idem, transcript dated February 13, 1994, p. 7.

[←345]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 179-180.

[←346]

Kathy Braden, letter dated February 9, 1999.

[←347]

Laitos, transcript dated January 18, 1989, p. 1.

[←348]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 28, 1989, p. 11.

[←349]

idem, transcript dated May 14, 1989, p. 16.

[←350]

Bruce Peret, letter dated March 20, 2000.

[←351]

ibid.

[←352]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 13, 1997, p. 2.

[←353]

Bruce Peret, letter dated March 20, 2000.

[←354]

ibid.

[←355]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 86.

[←356]

ibid.

[←357]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 29, 1995, pp. 1-2.

[←358]

Ed Weigel, letter dated November 27, 1996.

[←359]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 141.

[←360]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 26-27.

[←361]

ibid., p. 13.

[←362]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 107-108.

[←363]

ibid., p. 133.

[←364]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 1, 1994, p. 2.

[←365]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 13-14.

[←366]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 28, 1989, p. 4.

[←367]

idem, transcript dated February 28, 1993, pp. 1-2.

[←368]

Max Zbitnoff, letter dated March 17, 1999.

[←369]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated January 9, 1998.

[←370]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 22, 1994, p. 2.

[←371]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 126.

[←372]

ibid., p. 133.

[←373]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 81.

[←374]

ibid., p. 83.

[←375]

Bruce Peret, letter dated March 20, 2000.

[←376]

Law Of One, Book I, pp. 160-161.

[←377]

ibid., p. 157.

[←378]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 2, 1988, p. 11.

[←379]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 68-69.

[←380]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 8.

[←381]

idem, transcript dated June 18, 1989, p. 10. “Gladness and singleness of heart” is from the Holy Eucharist Services in the Episcopal Book Of Common Prayer.

[←382]

idem, transcript dated June 19, 1994, p. 1.

[←383]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated August 3, 1998.

[←384]

Oxal, transcript dated November 17, 1990, p. 1.

[←385]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 166.

[←386]

ibid., p. 159.

[←387]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 20, 1997, p. 3.

[←388]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 9, 1999.

[←389]

L/Leema, transcript dated June 2, 1985, p. 8.

[←390]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 19, 1995, pp. 3-4.

[←391]

B. Lynn Herrmann, letter dated October 1, 1998.

[←392]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 26, 1997, p. 2.

[←393]

Latwii, transcript dated June 5, 1983, p. 3.

[←394]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 2, 1988, p. 9.

[←395]

Bruce Peret, letter dated April 5, 2000.

[←396]

ibid.

[←397]

ibid.

[←398]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 185.

[←399]

Bruce Peret, letter dated April 5, 2000.

[←400]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 156.

[←401]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 15-16.

[←402]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 25, 1986, pp. 6-7.

[←403]

Peter Stewart, letter dated October 28, 1998.

[←404]

Q’uo, transcript dated June 21, 1987, p. 1.

[←405]

idem, transcript dated December 29, 1997, p. 3.

[←406]

Gebo, letter dated May 25, 1998.

[←407]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 23, 1994, p. 7.

[←408]

idem, transcript dated November 10, 1996, p. 3.

[←409]

Bruce Peret, letter dated April 5, 2000.

[←410]

ibid.

[←411]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 18, 1997, p. 3.

[←412]

Aluna Joy, letter dated June 10, 1999.

[←413]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 24, 1992, p. 3.

[←414]

Bruce Peret, letter dated April 5, 2000.

[←415]

Dale Chorley, letter dated November 25, 1997.

[←416]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 11, 1996, p. 2.

[←417]

idem, transcript dated July 1, 1990, p. 6.

[←418]

Just thought we needed another footnote!

[←419]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 1, 1999.

[←420]

Mike Korinko, letter dated February 21, 1995.

[←421]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 2, 1993, p. 7.

[←422]

idem, transcript dated September 5, 1993, p. 9.

[←423]

Melissa, letter dated March 17, 1999.

[←424]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 15, 1996, p. 5.

[←425]

idem, transcript dated January 17, 1999, p. 3.

[←426]

245, letter dated October 7, 1999.

[←427]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 30, 1989, p. 6.

[←428]

idem, transcript dated September 8, 1996, p. 4.

[←429]

idem, transcript dated July 15, 1990, p. 8.

[←430]

idem, transcript dated November 21, 1999, p. 4.

[←431]

idem, transcript dated April 12, 1989, pp. 6-7.

[←432]

idem, transcript dated August 5, 1990, p. 10.

[←433]

Latwii, transcript dated February 13, 1988, p. 4.

[←434]

Hatonn, transcript dated February 3, 1991, p. 4.

[←435]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 3, 1991, p. 6.

[←436]

idem, transcript dated September 10, 1995, p. 3.

[←437]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated March 7, 1999.

[←438]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 164-165.

[←439]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 15, 1987, pp. 3-4.

[←440]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 172.

[←441]

ibid., pp. 172-173.

[←442]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 21, 1999, p. 4.

[←443]

Karen Eck, letter dated June 11, 1999.

[←444]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 10, 1987, pp. 3-4.

[←445]

idem, transcript dated February 6, 1994, p. 9.

[←446]

idem, transcript dated January 10, 1993, p. 5.

[←447]

idem, transcript dated January 3, 1988, pp. 7-8.

[←448]

Bruce Peret, letter dated April 5, 2000.

[←449]

Hatonn, transcript dated April 1, 1979, p. 5.

[←450]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 14, 1993, pp. 3-4.

[←451]

Bruce Peret, letter dated April 5, 2000.

[←452]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 28, 1996, p. 4.

[←453]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 34.

[←454]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 18, 1996, p. 2.

[←455]

idem, transcript dated May 25, 1986, p. 8.

[←456]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 180-1.

[←457]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 5, 1995, pp. 2-3.

[←458]

Karin Pekarcik, letter dated January 1, 1996.

[←459]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 5, 1992, p. 7.

[←460]

Laitos, transcript dated February 11, 1982, pp. 7-8.

[←461]

Q’uo, transcript dated June 19, 1994, pp. 2-3.

[←462]

Elle, letter dated May 15, 1998.

[←463]

131, letter dated January 2, 1998.

[←464]

Hatonn, transcript dated February 3, 1991, pp. 11-12.

[←465]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 14, 1996, p. 5.

[←466]

Peter Stewart, letter dated November 6, 1998.

[←467]

Mary, letter dated January 25, 1998.

[←468]

Latwii, transcript dated June 23, 1990, pp. 6-7.

[←469]

Dennis A. Watt, letter dated October 10, 1999.

[←470]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 12, 1987, pp. 3-4.

[←471]

Hatonn, transcript dated June 17, 1990, p. 5.

[←472]

Marty Upson, letter dated November 6, 1998.

[←473]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 21, 1999, p. 4.

[←474]

idem, transcript dated July 12, 1987, p. 4.

[←475]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 82-83.

[←476]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 15, 1998, p. 4.

[←477]

Laitos, transcript dated January 18, 1989, p. 5.

[←478]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 221.

[←479]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated January 28, 1999.

[←480]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 27, 1991, p. 7.

[←481]

Romi Borel, letter dated September 28, 1998.

[←482]

173, letter dated April 29, 1998.

[←483]

Latwii, transcript dated May 15, 1993, p. 5.

[←484]

Robert McKenney, letter dated April 13, 1999.

[←485]

Hatonn, transcript dated March 30, 1993, p. 4.

[←486]

William D. Klug, from an on-line book of experiences and channeling, www.simi.qnet.com/~bklug/knowing/welcome.htm.

[←487]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 16, 1999.

[←488]

Hatonn, transcript dated March 30, 1993, p. 6.

[←489]

idem, transcript dated June 27, 1980, p. 3.

[←490]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 23, 1999, p. 3.

[←491]

idem, transcript dated November 7, 1999, p. 2.

[←492]

idem, transcript dated May 14, 1995, p. 2.

[←493]

idem, transcript dated November 4, 1990, p. 8.

[←494]

idem, transcript dated October 6, 1996, p. 4.

[←495]

idem, transcript dated December 15, 1996, p. 2.

[←496]

Hatonn, transcript dated October 9, 1980, p. 1.

[←497]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 12, 1996, p. 3.

[←498]

Mike Korinko, letter dated December 3, 1994.

[←499]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 22, 1992, p. 5.

[←500]

idem, transcript dated June 6, 1993, pp. 3-4.

[←501]

idem, transcript dated July 12, 1991, p. 8.

[←502]

idem, transcript dated March 23, 1997, p. 6.

[←503]

idem, transcript dated November 15, 1992, p. 5.

[←504]

idem, transcript dated July 4, 1992, p. 3.

[←505]

idem, transcript dated April 10, 1994, p. 3.

[←506]

idem, transcript dated September 18, 1994, p. 8.

[←507]

Oxal, transcript dated May 29, 1993, pp. 10-11.

[←508]

Jonathan Boyne, letter dated June 11, 1999.

[←509]

Romi Borel, letter dated November 30, 1998.

[←510]

214, letter dated September 8, 1999.

[←511]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 16, 1990, pp. 17-18.

[←512]

idem, transcript dated April 26, 1992, p. 6.

[←513]

idem, transcript dated May 13, 1990, pp. 17-18.

[←514]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 28, 1993, p. 3.

[←515]

ibid. pp. 4-5.

[←516]

idem, transcript dated November 1, 1992, pp. 2-3.

[←517]

ibid., pp. 3-4.

[←518]

Latwii, transcript dated October 3, 1982, p. 20.

[←519]

Q’uo, transcript dated June 2, 1991, p. 5.

[←520]

idem, transcript dated October 14, 1992, p. 6.

[←521]

idem, transcript dated September 6, 1992, pp. 2-3.

[←522]

Latwii, transcript dated August 10, 1986, p. 13.

[←523]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 24, 1995, pp. 2-3.

[←524]

Ken Keyes, Jr., Handbook To Higher Consciousness, Fifth edition, St. Mary, KY, Cornucopia Institute, [c1975].

[←525]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 4, 1998, p. 4.

[←526]

Latwii, transcript dated January 2, 1983, p. 2.

[←527]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 112.

[←528]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 3, 1999, p. 7.

[←529]

idem, transcript dated March 3, 1994, pp. 3-4.

[←530]

idem, transcript dated September 5, 1993, pp. 4-5.

[←531]

idem, transcript dated September 24, 1995, p. 3.

[←532]

idem, transcript dated May 24, 1992, p. 5.

[←533]

Lyara, letter dated April 8, 1999.

[←534]

Hatonn, transcript dated March 30, 1993, pp. 10-11.

[←535]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 4, 1998, pp. 3-4.

[←536]

idem, transcript dated October 3, 1999, p. 5.

[←537]

Russell Louie, letter dated November 26, 1998.

[←538]

Bleu, letter dated June 25, 1997.

[←539]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 2, 1994, pp. 1-2.

[←540]

idem, transcript dated February 13, 1994, p. 4.

[←541]

idem, transcript dated May 25, 1997, p. 3.

[←542]

idem, transcript dated March 24, 1996, p. 1.

[←543]

idem, transcript dated May 3, 1987, p. 3.

[←544]

idem transcript dated February 22, 1991, p. 2.

[←545]

Hatonn, transcript dated July 15, 1987, pp. 10-11.

[←546]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 8, 1992, p. 5.

[←547]

Allen W. Lefurgey, letter dated July 16, 1994.

[←548]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 25, 1993, p. 2.

[←549]

Marty Upson, letter dated November 3, 1998.

[←550]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 22, 1995, p. 2.

[←551]

idem, transcript dated October 2, 1994, p. 2.

[←552]

idem, transcript dated August 2, 1988, p. 10.

[←553]

A. Terry, letter dated October 27, 1997.

[←554]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 22, 1993, pp. 5-6.

[←555]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 102-103.

[←556]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 90.

[←557]

idem, p. 102.

[←558]

Law of One, Book II, p. 94.

[←559]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 16, 1999.

[←560]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 3, 1989, p. 10.

[←561]

idem, transcript dated May 1, 1994, p. 7.

[←562]

Law Of One, Book V, p. 125.

[←563]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 25, 1990, p. 5.

[←564]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 171.

[←565]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 23, 1999, p. 3.

[←566]

idem, transcript dated December 5, 1999, pp. 3-4.

[←567]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 25, 1993, pp. 10-11.

[←568]

CB, letter dated November 3, 1999.

[←569]

Hatonn, transcript dated November 16, 1990, p. 2.

[←570]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 18, 1990, pp. 5-6.

[←571]

idem, transcript dated September 17, 1989, pp. 11-12.

[←572]

ibid., p. 5.

[←573]

Latwii, transcript dated February 26, 1989, p. 1.

[←574]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 22, 1993, p. 9.

[←575]

idem, transcript dated April 19, 1992, p. 9.

[←576]

Mary 2, letter dated April 2, 1997.

[←577]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 16, 1990, p. 14.

[←578]

Hatonn, transcript dated March 28, 1982, p. 1.

[←579]

Melissa, letter dated March 17, 1999.

[←580]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 17, 1989, p. 8.

[←581]

Hatonn, transcript dated June 29, 1988, p. 2.

[←582]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 2, 1989, p. 8.

[←583]

idem, transcript dated March 1, 1987, pp. 2-3.

[←584]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 33-34.

[←585]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 23, 1993, p. 2.

[←586]

L/Leema, transcript dated March 8, 1987, p. 10.

[←587]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 6, 1986, pp. 12-13.

[←588]

idem, transcript dated February 23, 1997, p. 1.

[←589]

Spermato means “seed.”

[←590]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 110-111.

[←591]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 33.

[←592]

ibid., pp. 36-37.

[←593]

ibid., p. 30.

[←594]

ibid., pp. 38-39.

[←595]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 109-110.

[←596]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 8, 1992, p. 5.

[←597]

ibid. p. 3.

[←598]

001, letter dated June 30, 1997.

[←599]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 9, 1995, pp. 8-9.

[←600]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 31-32.

[←601]

ibid., pp. 30-31.

[←602]

ibid., p. 31.

[←603]

ibid., p. 40.

[←604]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 27, 1994, p. 11.

[←605]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 161.

[←606]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 9, 1995, p. 10.

[←607]

Carolyn Myss, Anatomy Of The Spirit; The Seven Stages Of Power And Healing, New York, Three Rivers Press, [c1996].

[←608]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 1, 1994, p. 1.

[←609]

idem, transcript dated May 23, 1993, pp. 3-4.

[←610]

idem, transcript dated May 24, 1998, p. 1.

[←611]

William D. Klug, letter dated January 1, 1997, from an on-line book of experiences and channeling, www.simi.qnet.com/~bklug/knowing/welcome.htm.

[←612]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 24, 1998, p. 5.

[←613]

Mike Korinko, letter dated October 25, 1994.

[←614]

131, letter dated November 15, 1997.

[←615]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 29, 1990, p. 4.

[←616]

131, letter dated December 3, 1997.

[←617]

Latwii, transcript dated April 26, 1987, p. 3.

[←618]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 16, 1992, p. 2.

[←619]

Kathleen T. Levin, letter dated October 6, 1998.

[←620]

269, letter dated July 16, 1996.

[←621]

Frances, letter dated November 20, 1996.

[←622]

Gypsee, letter dated October 9, 1997.

[←623]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 6, 1995, p. 2.

[←624]

Karin Pekarcik, letter dated January 1, 1996.

[←625]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 22, 1995, p. 3.

[←626]

idem, transcript dated November 20, 1994, p. 1.

[←627]

Laitos, transcript dated August 6, 1989, pp. 5-6.

[←628]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 9, 1990, pp. 2-3.

[←629]

idem, transcript dated May 17, 1992, p. 15.

[←630]

252, letter dated January 26, 1999.

[←631]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 19, 1999, p. 2.

[←632]

idem, transcript dated June 28, 1987, p. 3.

[←633]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 87.

[←634]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 20, 1991, p. 5.

[←635]

idem, transcript dated October 20, 1996, p. 3.

[←636]

Mike Korinko, letter dated May 26, 1993.

[←637]

idem, letter dated December 18, 1996.

[←638]

Grey Wolfe, letter dated August 15, 1999.

[←639]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 37.

[←640]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 12, 1987, p. 6.

[←641]

idem, transcript dated February 28, 1988, pp. 11-12.

[←642]

Latwii, transcript dated October 11, 1987, pp. 7-8.

[←643]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 9, 1988, pp. 3-4.

[←644]

Laitos, transcript dated August 6, 1989, p. 1.

[←645]

Karin Pekarcik, letter dated January 1, 1996.

[←646]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 13, 1999.

[←647]

Karen Eck, letter dated March 3, 1999.

[←648]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 9, 1995, pp. 9-10.

[←649]

Melissa, letter dated June 10, 1999.

[←650]

169, letter dated September 23, 1997.

[←651]

Q’uo, transcript dated June 28, 1987, p. 4.

[←652]

idem, transcript dated April 19, 1998, p. 3.

[←653]

idem, transcript dated September 12, 1993, p. 5.

[←654]

The Holy Bible, I Timothy 6:10.

[←655]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated August 3, 1998.

[←656]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 12, 1993, pp. 2-3.

[←657]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 14, 1993, pp. 1-2.

[←658]

idem, transcript dated December 29, 1997, p. 4.

[←659]

282, letter dated July 24, 1994.

[←660]

Hatonn, transcript dated September 3, 1983, pp. 3-4.

[←661]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 20, 1986, p. 4.

[←662]

idem, transcript dated February 4, 1996, p. 2.

[←663]

The Holy Bible, Ecclesiastes 1:3-4.

[←664]

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, New York, Knopf, 1968, p. 28.

[←665]

Karen Eck, letter dated June 28, 1998.

[←666]

Gypsee, letter dated October 9, 1997.

[←667]

Marc Morgan, letter dated September 7, 1999.

[←668]

Trixie 9, letter dated January 21, 1999.

[←669]

252, letter dated January 24, 1999.

[←670]

Hatonn, transcript dated February 4, 1982, pp. 1-2.

[←671]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 10, 1987, pp. 1-2.

[←672]

ibid., p. 1.

[←673]

Sabra, letter dated August 21, 1998.

[←674]

Russell Louie, transcript dated November 26, 1998.

[←675]

Mike Korinko, letter dated May 26, 1993.

[←676]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated January 28, 1999.

[←677]

Andrew Laine, letter dated December 2, 1996.

[←678]

Bjorn from Copenhagen, Denmark, letter dated March 5, 1999.

[←679]

Karen Eck, letter dated August 29, 1999.

[←680]

Mary, letter dated May 5, 1997.

[←681]

CristeL Rose, letter dated July 27, 1994.

[←682]

285, letter dated August 27, 1996.

[←683]

282, letter dated July 24, 1994.

[←684]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 30, 1989, p. 1.

[←685]

idem, transcript dated April 26, 1997, p. 2.

[←686]

idem, transcript dated December 17, 1989, p. 5.

[←687]

Jim McCarty, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←688]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 31, 1993, p. 4.

[←689]

idem, transcript dated October 18, 1998, pp. 2-3.

[←690]

idem, transcript dated March 23, 1997, p. 3.

[←691]

idem, transcript dated March 20, 1991, p. 5.

[←692]

idem, transcript dated July 19, 1992, p. 5.

[←693]

L/Leema, transcript dated July 15, 1986, p. 1.

[←694]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 15, 1995, p. 4.

[←695]

202, letter dated March 6, 1999.

[←696]

Latwii, transcript dated December 6, 1981, p. 7.

[←697]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 22, 1989, pp. 1-2.

[←698]

idem, transcript dated November 29, 1998, p. 2.

[←699]

A. Friend, letter dated October 16, 1998.

[←700]

Linda Klecha, letter dated August 21, 1998.

[←701]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 21, 1995, p. 3.

[←702]

idem, transcript dated May 13, 1990, p. 7.

[←703]

idem, transcript dated April 14, 1996, p. 6.

[←704]

idem, transcript dated January 10, 1988, pp. 2-3.

[←705]

idem, transcript dated November 29, 1998, p. 3.

[←706]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 99.

[←707]

ibid, p. 99.

[←708]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 14, 1996, p. 6.

[←709]

Laitos, transcript dated August 6, 1981, p. 3.

[←710]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 30, 1989, pp. 4-5.

[←711]

idem, transcript dated July 9, 1989, pp. 4-5.

[←712]

ibid., p. 8.

[←713]

ibid., p. 6.

[←714]

ibid., p. 7.

[←715]

Hatonn, transcript dated March 29, 1981, p. 5.

[←716]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 23, 1986, p. 18.

[←717]

idem, transcript dated May 26, 1996, p. 1.

[←718]

282, letter dated July 24, 1994.

[←719]

Jonathan Boyne, letter dated August 10, 1994.

[←720]

Cheryl Hollrah, letter dated August 16, 1994.

[←721]

131, letter dated April 7, 1998.

[←722]

Karen Eck, letter dated March 3, 1999.

[←723]

Pharaoh, letter dated January 5, 1998.

[←724]

Jim McCarty, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←725]

Oxal, transcript dated September 24, 1989, p. 3.

[←726]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 24, 1991, p. 4.

[←727]

Latwii, transcript dated May 16, 1982, p. 9.

[←728]

Barbara, letter dated November 9, 1996.

[←729]

001, letter dated July 24, 1997.

[←730]

Cheryl Hollrah, letter dated August 16, 1994.

[←731]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 3, 1999, p. 3.

[←732]

Andrea Arden, letter dated March 5, 1999.

[←733]

Latwii, transcript dated January 12, 1986, pp. 8-9.

[←734]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 143.

[←735]

Andrea Arden, letter dated March 5, 1999.

[←736]

Anthony Thomas, letter dated December 20, 1998.

[←737]

Ken Page, letter dated November 5, 1998.

[←738]

Mike Korinko, letter dated September 25, 1995.

[←739]

131, letter dated May 14, 1999.

[←740]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 126-127.

[←741]

Karin Pekarcik, letter dated January 1, 1996.

[←742]

Laitos, transcript dated May 13, 1982, pp. 6-7.

[←743]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 10, 1987, p. 3.

[←744]

idem, transcript dated February 24, 1991, pp. 4-5.

[←745]

Romi Borel, letter dated October 30, 1998.

[←746]

Hatonn, quoted in the Introduction to The Law Of One, Book I, p. 29.

[←747]

Jim McCarty, letter dated March 8, 1999.

[←748]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 28, 1995, p. 5.

[←749]

idem, transcript dated October 15, 1989, p. 5.

[←750]

Romi Borel, letter dated August 25, 1998.

[←751]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated September 1, 1998.

[←752]

S., letter dated April 7, 1999.

[←753]

Mary, letter dated October 19, 1997.

[←754]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 132.

[←755]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 29, 1995, p. 3.

[←756]

idem, transcript dated February 24, 1991, p. 5.

[←757]

idem, transcript dated December 31, 1989, p. 4.

[←758]

Romi Borel, letter dated January 22, 1999.

[←759]

idem, letter dated September 11, 1998.

[←760]

131, letter dated April 15, 1998.

[←761]

Yadda, transcript dated July 13, 1986, pp. 4-5.

[←762]

Hatonn, transcript dated September 21, 1986, p. 4.

[←763]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 30, 1990, p. 5.

[←764]

idem, transcript dated January 16, 1994, p. 4.

[←765]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 127.

[←766]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 10, 1988, p. 3.

[←767]

Dale Chorley, letter dated January 12, 1998.

[←768]

idem, letter dated February 2, 1999.

[←769]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 23, 1997. pp. 3-4.

[←770]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 146.

[←771]

Mary, letter dated May 5, 1997.

[←772]

Karin Pekarcik, letter dated January 1, 1996.

[←773]

Marty Upson, letter dated November 30, 1998.

[←774]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 6, 1994, pp. 8-9.

[←775]

idem, transcript dated May 14, 1989, pp. 3-4.

[←776]

Romi Borel, letter dated August 25, 1998.

[←777]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 25, 1990, pp. 7-8.

[←778]

L/Leema, transcript dated May 4, 1986, p. 6.

[←779]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 6, 1991, pp. 6-7

[←780]

idem, transcript dated November 29, 1987, p. 4.

[←781]

idem, transcript dated September 24, 1991, p. 2.

[←782]

idem, transcript dated October 1, 1995, p. 2.

[←783]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 28.

[←784]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 10, 1995, p. 3.

[←785]

Romi Borel, letter dated August 25, 1998.

[←786]

Q’uo, transcript dated June 6, 1993, pp. 6-7.

[←787]

131, letter dated January 6, 1998.

[←788]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 29, 1994, p. 5.

[←789]

idem, transcript dated January 13, 1991, p. 1.

[←790]

K. Williams, letter dated May 29, 1997.

[←791]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 10, 1995, p. 2.

[←792]

idem, transcript dated April 12, 1991, p. 4.

[←793]

idem, transcript dated May 24, 1998, p. 7.

[←794]

131, letter dated February 3, 1998.

[←795]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 22, 1996, pp. 3-4.

[←796]

Mike Korinko, letter dated September 5, 1994.

[←797]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 18, 1994, p. 4.

[←798]

131, letter dated February 18, 1998.

[←799]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 20, 1992, p. 7.

[←800]

idem, transcript dated December 5, 1999, p. 3.

[←801]

131, letter dated January 17, 1998.

[←802]

idem, letter dated January 26, 1998.

[←803]

Kathy Braden, letter dated February 9, 1999.

[←804]

Law Of One, Book V, p. 193.

[←805]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 19, 1998, p. 4.

[←806]

ibid.

[←807]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated August 3, 1998.

[←808]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 19, 1998, p. 3.

[←809]

idem, transcript dated November 7, 1999, p. 3.

[←810]

idem, transcript dated December 29, 1997, p. 3.

[←811]

Gypsee, letter dated October 10, 1997.

[←812]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 18, 1998, pp. 2-3.

[←813]

idem, transcript dated May 23, 1999, p. 3.

[←814]

Fiona Forsythe, letter dated October 4, 1998.

[←815]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 16, 1992, p. 3.

[←816]

264, letter dated October 21, 1996.

[←817]

185, letter dated January 7, 1999.

[←818]

Law Of One, Book V, p. 125.

[←819]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 29, 1997, p. 6.

[←820]

William D. Klug, from an on-line book of experiences and channeling, www.simi.qnet.com/~bklug/knowing/welcome.htm.

[←821]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 30, 1997, p. 3.

[←822]

idem, transcript dated March 27, 1994, p. 1.

[←823]

idem, transcript dated October 15, 1995, p. 2.

[←824]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 13, 1992, p. 4.

[←825]

idem, transcript dated September 15, 1996, pp. 5-6.

[←826]

Hatonn, transcript dated February 3, 1991, p. 10.

[←827]

292, letter dated December 29, 1996.

[←828]

Astria, letter dated August 19, 1999.

[←829]

Laura Knight-Jadczyk, letter dated January 5, 1998.

[←830]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 21, 1999, p. 4.

[←831]

Hatonn, transcript dated January 2, 1983, p. 2.

[←832]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 13, 1994, p. 3.

[←833]

idem, transcript dated January 20, 1991, p. 6.

[←834]

Laitos, transcript dated January 11, 1981, p. 2.

[←835]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 2, 1994, p. 4.

[←836]

idem, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 4.

[←837]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 29, 1983, p. 2.

[←838]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 8, 1996, p. 3.

[←839]

idem, transcript dated November 15, 1992, pp. 3-4.

[←840]

idem, transcript dated May 3, 1998, p. 3.

[←841]

001, letter dated October 22, 1997.

[←842]

131, letter dated January 2, 1998.

[←843]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 8, 1990, p. 2.

[←844]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 77.

[←845]

Hatonn, transcript dated March 30, 1986, p. 1.

[←846]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 6, 1991, p. 6.

[←847]

idem, transcript dated May 10, 1992, p. 2.

[←848]

idem, transcript dated May 17, 1987, p. 2.

[←849]

W. E. Butler, The Magician: His Training And Work, London, Aquarian, 1963, pp. 166-169.

[←850]

Law Of One, Book II, pp. 130-131.

[←851]

ibid., p. 131.

[←852]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 22, 1993, p. 7.

[←853]

idem, transcript dated May 24, 1992, p. 2.

[←854]

idem, transcript dated July 12, 1992, pp. 3-4.

[←855]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 127.

[←856]

ibid., p. 98.

[←857]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 171-172.

[←858]

Israel Regardie, The Art And Meaning Of Magic, Dallas, TX, Helios Books, 1971.

[←859]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 98.

[←860]

ibid., pp. 98-99.

[←861]

Sharon Johnston, letter dated May 26, 1998.

[←862]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 12, 1996, p. 3.

[←863]

idem, transcript dated October 2, 1994, p. 3.

[←864]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 17, 1981, p. 4.

[←865]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 24, 1991, p. 11.

[←866]

idem, transcript dated May 8, 1993, pp. 4-5.

[←867]

Yom, transcript dated June 8, 1986, pp. 6-7.

[←868]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 30, 1992, p. 1.

[←869]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 97-98.

[←870]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 10, 1987, p. 12.

[←871]

idem, transcript dated October 14, 1992, p. 2.

[←872]

idem, transcript dated February 2, 1997, p. 8.

[←873]

L/Leema, transcript dated December 18, 1988, pp. 4-5.

[←874]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 98-99.

[←875]

L/Leema, transcript dated June 1, 1986, p. 5.

[←876]

Q’uo, transcript dated June 26, 1994, pp. 4-5.

[←877]

idem, transcript dated November 7, 1999, p. 4.

[←878]

Law Of One, Book IV, p. 99.

[←879]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 24, 1991, p. 4.

[←880]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 184-185.

[←881]

Q’uo, transcript dated December 19, 1993, p. 7.

[←882]

Mary, letter dated May 29, 1997.

[←883]

131, letter dated January 6, 1998.

[←884]

Romi Borel, letter dated March 16, 1999.

[←885]

Law Of One, Book IV, pp. 99-100.

[←886]

149, letter dated July 18, 1999.

[←887]

Oxal, transcript dated May 29, 1993, p. 14.

[←888]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 10, 1987, p. 11.

[←889]

idem, transcript dated November 21, 1999, pp. 5-6.

[←890]

Latwii, transcript dated February 14, 1982, pp. 10-11.

[←891]

001, letter dated July 7, 1997.

[←892]

Laitos, transcript dated March 12, 1990, p. 4.

[←893]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 25, 1993, p. 5.

[←894]

idem, transcript dated February 26, 1995, p. 4.

[←895]

idem, transcript dated March 15, 1987, p. 4.

[←896]

idem, transcript dated October 15, 1995, p. 5.

[←897]

idem, transcript dated October 21, 1990, pp. 19-20.

[←898]

David Gourd, letter dated February 28, 1999.

[←899]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 8, 1993, p. 2.

[←900]

idem, transcript dated July 15, 1990, p. 11.

[←901]

Marty Upson, letter dated February 28, 1999.

[←902]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 30, 1992, p. 11.

[←903]

idem, transcript dated September 6, 1992, p. 3.

[←904]

idem, transcript dated April 26, 1992, p. 6.

[←905]

idem, transcript dated January 7, 1990, pp. 3-4.

[←906]

idem, transcript dated February 7, 1999, p. 3.

[←907]

282, letter dated July 24, 1994.

[←908]

Thomas W. Church, letter dated August 24, 1999.

[←909]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated October 27, 1998.

[←910]

277, letter dated January 16, 1997.

[←911]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 26, 1999, p. 3.

[←912]

idem, transcript dated August 30, 1992, p. 7.

[←913]

idem, transcript dated November 29, 1998, p. 2.

[←914]

Law Of One, Book III, p. 108.

[←915]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 25, 1997, p. 2.

[←916]

292, letter dated December 29, 1996.

[←917]

L/Leema, transcript dated July 27, 1986, pp. 10-11.

[←918]

Latwii, transcript dated October 4, 1987, p. 5.

[←919]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 10, 1991, p. 5.

[←920]

ibid., p. 3.

[←921]

idem, transcript dated September 5, 1993, p. 8.

[←922]

idem, transcript dated November 15, 1992, p. 8.

[←923]

Yom, transcript dated October 3, 1992, p. 3.

[←924]

Q’uo, transcript dated November 27, 1994, p. 6.

[←925]

idem, transcript dated September 18, 1988, pp. 3-4.

[←926]

idem, transcript dated December 16, 1990, p. 9.

[←927]

Mike Korinko, letter dated November 1, 1993.

[←928]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 7, 1995, p. 2.

[←929]

Marty Upson, letter dated October 29, 1998.

[←930]

idem, letter dated December 1, 1998.

[←931]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 4, 1996, pp. 1-2.

[←932]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 26, 1991, p. 16.

[←933]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 4, 1992, p. 3.

[←934]

idem, transcript dated March 15, 1998, p. 6.

[←935]

Gypsee, letter dated October 9, 1997.

[←936]

Romi Borel, letter dated October 1, 1998.

[←937]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 28, 1991, p. 6.

[←938]

idem, transcript dated February 4, 1990, p. 8.

[←939]

idem, transcript dated September 22, 1991, p. 10.

[←940]

idem, transcript dated April 21, 1995, p. 2.

[←941]

Hatonn, transcript dated April 25, 1983, p. 3.

[←942]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 25, 1990, pp. 9-10.

[←943]

idem, transcript dated June 26, 1994, pp. 3-4.

[←944]

idem, transcript dated December 25, 1994, p. 2.

[←945]

idem, transcript dated March 26, 1995, p. 4.

[←946]

idem, transcript dated September 20, 1992, p. 3.

[←947]

idem, transcript dated December 5, 1999, p. 4.

[←948]

idem, transcript dated September 9, 1990, p. 7.

[←949]

idem, transcript dated June 21, 1987, p. 10.

[←950]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 26, 1991, p. 5.

[←951]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 26, 1995, p. 2.

[←952]

Hatonn, transcript dated August 13, 1984, p. 6.

[←953]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 2, 1997, p. 4.

[←954]

idem, transcript dated December 5, 1999, p. 2.

[←955]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 26, 1991, p. 3.

[←956]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 3, 1995, p. 2.

[←957]

idem, transcript dated November 29, 1998, p. 3.

[←958]

idem, transcript dated May 13, 1990, p. 2.

[←959]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 68.

[←960]

Oxal, transcript dated May 29, 1993, p. 5.

[←961]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 4, 1992, p. 4.

[←962]

idem, transcript dated September 3, 1995, p. 2.

[←963]

Oxal, transcript dated May 29, 1993, p. 6.

[←964]

Charlie 036, letter dated July 31, 1999.

[←965]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 3, 1995, p. 1.

[←966]

L/Leema, transcript dated May 18, 1986, p. 8.

[←967]

Hatonn, transcript dated April 11, 1982, p. 6.

[←968]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 13, 1994, p. 2.

[←969]

Latwii, transcript dated June 23, 1990, p. 11.

[←970]

idem, transcript dated May 15, 1993, p. 16.

[←971]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 24, 1991, p. 1.

[←972]

idem, transcript dated September 23, 1990, pp. 5-6.

[←973]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 26, 1991, p. 7.

[←974]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 86.

[←975]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 6, 1993, pp. 1-2.

[←976]

Hatonn, transcript dated February 3, 1988, p. 1.

[←977]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 6, 1994, p. 2.

[←978]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 84.

[←979]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 24, 1996, p. 3.

[←980]

149, letter dated July 20, 1999.

[←981]

Hatonn, transcript dated May 24, 1981, p. 7.

[←982]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated January 28, 1999.

[←983]

Law Of One, Book I, p. 221.

[←984]

Chandara, letter dated September 22, 1998.

[←985]

Leigh Tremaine, www.freenetpages.co.uk/hp/risingearth, letter dated April 25 1999.

[←986]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 108-109.

[←987]

Apache, letter dated November 6, 1999.

[←988]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 19, 1997, p. 3.

[←989]

idem, transcript dated December 20, 1987, p. 1.

[←990]

idem, transcript dated December 27, 1987, pp. 5-6.

[←991]

idem, transcript dated December 20, 1987, p. 8.

[←992]

Linda Klecha, letter dated August 21, 1998.

[←993]

131, letter dated March 7, 1998.

[←994]

Latwii, transcript dated June 15, 1990, p. 7.

[←995]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 2, 1988, pp. 2-3.

[←996]

idem, transcript dated January 10, 1987, p. 1.

[←997]

Laitos, transcript dated January 18, 1989, pp. 6-7.

[←998]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 24, 1991, p. 2.

[←999]

idem, transcript dated December 20, 1987, p. 8.

[←1000]

idem, transcript dated December 27, 1987, pp. 3-4.

[←1001]

idem, transcript dated September 20, 1990, p. 2.

[←1002]

Hatonn, transcript dated February 10, 1988, p. 5.

[←1003]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 2, 1997, p. 6.

[←1004]

Laitos, transcript dated March 12, 1990, pp. 4-5.

[←1005]

Oxal, transcript dated September 6, 1993, p. 6.

[←1006]

Laitos, transcript dated August 12, 1987, pp. 8-9.

[←1007]

Q’uo, transcript dated August 2, 1988, p. 3.

[←1008]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 10, 1991, p. 2.

[←1009]

idem, transcript dated January 3, 1993, p. 8.

[←1010]

175, letter dated February 2, 1999.

[←1011]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 18, 1998, p. 3.

[←1012]

Hatonn, transcript dated August 13, 1984, pp. 9-10.

[←1013]

Law Of One, Book II, p. 131.

[←1014]

Mary, letter dated April 21, 1997.

[←1015]

Jonathan Boyne, letter dated August 10, 1997.

[←1016]

131, letter dated May 14, 1997.

[←1017]

Mike Korinko, transcript dated August 14, 1995.

[←1018]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 23, 1997, pp. 4-5.

[←1019]

idem, transcript dated March 16, 1997, p. 2.

[←1020]

idem, transcript dated May 22, 1994, p. 2.

[←1021]

idem, transcript dated February 7, 1999, p. 2.

[←1022]

idem, transcript dated December 30, 1990, pp. 4-5.

[←1023]

idem, transcript dated February 9, 1986, p. 6.

[←1024]

Joseph R. Koehm, letter dated August 20, 1998.

[←1025]

Gene Jacobson, letter dated March 1, 1999.

[←1026]

Karen Eck, letter dated June 11, 1999.

[←1027]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 22, 1994, p. 3.

[←1028]

John M., letter dated August 3, 1999.

[←1029]

Law Of One, Book III, pp. 107-108.

[←1030]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 13, 1988, pp. 2-3.

[←1031]

idem, transcript dated September 15, 1996, p. 4.

[←1032]

Heikki Malaska, letter dated February 19, 1999.

[←1033]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 26, 1995, p. 6

[←1034]

idem, transcript dated April 7, 1991, p. 5.

[←1035]

idem, transcript dated October 22, 1995, p. 5.

[←1036]

idem, transcript dated January 19, 1997, p. 3.

[←1037]

idem, transcript dated March 27, 1991, p. 7.

[←1038]

idem, transcript dated July 12, 1992, pp. 2-3.

[←1039]

idem, transcript dated March 31, 1991, p. 2.

[←1040]

idem, transcript dated March 15, 1998, p. 2.

[←1041]

idem, transcript dated August 22, 1993, p. 3.

[←1042]

idem, transcript dated November 1, 1992, p. 6.

[←1043]

idem, transcript dated March 31, 1991, p. 3.

[←1044]

idem, transcript dated March 19, 1995, p. 2.

[←1045]

idem, transcript dated October 6, 1996, p. 3.

[←1046]

idem, transcript dated July 12, 1992, p. 4.

[←1047]

idem, transcript dated April 21, 1995, p. 2.

[←1048]

idem, transcript dated December 13, 1992, p. 2.

[←1049]

idem, transcript dated November 3, 1996, p. 3.

[←1050]

idem, transcript dated March 15, 1998, p. 3.

[←1051]

Latwii, transcript dated May 27, 1990, pp. 11-12.

[←1052]

Laitos, transcript dated February 24, 1987, pp. 10-11.

[←1053]

Q’uo, transcript dated March 18, 1990, pp. 6-7.

[←1054]

idem, transcript dated September 9, 1999, p. 4.

[←1055]

idem, transcript dated November 27, 1994, p. 4.

[←1056]

idem, transcript dated November 13, 1994, p. 4.

[←1057]

idem, transcript dated July 14, 1994, p. 4.

[←1058]

idem, transcript dated September 28, 1991, p. 3.

[←1059]

idem, transcript dated May 22, 1994, pp. 2-3.

[←1060]

idem, transcript dated March 1, 1998, p. 5.

[←1061]

idem, transcript dated January 16, 1994, p. 3.

[←1062]

idem, transcript dated September 5, 1993, p. 7.

[←1063]

idem, transcript dated January 14, 1996, p. 6.

[←1064]

idem, transcript dated September 9, 1999, p. 5.

[←1065]

idem, transcript dated July 21, 1991, p. 12.

[←1066]

Latwii, transcript dated August 12, 1982, p. 2.

[←1067]

Hatonn, transcript dated August 12, 1982, p. 3.

[←1068]

Don Cushing, letter dated August 7, 1994.

[←1069]

Q’uo, transcript dated February 7, 1999, p. 2.

[←1070]

idem, transcript dated April 21, 1996, pp. 2-3.

[←1071]

idem, transcript dated June 8, 1992, p. 6.

[←1072]

idem, transcript dated March 21, 1999, p. 4.

[←1073]

idem, transcript dated January 19, 1997, p. 4.

[←1074]

idem, transcript dated January 6, 1991, p. 8.

[←1075]

idem, transcript dated March 15, 1998, p. 5.

[←1076]

idem, transcript dated March 29, 1990, p. 2.

[←1077]

The Argo was a ship that the mythological Jason and the Argonauts sailed in to seek the golden fleece.

[←1078]

Latwii, transcript dated February 13, 1988, p. 4.

[←1079]

Q’uo, transcript dated May 10, 1987, p. 3.

[←1080]

idem, transcript dated September 19, 1993, p. 5.

[←1081]

idem, transcript dated February 28, 1988, p. 6.

[←1082]

L/Leema, transcript dated May 4, 1986, p. 6.

[←1083]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 14, 1992, pp. 2-3.

[←1084]

idem, transcript dated March 20, 1991, p. 3.

[←1085]

idem, transcript dated May 14, 1989, p. 2.

[←1086]

idem, transcript dated June 20, 1993, p. 5.

[←1087]

idem, transcript dated September 27, 1992, p. 3.

[←1088]

idem, transcript dated November 3, 1996, p. 3.

[←1089]

Hatonn, transcript dated April 19, 1987, pp. 4-5.

[←1090]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 31, 1991, p. 3.

[←1091]

idem, transcript dated March 29, 1991, p. 1.

[←1092]

idem, transcript dated October 14, 1992, p. 2.

[←1093]

idem, transcript dated March 21, 1999, p. 6.

[←1094]

131, letter dated May 14, 1997.

[←1095]

Q’uo, transcript dated October 22, 1995, p. 5.

[←1096]

idem, transcript dated September 8, 1996, p. 2.

[←1097]

idem, transcript dated September 15, 1996, pp. 4-5.

[←1098]

idem, transcript dated April 30, 1989, p. 5.

[←1099]

idem, transcript dated December 14, 1986, pp. 14-15.

[←1100]

idem, transcript dated August 29, 1993, p. 3.

[←1101]

Hatonn, transcript dated January 5, 1986, pp. 3-4.

[←1102]

Q’uo, transcript dated September 23, 1990, p. 9.

[←1103]

idem, transcript dated February 12, 1995, p. 4.

[←1104]

idem, transcript dated May 18, 1997, p. 5.

[←1105]

Hatonn, transcript dated March 3, 1985, pp. 7-8.

[←1106]

idem, transcript dated March 30, 1997, p. 3.

[←1107]

idem, transcript dated April 21, 1995, p. 2.

[←1108]

idem, transcript dated August 26, 1996, p. 4.

[←1109]

idem, transcript dated November 1, 1992, p. 3.

[←1110]

idem, transcript dated November 9, 1986, p. 2.

[←1111]

idem, transcript dated May 6, 1990, pp. 5-6.

[←1112]

idem, transcript dated April 12, 1992, p. 2.

[←1113]

idem, transcript dated January 16, 1994, p. 2.

[←1114]

idem, transcript dated June 2, 1991, p. 4.

[←1115]

idem, transcript dated April 18, 1999, p. 3.

[←1116]

169, letter dated March 23, 1998.

[←1117]

Romi Borel, letter dated October 30, 1998.

[←1118]

Q’uo, transcript dated April 13, 1997, p. 3.

[←1119]

idem, transcript dated May 10, 1992, pp. 2-3.

[←1120]

idem, transcript dated April 13, 1997, p. 4.

[←1121]

idem, transcript dated November 4, 1990, p. 8.

[←1122]

idem, transcript dated September 22, 1991, pp. 2-3.

[←1123]

Dana R., The ET-Human Link: We Are The Message, Charlottesville, VA, Hampton Roads Publishers, c2000, p. 76.

[←1124]

Hatonn, transcript dated January 5, 1986, pp. 1-2.

[←1125]

Q’uo, transcript dated January 13, 1991, p. 2.

[←1126]

idem, transcript dated May 10, 1992, p. 2.

[←1127]

The Holy Bible, I Samuel 3:10.

[←1128]

Brother Philip, transcript from a tape recording dated 1956, channeled by George Hunt Williamson, p. 2.

[←1129]

Q’uo, transcript dated July 23, 1989, p. 3.

[←1130]

Hatonn, transcript dated December 9, 1984, p. 4.

[←1131]

Brother Philip, transcript dated 1956, pp. 3-4.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

About The Author

Foreword: Am I A Wanderer?

Chapter One: Being A Wanderer

Stories

Paranormal Experiences

UFOs In Waking And Dream State

With A Little Help From My Friends

Not Belonging

Not From Around Here!

Chapter Two: The Anatomy Of Separation

Separation From Family

Control Issues

Physical Illness

Purpose

Mind Games

Chapter Three: Agenbite Of Inwit: Persistence Of Pain

Self-Doubt

Pride And Surrender

Elitism

Psychic Greeting

Despair

Inside The Bell Jar

Spiritual Exhaustion

Chapter Four: The New Age Buzz

Christianity And Wanderers

Myth

New Age Guilt

Doomsday Riffs

Harvest On Planet Earth

Transformation

Global Mind

Chapter Five: Our Energetic Selves And How We Evolve

The Energy System Of The Body

Sexual Energy Transfers

Reincarnation

The Veil Of Forgetting

Karma

Catalyst And Experience

Chapter Six: A Little Cosmology/Eine Kleine Kosmologie

The Densities Of Experience

Third Density: The Density Of Choice

Polarity

Will And Faith (As A Polarizing Necessity)

Planetary Polarity

Pride, Fear, Judgment And Spiritual Gravity

Sexual Polarity

Life Beyond Polarity

Chapter Seven: Doing Metaphysical Work

The Discipline Of The Personality

Forgiveness

Re-Seeing The Self

The Purification Of The Emotions

Working With Teachers

Chapter Eight: The Healing Of The Incarnation

Incarnational Lessons

Working With Desires

Balancing The Self

Balancing Meditations

Entering Fully Into The Present Moment

Using The Light Touch

Chapter Nine: Sex And Relationships

Sexuality

Relationships

Marriage

Chapter Ten: Societal Issues

Money

Work

Home

Children

Abortion

Drugs And Addiction

Suicide

Chapter Eleven: Mystical Tools For Growth

Meditation

Contemplation

Devotion

Prayer

Tuning

Living In The Moment

Synchronicity

Chapter Twelve: Applied Spiritual Sciences

Faith

Visualization

Magical Visualizations

Religious Visualization

The White Frame Visualization

The Garbage Out Visualization

Chakra Visualization

Planetary Visualizations

Healing Visualizations

The Forgiveness Visualization

Working With Dreams

Journaling

Networking

Using The Arts In Spiritual Practice

Seeing All We Meet As Teachers

Reading As A Spiritual Practice

Chapter Thirteen: The Secondary Missions: Outer Gifts

The Doing Of Being

Being A Passive Radiator Of Love And Light

Seeing People At The Soul Level

Being There For Others

Listening

Communication

Teaching As An Outer Gift

Healing

Doing Global Work

Channeling

Vocal Channeling

Chapter Fourteen: The Main Mission

Lightening The Self = Lightening The Planet

Transformation Of Self = Transformation Of Planet

Chapter Fifteen: The Devotionally Lived Life

Devotional Living

Dedicating The Self

Forming A Rule Of Life

Dealing With Suffering

Tests And Trials

Walking By Faith

Cooperating With Destiny

Being Part Of A Spiritual Community

Chapter Sixteen: L’envoi: The Sending

Glossary

Books And Tapes Offered By L/L Research